Reviews please! I need them to sooth myself because of the fact I don't own HP or any money. At all.
The Christmas holidays dragged past so slowly that after what seemed like three days, Harry rose from the armchair in front of the common room fire, only to find out that it was only the next morning.
He couldn't bring himself to think of food, so he merely dragged himself upstairs to bed, and there he removed his clothes and mechanically pulled on his pyjamas and crawled under the scarlet covers.
He couldn't bring himself to think, and so he forced himself to sleep. When that failed, he focussed on clearing his mind for something to do. He must have fallen asleep eventually though, because when he next looked at the clock it was two in the afternoon.
Under the covers, he curled up unhappily. It seemed that there was nothing to do but think. His stomach rumbled and for the first time he realised he was hungry, although how he could feel hungry at a time like this he didn't know. He didn't like this depressing reminder that life still went on, despite how for him the earth had stopped moving last night.
Finally, unable to ignore the silence around him any longer, he sat up in bed and called for Dobby. His voice sounded rough, from disuse he decided, because he had not been crying.
Dobby appeared with a crack and his ears fell in dismay at the sight of Harry slumped against the headboard.
"Is master Harry ill?" the elf asked shrilly, tears threatening to spill out of his orb-like eyes.
Harry cringed away from the high pitched voice.
"I'm fine Dobby." he said firmly "I'm just a little hungry. Could you bring me a sandwich - and keep your voice down please." he added as Dobby opened his mouth again.
"Anything for Harry Potter." the elf whispered dramatically, wringing his hands in distress "Is there anything else that Dobby can bring for Harry Potter? A hot water bottle? Or porridge? Or warm cocoa?"
"Um. A glass of water will be fine thanks Dobby. But that's all."
When the house elf disapperated Harry rolled over onto his side and groaned, pulling his pillow down so that he could hug it and lean his head on it at the same time.
He didn't know what to think. His whole life had been orchestrated, and his path was headed inevitably towards death. He could never be his own person because he didn't know who he really was; the Harry Potter he knew was only real because of Dumbledore's manipulations. And being who he had been made into, he would die to rid the world of Voldemort - for of course he had been made too selfless on purpose. He couldn't allow himself to live at the expense of hundreds of lives.
Dobby appeared with a crack and a towering stack of assorted sandwiches and holding a jug of water. A goblet was balanced precariously on his hat.
"Thanks Dobby." Harry said tiredly, pouring himself some water.
"Is there anything else Dobby can do?" the elf asked anxiously "Harry Potter is not well, and Dobby does not like to see him like this."
"There's nothing Dobby, but thanks anyway. I'll probably come down and visit you a lot during the holidays, so don't worry about me."
The elf looked cheered at this and disapperated again.
It was true, Harry realised, because Dobby was the only one in the castle who would never betray him, at least not on purpose. Harry wished that he had never told Dobby to work for Dumbledore, because now the elf could be used to spy on him. If Harry could justify taking on Dobby as a personal elf he would, but at the moment he couldn't. Dobby would be bored out of his mind and Harry already knew the perils of being harassed by a well-meaning house elf.
For the next couple of days, Harry ate in the kitchens and moped in his room thinking things over.
There was nothing Harry could do to change the past. Perhaps he wasn't the same person he would have been if he had been brought up by a loving family, but then he'd always known that. He remembered watching his dad bully Snivellus in Snape's penseive and wondered if that was for the best. He might have turned out just the same.
A recurring thought was that Professor Snape too had been betrayed by the headmaster, and Harry wondered whether he should speak to the head of Slytherin. He doubted that Snape would suddenly warm up to him, but he wondered where the professor stood with Dumbledore now. Was he still a spy? Was Dumbledore going to fire him because he had found out that he had been manipulated.
A chilling thought occurred to Harry; what would the headmaster do to him now? Would Harry be expelled and sent back to the Dursleys? What use was a boy-who-lived who refused to follow instructions? Because after finding out what he had, Harry knew one thing only even if he was still sorting out the rest, and that thing was that he would follow his own path. His conscience made him unable to escape killing Voldemort, but if he did, he would do it his way.
Harry looked forward to Hermione and Ron returning. He would make up with Ron, whatever it took, and when he did, his friends would commiserate with him and rage against how Dumbledore had treated him. There was no way they could side against Harry when Dumbledore was threatening his life.
He knew that he had to decide what he was going to do before they returned though. He couldn't return to classes without a plan of action. He had to decide how he was going to act, and where to look for allies. Would the Weasley family side with Dumbledore? He doubted it. It was clear that the headmaster was in the wrong.
And what about Malfoy? How would he react when he found out Harry wanted nothing to do with Dumbledore. He would have to think up a new story as to why he still wanted to hang around with Harry. Maybe Harry would have to offer him a plausible reason - perhaps he could give a convincing reason why he himself could protect Malfoy as well as Dumbledore? It didn't really matter what the reason was, as long as it was realistic enough that Malfoy could agree with him without looking suspicious.
Harry felt a weight the size of a boulder settle in his stomach. He hadn't gotten very far at all with making Malfoy really trust him. He was pretty sure he didn't find Harry irritating anymore; they got on well enough these days, but Harry knew that whatever Malfoy acted like, there was a long way to go before he could get Malfoy to actually want to trust him. He just needed to find some way of making Malfoy want to be on Harry's side, for real.
Harry sighed and tried to think about something else, because before he could decide how he was going to act with Malfoy, he needed to see how Dumbledore was planning on treating him so that Harry could figure out how to act with the headmaster in public. And he also had to suss out where Snape's loyalties lay.
…ooo000ooo…
Harry took his chance after dinner in the great hall three days later. He had not attended dinner, but observed it from the entrance hall, beneath his invisibility cloak.
The teachers were sitting with the students at the staff table, as was usual when there were so few at Hogwarts. Harry was the only Gryffindor staying, and he could see his empty plate sitting suspiciously in clear view of the headmaster. The professor eyed the space on the bench sadly before beginning his meal, and Harry stopped to think about that.
If Harry was reading the headmaster's expression correctly, it looked as though he regretted that Harry felt the way he did about what he had done. Maybe Dumbledore even regretted his actions. If so, then Harry must be safe. Dumbledore would not attempt to harm him because he probably wanted to regain Harry's trust.
He couldn't assume that though. Harry had spent days considering every possibility and the only answer he could come up with was that he had to be on his guard around Dumbledore and that he should always be alert to the idea that anything he might say could be an attempt at manipulation.
Up at the high table, Snape didn't appear to have any more than his usual black expression on his face, and although he didn't speak to the headmaster, he didn't glare at him or anything more telling, so when the teachers began to rise to their feet, Harry stood by the entrance to the dungeons and followed Snape when he swept past.
He followed the professor into the dungeons until he was sure they were out of earshot of everyone, then called "Professor Snape!" and as Snape spun around, he whipped his cloak off.
Snape's eyes narrowed in on him "Well Potter, you've finally come out from licking your wounds!" he sneered "What do you want, now that you've finally finished sulking?"
His tone did not sound promising, but Harry decided to ask anyway. "Professor Snape, have you fallen out with Professor Dumbledore?"
"Ten points from Gryffindor for disrespecting your professors!" Snape replied smoothly "I don't see how that would be any of your business Potter!"
"I just want to know if you're still working for Dumbledore!" Harry said "And the Order!"
"Silence!" Snape hissed "Foolish brat! Do you have no discretion!" He eyed the dark corridors suspiciously and Harry wondered if he too would become just as paranoid. Finally Snape turned back to him.
"This is a war, you selfish ingrate," he hissed at Harry "I fail to see why a personal dispute would have any bearing on it!"
"So you haven't gone back to Voldemort but you aren't talking to Dumbledore either." Harry deduced, only to flinch backwards as Snape darted forwards to hiss in his face.
"How dare you make assumptions about me! I warn you Potter, if you are looking for some kind of alliance or support you are looking in the wrong place! I want nothing to do with you and if it didn't directly defeat my purposes I would hand you to the Dark Lord on a silver platter to rid my self of you!"
Harry flinched back again, and stared at Snape in confusion. "I only meant - I thought because - Dumbledore told me you liked my moth-"
"SILENCE!" Snape bellowed, and this time Harry had to duck for real as the professor made a swipe for him. "How dare you Potter! You had no right…he had no right. I have already made it more than clear that I have nothing but loathing for you. For someone who should be so disapproving of being manipulated you wasted no time for using those methods yourself!"
Harry shrank back in horror, pulling the cloak back over himself "I didn't-"
"You did Potter." Snape advanced on him "You knew he was in a position where he would tell you, if only you pushed, and you did. You are just as bad as he."
Harry pulled the cloak over his head and fled.
…ooo000ooo…
It took Harry a long time to get over that accusation. At first the very horror of the idea consumed him and he stared into the Gryffindor fire for hours, wondering what he had become and if it was what Dumbledore intended. Eventually he comforted himself with the fact that it had only happened once, and if it had not happened now then who knows how many times he may have tried to manipulate people before he was alerted to how he was acting. Maybe that was how Dumbledore started, maybe Harry was the first one to tell him that manipulating people was unacceptable?
He didn't know. But he did know that he had to be careful now, because, as Snape had pointed out, he had the potential inside him.
…ooo000ooo…
Four days before the other Hogwarts students returned, Harry was interrupted in his musings by the sound of the portrait hole opening down in the common room.
Getting to his feet, he hurriedly made his way out of the open dormitory door to the balcony, where he could see Professor McGonagall squinting up in his direction from down below.
"Potter?" she called "Please come down, I wish to have a word with you."
Reluctantly, Harry made his way downstairs. The professor watched him the whole way, frowning disapprovingly.
"Have you been eating Potter? Your lack of presence in the Great Hall at mealtimes has been noted."
"I'm fine professor, I've been visiting the kitchens." he said dully.
"Five points from Gryffindor!" she said crossly, and Harry looked up, surprised.
"Surely you know the kitchens are out of bounds for students?" McGonagall said incredulously, then Harry harrumphed as he shook his head. He did actually, but he had honestly forgotten. "Well now you know. I'll expect you in the hall for meals from now on."
"Yes Professor."
"Good. Now Professor Dumbledore would like to speak to you in his office," she continued, not fully noting the fact that Harry was shaking his head "so please make your way there promptly - what do you mean no Potter?" she finally noticed, looking indignant.
"I don't want to speak to him, Professor." he replied simply.
"I'm surprised at you Harry!" She said, looking confused and angry "It's not like you to be impertinent! The headmaster has requested your presence, and so you must go. This is not up for discussion."
Harry stared back defiantly. "I don't want to see him professor. I refuse to speak to that man."
"Potter! Ten points from Gryffindor for disrespect! If you do not go to see Professor Dumbledore this minute I will be forced to issue detentions!"
"I don't care about detention." Harry said stubbornly "You can't make me see him."
"I see." McGonagall said stiffly, her lips thinned. "The headmaster told me that you might be difficult. I see I was wrong in telling him that he was mistaken-"
"Oh he did, did he?" Harry burst out angrily "What has he been saying about me?" Harry had visions of the headmaster spreading rumours, like the Daily Prophet, that Harry Potter was mentally imbalanced and not to be trusted. Who knew what he had told everyone!
"Mr Potter-!" McGonagall said furiously
"You know what?" Harry interrupted rudely "I think I will visit the headmaster after all!" and with that, he stormed out the common room, leaving a speechless Professor McGonagall behind him.
…ooo000ooo…
"Harry." the headmaster said tiredly, cutting into Harry's ranting "I merely sent Professor McGonagall to get you because I wanted to bring up an issue with you before term begins. I meant nothing but a warning by telling her you may behave 'difficultly', and I was right, wasn't I? It was to be expected that you wouldn't respond favourably to the idea of meeting me."
Harry took a few deep breaths as he thought this over. He was still out of breath from running up to the headmaster's tower.
"What do you want then?" he said finally.
"To know where we stand. Harry, I know you are angry with me, but I need to know, do you still have the same goals as the Order of the Phoenix?"
"If you're asking me if I'm going to join Voldemort, then the answer is no." Harry said scornfully, and was surprised at the look of relief that briefly crossed the headmaster's face. Did he actually think …
"I don't know if I still want to kill him though." he answered truthfully "I think I do, but I don't want to die."
"Of course not Harry!" Dumbledore replied "Your death is only the most straightforward way of getting rid of that particular Horcrux."
"You mean there are other ways?" Harry began angrily
"No, I'm afraid that so far I have not uncovered any." the headmaster replied sadly "But that is not for lack of trying."
"Right." Harry replied slowly, not sure if he should believe Dumbledore or not.
"So we are agreed that you will continue working for the Order?"
"No!" Harry said indignantly "I'll do what I like and if my goals are the same as the Order's then that's a bonus for you!"
"So then I should not trust you with any information we come across?" Dumbledore said, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah right! Because you gave me information before!" Harry snorted sarcastically.
"I gave you the information that I deemed appropriate." Dumbledore said sternly.
"Look," Harry continued angrily "I'm not funding the Order unless I know exactly where the money is going to. You can keep Grimmauld Place, I hate the place anyway. If you give me information, obviously I wouldn't tell anyone on Voldemort's side, and it may be helpful to me if I decide to try to kill Voldemort for you, but-"
"For me Harry?" Dumbledore said softly "Don't you want him dead yourself?"
"Of course I do!" Harry snapped, "But you want me specifically to kill him, whereas I don't care who does it! Anyway, give me the information and I might find it useful. Don't give me the information and we'll never know."
"Very well." the headmaster nodded slowly "But there is one final matter. It seems that you intend to do whatever you wish from now on, regardless of my opinion?"
"That's right!" Harry nodded vigorously
"Then it would be impossible for me to ensure that you are safe and to know where you are at any given time when I think you may be in danger. I would like for you to have a member of the Order with you at all times to keep you safe - Nymphadora Tonks could masquerade as a new student-"
"No!" Harry interrupted "Absolutely not. I won't have anyone following me!"
"You don't trust her?"
"I trust Tonks," Harry said emphatically "But I don't trust her to defy you, if you tell her to report back on my every move."
"If I were to give my word-"
"I wouldn't trust you. It's not happening Professor."
Harry turned and left.
…ooo000ooo…
Dear Harry, read Hermione's neat handwriting
Harry mate you won't believe what's happened! came Ron's untidy scrawl, and Harry wondered why the two of them were together, and why Ron sounded so friendly.It's amazing! I thought they would never ask us, but-
Harry, Dumbledore has let us join the Order!
Harry's insides turned to ice.
We were sent portkeys to take us to the headquarters, and we had no idea what was happening-
We arrived in the middle of a meeting by the looks of things -
Harry, Dumbledore told us what happened between you two, and we understand that you're angry that he took your money, and I know its hard, but you've got to see that he thought it was for the best. Don't be angry, we agree that it was wrong of him, but he didn't mean to jeopardise your trust in him and he had a lot of things on his mind with Voldemort returning. How could the Order function without money? It must have just made sense to use the money your father had offered.
We're all on the same side here, and defeating Voldemort is so important, and you mustn't lose sight of that, no matter what personal issues are going on! Dumbledore was also wrong not to tell you about some things, but really Harry, he has to run the Order and he can't tell everyone all the information in case someone is captured and the information leaked. Half of the Order don't even know we've joined, for instance.
Harry's hands shook violently. Hermione had no idea of the extent of the truths that Dumbledore had hidden from him.
Anyway, the reason Dumbledore wanted us to join was to help take care of you. He told us that you're determined to go your own way - which I think is very irresponsible, by the way. I know you get along really well with Tonks and she's a brilliant auror, so I don't see what the problem is. I hope you're not jeopardising your safety just to get back at the headmaster. Of course Ron and I are glad to have been trusted to formally protect you, but would having Tonks around really have been so bad?
Well he knows we're always with you, so why not us instead? It's a brilliant idea. Tonks is great and all, but I agree with you Harry, its better off just the three if us.
Also, Ron wanted to say something to your Harry…
Yeah mate, I'm sorry about everything. I didn't mean to, but it looks like I've practically driven you to Malfoy, at least that's what Dumbledore hinted. I didn't really think of the consequences I suppose.
"Oh, so Dumbledore's sticking his nose into my business with my friends now is he?" Harry said to himself angrily. He couldn't believe the nerve of the man. Of course he wanted to be friends with Ron, but it looked like the headmaster thought that he would be relieved to ditch Draco as soon as Ron was by his side again, and he must have told Ron that very thing to make him to eager to be friends again as soon as possible.
I want to be your friend again, if you're up for it. Me and Hermione-
Hermione and I, Ron.
- we're here to protect you mate, and not just because Dumbledore told us how important it is. We're your friends and we really do care about you and Hermione's drummed it into my head that I shouldn't let petty arguments get in the way of that. And I see that now.
Anyway Harry, we have to go now. We wish you could officially be an Order member too, but it would be only ceremonial anyway as the whole organisation is practically based around you of course! We can't wait to see you again. We're worried about you, Dumbledore says you've been avoiding meals and that you won't speak to him. We both understand that you must be upset Harry, but don't worry, we'll be with you soon. Just don't lose sight of the greater good while you're waiting.
Love,
Hermione and Ron. xxx
Harry's quill was practically itching to write out a scathing reply, listing all Dumbledore's sins and how he had managed to deceive Ron and Hermione too now, but he held himself in check for two reasons. One, his friends had no idea that they had just been skilfully manipulated. This was not their fault. Two, Harry needed to take his time to figure out the best method for tackling this problem, and somehow he didn't think that sending his friends long winded explanations by owl was the best effort. No. This needed to be dealt with in person.
…ooo000ooo…
Harry had begun eating in the Great Hall again, and after several days, Dumbledore had made no move to talk to him about Hermione and Ron's sudden promotion. The students were due to arrive at dinner tonight, and Harry was still deciding on his new persona.
For if Harry was not Dumbledore's man, who was he?
Being his own man meant he was more vulnerable. He had to be careful, and suspicious, maybe even paranoid like Snape. He added those words to his mental list of his new characteristics.
It made Harry vulnerable when people found out what upset him, so he would need to guard his emotions, be a closed book. Draco hid his emotions with a blank face or sarcasm. Snape used sarcasm and fear. Harry could do a blank face, he hoped. Sarcasm? Maybe. Cause fear? No. If Harry tried to be intimidating, which he doubted he could, it wouldn't take long for the 'Harry Potter is the next Dark Lord' rumours to start. It had almost happened in second year after all.
He thought over his list with amusement.
Constant vigilance.
Good actor.
In summary, he had to be just like Barty Crouch Junior in his fourth year.
…ooo000ooo…
By chance, it was Malfoy who Harry met from the carriages first. He decided to take care of it right away, and pulled him away from his suspicious Slytherin friends.
"What is it?" Malfoy whispered, impatiently tugging his scarf tighter in the cold wind.
"You were right about Dumbledore." Harry stated, watching his expression "He has been manipulating me."
Malfoy looked pleased.
"Told you." he said smugly, and resisted the urge to cuff him in the ribs.
"It was worse than I thought though." Harry admitted with a sigh.
"Really? How?" Malfoy looked intrigued.
"Later." Harry caught sight of Ron and Hermione getting out of a carriage up ahead "Look I just need to know if you still want to pretend to be friends?"
"Huh? What do you mean?" Malfoy asked, staring at him piercingly with his sharp grey eyes.
"I'm going my own way." Harry said, the words tasting odd in his mouth "Not against Dumbledore, but I'm not going to let him rule my life either." He paused, adding meaningfully "That limit's the favours I can ask of him. I don't think he'd protect you if I asked him to anymore."
"But would you?" Draco asked suddenly
"What?"
"Will you protect me, if he won't?" Malfoy persisted
"I - yes, of course I would! We're friends!" Harry said, before he could stop himself.
Malfoy raised an eyebrow.
"Well - um - not really." Harry said clumsily "But - well, you've been decent enough to me, so I don't see why we couldn't really be."
"So you trust me?" Malfoy asked slyly.
Harry frowned back. "I guess not. Not until you've told everyone you're against Voldemort."
"Then we're not friends." he replied smoothly.
"Not until you've proved it." Harry shot back.
"Maybe after that then." Malfoy replied silkily, and moved rejoined his Slytherins.
…ooo000ooo…
Harry sat with Ron and Hermione at dinner. He waved away their initial questions with promises of 'We'll talk later', and put on a good show of friendship. He didn't want Dumbledore to see he'd hurt him.
He actually spotted the headmaster watching them once or twice, but just as he did when Hermione attempted to tell him off for being 'rude' to the headmaster over the holidays, he made the offender give up by means of a glare.
Ron looked unhappy at this, but didn't say anything, and Harry made the most of their mended friendship by bringing up the Cannons' latest match, and Harry was soon enjoying Ron's usual enthusiastic mood.
Hermione was annoyingly eager to get to the matter in hand however, and they were barely out of the Great Hall when she began to whisper furiously, but Harry shushed her again and led them to the Room of Requirement.
"Harry can we talk now?" she said as soon as he had shut the door behind them.
"Hang on." he said, then cast muffliato.
"What was that for?" Ron asked confusedly.
"Don't want to be overheard." Harry replied. Constant vigilance.
"But wouldn't the room be warded automatically if you wanted it to be?" Hermione asked confusedly.
Harry shrugged and tried to gloss over his mistake by taking his parents will and the bank letters out of his pockets. Don't let people see your weaknesses, he told himself as a reminder.
He handed the parchment roll over to Hermione and she and Ron poured over them. Harry watched them read until Hermione passed them back.
"Do you see why I was upset with Dumbledore now?" he asked calmly.
Hermione nodded hesitantly. "Yes, and it was wrong of him to take your money without your permission, but he was doing what he thought best."
"That doesn't make it right." he was already finding it hard to stick to his resolution not to show his emotions. He didn't really think his friends would sell him out, but controlling his expression and voice tone like this was good practice. He was trying his best to look as blank as Draco would in this situation.
"Harry," Hermione said slowly, as if talking to the mentally impaired "Professor Dumbledore should have asked your permission, but if he hadn't borrowed the money, the Order wouldn't have got as far as they have with Voldemort. You're on the same side as he is, you should work together."
"'Borrowed' implies that the professor intends to pay me back." Harry said coldly "And he hasn't.
"Well I'm sure he's going to at some point." Ron said awkwardly.
"Harry, you're missing the point." Hermione said frustratedly. "The headmaster will pay you back of course, but you need to be mature and realise that there's no point in being angry for the sake of it. What's done is done, and you need to stop not talking to Professor Dumbledore."
"So you think I don't have a right to be angry?" Harry was really struggling now.
"Look, apparently your father expressed wishes to use his inheritance to fund the Order anyway." Hermione said, again with that maddeningly patient air. "There's no point in being angry with the professor."
"The money is mine now though, and it's my permission he should be asking!" Harry snapped "Don't you get that?" he stared back at Hermione's hurt expression and gave up. "Look, what about the fact that he sold my dad's family manor? Don't you think I would have liked something from my family? All the old furniture, the portraits? I could have learnt so much about my family! And how can you justify him hiding the existence of my family vault?"
"He told us he was going to tell you when you turned seventeen." Ron shrugged "It's not that weird, I don't get told the particulars of my family's income until then anyway. In fact I don't at all, because Bill's the heir."
"But Dumbledore's not related to me! Even Gringotts said he had no right to take my money or keep information about it from me!" Harry said exasperatedly. "Look, what about Sirius's vault? And Grimmauld Place? No one even told me I was named in the will!"
"I'm sorry Harry, but all I can say is that Dumbledore thought it was for the best!" Hermione said desperately.
"That doesn't give him the right to rule over my life, or anyone else's!" Harry exploded "If your parents died would you be happy with him fiddling their bank accounts? Selling their house?"
Hermione looked on the verge of tears "No, no I wouldn't be happy." she whispered
"Great!" Harry threw his hands in the air in triumph.
"But I would trust him to know what he was doing." she added, more firmly. "I feel awful for saying it Harry, and in any other circumstances I'd already have drafted a letter to several lawyers to you, but we're in the middle of a war. You can't let this divide you from Professor Dumbledore. We need to be united to win this war."
"Argh!" Harry shouted, ripping at his hair, and Hermione stumbled back.
"Hey! There's no need to be like that!" Ron shouted "We're just here to help!"
"Help?!" Harry said incredulously "Help! Ron's he's completely manipulated you two against me! You'll believe whatever he says no matter what I say!"
"Harry, don't over-react. Did you really expect Ron and I to turn down the offer to join the Order? Listen to what we're trying to tell you, we understand, but the war is more important right now."
"Professor Dumbledore said that you might be angry that we're in the Order and you're not. But Harry mate, we'll tell you all about-" Ron began.
"Angry?" Harry laughed maniacally "I told him straight out that I wanted nothing to do with his precious Order!"
"You didn't!" Hermione exclaimed "Harry! How could you! How are we supposed to defeat Voldemort without you!?"
"Oh so he told you did he?" Harry snapped "How he manipulated me into the person I am now? So that I would give my life to 'the cause'?"
"Don't be ridiculous Harry!" Hermione said desperately "Dumbledore would never-"
"But if he did, you would just say it was for the best, wouldn't you?" Harry snapped, and turned his back on them.
…ooo000ooo…
Harry woke up on the first day of term to find his dormitory empty. It looked as if Ron had put a silencing spell on his bed curtains in a gesture of petty revenge so that he would be late for his first day of classes.
He checked the time and cursed. He wasn't late for classes yet, but he'd missed breakfast, and if he dawdled any longer he so would be facing professor McGonagall's wrath.
He managed to get halfway to class before he spotted his friends at the other end of a corridore. Ex-friends, he thought glumly, hanging back on purpose. He made sure he sat as far away from them both as he could in all his classes, but although he could ignore Ron's glares if he didn't look at him, it was hard to avoid Hermione when she kept trying to speak to him.
When he entered the great hall at lunch she actually grabbed his shoulder and forced him to look at her.
"Harry! We need to talk, I don't want to fight!" her eyes were swimming with tears and she looked truly devastated.
Harry refused to let emotion onto his face. "Let me know," he said calmly "when you've decided to take my side instead of Dumbledore's."
"Harry we are on your side!" she whispered
"Yeah?" he cocked an eyebrow "Then why did you agree to spy on me for him?"
He turned his back on her and marched over to the Slytherin table.
"What the hell," Malfoy said immediately as Harry sat down beside him "was that about?"
He said the words with relish. He'd watched the trio interact from across the hall, and he'd been dying to find out what it was that they'd done to make Potter treat them the way his father would treat an uppity mudblood. The question of what Potter had found out about Dumbledore had been ringing in his mind since Harry's mysterious hints yesterday, and now it looked like the Weasel and the Mudblood had some part in it.
"Tell me!" he commanded impatiently, when Potter merely looked depressed and didn't reply.
"It's a long story." Harry said miserably. "I don't know if I can take going through it again."
"You said you would tell me!" Draco said accusingly.
Harry sighed.
"Out with it!"
"Basically, Dumbledore's been taking money out of my account, and he's sold my family homes and heirlooms without me knowing."
There was a moment of silence, and then Draco said "Are you serious?"
Harry looked up to see that Malfoy looked horrified. "Yeah. And it looks like you're the only one who sees where I'm coming from. He's brainwashed Ron and Hermione into thinking I should just get over myself and forget about it."
"Forget about it?" Draco hissed "He sold hundreds of years of priceless family history, he had NO right!"
Harry could have hugged him.
"Thanks." he said quietly
"For what?"
"Agreeing with me."
"And that, Golden Boy, is why you need to get yourself some goons." Draco said loudly, throwing an arm around Crabbe, who looked up like a startled troll. "They always agree with you."
Harry sniggered and dug into his porridge.
"Are you going to try and get them back?" Draco asked after a while, and Harry looked up in surprise
"Do you think I can? I mean all my family's stuff has been sold on to people, I can't just ask for it back. Can I?" he asked hopefully, and Draco shook his head looking rueful.
"Well…technically you might be able to, if you could find out exactly who bought what and hired a lawyer who would have to go through each individual case … I mean you didn't really give your permission, but they bought the stuff legally…" Draco's voice trailed off.
Harry stared down at the tablecloth in disappointment. He didn't really want to admit it to himself, but if Draco had been able to get him back his family's possessions, he would have forgiven him for all his crimes in a heartbeat.
"It would be almost impossible to get everything back." Draco concluded "But you could try for the houses."
"What?"
"They'd be a lot easier to track down, and they're only really supposed to go to heirs of your family - unless the Potters did things differently from normal purebloods-" Draco sniffed "so you could have a case there. You'd have to be careful though, use only the best lawyers. I can use my family's contacts to -"
"Draco - thank you thank you thank you!" Harry grabbed his arm, aware that a full on hug would be inappropriate.
"It would take a while though!" Draco almost squeaked with alarm.
"Why are you so eager to help me though, that's the only thing I don't get?" Harry asked, remembering that their friendship was supposed to be false.
"Harry, you really don't know anything about pureblood society, don't you? It's a huge offence to do something like Dumbledore has. Your family heirlooms are precious, bloodlines and family are beyond important. It's not just an insult to you, it's an insult to purebloods. And Dumbledore, as a pureblood, has acted as an embarrassment to us all.
…ooo000ooo…
It was looking to be a long and lonely term ahead without Ron and Hermione. Harry knew if he could only make them see the truth, everything would be alright. But their unrelenting trust in Dumbledore almost had his anger boiling over at every turn.
It comforted him that at least they were doing a terrible job of keeping him safe, or as Harry liked to call it 'spying and reporting back to Dumbledore'. He avoided them effortlessly; in class he glared at Hermione, making her eyes fill with tears, and she would turn away and find someone else to sit with. All he had to do to get rid of Ron was have Draco Malfoy with him in the corridors and in many classes as possible.
He could see how much it hurt his friends that he was choosing to be with Draco rather than them, but in truth he found Malfoy to have a very refreshing view on things. Although Harry didn't tell Draco any potentially useful information for Death Eaters, he could tell him the basics, and Malfoy readily believed that Dumbledore would do anything to manipulate Harry. He was also scornful of Ron an Hermione for abandoning Harry so easily, and although Harry knew that he that he disliked Ron and Hermione anyway, it was miles better than listening to Hermione's voice in his head telling him that they thought they were acting for Harry's own good.
So what if Draco was biased, it was good to hear someone agreeing with him for once.
After having Draco around for an extended amount of time, Harry began to notice other repeating occurrences apart from increasingly vicious jibes towards Dumbledore and his ex-best friends. First of all, Ginny Weasley suddenly seemed to have finally overcome her habit of disappearing every time Harry entered a room. At first, he had wondered, with a sinking feeling, if she had perhaps not been as put off as he had thought she was by his hurtful words to her on the platform, but then he noticed that she didn't seem all to interested in Harry himself at all.
Rather than repeatedly catching her eye by accident due to her staring, or constantly bumping into her when he turned around as he used to, Ginny seemed more interested in joining his conversations, particularly with Draco.
She constantly interjected everything he said to the Slytherin with some inconsequential comment of her own and developed a new habit of asking Draco his opinion on every topic that came up in conversation. She would bump into Harry and Draco in corridors, and latch onto them for a few minutes before they parted for their separate classes, and at lunchtimes when Harry and Draco weren't eating at their respective house tables (which these days was seldom), she would walk with them down to his and Draco's usual lunch spot at the lake before leaving them to join her own various groups of friends. Whatever Ginny was up to, Harry thought to himself, she was certainly going more subtly about it than in the past.
Harry, despite not wanting Ginny as a girlfriend, couldn't quite bring himself to believe that Ginny had a romantic interest in Draco Malfoy. It was possible, after all, that she was simply intrigued by the idea of getting to know a Slytherin better - it wasn't as though many Slytherins would have a civilised conversation with a Gryffindor after all. Additionally, some part of him was confused as to how to feel about the situation. He was … less distrustful of Draco now, but he didn't feel enough trust to let him get his hands on Ginny.
But then again, what did it matter to him? He had turned her down, and she had moved on. Now that he and Ron weren't speaking, he couldn't even claim brotherly concern, and after his unfriendly words to her on Platform 9 ¾ he certainly couldn't put down his feelings about it all to concern for his friend. Finally he decided that it was none of his business, but out of respect for Ginny - she was some kind of friend after all, if not as close as they might have been - he resolved to ask Draco what his intentions were. He was confident he had nothing to worry about, as Draco was with Pansy and he couldn't see Ginny wanting to be 'the other woman'. He hoped. He had to admit Ginny was no longer the blushing first year she had been in the past.
Another thing Harry was constantly aware of, was the reactions of other students to their… partnership. No one dared utter the word friendship within their hearing range; indeed Harry and Draco never referred to themselves as 'we', but as well as whispers and gossip from the Gryffindors, there were several pointed remarks from Draco's Slytherin cronies about keeping up his reputation as 'lord of Slytherin' or whatever they called it. He was sure there had to be some kind of title attributed to the most popular or influential Slytherin, with the way they spoke of Draco's reputation, as if they all had shares in a (currently failing) business. When he mentioned his impressions to Draco, he had burst into laughter - something which always caught Harry off-guard - he just wasn't used to this side of Malfoy.
"Very perceptive Potter!" he cackled "I didn't realise how it must look to an outsider."
The two boys settled down on a sunny patch of grass by the lake to have their lunch: a stack of chicken legs Harry had gotten from Dobby in the kitchen.
"What - they are betting money on your status?"
"Not money…and its not that formal." Draco straightened up to explain, a smile still lingering on his face "Its not like that…its - well its how things work in Slytherin. I suppose it's become a way of life for us, without us realising how silly it must sound to someone like you - not that'd we'd care what you think." he added with a smirk
"What do you mean - about how things work in Slytherin?" Harry was intrigued.
"Our friendships determine our status. My father, as respectable, high ranking ministry official and a just as high-ranking follower of Him meant that I was just as respected as he - in my own circle, here at school - in Slytherin. The only people here who could trump me would be the Dark Lord's heir himself - who doesn't exist - and any child of my aunt Bellatrix - again, non existent. Thank god." He shuddered at the thought of Bellatrix' having a baby.
"So I was top dog" he continued "apart from the older ones, they naturally have higher status, for now at least. Anyone who I was friends with was immediately given a similar high status, meaning they don't get pushed around by anyone else and other people look up to them."
"But outside of school, doesn't that mean your status meant nothing?" Harry asked
"To real Death Eaters, yes I suppose…" Draco drifted off into thought for a moment. "I used to think He'd respect me more than some of them just for being my father's son, but now I realise…Well I think I always knew, deep down really, that it wouldn't happen like that."
"But anyway, my status at school does mean that I'll be judged on that by ex-schoolmates once I leave school, until I carve out a real reputation of my own in the adult world. Like my father. Until I do that though, my school status would make me more likely to get to high places. For instance, say an ex-Slytherin - of any age - owned a quidditch team, and I wanted to be on it. They'd hire me above anyone else whose school status was lesser than mine - which in the past was everyone."
"It seems a bit … serious, this status thing." Harry admitted, unable to imagine this sort of ranking in Gryffindor
"It's more embedded, more subconscious than I'm making it sound. We don't really talk about it at all, it just…happens."
"Oh." said Harry and then another thought occurred to him "But now that you're fathers…" in prison, he finished in his head
"My status went down the drain." Malfoy seemed to understand the unsaid.
"But," Harry was confused "You don't seem less … respected."
"I was forced to either accept my lowered status or make myself a new one. Hence the reason I attacked you on the train at the beginning of term, even though I realised it would damage my chances at protection from you."
Draco paused for a bit of chicken "You're like…the Dark Lord's nemesis, hence Slytherin as a whole hates you. Every time I knock you around I gain status. At the time, I was more sure of gaining my status back than gaining your protection, so I just had to attack you. Not that that made everything just go back to normal."
"So what did?" Harry asked, intrigued.
"This did. Me pretending to spy on you, although you know that's not the truth, they don't." he gestured vaguely to the Great Hall, meaning the other Slytherins.
Harry shifted uncomfortable and tried to look innocent.
"I'm not quite back to the top yet though. I'm actually going lower seeing as I'm not reporting back any information. But it's better than us staging fights anyway. They're all waiting with bated breath for me to betray you and tell your secrets to the school - or to Him."
At this, Harry felt very uneasy. At Malfoy's questioning glance, he thought up something to say that sounded right.
"I don't like it. You could just tell your friends you're still pretending to be my friend, when you finally do decide to tell everyone you've turned your back on Voldemort."
"I know." Malfoy said simply
"What? But -!"
"Shut up Potter." Malfoy snapped coldly, and Harry stiffened. It had been a long time - weeks - since Malfoy had spoken to him in this tone.
"Listen to me now. You don't trust me, and I understand that. So you need to understand that I don't trust you. I'm not going to burn my bridges before I know I can trust you with - everything. With my life even, the way I can trust my friends at the moment."
"But you can't." Harry quickly said "They only want you for you money, your 'status', like you said."
"And you only want me for my loyalty to your cause."
"No." Harry said, knowing this was his cue to say something to bring Malfoy closer to his side.
"What?" Malfoy frowned
"No. That's not true. So far, this - deal, it's been better than I thought it would be. We've actually had a laugh. I thought it would all be you skulking around causing trouble, but - " Harry waved a hand to keep Draco from protesting "it's actually been alright."
He ignored the incredulous expression on Malfoy's face. "If you were anyone else, we'd be … friends by now. And a friend means that I would protect you no matter what you did, as long as I could trust you were with me - on my side. But I can't. So the only thing that's holding me back from giving you almost unconditional protection is the fact that you aren't prepared to take a leap of faith. Sometimes you have to take a risk for friendship."
There was a long silence. Harry refused to look away from Malfoy, who was shredding the leaves of some unfortunate plant beside him, staring at the ground.
Finally he spoke.
"What a Gryffindor-like speech."
"Is that all you have to say!?" Harry snapped
"No. I don't know Potter, this is my life we're talking about here."
"Well listen up." Harry felt frustrated and angry, "This 'deal' is putting more than me at risk. If I let you carry on just 'hanging around' with me, you could overhear something, something that would endanger other people as well as me. And I'm not putting anyone else at risk. I've already pretty much waved goodbye to Ron and Hermione, and yes that's Dumbledore's fault at the moment, but at the beginning I let it happen, for you. So far its been me doing all the sacrificing while you play double agent. I'm not having it. You have to choose."
Draco looked up "But I don't know…" he looked panicky
"Well here it is." Harry stated. He needed to do this, he needed more people on the light side to be nicer to Draco for this to work. "I'm offering protection and friendship, if you can really prove yourself. If not, you can throw your lot in with the Slytherins, go back to the way things were."
Draco stared blank faced across the lake.
"Do I get time to think about it?"
"If you have to think about it I think its pretty clear where your loyalties lie."
There was a long silence.
"I don't want to be a Death Eater, but I also don't want to be go the run." Draco said slowly, and met Harry's eyes "But the only way to escape that is to join your side. But to do that I have to trust that you really will protect me - from other Slytherins, even against the Dark Lord himself. And I'll be waving goodbye to my inheritance. I've accepted that - it was the first thing I considered. But I'll also lose all my friends-"
"Something which I've already had to go through because of you -" Harry cut in loudly
"And I'll be in constant danger - which I'd be in no matter what side I'm on." Draco continued, ignoring him, then fell silent for another minute
"I believe that you will protect me, but not above everyone else. That's reasonable I suppose." he deliberated "I've got enough family valuables with me at school to provide enough money for a while, if I sell them. I don't want to lose my friends though." he contemplated it a while longer
"If they're any kind of friends they'll support you no matter what." Harry said, feeling the irony.
"Potter you're such a Gryffindor its not even funny." Malfoy smiled wryly "The real world doesn't work like that. Look at your own friends, where are they?"
Harry didn't answer.
Malfoy sighed "Then my choice seems pretty clear, for a Gryffindor anyway."
"And?" Harry prompted
"I'm with you." Malfoy looked…irritated "But I'm not happy about it!" He added, with just a hint of a smirk so Harry knew he was joking
"When are you going to tell them anyway?" Harry said grumpily, although really he was fighting a triumphant smile "The truth - about why you're hanging around with me?"
"Soon," Draco said, his smile fading "Just as soon as I can think of a way to do it so that you'll know for certain that I'm not playing double agent - and so they will too. And hopefully not rip me apart for it." he miserably.
…ooo000ooo…
Every night, Draco lay awake, his head spinning with the complex intricacies of the web of lies he had weaved. He had no idea what had happened to his life; since the Dark Lord's return his family had foisted new expectations and responsibilities upon him - or was it just because he had been growing older?
There had been less emphasis on his schoolwork, more on marrying well and on learning the Dark Arts. He had resented the lack of affection he had been shown at home, and it had only grown worse when he had been summoned and the Dark Lord had given him his task.
After he had been given his mission, when he visited Lucius in his cell, his father had given him no more than a nod, such as he would give other Death Eaters, and his mother had acted the same as ever although with even less affection than usual, if that was even possible.
It was as if he was no longer their son but a fellow Death Eater, some work comrade of Lucius's.
Since his father's incarceration, he had been left with his cold and distant mother.
Being treated like an adult did not make Draco happy, as he had found out. He lay now staring up at the emerald canopy of his four-poster. He rubbed his hands over his face, clenching his teeth, and turned over in bed, unable to sleep yet again. His thoughts kept pulling back to his lies.
When he had decided the best way to breach Potter's defences was to befriend him, he had been sure of his actions. Now, he was beginning to wonder if this act - that he was under Potter's protection - would really work. His uncertainty lay in the fact that joining Potter's side really was beginning to look more desirable, now that he had had a taste of it. On Potter's side, he lived in a world of innocence, where the Dark Lord would be defeated and life would go back to normal. Where he could have friends he could confide in, if he would only allow Potter to get close enough to him. Where he didn't have to lie, and where he was safe and doing the right thing was easy.
He'd thought that by telling Potter the truth about his feelings for becoming a Death Eater his lie would be more believable. Now however he felt naked around the other boy and he felt as if he was deceiving himself more than anyone else.
As much as he hated himself for it, he had always envied Potter's fame and popularity, having had to compete with it for years. Now that he knew the boy more personally though, he had made one shocking discovery after another; Harry was not acting. He really was as humble and modest as he made out, and he really hated his fame. Draco, having acted his character out his whole life could barely conceive being so open with everyone. He had been brought up to sneer and laugh rather than cry, to turn up his nose rather than show weakness. His poker face was impeccable. Pansy knew him well, but only because she too was a high-society pureblood and could read into his action as an outsider would never be able to, because she was acting out the same script. Harry was a new phenomenon. He had never met anyone as…good, anyone who really was as selfless and loyal as they made out. Harry was a goody-two-shoes, worse than Granger in many ways, and he didn't even realise it. This irritated Draco beyond belief.
He no longer hated Potter - the boy was a completely different ball game to what Draco had thought he was. He and Potter weren't even on the same level. It wasn't that he believed himself superior, but the fact was that the world Potter lived in was one that bore no resemblance to Draco's world. In his opinion, Potter was still living a child's life, shielded from reality. The way the world really worked had been revealed to Draco months ago and now he was struggling to come to terms with it. Potter had lived through many horrors and had more to come, most likely, but he still felt protected and safe, whatever he said, whatever he had discovered about Dumbledore, Draco could see it. Potter relied on others for comfort. He trusted. He loved. He was naïve, naïve enough to trust someone like Draco. Draco knew that to be safe meant to be self-reliant. As long as your wellbeing lay in other hands, you were at risk, and Draco knew that well now. If he ever was his true self around Potter, Potter would detest him.
And so here he was, lying to Potter. But the lie was starting to look an awful lot like reality, and he now felt he was lying to Pansy, to his family. He didn't know were his loyalties lay, but the balancing act he was engaged in couldn't last forever. It was practical to deceive Potter, safer. He knew he would be safe, albeit perhaps not happy if he went along with the Dark Lord's wishes. Living in Potter's world, being on the good side made him happy and he felt safe… if one ignored the fact that the Dark Lord would undoubtedly hunt him out in the end and cause him to die painfully and slowly.
The 'other' side was where Draco's loyalties lay. He was almost certain of it. It made sense, for goodness sakes! What was wrong with him. Stop doubting! he thought to himself, scornfully.
However the moment he tried to convince himself, Draco's mind spun in turmoil. He didn't know who he trusted, if anyone, or what he was going to do. Once more, for another night, he resolved to put the decision he must make back. He would decide another day. Who knew, the situation might resolve itself.
…ooo000ooo…
Hermione tried, once again not to cry as Harry glared at her and made off for his next class with Draco Malfoy smirking at his side.
"Don't worry." A reassuring voice said at her side, and she turned to smile sadly at Ron.
"If he'd just listen to what we have to say…" she murmured unhappily
"As long as Malfoy's with him we don't stand a chance." Ron growled, watching Harry and Malfoy through narrowed eyes.
"In the end, we're on his side more than the headmasters - oh Ron, it's just not right that we're talking about sides! Harry needs to realise that we're all on the same side here."
"Hermione the bloke did get rid of all his family's stuff." Ron said reasonably
"I know, and I'd be furious too, but he needs to take a step back and look at the big picture."
"Maybe he will after a while."
"If he would just stop trying to see enemies wherever he looks…Draco Malfoy isn't good for him."
"I could have told him that from the beginning." Ron said angrily "Look at that," he gestured towards Harry's table "You wouldn't even know they've hated each other for about six years!"
"He doesn't seem to realise that just because Professor Dumbledore overlooked Harry before borrowing his family's money, it doesn't make him an enemy. It must all just be a misunderstanding, and that doesn't make the headmaster in the right, but - what is it Ron?" she stopped, noticing Ron was shifted uncomfortably.
"Hermione…" he replied slowly. "I…well, do you think Harry could be right?"
"What do you mean?" she said indignantly "Don't tell me you think Dumbledore's evil too!"
"Harry didn't say Dumbledore was evil!" Ron pointed out "He just made out that he didn't have Harry's best interests at heart!"
"Of course he-!" Hermione began, but Ron interrupted.
"No, just listen okay? Dumbledore's been fighting this war since Harry was born! And you know that prophecy? Well everyone's saying that Harry's the 'Chosen One' or whatever, and what if it's true?"
"Ron, prophecies are a load of rubbish!" she scoffed
"But if Dumbledore believes its true, doesn't it make sense that he would want control of the one who can kill Voldemort? I mean he'd have known about the prophecy from the beginning and he's had all this time to think of what to do - I don't mean he would control Harry really, but Harry might see it that way-"
"Ron think of what you're saying!" Hermione said pompously "Dumbledore would never-"
"Being a teacher doesn't make someone perfect and always right!" Ron said incredulously "When are you going to get that in your head!"
Suddenly a fifth year Hufflepuff girl appeared at Ron's shoulder.
"Hey, you're Ron Weasley!" she said excitedly.
"Yeah…" he replied, baffled
"I loved your party!" she exclaimed, bouncing and clapping her hands excitedly "Everyone's been talking about it for so long - I told my cousins at home about how great it was in my letters - wait till I told them I spoke to you! How did you get the teacher's hair for the Polyjuice potion?" she said breathlessly.
"Well. I-" Ron began, a grin spreading across his face, but Hermione cut him off.
"It was an extremely irresponsible and childish idea! An Ron regrets losing his prefect badge over something so silly!"
"No I don't!" Ron said, turning red "And it was a brilliant party!"
"It was a silly, childish thing to get in trouble for!" Hermione hissed
"Well everyone I've spoke to says it was amazing." said the Hufflepuff girl stoutly.
…ooo000ooo…
Ron stared wistfully across the common room at Hermione, who was sitting with Parvati and Lavender. She'd done something to her hair; her wild ringlets had been tamed, and now fell elegantly down her back. Whatever she and her dorm mates were talking about, Ron couldn't help feeling gratitude towards them: clearly their fashion tips had a positive effect on Hermione.
He just wished he had the guts to talk to her.
"Wow Hermione,"he'd say "What did you do to your hair, it looks amazing! It really suits you!"
The thing was, these words only ever sounded good in his head, and whenever he decide to voice such thoughts, he always realised how silly and fake they sounded at the last minute and chickened out.
Ron had been vainly hoping for so long now that Hermione would decide that she had feelings for him and ask him out. It seemed cowardly, but if he asked, he was sure it would ruin their friendship. Hermione was good with words, he knew if she was the one to say it, that she would say it right, and they wouldn't have to worry about awkwardness afterwards, because of course he would say yes.
There had been times when Ron was certain that Hermione liked him as more than a friend, but recently she had been growing more distant, and even he couldn't fail to realise that his chance with Hermione was slowly slipping away.
He wished he hadn't shouted at her about the party, it had only made things worse. He'd made several tentative apologies, which she'd finally accepted. Unusually, she also admitted that she'd lashed out at him about the party a little unfairly because she was upset about him defending Harry about Dumbledore, but Ron had wanted to even get into that, so he'd just shrugged.
He wanted to talk to Harry more about Dumbledore. He'd been so excited to be an Order member (very much against his mother's wishes) that he hadn't really thought about how Dumbledore had been acting strangely sad and regretful when he'd spoken about Harry. In fact, Ron thought, it had sounded exactly as if Dumbledore had turned to them because he couldn't handle Harry himself. The last thing Ron wanted to do was to keep Harry in line for the headmaster, reporting back every time Harry did something risky. It just wasn't what friends did.
Dumbledore's reasoning sounded fishy when put up against Harry's protests of money unfairly taken - because it had been unfairly taken, and unlike Hermione's persistent reasoning, being Professor Dumbledore did not make all a person's actions right. Oh she denied that of course, but Ron knew Hermione well enough to see that deep inside she still looked with complete trust towards certain authoritative figures like the headmaster and Professor McGonagall.
Nevertheless, Harry was still choosing Malfoy over Ron. He couldn't stand another minute of that ferret smirking at him from beside Harry, who seemed to condone it. If Harry could be bothered to even pretend he wanted him back, then he might hold out the olive branch, but until then…
His mind flicked back to Hermione. The more he thought about it, the more the decision firmed in his mind. The time had come for action.
…ooo000ooo…
Professor Snape's Defence classes remained the bane of Harry's life. Placed beside Malfoy in what both boys were convinced was a (misguided) effort to provoke a fight, they tried to act reasonably hostile (Malfoy still didn't want Snape reporting anything unusual back to Voldemort yet) but Snape, probably disheartened by the lack of fireworks, wasn't satisfied with that.
"Today," Snape swooped down the steps from his study upon his class "We will be focussing on team work."
The professor glided across the classroom.
"In a dual against multiple opponents," he lectured in a low voice "It is important to know that someone 'has your back'. Get into groups of six."
While the class shuffled among themselves he raised his voice, continuing "You will all see where you're classmate's intrinsic loyalties lie, when they are put under pressure. So shall your friendships be tested. Unfortunately…" his eyes rested on Harry, who was moving towards the nearest group of Gryffindors "Some cannot be trusted. Potter - you will fight with Malfoy against…" a slow smirk spread nastily across his sallow face "let me see…Nott, Zabini, Parkinson and…oh why not - Weasley! Get into position!"
Harry felt a churning sensation in his stomach. Whatever he had told Malfoy, he was not at all sure Ron would not just leave him to his fate with the Slytherins - aka his new friends, as Ron called them, and protect himself. There was no doubt the Slytherins would turn on he and Ron - Draco was still undercover, he wouldn't risk himself in front of Snape. In any case, siding with Harry in a duel where Draco was all but being asked to humiliate him was a bit much when he was only supposed to be casually spying on Harry to see what information he might be lucky enough to pick up. No, he turned to see Malfoy carefully avoiding his eyes, Malfoy wouldn't risk it.
The Slytherins were the first on the podium, positioned in a half circle facing Harry and Ron as they climbed up the steps.
"Now now!" Professor Snape chided his Slytherins good naturedly "Draco - your part is to protect Potter - stand behind him" the professor motioned as Draco moved into place.
"Potter!" he snapped "turn to your left slightly so that Draco can cover the area to your right!" Harry moved into the position with a feeling of dread - he couldn't even see Malfoy out the corner of his eye now.
"Weasley - here is your chance to show off your duelling prowess!" Snape smirked "Stand in front of Parkinson, Nott and Zabini!"
Ron and Harry were surrounded, facing each other, their backs to the Slytherins. Harry met Ron's eye, and Ron nodded slightly and he almost sighed with relief. They would protect each other's backs, a team - for now.
"Now…shall we make things more interesting?" Snape looked as if Christmas had come early when he saw the sickened look on Ron's face that this comment provoked.
"Miss Bullstrode…why don't you join Mr Malfoy? I daresay Potter could use the extra protection." Harry felt a wave of humiliation. Two against five now- and if there were more Slytherins in the class, he was sure there would be more. Snape wouldn't rest until he was publicly butchered. He just knew Snape wanted the class to see Harry humiliated.
"On three then!" Snape announced "One-" he said, then paused as the Slytherins attacked.
Pansy threw a slicing hex at Ron's back at the same time that Harry pulled Ron towards him and shouted "Protego!"
"Protego!" Ron shouted at Bulstrode and Malfoy, and Nott opted for throwing a tickling hex at Ron. As Ron crumpled to the ground giggling, Harry felt a thrill of fear and adrenaline - there were attackers in front and behind - too many to take on. Instinctively he threw a stunner over his shoulder and heard someone stumble, and used another Protego as Zabini and Parkinson raised their wands. Harry didn't know the hexes they used but they thankfully bounced off his shield. Nott threw another tickling hex.
"Buck up Theo!" Pansy snapped, and threw another slicing hex at Harry's neck while he shouted "Finite!" at Ron who was still in convulsions on the floor. Harry ducked, and sent a stunner her way, but behind him he heard Bulstrode shout "Petrificus Totalus!" and he threw himself to the side just in time, looking up to see Malfoy above him, wand raised. Ron was busy duelling Nott.
Harry scrambled to his feet, shouting "stupefy!", but Malfoy had already dodged to the side, giving him time. Bulstrode tried diffindo! now, but she misfired, her hex flying towards Malfoy who was facing the other way. "Protego!" Harry shouted without thinking, moving closer to Malfoy. Harry saw Malfoy's teeth clench and realised what he had done. However he had no time to see if Snape had noticed his actions.
Ron however, looked angry, but sent a stunner at Parkinson who responded with her own shield charm.
"Reducto!" Zabini shouted, and Harry's wand was pointed the other way at Bullstrode, who attacked at the same time.
"Protego!" Malfoy shouted suddenly, grabbing Harry by the elbow, out of the way of Bullstrode and deflecting Zabini's potentially bone-shattering hex. Pansy, not noticing her boyfriend's sudden change of sides which had Nott, Zabini and Bulstrode gaping like fish out of water, began to throw hex after hex at Ron, who quickly shouted "Protego! "and backed away to where Harry and Malfoy were standing. "Stupefy!" Harry shouted, and Nott went down. Draco took Bulstrode down with another stunner and Ron threw a Petrificus Totalus at Zabini and Impedimenta at Pansy.
There was a ringing silence in the classroom.
Harry stood, flanked by Draco and Ron, all three wands raised as Pansy began to stir among the fallen Slytherins.
"Enough!" Snape shouted into the silence, making the entire audience jump.
"Weasley!" I instructed you to work with the others, not Potter and Malfoy! Twenty points from Gryffindor!" Snape's eyed rested on Harry and Malfoy, a flicker of something Harry couldn't decipher in them. He couldn't take points from them, not when they had followed the rules and stuck together, and he wouldn't take points from his own house because Malfoy had joined the other Slytherins at first. Finally he spoke:
"Twenty points from Gryffindor Potter, for lack of creativity in you spell work."
…ooo000ooo…
"They already know!" Draco groaned miserably "There's no need to state anything explicitly!"
"Yes there is!" Harry said sharply "For me! You agreed!"
Draco pushed his hands through his already dishevelled hair, and Harry was glad Ginny wasn't there to swoon, as he had heard her and Romilda Vane giggling over this very subject at the Gryffindor table at dinner the night before. However Draco only groaned again in response to Harry's words.
"You should be convinced by now! That reducto was aimed at your heart, I saved your life!" He spoke in a petulant voice, his face hidden in his arms, his knees pulled up under his chin.
Harry's heart gave an odd little jump as he stared at Malfoy, who looked utterly miserable. That was true, Draco had instinctively protected Harry from his friends, even though he clearly had planned not to.
It looked like he was making progress. Ideally, he needed to be sure that Draco honestly did like Harry, but really he only had to convince Draco that joining Harry for real was actually a good idea.
The two were sitting in their usual lunchtime spot by the lake under the tree which would forever remind Harry of Snape's worst memory and, ironically, his fathers bullying and prejudiced side.
"For someone who already agreed to do this you seem awfully upset that half your job is done!" Harry said, trying to look suspicious
"Oh shut it Potter!" Malfoy snapped "I've given up that you'll ever understand how my mind works."
"Well so far it looks as if you were trying to worm your way out of telling them all the truth!" Harry said hotly
"No! I just didn't want it to come out in such a Gryffindor way! Protecting Harry fucking Potter - and not just for show - out of my 'intrinsic loyalties" - I could fucking gut Snape alive!"
Harry felt a swell of laughter building up, but hurriedly swallowed it. For some reason he barely doubted that vain Malfoy was telling the truth now.
…ooo000ooo…
"Hi," Hermione jogged over towards Theo outside Snape's classroom as soon as Ron had stormed off and Harry and Draco had left together. "Are you okay?" she asked breathlessly.
"I'm fine," Theo said distractedly, staring after Harry and Draco "He might not be, though."
"What do you mean?" she asked as they started for the library
"Well the other Slytherins are going to want to know what the hell Draco is playing at." Theo replied "In our house, we just don't turn against one another - at least in public. Unless there's a really good reason. Draco doesn't have a good enough reason, and he sided with Harry Potter of all people, against his own house, his best friends. Never mind in front of Snape. He's a Death Eater you know - Snape."
"Oh -what?" Hermione tried to sound shocked, and blushed as Theo laughed
"Hermione, you're a terrible liar! I take it you already know then? Don't worry, I won't ask any more questions!"
"Sorry." Hermione said humbly "But yes, I probably shouldn't say anymore."
"It's all right." Theo reassured her "But anyway, I'm not saying Draco is into the same things as his father-" he gave her a meaningful look "But if Snape tells Mr Malfoy about this, he's not going to be happy."
"I'm sure Malfoy will be fine." she replied "But anyway, I wanted to let you know how glad I am that you wouldn't curse Harry with anything dangerous, even when Pansy got angry with you. Thank you for doing that." Hermione blushed a little as she said it.
"No problem." Theo glanced at her "But you do realise that the curses the others were using shouldn't have been allowed? At least not in the classroom, Snape should have stepped in when Reducto was first used - imagine if that had hit someone in the head!"
Hermione shivered.
The pair studied quietly in the library for a short while, but Theo wanted to get back to Slytherin to check that Draco hadn't been ambushed so they broke up earlier than usual. They were only in the library for twenty minutes at most, but Theo seemed distracted the whole time, but Hermione supposed that she would be too, if Harry had done something similar.
She said goodbye to Theo reluctantly and left him tidying away his notes as she returned to the common room to resume her studying alone.
As soon as Harry entered the common room, he made a beeline straight for her and she hopefully moved her books from the seat beside her in a welcoming gesture.
"What are the other Slytherins making of what happened in the duel?" she asked immediately as he sat down in the chair awkwardly.
"Well Draco was going to tell everyone he's swapped sides soon anyway," Harry said slowly "so he's more embarrassed about the way it came out than anything. But I think he'll be able to smooth things over though, because he didn't seem too worried about heading back to his common room alone."
"What do you mean 'smooth things over'" Hermione asked suspiciously
"Draco wants to tell them all what side he's really on in his own way," Harry shrugged "so I suppose he'll tell them it's all part of his plan. He'll tell everyone the truth soon though!" he added at Hermione's raised eyebrow.
"If it's the truth." she said cynically, and Harry didn't reply for a while.
"Look Hermione," he said finally "can we just agree to disagree? About Draco and Dumbledore?" It killed Harry to say it; he was still angry at his friends, but he needed to attempt some kind of reconciliation.
"I just don't understand how you can think that Dumbledore-" she said hotly, but then stopped as Harry raised his hand.
"We can discuss it another time. I just need to know you're not spying on me and reporting back to Dumbledore?"
"What?" she exclaimed "You can't really-" she stopped herself this time. "Is it really that bad?" she said quietly.
Harry nodded, and she swallowed.
"It's not that I don't believe you Harry, it's just a lot to take in, especially when it's you who've been changing, not Dumbledore."
"I've been changing because of what I've found out about Dumbledore!" Harry snapped, then reined himself in. "Sorry. I want to talk about it some time, but I'm still angry with you." Hermione looked upset and he sighed. "Look, you don't know everything I've found out, but for now I want to make up with you. Just promise me that you're not reporting back to him?"
"Of course not Harry." she said, choked. "We can't even attend meetings while we're at school, so we wouldn't even be expected to speak to him regularly. We're just supposed to be on our guard, and he only asked that we go to him if we think you're putting yourself in immediate danger. I thought you'd know that if it came down to it, we're with you. Ron and I have every intention of telling you anything we find out in the meetings."
"You would?"
"Harry," her eyes were brimming with tears "we're friends. Just because we have disagreements-"
Harry squirmed as guilt seared through him. "Hermione, I'm so sorry.-"
"No Harry, I understand you're…struggling to deal with things. I just wish you'd still talk to Ron and I, and stop using Draco Malfoy to keep us away. It worries me, how much you might be telling him. Maybe you do trust him, but I just…"
"Hermione," Harry sighed "can you just trust me on this one?"
"I'll trust you Harry," she said, wiping her eyes on her sleeve "but not him. I can't, not yet." she reached for his hand. "Harry, next time you get worked up about something, don't let it get between us. I know Ron doesn't show it by crying all over you," she gave him a wobbly smile "but he hates this. Nothing we say pleases you."
"I'm really sorry. I'll try not to blow up next time we disagree. Did you mean what you said, about telling me what happens in Order meetings?"
"Of course. Harry, I promise he only wants us to contact him if you look like you're going to do something reckless and we can't stop you, there's no guarantee we'll even get to go to many meetings."
"Thank you." he said quietly, smiling at her and thinking to himself. Surely the headmaster wouldn't make them Order members simply to report back to him if Harry was putting himself in danger? On the other hand, with Hermione and her habit of being overly keen to please, maybe he hoped that she would want to contribute more than necessary, just like in class.
For a while, as Harry sat in silence Hermione attempted to work, despite her mind's insistence on dwelling on first on Harry, and then finally back to its original subject: Theo.
Does he like me at all? she wondered. She didn't like how distant he had been with her today after the duel, even if he did have good reason. Maybe she should make a move, let him know that she was interested.
But what shall I do? she wondered, barely registering Harry speaking as he got up to leave.
"See you Harry." she called absentmindedly, deciding she'd had enough studying for one day and starting to pack away her books.
…ooo000ooo…
As soon as Harry had moved off, Ron approached Hermione as she collected her text books together
"Hey." he plopped down on the seat nearest her, feeling queasy.
"Hi," she said distractedly "Ron, I think you're sitting on my potions notes."
Ron pulled a scroll out of the corner of his chair and said in a rush "Do you fancy going for a walk around the lake tomorrow?"
"Hmm?" Hermione said, stooping to retrieve a quill from the floor and added it to her pile of textbooks.
"Oh, I was just wondering," Ron said, stomach churning "If you wanted to, um, go for a walk? We could go to the quidditch pitch instead if you like?"
"I can't, I have to study." Hermione didn't seem to register the meaning of Ron's words and he considered just leaving it at that, but somehow couldn't make himself give up, now that he'd finally asked her.
"Er - Hermione?" he said as she turned towards the girl's stairs "We could go another day then - just you and me, y'know?"
Hermione finally gave him her full attention "Ron, I really can't I have a lot of work to get through-"
"But its only -"
"I'm trying to get ahead in my studies! And you could invite Harry you know, he's made up with me, and I'm sure he wants to talk to you too. Now, I really have to go."
With that, Hermione walked briskly away from him and disappeared up the stairs. Ron groaned. She had completely missed the point. Why had she chosen today of all days to be so un-Hermione-like?
…ooo000ooo…
Draco slumped against the dungeon wall as Snape's bat-like figure disappeared around the corner. He couldn't take this any longer, now that Snape was questioning him about his plans.
He wasn't even safe at school, Snape was now watching his every move, undoubtedly waiting for him to betray Potter. Soon, he would be required to state his loyalty to Potter in front of the entire school, and then what would Snape think? How many times could he fight him away with accusations of him trying to steal his glory, with usurping his father's power…with anything he could think of to keep him at bay? Nervous, he had already told him that his friendship with Potter was a ruse, but as that was the only information he had given, would Snape sense it wasn't the truth?
But was it a lie? Draco wasn't sure. More and more, he had found himself looking forward to meeting Harry Potter at lunchtimes, working together in classes and practicing quidditch together. This friendship was becoming too real, and it frightened him.
This couldn't last. The balancing act had to end. He had to choose a side before someone found him out and then he would be well and truly alone, neither side willing to take him in.