EVELYN
-OSTAGAR

It takes not so long for Duncan to have us reach Ostagar. While the trip looked to be about a week, we managed to make it in three or so days. All the while, Duncan gave me my peace for grief. He never pushed me, he never pulled me and he never made me feel unhappy. Yet, I still felt an intense hatred for Duncan. He held me back...he pulled me from my family as I watched them stare death in the eye. I could have fought with them! Died with them! But...I guess someone had to be there if Fergus didn't. He is at Ostagar, and I can't wait to see him. I miss my older brother almost as much as I miss my sister. There is a hole in my heart, almost like a gaping wound that is pulsing and bleeding all at once. It is a void that needs to be filled with love. With a family.

Duncan seems to understand, though I'm not so sure how. He talks to me when I need it, and in the few days, we develop some sort of bond. My hatred begins to fade as we reach Ostagar and come across the King, Cailan, and his knights. I'd only met Cailan once, and we never even talked. I saw him across the hall, really, and was it. He had looked at me, then made an ugly face and ran away. This was so many years ago. A decade at the most.

Duncan and the King greet each other, King Cailan with a bright smile on his face as he and Duncan grasp forearms. I miss most of the conversation, as most have gone through my head these past days. I can never focus. Not so much anymore...especially after what happened. I used to be a tactical person, one who looked at the future before charging into the present. Now, I can't think for two seconds without the horror of that night unfolding on my mind like the wind blowing the page of a novel.

King Cailan recognized me, I think. "You are Bryce's youngest, aren't you?" He asked. I blinked, silent as I absorbed his words.
"Y-Yes Your Majesty. Evelyn." I responded.

"No doubt you would wish to see your brother, but I believe he and a troop have gone scouting in the Korcari Wilds. They shouldn't be back until after the Battle." Cailan said and I bobbed my head in agreement.

"I do not wish to see him so soon, as you may think." I said. It was a lie - I so badly wanted to see Fergus, but I needed a reason to bring up what Howe did.

Cailan, just as I thought, raised an eyebrow quizzically. "You don't? Why is this?"

Duncan steps in, just as my tears bite at the corners of my eyes. "Your Majesty, Arl Howe has shown himself a traitor and murdered everyone at Castle Cousland while the bulk of their troops were here, at Ostagar." I bite my fist as he says this, the events replaying in my mind like lightning strikes. With each strike, a different horrible image takes its place. Cailan gasps, taking even a step back to show how surprised he is.

"What?" Cailan breathes. I nod.

"Yes Your Majesty. The bastard killed my family and everyone at the Castle. He indirectly murdered my family and the love of my life." I say this in a monotone, never breaking pace as I stare off into space. Grief had come swiftly to me. No longer did I deny the deaths or bargain for them, but now I accepted the fact that Arl Rendon Howe murdered everyone I loved and wasn't even there to be the monster that he is.

Duncan looks at me with a pained expression, probably at my language. I don't care. "Indeed. We only managed to escape before we were slaughtered. Had things gone as planned, he would have returned to you with whatever story he wanted."

Cailan pales and massages the space between his eyes, breathing heavily. I think he really enjoyed my Father's company. Either that or he's acting like this to make me feel better. I hope it's the first. "This is...inexcusable! Evelyn, I swear to you that once we are done here, justice will come swiftly to the Arl. For now, all I ask is that you vent your grief against the darkspawn."

I nod, shrugging at his attempt at sympathy. "So long as the Arl pays, I'm perfectly fine with turning my anger to the darkspawn." I shrug again and Cailan brigthens.

"Brilliant..." He continues speaking but I fade out, as he is talking to Duncan again. They speak and then Cailan leaves. I'm unfazed by his disappearance, until Duncan starts talking to me again. I drag my feet as he leads me to the bridge. I stare out to the other side of camp. On either sides of the bridge, there is blue sky. Below is a valley with dark spots, obviously where the plants had died at the account of the darkspawn. The sun shines unbearingly blissful from the top of the sky and down onto me. I wish I could squish the sun.

"...Do you hear me?" Duncan asks and snaps his fingers to grab my attention. I blink, jumping and looking over at him. Feebly, I mumble an apology. Duncan sighs and lightly grabs my shoulders, turning me toward him and making me look at him. "My Lady, I'm so sorry for your losses, but all that I ask is that you cast your feelings aside, just for the moment, and return your attention to the matter at hand- your Joining-"

"Joining? What's my Joining?"

"It's a ritual," He goes on to explain the ritual. " That all Grey Warden recruits go through to become a full Grey Warden. I'll give you all the details later, but for now I ask that you find your fellow Grey Warden, named Alistair, and tell him to gather the other recruits so that we may begin. Do you understand?" I know he asks to ask me twice if I'm listening, because I'm usually not. I nod, this time, because I did listen. Hopefully this Alistair bloke isn't a bastard. Like Howe.

"Alright. I get it. I'll find Alan and all that."

"Alistair." Duncan says. I blink.

"What?"

"Alistair. His name is Alistair." Duncan frowns but I shrug and wave him off.

"Whatever. Alistair, Alan, Stairs, whatever his name is I'll find him. Don't you worry." I grin at Duncan and pat him on the head before turning on my heel and letting the grin melt into a frown. I wish it would rain. Rain and thunder and lightning. Those have always been my favorite type of weather. They were always so exciting and revitalizing, but now I only want them so that the crisp attitude of the peaceful Summer day is ruined.

I walk to the other side of the bridge, careful not to fall through, and come across a guard who salutes me as one of the new recruits. I mimic my hands like a person speaking. "Whatever," I hiss at him. "Just...tell me where I can find the Grey Warden Alistair, okay?" The guard looks hurt but wipes it away with a stern guard sort of glare.

"You might find him on the West side of camp. He's probably-"I cut the guy off with a hand up.

"Thanksbye." I say all at once and head off, crossing my arms as I hurry along. This Alistair guy better be worth it.

Eventually, with much difficulty, I track down Alarick. He's on some raised platform with an extremely unhappy mage, who seems as if he's had enough of the blond's attitude. I study the two from the archway, my side leaning against the wall. The two spite for some time and I smirk indefinitely.

"Your glibness does you no credit." The mage huffs, crossing his arms.

Alarick scoffs, smiling. "Well, and here I thought we were getting along so well. I was even going to name one of my children after you...the grumpy one." The mage takes his as a direct insult, like a blade to his heart, and throws up his hands in defeat. Clearly Al here has been torturing this mage for quite some time.

"Enough! I will speak to her if I must. Out of my way, fool." The mage glares at me as he passes and I simply shrug. It wasn't as if I was there the whole time, not bothering to step in at all. I peel off of the wall and stroll to Alarick, who after fussing with his bracer, looks up and sees me. His eyes glimmer in that sort of way that Rory's used to. Oh, Maker. No, please, no tears. Not here. Not in front of some stranger.

The idjit doesn't seem to notice my teary eyes and simply walks to me, a half smile still on his smug face. "You know, one good thing about the Blight is how it brings people together." Can't say he isn't wrong.

"You could say that again." I grumble. Alarick grins.

"You know, one good thing about the Blight is how it brings people together." Oh, ho. This one must be scooped fresh from the pot of 'Priceless One Liners', the bowl of droll, the saucer of comic. I bet he says hello to people with jokes like these all the time.

"Very funny," I say, but can't help but smile a bit. Is this a real smile? Well, looks like Alarick here is doing his job. "But I guess I can agree with that."

Alarick sobers. "Oh, I didn't expect that. They usually call me strange. Or weird," not surprising. "Wait...do I know you? I don't suppose you happen to be another mage?" He asked and I gave a dramatic laugh, loudly. His eyebrow raised.

"Do I look like a mage to you? When I put on my armor this morning, I don't remember strapping a gigantic staff to my back, or setting my socks on fire with a snap of my fingers." I said, crossing my arms like that horrendous mage did. Alarick gives me a puzzled look.

"Well, alright then, Miss Snark. Besides, you never know. Mages like to sneak up on you." Idiot. Complete and utter idiot. But he still makes me smile. Somehow. "No, wait," he puts a finger to his chin, thinking for a moment. I'm left standing there like a complete and utter idiot. Like him. "I do know who you are! You're Duncan's new recruit, from Highever. I should have recognized you immediately, my apologies." I'm surprised he knows me. Or knows for a matter of fact that I was coming. Perhaps Duncan sent a letter in advance?

"That's exactly who I am. And you must be Alarick." I squint my eyes in this smile, knowing for a fact that that isn't his name. It's something like that though. Oh, wow, I guess I really messed up now. Alarick gives me this look, something short of a laugh but right on the verge of confusion.

"Alarick? That's not my name..." He gives a straight face, and I know the guessing game is on. I nod slowly.

"Of course, of course. Your name is...Aedan!"

"No."

"Hans!"

"I'm pretty sure that starts with an H."

"I knew that! Your name definitely is Allie."

"So close, yet so far."

I grit my teeth, wracking my brain for the answer. It was something with an Al. A-L-Y? "Alysdair?"

"Andraste's flaming knickers, you are so close. My name is Alistair." He says and I give a loud noise, throwing up my hands and turning in a circle. I was so close! "Did Duncan tell you about me?" He asks. I redden. Oh, right. Duncan said his name was Alistair. Not Alarick, Alan, Aedan, Hans, Allie or Alysdair. Alistair.

"No, no. He simply told me to find a blond, wise-cracking Warden. Well, lookie, I found you! He told me to tell you that we should get the Joining underway and to find the rest of the recruits." I smile, hoping to the Maker that he won't see through my fib. Alistair analyzes me for a second, but then leans on his back leg and nods.

"So he did talk about me. Nothing bad, I hope. Well, as the junior member of the Order, I'll be helping you and the others to prepare for the Joining. Trust me, it's more fun and much more exciting than it sounds." He says, but the title 'Joining' already sounds like its spotted full of mystery.

I extend a hand, as it is courteous. Not all of Mother's lessons have gone to waste. "A pleasure to meet you Andy-"

"Alistair."

"-Alistair. I'm Evelyn." He shakes my hand, ignoring my falter and simply studying me again. He isn't a drooling lecher, thank the Maker, but he simply looks at my face. His eyes never go past my neck, and I'm quite happy that this type of person will be with me for the rest of the day. Sure, it isn't the depressing cloud I wished for, but this is at least a bit better.

"You know," He starts, rubbing his jaw. "It just occured to me that not many women join the Grey Wardens. I wonder why that is?"

I snort confidently, tilting my chin up a bit. "I can handle myself better than most females."

Alistair gives me another look. "I'm getting that impression." He narrows his eyes at me and I narrow my eyes at him. He relaxes after trying to stare me down. "I'm curious...have you ever actually encountered any darkspawn before?"

I shake my head. Alistair looks over, as if studying the tree like he did with my face a few minutes ago. "When I saw my first one, I wasn't ready for how monsterous they would be. The vile smell...the repulsive features-" He shudders. "-everything about them is simply despicable. Anyhow, whenever you are ready, we can head out." I frown at him. Did he simply bring that up as to scare me for what is coming next? I won't be afraid. I've seen too much horror to be afraid of some monsters. I've seen real monsters. The kind that look you in the eye, sometimes in the mirror and sometimes not. I've seen the monster that acts like a friend of yours, but once you have your back turned and your guards down, they stab you in the back.

I turn on my heel, the bitter tears clouding my vision for a quick moment. I wipe the away, quickly, and utter a small sniffle. I hear Alistair make a noise, like he was concerned, but I'm too fast at hurrying away for him to bring anything up. I don't think I'm ready to let anyone know. Reliving it would be just as horrible as speaking about it, as they are both the same thing. I would hate to have the constant pressure about what happened nailed into my head a million times in a day. The guilt...the grief.

Evelina would tell me to keep my gob shut and stop making her emotional. I smile at the thought as I pass by a brown haired girl who carries herself like my sister did. This one is with a group of guys, laughing as she acts out a scene from a story. I cross my arms over my chest. Evelina. I really miss her. She would make me laugh, just like Ala-Alistair does. Come to think of it, he kind of reminds me of her.

I look over my shoulder once at him. He's looking around as if this is the first time he's gone through this part of the camp. The spaced out look on his eyes and the glitter of hope remind me so much of Evelina. She was sarcastic and liked to joke around, just like Alistair. Maybe I won't be so much of a witch to him. Maybe I'll be nice? For now, and once I become a Warden, he will be the closest thing to a family I can get.