Disclaimer: I still own nothing!!!
Okay this chapter is short, but it gets inside of Bella's head. Please understand if I wrote longer chapters it would mean I would only get to update maybe once every two weeks. (Sorry, but I am currently working on three+ stories right now and it is hard to try to be that creative) So please forgive. I promise that when the inspiration comes the chapters will be longer.
Okay I(we) need your help. My comrade (Twilightmommyof4girls) and I are going to be starting a new story together, but we need your help. We need to know if you could ask any of the Cullens (including Bella, Renesmee and Jacob) any question(s) what would it be. Your help with this task would be greatly appreciated.
Many props go to my beta- Twilightmommyof4girls- you have got to go check out her story-Searching- it is fab-u-lous!!!
I squeezed my eyes shut for just a few moments longer, trying to keep the sunlight that was beaming in my bedroom windows away. I reached over to the bed stand to grab my alarm clock, not wanting to have to sit up at all.
The time displayed was 9:35am.
Crap!
I slammed the clock back on the table, almost breaking the poor thing and shot up to a sitting position in my bed.
Bad choice. My head felt like a sledgehammer was being rammed through it, over and over again. Taking both hands, I started rubbing my temples trying to subdue the throbbing. I glanced over to the spot next to me, Jacob's side of the bed, and saw the most peculiar thing, a red rose laid upon the pillow with a note attached.
I reached over and noticed my bandaged wrist and grabbed the note that was folded in half. I opened it and noticed the familiar handwriting.
Bella,
I'm sorry I was not here when you woke up-
Don't worry about coming into work today,
I know that you will be in pain.
Remember to stay off your ankle and baby your wrist.
Please call me after you wake up- I miss you already.
Love Always,
Edward
Edward, Edward. EDWARD!!!
Holy shit!
Everything from last night started coming back to me…….
Sully's.
James.
Drinking a lot, and then some more.
Flirting with James to make someone jealous, someone who was watching me, someone at the end of the bar….
That someone being Edward.
Edward following me to the bar and following me out of the bar.
Me running away from him down the street and then falling.
Edward coming to my rescue and carrying me back home.
Edward and I kissing.
Edward telling me, "I love you Bella."
I asking Edward to take me to….
He took me to bed, I asked Edward to take me to bed, to…..
Bed.
I gulped loudly after I remembered how I had behaved last night. The extra saliva that had built up in the back of my throat was making me very nauseous. I had a feeling that it had just as much to do with my guilt as my extreme alcohol intake last night.
What have I done?
Whatever happened I knew that I was totally at fault, but how could I of done this to Jacob.
Not being able to hold it anymore I bolted out of bed and made it to the bathroom, just in time for the contents of my stomach to make an appearance, and left me with my head hovered around the ivory seat of my toilet. After finishing my third round, I felt it was safe enough to head back to bed.
Once there, I pulled a pillow over my face contemplating my chances at self strangulation. Figuring it was a lost cause, I held the pillow to my face and screamed and cried out in frustration, aggravation and shame. Tears of anger started to flow freely from my already bloodshot eyes. Mad at my self, I started to throw things : my pillows, some small tokens, the rose and letter from Edward.
I just shook my head, knowing that destroying my room was not the appropriate way to channel all my negative energy. I set about to retrieve the items that I had flung across the room, wincing once I had applied any pressure to my injured ankle. After I had set most of the things back in there proper place, (luckily nothing was broken) I bent over to pick up the rose and letter. Lifting the flower towards my nose, I inhaled the fragrance, closed my eyes and started to think about the man that had given it to me….
Edward.
What was I going to do? He admitted to me last night that he loved me, right before we….. Yeah.
And I certainly am still in love with him. But where does that leave us?
Your engaged to another man for God's sakes.
Jacob.
He deserved so much better than this. Maybe I just had this one indiscretion because he left me here all alone.
Bullshit.
He loves me, he really freaking loves me and I jeopardized everything with him. And I love him, I do just…
Not the same way I love Edward.
Does Edward even want anything with me? Is he playing a game that everyone else is just going along with?
Do I throw away everything that I had with Jacob, just after one night?
God! I hate that my best friend is his sister. And I hate it even more that I am freaking pissed at her, at all of them. I have never felt so alone in all my life. I just wanted to curl up in my bed, and stay there, trying to forget everything that I had done.
Pulling myself out of my thoughts, I decided I should straighten up the living room. I walked over to where Edward had placed my bouquet of roses in a vase and added the one that I had been holding onto. I grasped the other note that was attached to them, pulled it off the string and read it.
Bella,
Please forgive me,
Please don't leave.
Love Always,
Edward
Taking my fingers, I ran them back and forth over his writing, imagining him addressing and scripting both of these notes, that I was now clutching, to me.
I made my way back into my bedroom and placed both notes in my top drawer under my lingerie to ponder later. Deciding that it would be better to get my self cleaned up for the day I went ahead and took a shower.
That was not necessarily one of my best ideas. The whole time I kept remembering Edward's hands all over my body. His mouth, his lips, his kisses that covered every square inch of my skin. The look in his eyes, the want, the desire, the love. The way we fit perfectly together, and I do mean perfectly. I had never felt that wonderful before….Never.
I am so screwed.
Literally.
After I started to dry my hair with the towel, there was a knock at the door. I sighed having a feeling that it might be my visitor from last night, and I was not ready to deal with everything yet.
Please don't be Edward.
To say I got lucky with my wish would be a gross understatement. Standing at the door was the other person I was not ready to deal with at this moment….
Jacob.
He was holding onto his carry on bag over his shoulder, leaning up to the doorframe, holding another arrangement of red roses for me.
Aren't I lucky?
I tried to hide my dismay by offering him the most genuine, but untrue, smile I could assemble. He smiled back, came in through the doorway and had thrown his bag on the floor before he gathered me up and carried me to my bedroom.
God, if you are listening…This. Is. Not. Funny!
He expected what any normal man would probably be expecting, after being away from his fiancé for this long.
Sex.
I felt like I owed him this, he deserved this, if this is what I could offer him to take away some of this guilt, than I would offer myself to him, but…
It just felt so wrong.
"I missed you," he breathed out in between kisses.
"I missed you too."
I honestly, one hundred percent with out a doubt did miss him, that was not a lie.
"Baby," he said, pulling back to glance at my face. "Is everything okay?"
He's joking right?
Would anything ever be okay after last night?
No, not really.
I just smiled and nodded my head, trying to avoid a reason to outright lie to him, if I didn't verbally need to.
Verbally…nice.
"I love you Bella."
Somehow, after last night, those words didn't have the same affect on me as when Edward confessed them.
I closed my eyes, finally admitting to myself that I wished it would have been my visitor from last night. "I love you too."
I am so screwed.
Literally.
Don't I know it. Literally.
Now remember when you review tell me what question to ask the Cullens!!!