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Chapter Ten

It Never Really Goes Away

Any anger that Nathan might have towards Lily melted when he saw her in study hall on Monday morning. Her ever present smile was gone and now replaced with a stoic resilience. Her eyes had lost their twinkle and her glossy curls seemed to have lost their bounce. This is what he had done to her. It sickened him inside. Meanwhile Sally was annoying him to no end. He had to end things with her soon. It wasn't fair to dating her when he was in love with someone else…even if that someone hated him.

Looking back he still couldn't believe he hadn't caught on to his own feelings. Of course he was in love with Lily Cristina Shepherd. He loved the twinkle in her eyes and the softness of her hair, he loved the sweet scent of her skin and the way he felt both strong and humble when he held her in an embrace. He was an idiot for not seeing how much he loved her. How much he had always loved her.

The obvious sign had been when he saw Lily and Wesley kissing. He had never felt so jealous in his life! He couldn't stand someone else touching her, or kissing her, or even one day making love to her. He wanted to be the one to do all those things and now he had screwed it up forever. He made his way over to Lily. He had to at least apologize.

"Turn around and don't look back." Gwen advised blocking Nathans path to Lily. It was almost humorous seeing Gwen strike a typical Bailey pose in front of the over 6 foot tall senior.

"I need to talk to her." Nathan pleaded. He looked over Gwen to meet Lily's eyes. "Please." She gave a weak nod and Gwen flashed Nathan a death glare before moving. Nathan took a seat next to Lily who didn't acknowledge his presences. It was hard being so close to him. She smelt the familiar warm scent.

"I'm so sorry Lily." He said in his beautiful voice. Was it possible to love someone too much? "I need you to know that I would never intentionally hurt you. I hate seeing you like this. Please forgive me Little Lil." She looked up at his face and studied him carefully. He truly did look sorry, but for the first time in her life she couldn't forgive her friend because if she did it would be for him and she needed to forgive him for her which was something she wasn't ready to do.

"I can't." She told him. "I need you to just stay away from me."

888

"Hey mom I got your message what do you need me to do?" Lily asked walking to her car with her cell phone in hand. Jack walked ahead of her with long strides as opposed to her short fast steps. "Okay I can do that. I'll see you soon….I love you too mom."

"What was that about?" Jack asked hoping into the passenger side of the car. Lily entered the driver's side and strapped on her seat belt. She looked over at her brother. It was weird seeing him in the passenger seat. That was where Nathan sat when his car broke down, which was often.

"Aunt Lexis's car isn't working and Justin is supposedly busy and since mom and dad don't get off till late mom asked me if I could drive Aunt Lexi home."

"Could you take me home first," Jack asked, "I have a paper due tomorrow and I kind of put it off till last minute." Jack said sheepishly.

"Jack!" Lily admonished.

"I know, I know." Jack said. "I won't do it anymore I promise."

"Yeah like I believe that," Lily griped, "I'll take you home twerp."

"Thanks Lily you're my favorite sister."

"I'm your only sister."

888

After Lily had lectured Jack about the importance of education and dropped him off at the house she made her way to the hospital. Lexi was standing in front of the ambulance entryway waiting patiently. She didn't see her niece until Lily pulled the car in front of her. She entered the car quickly.

"Hey Lily," She greeted, "Thanks for picking me up."

"It's not a problem." Lily assured. After a few moments of silence, Lexi spoke up.

"I heard about Nathan." She said tentatively. "I've been there… with a Sloan I mean. If you need to talk I'm always here to listen." Lily's face fell into a frown.

"Did you ever love Uncle Justin as much as you loved Mark?" Lily asked finally.

"I thought I did. I think I convinced myself just to hurt Mark at times. Jokes on me right? Now I'm getting divorced and my son doesn't know his father."

"I'm sorry," Lily said, "I didn't know you were getting a divorce."

"I got the papers yesterday." Lexi told her. "It's been coming for a while. I guess now I finally have to face it. I just want to keep James out of it as much as possible."

"How is my little cousin?"

"He's fine. He misses you."

"I should visit him soon." Lily said. The two remained silent again until Lily pulled up to Lexis's house.

"Thanks again for the ride." Lexi said stepping out of the car.

"Does the pain lessen?" Lily asked meeting her Aunts eyes.

"You learn to deal." Lexi assured, "but the love really never goes away."

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By the time Lily got home after meeting with Gwen to go over school work it was late. Even her parents had beaten her home. She made her way into the house ready for sleep. She couldn't believe it was only Monday! The weekend ended too soon. That tends to happen when you refuse to leave your room.

"Hey Lily how was the study party?" Her father asked.

"It was fine. I think I'll do well on the math test tomorrow."

"Good." Derek answered. He was putting together a sandwich while Meredith was making eggs. Jack was already scarping his breakfast dinner of eggs and bacon."Do you want me to make you anything?"

"No thank I had dinner with the Bailey's."

"Alright." Derek said eying her skeptically. He had been very protective of his daughter as of late. He had gathered most of what had happened from Meredith and the rest from Mark who was also disappointed in his son for making his mistakes.

"Sweetie, do you want to watch a movie with us?" Meredith asked her daughter. "Jack picked out Lords of Dogtown."

"I love Heath Ledger." Jack commented.

"I saw that last week so I think I'll pass." Lily said. Before Derek could try and persuade his daughter with another activity to keep her out of her room and from thinking about Nathan the phone rang. He picked it up on the second ring.

"Hello….yeah that would be great…..okay the kids are going to love having you here….I'll tell Meredith you send her your love….I love you too…..okay I'll see you this weekend…..yes if I can't meet you at the airport I'll have one of the kids be there….alright bye." Everyone waited patiently for Derek to reveal who he had just spoken with. "Looks like we will be having a visitor this weekend."

A/n- Hum...I wonder who could be visiting....Reveiws inspire me!