Ellie's Author Note: Ellie is not here right now, as she is too busy flailing over the SuperBowl episode of Glee and the release of the 'Silly Love Songs' soundtrack. She's extremely happy with all your reviews, as always and reminds you that Julie is epic, and thanks you for reading and being amazing readers. Please leave your message after the beep *Beep*
Julie's Author Note: No, it's not a miracle. Two chapters back to back. This chapter is all Ellie, so let's all give her a big round of applause. She's the sweetest and best co-writer I could ever ask for. Also, thank you so much for your kind reviews. They made me cry with relief and joy, because I was so afraid of your reactions to my first time writing angst.
and I owe it all to you: nine
After he successfully managed to calm down,Jesse laid next to Rachel's bundled up form as she slept, her breath shallow as she inhaled and exhaled slowly. She was lying on her back, which was very unlike her; she'd always slept on her side when Jesse and she had been dating, wouldn't be comfortable any other way she claimed. Jesse, after much pondering on the abnormality of her current sleeping arrangement, had concluded this was the most comfortable position for her to sleep in nowadays: her wounds would rub together and only cause her pain and discomfort if she slept on her side. He wondered whether she had been sleeping in her usual position, causing the obvious signs that highlighted sleeping problems and the lack of energy that came with it and it had changed today, because he was there, watching her.
He watched her closely, protectively from a couple of inches from her body, lying on his side on top of the duvet that blanketed Rachel. He propped his head up by resting his elbow against her pillows, the other hand resting lightly on top of Rachel's, that stuck out of her blanket cocoon.
She'd been sleeping for the best part of half an hour now, exhausted from the day's events and from the obvious shock of his presence. She hadn't wanted to sleep because of that, but he had insisted, and she hadn't put that much of a fight, meaning she really was exhausted. She stirred slightly in her slumber as Jesse watched over her, like her personal guardian angel. Maybe that's what I am, Jesse smiled, bemused at the thought. Her guardian angel.
He let his finger brush over her hollow cheeks, reassuring himself that she was there. Rachel whimpered in her sleep, a cross between a purr and whine really. Jesse believed it to be the most adorable noise he'd ever clapped ears upon, smiling as he let his fingertips ghost her jaw line as she shifted under the covers, which moved against her clothes in a scuffing sound.
Her eyes fluttered open and she was staring back at him within a second. "It's kind of creepy you know, watching people sleep". She muttered, her voice thick with sleep. Jesse smirked and pushed himself up into a sitting position.
"Call it whatever you want, I just wanted to make sure you were okay". He told her as she pushed back the covers and sat up, swinging her legs slowly over the edge of the bed. Rachel stood feebly, like Bambi taking his first steps and began to stretch her arms towards the ceiling, whining satisfactorily at the sensation that ran down her spine a second later as her muscles unwound from their slumber. Jesse watched, instantly disheartened by the sight of the harsh, red lines along her inner wrist, wounds that had appeared when the sleeves of Rachel's shirt fell down slightly as she extended her arms towards the ceiling.
She clocked onto immediately to his obvious expression of pain at the evidence of her mental instability of previous months, tugging down at the sleeves once they fell back to her side, covering the scars from Jesse, as if they were still a secret, as if he hadn't examined her entire abused and wounded body a little more than an hour ago with more gentle and loving care that she'd ever received in the months he'd been missing from her life, more than she'd received from Finn or her fathers.
"Did you sleep well?" Jesse inquired curiously, in a desperate attempt to create a less tense atmosphere.
"You tell me". Rachel quipped in response. A hint of a smile played at both Jesse and Rachel's lips as she pulled a hairbrush through her already smooth locks. After a moment of silence, she spoke again. "You never did explain why you were here". She queried nonchalantly, seeming uncaring about why Jesse St James was in Lima – scratch that, lying on her bed after watching her sleep for half an hour. She turned to face the boy in question, who was leaning back against her headboard, his eyes boring into hers, the blue in them filled with concern. He shrugged a shoulder.
"We get the Christmas break off". He replied.
"No", she growled, shaking her head, her silky hair moving gently against her cheeks. "I meant, here, in my house, near me in general". She moved closer to the bed, and Jesse's lips opened soundlessly in an 'O', before elaborating on his brief answer.
"I saw you at Sectionals", he admitted quite reluctantly. Rachel's eyebrow arched at this admission, as an instant reaction to his words. A second later, his words sunk in.
He'd been there, watch her share her spotlight with those significantly less talented members of New Directions, whilst her broken heart throbbed painfully in her chest, cracking a little more every beat that passed in that god awful pop singer, sung by a crack whore (Rachel had found this an interesting and horridly ironic song choice for the Latina who'd taken lead, days after admitting her hand in Finn's virginity).
The blood drained from Rachel's face and he could see her walls rapidly building themselves back up. Jesse stood slowly and moved around her bed to approach her still form. He stroked her cheek reassuringly, as if he knew what it felt like to watch someone lesser than you receive a standing ovation that you deserved. Rachel fought the urge to snort in amusement at the very thought of Jesse St James sharing his spotlight. That never happened to him, she thought.
Are you sure? A tiny voice echoed inside her mind. What about 'Run Joey Run' then? She bit her lower lip and shoved the voice aside, choosing to focus on the matter at hand.
"It still doesn't explain why you're here". Her hollow voice interjected.
"I knew something was wrong when I saw you, I just couldn't…" He trailed off, shame coloring his voice. "So I asked Puck to keep an eye on you". He continued. Rachel's eyebrow cocked at this, Noah had been keeping an eye on her? She flicked through her most recent memories of her family friend and, surprisingly, what Jesse was saying seemed to fit in with the images that danced through her head.
"Santana was there when I called him, so she agreed to help too". He added.
"Santana?" She choked on the word as it slipped from her lips, as if it were poison in her mouth. She thought of the girl who singlehandedly had destroyed her relationship with Finn, the bitch who had teased her mercilessly for years now, the slut who had slept her way through most of McKinley and probably adding some of the Warblers to the notches of her bed post as they spoke. But she also thought of the girl who had argued Mr. Schuester's judgment on his chosen soloist for a song that Rachel had been born to sing, who had screamed at New Directions as Rachel had fled from rehearsal that day and suddenly her eyes were open to another side of the Latina.
"Did they ever figure it out?" She asked suddenly, desperate to keep her shameful secret under wraps. She couldn't start to imagine what Mercedes and Quinn would do to her if they knew. The mere thought of the barbs they could shoot at her because of her weakness made her shiver in panic.
"Yes. They told me, but I didn't want to believe them". Jesse admitted, taking her hand in his as the other cupped her jaw. "I didn't want to believe that you were so hurt that you had to run to that. I couldn't imagine it. I don't ever want to see you hurt, Rach". He whispered. Rachel's eyes watered at his confession, sniffling before asking her next question in her half-heartedly interrogation.
"Why were you at Sectionals?" She muttered.
"Apart from honoring the anniversary of the first day I laid eyes on you? Coach Goolsby wanted me to check you guys out as a favor". He explained softly. "Plus he'd made an offer I had yet to act upon".
"What offer?" She inquired curiously.
"He offered me the position of an Assistant coach for Vocal Adrenaline", Jesse told her.
"And did you take it?" Rachel asked, hoping he had said no; she didn't know why the thought of Jesse helping her competition once more made her blood run cold.
"I did. I transferred to OSU and took the position". Jesse explained. Rachel nodded curtly, her heart free falling into her stomach in disappointment.
"Oh. Well, I'm happy for you". She lied smoothly, moving to perch on the side of her bed. Jesse followed her there and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. In an automatic response, like a reflex in her soul, her head rested against his shoulder as his fingers stroked her hair soothingly.
"I did it to be closer to you", he whispered softly after a couple minutes of silence. Rachel pulled away to stare at Jesse, shocked with this admission. Why would anyone throw away a free ride to a top University to be near a girl they weren't sure wanted to see them?
"Coach Goolsby wanted me to also to extend an offer to you", Jesse continued, more careful now as he said the (second) thing he wanted the most to happen. Rachel's brow furrowed at this, confused with what the new coach would want with her. She thought of her experience with the old coach (aka her mother)and shivered delicately at the haunting memories that plagued her to this day.
"An offer?" She asked, openly curious now.
"He wants to offer to you the position of lead in Vocal Adrenaline". Jesse stated bluntly. Rachel's mouth fell open at this.
"Lead?" She repeated, shocked, and Jesse nodded. "What about Sunshine?" The brunette asked softly.
Jesse snorted. "The Filipina? Please, Rach. Goolsby wants the best there is to Vocal Adrenaline. And sure she has the pipes, but yours are better. Plus, she doesn't have the looks – no way she's prettier than you are – and she doesn't have the star quality the Vocal Adrenaline needs".
She seemed to ponder his words and then nodded slowly. "Okay… But why would he want me?" She asked quietly.
"Why wouldn't he? You're the best there is in show choir world right now and he knows it", Jesse said honestly. Rachel smiled. "Rachel, you're miserable at McKinley, I can see it – I saw it. It broke my heart to see how they're treating you on that stage. I want you to have the best opportunities, for you to let yourself shine like you're meant to, to be the star that you are and be respected like you should be. McKinley isn't giving you that; it never gave and never will. However, I can assure you you'll get that and much more at Carmel and in Vocal Adrenaline". He explained softly, his words full of love.
Rachel had to admit he painted an interesting picture, one that she'd been hoping against hope that would happen since her freshman year, one that had always been out of her reach due to McKinley's brutal hierarchy and the social pyramid that seemed to govern their lives.
"I couldn't do it". She whispered.
"What?" Jesse asked, disbelieving of Rachel's words.
"Look at me, Jesse. Do I seem like someone who could rule a powerhouse like Vocal Adrenaline?" The question was rhetorical and stung Jesse. Rachel shrugged.
"Rachel, you can rule Vocal Adrenaline", he told her. "McKinley and New Directions have made you think you can't be all you can be though. But I believe you can do it and, deep down, so do you. You need to believe in yourself again, Rach". He begged the brunette softly.
Rachel kept her eyes low as she worked through the news in her head. Why would someone pick her to be the lead of the group that had annihilated her club the year before? Surely she was just a loser to them and their new coach, not to mention her ties and the bad blood between her, that group and their former coach. The hairs on Rachel's arms stood on ends thinking of those memories, the ones that had shattered her heart into tiny pieces for them to be temporarily glued back together by Finn, to be broken once more a couple months later, leaving her to self destruct and find pleasure in pain.
She had to find out what made her so special to this coach, she needed to have reassurance that she was good enough for Vocal Adrenaline, that this wasn't another elaborated scheme to devastate her. She turned to Jesse, who had been waiting for her reply patiently.
"Jesse, can you take me to see this coach?"
The former male lead grinned. It was a small step, but it was a step. If she wanted to hear Goolsby, then surely she would see the truth in his words. Thank God.