Long Way Around

Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles do not belong to me. No infringement intended and no profit will be made from their use.

Maura slept for most of their drive back to Boston, leaving Jane alone with her thoughts. The closer they got to Boston, the more tense and anxious Jane became. She still didn't know the full repercussions of failing to show up to the press conference about Doyle's death. If Cavanaugh wanted to dig he could find out that both her and Maura had had interactions with Doyle that went unreported. He could probably take away her badge. Cavanaugh didn't have authority over Maura but he could make trouble for her in a very high profile way.

Maura had held up well the past twenty-four hours, Jane thought. Probably too well. Jane was afraid Maura was not really dealing with her emotions. Jane couldn't help wondering if what had happened last night, and this morning, was Maura trying to avoid dealing with the deaths of Doyle and her mother. Like maybe she was trying to push those thoughts and emotions away and occupy her mind with other stuff.

Just thinking about kissing Maura made Jane feel warm all over. But then remembering their bodies pressed together, the feeling of being inside Maura, Jane had never let herself believe it would ever happen. Then it did and if it turned out it wasn't real for Maura, Jane didn't know how to handle that. She just kept telling herself that regardless of everything else going on in her life, Maura did say she wanted her and Maura couldn't lie.

By the time they arrived at Maura's house it was after 10pm. The lights were off in the guest house. Maura looked in on Constance and she was asleep too. Frankie was no longer staying there as they had all decided that if there was going to be any trouble it would have happened already.

Jane brought the boxes of Hope's things in from the car and deposited them in the room on the second floor Maura used as sort of an office and library. After bringing up the last box, Jane sat down at the desk and started to make a phone call. When Jane didn't come out of the room, Maura went to check on her. Seeing her on the phone, Maura said, "What are you doing?"

"Calling a cab to take me home. I'm on hold."

Maura was confused. "You aren't staying?"

Jane ended the call. "Maura, a lot has happened this week. You've had to deal with a lot of stuff and I-" Jane started before Maura cut in.

"Don't patronize me, Jane. I'm well aware of everything that's happened this week and of your part in it. Because of all of that I need you right now. I thought is was pretty clear that despite of everything I still want to be with you."

"I don't want to mess this up. I don't want whatever is happening between us to be overwhelming or move too fast or impede on you being able to, I don't know, deal with all this other stuff going on."

"I would really appreciate it if you stayed here tonight, just to be here with me."

"I very much want to stay but I am concerned about how much has happened and then adding our new, uh, stuff, on top of that."

"You think things have changed because we had sex," Maura stated flatly.

Jane was nonplussed. "Yes, of course, that changes things. If you don't think it does...I don't-"

Maura took hold of Jane's hands. "Jane, relax, please. That's not what I meant. What I should have said is that we're still us. We've added something new, but we're still us, right?"

"Yeah, okay, let's just go to bed. I'm too tired to try to figure out what we're talking about anymore tonight."

They fell asleep with Maura on her back and Jane curled next to her, one arm draped across Maura's stomach. Jane woke up in the middle of the night in an empty bed. She looked at the clock and saw it was a little after 3am. She waited, thinking Maura had gotten up for a drink or something, but when after a few minutes Maura didn't return, Jane got up and went in search of her.

The light was on in the office down the hall and Jane went to check it out. Maura was sitting on the floor surrounded by papers. And she was sobbing. Her whole body was shaking from crying. Jane immediately went to sit down in front of Maura and, unsure of what to say, simply pulled Maura onto her lap and into a tight hug.

Jane initially assumed Maura was looking through Hope's stuff, but as she glanced around at the papers on the floor she realized they were from the folder from Dean about Doyle. "Oh, sweetie," Jane whispered.

They stayed in that position on the floor for awhile, with Maura continuing to sob into Jane's neck. Once Maura regained some composure she said into Jane's neck, "I couldn't sleep. I thought I would come look at some of Hope's things, but I saw the folder from Dean and I had to look. I had to know what was in there."

"It's okay, honey."

"How can this monster be my father?"

"He's not your father, he's just the sperm donor. It's just chromosomes, or something, I don't actually know, but he has nothing to do with who you are. You are nothing like him."

That sent Maura into a new round of crying. "He kept trying to convince me he wasn't a bad guy. I wanted that to be true so badly that I believed his justifications for the bad things he did. I believed his lies."

"He obviously cared very much for you and he wanted you to think well of him. He was very charismatic. He got to the position he was in because he knew exactly how to tell people what they wanted to hear. We definitely know you didn't inherit that ability from him."

That earned a choked laugh from Maura that came out sounding like a hiccup.

"Can we go back to bed now?" Jane asked.

A few hours later Jane woke up again. She could hear activity downstairs. Maura was fast asleep and stayed that way as Jane got up and went downstairs.

Jane found Constance moving around the kitchen in her wheelchair. "Would you like some help?" Jane asked.

"Jane, you startled me. Thank you, I could use some help making coffee. I can't quite reach everything in this chair. Your mother has been doing so much to help me, but I thought I could at least try to make a cup of coffee. Did you spend the night here?"

Jane started moving around the kitchen and said, "Oh, uh, yeah I did. We, um, got back late last night and Maura asked me to stay."

Constance grinned at Jane's discomfort. "So you two have made up then?"

"You could say that, I guess. Maybe you should ask Maura." Desperately trying to change the subject, Jane said, "So did Maura tell you what we found out about Hope?"

"She told me what she knew two nights ago. Is there anything new?"

"Not really. We were able to get some personal things of her's from her job and house. Maura hasn't really been able to look at them yet though."

"How is Maura handling everything?"

Jane wasn't really sure how to answer that. "It's hard to tell." Jane's phone, which was in a pocket of her jacket which was hanging by the front door started to ring. Jane apologized to Constance and went to answer it. It was Lieutenant Cavanaugh asking her to come in to meet with him as soon as possible.

Jane wanted to let Maura sleep without disturbing her, so she borrowed Maura's car and before going to headquarters, drove to her apartment to shower, put on some clean clothes, and pack a bag with more clothes for whatever the next few days brought.

When Jane entered Cavanaugh's office she found Agent Dean there too. "Oh, come on, what's he doing here?" She asked Cavanaugh.

"This is a joint BPD-FBI investigation," Cavanaugh replied.

"Investigation? What investigation," Jane asked.

"Did you ever wonder, Jane," Dean said, "why Patrick Doyle stayed out of prison when most of the rest of Bulger's crew was arrested?"

"Well, yeah, kind of," Jane said honestly.

Dean continued, "Someone, or probably multiple people in both the FBI and BPD, were protecting him and we're trying to figure out who those people are."

Jane looked back and forth between Dean and Cavanaugh waiting for one of them to explain what that had to do with her. "No. You can't possibly be suggesting it was me. I was at the academy when Bulger was arrested, for christ's sake."

"Which is a great time to be recruited by organized crime," Dean answered.

"Give me a break."

"Well," Cavanaugh interjected, "we have to investigate every piece of evidence we find. A few months ago Doyle called you on your BPD issued cell phone while he was a suspect in one of your cases."

"He called to tell me to take care of Maura. This is bullshit and you both know it," Jane said angrily. Turning to Dean she said, "Why are you doing this?"

"Don't take things so personally, Rizzoli. I'm just doing my job."

"Is it your job to be a giant fucking asshole? Don't you have better things to do on Saturday morning than play games with me?"

Dean just smirked. "I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Dr. Isles. If there is anything you know that you are not disclosing, it's better for you to let us know now than to have us find out on our own. We're trying to clean house here in Boston."

Jane stepped closer to Dean and said quietly, although she was sure Cavanaugh could hear her, "What happened to you? I don't even recognize you anymore. But I promise that if you ever bother Maura again I'm going to shoot you in your other leg." She turned to Cavanaugh and said, "Lieutenant, is there anything else?"

"You're free to go Rizzoli."

Jane hesitated. She felt like she wanted to say more but she wasn't sure what it was. She loved her job, more than almost anything, and all the sacrifices she had ever made for it were worth it. She'd done difficult and occasionally questionable things in the name of justice, and Jane always thought what she did was justifiable. But right now, all this stuff with Doyle and the FBI's involvement didn't sit right with her. Something about it felt wrong and it made her feel dirty and used. But she couldn't put her finger on what exactly was wrong.

"Was there something else Detective?" Cavanaugh said when Jane didn't immediately leave.

"Uh, no sir," Jane said and walked out.