Disclaimer: Thy dearest writer doth not proclaim ownage on yet a thing to do with th' book of setting suns.

(BPOV)

I awoke to Emmett banging on the wall downstairs, yelling at everyone to 'get their lazy bums up and open presents'. I groaned and tried to stretch, I felt very stiff and, as I attempted to stretch, I realized why. I had slept sitting up against the wall for God knows how long. As I looked around, I noticed I wasn't alone, and instantly remembered what all happened last night. I looked at the clock hurriedly, 9:33. I had slept for eight hours.

I hadn't slept that long in years.

I wondered what the key was, what I did different and came up with my answer immediately. Edward. I found it highly unlikely, considering my strong weariness of the opposite sex, but I honestly couldn't think of anything else. I felt a big smile break out on across my face, only to have it quickly vanish.

It's the ultimate torture, I know what can help me finally get a full night of sleep, but it's such an impossible request to ask of someone, it would never work. I mean, the only reason Edward stayed with me last night was because he saw I needed someone there for me. He wouldn't possibly want to do that every night, hell, even once a week. I wanted to smack myself for even thinking about asking him for such a thing.

As I focused back on reality, I noticed a pair of bright green eyes starting at me questioningly.

"Bella, what's taking…" Emmett stopped and looked between Edward and I before quirking an eyebrow and smirking. "Well, well, well, what's going on in here?" He asked, stifling laughter.

"Oh, shut up Emmett, we fell asleep talking." Edward rolled his eyes.

"Whatever you say. Come on, let's go open some presents." He called walking down the stairs towards Alice's room.

Edward stood up and held his hand out to me. I feigned a smile and took his hand, I was trying not to think about my new revelation.

---

The morning had passed rather quickly, most of it filled with laughter, torn pieces of wrapping paper, and playful banter between sibling. Though most of the gifts that Emmett gave were gag gifts, everybody got some pretty decent presents.

After the gift giving was over and done with, everybody went their separate ways. All the guys in the house went outside to set up Emmett's new punching bag in the garage, Rosalie and Alice headed up to Alice's bathroom to mess around with their newly acquired beauty supplies, and Esme went to the kitchen to prepare the Christmas dinner. I had went up to my room to put the un-necessary presents I had received away. I honestly didn't feel like being alone, so I decided I would see if Esme needed help in the kitchen. I walked slowly into the kitchen, wringing my hands in nervousness. I cleared my throat.

"Um, Esme? I was wondering if you'd like some help?" I asked in a timid voice, because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't not be nervous around these people.

She smiled at me warmly. "Of course, you can start on the potatoes?" she pointed at the bag of potatoes sitting on the counter. I smiled at her and started peeling the potatoes, a comfortable silence fell between us.

I had just put the sliced potatoes into the boiling water when Emmett came barging into the kitchen. "It's up, it's up. Come check out it's amazingness." He said, reaching out to grab my hand, before thinking better of it and using it to wave me towards the garage. I looked at Esme.

"Go on ahead, I can finish up in here." She smiled before turning back to the green bean casserole. I shrugged and followed a jumping Emmett back out to the garage, passing Carlisle who was headed back to his wife. Once we were in the garage Emmett ran over to his new prized possession that was hanging in the middle of one of the un-used parking spaces in the Cullen's overly large basement.

"Isn't it amazing?" He asked me, putting so much emphasis on 'amazing' that it sounded like he whisper screamed the word. I smiled, his happiness being contagious, and nodded. "You want to take a whack at it?" He challenged.

My eyes widened. "Oh, uh, no, it's okay."

"Oh come on Bella, just a little punch. Please?" He asked, his face dropping into a pout, which I almost laughed at. I mean, how convincing did a pout look on a grown man with biceps the size of a tree trunk?

"Fine." I sighed in exasperation, because apparently this family had pouting in their genes, walking up to the punching bag. Emmett stood behind it to hold it in place, as if he would really need to. Now, I didn't exactly know how to punch, so I just made a fist, pulled my arm back, and threw it full force at the over-stuffed pillow.

Emmett didn't even have to tense a muscle. This made him laugh.

I punched it again, trying to make him move at least a little, And then again. And again. And again. And then something happened. Something clicked and I kept punching it, over and over again, I couldn't stop. I wanted something out of it, I just didn't know what. I started punching harder and harder, getting angry because it just wasn't happening.

Then I realized what I wanted. I wanted it to scream, to cry. Like a human would if it was being punched. Like I did with James, like I did with Matt, like I did with every other family I had been with before the Cullen's. My hands stopped, realizing what had just happened. I backed away from it slowly, looking on in horror at the punching bag.

I had turned into a monster.

Even if it was with an inanimate object, I had still experienced that feeling. The same feeling my previous 'family's' had experienced when throwing me around like a rag doll. The same feeling that made me absolutely terrified of every human I fucking meet. I started shaking my head before I ran away, passing a confused Edward, I ran up to my room to wallow in my self-disgust.

I shut my door behind me and slid down against it, only to get back up so I could sprint to the bathroom after thinking about what had just happened so I could empty my stomach contents into the toilet.

After I was done, I washed my face and rinsed out my mouth before looking at myself in the mirror. I had heard the stories of kids who are abused, end up abusing their kids, and so on. I didn't want to become that, and though I didn't actually hit anybody, I had felt the surge of excitement that causes it. And it felt good. I think that is the worst part of it, I liked how it felt to not be the one getting hit, but the one dishing it out. I loved finally having the upper hand.

Having this thought made me finally realize why James always seemed so giddy after giving me a beating, why Matt always found something I didn't do perfect so he could throw me around, why Nathan, Mr. Anderson, was all smiles after I'd scream. Because it got your adrenaline pumping and endorphin's rushing. But, damn it, that didn't make it okay.

And I knew that, for now. But who's to say that somewhere down the road I don't just throw all of that out the window and decide that since I suffered, so should my kid. And I didn't want that to happen, and I was having a strange feeling that I needed to talk to somebody about this, a professional. Maybe a doctor. Like Carlisle.

I threw the thought away as soon as it came to me. This family was treating me as their own, though I didn't really deserve it, and it felt nice to feel like someone cared for me, if I were to tell them about this…I couldn't help but think they would send me away. I mean, who want's to raise a possible psycho?

I sat in my bathroom for a while and thought about what I should do, I definitely had a feeling I needed to tell somebody, but no one in this family.

Jacob.

The thought hit me, and suddenly I was reaching for my phone. I clicked a random button to wake it up, and was about to dial his number in when I noticed I had been up here for an hour and a half. Like I said before, this was a nice family, and I didn't want to ruin their Christmas by being a Debbie Downer and staying in my room all day, so I decided I would call Jake later, or maybe tomorrow. When I had lived in Seattle, Jake had usually been the one I brought my fears to, not all of them, of course, but at least some, simply because he knew exactly what living life as a foster kid was like.

I cleaned myself up before returning downstairs to try and seem like everything was normal, when honestly, I was so far from it, it was almost laughable.

Almost.

AN: "Oh my god, she finally updated, it's a short-ass chapter though" I know, I know, it is very short, but this took me three fucking days to write. I'm slowly but surely getting used to writing again, I swear it will not take me this long to update again. Anyways, I know that some of you will be like, "Dude, WTF, who cares that she went to town on a punching bag?" It's not that she hit something, it's what she felt when she hit it, and how she wanted a negative reaction from it. She knew that that was exactly how the people who wrecked her felt when they were destroying her. That's why she hates herself, at the moment. Jacob will be making an appearance in the next chapter, even if it just a little appearance. Oh, by the way, for those of you who refused to read my new story because they were pissed at me for not updating this one, will you go check it out now? Because, I only have, like, 70 hits on the story. Well, please review and tell me you hate me for making you guys wait so long for this. I love them more than I love not updating for months at a time.
(^Sarcasm, don't hate, yeah?)