A/N This one's for Sarah, thank you so much for your lovely reviews, they're much appreciated (I tried to reply on Fanfic but it wouldn't let me). It's awesome to know you're enjoying my story, here's some more Nicholas angst for your pleasure :)

Chapter 10

Groundhog Day. Deja vu. Nicholas was trapped in the same nightmare that he endured the first time Danny was in hospital. He had brought Danny to Buford Abbey General on Friday evening and it was now mid morning of the following day. When Danny had eventually gone in for surgery, he was in there for five hours. It was discovered that he had most probably fallen somehow, which had damaged the healing tissue of the catastrophic bullet wound he had sustained when he jumped in front of Tom Weaver's gun to save Nicholas. He had been bleeding internally and, once the pressure in his abdominal cavity had built up, externally as well. He had also hit his head in the fall and been unconscious for an indeterminate amount of time. The doctors had plenty to keep them busy putting Danny back together again, but when they emerged, Nicholas was told the operations had all been a success. When Danny was returned to his room the next morning, he was still unconscious and Nicholas was not allowed to go in to see him. Dr. Flynn assured Nicholas that Danny was not in a coma, but that he was still heavily sedated after the operations and would wake up 'in due course'. Still Nicholas could do nothing. Couldn't get near Danny, couldn't hold his hand, couldn't even talk to him to let him know he wasn't alone.

When Danny had gone into theatre, Doris and the Andys had offered to stay with Nicholas, or take it in shifts overnight to wait for news so he could get some rest. He predictably refused to leave the hospital and they had reluctantly gone home themselves when he insisted he wanted to be alone. And so here he was by himself. Being alone was no easier though. Nicholas felt utterly useless. He was accustomed to being so sure of himself, knowing exactly what to do in the most difficult of situations and, above all, he relished being in control. In this situation, however, he felt wholly incompetent, a feeling which frustrated him to the point of rage. He jealously watched as nurses and doctors went in and out of Danny's room, adjusting things, talking to each other and writing notes on his chart. Nicholas physically ached to be near Danny. He was stunned by how much he felt he needed to touch him, to look at him and see him looking back. He wanted to see him smile, hear him talk about Point Break and listen to him recounting their gunfight with the NWA, vastly exaggerated and with greater enthusiasm each time, to anyone who would listen. The full force of his physical feelings for Danny were terrifying him too. He didn't understand how he could feel like this. Danny was a man. Nicholas was straight. And he knew what he felt was much more than the platonic love of a friend. Worst of all, was the abject terror that Danny might not recover from this, despite the doctors' reassurances. This concept was literally too horrendous for Nicholas to fully contemplate. But it stubbornly flitted around at the edges of his consciousness, refusing to allow him rest, let alone sleep. He couldn't eat, or even drink. He was in a constant state of nausea, which had even forced him to run to the hospital toilets to vomit at one point. These visceral emotions had spent the entire night churning and colliding violently inside Nicholas' head. He had kept it all trapped inside, expressing himself to no one, and the result was a Nicholas who was angry, scared and very difficult to deal with.

"Hello, Nick." Andy Cartwright greeted him cheerfully as he came down the corridor that morning. He was carrying a coffee in each hand. Nicholas regarded him with what could politely be termed disinterest.

"Got you a coffee, seein' as you been 'ere all night, fort you might need it."

"I don't want it."

"Come on Nicholas. I bet you haven't had anythin' all night."

"Are the others here?"

"It's just me. We knew you was gonna be in a foul mood so we drew straws. I lost." Nicholas didn't react. "That were a joke, Nick." Still no response. "The others are coming later, one at a time like, so we can still man the station."

"That's really not necessary." Nicholas snapped.

"What, manning the station?" Andy quipped. "Blimey, I'll let 'em all know they can 'ave the day off then, shall I?"

"Why are you making jokes? This isn't fucking funny!" Andy's jovial facade dropped off his face.

"Sorry, Nick. I..."

"None of you need to come here! Just leave me alone, I'm perfectly all right!"

"Look, Nick..."

"Don't call me that!"

"What?"

"That! Nick! My name's Nicholas!"

"Sorry! All right? Jesus Christ!"

"Fuck off, Andy!"

Andy opened his mouth to reply in kind, then stopped himself. Nicholas' aggressive expression couldn't hide the fear in his eyes. Andy suddenly realised how petrified he was that Danny wasn't going to recover. He took a breath and left a few seconds silence to allow the testosterone between them to dissipate.

"Ok, Nicholas." He soothed. "I'm sorry. I came 'ere to check you're all right. And before you say anythin', I know you're not all right. I know you won't be all right until Danny walks out of 'ere good as new. But until then... I'm 'ere, ok? Just didn't want you thinking you were alone, is all."

Nicholas stayed silent but the anger was fading. "Now, stop bein' a twat, sit down and 'ave some coffee." Nicholas sighed, glanced behind him to check the location of his chair and sat down. Andy sat beside him and offered the coffee again, which Nicholas took.

"Talk to me."

Nicholas squeezed his eyes tight shut and rubbed across his eyelids with the finger and thumb of his free hand.

"I don't know what to tell you." Andy waited, allowing him some time to organise his thoughts. "This is the single most painful experience of my life." Nicholas started morosely. "This is killing me. That's such a pathetic phrase, it doesn't even come close to describing how shit I feel." Another pause. More thinking time. "I WISH it was me in there. I want to make him ok again so much and I can't do a fucking thing to help him." Andy offered him more astute silence. "He did this for me. I'm the reason he's in here. It's like I'm the one who shot him." Maybe it was dehydration, but Andy was shocked that Nicholas managed all this without his eyes even getting wet. His voice was steady and quiet. He had the resigned air of a broken man. Andy definitely preferred the fighty, aggressive Nicholas of the previous evening who had at least seemed determined that Danny was going to get out of this alive.

"Listen, Nicholas, the doctors said he's goin' to be fine, right?" There was no response. "Well they know what they're on about, don't they? They said he's going to be fine and he will be."

"Nice to hear someone thinks we're competent." Dr. Flynn had appeared from Danny's room. "And he's right, Inspector Angel, Danny will be fine. He's waking up now and I know you wanted to be told when that was happening. You must be calm and quiet, but you can go in to see him if you like." Dr. Flynn was smiling at Nicholas, who was looking back at him wide-eyed.

"He's... He's ok? Danny? He's all right?"

"Yes, he is. He's very sleepy still but do you want to see him?"

Ye...Yes, of course I do. I...Thank you, thank you so much."

Nicholas stood, passed his untouched coffee back to Andy and hurried past Dr. Flynn, finally stepping through the sacred doorway into Danny's room. He approached the bed and as he got closer, he saw Danny was groggily trying to open his eyes. He didn't appear to have full control of his facial muscles yet though, and he could only hold them open for about a second at a time. Nicholas got to his side in time to hear Danny murmur his name, frowning. He gently placed a hand on Danny's forearm.

"It's ok, it's me." He murmured softly.

Danny's frown disappeared and his eyes struggled open again, looking in the direction of Nicholas' voice. When Nicholas saw Danny's eyes looking back at him, his own vision finally blurred with saltiness again. He stroked his thumb across the warm skin of Danny's forearm. The relief of touching him and seeing him alive and responsive was completely overwhelming. Suddenly, Nicholas felt all the crippling exhaustion, thirst and hunger he had been repressing. And he had never felt happier. He slowly smiled at Danny, his first proper smile since he had left him after breakfast the previous morning. The gentle, warm, beautiful, secret smile he didn't realise that he used only for Danny. It was what happened when his heart and his body and his whole being thrilled with happiness simultaneously. There had never been anyone else who could elicit such a smile from Nicholas. Danny saw it just before his drugged eyes slid shut against his will but he just managed to make his own lips curve upwards slightly.

"Can't keep me eyes open. Need to sleep." He croaked. Nicholas placed his other hand on Danny's head and stroked his fingers tenderly through his hair. Then, following his instinct, he leaned down and hesitantly touched his lips to Danny's forehead before whispering to him.

"It's all right, Danny. I'll be here when you wake up, I promise."