To Be A Magical Boy

by AelysAlthea

Seamus and Dean met in first year. They were friends. Best friends. The very best of friends, even, and that was how it always would be. The world of magic was a gentle wave and then roiling madness around them, but throughout it all that one thing would never change. From first year to seventh, together or apart, some things were constant.

10. Chapter 10 - Sixth Year - Part I

Chapter 10: Sixth Year - Part I

In the summer before his sixth year, Seamus didn't return home. He didn't go to the Kavanagh Manor out in the country as he had for every summer for as long as he could remember. He didn't go back to Ireland at all.

That fact, that he didn't take the usual Portkey back over the Channel – it hurt. But Seamus couldn't do anything about it. He loved his country, but he didn't even know when he'd be able to go back. Certainly not to that house.

Eoghan made up for it. He was working throughout most of Seamus' holidays, but he ensured he was around every moment he possibly could be. Seamus thought it was a little ridiculous that he made such an effort; he was sixteen, for Merlin's sake. He needed neither a babysitter nor constant entertainment. Eoghan said he didn't care, that Seamus was stuck with him, and why wouldn't he want to spend time with him?

That was one thing that Seamus would always be thankful for. Eoghan loved him. Still loved him. That hadn't changed even slightly, not once. The rest of Seamus' family, his parents…

The moment they saw him, his mam was almost running across the road to throw her arms around his shoulders. She squeezed almost painfully tightly, but Seamus didn't mind. He hadn't seen his mam since the previous Christmas and it hadn't been a good day that they'd spent before Eoghan had decided – thankfully and blessedly so – that they'd have a better Christmas at his own place. For the first time in a long time, Seamus let himself be hugged and even hugged back.

His dad was on him the second Seamus' mam drew away just slightly, wrapping Seamus in his own wiry embrace. It was no less awkward but similarly no less heartbreakingly warm than his mam's had been. Merlin but he'd missed them. He'd missed them so much.

"Are you alright, a leanbh?" She asked, the sincerity of her words thrumming through the old Irish term of endearment. She rarely used Gaelic, not nearly as much as Eoghan did, but it seemed to naturally seep forth when she grew emotional.

Just as she was in that moment, for she didn't wait for a reply before wrapping Seamus in a hug once more. It felt almost compulsive in its tightness "I've missed you so much."

Seamus let himself be held, fighting back the upwelling of his own emotion that demanded to make itself known. He squeezed his eyes closed, curling his arms around his mum in return and pressing his face into her shoulder. "I've missed you too."

Diagon Alley was overflowing that day. Seamus knew he shouldn't have left it as late as he had to get his school supplies, but he'd wanted to wait for his OWL results to come in and then simply hadn't the time to do so. Mostly, he would admit, because Eoghan, with a self-satisfied smirk, had said he wanted to come with him because, "What, are you going to pay for all of that yourself, like?" He'd ruffled Seamus' hair after that, which naturally resulted in a tussle of which Eoghan, being just a little bigger and a little taller than Seamus, eventually won. "Just let me do this for you, yeah?"

Seamus hadn't protested, even though he'd felt he should. Do this, Eoghan had said. This, along with everything else. Eoghan had practically saved him the previous summer, at Christmas, and then this summer too. He should hardly feel like he needed to offer more.

But Seamus let him and so they delayed. They delayed until Eoghan had a day off – which just so happened to leave it long enough for Seamus to get one of several owls he'd received from his parents.

This one was different to the last few. Those Seamus had exchanged over the summer already had been superficial, riddled with pleasantries and horribly awkward. Asking but without any real hope if Seamus wanted to come to the manor that summer at all, and dropping the subject after two asks when Seamus had declined. This one was different because Seamus' mam and dad made it different. They'd asked if they could come and see him instead.

Seamus desperately wanted to see his parents. The world was changing and things were happening. Dangerous things, and it immediately put Seamus in mind of those he loved. There were scenes in the papers, of sites of destruction and chaos, clips declaring missing people, underground behaviour that was kick-starting discord of the non-magical as often as the magical kind. And it didn't just stop in the Wizarding world; Muggles had been afflicted by mayhem as well. Seamus had been almost frantically writing to Dean every other day fearing for his safety, though he likely wasn't any more endangered than Seamus himself was. The state of the British world had grown just a little terrifying.

For that fear, Seamus desperately wanted to see his family. And yet at the same time he was terrified for other reasons. Their last few meetings… they hadn't gone well. Seamus didn't like to think of himself as weak or cowardly, but before his uncails and aintíns, before his cousins and the influencing exclamations they'd made which natural drew like-mindedness from his parents, Seamus had been rendered mute. He couldn't even defend himself when they called him 'unnatural' and proclaimed that something was 'wrong' with him. When they spoke like that, he felt wrong.

Over the summer – and the past year for that matter – Seamus had been coming to terms with himself. With what and who he liked. With the fact that in many people's eyes there was nothing wrong or unnatural about his preferences at all. Eoghan didn't care and was his most stalwart supporter. His cousin Caitlin, who lived in Wales and who they'd met up with several times over the summer break, actually congratulated him on having the guts to come out to the family. As if it had even been his choice rather than simply an inevitability of who he was.

Surprisingly, his bookworm of a cousin Aimee had been one of the most remarkably supportive, if in her own way. In short, she wasn't. Aimee treated Seamus exactly how she always had and yet went so far as to send him updates of the antics at the manor that year. She hadn't mentioned Seamus' dropped bombshell except for once at the end of her first letter that said, "I don't really care who or what you like, Seamus. That's your business, not mine, nor anyone else's. I just wanted you to know that."

And then there was Dean, who Seamus had been terrified of finding out for the same and yet slightly different reasons. He felt ashamed of his fears now after how Dean had reacted. His friend was so clearly hurt by the fact that Seamus had kept things from him that Seamus felt guilty, and yet it wasn't that Seamus was gay that he seemed concerned about. He didn't like it that Seamus' family had found out and exploded. He didn't like that Seamus hadn't confided in him, that he'd kept silent about everything, that he hadn't asked for help when he'd needed it.

What had Seamus done to deserve a friend like Dean? He didn't know, but it just made him like him even more. If he hadn't already fancied him awfully hard for such a long time, that simple fact would have coaxed him the rest of the way.

Seamus had friends who knew and didn't hate him for it. He had family who knew and similarly weren't disgusted, and that meant more than Seamus could say. And yet the fact that his parents, that his mam and dad still couldn't quite seem to accept it… that hurt more than Seamus could say.

The letter they'd sent him had been a hope. A hope that they might have changed their minds, growing to accept him. And yet…

"And Exceeds Expectations!" Seamus' mam raised her eyebrows in genuine surprise. "For Potions, I might add. My, that's unexpected."

"I believe that's why it's called 'Exceeds Expectations'," Eoghan said, sharing a grin with Seamus where he sat at his side. Seamus punched his shoulder maybe a little harder than necessary but Eoghan didn't seem to care.

"You didn't go so well in Potions, did you, Eoghan?" Seamus' dad asked curiously, if a little vaguely. Try as he might, Angus Finnigan had never been able to grasp many of the concepts of the magical world. Magical Creatures and Herbology were apparently easy for their tangibility, but even witnessing magic from his family couldn't quite click the reality of Charms and Transfigurations in his head.

Eoghan adopted a wounded expression. "Hey, just because I flunked out in Potions doesn't mean I didn't go well, like. I got an Outstanding in Transfiguration, you know." He shared a glance with Seamus. "'Sides, Snape's a right asshole, yeah? I'm surprised anyone can even get a pass with him."

Seamus had to nod his agreement. He'd never liked Professor Snape and Snape had never liked him. He put it down to the fact that he was a Gryffindor. Or at least he hoped so, because…

"Hopefully not too much of an asshole," Seamus said, scrunching his nose. "I've got to try and butter him up to let me take Potions next year, like."

"Why is that?" Seamus' mam asked. "I didn't know you wanted to take Potions that badly."

Seamus shrugged. It was a tight gesture, a little awkward, because the entire luncheon was awkward. The restaurant was nice enough, the food tasteful, and there were only a handful of other clients seated despite it being midday, which was always a plus.

But regardless of how easily they spoke, Seamus was still discomforted. He got the distinct impression that he wasn't the only one who felt so, too. It was why they were still tiptoeing through superficial subjects such as his OWL results, of which he'd written the results to his parents over a week ago. This meeting… it was because they were all scared. When the world seemed to be falling apart, family abruptly became that much more important. Regardless, apparently, of how 'unnatural' said family was.

"I don't want to do Potions, exactly," Seamus explained. "But I figure I might need it for, you know, after school."

Seamus' mam's eyebrows rose once more, in genuine surprise and curiosity this time. "You've got an idea about what you want to do when you finish school, then, like?"

Seamus grinned. An actual grin this time, because this truly excited him. He didn't look at Eoghan, because he knew he would blurt something out if he did – Eoghan being the only other person who knew – but he couldn't withhold his smile. "Yeah, I've got an idea."

Their entire table fell silent for a moment as a waiter appeared and, with a wave of his wand, swept the plates into the air and departed again with the cutlery dancing through the air after him. The brief interruption seemed to have distracted Seamus' mam from her train of thought, for when she turned her attention back towards him and Eoghan it was with an abruptly serious expression. "Will you both be coming to the manor at all for the end of the summer?"

Seamus stared at his mam. He'd already told her, she and his dad both, that he wasn't sure it would be such a good idea. Eoghan had agreed, though Seamus suspected it was mostly because Seamus himself didn't want to. He had never encouraged Seamus to return to their family when he was reluctant; rather, he'd stated that his own apartment would be a home for Seamus as long as he wanted it to be.

Seamus appreciated that. He really did. He loved living with Eoghan; they'd always been close despite the immense age gap between them, and living with Eoghan was fantastic and incredibly easy. But at the same time… they might not miss him that much, but Seamus certainly missed his family. He hadn't realised how much he'd come to expect the summer visits to the manor. His life felt unhinged without it.

"I, um…" Seamus began, dropping his gaze to his hands. He what? "I'm not sure if I…"

"You don't have to if you don't want to, Seam," Eoghan said, bumping Seamus' shoulder with his own. "Just do whatever you want to, like."

Seamus nodded, but when he glanced up it was to see his parents exchanging a frowning glance. His mam, always the spokesperson of the two, was the one to speak in continuation. "We'd all really love for you to come visit again, Seamus. You too, Eoghan. It feels a little empty without you both, like."

"Empty in that massive house with so many other relatives?" Eoghan said with a small smile. He managed the expression far better than Seamus suspected he would himself.

"Would they –?" Seamus began, then cut himself off. All eyes turned towards him as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Um. Would they be alright if I came?"

Eoghan looked pained for a brief moment before hiding the expression immediately. He did a good job of it too. Seamus' dad opened his mouth to speak, frown deepening, but closed it as Seamus' mam interrupted him with an abrupt start.

She reached across the table and patted Seamus' hand softly, fondly. The smile she wore was tight and a little pained too, but she managed just as Eoghan had. "Of course it would be. We'll just make sure we won't talk about our little problem, like, yeah?"

"Bloody hell, I don't think I want to go in another shop every again."

Seamus glanced towards Eoghan as they stumbled from Flourish & Blotts. If Diagon Alley was packed, the bookstore was utter mayhem. Seamus was surprised that they'd both made it out alive.

"That's pretty convenient, like, since we've pretty much got everything."

Starting down the Alley in the general direction of the Leaky Cauldron, Eoghan glanced towards Seamus as though there was something in his voice that didn't sound right. Maybe there wasn't. Seamus hadn't really felt right exactly since that morning with the knowledge that he'd be meeting his mam and dad. That wrongness had only grown more pronounced during the meeting, and after…

"Hey," Eoghan said, clamping a hand onto Seamus' shoulder. "You alright?"

Seamus struggled to swallow the lump in his throat. It had been wedged there since they'd left the restaurant. Or fled, more correctly, Seamus all but dragged in Eoghan's wake as soon as they'd stepped through the door. Eoghan didn't glance back at where they'd abandoned their parents even once. Seamus didn't either. He couldn't.

Nodding, Seamus attempted a smile. He just wanted to go home. It had been a big day, even if not all that much had happened. He had his school supplies now. He was done. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

Eoghan didn't look convinced even slightly. His frown actually deepened a little. Pursing his lips, he stopped in place, stilling Seamus to a pause beside him for the weight of his hand on his shoulder. "You know it's all bullshit, like, right?"

Seamus nodded again. "Yeah, I know."

"You know they're all a bunch of fucking idiots, right? That it's what they're saying that's wrong, don't you?"

Seamus nodded once more but found he abruptly couldn't speak.

Eoghan stared at him as they walked. He stared and looked on the verge of saying more, his gaze intent. Whatever he'd been about to say was apparently shunted aside, however, as he shook his head slightly. Then he turned in step and made his way through the sea of people back the way they'd come. "Come on. I just remembered we forgot something."

Seamus, automatically following after him and struggling to swim through the crowd himself, called for his attention. "I've already got all my stuff for school."

Eoghan flashed a smile over his shoulder. "I know you do. This is something else."

"What?"

"You'll see." Then Eoghan picked up his pace, and it was all Seamus could do to keep up with him.

"I can't believe you! This is why you came? This is why you wanted to meet with us?"

Eoghan was practically shouting in the middle of the restaurant. Heads turned towards their table, the waiter regarding them with the wide-eye and rigid stance of one anxiously wondering if they should run for their manager. Eoghan didn't seem to care. As Seamus stared up at him, wide-eyed himself, he saw that Eoghan didn't even seem to realise he was shouting. Strange, since Eoghan was usually the calmest one of their family.

Seamus' mam was flushed in her cheeks but Seamus wasn't sure if it was from anger or embarrassment. At her side, his dad wore a distinctly uncomfortable expression as he glanced between Eoghan and their mam as though waiting for one of them to explode.

Seamus supposed it was Eoghan who had done so first, though his mum wasn't far behind.

"Don't you dare speak to me like that, Eoghan," she snapped, straightening in her seat. "If you're making accusations –"

"Am I wrong?" Eoghan interrupted. Seamus almost cringed in expectation of his mam's wrath for that. No one ever interrupted his mam. "Really, am I wrong for thinking that? What, did you come to tell Seamus that things weren't going to get better, like, but you wanted him to put up with your bullshit anyway? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Eoghan!" Seamus' dad exclaimed, horror morphing his expression.

"We just wanted to talk, Eoghan," Seamus' mam reattempted, though the rage welling in her voice was palpable. "This is a serious problem that we need to work out. Maybe if we could talk we could help Seamus to –"

"It's not a problem, Mam!" Eoghan really did shout this time, a hand slamming into the table sharply enough that the diners three tables over jumped. Seamus felt himself flinch. "Seamus isn't a problem. Being gay isn't a problem. Who he fancies isn't a problem. It's you – all of you – who are the problem because you're making a fucking big deal out of this when it isn't an issue on his end at all!"

Seamus felt like his eyes were going to pop out of his head. Out of the two of them, Seamus knew he was the more volatile son. Eoghan was older, more mature, the rational one. When a fight arose in their family, it almost always involved Seamus or his mam, and less often his dad. Eoghan was never a part of them.

Now it was different. Eoghan was different. It was a surreal feeling to have someone become angry on his behalf; in the past, Seamus had been more than capable of taking that step himself. And yet, at least when it came to this subject, when it came to his family and about himself, Seamus always seemed to lose his tongue and cave beneath a mountain of guilt. Each time, it was Eoghan who stepped in to speak for him.

He really was the best big brother.

"It's a problem, Eoghan," Seamus' mam seethed, "because it's upsetting people. Because this – this thing is unnatural, and we need to work it out. If we're going to keep the family and everyone from getting upset –"

"This thing?" Eoghan started to his feet so suddenly his chair tipped over backwards with a clatter. Seamus flinched again as Eoghan all but spat his words. "This thing is unnatural. There's nothing unnatural about it, Mam! The only unnatural part is how you, his fucking mam, thinks that it in any way should effect how you see him as your kid."

"Eoghan, please don't –"

"No, Dad, fuck you too." Eoghan spun his attention briefly towards their dad before reaffixing his gaze upon their mam. "When you can finally come to the conclusion that sharing your own son's life is more important to you than his fucking sexuality, then maybe you deserve to be a part of it." Then he pushed himself away from the table and was striding to the door.

Seamus watched him go. He watched in mounting fear until Eoghan paused at the door, a murderous expression upon his face, and turned a glare upon the waiter still hovering around the register at the opposite end of the room as though everything was his fault. Seamus had never seen him so angry before and yet… he was a little surprised at the relief that flooded through him that his brother would wait for him.

The restaurant was silent, watching with stilled breath, so even though she spoke in a barely a murmur Seamus heard his mam's voice. "Seamus. We really would like to talk."

Her tone was a confusing mixture of imploration and anger that immediately made it a struggle for Seamus to turn and meet her gaze. He managed, though, and it was to see her eyes wide and staring, almost commanding. It was that command that urged Seamus to his own feet.

"There's nothing wrong with me, Mam," he managed to stutter out. He could hear his voice wavering and could do nothing to stop it. "I haven't got a problem and I… I'm not going to change just because you want me to. I'm –" He had to bite his tongue to withhold the apology that threatened to spill forth. I'm sorry? Seamus didn't have anything to be sorry for. If his time with Eoghan over the past weeks, the acceptance of Dean the previous year and Caitlin and Aimee over the holidays, had been any indication, it was that he shouldn't be sorry.

And he wasn't. Not really. Just… regretful.

Without another glance towards his parents, Seamus turned and started towards the door. As soon as was at Eoghan's side, his brother looped an arm around his neck in a one-armed hug. They left the restaurant together.

Seamus shook his head as he finally caught up to Eoghan and realised what shop he'd stopped outside of. The fluorescent, sparkling letters of 'Ka-Boom' erupted between colours as he watched, vibrant and as vivid as the fireworks it sold. A new store, it had been in its early days the previous Christmas when Seamus had stayed with Eoghan.

To say that the fireworks had brightened up their otherwise sombre Christmas would be an understatement. Seamus had always liked explosions, but lighting them himself as his mam hadn't ever let him do? That was something else entirely.

Eoghan led him inside to the sound of a bell that exploded like a firecracker. A joke, naturally, but Seamus had still jumped the first time he'd heard it before grinning widely. He couldn't keep the touch of a smile from his face this time too. Just a hint. It was a little harder to allow to draw forth this time, but Seamus doubted he would ever not smile when he entered a fireworks shop.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen," the shop assistant said, a middle aged man with large glasses and a bald head that Seamus considered a benefit for one who worked with fireworks. He smiled invitingly from the counter beside the door. "Can I help you with anything?"

They weren't the only ones in the shop, but it was far from crowded. Fireworks were cyclically popular, frequenting Christmases and Halloweens and Guy Fawkes night in deference to the wizard himself. Seamus personally didn't think they needed a celebration to shoot vibrant fire and sparks into the air, but he wasn't complaining. Less people in the shop made it far easier to find what they were looking for than it had been at Christmas.

Eoghan smiled easily in return. "No thanks. We know what we're looking for, like."

The bald man nodded obligingly. "Sure. Just give me a holler if you need a hand, then." And like the agreeable salesman he apparently was, he left them to their own devices.

Seamus followed Eoghan as he crossed the room. The shop wasn't large, but the modest size wasn't cluttered either. Polished floors mirrored stacks of shelves each heaped with brightly coloured packages and tubes, spheres that Seamus knew to be Bouncing Boof-Heads, and intricate shapes from stars to donuts to rods as thin as a pencil and longer than his arm. Seamus grazed his eyes over the stacks, tallying them in their head and mentally cataloguing those he knew to post against the image of their explosion he held in his mind.

The Blooming Bastards burst into extravagant bouquets of flowers as big as a house, unfurling as they shot into the sky before retreating back into buds before descending. The Windchimes sung a soothing tune to the accompaniment of colourful musical notes drifting through the air, though far louder than their name sake. The Hare and the Tortoise Race exploded in a wash of whites, greens and reds to show the infamous race that dancing in a wide arc across the sky. Seamus remembered each of them and more from the previous Christmas and couldn't help but let his smile settle more easily. He'd love to make fireworks some day. That would be… it would be fantastic.

Eoghan stopped beside a particularly large shelf of oddly shaped crackers that looked a little like Muggle grenades. He flicked one as he shot a glance towards Seamus. "What do you think? Want to get a Bomber this time, like?"

Seamus shook his head, but more in amusement than denial. Maybe Eoghan's spontaneous trip to Ka-Boom was a good idea. Seamus had been in a very maudlin mood since leaving his parents at the restaurant. Maybe Eoghan had just gotten tired of his funk? It would be warranted if he had.

Stepping up to Eoghan's side, Seamus picked up one of the Bombers. They were truly fantastic, as much for their deafening sound as the immense size of the vibrant explosion they produced. Seamus had seen it before and he'd loved the overwhelming force of them from the first time he'd seen his dad light one when…

The wistful, sombre thought dampened his mood once more and it was a struggle to keep his tone light and casual when he spoke. "I thought you said we were going to reserve this sort of thing for special occasions? We kind of went overkill last Christmas – think we used our yearly quota, like."

Eoghan spared him a glance as he stepped to the next shelf and plucked a long tube from the stack to wave in the air at him. "Yeah, I know. But you like them, right? 'Course you do."

"But it's not really a special occasion, Eoghan."

Surprisingly, Eoghan's face softened. Putting down the tube, he started to Seamus' side and, surprisingly, hooked an arm around his neck to tug him into a one-armed embrace. "Maybe not," he said quietly. "But it's been a hell of a day, like. And you did well, Seam. Really well. You stuck to your guns like you should do, and I'm proud of you."

It might have been a bit condescending. It might have even been simply embarrassing to hear those words from his older brother. But as though they'd broken something in Seamus, he felt an overwhelming upwelling of emotion flood through him. It was as though the thought of his dad from moments before had been engorged, expanding to lodge in the back of his throat and bring a burning sensation to his eyes. It stung, ached even, and Seamus –

Squeezing his eyes closed, he turned into Eoghan's shoulder. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't let himself cry. It was stupid to do something like that, even if it did hurt terribly that Seamus' mam and dad… that they hadn't changed their minds. That they wanted to simply smother the 'problem' rather than come to terms with it. It really hurt.

In the middle of the fireworks shop, Seamus found himself abruptly sobbing into his brother's comforting embrace.

---

"I just can't believe it, like. You've got to bloody kidding me."

Dean shook his head, grinning at him. "I swear I didn't do it on purpose."

Seamus glared up at him as they wove their way through the crowd at King's Cross Station. "Like hell you didn't. Bet you've been spending your entire summer lying horizontal or something while you get Keira and June to stretch you from both ends."

Dean tipped his head back to loose a belly laugh . The sound rung loud and clear, almost starkly discordant in the otherwise subdued atmosphere of the platform. No one else was laughing. Few enough people were even smiling; the story of the collapsed bridge printed across the papers that morning – magically collapsed, it had been discovered – weighed heavily upon everyone's minds alongside every other fear and mounting foreboding. Seamus couldn't really blame the families of his fellow students. Leaving home at such a time was kind of terrifying. Who knew what would become of their families when they left?

As a result, Seamus had forcibly attempted to shunt his own melancholy aside. Dean, by unspoken consent and without even discussing doing so, had done just the same. He'd even adopted an overly bright expression, a wide smile, when he'd said goodbye to his mam moments before. Seamus had seen the slight easing of Mrs Thomas' distress in the face of it and couldn't say it surprised him; Dean's smile had that effect on people.

They were probably the loudest two on the platform, and Seamus noticed absently that their jovial conversation attracted more than a few vaguely surprised glances. Not that he cared. Honestly, it was just good to see Dean. They really hadn't caught up enough that holidays, even given that Seamus was staying on the mainland.

"I don't think that's how growing taller works, Seam," Dean chuckled. "And besides, it would be more likely that Millie would do the stretching than Keira. She's hardly off her Playstation these days."

"So you're not denying it, like?" Seamus said, pausing in step to jab a finger at Dean triumphantly. "I knew it."

"I don't think manually stretching someone makes them taller. I'm just naturally tall."

"Naturally a giant, you mean. I swear, you'd be taller than Ron these days."

"Haven't I always been?" Dean raised an eyebrow. He hadn't stopped smiling for a second since Seamus had all but tackled him to the ground in a hug barely ten minutes before. Seamus quite liked that fact, even as he maintained the farce of his indignation. "Do you think I'm actually a full foot taller than you now? I think I might be."

Seamus stared up at him for a moment – or glared, but it wasn't a real glare so he didn't think it counted – before jabbing a fist into Dean's gut. The air whooshed out of Dean with a mirthful "Ow" before they were both snickering to one another.

"You have a killer punch on you, has anyone ever told you that?" Dean said as he straightened, rubbing his belly. "I swear it's gotten worse."

"Worse? I think you mean better, like." Seamus grasped the handle of his trunk once more and continued leading the way to the nearest train carriage. "I've been living with Eoghan for the whole summer. What do you expect?"

"What, so you beat the crap out of each other routinely, then?"

"'Course we do. We're brothers," Seamus said by way of explanation. It was true, for they tussled on frequent occasions, if never sincerely. Besides, Eoghan almost always won. Those few inches of height… Seamus was sincerely regretting his lack of growth that summer.

"I've never done that with any of my sisters," Dean said dubiously, shaking his head as they climbed the carriage steps. "Honestly, I'd almost think you didn't like each other except for the fact that I know you do."

Seamus grinned in reply. What could he say? Dean was right in that regard. In Seamus' opinion, Eoghan was about the best person in the world, and not just because he was his brother. At the thought, rising onto his toes – for even on the steps of the carriage it was a bit of a struggle to see over the scattered heads of the crowds – he sought the waiting figure of his brother as he knew would be looking towards him.

Eoghan was. Of course he was, because even though Seamus said it was unnecessary, that he was more than capable of getting onto the train himself, Eoghan wanted to 'see him off'. It was as though he felt obliged to fill the role of Seamus' parents in their absence, though neither said as much. Seamus didn't say that the hurt he felt for his mam and dad's absence was soothed just a little by Eoghan's presence either.

Eoghan really was the best.

He wasn't standing too far away, so when Seamus raised a hand to wave farewell Eoghan saw him immediately and raised his own in reply. It was the hand that held the modified Roman candle that Seamus had given him as he'd said goodbye earlier. He waved it like a flag and Seamus couldn't help but grin.

In Gaelic, for in relatively private – or illegal – matters they'd decided to do so, Seamus cupped his hands around his mouth and called to him. "Make sure you tell me how it goes! I want a full account, like, alright?"

Eoghan's grin widened and he shook his head as he called a reply in kind. "Of course, pyro. I'm looking forward to it." Then he pointed the firework at Seamus and adopted a chiding expression. "Though I expect you to write me and tell me that you've kept your promise of no explosions your first week back."

"You're no fun at all," Seamus replied, before sparing Eoghan another wave and turning to continue his climb back up the carriage steps.

Dean was waiting for him just inside, wearing a strange kind of frown. "What was that?" He asked, tone a little incredulous.

Seamus felt his smile grow mischievous. "I may or may not have been experimenting with fireworks over the summer. Maybe."

Dean blinked, eyebrows rising. "You what?" Then he blinked again and shook his head. "Okay, we'll revisit that. I actually meant the – the thing."

Seamus frowned, confused. "Thing?"

Waving a hand at Seamus in what was probably supposed to be an explanatory gesture but only confused him further, Dean frowned once more. "That thing. The 'plee-ask-er' and all that. What was that?"

Seamus stared for a moment before understanding dawned. He felt himself grinning. "Oh, yeah, me and Eoghan – or Eoghan, actually. He learnt Gaelic when he was little and then taught me most of what he knew, like, so whenever we're talking in private or whatever we just use that."

Dean stared at Seamus blankly. He was apparently so stupefied for whatever reason that he didn't notice what looked to be a second year girl trying to slip past him down the hallway until she was practically climbing over his trunk. Then he blinked and slowly shook his head in something of a stupor as he moved it. "You speak Gaelic?"

"I already told you that, like. And it's pléascadh, by the way."

"You never told me that."

"Yes, I did. I told you –"

"I swear you've never told me you can speak Gaelic." Dean's stupefaction hadn't faded even slightly and Seamus found himself growing more than a little confused once more.

Frowning, Seamus stepped aside to let another younger student slip past him, shunting his trunk into the sidelong cabin as he did. "What's wrong with that?" He couldn't fathom what concerned Dean so much but he didn't like him appearing so… what? Put out?

Dean slowly shook his head. "Nothing's wrong with it," he said slowly. "I just… I never knew." His frown settled a little more deeply, almost concerned. "That seems to happen quite a bit, actually."

"What does?" Seamus asked.

"I just find things out about you – big things – that you haven't told me."

Seamus was a little stunned himself now. Big things? What big things had he kept from Dean? He couldn't really think of any off the top of his head, except – well, there was the fact that he was gay, but no one had known except Wayne, Hannah and maybe Susan until the previous year. Did it bother Dean?

A touch of nausea tightened Seamus' gut but he thrust it aside. No, it didn't. He knew it didn't. Dean was one of the people who were fine with it. Blessedly, heart-stopping in its relief because Seamus didn't known how he would have coped if he wasn't. It wasn't just because Seamus had fancied him since the moment he'd even realised he saw other boys that way.

But what was all this about? Was Dean really so disgruntled about Seamus not telling him? He'd truly thought he'd mentioned it; it wasn't as though Seamus was intentionally hiding the fact. "Knowing Gaelic isn't a big thing, Dean," he muttered, frowning himself. "But if it bothers you, like, you can just ask me." He shrugged. "I don't really mind telling you anything, so if you don't know it's probably just 'cause I forgot to tell you."

Dean stared at Seamus for a moment, his expression intent as though he was reading Seamus' face like an open book. He probably was at that; Seamus wouldn't put it past him. Whatever he saw apparently satisfied him for he smiled a moment later. It was the warm, perfect smile that Seamus had realised he'd loved nearly a whole two years ago. "Thanks, Seam," he said. Then, turning to pick up his trunk, they started down the gradually filling hallway once more. "Now, tell me about this fireworks thing."

Seamus, relieved for the change of subject as much as for the subject they jumped to itself, immediately launched into his tales of his summer exploits. Of how he and Eoghan had been talking about his prospects and how he really, really wanted to try experimenting with magical fireworks because after the previous Christmas, after what he'd seen of Fred and George Weasley's work, he was hooked.

Dean listened with a steadily widening smile of attentiveness, shaking his head as Seamus dropped his voice for a moment and explained the nature of the Roman candle he'd given to Eoghan. "I just hope he doesn't blow his head off with it, like."

Dean laughed. "You think he might? Isn't that a little dangerous?"

Seamus was about to reply before he registered those inside the cabin they just passed. Backtracking slightly, he found himself grinning and waving enthusiastically at the Hufflepuffs inside. The door was shunted open and he was bustling inside a moment later.

"Hey, everyone! Don't suppose you mind us crashing your cabin?"

All of them – Wayne, Susan and Hannah – turned beaming smiles upon him as he entered. Seamus didn't really have to ask; their welcome was apparent enough.

Hannah replied anyway, waving them inside and immediately rising to her feet to assist with hauling Seamus' and Dean's trunks into the overhead lockers. "Of course not. We were waiting for you, actually."

Seamus paused for a second at the sudden warmth that washed through him at Hannah's words. How different that was to the previous year when Seamus had forced them, if unwillingly, to sit apart. He was truly lucky that they'd all forgiven him as readily as they had.

With Dean at his side, they made short work of settling into the cabin to the sound of exchanged welcomes and askance of "How was your summer?" Seamus automatically took the seat beside Wayne as they fell into discussion. He'd seen Wayne several times over the break but always found something to talk about with him. Despite the fact that they weren't dating anymore and hadn't been for over a year, Seamus in many ways still felt the closest to Wayne out of the Hufflepuffs. Which was strange considering they were so different. Maybe the fact that Wayne quite often seemed content to simply listen as Seamus chattered his ear off had something to do with it. Lightly and superficially that summer, because no one really wanted to talk about any of the problems occurring in the Wizarding world at present, even if they did play on every mind.

Seamus didn't notice the time passing, or how quickly it passed, until the train tooted deafeningly. Smoke wafted thickly outside of their cabin's window and muffled calls of farewell sounded from the platform. Seamus paused in his discussion with Wayne to glance out upon the sea of faces that were just a little tighter, just a little more fearful, than usual. He wondered if Eoghan was worried too.

"I should probably go and find Ginny."

At the sound of Dean's words, Seamus glanced towards him. He was gazing a little distractedly through the window too before slowly rising to his feet. There wasn't quite reluctance in his words, but Seamus wasn't sure someone should sound quite so blasé about meeting their girlfriend as Dean did. Maybe that was just how Dean was? Seamus wouldn't put it past him, even if he might secretly hope it was otherwise.

"Are you going to be sitting with her, then?" Wayne asked curiously.

"We only wonder because we can rent your seat out if you are," Susan said with a grin.

"I didn't mean that, actually," Wayne corrected. "Not everyone is entirely mercenary, Susan."

"Yes, but not everyone is as kind-hearted as you are, Wayne."

Dean smiled at their exchange as he shook his head before replying. "No, I doubt it. We just promised to meet up is all. I haven't seen her for a about a week so…" Shrugging, he turned from the cabin and, with a brief wave of farewell, disappeared into the hallway beyond.

Seamus found himself staring after him. He wasn't upset, but… maybe he felt a little saddened. Or at least he wasn't upset anymore. It had been one of the greatest struggles Seamus had faced trying to keep himself composed, to even appear happy for Dean, when he'd told him on the train trip at the end of the previous year than Ginny had asked him out. Seamus hadn't really held any hopes that anything would become of his own feelings, but it still stung that Dean was dating someone else.

It stung a lot, actually. Probably more than just a sting.

He'd tried to be supportive. Despite the urge to bad-mouth Ginny, to profess that she 'wasn't right for him' and that they should break up, Seamus tried. He owed Dean that much after the support he'd given Seamus the previous year, and even without that, Seamus couldn't in all sincerity back his thoughts. Ginny really was a nice person, and if anyone deserved Dean it was probably her.

Seamus only wished that the greater part of his mind believed that as much as his very subdued logical side did. It would certainly be easier to suffer through Dean's explanations of their meeting over the summer with an encouraging smile if he did.

"Are you alright?" Wayne asked at his side, shaking Seamus from his reverie.

Turning towards him, Seamus noticed not only Wayne but Susan and Hannah staring at him too. There was more than a hint of sympathy to their expressions and Seamus knew without having to be told, without Wayne having told him weeks ago that "They kind of guessed," that every one of them was aware of his feelings for Dean. Just as much as Wayne was.

Adopting a smile that he hoped appeared genuine, Seamus smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing for it, like, right?"

"Have you thought about telling him?" Hannah asked tentatively.

Seamus shook his head. "No way. I don't want to weird him out."

"I don't think you'd weird him out," Wayne said quietly. The soft smile he offered Seamus was entirely empathetic. "In a lot of ways, I think it makes it easier when you just tell the person you like how much you like them."

Seamus felt a now-familiar flame of guilt spark within him at Wayne's words. Wayne was truly one of the nicest people Seamus had even met, and not only because he was so compassionate and kind to absolutely everyone around him. He was genuinely considerate too, understanding and far too lenient. If Seamus didn't like Dean as much as he did – and the incident with his family the summer before fifth year hadn't happened – then he would surely date Wayne in a heartbeat if he'd take him back. As it was, however, he didn't think it was quite fair. Not with how he felt. Not for Wayne.

"Was that… how it was for you?" Seamus asked, the guilty spark flaring a little more brightly. He knew that Wayne still fancied him, even if Wayne had professed that he'd let any hope of anything coming of it die. Seamus more than hoped he'd find someone else; it wasn't fair that he was still stuck with his feelings when Seamus didn't reciprocate.

Wayne shrugged, his smile touched not even slightly by wistfulness or regret. "Yeah, I think it was. And not only because you agreed to date me for a while after it."

Seamus felt silent. He didn't really know how to reply, and not only because he didn't entirely believe Wayne's words. Seamus wasn't sure that telling Dean would be such a good idea, especially when Dean was very definitely dating Ginny at present.

Instead, Seamus turned with a smile towards Hannah. "So, you went to Belgium over the summer? How was that?"

It was such an obvious deflection that a fool man would have seen through it, but Seamus' friends didn't appear to mind. Hannah enthusiastically jumped into retelling her holiday with gusto, and the topic was effectively laid to rest.

Dean didn't come back to the cabin. Or at least he didn't for a good hour or so, in which Seamus slowly began to tell himself he should just accept the inevitable. He hadn't ditched Dean when he'd been dating Wayne, had he? He didn't think so, but… suddenly Seamus didn't like the idea of dating all that much. It was a stupid concept, after all. Entirely stupid. For anyone.

When the lunch trolley trundled past, Seamus was on his feet simply for something to do. Nodding at Susan's requests and promising to filch as many Tongue-Burners Twisters for Wayne – he had a weird fetish for sour sweets – he left the cabin.

"Hello, dear," the elderly trolley witch said with a smile as he trotted down the hallway to draw up alongside her. The witch waved along the trio of third years as they hastened back to their own cabin already chewing on Pumpkin Pasties before turning towards him. "What can I get for you?"

Seamus made his order and was just handing his over a handful of knuts and sickles when a tongue clicked behind him with an exasperated sigh. "Are you trying to take all the Tongue-Burner Twisters?"

Glancing over his shoulder, Seamus blinked in surprise at Parvati Patil as she frowned at him, tapping her foot indignantly with arms folding across her chest. It wasn't so much that he was surprised to see her but that she was visibly annoyed. Almost angry, even. He didn't think… no, Seamus wasn't sure he'd ever seen Parvati actually angry before.

Sparing a glance to the handful of sweets he held, Seamus shrugged and held out a pair of Twisters. "Not all of them, but you can have some of mine if you'd like."

Parvati blinked and her annoyance shifted to disgruntled surprise. "Oh. Um. No, it's okay. I'm sure there's some left. Thanks anyway." Then she stepped past him and made her own order.

Seamus watched as she spared a tight smile for the trolley witch before the old lady turned back to her cart and began to trundle it away once more. He'd never paid much of a mind to Parvati and knew even less of her than Lavender who, though she'd largely ignored Seamus after fourth year, seemed to have a soft spot for him after he'd 'rescued' her from the Slytherin girls' bullying. Parvati, though, Seamus didn't really know at all. He didn't think he'd exchanged much more than a word or two with her at a time, and them mostly during their DA meetings the previous year.

In that moment, however, Seamus found that he couldn't really draw his attention from her. There was something about the way she was holding herself, the tightness across her shoulders and in the grasp on the Twisters in her hands, that made him think something was wrong. Seamus usually wouldn't care; he didn't have a problem with conversing with other people in the slightest but generally preferred to direct his attention to his friends.

Perhaps the Hufflepuff mentality was wearing off on him, however, for as Parvati stood in the middle of the hallway, plucking at a Twister and with no apparent intention of returning to her cabin, he couldn't help but ask. "Hey, are you alright, like?"

Startled, Parvati raised her gaze towards him. "What?"

Seamus shrugged. "You seem a little upset about something is all."

Parvati stared at him, fingers plucking and confusion apparent upon her face. "What are you talking about?"

Seamus shrugged again. He'd never been particularly competent at talking with girls – with the exception of Susan and Hannah that was, though they were very exceptional – and hadn't been terribly interested in doing so before. How was someone supposed to comfort them when they were clearly agitated? Was it the same as how he'd comfort Dean? Seamus didn't think that an awkward question or two, an offhanded offer of support and a bump of shoulders would really cut it for Parvati.

But maybe she didn't need that. Parvati was a chatterbox, perhaps as much as Seamus found himself at times if in a different manner. They had that much in common at least, though Parvati usually reserved her chatter for Lavender. Seamus suspected that if he got her talking about what was bothering her she might actually be obliged to tell him.

"I only wondered because you seem a little bit angry, like, and I thought maybe there was something I could do." Then, because her continued presence in the hallway suggested it, Seamus added, "Did you have an argument with Lavender or something? Is that why you don't really want to go back to your cabin?"

Parvati stared at him with eyebrows slowly rising. Seamus shifted uncomfortably in the face of her silent stare. "What?"

Slowly, Parvati shook her head. "Nothing, just… you're more observant than I always thought you were, Seamus."

"Is that a bad thing?" Seamus said with an affronted frown. "'Cause I don't think that –"

"No," Parvati interrupted hastily. "It's not a bad thing. Just unexpected. But…" She offered a small smile that seemed more directed to the Twisters in her hand than to Seamus. "Thanks. I guess maybe you're right."

Seamus nodded and waited expectantly. Parvati sighed, her shoulders slumping and she turned her big-eyed, dark gaze towards him. Then, as though she truly had just needed an ear to listen to her, it blurted forth in a sudden rush. "It's just that Lavender – and my sister, and her friends for that matter… they're driving me insane."

Seamus didn't even need to verbally prompt her with a question; the rise of his eyebrow was apparently query enough, for Parvati clicked her tongue and continued. Her Twister-plucking became almost vicious, shredding the tip of one of the plastic packages. "I don't know what it was about last summer, but all of them seem to have gone boy crazy. Every conversation we have is about boys and – I mean, it's not that I'm not, you know, interested or anything, but it's like everything else just isn't important anymore. Lavender seems to have an opinion about every boy in our year that she feels the need to remind me of every second we're together, and Padma started dating Terry at the end of last year so –"

"Wait, Terry Boot?" Seamus broke in. Parvati's gushing tirade had picked up pace as she spoke and she didn't seem inclined to stop any time soon. Seamus figured an interruption was the only way he'd get a word in. "I didn't know your sister was dating him."

Parvati, her incredulity at Seamus' supposed perceptiveness vanquished with her words, met his gaze with a wide-eyed stare of her own and nodded fervently. "She is. And it's practically all she talks about too. Her and Lavender – they both basically talk about boyfriends all the time."

"Has Lavender got one?" Seamus asked curiously.

"No," Parvati said. "Not yet, anyway. But I wouldn't be surprised if she got one before the end of first term." Parvati dropped her gaze back to the Twisters in her hand, her expression abruptly sagging miserably. "I just… I just want my friend back. She seems to have gone crazy and I don't… I mean, it's not that I don't want to talk about relationships or anything too, but I'm just not… I'm not as…"

She trailed off, and though Seamus wasn't sure what she meant to say exactly, he thought he got an impression. That Parvati wanted her friend to be as she'd been, for them to spend time together as they had almost every moment of the day before Lavender had gone 'boy crazy'. Seamus could relate to that. All things told, Dean was pretty good when it came to Ginny; he didn't talk about her, or at least not all the time, and he didn't seem like he longed to be at her side whenever he and Seamus were hanging out. But the train trip that year was the first time that Seamus hadn't spent the whole journey with him since first year.

Nodding his commiseration, Seamus offered Parvati a small smile. "I get that."

Parvati raised her gaze questioningly, eyebrow quirking. "What?"

"Dean's a bit the same. Or, like, not the same, exactly, but he's dating Ginny now so he's buggered off to go find her somewhere. I don't know, he'll probably come back in a bit, but…"

Surprisingly, Parvati's expression softened. A very definite touch of empathy drew her eyebrows from their frown and she offered him a small smile. "It kind of sucks, doesn't it?"

Seamus shrugged awkwardly. He was trying desperately hard not to begrudge Dean his relationship, even if it sparked an ache within him that only intensified whenever he thought about him with Ginny. He didn't particularly want Parvati's sympathy – or empathy, if she could commiserate – because that just made it harder to ignore.

Still, Parvati seemed like she needed someone to agree with her, so he nodded. "Yeah, it does a bit."

"Are you left by yourself, then?" She asked.

Seamus shook his head. "No, I'm with Wayne, Susan and Hannah, so I'm not, like, alone or anything."

"You mean with the Hufflepuffs?" At Seamus' nod, Parvati's expression grew a little incredulous once more. "I kind of knew you were friends but I didn't realise you were that close."

"They're pretty cool," Seamus said. "And I guess it's good to have someone else to hang out with when Dean's off with Ginny, like."

Parvati hummed, lowering her gaze to her hands. A regretful expression drew her brows together and she seemed to grow melancholic once more. "Yeah, that would be nice."

It took Seamus a moment, but the idea dawned on him. Maybe Parvati had been asking for it, he didn't know, but he felt the obligation to offer either way. "If you'd like you can come back to our cabin with me. Only, like, if you want to, mind."

Parvati raised her gaze once more, her pretty face smiling a little sad. When she spoke, it wasn't quite as teasing as her words perhaps should have been. "Are you flirting with me, Seamus?"

Probably because of her tone, Seamus didn't feel his hackles rise defensively as they would have had someone like Lavender asked him just the same. He didn't even feel embarrassed, and for whatever reason, when he spoke it was with more truth than he had to anyone on the subject before. "Sorry if you wanted me to be, but no. I'm not. I'm actually gay, so…"

A smile touched Parvati's lips for a moment as though she thought he was teasing her, then in abruptly faded into a shocked flopping open of her mouth. Seamus thought she might draw away from him, perhaps even adopt an expression of disgust, but though she did take a half step backwards, her tone was more curious than accusing. "Really?"

Seamus, struggling with an abrupt feeling of liberation – he'd never so openly admitted to his sexuality before and it felt good, if a little terrifying – shrugged with an attempt at casualness. "Yeah. I don't suppose it's a problem for you, is it?"

Parvati blinked, still visibly stunned. Her mouth opened and closed a few times before she managed to get any words out. "No, I – I mean, I'm a little surprised –"

"A little?" Seamus said, almost surprised himself at how easy it was to tease her as she'd expected him to. She hadn't recoiled in horror when he'd told her and that gave him more confidence in his words. "Try a lot, maybe, like?"

Slowly, a little waveringly at first but then widening, a smile spread across Parvati's face. She really was very pretty; even uninterested in her in that particular regard as he was, Seamus could recognise that. "Yeah, maybe a lot," she said. "I never knew."

"Probably because I never really told anyone."

"Have you –? I mean, have you ever dated another… another –"

"Another boy?" Really, it was incredible how easy it abruptly became. Seamus barely even felt the urge to glance around him to ensure that no one was listening into their conversation. "Yeah. For a little while."

Parvati shook her head slowly. "Wow…" She murmured, seemingly more to herself than to Seamus. "That's really…"

"Unexpected?" Seamus grinned. "Don't I look the type, like?"

Parvati snorted. "No, I suppose not. Though I don't know what 'the type' is really supposed to look like."

"A fairy?"

"Do you mean a real fairy?"

They both snickered and it suddenly became even easier. Parvati was smiling with true sincerity now and when she met Seamus' eyes her own sparkled merrily. "Sorry I said that to you. About the flirting. I guess it's just playing on my mind is all."

Seamus waved her apology aside easily. "It's alright. Fair enough, really." Then, out of curiosity, he asked, "Would you have liked me to have been?"

"Flirting with me?" Seamus nodded and Parvati sighed. Absently unwrapping a Twister, she stuck the end into her mouth and took an almost savage bite. How she managed it without cringing at the onrush of sourness Seamus didn't know. Wayne was like that too. Incredible.

Finally, Parvati shrugged. "I don't know. Would it be weird of me if I said I don't think so?"

Seamus shook his head. "Not any weirder than it is that I wouldn't want a girl to flirt with me, really."

"Yeah, but you're gay, Seamus," Parvati pointed out with surprising ease. Just like that it was almost as though it wasn't a problem at all.

Which it isn't, Seamus reminded himself. Eoghan had told him just that and Seamus had been reminding himself of that reality for weeks now. There isn't a problem with it. "Yeah, well, maybe you are to, like?"

Parvati seemed startled for a moment before bursting out into raucous laughter as though Seamus had just told a hilarious joke. He prided himself on what he'd said when she turned her smile of actual light-hearted merriment upon him. Not a hint of her prior melancholy remained.

Turning, Seamus beckoned her down the hallway in the direction of his own cabin. "Come on, then. Even if just for a little while, maybe you'd like a break from boy talk?"

Parvati hastened in his wake, relief and actual eagerness putting a spring in her step. "Yeah. That'd be great." As Seamus led her along the hallway, he almost missed her whispered words of, "Thanks, Seamus. Really."

Seamus pretended he didn't hear and Parvati seemed grateful for that too.

---

A/N: Hey, everyone. For whoever's interested, this is just a translation/pronounciation guide of the Gaelic :) 'A leanbh' is pronounce 'a lan-uv' while 'pléascadh' means explosion