KK: The Rise & Fall Book 2 Part 2: Birth of a Jedi Chapter 10: The Reunion Part 2, a jedi knight fanfic

Kyle Katarn: The Rise & Fall

Book 2, Part 2: Birth of a Jedi

Chapter 10: The Reunion Part 2

A/N: Okay, I know I've made you wait and caused no end of torture, but all that ends today! For here is the second and final part of the reunion and not to beat my own drum too loudly, you have no idea of the ride I'm gonna take you on! But before we head up the first hill and down the first drop, let's do them shout outs!

Ovall Aocrog: I can't imagine doing anything like this with Kyle and Jan again. Tinuviel and Nerwen would kill me! As far as the scene regarding Luke and Vader on the 2nd Death Star, all I can say is, DOH! I don't know how I missed that one. Sorry 'bout that, I'll try and be more aware going forward. Your character and the others are going to be featured in time. With Chapters 9 and 10, my principal focus is Kyle and Jan. But believe me, the rest of the cast will show up as things proceed. Here's hoping this chapter is better.

Nerwen Aldarion: I'm guessing that first reaction means you like it. What's happened is that some of the crew have sided with Kyle, while others support Jan and see Kyle as the bad guy. Well, when you think about it, Jan and Kyle didn't exactly leave Restall and Plana with any other choice. I'm so glad the song lyrics worked with the chapter content. You're gonna get double the pleasure in this one, two songs! I tell ya, you get used to having the microwave, it's like going back to the dark ages without it!

Tinuviel Undomiel: Here's hoping your wait was worth it after you read this chapter and I can come out from hiding. It's like I said to Nerwen, there wasn't much choice as to how to deal with those knuckleheads. Things will work out, but that's all I'm gonna say. As to the Jedi thing, I plan on dealing with that soon, possibly within the next two chapters. Yeah, I probably worried too much, it's just that in the published Star Wars books, you never really see her act protective.

Pygmalion: Well, here's hoping your faith in my abilities is justified. You and I could have quite the conversation on those who have absolute garbage on the site. If I had a dollar for every time I've started a promising story only to see it fall into absolute chaos or is half completed or… well, let's just say I totally agree with you. Once I read the explanation of your screenname, I remembered reading the story in a literature class in college. A most appropriate choice.

A/N: Along with the story, I've included from two songs as well that I think really fit their respective scenes. The first is from Mads Langer and is titled "Fact-Fiction". The second is a personal favorite of mine titled "All In" by Lifehouse. You find both songs on YouTube should you wish to listen to them as you read. Special thanks to my DJ of record, Nerwen Aldarion, for leading me to these songs.! And with that, proceed on to the story, enjoy and please review!

New Republic Command Ship Intrepid

Security Office

Restall sighed once again. Though he had not told Kyle nor Jan, there was a special microphone inside both cells that transmitted all conversation to the console he sat in front of. He shook his great head in frustration as the door the office slid open.

"I brought us something to eat," said Plana, carrying two sealed plastrene bags.

"Thanks," Restall replied, taking one, but not opening it.

"I take it from your expression that things are not going well."

"Unless you consider Jan wanting to tear someone's face off, no not well at all. The little idiot nearly managed to break her hand pounding on the cell door."

Plana grimaced in sympathetic pain. "Ow."

Restall nodded. "Especially when you consider that door is 2 inches of high grade durasteel."

"And Kyle's made no inroads with her at all?"

"Not for lack of trying," Restall replied, "but Jan doesn't want him anywhere near her. She's made that abundantly clear."

Plana sighed. "I hate to say this, but you do realize we can't hold them forever?"

Restall nodded and then sighed. "I was so sure this was going to work. But now…"

Plana came close and threw a sympathetic arm across the man's shoulders.

"Hey, I didn't mean you should give up yet. There's still time."

"I hope you're right."

"Oh please, would you quit being a gloomy gus? Now eat something already."

Feeling a little bolstered by Plana's words, Restall managed a small smile before he opened the bag of food. Steam washed out of it in a great cloud.

"Still warm," he commented, carefully reaching inside.

"Do I take care of you or what?" Plana asked and the two golden-skinned beings smiled at each other.

Inside the cells

Jan had moved back to the bench, cradling her right hand. Opposite her, Kyle's worry overcame his fear of her.

"Are you sure you're all right?"

Jan said nothing.

"Look, hate me if you want. But if that hand is broken, it needs to be treated right away."

Still nothing.

Kyle started towards her, his temper rising.

"Blast it, Ors…"

"Stay away," she said.

"Finally! The mummy speaks!"

"Shut up, Katarn."

"Look, are you all right or not. Because if you aren't…"

Jan rose to her feet in one quick motion, holding out the arm and flexing it into a fist without the slightest hint of pain on her face.

"There!" she exclaimed, "see? I'm fine! Now, get away from me or…"

"Or what?" he challenged, still angry.

Before he quite realized what was happening, Jan had dashed forward and executed an open palm strike to Kyle's chest. It sent the operative staggering backwards, nearly falling until he caught himself. It didn't hurt all that much, but it had sent a clear message. Not believing what had just occurred, Kyle stared at Jan, whose eyes were as wide as his own. It was almost as if she didn't realize what she had done and now was trying to wrap her brain around it. Looking away suddenly, she moved back towards the cell door.

"Just… stay away," she muttered, "I…"

He could see her mouth working, trying to form words, but nothing came out. Suddenly, he struck the door with her other hand.

"Plana! Restall! Open this door! Do it now or I'll…"

The loudspeaker snapped on once again.

"Yell and pound all you want, Jan," Plana said, "You and Kyle are staying in there until you've resolved things between you."

This caught Kyle as a bit strange, so he said, "What do you mean?"

"It oughta be pretty obvious," Restall answered, "ever since you two 'split up', Jan's been stalking around this ship like a madwoman."

"Okay, but…"

"And you've taken no responsibility or tried to do anything to fix it, Kyle, "added Plana. "You're no less a part of this than Jan is. So you're staying in there until the two of you straighten things out… or you kill each other, whichever comes first."

"And what if we don't?" Jan challenged.

"Jan," Restall said somewhat kindly, "because you're my friend, I've kept all the incidents you've been involved in recently off the record. But I can't justify doing that much longer. So unless you and Kyle square things with each other, I'll have no choice but to take this right to Mon Mothma. Do you really want to have to take your chance with her."

Though she wouldn't say it, Jan admitted to herself that she would rather not get the Rebel leader involved. The consequences would likely be quite dire. At the very least Mon Mothma would call for a formal inquiry. The potential penalties included compulsory transfer and imprisonment for up to ten years.

Neither operative spoke for several minutes.

"I think I understand now, "Kyle said, "I'll try, but I can't promise anything."

"We both know that," Plana replied, "Jan, how about you?"

"Fat chance."

Turning from the door, she moved to bench and sat on it once again. Kyle tried to think of something to say and managed.

"So, here we are."

Jan said nothing.

"How's your hand?" he asked, "Does it still hurt?"

She looked up enough to glare at him.

"Are you deaf, Katarn? I told you it was fine. Besides, what do you care?"

"I was just worried you might have broken it and…"

"It's not broken," Jan said, cutting him off, "I just cut myself a little, nothing major."

"Good," Kyel replied, "that's good."

She sniffed derisively. "Like you really care."

"If I didn't," he said, "Why would I ask?"

The merest hint of uncertainty flashed across Jan's face, but then it cemented itself back into the angry glare.

"Just shut up, Katarn," she said, turning away, "I'm going to do my best to pretend you don't exist until we get out of here."

"Um, you did hear Restall, right?" he asked, "He's not letting us out until we resolve things."

"Resolve things," she echoed with a mocking tone, "and what exactly makes you or them think that's gonna happen?"

"Well, the last time we were together, we didn't exactly part on the best of terms," he said, smiling a little.

"You think this is funny, Katarn?" she said fiercely, "Well it isn't."

"No," he admitted, "I don't suppose it is. Sorry about that."

"I don't want your apologies, Katarn, I want your silence."

"If that's what you want, then fine," he said, "but I can ask one last question?"

Jan considered this, then spat, "fine, go ahead."

"Why won't you talk to me?"

This lit a fuse inside her. Standing up, she moved in his direction, stopping about a foot away.

"How dare you ask me that, Katarn. You know exactly why."

He considered this for a moment, the nodded. "I suppose I do, but I don't remember saying we couldn't talk."

"Oh please," Jan said, rolling her eyes, "you as much said it. No more being partners, no more being friends. But we can talk? Explain to me exactly how that works, Katarn."

He lowered his head

"I don't suppose it can."

"Well then, there you have it. So, now don't…"

An idea sprung to him and he spoke before fully considering it

"What if I take it back?"

"Excuse me?" she said, giving him a quizzical look.

"What I take it back, Jan? Take it all back?"

She laughed at him. "And what? You expect me to give you a do-over? What in space is wrong with you, Katarn? It's way too late for any of that. This isn't some kid's game."

He slumped, realizing how foolish his idea had been. "You're right. But Jan, I…"

"What? You what, Katarn? What could you possibly want? You go gallivanting off on some mission, leaving me here to deal with all the, 'gee, Jan, why aren't you and Kyle together?' and 'What happened, Jan? You two were so close'. I'm sick of it, Katarn. And I'm sick of you!"

Anger and frustration suddenly boiling inside him, Kyle rose to his feet in a single motion and looked his former friend right in the eyes.

"Well, if you'd shut up long enough for me to finish, then maybe I could explain!"

"What did you say?"

"You heard me. Look, I know you're upset with me, but if we can't even discuss it, then…"

"I wasn't the one who closed the door, Katarn! That was all you!"

"You hit me! For no reason, you reached out and hit me!"

"I wasn't the one trying to leave. There was more I had to say!"

"More to complain about you mean! You were going on like a madwoman, Jan! I wasn't going to just sit there anymore and take it!"

"Yeah, so you tried to run away and I stopped you."

"Is that what you call it? Well, isn't that helpful? I'll remember it the next time the New Republic has to negotiate with someone!"

"You weren't listening!"

"Neither were you!"

"You didn't have to leave, Katarn! If you had just waited…"

"And what? Listen to you insult and degrade me more? Yeah, I was really gonna keep putting up with that!"

"You deserved it!"

"I deserved it? For pity's sake, Jan, you started it! You were acting like a complete witch!"

Her eyes suddenly went wide.

"What did you call me?"

" I said you were acting like a wit…"

She slapped him, the blow fast and hard, her fingernails digging into the flesh of his cheek, drawing blood. Backing away from the force of the blow, Kyle put a hand to the area. He glared at Jan, who looked as if she couldn't believe what she'd just done.

"So," he said, "we're back to this again. You can't win the argument, so you sucker punch me."

"I… you… we… I… you shouldn't have called me that name, Katarn."

"What, witch?"

He could see her tense and for some reason, felt like pushing things a bit farther.

"Aw, did that bother you? Did I hurt your feelings? Well, good! Now you know how I felt!"

He could see Jan's hands clench into fists, her face becoming a mask of barely repressed rage.

"Shut your mouth, Katarn. Shut it right now or I'll…"

"You'll what?" he challenged.

She launched herself at him, firing a punch right at Kyle's face. His eyes caught it at the last second and he just managed to avoid it. Jan followed up with a kick aimed for Kyle's belly that he also managed to block.

"Not bad," he said, feeling strangely invigorated, watching as she backed away, "but unless you plan on another sneak attack, there's no way you can beat me, Jan."

She let out a yell and came in again, firing a combo of punches, followed by two kicks. Kyle avoided or blocked each one, seeing the frustration in Jan's face, especially when he smiled at her.

"Why don't you fight back?" she suddenly said, "or are you afraid?"

"Of you? Don't make me laugh."

"That's it," she said, "you're afraid of me, aren't you, coward."

Now it was Kyle's turn to be stung. Being called a name like that was one thing he couldn't stand.

"Don't call me that."

"You gonna do something about it?"

"I mean it, Jan."

"So do I, coward."

This time, it was Kyle who intiated the assault, driving in with a fast series of punches that somehow, Jan avoided. He executed a textbook knee lift, but she caught the blow and pushed him away.

"Thought you had me there," she said.

"Talk, or fight," he replied, "don't do both."

"Gladly," she said, moving in again.

As they battled, exchanging kicks and punches, Kyle noticed that Jan also seemed to be enjoying this, but not so much in the context of defeating him. The two had sparred before, testing, correcting and enhancing the other's skills. Right now, Jan looked like she did in the middle of one those matches, enjoying the experience. As they stepped back once more, both breathing heavily, Kyle felt something speak in his mind. It wasn't exactly a voice, but something akin to it. It said to him that this fight was part of his reaching out to Jan. But in order to take the next step, the operative was going to have to do something that went against everything he knew about fighting. With no time to make sure, he decided to trust in what the Force was telling him.

Jan swept in and then, after blocking her first two strikes, Kyle slowed his next block just a bit. The result was that Jan's next kick caught him directly in the stomach. Air exploded out of his lungs from the force of the blow, the pain ripping through him. Then, new pain flared in his middle as Jan's fist drove into his solar plexus. Feeling as if his whole body had suddenly gone numb, Kyle dropped to his knees, clutching himself with both hands, trying to focus despite the agony he felt. And when he looked up, Jan was standing over him, her hands linked together, about to execute an ax-handle smash.

Guess I'll end up being a guest of Sickbay after all.

But just as Jan's linked fists drove down towards him, Kyle somehow moved to the side incrementally. The blow scraped against the side of his head and hit his left shoulder, causing the operative to cry out. He fell that way and landed on the floor. A weight suddenly impacted his chest as Jan straddled him and then he felt the press of Jan's hands on his neck, her thumbs pressing in, cutting off his air supply.

"Jan…" he managed to whisper before his voice was choked off. Amazingly, he could still see and saw Jan's face, suffused with anger, glaring down at him. Then his vision began to tunnel and gray.

Looking down at her opponent, Jan increased the pressure on his neck, determined to finish him off once and for all. Finally, after so much time, so much frustration and pain, she finally had him and would get her revenge! And then he spoke, just barely a whisper, but clear enough that she heard him. And in her mind, something penetrated through her anger and "opened" her eyes.

Oh my… what am I doing?

She yanked her hands away from Kyle's neck, horror stealing over her at what she had done. And for a moment, she fear she had killed him. But then, Kyle coughed twice and sucked in a breath. Feeling paralyzed in her body, she stayed there, watching him.

When his eyes opened, Kyle saw Jan still looking down at him, but her expression was completely different. From where he had seen her looking at him with furious rage, now she looked afraid and concerned. And as her eyes met his, she looked relieved as well. He coughed again.

"Why?" he managed to say.

Seeing his face, Jan felt all the worse for what she had nearly done. True, she was furious with Kyle, but to kill him? How could she justify that? Getting up, she stepped back a little.

"You're not worth it," she said without any real force. But as she started to turn away, Kyle somehow managed to sit up, reaching out and grabbing her hand.

"Let go or lose it, Katarn."

"Wait, Jan, please."

"What?"

"Can we talk now?"

She partly turned so she could look down on him, an expression of incredulity on her face.

"You're not serious."

"I just want to talk, Jan. Please?"

Her eyes bored down into his and for a moment, Kyle was sure she would refuse. But then her expression softened the tiniest bit.

"Just talk?"

"I promise. I don't want to fight anymore."

She chuckled. "It's not like you could if you wanted to."

Despite her outwardly, semi-confident appearance, there was an even bigger fight going on inside her mind.

I shouldn't trust him, not again. He's the one who called things off, the one who walked away. I should just knock him out and be done with it.

But as she looked down at him, Jan knew she couldn't do it.

He says all he wants to do is talk, but why should I? He's just going to bring up the past and I don't want to discuss that! Blast it! If it wasn't for Restall and Plana, I wouldn't have had to even see him. It's not like I even have feelings for him anymore. I can do a lot better than Kyle Katarn. There's plenty of guys on this ship, ones who'll treat me with respect.

But the longer she went on, the more Jan knew she was all but lying to herself.

"Fine," she said finally, "we'll talk. But if you make me mad, I swear I'll…"

"I'll do my best not to," he replied.

"All right, can you get up?"

"I don't think so."

Shaking her head, Jan reached down to take ahold of one of Kyle's arms. As her hands touched the material of his shirt, she experienced a strange sensation. Even through the thick material, she could feel the shape of his arm, the curve of his muscles, the warmth of his skin.

Stop it! Just stop it! What in Xendor's minions am I thinking? He's not my partner anymore; he's not even my friend!

Doing her best to squash the stray thoughts, Jan help Kyle to his feet and ended up guiding him over to the bench where he sat down with a relieved sigh.

"Thank you."

She didn't respond.

This is going to be harder than I thought.

"You going to talk or not?" she prompted.

"Sure," he said, "I'm just not sure where to begin."

"I don't believe you, Katarn! You say you want to talk, and now you don't know what you want to talk about?"

"Well, I…"

She let out a heavy sigh. "Fine, then tell me about your mission to the fuel station. How'd it go?"

"Okay, but not without a few hitches."

The operative began talking, describing the arrival and subsequent debarkation at the fuel station. To his surprise, Jan seemed to listening quite intently as he described moving down the various ramps, finding the new weapon and what it was like to have Luke along.

Jan jumped in. "And what's this thing you found? You called it a 'concussion' rifle?"

Kyle went on to explain how he had gotten the first one and how the weapon worked.

"It's got quite a kick. But you should see how the secondary mode works."

He moved on, telling her of his draining of the fuel tanks and subsequent journey through the maze of fuel pipes.

"Wait a minute. You're telling me you fell in the fuel?"

"Yeah," he said dejectedly.

Jan laughed aloud. "I wish I could have seen that!"

"It wasn't that funny, the stuff got in my eyes and it burned like mad!"

Despite feeling bad for Kyle having endured that, Jan couldn't help but still smile at the mental image.

From exiting the fuel pipes, Kyle described finding the lift that took him and Luke up to the gantry and then on to the ship.

"So you actually boarded the ship then?" she asked.

"Yep."

"So what happened next?"

Kyle continued his tale, telling Jan of how he and Luke found their way inside the ship, dealing with the various situations and eventually finding 8t88's shuttle.

"You caught him?"

"Well not exactly. By the time Luke and I got there, 8t88 was pretty much gone."

"Gone? What do you mean?"

Kyle told her of the two Dark Jedi that had silenced the droid forever and described, in general, the accompanying lightsaber battle along with he and Luke finding their way out of the cargo ship and meeting Wexter. He left out any and all descriptions of his using his Force powers or his slip into the Dark Side.

"I'm amazed you made it back in one piece. I figured you'd be spending another week in Sickbay."

"Believe me, Jan, so did I. But Luke was a lot of help. And, while I hate to admit it, we got lucky a bunch of times."

"So is he going to be your new partner?"

Sensing the intent in the question, Kyle decided to answer it honestly.

"I confess I wouldn't mind having him along. Jan, you should see him. The way he commands the Force and uses that lightsaber of his… he's like a one man squad."

"I see," she said dismally.

"However, it wouldn't work out. Luke's got too many responsibilities on Coruscant and he can't keep avoiding them indefinitely. He did agree to stay here another month and keep advising and training me battle techniques and such, but then he's gone."

"Is that right?"

"Besides," Kyle said hopefully, "he's not you."

Jan felt a sudden increase in her heartbeat and a small sense of victory at hearing this. But just as quickly, she pushed away these feelings. No matter what Kyle said, it didn't change things.

"Well, it sounds like quite a time you had."

Kyle nodded.

"So," she ventured, "is there anything else?"

Looking uncomfortable, Kyle bit his lip, looking away.

"There is one more thing, but you probably won't like it."

"Might as well get it out in the open," she replied.

"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you."

"I don't know how to make this any easier, so I'll just ask. Why did you get so mad at me before we 'split up'?"

Silence descended in the cell as Kyle waited for a response, almost dreading it. Next to him, Jan fought back the anger that had suddenly rose in her, but worked to temper it so she could articulate her feelings. Standing up, she moved to the far side of the cell, then came back to the near side, head turning to look at Kyle, a fierce glare on her face.

"You want to know why I was so mad? Fine! Do you remember what we were discussing at the time?"

Kyle thought about it for a moment, then said, "I remember we were talking about Vinial, and what she did to both of us."

"Well, good to see you recall at least that much! What you may or may not remember is how angry I was at you for getting stabbed. Can you explain exactly why you let Vinial do that to you?"

"Jan, it was a while ago, I don't know if I can…"

She took a step forward and leaned forward so her face was inches from his.

"It wasn't that long ago, Katarn. Surely you haven't been stabbed that many times?"

Realizing that things were already spinning out of control, Kyle did his best to remember what he was feeling when the incident happened.

"Well?"

"Give me a sec, will ya? I… think… I… Vinial was coming… I saw the blade…"

"Katarn…"

"I remember seeing her coming. I thought she might be going for you and I decided to step in. Yeah, that was it, I did it so you wouldn't get stabbed."

"Oh," she said mockingly, "that's it then. That's the reason, packed up all nice and tidy. Is that it, Katarn?"

"I suppose so."

"Well, it isn't, Katarn! You had no right to do that! If Vinial wanted me, I was ready to take her on! And I would've made her eat that kriffing knife! You wouldn't have been stabbed and the situation would have been dealt with. Do you get it?"

"Jan, look, I'm sorry. I didn't have much time to think about what to do. I just… reacted."

"And you think that makes any difference? What am I supposed to do with that, Katarn? It doesn't help me or the situation at hand!"

"Then what do you want me to say, Jan?"

"I want you to explain to me what you were thinking? I mean, what did you think I was supposed to do while you were there on the floor, blade sticking out of your chest, blood all over the floor, dying before my eyes."

"I had to do something, Jan."

"'I had to do something'. Do you have any idea how petty that sounds? Like you were the only capable of making a decision! The only one who could handle things?"

Looking into her face, seeing her expression, hearing her words, Kyle tried to figure it out, to see what it was that he hadn't seen before and what was still so unclear now. He remembered his prayer from before and then, it came to him. It was as if a light suddenly turned on in his mind, exposing the answer, showing him his error. At the same time, a voice whispered the same in his mind. And as he realized the gravity and scope of his error, Kyle felt both ashamed and foolish. How had he not seen this before? It was so clear and so evident. He had seen snippets of it during the mission, the times he had thought about her. It was true that Jan was no less guilty than he, but Kyle realized that he was doing nothing to rectify the matter. If he no longer wished to call her his friend or partner, that was fine. But there was no excuse for the rest. As a fledgling Jedi and more importantly, as a man, he had a responsibility to deal with this matter. He couldn't hide from it any longer. He decided what to do even as Jan was still raging."

"You could've done a dozen other things other than get stabbed. If you'd just…"

"I'm sorry."

What?"

"I'm sorry."

"Not again! I am so sick and tired of your apologies, Katarn! What are you sorry about this time?"

"I'm sorry for getting stabbed. It wasn't fair of me to do that to you, Jan."

Beginning strains of "Fact Fiction" by Mads Langer

She opened her mouth to speak, closed it, opened it again, closed it again.

"I didn't realize what it would do to you, Jan, the emotional pain, the psychological. You're right that I could've done something else, avoided the strike, tried to kick her, or dodge out of the way and let you deal with her."

Imagine a world without me, say you're fallin' apart. Let's pretend you missed me for a while.

Silence reigned for several seconds.

Wouldn't you say you were lone-ly, and love was breaking your heart. Put on your Sunday best and fake a smile.

Kyle continued. "I could have been there with you if I hadn't gotten stabbed. When you found your quarters trashed, I would've been there for you, although I imagine Tinuviel, Nerwen and Wineglass tried their best. It's really weird, Jan. I see it now so clearly that I don't know how I didn't figure it out before. You and I were partners, closer than partners. I didn't stop to consider what my getting hurt would do to you or our relationship."

Feeling absolutely flabbergasted, Jan swayed a bit on her feet, not knowing what to do or say.

"Sit down here, please," Kyle said, standing up and indicating the bench. Moving with almost robot-like gestures, Jan moved to the bench and sat down, her eyes moving to find Kyle, who dropped down to one knee before her. Hoping that his gesture would be received well, he reached and took one of Jan's hands in both of his.

"Jan, I'm so very sorry for doing this to you. The whole thing happened so quick; but you're right that I made the wrong decision. I had no right to hurt you like this."

"Kyle," she whispered; her face still blank.

"Please," he said earnestly, "will you forgive me?"

I dream of dreaming dreams of her, in twilight she's a constant blur. The picture's clear and I'm still fact, she's fiction.

"What?" she whispered.

"I meant what I said earlier, Jan. I want to take it all back. I want to forget it ever happened."

She shook her head violently. "I can't, Katarn. I can't just pretend. Neither can you."

"Then let's pick up the pieces and start again, Jan, please."

Remember the night you were with me, fell asleep by my side. Strainin' just to get your hand in mine. How come we never get closer when all the stars were aligned? I thought we had it a moment.

I dream of dreaming dreams of her, in twilight she's a constant blur. The picture's clear and I'm still fact, she's fiction.

Again she shook her head.

"Don't shake your head at men, Jan. Don't tell me no like that."

"You said you hated me, Kyle. How can we get past that?"

I seem to miss the missing part, she's still my favorite work of art. But the picture's clear and I'm still fact, she's fiction.

"Jan, I was angry and upset. I didn't know what I was saying. I never hated you. I never could hate you."

"And the rest?"

"I can't pretend either, Jan, you're right. I said some terrible things to you and I wish I hadn't, but I did. All I can really do now is tell you how sorry I am and ask you to forgive me."

I fell in love with her longing, let's just she never found out, who it was she never found in me.

Jan felt almost paralyzed. She wanted to speak, she wanted to yell, to scream, to do... something. But her mind seemed at a loss as to what to or say. Her anger was still there, red hot and waiting, but something else had supplanted it. What it was, hope, belief, desire she couldn't say. But she did know this much. She wanted to hear more.

"Kyle?"

"Yes Jan?"

"Can you please get us out of here? I… want to talk… some more, but not here."

She nearly melted as he smiled at her, a smile she knew so well and for the first time in a while, was welcoming.

"Just give me a sec ," he said, gently releasing her hand and standing up.

"Restall, Plana, can you hear me?"

There was a pause and then the golden-skinned man's voice came through.

"Is everything all right in there, Kyle? We've heard some noises."

"I would say all right just yet, but things aren't the same as before. Listen Restall, can we please get out of here?"

"Have you two settled things?"

"Not quite yet."

"I'm sorry, Kyle, I can't…"

"Restall, open the door, just a little, please?"

There was a pause and then the door in front of Kyle opened just enough that the operative could partly could the large man's face.

Lowering his voice, Kyle spoke. "Look, I think I've gotten through to her, a least somewhat. She's asking to leave here so we can talk more."

"And what about you?"

"Restall, there's a longer tale to this that I'll need to tell you later. And I owe both you and Plana an apology, but right now I need to focus on Jan.

The golden-skinned man looked deeply into Kyle's eyes for a number of seconds.

"Hold on," he said, shutting the door. There was another, longer pause and then the door before Kyle opened all the way, spilling light into the cell. Moving back over to where Jan was, Kyle extended a hand.

"We can go now."

Jan looked at his hand for several seconds, then stood up without taking it.

Guess it's too soon, he thought.

Turning round, he walked out the door with Jan right behind him. As they stepped into the room outside the cell, the operatives found Plana and Restall watching them both warily, but with expressions of hope on their faces as well.

"So, what's the plan?" Restall asked.

"You remember the maintenance hatch from before?"

"The one where Vinial…?"

"That's the one. We'll be going there."

"You sure about this, Kyle? She could bolt, maybe make it to the hangar bay and…"

"I won't bolt, Restall," Jan said quietly.

Hearing her voice, spoken with little energy or animation, the security officer still didn't look quite convinced, but nodded at Kyle nonetheless.

"Thanks."

And together, the two operatives filed out of the room and into the corridor.

"I sure hope we did the right thing," Restall said after the pair had left.

"I hope so too," Plana echoed, "but something did happen. Did you see the two of them?"

"I sure did. Jan looked like all her energy had just been zapped away. And Kyle, something was different with as well."

Plana nodded. "I sure hope those two make up."

"Me too."

New Republic Command Ship Intrepid

Maintenance Hatch #14

Several Minutes later

"We're here, Jan."

Wordlessly, she moved past Kyle and took a seat near the viewport. He joined her there a few seconds later.

"Been a while since I saw the view from here," she muttered.

"Me too."

Silence fell among them for a number of minutes.

"Kyle?" Jan suddenly said, "I have to ask you something. Did you really mean what you said back in the cell?"

"You mean admitting my mistake and apologizing? Jan, I was never more serious."

"I was so scared that day when I saw you lying there that day. You didn't move, you didn't speak, I thought you were dead."

Kyle tried to speak, but couldn't find the words.

"I knew Doctor Berth would take good care of you and when I learned you had survived the first night, I felt a lot better. But then, my room… my pictures… my stuff… all of it destroyed."

Hearing the emotion in her words, Kyle quickly moved in front of her, dropping to one knee as he had before. He was in the process of reaching for her hand when Jan grabbed his. She was trembling.

"I didn't know what to do, I couldn't think. It was like seeing Alderaan blow up all over again, my parents, my people, all gone."

Kyle opened his mouth to comfort her, but could find no words, and so settled for gently squeezing her hand.

"I scream and I raged. I had no one to help me. And you, you were in no shape…"

"I'm sorry, Jan. I should've been there."

"I needed you, Kyle. I needed you to be there, to hold me and tell me it would be all right. But you weren't there; you were gone and I was… alone."

Kyle closed his eyes as his lip began to tremble, feeling all the more wretched as Jan spoke.

"Tinuviel, Nerwen, Wineglass, they did what they could, and I couldn't be more grateful to them. But it wasn't the same. No matter what they said, no matter what they did, it wasn't the same as having you there."

"Jan, I…"

"I know you did what you did to protect me. But it hurt me, Kyle. It hurt me more than any physical act could have. I saw that blade go into you and watched you fall. I didn't believe it at first and then the blood…"

Again, Kyle tried to speak, but no words would come.

"I tried to understand it, tried to figure out what I'd do if you died. I kept telling myself you'd be okay, that you'd been through worse, and you always survived. But as time went on and I didn't see you or hear from you, I…"

"Jan, please don't…"

"NO! I've got to say this! It's been brewing inside me for so long. I've got to get it out. I started to doubt, Kyle. Started to doubt you, started to doubt your feelings for me, started to doubt that you really cared for me. And the more I thought about it, the angrier I got."

"So, that was it," he said.

"I was so mad at you, so angry and upset that you'd done this; had left me like this. And then, when you got out of Sickbay, you acted like nothing had happened, like it was no big deal, just a walk in the park."

"I didn't mean to."

"But that's how I saw it! You conducted your business, took your meals and just went on about your life like everything was normal."

"And all during that time, you thought I was rejecting your feelings, acting like I didn't care."

"YES! Don't you see? Even with the mistake about the messages, I thought you had done that on purpose. And then, that day on the bridge…"

"I added insult to injury."

She nodded. "You walked in, looking so happy and carefree. Even the smile you gave me, it felt like something else."

"Like I didn't care."

"Exactly! You seemed not to be caring about anything that I had gone through and you expected me to feel and act the same way. I couldn't, Kyle, I just couldn't."

Kyle was shaking his head.

"And I was so blind that I didn't see what was right in front of me."

"When we came here before," Jan said, "I just couldn't take it anymore, couldn't hold it back one more minute. And then it happened."

"Jan, I am so sorry. If I'd known…"

"So tell me why, Kyle! Tell me why you could act like that. How you could not see what I was feeling and just go on like nothing had happened?"

"Hang on sec, I need to move a bit, my leg's falling asleep."

The faintest of giggles escaped Jan's mouth as Kyle noisily shifted, placing himself in the lotus position on the floor.

"You want to know why, Jan? Then I'll tell you as best I can. It might be difficult to understand, you kind of have to put your feet in my shoes to get it. You already know my history as a student at the Academy and what happened aboard the Queen of Empire?"

Jan nodded.

"When you showed me that tape, Jan, of the attack on Sulon and what was done to… my father, I felt as if my whole world had just shattered. Everything I knew and had believed up to that point was turned on its ear. I didn't know what or who to believe, what was true and what wasn't. I lost everything that day, much as you had with Alderaan, my father, my home, but also my understanding of things, my confidence in what I knew. All of it was thrown into chaos and I was left to try and pick up the pieces. You could almost say part of me died that day. What was left came with you and the others."

"But I thought you wanted to come with us."

"I did, Jan, but that's not the point. In the space of a day, I went from being a bright and upcoming Academy student to a wanted fugitive with a 'shoot on sight' death warrant. So, please understand I know something of what you felt when Alderaan was destroyed."

"Okay, but I still don't understand."

"Well, that's 'cause I'm not finished. I came here and started working for Mon Mothma. I got to know people and started making friends, but I never let myself get but so close to any of them, well except for you. And you wanna know why?"

"Of course."

"Because, Jan, I didn't want the burden of getting to know people again and then having to say goodbye to them. The Rebellion was still at war with the Empire then and we pretty much lived day-to-day, hoping against hope that a squadron of Star Destroyers wouldn't drop out of hyperspace into our path and slaughter us all. I avoided getting close to people because I didn't want to deal with the pain of losing them. As for my own life, I really didn't care that much. I had nothing to live for then, so if I died, so what? Who would miss me, who would care?"

"I would," Jan whispered and somehow Kyle heard her.

"But you see, Jan, you and the people aboard this ship have a rather insidious and sneaky way of getting to a guy, almost forcing him to get close, to know you as individuals and not just as the people around him. You especially have this way of worming yourself into people's lives. You're quite good at it."

Jan gave off a small laugh.

"But then came the missions, and we both know how some of those went. I started actually wanting to live because, despite my best intentions, I found I had something to live for."

Jan was tempted to ask who or what that was, but remained silent.

"But despite all these changes in me, Jan, the old habits and methods are hard to break. And a lot of times, it makes me appear to be unconcerned, uncaring, heck practically callous about the prospect of my own death. Believe me, Jan, I don't want to die. But at the same time, I've grown to feel that if my life is given that someone else might live, then it's a worthwhile sacrifice. The problem is, I've forgotten another important point, and that's the effect my death would have on others. That's why I feel so foolish and stupid right now. It's such an obvious thing and yet I was completely blind to it."

"Don't forget boneheaded," she muttered.

"Okay," he said, shrugging.

"Thickheaded."

"Uh-huh."

"Brainless."

"That too."

"Insensitive."

"I get it already, Jan, okay?"

He moved back to one knee again and reached for her hand.

"I know nothing I say can make up for what's happened. But please, Jan, I beg you. Please forgive me."

Jan sat there, her mind processing and comprehending the words Kyle had said. And then, she felt something in her chest. It was like something in there that was cracking, then shattering, then disappearing from around her heart. And what remained…

"Kyle, I… I don't what to say. Thank you for telling me. I had no idea."

"The blame here is all mine, Jan. I can't just live for myself anymore, I've got to think of others, especially you."

This sent such a shock wave racing up Jan's spine and into her heart that she nearly reacted physically. It was as if a great mound of frozen snow around her heart was melting.

"Jan, please, I…"

"Kyle, please stop. I've heard what you said. But I need time… I need to think… this is all…

"You're right, I'm sorry. I'm pushing. It's just that I felt like I had to make up for this, Jan, and make up to you as well. But, I'm not gonna force you. Take as much time as you need."

"Thank you."

"Look," he said, letting go of her hand and standing up, "we've both been through a lot here. I'm going to head back to my quarters right after I get something to eat. If, I mean when you want to talk, call me whenever."

Turning round, he began to stride away and watching him go, Jan felt as if he might be right, she needed time. But on top of that came such a strong sensation that she couldn't ignore it. Too much time had already been wasted. Walking away, Kyle felt both sad and happy, sad over what he had done to Jan, but at the same time happy that she had talked, had listened to him. Maybe, later on, they might…

No, she thought,I've wasted enough time with my foolish anger. I'm not going to waste any more.

"Oof!"

Air escaped Kyle's lungs in a sudden exhalation as something hit him from behind. He had a nightmare flash of Jan throwing something at him, but then felt the weight on his back and the sensation of hands reaching around his sides and touching just below his chest.

"Jan?"

"Don't go," she said, her voice slightly muffled from where her face was planted against his back. "Please, Kyle, don't leave me here. I don't want to be alone."

"Well, okay, but I thought you wanted time to…"

"I've had time and time again while you were gone on your mission, Kyle. Please, would you let me stay like this for a bit?"

"If that's what you want," he said.

Tightening her grip on him, Jan smiled into his back.

They stayed this way for many minutes, neither of them wanting to move, each of them enjoying the warmth and feel of the other. Kyle closed his eyes and let himself feel the touch of Jan's hands, her arms, her body against his back.

How could I have ever said I hated her? I was such a fool.

Jan too, had her eyes closed as she remembered a time like this before and how it felt to hold Kyle, laying her head against the curve of his back, feeling the strength in his muscles.

How could I have ever said I didn't need him? I was such a fool.

"Kyle?" Jan said after a time.

"Yes, Jan?"

"My feet are starting to hurt. Can we sit down?"

"Sure."

Reluctantly letting go of each other, the two moved towards the bench seat by the viewport.

"You first," Jan said.

Beginning strains of All in All by Lifehouse

"Okay," Kyle said, sitting down. And before he could so much as utter a surprised noise, Jan placed herself right in his lap, letting her legs dangled off to Kyle's left.

"Hey! What the! Jan! What in heaven's name are you doing?"

All night, staring at the ceiling, counting for minutes I've been feeling this way, so far away and so alone

"I'm sitting down," she said simply, "you have a problem with that?"

But you know its alright, I came to my senses, letting go of my defenses, there's no way I'm giving up this time.

"Well no, not necessarily, it's just…"

"Oh, so you don't want to be close to me, is that it?

Yeah you know I'm right here, and I'm not losing you this time

"No, it's not that at all, Jan. I just…"

"Katarn?"

"Yes, Jan?"

"Shut up and kiss me."

"Yes, Jan."

And as their lips touched, both Jan and Kyle felt a strong sensation as what remained of the ice that had covered their hearts, had frozen their feelings for each other, had caused this terrible separation, began to shift, then crack and finally shatter. The remnants disappeared into ether and all that was left was two burning hearts, yearning for each other.

And I'm all in, nothing left to hide, I'm falling harder than a landslide, I spent a week away from you last night. And now I'm calling, calling out your name, even if I lose the game, I'm all in, I'm all in tonight. Yeah, I'm all in, I'm all in for life.

Jan wrapped an arm about Kyle's neck, pulling him closer as he encircled her with both of his, the two of them luxuriating in the feel of each other, lips pressed firmly together, hearts and minds crying out in joy at being together again. Emotions rose, crested and overrode their banks as both operative's felt each other's tears. Lips parting, they looked at each other.

"You're crying, Jan."

"So are you. Never knew you were such a crybaby, Katarn."

There's no taking back what we've got. It's too strong, we've had each other's back for too long, there's no breaking up this time.

"Ors?"

"What, Katarn?"

"Shut up."

And you know it's okay, I came to my senses, letting of my defenses. There's no way I'm giving up this time.

Kyle felt his heart soar as Jan smiled at him, a genuine, beatific smile that said a thousand things without a single word. Their lips came together again and both allowed their tears of joy to flow freely.

Letting their emotions take control, the operatives began to move their hands, touching and caressing different places. Jan took Kyle's face in both her hands, feeling the soft touch of his beard. His hands moved up and down her back, then one hand reached up to touch her hair.

"Yowch!" Kyle cried, inadvertently breaking the kiss.

"What happened?" Jan said, concerned.

"Don't know, I was just touching your hair and something stuck me."

Letting go of his face, Jan reached up and then smiled. "Sorry, that's one of my hair clips, the end's sticking out."

"Y'know," Kyle said, "I don't know if I mentioned this before, but you have really beautiful hair, Jan."

"Sure," she said, "When it's not flying around in every direction."

"No, I'm serious. It's gorgeous."

Cheeks coloring at Kyle's words, Jan reached and began working with her hands.

"What are you doing?"

"Letting you have the full experience," she said, undoing the clips and combs, dropping them onto the bench. Once the last one was extricated, Jan threw hear head forward, then back, her hair spreading out in a long, brown river. Kyle watched this, fascinated as the last of it settled and Jan looked at him.

"So, whaddya think?"

"Jan… you're beautiful."

Her cheeks reddened even more.

"Quit looking at me that way."

"Huh? Looking at you what way?"

"The way you're looking at me right now, Katarn."

He began to make faces, saying, "You mean this look? Or is it this one? Or maybe this? Let me know when I get it, okay?"

He only stopped when Jan slapped him soundly on the chest.

"Ow! Hey! What was that for?"

"You can be a real dope sometimes, Katarn."

"But you like me anyway."

"Don't push your luck."

"Not even a teensy little bit?"

She raised her hand again.

"Hey! Not the face! Not the face!"

Unable to hold it in any longer, Jan fell against him laughing, Kyle hugged her tightly, letting his hands roam through her hair.

"Mmmm," Jan purred, "that feels good."

And then they kissed again. Their hands continued to explore each other, making each let out small sounds of delight. And then, it happened.

"Whoa!" Jan said.

"Oh Sithspit!" Kyle yelled, "Jan, I'm sorry."

So impassioned had the operative become that he had accidentally (or perhaps not) let his hand slip too low and touch Jan's gluteus maximus.

"It's okay," she said soothingly, "you just startled me is all."

"No," Kyle said, looking miserable, "that was a terrible thing I did. I'm really sorry, Jan."

"Kyle, it's okay, really. If I didn't want you to, I would have said something."

"Yeah, but, it was still wrong. I mean, a guy shouldn't just paw a woman at will. He should know better."

"Well listen to you, "she said, "When did you get so proper?"

"It's not necessarily about propriety, Jan. Father and Mother both taught me about respect, especially about respect to women."

"Well, I told you it's okay, so what's the problem?"

"It's just… I… I didn't… I don't…"

As his cheeks reddened, Jan couldn't help but laugh.

"Well, Kyle Katarn! I do believe you're just a bit shy, aren't you?"

"So what if I am?" he said defensively.

She gently caressed his face.

"It's all right, Kyle. If anything, knowing this about you makes you kinda cute."

"Oh great," he said sarcastically, "Just what I've always wanted to be."

"Relax, "Jan said, "It also makes you even more attractive."

"Oh."

"So come here and kiss me. And don't worry this time, okay?"

Now I'm calling, calling out your name.

Even with that said, Kyle still was hesitant.

Even if I lose the game

"I just don't know, Jan. It's…"

"Oh fine," she said, "here."

Taking his left hand, she placed it atop her thigh.

"Okay?"

His smile was all the answer she needed.

I'm all in, I'm all in for life.

As their lips came together again, Jan placed both her hands against Kyle's chest, rubbing it as he moved his hand across and up and down, eliciting a small moan from her.

"Not bad there, Katarn."

"Thanks."

She hugged him tightly, burying her face in his chest. "I really missed you, Kyle."

"I missed you too, Katarn. And I thought about something on that mission. Jan, I lo…"

She placed a finger against his lips and shook her head.

"But why?"

"Jerec's still out there and so is the Valley, Kyle. There's a lot more work for both of us to do. Let's wait till all of this is over, and then you can tell me what you were about to say, all right?"

"If that's what you want."

"Good, because I don't want anything to spoil this moment," she said, leaning against him again.

"Neither do I…. partner."

Jan turned to look up at him, her smile wide and genuine, tears filling her eyes.

"Oh, you sweet, sweet man," she said, moving up to kiss him, "sometimes you know just the right thing to say."

And then she was kissing him, pulling him close, luxuriating in the feel of her body against his and delighting in their reunion.

"Hold me, Kyle," she said between breaths, "hold me close."

"Anything you say, Jan."

His arms wrapped around her, their warmth spreading across her and as their kiss deepened, both Jan and Kyle knew that it was right, they were meant to be together and inasmuch as they could, no one would ever separate them again.