Luke
Can't Stand It- Never Shout Never
I'd never been in a real relationship.
All throughout high school, I'd date a girl for a week. Then, it'd be over.
But there I was, not even dating Riley, and I felt like I was in a relationship. Which was funny, because I wasn't panicking. Everything felt right.
It was mid December. Christmas season was up in full swing, meaning the bookstore was crowded a lot of the time, meaning I worked. A lot.
Riley and Jess were edging towards winter break, but they had mid terms so even when I did see Riley in the evenings, she was studying.
I'd slept over a couple of times. We hadn't done anything, obviously, but it was relaxing. For the night, we'd just lay there, listening to each other breathe and recharge. I can't describe it the way I want to, because it's something you have to experience for yourself to understand.
Our families were catching on that something was up. We still argued, but it was always settled pretty fast. We always were at each other's houses, whenever the other person was home. I wouldn't talk about her to my parents; and she wouldn't talk to hers about me.
She was changing me, making me feel different. I didn't think about leaving as much, and always had her in my thoughts. I didn't know where we were going, but she always seemed to know exactly what was going to happen. It drove me crazy, but was addicting.
My favorite day was the last Friday before their winter break would start. I had worked until five, and Riley was supposed to be at Brooke's after school until the next day, coming home at noon, when I would work from 10-6.
I'd come home and dialed up Toni's, ordering a huge pizza. Dad's work had a Christmas banquet, so the two of them wouldn't be home.
After changing into a pair of sweatpants & T-shirt, and flipping the TV onto Die Hard, the pizza came and I was all good.
It'd been a long day. Sue me.
An hour into the movie, someone knocked on the door and it opened.
Riley walked in, smiling. "Hey stranger."
I moved over to her and kissed her quickly.
"What're you doing here? I thought you were going to Brooke's."
"Her brother surprised them and is visiting them for the weekend, so I decided to come home."
I gave her a big smiled and kissed her again, this time picking her up.
"Why do you taste like pizza?" She laughed and wrapped around my neck. I walked back over to the couch, showing her the box.
"So what'd you wanna do?" I said, heading back to my room to get changed. Surprisingly, she followed.
"It's nice out," She pointed out. "We could go into town."
I made a face and reached in my drawer for a pair of jeans.
"Babe, I've been in town all day."
She laid down on my bed, her face buried in my pillow.
"We could go on a drive."
I pulled off my shirt and leaned against my dresser for a second. "I know. Go to your place and get in some warm clothes."
She looked at me strangely. "What are we gonna do?"
"Trust me." I said, pulling a thin, white shirt on to wear under my hoodie. She gave me a small smiled before heading over to her place.
She was gonna love this.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
And I was right.
She sat next to me on the rickety old bench, wide eyed at the sun.
"This place is incredible."
I nodded, watching the lake in front of us make these perfect waves up on the grass lining it. It was called Ogle for a reason.
"How long have you known about this place?" She asked. I shrugged, looking around.
"Remember that time when we had that big fight after Jess's 10th birthday party, and everyone got mad?"
She nodded.
"I came here. I parked my car in that place," I pointed to the spot on the end. "And I stayed up all night."
"That was the first time you left."
It took me a minute to recognize the pain in her voice.
"That was back when you didn't care though." I pointed out. "Back when I didn't care."
With a nervous sigh, she shook her head. "Just because I didn't like you doesn't mean I didn't care. It hurt, you know? I was thinking, 'it's my fault.' The whole time."
"It was never your fault."
"Maybe it was."
"I never blamed you for anything I did. What I did… it was a problem. It was my fault for letting it get bad."
"I pushed you too hard."
She had tears in her eyes, but couldn't look at me. I hated that she couldn't look at me.
"If we hadn't fought, maybe you wouldn't have tried to kill yourself."
I let out a slow, deep breath and wrapped my arms around her.
"I just- I know I pushed you over the edge," She continued. "It was my fault."
God, Riley. I wished I could've made you understand. It was never your fault. Never.
"Please say something." She said. I shook my head.
"I don't know what to say. It just wasn't you. It was me. I wasn't strong, I was a coward. I wasn't brave. I didn't want to face my problems, so I tried something stupid."
I moved in front of her, kneeling in front of her.
"I've never been more thankful that I was wrong."
She ran her fingers through my hair, and touched my neck. I closed my eyes and wished I could make her be happy again.
But we just sat there, fingers crossing and forehead touching, both living under shadows that we didn't know existed.
A/N
I KNOW. I know, I suck. A lot.
I had a snow day on Tuesday, and I was totally ready to post, but I got in a fight with my sister over a cookie sheet and long story short, my laptop got taken away until today. So sorry! I'm getting ready to post the next chapter in 3 seconds, I swear. Love you! Review!
-Icy