A/N: Merry Day-after-Christmas! I seriously meant to upload this a while ago, but shit happens, right? Look, Emberly, my longest chapter (wow this is kinda sad)! I'm a shit writer, and I know it. It's my first FanFic. One day I'll go back and re-do these chapters. But til then...

This road trip was getting hella boring. In fact, I fell asleep twice. I was nodding off to sleep again when the car stopped.

"Bast!? Where are we?" I yelled, referring to the fact that we were being surrounded by dairy cows. A cat started mewing. "Uh..." she looked at her map. "Idaho?"

"Idaho..." I said, trying to remember which state was where. Sheesh, America is so complicated. "But we were in New York! How did we get from New York to.. Idaho?"

"Long story. It involved the Duat, Anubis, and the loss of Sir Fluffykins." she said, sniffing bit.

"Wait, wait. Anubis was here? In the car?" I asked. She nodded.

"I stopped to visit Tawaret, which is something I usually don't do. Anubis was there. I dunno why though, I didn't ask." she sighed. "And then... Sir Fluffykins..."

"Bast, it's okay. Wherever he is, he is thinking of you." I said. "Or something."

She said thanks. Huh. I'm good at making people feel good! Cows were still mooing outside the car.

"How long until this cow gang goes away?" I asked, after a few minutes of relative silence.

"I don't know! I'm not the goddess of cows!" Bast yelled. She seemed ticked off about something or other.

"Well, who is?!" I asked. Bast mumbled under her breath, "...dumb-ass Hathor..."

"Maybe I can't hear you good, but did you say Thor? As in big Norwegian god played by Chris Hemsworth?" I asked her.

"Thor? Oh, no no no. Us Egyptians don't... associate well with the Norwegians. No, I said Hathor, goddess of cows." she explained. Huh. There's an actual goddess of cows. Who knew? Well, at least now I can get that image of Thor riding a giant beef cow out of my head.

"Well, can't you call her up or something? You must be able to use your godly magicks some how, right?" I suggested.

"Hathor? Okay..." she opened her iPhone, pressed a button. Bast has freakin' gods on speed dial...

"Hathor?" asked Bast. "Yeah okay whatever, just come get your cows alright? I don't want to have to fight them or anything." From the backseat I could hear what sounded like yelling. "It was a joke, I wasn't going to really kill these cows." She put Hathor on hold. "What state are we in, Sadie?"

"Idaho?" I asked.

"Idaho." she said into the phone. "Are you so sure about that?... Alright." she handed the phone to me. "Apparently Hathor wants to talk to you."

Aw hell. What did I do this time?

"Hullo." I said.

"Hello." Hathor said. Her voice was soothing. "You're with Bast, aren't you?"

"Yeah..." I said.

"Oh you poor thing! What has she done to you?"

"Uh..." was all I could say.

"Tefnut was just telling me last week. 'Oh that Bast. She's so... weird, ya know? And she's at the 21st Nome in Brooklyn! Those poor children!" Obviously Bast didn't get along the best with others. Best role model ever, right?

"Look, Hathor, I don't know who this Tough-nut lady is, but tell her that Bast isn't as bad as you think." I snapped at her, which probably wasn't the best idea in the world.

"It's Tefnut, not Tough-nut. You don't want me to tell her anything! Look, I'll cut you a deal. If you can move all the cows back onto the fields and out of the roads, I won't tell Tefnut a thing. And if you see her, well, try not to rain on Tefnut's parade." she said. Hathor sounds like one of those jazz announcers. 'Up next will be so-and-so performing blah-and-blah.'

"Okay. Deal!" I said. Bast's eyes widened. I handed her the phone, but by then Hathor had already hung up. Bast jumped to the back seat, careful not to sit on any cats.

"You made a bet? With Hathor? About Tefnut?" Bast asked me.

"No. I made it because of Tefnut, not about her." I said simply. "Look, I got this. They're cows. I'll just magic these bitches back onto the fields. How hard could it be?"

Bast sighed. "Oh Sadie. You have no idea."

A/N: So much research went into the making of this chapter! I even found out the correct pronounciation of Tefnut (It's not [tef nut], it's actually [tef noot]). Well, R&R, please!