When Hate is all You Have Left

Insanity: a mental illness of such severe nature that a person cannot distinguish fantasy from reality, cannot conduct her/his affairs due to psychosis, or is subject to uncontrollable impulsive behavior. A deranged state of mind sometimes brought about by physical or psychological trauma.

xxx

She'd never recall the exact moment she snapped, when all logic and reason slowly faded away. She'd ignored the signs for weeks, the whispering at night, the uncontrollable sobbing followed by fits of laughter. She claimed herself mission ready, until the nausea and fatigue set in. Weeks after Wally's death she still immersed herself in every mission Kaldur would assign, followed by patrolling solo into the early morning hours, anything to keep her mind busy and her body strong. She was a tough as they come; she had to be coming from the nightmare of a childhood she was raised in. This wouldn't break her, nothing could.

After weeks of illness and Zatanna's constant nagging, the archer finally relented and arrived at the doctor's office. A few antibiotics, a day or two of rest and she'd be good as new, ready to hit the streets and dispense the justice criminal's deserved. That's when she found out about the pregnancy, six days later she lost the baby.

She told no one, busying herself with the new apartment, unpacking her personal effects that had been boxed up for too long. She separated their belongings, placing Wally's into a separate box that she would eventually take to the West's when she was ready. She'd never tell them about the baby, it would destroy them.

She found his favorite jacket, brought it to her face to inhale his scent one final time before she packed it away forever. As she folded it, a small gray box fell from the jacket pocket, the one he intended to give her at missions end, the one with the diamond ring inside, soon after the voices arrived.

She'd stay awake at night asking herself the same questions. Why had Dick chosen her? Megan with her shape shifting abilities and telepathy would have been a more logical choice. Wally had argued that tooth and nail with Nightwing, but Dick insisted Artemis was the only one who could pull it off.

The mission was only supposed to last for a few weeks, but Nightwing kept extending it longer and longer as Kaldur's discoveries provided more and more intel on the Reach. When Deathstroke arrived, she knew she'd never be able to leave. She was in too deep.

She began to wonder if Dick had meant to do this along. A punishment of some kind for taking his best friend out of his life and out of the game, his unwillingness to put Barbara or Zatanna's life at risk while hers was considered expendable, or perhaps knowing if she was discovered, no amount of torture could force her to betray her friends and teammates. It was always to be a one way trip, a suicide mission, she realized that now. Dick had lied from the beginning up to the moment he shoveled the last bit of dirt onto Wally's grave.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Weeks later Dick began leaving urgent cryptic messages, saying he desperately needed to talk to her. Just like last time. She was stunned he had the gall. They needed to meet as soon as possible he implored. Ironically that was her plan all along.

The voices grew louder, each conspiracy theory becoming more absurd then the last. In the final moments before Artemis lost touch with reality, she finally knew exactly what she had to do.

xxx

"Where is he? Where is he God Damnit. Show yourself you son of a bitch," she demanded. The figure in black body armor stepped to the forefront, moving past his startled teammates.

"Let him go…please."

Tigress let out a deranged laugh. "Sure. Then you'll do some grand heroic gesture and offer to take his place right? Fuck you Dick. You're going to hurt. Hurt like I hurt. I only wish I could have found that red headed bitch first, make this even more personal."

She had slipped in through the night. After all his direct attempts to contact her had been ignored, he reached out through back channels, pleading for a face to face…alone. Just like last time. Unbeknownst to him, she's been searching Gotham for days looking for her. When Tigress bypassed the security system of their new base, Batgirl was the first one she sought out, but she wasn't at their headquarters that night, so the child would just have to take her place.

"Artemis..."

"Tigress'" she hissed.

"Tigress," Nightwing calmly continued, "Robin didn't do anything. Don't punish him for what I did."

"That's just it. I'm not punishing him, I'm punishing you" she said holding the razor sharp blade closer to the young hero's jugular. "I'm freeing him, freeing him from you and your toxic friendship."

The rest of the team slowly moved forward as Tigress maneuvered herself skillfully around them. She had no exit strategy; she had no need for one.

"I can't see you, you Martian bitch, but the moment my brain tingles I'll slice this orphan bastard's head right off his shoulders, then you can do anything you want. Lobotomize me like you did everyone else. I never expected to live long after this anyway," she laughed.

"Artemis..."

"Tigress!" she screamed on the verge of a total breakdown. "Artemis is dead, just like he's about to be. Just like the one you took from me. Everything was perfect before you came. He begged me not to go. He begged you not to ask. Some fucking friend. You killed him you son of a botch, your best fucking friend. He trusted you and so did I. God I was so stupid. I was supposed to protect him. He was...everything," she whimpered, temporarily lucid.

"Artemis please stop and think for a minute," Dick spoke calmly, "Kaldur didn't…."

"Kaldur got what he deserved you prick. I just wished you'd been inside the cave when I blew it up." Suddenly her words caused her pause, like she was hearing them for the first time. "I…I blew it up?" she asked quietly to herself, disbelievingly.

Dick took a step closer when she snarled and her mission came back to her. "I should have killed you when I had the chance, but Drake here will have to do."

She knew where everyone stood, noticing even their slightest movements. The moment someone made a mistake, she would make them pay. Her training was unmatched. She was deadly, but she knew the sheer numbers were against her. Tigress had faith in herself that she could take three or four of them with her before she died, but the most important thing was he'd suffer, he'd pay for what he'd done to her.

Behind her the Zeta Tube suddenly sprang to life. She slid her hand down to her belt, unlocking the crossbow while keeping the blade resting against Robin's jugular. Drake was good, but not that good. If he flinched she would rip the artery open and use him as shield while the others attacked. She spun to face the newest arrival.

Recognize Kid Flash B-03 - Inactive.

Tigress laughed as the figure stepped out of the light, looking at her solemnly.

"Nice job J'onn, even got his eyes right too."

The red headed figure stood on the platform for moments, leaning heavily on a walking cane, staring at the blonde with a mixture of relief and sadness. He struggled down the stairs until he was on the main floor with her and the rest of his old teammates.

"Artemis let him go," the speedster implored.

"Fuck you J'onn or is it M'gann, whichever the hell one you are, all you slimy aliens look the same to me. Still following that selfish prick's orders I see. Don't you realize what he's done, what he'll do to you too?"

"Artemis, listen to me beautiful, I'm alive, I'll explain everything, but I need you to put the knife down babe. I've been trying to find you for weeks. Why did you leave Palo?"

"He's dead you sick fuck," Tigress spit through gritted teeth. "He's not the one who should have died," she hissed glaring with hate filled eyes at Nightwing before whirling back to the imposter. "Change your shape you fucking coward. How dare you disgrace him like this!"

"Artemis..."

"Tigress!" she shrieked with all the pain of a whaling banshee.

Wally ignored the codename. "Artemis look at me," he begged, "Look…at…me. I'm alive, I'm right here. Let Tim go and I'll explain everything. Please babe."

"Don't you dare talk like him, like you know one fucking thing about him or me."

The redhead leaned heavily on his cane as he hobbled towards her, a noticeably painful limp now part of his gate, the damage of his return on display for all to see. The assassin held the knife closer to Robin's throat.

"Take one more step and I'll kill him. There will be blood everywhere," she said with a venomous grin.

"Artemis let him go now!" he demanded in a voice that rocked her to her core.

The alien was talented she smiled .

"Why don't you speed over here and stop me?" she arrogantly smirked. "Can't fake that can you? you Martian fuck," the chill in her voice echoing throughout the cave.

"I can't," he murmured in pain, momentarily loosing himself in defeat "It's gone. My speed's gone; it was the only way I could get back."

"Very fucking convenient Martian, Do you think I'm really that God Damn stupid?"

"It's not convenient at all!" he snapped, wincing in pain as he staggered closer. "It's gone and it's never coming back," he said calming himself, resigned to his new reality, his new existence, "but it doesn't matter anymore. I'm here."

Wally continued moving towards her carefully as the team began filing away slowly, following Nightwing's lead. She knew the ploy all too well, but the illusion of him disturbed her just the same. "Stay the fuck away from me!"

"Artemis!" He raised his voice for the first time. "This is not you. We moved past this years ago. I need you to come back to me."

"You don't know shit about me! None of you do!" she screamed.

"Don't you dare talk to me like I'm a stranger? Look at me! LOOK AT ME!" he demanded. "I know you found it, you had to. I could never hide anything from you. Tell me you found the box."

Tigress eyes began to tear up in confusion. No one knew, no one could have known. Right? she asked herself panicked. "Wally?" she whimpered before snapping back into assassin mode.

The speedster took one step closer and sighed. "I know you have the crossbow aimed at my heart. I see it peeking under Tim's arm. You're going to have to use it."

The room sat in stunned silence

"Wally what are you doing?" Nightwing pleaded.

"Shut-up Dick."

"Artemis look at me. This isn't some illusion, this isn't a trick, It's me. You're lost babe, I know, I was too. I'm going to take you home, away from all this. It's going to be ok I swear to God, but you've got to let me help you. I'm coming over there and the only way you're going to stop me is to shoot me. We either walk out of here together or we both die tonight, but I'm not leaving here without you, one way or the other. Do you understand me?"

He took the final step and the deranged archer fired the shot. With his speed he should have easily avoided it, but that wasn't possible anymore. The arrow was aimed at his heart, but she changed the mark at this last second for some reason. not even realizing she'd done it as the arrow dug deep into his thigh. He dropped to the floor in agony, his crippled legs suffering even more trauma.

Tigress watched as the red head brought his eyes to hers, his sad but determined emerald eyes searching for her heart. She watched as the blood pooled around the shaft and drained from his leg. Crimson. Human.

"Oh my God, Wally!" she screamed, dropping the knife and running to his side.

The last bit of her sanity crumbled away as her hands desperately sought out his face, kissing him deeply, desperately.

"Oh god I'm so sorry!" she sobbed hopelessly, looking for something, anything to stop the bleeding.

"I've missed you so damn much," he cried as tears flowed from his green eyes. Any other moment in time this rendezvous would have been beautiful had it not been for the violence that had preceded it.

Conner and Megan ran towards Wally with tourniquet and first aid kit in hand when Wally snapped.

"Get back," he growled? "Stay away from her!" he warned the group as he struggled to his feet, placing the archer behind him and away from the crowd.

With an explosion of anger and resentment he'd held inside since that day in Bludhaven, Wally stared directly at their leader.

"This is your fault Dick! every God Damn bit of it. This is all on you!"

He turned to her, reaching up slowly and removing her mask, looking into her soul for the women he left behind.

"You should have found another way. You should have trusted them, all of them," he yelled gesturing at the gathered heroes. "Did you ever think for one minute what they could have done as a team if you'd just trusted them."

He turned to look into her glazed eyes, hoping there was something left inside of the women he loved. They were both broken. One on the inside, the other outside.

"This is why we left. We're not like you. These people aren't pawns, they're your family, your friends. Do you remember when you said you didn't want to be like Batman, my God open your eyes Dick, you're him and you don't even know it."

He took the archer in his arms, kissing the top of her head that he now cradled in his chest, afraid, docile, confused, desperately seeking his warmth and protection, the extreme opposite of the assassin that stood there moments ago.

He held her tight and limped to the tubes entering in the private destination before deleting the readout from the display. She wrapped herself around his arms like a terrified child unsure of her surroundings.

"Wally," she sobbed. "I want to go home. Please take me home."

Their reunion was heart wrenching to watch. They had sacrificed their lives to save the world, but the cost had been too high.

"Stay the hell from us, I swear to God I'll make you regret it if you don't."

The threat was made to all, but everyone inside knew the intended target. Dick watched his best friend and the women he loved disappear into the blinding light of the Zeta Beams. Wally hated lies and Nightwing knew he meant every word of his threat. Conner and Megan took Tim to the infirmary, while the rest of the team filed out of the chamber, leaving Nightwing alone. He stared at the transport tube, remembering the four teens that stood next to the crumbled remains of Cadmus, wishing he go back to that moment when everything once made sense.