A/N: Thanks again for reading and letting me know what you think! Also, I'm an idiot, lol. After looking over my notes, I realized that I skipped over a conversation between Bobby and Sanders at the end of their argument in chapter7. So, I had to go back and add it; if not, you all will be confused by why Bobby doesn't have his gun. All it consists of is that Bobby had to hand over his weapon for the IA investigation and that Fin is supposed to have another one for him in a few days.

All right, enough of my stupidity…Enjoy!

He couldn't just lay there, staring into his hands, and pretend to ignore what he'd just done. It wasn't how his mind worked. If he didn't do something, like talking to Alex...really talk with her, than he wasn't going to get any sleep. Tomorrow he'd be not only ignoring what happened that night but also her, and that was only going to cause more problems...What had he done?

Ruined an already strained partnership? Ruin a possible friendship? Embarrassed not only himself but Alex as well?

All of the above?

Bobby sighed into his unnaturally still hands. Not tonight. Maybe on any other night he'd do just that. Ignore it all and shrug if off as another relationship done horribly bad. But not tonight. The night still wasn't over and even though he was seconds away from falling asleep, wanting morning to get there as soon as possible, he couldn't shake the feeling that he couldn't.

Instead of wallowing in stubbornness, pride, and a bottle of good Scotch, he pushed himself up off the bed. He swallowed every instinct he had in his body as he grabbed his keys as headed for the door. Hopefully Alex would be home. He should call, but she probably wouldn't answer him anyway. All he could really hope for was that she was home and that she'd listen to him. The alternative was having her knee him in the groining. In all actually, he'd gladly take that pain if it meant she'd forgive his male stupidity.

The short five-minute drive over to her apartment didn't seem like an eternity, like it should have, but it zoomed by him like the rest of the evening. The buildings blurred, lights from the cars going by him became one, stretching on for miles. He suddenly found himself stopped in front of her building, staring up at it as he tried to steady his racing pulse. He wished he could have seen her place from the street; then he wouldn't have to walk all the way up there to know if she was home or not. Taking one last deep breath, he got out and slammed the car door harder than he intended too.

There were a group of teens down on one corner, hanging out, smoking, and cursing louder than the cars going by. As he reached the steps a car grabbed his attention. It was a patrol cop car, and it was rounding the corner where the teens were. It wasn't necessary the car that grabbed his attention, but the speed of the car. The cops were on the prowl; they were barely going twenty miles per hour as the spotlight illuminated the group at the corner.

He shook his head as he jogged up the steps and into the safety of the building. He didn't miss the patrols at all. The more he got closer to seeing Alex again the worse his nerves got. By the time he was standing at the top of the steps, staring down toward her door, his hands were fidgeting at his sides as his eyes darted around the hallway and back down the steps. His paranoia was setting in again as he heard a door down below him open and distant voices.

He was going to drive himself crazy before the night was over with. He raised his hand to knock on the door and heard the locked being turned and then, before he could blink, it swung open.

"Oh, damn it, Bobby!" Alex jumped back at the sight of him. Her hand was resting over her chest as she stared up at him. "You scared the hell out of me!"

"S-sorry. I..." he trailed off as he let his eyes take in her appearance and the bag clutched in her hand. "Leaving?" Bobby asked as he took a step toward her, into the apartment.

Alex stepped back further away from him. "Look, whatever you came here to say, can it wait?"

Bobby didn't want to leave it at that, especially when he could tell that something was bothering her. And it wasn't his presence there. "Okay, I'll, uh...apologize later, but you didn't answer my question. Are you leaving?"

She stood watching him for a long moment. "I told you that my guys were giving me heat over what happened earlier," Alex explained as she brushed her hair back behind her ears. There wasn't much she could do with the duffle bag in her right hand. He nodded, she continued, "so, to help them out, and since I have tonight off at the club, I told them that I'd take the surveillance job that none of them wanted to do."

Bobby was momentarily confused as that sunk in. "Uh, surveillance? Tonight?"

"Well, it's more like a stakeout, really." Alex went to usher him out of the apartment when he stopped just outside the door.

"You're not going alone." Bobby didn't intend for his voice to sound as stern and demanding as it did, but with the feelings he'd been having that night and with everything that had happened, it was all clouding his emotions.

Alex wasn't budging; she went to protest when he raised his hands and carefully laid them on her shoulder. "Alex, I'm not trying to control this; I apologize if it seems that way, but...It's just...You can't go alone, not tonight. Okay? I'll go with you and I promise..." he stared down hard at her. "I won't say anything."

Alex eyed him seriously before her stern lips pulled up into a smile. "Not anything?"

Bobby smirked. "I'll be a mute. For you, just let me sit in the damn car with you."

"And here I thought I was the only paranoid cop tonight."

Bobby closed his eyes and rubbed at his sweaty face. "Every cop in New York is paranoid tonight. Believe me."

Alex finally nodded as she pulled the door closed behind her. "Okay. Let's go."

Alex glanced over at him nearly half an hour after they pulled up to the side of the curb. "You know, you can talk."

Bobby gave her a small smile as he continued to stare over at the house they were watching. "I know. I'm just thinking."

"About?"

Bobby shrugged a little as he glanced down the street. He was looking everywhere except at her. "Today. Not about us, with what happened earlier, but...just, the whole day."

Alex was silent for a long moment. She returned to watching the house and didn't seem like she wanted to continue with the conversation.

He was glad. It'd been a tough day. Not his best, but also not his worst. He thought about telling her about it, make the stakeout go by quicker, but he didn't want to talk about it. She couldn't help him; it was his burden to bare, and he didn't want to worry her even more than she had been. "So, uh, what's this about?" Bobby asked, changing the topic. If he was going to stick this out with her, he'd better know what the deal was.

Alex hesitated as she continued to stare at the house. "Child prostitution."

Bobby closed his eyes as that hit him. "Damn," he muttered under his breath. When he opened them and glanced at Alex, she was watching him. "No wonder your guys were so willing to let you pick it up for them."

Alex turning back to watch the house. "It's worse than that, though. We think they're trafficking."

Bobby flinched and rubbed at his head. It was hot outside and he was sweating already, but with this new added information he was feeling dizzy. "Black market?"

Alex shrugged. "I'm not sure. It's bad, whatever it is. We want to get all the facts straight before we take it down. We don't want to leave anything hanging."

"I understand. You want to make sure you get everyone involved." Bobby watched her closely. She was keeping it together despite the situation and the obvious strong emotions that were coursing through her, and him. "You were right; I wanted to, uh, a-apologize for my actions this evening. I was--"

"My husband was shot on a night like this."

Bobby's head snapped up at that. Her husband? He felt a wave of pain and sadness, along with anger in himself, creep up and clench at his heart. "Did he…"

Alex nodded once. "A couple of days later. He tired to hold on, but…" A tight smile formed on her face.

"Jesus, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. He did what you did." She took a wary glance at him before focusing back on the house. Bobby was sure she wasn't seeing it though. "He was undercover when the drug bust went wrong. That was nearly two years ago."

Bobby was really feeling like shit now. Her husband died doing the exact something he was doing. No wonder she had a hard time around him, making it personal when she shouldn't have. That anger she was holding toward him and the way he'd been keeping her in the dark lately was now slapping him in the face. It stung and he felt like groveling for her to forgive his stupidity. Of course he didn't know; how could he have known? But that didn't take the sting away. "What was his name?"

Alex's smile was tight but warm as she said, "Joseph Dutton."

He heard of him. "I remember that. I was…unable to attend the funeral. I wanted to, but I couldn't," Bobby softly acknowledged. "I knew of him. He was a good guy. The guys in the department, I heard them call him Joe."

Alex smiled over at him; it was a real, warm smile. "And just so you know, the answer is no. My last name isn't Dutton."

Bobby smirked. He had been wondering. "Strong, independent woman like you, of course you kept your last name."

Alex turned away from him. "Stop being charming."

"Can't help it," Bobby muttered right back. He wanted to smile at their light teasing, but what he really wanted was for her to slap the shit out of him. "Why…" he rubbed a hand over his tired, burning eyes before trying again. "Why didn't you…stop me? Kneed me in the balls or something?"

Alex stared over at him, looking confused before she started laughing. It was light at first, teasing, before it filled the car.

Bobby felt the chuckle start deep within him before he was laughing as well. They could have both been hysterical, the night catching up with both of them, but right then he didn't care. "Oh…God, Alex," he got out between laughs. Once the car was quiet again, he asked, "So, you forgive me?"

Alex eyed him for a brief moment, making him sweat some more. "I let you come, didn't I?"

Yes, she did. And it was no small miracle. Bobby smiled and turned his attention back to the house.

They had been there for over an hour, and still nothing. Nobody was coming or going, there were hardly any cars down that street. The trees that lined the sidewalks were starting to get leaves again as spring was approaching. The air was still thick, making his head spin and heart pound.

"Mind if I smoke?"

Alex eyed him. "Yes."

Bobby fingered the pack in his hand and looked over at her. "I quit, six years ago. But, with this job..." he trailed off as she stared at him like he was an idiot. The Job was no excuse. Turning to the open window, he tossed the pack out the car.

"That's littering," she teased, but he could see the seriousness in her eyes.

He didn't like it either. "Dammit," he muttered angrily to himself as he opened the car door and got out.

It was dark, not a street lamp neat them, and the fences that separated the lawns from the sidewalk were covered with dry, dead vines and bushes. Without a flashlight, he was probably near going to find the abandoned pack of cigarettes.

"Give it up, Bobby. You're never going to find them."

Bobby shot Alex a glare over his shoulder; he soon realized that there was no possible way she could see him. Turning back to the task at hand, he felt around in the bushes until his fingers brushed over something that wasn't weeds, but plastic and soft. "Ha! Find 'em."

As soon as he picked up the pack, he spotted lights illuminating around the corner. It was the first car they'd seen in nearly two hours. "Heads up," he told Alex before he dropped to the ground.

The car was around the corner and headed their way. Bobby scooted back against Alex's car as he listened to the sound of the other car passing them. He hoped that Alex was hidden in the seats. Getting down on the sidewalk, he peered under the car and held his breath as the car slowed as it drove beside them.

He couldn't hear anything except the car's engine and the pounding in his ears. Come on; keep going. Just as he thought that their cover might be blown, the car drove away. Bobby exhaled deeply against the concrete. Thank you, God.

Bobby slowly got up into a kneeling position, and observed over the hood of the car as the other car, a 2000 Ford Mustang, drove further up the block; it went right up into the driveway of the house they were watching. "You getting this?" he asked without taking a look inside the car.

"Yep."

As he spotted the man get out of the car, he froze. All the blood in him ran cold as it felt like a truck hit him. It took a moment for his mind to catch up, and when it did, his fist clenched so tightly his nails dug into his palms.

"Bobby!?"

That was Alex's stern, low voice; it was demanding something of him. He turned and eyed her through the windshield. She had the same stunned expression that he was sure was on his own face.

"Was that really him?" Bobby had to ask. He had to know that he wasn't seeing this in the dark. "Rick?"

What seemed like minutes later but Bobby knew that it was only seconds, Rick came back out with a girl behind him. A girl that he had seen before.

Maria.

"Bobby," Alex's voice was still stern and thick with an emotion he had never thought he would ever hear from her. "Get in the car, now. We've got to go."

It took him a moment to move. He stared back two people getting into the car one last time before he shifted into a standing position and hurried into the car. Bobby rubbed as his throbbing head as he stared out of the window, not seeing a thing.

His mind was running over everything; the conversation he'd had with Brenda that night. She had warned him that Mack was doing something, something that he wanted to get him into. It involved people that he trusted but shouldn't. That Sunday came to his mind. Being in that stuffy room, with Mack testing him, Maria at his side and then gone. He got Mack to let her leave them alone.

You wishing she was back in here?

Alex, despite her eagerness to get off that street, was a remarkably calm driver. She had them a little over five blocks from the house before she let out a rushed breath of air. "What was that?"

"Where from?"

They had both asked at the same time.

Bobby stared over at her. "Where are they trafficking from? Or to?"

"Uh," Alex took a second to answer as she remembered, "Puerto Rico. Why was Rick there, Bobby?"

Bobby felt sick. "Pull over."

"What? You still haven't--"

"Pull over. Now." Bobby didn't wait for the car to be fully stopped before he opened the door and stumbled over the sidewalk.

He was going to kill them. As soon as he got his gun back he was going to march right into that club and shoot every last one of them in their fucking heads! Puerto fucking Rico.

He wondered what Mack could gain from partnering with Tony Ramirez. It wasn't like he really needed the drugs or territory. Mack said he needed Tony's connections.

What connections?!

Now he knew.

He turned around toward the street and flinched at the anger that bore from Alex's eyes. Bobby went to speak when she cut him off.

"Answer me?!" she yelled at him.

Bobby took a deep breath as he shook his head. "It's...them. All of them. They're all in on it. I should've..." he trailed off as Alex stepped closer to him.

"Should've what? What're you telling me? Who are they?"

"Mack an--" he wasn't expecting the fist thrown toward his chest, or the anger that coursed through Alex to be so violent. Bobby couldn't blame her, he felt like punching someone too. Rick, Mack, hell, even himself.

"Are they trafficking people, girls, Bobby, for drugs," Alex asked through clenched teeth as she continued to hit him.

Bobby muffled a yelp as she hit his wounded shoulder. Reaching out, he caught her flying arms and gripped her wrists tight as he pulled her into a tight embrace. "I didn't know, Alex," he pleaded with her as he held her tight against him. "I swear…" he swallowed hard as his eyes clenched shut. "I swear to God I didn't know."

Not wanting to let her go just yet, he held her until he heard her muffle a cry against his chest. Finally realizing that they were on a city street, with people and cars going by, he pushed her softly away from him and looked down at her.

Alex reached up and wiped at her eyes before she faced him. "Sorry, for hitting you."

Bobby gave her a sympathetic smile. "Don't be, I mean, if I could I would have hit myself for not seeing it. For not knowing about it soon enough."

"It's not your fault. People just don't go around looking for things like that."

"No, they don't." Bobby let go of her shoulders and finally stepped back. Looking around, he had a sudden urge to get back in the car and drive. "Keys, please."

Alex stared up at him, confused.

"I have to drive…It, uh…helps me think. Please." Bobby watched as Alex reluctantly handed her keys over to him.

Once in the car, he started driving without knowing exactly where he was going.

Alex didn't care either as she was quiet and still beside him; she didn't even argue with his mindless driving. They both remained silent, lost in their own thoughts. Bobby couldn't get it out of his head that he'd been undercover with those guys for nearly a year and he hadn't once realized that this was going on. It pissed him off.

It was some time later, after they crossed into Brooklyn, that he ventured a glance at the clock. They'd been driving around for almost an hour. "Wanna get some coffee?" Bobby asked as he glanced over at the quiet form of Alex.

Alex nodded. "Yeah that'd be good."

They stopped briefly at a coffee shop in the middle of Brooklyn, one that Bobby knew would be open at four in the morning. Taking it to go, they were both seated in the car not more than five minutes later, passing empty work buildings and sleeping neighbors. Every so often they would spot another car, or a patrol, cruising the streets; ignoring them.

"Where're we going?" Alex asked as she took a sip of the coffee.

Bobby stared out onto the road as he followed a familiar path around the Brooklyn streets. "To where I grew up."

It wasn't until they were parking that Alex spoke again. "Well, I've got to admit, never been to Canarsie Pier before."

Bobby didn't respond to that; instead, he ventured ahead of her and took the long walk to the very end of it. Leaning against the rail, he stared out over the water. It didn't take long before he felt her next to him. "I used to come here all the time when I was a kid. Think I even got arrested here once." He smiled at the look on Alex's face. "I was caught smoking."

"Ah."

"After a while, I stopped then I left for the Army. When I got home, I, uh, came back one last time with my mother. We watched the sun come up together until we had to leave." Bobby didn't tell her where they left to; she didn't need to know that. Not now, maybe not ever. "Never came back since then, 'til now. That was, uh, thirteen years ago."

Alex took a long drink from the coffee before asking, "Why now?"

"Wanted to watch the sun come up. Celebrate surviving this night. You don't want to celebrate with me?"

The night was giving away to day as the sun was starting to show over the horizon. They both took several minutes to take in the sun coming up, illuminating Jamaica Bay and the run down pier behind them.

Bobby cleared his throat. It was time to let her know what was going on with him. He had to tell somebody and calling Fin was out of the question. "I, uh...killed a man today, well...yesterday. Wasn't anything I could do. He fired at me and I did what I was trained to do. You know, when I was a kid, I didn't think that I'd be a cop. I was interested in other things, but…Watching movies and TV shows, you think it's cool. Being the good cop, running in…shooting bad guys….It's, uh…nothing like that at all. I didn't even know the guy's name or what he was even doing there. Doesn't make it easier. I want to tell myself that it was right. That I was the good cop shooting the bad guy, that I'm glad it wasn't me, and at the end of the day, I'm able to watch the sun come up, at least for another damn day."

He was glad Alex didn't say anything; she only looked over at him and leaned against his hurt shoulder. Right then, the pain in his arm was ignored as he leaned back into her. Bobby, for once, let his mind stop turning and just let himself enjoy the moment. Alex, his new friend, giving him her silent support as they relished in the warmth of the day.

"Happy St. Patrick's Day, Alex." Bobby told her before he took a long pull off the warm coffee. "Hope it's better than yesterday."

"I'll drink to that," she said as she took a sip off the coffee. "You know I'm half-Irish."

Bobby looked over at her, smiling. "Oh, yeah? Wondered where that snark of yours came from."

"Yeah, me and Joe. Should've seen us argue. Two hot blooded Irish going at each other." She reached up and wiped a tear away. "Sorry."

Bobby shook his head as he took a hold of her hand. "Don't be. I'm sure you had some wonderfully awful fights."

Alex started laughing as she tried to clear her face of dried tears. "The best. So, ready or..."

Bobby shook his head. "No, I'm ready. Here," he handed the keys back to her. "Thanks, for, uh...you know, letting me drive."

"Right."

They managed to make it back to Bobby's apartment in one piece. He was dead on his feet as he strolled heavily down the hallway with Alex trailing him. "I've got left over pizza and beer."

"Sounds wonderful," Alex said as she closed his door behind her. "This is decent."

Bobby frowned as he eyed her over his shoulder before going back to pulling out the pizza box from the refrigerator. "You were here not even a full seven hours ago."

Alex sat down on the couch and sighed in satisfaction. "I know, but I didn't take the time from my blowup to compliment you on your decor. Mind if I turn the TV on."

Bobby shook his head. "Go right ahead." He dished out a couple of pieces on a plate before sticking them in the microwave. The early morning news report drifted through the apartment and to his ears.

"...the shooting accord around three-thirty early this morning. The officers were responding..."

Bobby turned and hurried into the living room. He stood still in front of the television as he saw the pictures of two fellow officers, both dressed in their blues.

"...to a Domestic Disturbance call when the suspect, forty-two year old Mitchell Randal, opened fired on the two officers. It was reported that Officer Joshua Thomas was pronounced dead on the scene, while Officer Anthony Hensley is listed as in serious condition."

"Why weren't we called?"

Bobby pulled his eyes off the screen and stared hard at Alex. "What could we have done? We're undercover." He heard the microwave beeping at him but he was no longer interested in idea of eating.

Alex stared right back at him and he had to force himself to move away from that stare. Bobby decided to busy himself with the pizza and beer anyway to give him something to do. Plus, he wanted to have a moment alone with his anger and thoughts.

His, and every other cops in the area, feelings were right. Last night was a disaster waiting to happen. And it had happened. Chaos and death were always around them, threatening to explode. It was a ticking time bomb waiting to happen, and it reached its breaking point that night.

He handed Alex a plate and bottle as he sat down next to her. "I shouldn't have snapped at you." Bobby glanced over at her and tried for a tight smile.

Alex was still watching the news and trying to balance the big slices of pizza in one hand and the beer in the other. "You're right though; I wasn't thinking. I've never been in this position before, undercover like this."

"It's not easy." Bobby took a sip off the cold brew and sighed. He wanted to come home, relax on the couch with Alex, eat and drink and let the night fade away until they had to deal with it again that evening. Nothing was ever that simple. "This is why I couldn't attend your husband's...uh, funeral." He ventured a looked over at her. She was silent, but she was still there with him, eating the pizza slowly and figuring the bottle in her hand. "No one called me; I had to hear about it on the news, like now. He was even in my department, and I couldn't pay my respects to him or his family. I felt...angry, betrayed at first, but I understood. It's the Job. Maybe the worst part, maybe the best...just, depends."

Alex looked over at him for the first time. A mournful expression on her face. "I think I'm starting to hate the job."

Bobby eyed her for a long moment then nodded once. "Welcome to my world."

TBC...