A/N: This took long again, I know... I don't know much to say. Read it! Tell me if you hated it or loved it ;) Either way is fine.
I'm working on the next chapter too, so hopefully you won't have to wait that long again ;)
The heavy weight of guilt came upon him the longer he walked. He couldn't help it. Still, it seemed so surreal; so pathetic in a way and yet it was real. He had to face it. Even if he kept on walking the streets of the city forever and passed thousands of people; maybe even those who knew him and maybe he even spent a little time talking to them and smiling politely, he realized more and more he could not escape the loneliness that kept on creeping up into his life.
He might have been alone for a long time, yes. But it was harder than he'd ever imagined to get used to it once more. And seeing the huge city, which appeared in a strange colorless light all of a sudden didn't help much. Max didn't know what to do. And the contradictory experience of wanting to be alone and yet loathing company whenever he was around people made it even worse.
"This time you really took everything," he thought, looking up to catch a sight of the clouds passing the buildings. Colored in a dark purple they mockingly seemed to laugh at him from the evening sky above. But as much as he tried to distract his mind, it just wouldn't work. He couldn't sleep or eat or even try to forget. This wasn't his life anymore.
And he still didn't know if telling that girl about Leo's whereabouts was the right thing. He'd fled from her literally, but more because he didn't want her to ask any more questions than anybody seeing them, which by all means was highly unlikely.
He had told her about so many things. About Carmen. About himself being his best friend.
"God damn it, Leo!" Max thought, stopping and closing his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me she knew that much?"
Maybe she could've helped him in any way. But then again, the facts remained. He couldn't have been safe around Max. Pembroke had been seeing through this. And even though Leo never was what someone would call obvious, their backer was bound to find out as he obviously spent a lot of time investigating on Leo. So, the less Diane knew the better.
"Even so...," he thought. "I miss you."
Max took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. The blue shades of night slowly covered the streets and the neon lights of the street lamps prepared to light the darkness for everyone slowly. He didn't even notice he'd been walking that long without a destination. Quickly Max pulled his coat a little tighter. It was cold somehow. His body shivered once again and he hated not being able to stop thinking about Leo.
When he looked around for a moment it took him quite some time to realize where he was. He turned once or twice to get his head clear and his orientation back. The long narrow streets still vanished in the dark whiff of nightly sky that seemed to crawl out of the earth.
He turned once more and looked straight to a dark wall of black that appeared as the entrance to a new world in the middle of an otherwise crowded gray city.
"A park?" he thought and turned his head just once more to look at any road signs. And eventually, when his gaze rested upon one of them, he knew where he was. "I'm on 42nd Street... Strange."
So, this must be Bryant Park. A strange place to be after nightfall he had to admit.
"You should think twice before deciding to go in there," a voice next to him said and Max whirled around. He didn't expect someone to talk to him here and he was even more surprised to find Arthur Pembroke slowly approaching him.
"Are you following me?" Max asked quietly, although he'd expected something like this for a longer time now.
"Pure coincidence, let me assure you," the old man chuckled. "I saw you passing by and thought a warning among friends could not hurt, could it?"
Friends? Max almost flinched at that word. It was weird to imagine this guy saw him as his friend, especially since he was responsible for the downfall of everything Max had even though he probably only knew half of it. It didn't matter anyway. He knew Pembroke was lying. He'd expected him to approach him a lot earlier, trying to convince him of...whatever. He didn't like the thought of being out here with Pembroke at all though.
"Warning about what?" he asked, noticing the old man eying him from aside.
"About what's going on in there after nightfall," he nodded in the direction of the park.
"I know," Max answered. It was no big secret Bryant Park was a venue for homosexuals of all kind, especially during the safe veils of nighttime.
"What are you doing here then?" Pembroke asked, turning his icy blue eyes to Max again.
"I just walked past it," Max said. "I wasn't going to go in there."
He nodded to the park as well. It wasn't even a lie. But he was far from telling Pembroke he didn't really know where he was going and just got his orientations back standing here. No one would believe that anyway.
"What are you doing here, if you don't mind me asking?" he asked, noticing that it made absolutely no sense why Pembroke would roam this area of the city.
Pembroke on the other hand started to chuckle.
"Come with me," he said and turned. "I want to show you something."
Max shrugged shortly and then followed the old man. It felt odd, but maybe it would finally switch his thoughts for another two hours. And even though this was the person he least wanted to spend time with, he had to admit everything was better than being alone at the moment.
They walked silently next to each other along 42nd Street and were eyed rather curiously by the people they passed. Maybe because they didn't at all look like anyone who came here at night or maybe because they feared they were just another 'looking for some fun' passers-by. After all it was quite popular among straight people to come here and laugh at the colorful queers and the many drags you could find. Or maybe, and this would be the worst maybe, they recognized Pembroke and feared what was possible to happen. Every now and then there were small groups of youngsters sitting on the stoops in front of the old brick-stone houses, cuddling closer together as soon as they noticed them. Or they would just stare wickedly at the two of them. Under normal circumstances these looks would creep anyone out, but nothing happened. They remained where they were. No one would dare to attack Pembroke anyway, that much Max knew. He himself had only heard of him before agreeing to work with him, but he had noticed Roger and Carmen knew exactly who was standing in front of them. Or so it seemed. Maybe they'd also just concluded, but Carmen's look had been speaking volumes. Never before had Max seen him so full of loathing, so obviously the old saying of 'getting to know your enemies' applied in that case.
"I see you look around," he heard Pembroke's voice next to himself and turned his head to look at him.
"Then take a good look," he continued after Max didn't show any reaction. "I want you to see what I am trying to fight."
"You're fighting people who love each other," Usually Max wouldn't have dared to say that, but it didn't matter right now. He couldn't destroy any more.
"Love?" Pembroke stopped and for a moment looked as though he was furious. But his face changed quickly again. "Oh, dear young friend. Look around. An abnormal behavior like that has nothing to do with love. These perverts are not capable of feeling something as complex as love. This is all part of a dysfunction in their brains. Something sick that needs to be eliminated."
"I think you're overreacting a bit," Max replied, now a little louder. "All I see is young people trying to be who they are."
"That's because you don't know better," Pembroke said and looked around with a disgust in his eyes. It appeared to grow even more the longer they were there. "But they will put up with normal people, trying to drag them into their perverted world and do unspeakable things. And they will succeed. Just think about it. If a child sees something like that, it may think it's alright and soon they'll have one more. It's epidemic, believe me."
"Are you afraid this will happen to you?" Max asked, but immediately wished he hadn't.
Pembroke's face turned blank and Max swore it looked like all the blood drained from it for a second.
"Well," he coughed slightly and turned back to normal. "Let's say I am not at all afraid. I just happen to know what they are able to do. And I don't think any abomination of that kind should make us risk the good old values we've all grown up to."
Max shivered hearing this. Pembroke appeared to be obsessed with getting rid of them. And from what he'd heard he didn't back away from anything that might help him. And suddenly Carmen's face appeared in front of his eyes. Just the way it was when he had seen it. It was hard to imagine how Roger must have felt seeing him in a state much worse than that. No, he couldn't find any way to feel empathic towards Pembroke. This was his fault. And even though Max couldn't prove anything yet, he knew. The old man had loathed getting objections from Carmen and Roger and from what he had said to him after they'd vanished was more than a clue. He simply must have had something to do with all this. Otherwise there would be no rumors, would they?
"I think you should join me another day," Pembroke said again. "I will show you what I mean."
"Join you? What for?"
"A cleaning," Pembroke replied and handed Max a card. And as he took it, he turned and walked away, leaving Max bewildered.
A cleaning?! That didn't sound too good at all. Max looked at the card in his hand a little closer. Not much was written on it. Only Pembroke's contact data and a phone number; stuff you'd usually find on a business card. But when Max turned it, a date was written there in blue ink:
06-28-1969
Stonewall
"The Stonewall?" Max thought. "But...that's a low dive... And on Christopher Street. What does he want there?"
…..
"What are you doing here?"
Carmen couldn't believe it. Finding Diane standing in the middle of their house was something he didn't expect at all. How did she find out where he lived? After only one meeting no one usually showed up at someone's place, right? But then again, he was somehow glad to see her. A happy face was something he hadn't seen in a while.
"I'm sorry I turned up here just like that," She answered a little shyly. "But I...I needed your help."
Carmen stepped closer. Diane's face changed when she saw him and her eyes turned wide.
"Oh my god...What did they do to you?" she gasped, not taking her eyes away. It made Carmen blush a little and he coughed slightly.
"It's alright," he spoke with a calming voice. He kept forgetting his appearance must shock people lately. But before he could reply anything more, she flung her arms around him. It came a little unexpected and he felt his body stiffened for a second. But then a small smile appeared on his face and he slowly lifted his arms to stroke her back softly.
"It's okay," he whispered. "Nothing happened, really."
"I'm sorry," she answered, slowly letting go of him again and lifting her face to look into his eyes. "I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can't believe people do something like that."
"People are dangerous these days. We both agreed on that the last time," Carmen answered, still smiling at her.
She nodded slowly and then lifted her mouth into a weak smile as well. Carmen noticed immediately and it reminded him just once more why it felt okay to have her here. It was that kind of positivity that they needed these days.
"Oh, ugh... This other man let me in," Diane continued as though she just remembered why she was here. "I'm sorry, I only had your name, so.."
"Ah, but my name is not listed with this address," Carmen laughed. "So, you must have investigated a lot." He winked at her once and could tell she felt caught. It was there in her face.
"That was Roger," he continued pretty amused. "I'm sorry if he didn't introduce himself, but he's usually not the one opening the door. So, he may simply have forgotten."
"That was Roger? Your Roger?" she asked.
Carmen nodded.
"He's handsome," she said but blushed the very next moment, clutching her hands over her mouth. "Oh, I'm sorry...I didn't...I meant you must be very lucky having such a man by your side."
Carmen gave a short laugh.
"Don't you worry so much," he replied. "Roger wouldn't have let you in if he felt danger of any kind coming from you. Believe me, I know!"
She still seemed a little embarrassed. But at least that seemed to calm her a bit.
"So, you need my help?" Carmen asked after a moment. "That's what you said."
"Yes, I..." she hesitated. Maybe she was thinking about how to put her request. Carmen couldn't tell for sure, but he clearly noticed it happened to be hard for her to say what she wanted somehow.
"I... I know he's here," she finally said, looking straight into his eyes again.
Carmen immediately backed away a little and he felt his face turning to stone and obviously he wasn't moving one muscle anymore. It took him a while to really comprehend what she was talking about. But as soon as he was sure he got everything, he didn't know what to think anymore. How could she have found out? And more importantly what exactly did she want then?
"How do you know?" he asked carefully and tried hard not to let any emotions show through his voice. But obviously, his body language did the trick, since Diane instinctively stepped back as well. Maybe seeing him not moving and with a stony face was a little intimidating.
She shook her head quickly.
"I...I mean no harm, believe me," she said. "Could I talk to him? Please. No one knows I'm here. Nothing will happen to you or him for that matter."
Carmen didn't answer.
"Please," Diane begged. "I need to...I need to know what happened. If...if this was my fault..."
Carmen closed his eyes and sighed. Then, looking at her again he slowly shook his head.
"No, it's got nothing to do with you," he finally answered silently.
"So, you know what's the matter? He just quit. I mean, I couldn't even talk to him. And no one seems to know anything. And then there's Max who doesn't wanna talk about him, which appears just odd."
"You've talked to Max?" Carmen's attention was back again. "So, that's why you know he's here."
"I...No! No!" Diane tried to draw back, but knew it was too late. She sighed. "Listen, it was a big deal to find out... Please, I...I just want to apologize. Max didn't say anything. He avoids everything involving Leo in any way."
Carmen thought about it. This was nonsense. She only could have gotten this little information from him. But why? Something just didn't make sense.
"What do you know about Arthur Pembroke?" Roger's voice sounded from behind Carmen, causing him to turn around and Diane to stare at him in surprise. He was standing on the stairs, now moving slowly towards them with his arms crossed and not taking his eyes away from her.
"I...uh, not much I must admit," she answered hesitantly. "I only talked to him twice and he appeared like a nice old man. But of course, I've heard the rumors about him. I just can't tell you if any of this is right or not."
Roger nodded. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop on your conversation. But it appears to me you have no clue at all what is going on."
Carmen looked at him and then turned back to Diane, crossing his arms as well.
"What?"
"Look at his face," Roger said, pointing at Carmen. "Where do you think he got this from?"
"Roger," Carmen interrupted quickly.
"Do you mean that was Pembroke?" Diane gasped.
"NO!" Carmen was surprised himself how loud his voice could get. But he felt he needed to stop all these accusations right now. But feeling the eyes of both of them on him that very moment too, he quickly added: "No! There is absolutely no evidence of Pembroke being involved in this. So please, don't use a sledgehammer to crack a nut!"
"Carmen, why do you keep defending him?" Roger asked and gave him a rather concerned look.
"I don't," the slender man answered. "But...I think it's dumb to accuse someone without knowing all the facts."
"If it was him," Diane interrupted them. "Then he is crazy. And dangerous."
"Not you too," Carmen replied, letting his arms sink again.
"But this is absolutely outrageous!"
"And that's exactly why," Roger jumped in again. "We cannot let Leo run into this danger as well. Do you understand this? So, letting everyone come near him is a risk and that's exactly why we're asking all of this. I hope you don't feel offended."
Diane stopped.
"Wait what?" she asked. "Why would he be in danger?"
Carmen and Roger gave each other a short look of amazement and both of them seemed to understand immediately.
"Diane...," Carmen stepped closer, gently taking her hands. "What did he tell you about his life?"
"Not much," she answered. "He told me he had to give up a lot in the past. And that he'd worked as an accountant before he became who he is now, whatever that means. I know he's living with his girlfriend and it appears to be a normal living together, just like every other couple. Although they've had some problems around a year ago, they seemed to have worked it out. That's all he told me."
Roger immediately shook his head, looking down. Carmen on the other hand didn't take his eyes away from her, biting his lips.
"So what if you found out there was something he didn't tell you?" Carmen asked sincerely.
Diane simply stared back at him for a moment, obviously thinking about it. But then, she shrugged slightly.
"So what?" she answered calmly. "I guess he told me as much as he felt I needed to know."
Carmen turned and shortly looked at Roger, then smiled again. He almost had to laugh. Of course. What else did he expect? First of all Leo didn't tell her. That suited him so much. And then, she didn't seem to want to find out really. What an odd situation.
"So, tell me," she continued. "Why would he be in danger?"
"Diane," Roger stepped closer now. "Would you mind coming in? We would love to offer you a tea, if you like."
She nodded and followed them into the house. She walked silently behind Roger with Carmen accompanying her, but neither of them said a word. She looked around as they walked the long corridor. What a strange house this was. Colorful in a way, but she couldn't recall ever meeting someone who seemed to like flowers and little pink goodies that much. She'd always thought it's be a cliché but apparently it applied to Roger and Carmen.
But before she could wonder anymore how anyone could afford a huge house like that in the middle of the city, she found herself seated on one of the incredibly cozy chairs in the middle of what happened to be a kitchen. A kitchen that was indeed larger than her entire apartment.
"So, have you noticed any weird behavior towards Leo coming from Pembroke?" Roger asked handing her a cup after a moment.
"Weird?" she asked and thought about it a short moment. Then she slowly shook her head. "No, you can't say weird. Well, of course I don't know what they've talked about all the time. I mean it's not really my concern what a producer talks about with his backers, right?"
Roger nodded approvingly. "So, he's talked to him?"
"I guess," Diane answered. "I didn't see it that often though. Leo mostly sat a little away from them, brooding over papers."
"Hm, I see," Roger replied, sitting down as well. "You see, Leo's had huge problems with this man."
"Apparently it led him to hide a lot of who he was and talk to no one anymore really," Carmen said. "Not even us had a real chance to change that."
"But," Diane didn't understand. "People told you were working there too. Why did you leave?"
"Unfortunately, we were forced to," Roger answered, lifting his head a little to look at her. His voice was calm although his face was not. "He made them let us go."
"Why?"
"Because he is the most intolerant person there is and apparently devoted himself to hate us 'fairies' most of all," Roger blasted out. "He obviously blames everything that's wrong with this world on us and he is pretty well known never to work with anyone who is openly...different."
Diane listened to every word of the older man and couldn't take her eyes away from him.
"How do you know it's him?" she asked after a while.
"Rumors don't appear out of thin air," Roger replied. "We have no evidence though, but he did the same to us as he did to everyone else who ever had the pleasure of working with him. Everyone gay that is."
Carmen didn't say anything, just staring to the ground and tipping his tea-cup with his fingers from time to time. Diane noticed from the corner of her eyes.
"So, you think he'd suspected Leo of...," she suggested. She couldn't finish her question though. Just the thought of it appeared so strange. If any of this was true, why didn't Leo just tell him about his girl and eliminate any doubt?
"But...but it can't be," she said after a moment. "He saw us...I mean..."
"What? That kiss?" Roger asked. And judging the look on Diane's face, he quickly added: "We know about that, don't worry. And yes, he may have seen it. But that doesn't mean he believed it."
"So why didn't Leo just tell him then?" she asked. "I mean it would have been easy for him to convince him, wouldn't it?"
Carmen and Roger only blinked at her and she kept feeling more and more uneasy about their constant stares. If anything spoke against it, all they had to do is telling her. All these little pieces they chose to throw at her started to really bother her.
"What if you were wrong?" Carmen finally asked hesitantly from the corner he was sitting in.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean...," Carmen looked at her now too. "What if he was just hiding. What if he chose not to tell you as well, either because he wanted to keep you away from all of it or maybe he just didn't want you to know...either way?"
"What?" Diane gave him a doubtful look and laughed slightly. This was absurd. Whatever he was implying there, it made no real sense to her at all.
"What if I told you there never was a woman," Carmen asked with his eyes almost piercing her. "At least not as long as you knew him."
Diane's eyes widened. She doubted for a second she got that right.
"But...," she started after a while. "But this cannot be. He told me about her..."
"Well, maybe he made it up," Roger said.
"Why would he made it up?" Diane asked a little defiantly now. All of this talking got her nowhere, especially when she thought about how close she were right now. But somehow she felt she needed to answer whatever right in order to get a little further and that little fact really started to annoy her.
"Maybe because I didn't want you to get into trouble as well!"
Carmen and Roger looked up rather quickly, whereas Diane closed her eyes and didn't dare to move for a moment. It felt as though she'd expected or better 'feared' exactly that, right the moment Leo's voice appeared behind her.
Carmen instinctively jumped up.
"We... I didn't know you were coming down," he stuttered.
Leo leaned in the door-frame, looking as though he didn't care for anything they said. He looked tired that much Diane noticed when she slowly turned as well. He hadn't been in such a -she had to call it depressive- state the last time she'd seen him. There were dark rings under his eyes making him look as though he hadn't slept in years and a slight shadow of a beard was clearly to be seen in his face. His hair was tousled and hang loosely in front of his eyes. But the thing that hit her mostly was the sound of his voice. Not angry, not desperate. He sounded as though someone just talked about cleaning dishes. It was completely disinterested and unimpressed.
"You wanted to prevent me from getting into trouble?" Diane asked quietly, completely ignoring Carmen. "Why?"
It seemed like an eternity the two of them just stared at one another, before Leo finally chose to close his eyes and lowered his head.
"Because trouble is what would have happened if he'd found out," he answered.
"Found out what?" Diane just whispered without being able to use her normal voice anymore.
"That they are right," Leo replied, looking up at her again. "Truth is I lived with a man. For quite some years now. And Pembroke was suspecting it. Or knew it already, I don't know. You would have been out of there as soon as he'd noticed you knew as well. I had to lie to you."
Diane stepped back a few inches, not taking her eyes off of him.
"You...What was a year ago then?" she asked, not believing what he'd just said.
"A fight! Just like I told you," he answered without showing the slightest sign of emotions. "Just with him not her as you expected."
Diane stepped back a little more almost running into Carmen, who held his arms up to keep her from falling as she started to stumble. She turned her head so fast at him, he also almost backed away. But seeing her face exactly that moment almost broke his heart. She was looking at him with the biggest eyes he ever saw and he was certain she wasn't able to comprehend all of this right now. So much confusion in such innocent night naive eyes...
It was many years ago since Carmen had last seen that look.
"You...you knew?" she asked Carmen in a hoarse voice. "You knew that? And played along?"
"We had to play along," Carmen answered. "Listen, nothing's changed. It's still him. There is absolutely no reason to be afraid or shocked or anything. It's Leo the way you knew him."
"You should have told me," Diane said a little louder now, turning around and facing Leo again. "You should have been honest with me."
"What difference does it make?" Leo asked, closing his eyes once more. "This is over. So, you know a little fact about me that lies in the past. So what? You can carry on as if nothing happened at all!"
"How can you expect me to just carry on knowing...knowing this?" she asked and noticed in surprise how close to screaming she was right now. Daringly, she managed to step closer to Leo again. "I believed you! And you can't even look at me... We were friends. That's what you said! And then you vanish just like that, leaving everything behind without anyone knowing. And after what happened..."
She stopped for a slight moment and Roger and Carmen held their breaths witnessing it.
"How can you abandon everything just like that?" she continued, pointing at Roger and Carmen. "You have friends like them! And you have a partner since ten years! And you've had me. I thought you trusted me. So, whatever happened. Whether you and whoever he was split up or not... You've had all the support you needed...and you just left everyone behind you! This is damn unfair!"
"You don't know as much as you think," Leo answered, now looking furious. "You think because for a tiny moment we got along fine you know everything? You think you know the people around me? You think you know my life? Then why? Why did you come here, searching for answers?"
"I...," her face changed. She surely didn't expect being attacked like that, when she was the one having been lied to. "Because... I..."
"You have no idea about anything!" he screamed. "So, please leave me alone. You've ruined everything! Do you get that? And now that you know what you needed to know, you can leave again and forget you've found me here!"
They held their stare for another moment, before Diane turned around, gripping her bag and coat and hurried out of the kitchen, past Leo. She turned once more shortly.
"Thank you for everything," she said in the direction of Roger and Carmen and then left the house as quick as she could. She wanted to get out before anyone was able to notice the tears in her eyes.
Leo didn't turn. And the other two just stared at him, not believing what just had happened. When they finally heard the door it felt like the whole house was exhaling.
"She wanted to help," Carmen slowly began. "You know that right?"
Leo nodded.
"And she only worried about you," Roger continued. "And you know why?"
Again, Leo nodded.
"Because she's in love with me," he answered silently.
"Why did you act that way then?" Roger asked.
"Because I've had my share of people supposedly loving me," he answered, looking up.
Much to their horror, both of them -Carmen as well as Roger- saw tears in the younger man's eyes again.
…
Max couldn't believe how hard it was to really find out a little more private things about Arthur Pembroke. The man was publicly known and almost famous, at least among theater people. But he couldn't just walk around asking people. That would be way to suspicious. So, he managed to get as many newspapers and magazines he could get from almost a decade ago, only to scroll through them for the past few nights. He couldn't sleep anyway and figured he might as well just use the time in a constructive way and find out a little more. Ever since he witnessed Pembroke's face that night on 42nd Street he knew there was something wrong. Something must have happened in his past and Max was determined that something was the very reason why the old guy carried such hatred in him. Sure, a lot of people hated the 'immorality' and the police was out every night, arresting and beating up homosexuals in the streets. He even knew it got worse every day. But Pembroke was literally inciting them to hate even more. And he was sure something must have caused all that.
He remembered a few years back, it was no big deal at all. At least not for theatrical matters. People came from everywhere watching drag shows and it was pretty common there existed this 'other world' around them. But now things had changed and he couldn't explain why. No one could actually and that was what bothered him a lot.
Could be his own perception changed over the years. It must have. He remembered being completely shocked when he met Roger for the first time. He just couldn't grasp someone could really live like that; worst of all it was hard to understand a man who openly loved other men. But he'd had to admit apart from all these girlish habits and the drama queen he oh so often could be, Roger was a pretty nice guy. It didn't take him that long to see through that and he still felt ashamed of how he had reacted back then.
So, maybe all those years being so close to one of them changed him. Or maybe it was the time he'd spent with Leo.
Max sighed, putting another paper aside. It most likely had been Leo. He'd laughed at anyone some years ago who told him he was going to love another man just the way Roger did. He'd have called them crazy. And just that moment Max realized how long it really had taken him to finally admit this little fact to himself. But it was true. Leo had been right. He was one of them. As much as he had had his eyes closed. As much as he hadn't wished to see it and as much as he had denied it, even while he was long but sure he loved that boy... He was one of them.
Max almost had to laugh realizing that for the first time maybe.
"I've been even a bigger idiot than I thought," he said to himself. And the longer he thought about it, the more he was determined to find out how to stop Pembroke. His eyes wandered over to the little business card the old man gave to him. He had sloppily thrown it on the desk when he was back that night and hadn't wasted one more thought about it ever since.
But now he slowly took it, watching the blue words which were carefully written on it again.
"What is he planning?" he thought. The Stonewall wasn't really a place he would think about when it came to 'cleaning' the streets. Christopher Street was well known to be the street for homosexuals of any kind anyway. Why not keep them there? And the Stonewall was just one of many bars; and not even a good one for that matter. A doss house with no license or running water. And since selling alcohol to homosexuals was illegal they practically had nothing. What was the point in starting anything there then?
"Damn it," Max thought. "Leo had always been so much better in finding out this kind of stuff..."
But there was nothing for it. As much as the younger man managed to sneak back into his mind, there was no way he could undo what he had done. Even if he regretted it for the rest of his life. But maybe there was a small chance Max could do at least a little to avoid any more danger. Keeping Leo safe was just one step. He was quite certain there was no way Leo would ever grow to understand it, but he was out of it now. And that was all that mattered.
"You shouldn't really think that much," he reminded himself again.
Max shook his head. He had to get rid of these memories. In one way or another. So, he grabbed just another newspaper and sat down on the leather couch, starting to turn the pages slowly so he wouldn't miss anything.
It was mainly the random stuff one was able to find in every other magazine about Pembroke.
Max turned another page, expecting the usual things again. But suddenly his eyes widened and he almost jumped up, tearing down the piles of papers surrounding him.
"Holy crap," he yelled and ran over to the desk, turning on the table lamp. He bend over and carefully read the little part he just found again and again. Then he quickly turned to the front page again, double-checking the date.
"Fifteen years ago?"
He couldn't believe it. But it made so much sense all of a sudden. This was it. The very reason why Pembroke acted the way he did. And he had the evidence there, right in front of him.
So, maybe if he used this against him, he could stop at least a little of it.
A huge wave of excitement ran through Max that moment. He didn't really believe he would actually find something after all these nights. But as sure as he knew he had finally found the one little piece helping him out, he had no clue where to start at the same time. And he flinched slightly when a knock on his door harshly ripped him out of his euphoria.
He turned his head to the door and back to the paper in front of him once or twice, before he rather impetuously started to walk towards the door.
"God damn it," he heard himself swearing and opened it quickly, ready to yell anyone away who dared to disturb him just now.
But as determined as he was while ripping that door open, the heavier felt the impact of the sudden calming when he looked into the big blue eyes of Diane standing in front of him, looking as though she'd start to cry any second.
Max sighed.
"Oh come on!" he said. "What do you want here? I thought I've told you not to contact me again?!"
"I know you did," she answered with a voice almost as quiet as a mouse. "But I had to. I'm sorry. I...You're the only person I can talk to about that."
"I am not a shoulder for you to cry on," Max replied quickly, but at the same time noticed how aggressive he sounded. It surely wasn't intended and he almost felt sorry when he saw the small woman in front of him jerking. Well, she deserved it showing up here again. Why should he help her again? And how on earth was he supposed to leave Leo behind him when that girl found a way to remind him again every now and then, for that was surely the purpose of her seeking his company again. He thought about just closing the door and cutting her out once and for all. But yet, a small voice inside of him kept telling him not to do that.
He shook his head once, more to himself and turned his gaze away, biting his lips. Then he stepped aside and opened the door a little more, making room for her to come in.
She didn't seem to get it at first and simply remained where she was, looking at him in a questioning way that almost made him shudder.
"Do you mind?" he asked, now a lot quieter. "I'd rather not have the whole neighborhood knowing what you want to ask and I'm pretty sure you don't want that either."
A small smile appeared in Diane's eyes and Max could read the huge 'Thank you' written clearly all over her face when she quickly moved past him inside.
….
"Are you sure you don't want me to come along?"
Leo shook his head. Carmen worried to much. He knew both of them, Roger as well as Carmen, only meant well but he needed to do that himself. He couldn't tell them though.
"Please try to understand," he said gratefully. "I shocked her and was beyond rude. I just have to do this alone."
He smiled at them while putting on his coat and then turned and carefully closed the door behind him.
"I knew he'd feel bad about it," Roger said.
"Yeah," Carmen simply stood next to him. He felt responsible for the whole mess a lot and even though Roger as well as Leo assured him, it wasn't his fault at all he couldn't shake it. Leo hadn't been angry at him for telling Diane what he did. No, on the contrary. When Carmen tried to apologize he simply replied. "She had to find out. Don't worry about it."
But still he kept on thinking he never should have talked to that girl in the first place. And now, Leo was out there, trying to apologize for what he had said to her. At least her words seemed to have their affect on him in a way. He just couldn't go on acting the way he had been. Leo was not the person not to care about anyone anymore. And as much as he tried to lock his heart away, he just wasn't able to not being who he was or maybe always had been.
Carmen looked up again when he felt Roger's hand on his chin softly pushing his head up.
"Don't you worry that much," he gently said. "He'll be fine. He'll talk to that girl and after a little time everything will be back to normal. No scars are meant to hurt forever."
"I just hope you're right!" Carmen answered, softly stroking Roger's hand. "I really hope you are..."
….
Diane walked inside the office, carefully looking around. She'd always imagined a producer's office to look differently. This looked more like an apartment with all the little things standing around, the piles of books everywhere and hundreds of pictures on the walls. She recognized Leo on many of them.
Her eyes wandered around as she stopped in the middle of the room. There obviously were more rooms in the back of this here, which served as the 'official' office and she instantly wondered why someone as well known as Max really lived here too. She'd always imagined someone like him would make a strict cut between his personal and professional life, but the borders here clearly became blurred.
Her eyes rested on the huge desk in the middle on which the lights of the city cast a strange orange glow and underlined by the light of the table lamp standing on it, it made the whole table appear as though it was glowing and kind of distracted her from anything else. But when her eyes got used to the darkness around her, she couldn't believe what she was seeing.
"You...Are you sleeping on that couch?" she asked carefully, not taking her gaze away from the pillow and a blanket which were simply flung over the backrest of it. Only little space was there to actually sit on and she only now noticed the piles of newspapers stacking up around that couch or lying around all over the floor.
Max passed her and moved behind the desk without answering. She followed him with his eyes, but didn't dare to say anything. This was odd. He couldn't actually live like that. Although she's heard of people doing this, she also heard most of them would rather die than letting anyone witnessing it. So obviously, this guy didn't care at all what she could possibly be thinking. And that made even less sense since he must have plenty of space. And Max Bialystock wasn't exactly famous for not caring about people's opinions. That much she had learned.
She turned once more to look outside the huge french windows and suddenly wondered why the image of someone hiding in a shelter popped up like that inside of her. This indeed looked like he wasn't really keen on the world outside or anyone in general.
"Funny," she thought. "He seemed so different outside."
And all of a sudden it felt strange to stand there for...she didn't even know how long. But without either of them saying anything it only appeared to be longer than it was in reality. Plus there was that tension in the room. A tension between two people of whom neither wished the presence of one another. She felt it clearly and she knew he was thinking the same.
She lowered her head a little and almost humbly dared to look at him again.
Max sat on the desk-chair with his arms crossed, also looking outside and tried his very best to ignore she was there, but she could tell he was waiting for her to start speaking.
"Why do you keep it that dark in here?" she asked timidly.
She thought he was about to ignore her again, since it took quite some time before he took a breath to answer. But then he closed his eyes.
"Well, sometimes," he began almost not audible. "You want to keep things you don't want to see in the dark..."
What the hell was that supposed to mean? She didn't understand and it made her feel even more uneasy. How could Leo insist of him being his best friend? This guy was just scary in so many ways. He didn't appear nicer, even after she managed to talk to him. But then again, she didn't plan to see him that privately before. And didn't he help her the first time too? But somehow Diane didn't know what to do to get him to trust her.
"Please don't take this the wrong way, but..." she heard his voice again and lifted her head slightly. He was still sitting motionless in that chair but now their eyes met. "What exactly is it you want?"
This was surprising. She never expected him to start. And even though he looked as grumpy as ever, his voice sounded a lot softer than minutes before. It was almost as though he sensed the nervousness that grew stronger inside of her and oddly enough, he seemed to know exactly what to do to blight it.
"I need to know...the truth," she began hesitantly. "About...about Leo."
Max sighed and looked down again. Slowly he stood up and based himself on the table.
"Didn't I help you already?" he asked quietly. "What else do you want from me? I told you I didn't want to talk about him. Not with you or anyone. You know where to find him, don't you? You can go and ask him yourself."
"I did, but..."
"What the hell do you need me for then?" Max lifted his head so suddenly, it almost caused Diane to jump backwards. His voice grew louder with every word and even if he managed to calm her a little before, he burned his bridges again right now.
"I didn't mean to upset you...," she tried to calm him, but there was no use.
"What else do you think am I supposed to do?" Max yelled. "Come along with you? I won't do that, I'm sorry. I already gave you more than I ever should have."
"He didn't talk to me!" Diane desperately yelled back at him.
"Well, then you know what you wanted to know, right?" Max stopped shortly. He didn't know himself why that girl caused such anger inside of him. But every single time she approached him, everything around him seemed to break down again.
"Please, I ….It was a week ago... And they told me some things. I just don't believe them," she continued. "I cannot comprehend that. And you must know if they are right."
"What makes you think I know about whatever they told you?" Max asked, now slowly stepping closer and causing Diane to stumble backwards on the leather couch.
"You are..."
"I WAS, GOD DAMN IT!" Max was frighteningly close to her now. "Don't you get that? I was his friend. There's nothing more we have to say to each other. I don't know how to help you. I don't know what he does, nor do I care! So, please... Will you stop mentioning his name once and for all?"
"What happened to you? Everything was fine when I first met you," she didn't want to give up that easily. "Please, tell me! Leo was so strange as well."
But Max looked away, just shaking his head.
"Please," he whispered and turned away. "I cannot help you."
There was her chance. She noticed immediately. Whatever caused this in him, he stopped screaming.
But then, Diane froze. He wasn't calming down. No, not at all. It seemed almost as though her words were hurting him. She slowly shook her head. This was not possible. Why would they?
That man in front of her grew to be a riddle to her. He was bad tempered and distant in one moment, yet he helped her. He let her in. Then he started screaming just like that and now the pure mention of Leo's name made him almost break down.
She didn't know what to say. Her whole body relaxed slowly and she even dared to turn her head a little. Her gaze fell on the paper which lay open on the desk.
She could make out the headline and slowly stretched to read the rest of it.
"You're trying to find out about Pembroke?" she realized.
Max turned in surprise, only to find her leaning over the article reading through it.
"None of your concern," he replied and rushed forwards trying to take the newspaper away from her, but he came too late. She pressed her arms steadily on it. So there was no way for him to get it.
"So it is true then?" she asked. "He is the one behind all these actions going on in the streets?"
Max looked at her. Did Roger and Carmen tell her that? He didn't dare to ask. But he thought about it. If she knew that much he might as well could tell her. She'd read that article anyway. So maybe it was better if people knew what they were dealing with, right? But what if Pembroke found out? What if she told him what he was doing here? But then again, she said herself no one will know she was here, right?
"Damn it," Max closed his eyes and rubbed his head shortly, before slowly coming closer to her.
"He is planning something," he said quietly. "I don't know what, so don't ask. But I know he is up to something."
She turned towards him, searching for a sign in his face that told her whether he meant it this time or not. Max noticed. He'd always hated it when people were obviously trying to read him, but then again he didn't know why he was that worried. She didn't know anything about him. Hell, she even told him she was scared of him. And her reactions just moments ago were doing the rest. She couldn't possibly know.
"Here," he said, bending forward and pointing at a small part in the article. "I think there must be a reason he acts the way he does. A reason why... why he hates people who are, well... different."
"You mean homosexuals?" she asked and Max nodded.
"I figured something must have caused this hatred and I guess I've found it," he said, pushing the paper closer to her. "Read it."
She finally seemed to be convinced Max meant no harm this time. So, she stepped closer, stopping beside him and slowly started to read.
"... but beyond all that, Arthur Pembroke has quite a dramatic past to look back to as well. When the message of his son's death reached him, he 'didn't know what hit him'. So he said himself.
Pembroke's son died while being away with friends some years ago. Due to the police he had been involved in a brawl down at Christopher Street when things escalated quickly..."
"He's had a son?" Diane asked not believing what was written there in front of her.
Max nodded.
"He obviously had," he answered. "And if this is right... If he really got killed on Christopher Street, he either blames every queer in town for it or, and I think that's more likely the case... His son was one of them."
"Do you really think that?" Diane looked at him with wide eyes.
"Why would someone walk around exactly that street with his friends in the middle of the night?" Max asked in return. "I don't know for sure of course. But I think the death of his son is the very reason all this happens. It's some kind of revenge."
Diane caught herself nodding at his words as well. But then another thought crossed her mind.
"So, they were right?" she asked. "Leo could be in danger too..."
Max whirled around and this time he stared at her in shock.
"What?"
A weak smile appeared on her face, seeing this.
"So it IS true," she stated. "I can see it in your eyes. He indeed is one of them."
Max didn't move at first. He didn't even know what to say. He was petrified. How could she possibly know that?
"How did you find out?" Max asked, sighing deeply. He hesitated once or twice asking this. As much as he wished not to ask it, he still had to know. And he felt himself giving up. His voice sounded hoarse and it was almost as though the huge weight of keeping a secret like that to himself for so long just dropped off him.
"He told me," she answered. "When I was there at Carmen's and Roger's place."
"He did?" Max didn't look up. Instead he put his head in his hands, trying to breath.
"I didn't want to believe it," she continued, not taking her eyes away. "I thought it was just something he said to stop me asking any more. But seeing you... I never believed he was...you know..."
"What? Gay?" Max looked up and saw her nodding quickly. Then she slowly turned and sat down on the couch again.
"So that's why he was so distant all of the time," she said. "He tried to hide it. I've thought about it a lot. He never mentioned a girlfriend either. I just assumed it. And he just never corrected me. I should have known. But I seriously thought...I thought he knew he could trust me."
Max listened to her. What on earth was he supposed to reply? He wasn't able to sooth her, nor was he able to answer anything. He didn't know Leo talked about that much with her.
"I'm sorry I came here and bothered you again," she said, looking up at him again. To his horror tears were running down her cheeks now. "I just … I thought I could help him. However. He is suffering. I saw it. He is a picture of misery. Only a shade of who he used to be. He said it was over. So, whoever it was that broke his heart... I'm sorry. I just thought I could help him to get over this. But obviously, I don't know half of it."
Max shook his head. She didn't know. She only assumed. A small part of him was really impressed just now. She had a way in concluding things which was just amazing. On the other hand she seemed so desperate.
So, he slowly moved over to her and sat down beside her. He lifted his arm and tried to comfort her by gently stroking her back.
"It wasn't your fault," he said softly. "Leo...He had to hide. He had to conceal a lot of who he was from a lot of people. And the fact he told you that much about himself... He must really like you."
"Why did you two separate?" she sobbed. "He told me you were his best friend. You've worked together for years. And now, all of a sudden he vanishes and you don't even want to hear his name anymore?"
Max swallowed his own words for a moment.
"Did you find out too?" she asked silently. "I could completely understand if this was hard to deal with. "
Max shook his head.
"What was it then?" she asked. Max could see her tears dripping down her chin. "He needs you. If he really got dumped...He needed you more than anyone else. How could you pull yourself away just like that?"
"Don't ask," he managed to reply.
"Why not?"
"Please...," he shook his head, closing his eyes.
"Please, I need to understand," she cried. "Why would you leave him alone in his pain? In a world that became that dangerous? You are his best friend. How can you do that to him?"
Max opened his eyes slowly. "Why are you so interested in this? People change. This is how the world goes. It always worked that way. Why would a broken heart change anything?"
He couldn't bare it anymore. The picture of Leo crying his eyes out appeared in front of him and almost broke his own heart. He never wanted him to suffer. And just thinking about it made him feel weak in an instance.
"Because broken hearts can be mended," she answered. "If you have the people you love beside you."
Enough. This was it. Max got up again, turning his back on her and crossing his arms. His own blood was pounding in his ears and he held his eyes closed. He didn't want to hear this. He'd taken a step too far anyway.
"Please...," she repeated once more, still sobbing. "I care for him. I can't endure seeing him like that...I...I..."
"You love him," Max turned around. His eyes looked sadly at her and he felt as though his whole body was about to break in half. A tugging pain shot through his whole being.
Diane on the the other hand became quiet. She stared at him in shock with tears still glittering in her big eyes, which were red from the emotions so desperately trying to find a way out of her.
"What?" she whispered. "What...what makes you think that?"
She didn't take her gaze away, nor did she move anymore. She just sat there as though turned to stone. Her fists grabbed the couch so hard, Max could see her knuckles turning white.
"You can't possibly know what I am feeling," she whispered. It was so quiet Max was nearly notable to hear it.
But he simply nodded.
"Oh yes, I can see it," he answered. "It's in your whole being. I know that look too well."
"How do you know?" she asked desperately.
"Because, I know how you feel," he replied, closing his eyes once more. "Because I know..."
"Know what?"
He held his breath for a long time. He could hear his own heartbeat and he was pretty sure everyone within a mile was able to hear it as well. All the sounds around himself muffled magically.
And when he finally opened his eyes again, he spoke in determined voice he completely forgot about himself.
"I know what it feels like to miss him," he began. "I know what it is like to look into his eyes and finding the world for yourself. I know how light you feel when he laughs. Or how unimportant everything appears to be when he simply stares into space, completely giving in to his own little world no one but him had access to. I know what it sounds like when he calls out your name and how your heart seemingly stops for a second. I know how he looks when he is angry or sad. I know how his tears look like. I know how secure you fell lying next to him, just seeing him sleep. I know what he smells like and I know perfectly well how you're not able to go on without him."
Diane's eyes grew bigger with every word she heard. She felt her jaw drop and she almost stopped breathing.
"I was involved in a car accident about a year ago. I've lost every memory of him or the people around me. Just everything. And Leo was the only one standing beside me the whole time. That night. When he came into your diner for the first time... We've had a fight. I hurt him a lot and he was about to completely give up on me. But it was then...when I thought I'd lost him, everything came back to me. I remembered. And I guess it was you who brought Leo back to his senses back then. I think he believed I would never change. But the truth is, he made me change. In every possible way. And I guess I've never really thanked you for that. You saved my reason to go on for me."
Max turned to look at her again. Diane didn't dare to move a muscle.
"That's exactly why I had to get rid of him. As hard as that sounds," he said. "He wasn't safe here. Pembroke knew way too much and suspected him anyway. I wasn't able to protect him. And I knew what this man was capable of. So as painful as this is for him. As well as for me," he stopped shortly, trying to calm his shaking hands. "I'd rather have him crying his heart out than seeing him lying in the streets. Covered in blood because someone just cannot accept the fact I found out he is the most perfect being on earth. You just can't chose whom you fall for. And I couldn't let Pembroke near him. I just couldn't."
They stared at one another for an eternity. Diane had to handle every single word she heard. She was shocked. Probably more shocked than ever before in her life. This just couldn't be. But yet, it all made sense in the glimpse of a second. Everything.
And she was perfectly sure Max wasn't lying a bit. Just the way he looked at her made her know he spoke the truth. Stunned, she clutched her hands to her mouth.
"It was you!" she whispered.
~ To be continued ~