Chapter 10:
Kirino Ranmaru- Why Don't You Love Me
A nightmare. That is the only befitting term to describe Kirino Ranmaru's situation. A horrible nightmare that he can't seem to wake up from, no matter how many times he tries to scream and pinch himself.
Today is the second day of his absence from school. The reason for his leave is simple: depression. It isn't as severe as other cases, but it is still bad. His parents and friends have tried everything to get him to come out of his room, but nothing worked. Nothing can remove the pain that the young man feels in his chest. Nothing.
"Ranmaru, please, open up. It's been two days. You haven't come out at all and you haven't eaten anything. Please, just open the door." pleads his mother.
Kirino pulls his covers over his head. Not even his mother's amazing home cooking could serve as solace. All he wants is to be left alone. All he wants is to forget. But most of all... all he wants is for her to return the love he harbors for her.
"Ranmaru, please-"
"Go away."
"This isn't healthy! Sweetie, maybe we should see a doctor. Or a therapist. You need help... serious help."
"Mom, I get that you only mean well but please... I need to be alone right now."
"That's all you've been saying these past two days! How long exactly is 'right now'?! Baby, I get that you're hurt. Heartbroken, even. But would [l/n]-chan really want to see you like this? What would you do if she found out? If she saw you like this? You're still her friend, sweetie. That's gotta count for something." says Kirino's mother.
Suddenly, the door bursts open only to reveal an angry middle-school boy with pink hair. "That's exactly why. I would have preferred she told me to piss off and leave her alone forever but no. She told me she wants to 'stay friends' and that is exactly why it hurts so bad, mom! How do you think I can continue what I had with her after that? After this?! Nothing is going to be the same when I get back and that's why I refuse to leave!" shouts Kirino.
"Try talking to her. I'm sure everything will get better if-"
"Everything will just get more complicated! I don't want her to feel pressured by my unrequited feelings for her. If I go back now..." Kirino shakes his head and slams his fist against the door. "... she would only feel remorse. I know her. I don't want her to feel guilty because none of this is her fault. It's mine for being stupid enough to believe that I was ever any good for her."
A pregnant silence fills the air. Neither Kirino or his mother say a word as they both stand on opposite sides of the hallway, each refuse to look at each other.
"W-well then," Kirino's mother than clears her throat. "at least have something to eat. I'll bring your dinner up in a minute so don't you dare lock that door, okay?"
There is nothing for a few seconds, but then the rosette speaks. "Alright, then."
"[L/n] please! He's suffering!"
"Let go, Shindou! What do you want me to do?! Fake it with him and then dump him 'when the time is right' later on? I can't do that!" shouts [l/n] as she frees her wrist from Shindou's grasp.
Shindou backs away before sighing, "why did you do that? Why did you reject his feelings for you? Why don't you love him after everything he's done for you? He's the only one who has ever been there for you so why? At least answer that. You owe him that much."
She can't reply. Truth be told, she doesn't even know why. Why did she do that? Didn't she love him at all? Of course she did. She still does. So why, why did she push him away? Why didn't she let him cross the boarder of friendship?
"'Why', huh?" she chuckles sadly. "Honestly, what good would my answer do? Would you report it to him so he could change himself to fit my criteria for a boyfriend? I don't want that. I just want to be his friend."
"Stop being so stupid and selfish, [l/n]!" shouts Shindou.
The girl's eyes widen as she is taken aback by Shindou's words. He must really be angry with her now or else he wouldn't snap at her and say such things. Sighing in defeat, the poor girl gives in.
"Fine, then. You're right... I owe him an explanation." she starts sadly. "You see, I'm just too scared to tell him the truth because my heart ache can't take any more. No one knows this, Kirino included, but I actually just went through a really bad break-up with someone. He doesn't go here so I doubt you know him. Anyways, I'm still pretty broken and bruised from that so I can't accept Kirino's feelings right now. I probably could had the timing been better, but not now. Not when I'm incapable of properly reciprocating those feelings. Kirino is a good person and he deserves to be loved just as much as he loves, and unfortunately I can't give him that now."
Shindou stares at the girl in disbelief. "[l/n]... I am so sorry. I didn't mean to shout, it just... I didn't know. I thought you were being selfish. I'm sorry. I'll tell Kirino right away."
Shindou turns to leave, but he is stopped by a hand pulling his wrist back.
"I did fall in love with him, though." says [l/n].
Shindou turns around, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly ajar. "W-what do you mean?"
"When we were put into the same class, I fell in love with him. However I was just way too scared to tell him because we were good friends and I didn't want to ruin that. During that time I met [exbf/n] and so I decided to move on, because I figured my feelings for him were better off dead. Guess I was wrong." says [l/n].
"Wait, so do you love him?"
"I love him, but I'm not in love with him anymore. However, I would want to be able to fall back in love with Kirino one day. Because when I was in love with him, I was happy even though we were just friends. It was nothing like that with [exbf/n]. I've come to realize that maybe Kirino is the one, but I don't want to use him as a rebound. We both need time to sort out our true feelings. I need time. I know I'm being very selfish, but I can't force myself to rush anything. Forcing myself to love Kirino now would only end up hurting the both of us in the end. But who knows, maybe one day."
"Do you expect him to wait for you?"
"No, if he wishes to move on that's alright with me. He needs to put his own happiness first." replies [l/n] as she lets go of Shindou's wrist. "I hope I was able to clear up everything."
"Yes, thank you for that The whole situation has gotten brighter. Thank you again for your answer, [l/n]. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Likewise, Shindou."
It's been three months since the isolation. Kirino is happily back in school, however things with [l/n] aren't all that great. They greet each other and talk about school work, but that's all there is. No more friendly personal chats.
Kirino doesn't really want to be around her because he knows it will be painful and [l/n] doesn't want to pressure him into reconciling until they're both sure of their feelings and what they want. The feeling is mutual and both secretly decided to give one another some space. For how long, they don't know.
"Kirino-senpai! Your defense was really good in the last game!" praises Tenma.
"Hm? Really? I didn't notice..."
"I agree with Tenma! Ever since you came back to school from that incident you've been a much better player! More focused even! It's like you had some sort of special training those two days you were gone!" says Shinsuke.
"Really? Are you sure it's not because [l/n]-chan doesn't hang around him anymore? It was kind of her fault." says Kariya, earning him a glare from Shindou and a hit on the head from Tsurugi.
"No, it wasn't her fault. What happened was no one's fault, understand?" says Shindou sternly.
"It's fine, Shindou. Yeah, I have to agree with Shinsuke. Ever since [l/n] and I sort of parted ways emotionally... I've been more focused, especially when it comes to soccer. You guys should be glad, if anything." says Kirino jokingly.
"As long as you're okay and you promise not to worry us all like that again." says Shindou, he's been more protective and cautious with his best friend since the incident with [l/n].
Kirino smiles at their concern, "I promise."
[l/n] walks home silently from school. The sun hasn't set yet so she takes her time walking, wanting to watch the sun set on her way home.
Walking down her usual path, she begins to hum the tune to a random song. She's been humming tunes lately and she doesn't know why. Her friend told her that humming tunes is an indication of happiness and serenity, which [l/n] believed to be ridiculous until now. Perhaps her friend was right. Maybe she is happy. But why she's happy, she's yet to figure out.
"You still take the same route home, I see."
[l/n] looks behind her only to see Kirino. She stops walking and faces him completely. Not knowing how to greet her old friend, she says the first thing that comes to mind. "As do you."
"What do you mean? I don't live anywhere around here. I just need to get something from the convenience store..." replies a confused Kirino.
[l/n] blushes as she realizes her mistake. Talking casually with Kirino is going to be more difficult than she though. "Right... my mistake, then." she replies.
Kirino smiles but he doesn't say anything. Not sure what to do, [l/n] quickly smiles back before turning back on her way. "Well, it was nice talking to you, Kirino. See you in school."
"Wait."
[l/n] stops walking again. She turns around to face him, "yes?" she asks.
"I just want to say that if it isn't a problem with you... I would like to start over. From the top. Not as friends but as acquaintances and then friends." says Kirino seriously.
[l/n] is taken aback by the proposal. Sure, it would be nice, but what if there would be a relapse in time and the whole incident will happen all over again? That isn't happening on her watch.
"Just friends?" she asks.
"Just friends. Anything more would be far too complicated, I don't want to go through that again and I'm sure you wouldn't either. I do miss your company, though. So if it's fine by you, would it be alright to start over?" asks Kirino.
[l/n] looks at him intently. His eyes are honest and he doesn't look like he's planning anything else. She also misses him dearly so perhaps it would be nice. To start over. To act like the past never happened. She doesn't want to start thinking about falling back in love with him yet, but maybe if they started over, she could. And this time, she could return his feelings properly. It would take time, though. A lot of time. Possibly even years. It is worth the wait in her eyes, though.
"It's perfectly fine with me." says [l/n].
Kirino gives her a gentle smile. "That's great! Well then, I have to get going, [l/n]-san. See you in school tomorrow." says Kirino as he waves goodbye.
"You too, Kirino-kun. You too."
Here's Kirino! I know it's been too damn long and I apologize for that. I had to deal with something personal. Anyways, I apologize again if it isn't what you were expecting but I just didn't want to do a cliche happy ending where the reader and character end up together. I wanted to do things differently for this one and add a bit of mystery. Anyways, I'm doing Kazemaru next so fans of his... brace yourselves! His chapter may be better than the rest because he is my favorite character and I'm sure I could write a fairly well chapter for him. Also, I'll also be posting the playlist of songs that inspired the chapters. I'll make a playlist after every ten chapters so here it is:
Chapter one: Melodies- Madison Beer
Chapter two: In Your Room- Halestorm
Chapter three: Bubbly- Colbie Calliat
Chapter four: Trouble is a Friend- Lenka
Chapter five: Beautiful With You- Halestorm (Yes, I am a HUGE Halestorm fan)
Chapter six: I Love You- Avril Lavigne
Chapter seven: If I Were a Boy- Beyonce feat. R Kelly
Chapter eight: Check Yes Juliet- We The Kings (Love this band! Will do more of their songs for sure!)
Chapter nine: Terrible Things- Mayday Parade (again, obsessed with this band. Might do another one of theirs, we'll see)
Chapter ten: Why Don't You Love Me- Hot Chelle Rae feat. Demi Lovato
So those were the past ten songs used! If you haven't heard them, check them out because why not. Anyways, 'til the next chapter!