*Story Note: Ok readers, here's the plan! we have 1 more chapter to go with this story. This will catch us up to where "It's too late" ended. But never fear! That's not the end! When this story is complete look for the next one: "Realizations" - which will complete the trilogy and all will be revealed, I promise. *looks at muses*

*Chapter note: So this was going to be where Elizabeth, Mary, and Karen talk and Katie finds the sonogram pic -but- the muses that other plans! Instead, Elizabeth uses more of her "sixth" sense to ferret out the truth and gives Mary an important letter. Mary begins to awaken to the truth of her feelings. . . .

"I just – I don't think I can do this alone, Elizabeth. I was really counting on Marshall's support."

Her forehead wrinkled. "I know you're going to miss him, sugar. But he's only going to Seattle, not Australia or someplace far away. I'm sure he'll come back for the birth. And it's not like he's the father, is it?"

I tried not to bite my lip and give myself away as I struggled with how to answer Elizabeth's seemingly innocent question. I had already caused Marshall so much pain – and I didn't even know if Peanut was his. How could I cause more pain to him and this wonderful woman by telling her something I wasn't sure of myself? Thinking fast, I backed away from the precipice on which I was standing.

"It's just that Marshall has been my partner for almost seven years and he knows me better than anyone else, even Raphael. We're going to have some knockdown, drag out fights when he gets back and finds out I'm pregnant and I won't quit my job. He hates what I do," I finished softly.

"Doesn't he realize how important your job is to you? That being a US Marshal is in your blood, just like it is in Marshall's?" Elizabeth said with a frown.

I snorted. "The only thing Raph has ever been passionate about is baseball and that came to an end last year when he blew out his knee. Since then he's been loafing around, trying to find something to take up his time. But when he finds out I'm pregnant? He's going to go all caveman on me. Beat his chest, club me over the head, drag me back to the cave and tell me to cook some meat, while he goes off to provide for his family."

Elizabeth laughed. "Mary, you'd never settle for that kind of treatment in a million years!"

I shook my head. "Damn right I won't – that's why we'll have the fights and probably call off the wedding and then it will just be me and Peanut."

"You don't seem all that upset by the idea that you and Raph might call off the wedding?"

I shrugged. "It's inevitable, really. No one stays, Elizabeth."

"Sugar, please forgive me for asking, but where the hell did you get such a ridiculous idea?"

I blinked at the anger behind her words, and then sighed. "It's from life experience, Elizabeth. The person I loved the most in this world walked out on me when I was six years old."

"Your father."

I nodded, as I wrapped my arms around my knees again and tried to resist the urge to rock. "My dad left, leaving me to pick up the pieces of our family the best I could. Believe me, Elizabeth, I learned from an early age that I was better off not relying on people because they were unreliable. They would hurt you and let you down and eventually leave, just like he did."

"Mary, listen to me. Just because he left doesn't mean everyone you rely on will leave you too. Look at all the people you have in your life today: your mom, your sister, Raphael, Karen and her kids, Stan, Marshall, me. That's a pretty long list, sugar, of people who love you and are still here."

"But for how long? I've already driven Marshall away. It's only a matter of time before the rest of you get fed up with my crap and leave too." I muttered as I stared at the floor. "Let's face it, I'm not the easiest person to love. In fact most of the time I can be a bitch to those who are the closest to me. I have no idea what Raph sees in me, let alone why he wants to marry me. You'd think that Raph would know me the best since he's my fiancé, wouldn't you?" I turned my head and looked at Elizabeth as I shook my head. "But he doesn't. It's Marshall, it's always been Marshall – and I've put him through hell. I've been mean and cruel and cutting and he's endured it all because he's in love with me!" I laughed. "I still can't believe it! Why would he be in love with me? He deserves so much better."

Elizabeth stared at me in silence for a few minutes before she slowly got to her feet. "I'll be right back," she whispered.

I stared after her in confusion, wondering if I had finally said too much. But she was back before I could even think about leaving.

She sat next to me on the floor again and my eyes were instantly drawn to a folded envelope in her hand. She leveled her piercing blue eyes at me, eyes that were exact copies of her son's.

"I can't answer your questions about why Marshall loves you, Mary. But I do know that he has loved you for a very long time. You are all he talks about – even back in the first year of your partnership when you were driving each other crazy. He's only been on a handful of dates since you came into his life and none of them ever warranted a second date. He's taken a bullet for you and he's waited for you for years and now he decides to transfer? What aren't you telling me?"

"Please, Elizabeth, I don't want to hurt you too," I whispered, dropping my eyes.

I felt her fingers under my chin and she forced my eyes back up to meet hers. She gazed into mine wordlessly for a moment before nodding.

"Is the baby Marshall's?"

My throat was suddenly dry and tight, making speech difficult. "I don't know," I croaked. "But it could be."

Elizabeth nodded again. "Am I going to have to browbeat the two of you and hogtie you before you'll talk to each other about this?"

"We didn't exactly part on the best of terms tonight. And I know that I could have told him about the baby before now but with Raph out of town I guess I was waiting for him to come back so I could tell them both at the same time."

Elizabeth's eyebrows rose. "Together? In the same room?" She was trying not to laugh.

I bit my lip, trying not to smile. "No, I don't have a death wish!"

"If you wait much longer, the baby is going to tell them for you."

I rubbed my forehead wearily. "I – can we talk about this in the morning? I've never been good with talking about my feelings and I'm suddenly exhausted."

Elizabeth agreed that I needed to rest and she helped me off the bathroom floor. I motioned to the envelope in her hand.

"What's that?"

"Oh, I almost forgot!" She placed it in my hand. "Remember you were saying you didn't know how Marshall could love you? Well, maybe this will answer some of your questions. I found it tucked in the pages of his Seattle guidebook."

I swallowed as I looked at his handwriting on the front. It read: l'amour Cherie, Mary. "If this entire thing is in French, I'm not coming to you for a translation," I muttered as I blushed.

Elizabeth laughed. "I understand. But I will tell you that l'amour Cherie means 'darling love'."

I rolled my eyes. "He's such a romantic sap. It's all those girly movies he watches." I headed to his room to get a pair of my pajamas but Elizabeth's voice made me stop and turn in the doorway.

"Oh, Mary? I don't want to hear any more talk of you not being 'good enough' for Marshall. Even if that baby isn't my grandchild, you're still a beautiful woman inside and out and I'd be proud to have you for a daughter-in-law."

1:33am

I woke up gasping for breath, the sheets tangled around my legs, my skin sticky with a light layer of sweat. My eyes darted around the room, taking in the surroundings that were familiar and yet different from my own bedroom at home. As I wiped the remainder of tears from my cheeks, there was a soft knock at the door before it opened. Elizabeth stood framed in the doorway, backlit by the light from the hallway, in her nightgown and slippers. She shuffled into the room and stood at the foot of the bed.

"Mary, sugar? Are you all right?"

The day's events ran through my mind in a moment, ending with the nightmare of Marshall's shooting that I had just woken up from in terror.

I pulled myself up to a sitting position, leaning back against the headboard. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth, did I wake you?"

She came and sat next to me on the bed. "Don't worry about me," she waved her hand dismissively. "You're the one that was crying out in your sleep. Nightmare, I take it?"

"Yes."

"What was it about?"

I blew my breath out in a loud sigh. "You have to ask?"

"The night Marshall got shot?"

I nodded.

"He's okay, Mary. He's alive and well across town in the hospital, and he's coming home tomorrow."

"My subconscious mind seems to have a hard time remembering that fact."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

I grinned sheepishly. "I'm hungry."

Elizabeth laughed. "How about I fix you a midnight snack? What would you like?"

"You'll laugh."

"Are you having cravings already?"

"Sort of. I hate bananas, but Peanut loves them."

Elizabeth tapped her chin in thought. "How about a peanut butter banana sandwich?"

My stomach rumbled in the stillness of the room and we both laughed. "I can't believe I'm going to say this but that sounds delicious."

Elizabeth kissed my forehead and told me to stay put; she would bring me the snack in bed.

As soon as she was out of sight, I pulled the folded envelope out from under the pillow. I had been too much of a coward and too exhausted to open it before falling asleep hours before. Now the missive was burning in my hand and I wondered what message it contained. Would it really answer my questions, like Elizabeth claimed or would it just raise more as my father's always did?

I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths, reminding myself with each one that Marshall was not my father. He was not the man who had walked out on his family. Once he knew about Peanut and if he was indeed the father, there was no doubt in my mind that he would always be there for our child.

But he made the same promise to always stay with you – and he's leaving. Just like your father. He even said you were right this afternoon; that no one stays. And if you can't trust Marshall, who can you trust?

My eyes burned with unshed tears as I tried to shut my inner voice off – the one that also whispered in my ear about not trusting anyone; that I was better off by myself. The problem with listening to that voice was then I remained constantly alone and cut off from those who tried to care for me. And I was discovering that I was getting weary of keeping people at arms' length. They were only trying to love me, God help them! And I was trying to keep them from storming the castle walls of my heart by lobbing mortar shells in the form of verbal insults and physical distance.

To what end? To prove that I, Mary Shannon, wasn't the scared, abandoned little girl left by her father anymore? That I could grab the world by the balls and shake it until it cried 'Uncle'? To prove to everyone that I didn't need family, friends, or a man to fill the aching place in my heart?

What did I need? Isn't that what Marshall used to ask me?

"Tell me what you need."

When was the last time he had asked me that? When did he stop? Why did he stop asking me that? Did he know what I needed?

I glanced down at the envelope still clutched in my hand. Did his letter talk about what he needed? God, why had I never bothered to ask Marshall what he needed?

Because you really are a selfish bitch, Mary Shannon; you take and you take and it takes something earth-shattering like your partner getting shot and nearly dying before you realize what's been right in front of you for years.

The envelope fluttered to the bed.

What if Marshall was what I needed?

Elizabeth interrupted my train of thought as she came back into the room, carrying a tray with a sandwich and a mug on it.

"Sorry I took so long, but I thought you might like some of my cocoa to go with the sandwich." She placed the tray across my lap and the scent of chocolate wafted up to my nose.

I grinned. "You make the best cocoa, Elizabeth." I picked up a sandwich half and took a bite, groaning in delight.

Elizabeth smiled and yawned. "I'm going to head back to bed now if you're sure you'll be all right."

I nodded around the mouthful of food. Swallowing, I managed to ask her, "How did you know – that I'd like the sandwich?"

I could see the twinkle in her eyes clear across the room. "It was Marshall's favorite sandwich as a child. Good night, sugar."

I sighed, knowing that this was not as good as DNA proof that the child I was carrying was Marshall's. Still, I just couldn't ignore the feeling that grew stronger with each passing day that Peanut was his. Before I knew it, I had polished off the sandwich and was settling in with my cocoa. I reached for the envelope and pulled the sheets of paper out. I blew a breath of relief out when I saw that it was in English.

"Mer, I don't even know if I will give this letter to you. It seems the coward's way out to tell you in a letter that I'm leaving. I've put in for a transfer to Seattle, effective immediately. Well, there are some loose ends with witnesses to wrap up, and the sale of my house needs to go through, but as soon as those are taken care of, I will be on my way to the West Coast.

"I know I promised that I would never leave you – that I would be the one to always stay by your side. I know that by transferring to Seattle I am breaking that promise, breaking your trust, and thereby quite possibly severing our relationship. Please try to believe me that it was never my intention to leave you. There is no place I would rather be than by your side.

"This was not always the case. Remember our first year together? We drove each other insane. I honestly don't know why you stayed in New Mexico, why you stayed with me. I drove you crazy with my trivia about little known facts about mammals, my love of all things sci-fi, and the very fact that I thought things through instead of shooting first and asking questions later."

I smiled as I recalled our first year together. It hadn't been easy. I thought Marshall didn't even know how to fire a gun – that he just wore it for a decoration because I'd never seen him draw it! The first time we'd gone to a shooting range and he had actually beaten my score, I'd been livid and had practiced every day for two weeks until I'd beaten it. His constant trivia and sci-fi memorabilia made me want to scream that first year. Now I smiled as I realized was drinking my cocoa out of a Darth Vader mug and we regularly had Star Trek marathons.

"You drove me to distraction as well. I complained plenty to Karen that first year but she wasn't that sympathetic since I had brought you out here in the first place! You were harsh with the witnesses and rushed headlong into danger without stopping to think. You brandished your weapon like it was your favorite toy and not a weapon to be taken seriously. It's still a wonder to me how you didn't end up accidentally shooting me our first year together. But we slowly found our footing and a friendship blossomed.

"I can't tell you when or how I fell in love with you, Mary Shannon, but I can tell you the exact moment I realized I was. It was the case with Marnie when you got the flesh wound in your arm. When I tackled you both to the ground and you lay so still for a moment because I knocked the wind out of you. I thought that was it. That you had been hit and that you were gone. That's when I knew that I was in love with you and I was completely screwed. Then you got up and started giving Marnie hell and everything was back to normal and I buried my feelings – something I've gotten better at over the years."

I blew out another shaky breath as I recalled that day. That was way back in 2005! Marshall had been in love with me for 3 years and hadn't breathed a word of his feelings until after my engagement? Why?

"If I ever get around to giving you this letter, you're going to be wondering about now why on earth I didn't say something about how I felt. What would you have me say, Mary? 'I'm madly in love with you and I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you?' We both know that you would have run for the hills faster than a jackrabbit (which is about 35-40 mph). We'd been partners for almost three years when I realized how I felt about you and I also knew by then that there was no place I wanted to be than by your side. Telling you how I felt would have made you run and I would have lost my best friend, my only friend. So I decided to remain quiet, keep you as a partner and best friend and let the dream of what could be go.

"Some days this decision was easier to face than others. But I never actually thought you would find someone you wanted to share your life with – you always claimed never to be the 'happily ever after' girl, even though I knew better. When Raphael came into your life, I wasn't that concerned. You didn't even acknowledge him as your boyfriend and both of us were completely floored when he popped the question before he left for Florida. When he came back injured, you continued to date him but no mention was made of marriage.

"Then came Lauren, Brandi's arrest, and the fallout. Even now, I can't help but wonder what would be happening if you and I hadn't slept together that night. We never talked about it, not really. You asked if we were ok, do you remember. How was I supposed to answer that, Mary? That was a night I had dreamt about, fantasized about so many times but it had happened for all the wrong reasons and I was feeling like I had taken advantage to you in a weak state.

The tears were starting to slip down my cheeks now. He had felt like he had taken advantage of me? I had felt like I had seduced him! Brandi had been right – we should have talked about what happened between us when it happened.

"Even with my reassurance that everything was OK, you ran away faster than a cheetah (75-125 mph) that morning. Imagine how fast you would have run if I had tried to take you in my arms and made love to you like I wanted to! Even so, it was weeks before I could sleep in my own bed because of the images that flooded my head every time I entered my room. I know now what you feel like, what you sound like, what you taste like, and my senses are still alive with the memories.

A sob threatened to escape my throat and with my free hand I smothered the sound. I, too, had memories from that night that wouldn't be denied. The feel of Marshall's lips as they whispered words and feather light touches over my skin. Had he said 'I love you' that night? I had the vague impression of the words being mouthed against the skin of my neck just before oblivion had taken me.

"What happened next still is painful for me to write down in black and white. You ran – even without knowing the depth of my feelings, you ran. The next thing I knew you were engaged to Raphael and suddenly he knew about WitSec – even now I'm not sure which the bigger betrayal is. Even if our night was nothing more than comfort to you, for me it was all about making love to my l'amour Cherie.

"This is why I can't stay in Albuquerque. Why I can't stay and continue to be your partner after you marry Raphael. Even though I'm angry you told him about WitSec, I trust your judgment that he won't tell anyone. But the heart of the matter is, you are getting married and I can't stay and watch you live your life with someone who doesn't know the real you. I'm not trying to badmouth your fiancé, but we both know that I'm telling the truth. He hates what you do for a living. He wants to have a family and that idea scares you shitless. If, by some miracle he gets you so drunk you don't know what you're doing and you get pregnant, he'll want you to quit and be at home with the baby.

"I can't stay and watch this happen to you. Not that I believe for a second that you'll comply with his wishes but you do have a strong desire to please, Mer. What about you? Has anyone asked what you want? Or is everyone so busy planning your wedding for you? Don't they know that you want a quiet wedding at the courthouse in the middle of the week, with Karen and Brandi as witnesses? Or a backyard barbeque at Karen's afterwards?

"How do I know this? I shouldn't tell you this, Mer, when you're about to get married to another man but here goes. I know because I know you. I know because that's what I want with you. And yes, eventually that life would have included children because contrary to your fears I know that you would make a kickass mother.

I couldn't breathe. Marshall wanted a life with me – a marriage, complete with children. Why did that possibility not scare me as it did with Raphael?

"I'm sorry for sharing my picture with you – and perhaps I will never give you this letter. Perhaps I will take it with me to Seattle and keep it and take it out now and then and look at it. Show it to the grandkids one day and say, 'Yup, your granddad loved this woman in New Mexico once. Wonder whatever happened to her.'

My heart was in my throat. "No, Marshall. We'll show it to our grandkids one day. Together."

Is Mary realizing her feelings for Marshall? Elizabeth is one smart mama, huh? Stay tuned for the last chapter! Reviews are love!