He can't even look over at the detective.
Sam lies on his side and faces away from Deeks' bed, against doctor's orders and the painful shots of pain coming from his abdomen. He has his earphones in, pumping his music loud enough to where he can't hear anything or anyone else in the room. After Deeks' panic attack, doctors had come in and sedated the detective before assessing his injuries. At that point, Sam had decided that the best thing that he could do is block out all of it- hiding behind his music blocked out all the medical mumbo-jumbo, the judging looks, and the whimpers coming from a trembling Deeks.
How could that have happened? I'm a SEAL for crying out loud- how did I freeze up? Is the only thing that's running through Sam's mind as he tries to keep his focus on the ugly yellow paint stain on the wall below the window. Sam has the history of always being the first one in action in a situation, whether it was uncomfortable or plain dangerous. He's seen guys scream out in the middle of the battlefield in pain or get tortured and he'd been still able to act in some capacity to help out his men. Nowhere during his career as a SEAL did he expect a full blown freeze up to happen, especially during trauma that's happened to someone else.
"Sam, look at me."
It's Kens, who's pulled out one of Sam's ear buds, ending his coping mechanism of completely blocking out the rest of the world. Sam turns his head towards Kensi, expecting her trademark angry look, tears or even the sight of her walking away, but instead, he finds her staring down at him with a completely calm and impassive look in her eyes.
"Come and talk to Deeks," Kensi says softly.
Sam pulls out the other ear bud and sits up the best he can. He can see that Michelle and Callen are nowhere to be seen and Deeks is lying on his back again, this time on a neck stabilizer, with his eyes open and his body perfectly still.
"When you started…umm….coping, I guess, with your music, Deeks was still moaning and fidgeting. He was completely out of it until I mentioned your name," Kensi shakes her head in disbelief, "All of us freak him out except for you. I don't know if it's him being angry with you, but…umm…. You need to talk to him for us. He might listen to you so you can tell him that he's safe, that we all love him, and whatever emotions you actually feel about him. So go."
"You sure?"
Kensi pulls the sheets off of Sam and points in the direction of Deeks' bed. "Go. I'll give you guys a minute alone." Kensi takes a few steps back before turning and walking to the door. When she's gone, Sam slides onto shaky feet and makes his way over to the detective's bedside. He lowers himself down onto the empty chair and lets out a painful sigh.
"Did I ever tell you how I got that pendant?" Sam asks, pointing the pendant that's now dangling from Deeks' neck. He knows that the detective won't answer so he continues on, " I was in the middle of Afghanistan when I was walking through an old village that was being emptied out because of the Taliban. There was an older woman who couldn't walk and I had found her on a last sweep on the village. She couldn't speak at all in any way so I had to wait for some older men from the village to help her move while the rest of the SEALs and I had to move out. Right before the woman was being moved, she just out of nowhere handed me that pendent without a word. Two weeks later, my team and I got delayed because of a helicopter malfunction. If we had left as planned, we would have been bombed out of the sky by the Taliban. It's brought me luck for so long and now I think you should have it."
Deeks squeezes his eyes and a single tear rolls down his cheek.
Sam squeezes Deeks' hand empathetically. " I just wanted you to know that. I know that you look up to me and that I'll try to be a better….person to look up. Things will get better, I promise- not just between us, but for everything. I promise. I do care about you, Deeks. When you went missing on the boat, it scared me. Every time that you get in trouble, I get worried just like everyone else because you're a good friend and I should have spent the time training and helping you instead of teasing and blowing you off. I'm so sorry."
Sam stands up and squeezes Deeks' arm. "That's all I'm going to say. I'll leave you alone."
"Sam….Sam….wake up."
Sam groans before he opens an eye and sees Kensi kneeling next to him. By the view of sunlight peeking in the room, he can tell that it's early in the morning and that something's wrong. He pushes himself up with another loud groan and finds himself sitting up and facing Hetty, or at least the top of Hetty's head, at the edge of the bed.
"Good morning, Mr. Hanna," Hetty states simply. She doesn't move or even flinch; Sam blinks a few times to make sure that she's really there.
"Hetty, where were- what time is it? And why's everyone here?" Sam asks when he looks over to see Callen digging through his go-bag by the door, the two analyst sitting cross-legged with their laptops on their laps, Michelle in the hallway, chatting frantically on the phone, and Deeks now asleep in his bed. "What's going on?"
"It's about the nuclear weapons we couldn't recover," Hetty states.
Sam doesn't need more than thirty seconds to know exactly what the problem is. "Someone's got the nukes."
"Khalid Nahili, a two time rumored associate with Al-Qaeda, got them. Sidarov won't say a word on how this man got it, but we do know that he has it."
"How?"
Callen looks up from the duffel bag and exclaims, "The CIA sent us video of Nahili showing off his brand new nukes. It's like he's bragging directly to NCIS about it."
"So what do we do?"
"Mr. Hanna, nothing will happen for you and Mr. Deeks," Hetty answers. "You two will stay here under protection while Ms. Blye and Mr. Callen fly to Kabul to investigate with the CIA."
Sam's eyes travel over towards Michelle in the hallway. Hetty's mention of the CIA brings him the same nauseating , chaotic feeling he's had since the first day of their Sidarov case. "What about Michelle?"
As if on cue, Michelle walks into the room, wearing a pair of hospital scrubs. By her slugged walk, Michelle doesn't look like she can handle traveling from the hallway back to her bed, let alone following Kensi and Callen to the Middle East. His wife makes it to the doorway, rests her arm and takes a deep breath. " The CIA wants me to come to Langley for a briefing and I told them yes. And I was thinking of taking our girls with me."
"So you're going to leave us?" Sam exclaims. He sounds like a child and he doesn't care.
"You'll be under protection while your team gets to work. And if something happens, I know that you'll protect Mr. Deeks at all costs," Hetty says before she walks out of the room without a word.
Kensi squeezes Sam's hand and whispers, "Take care of yourself and Deeks, please."
Sam doesn't get to reply as Callen's already by his bed side, saying, "We'll be back before you know it. And behave while we're gone."
You mean don't break Deeks while you're away? Got it.