Chapter 10-

I heaved another heavy sigh, not pleased in the least to be sitting here. Some servants rushing about grabbing fabrics here and there as the tailor called out to them to get this or that. The man was skilled I have to hand him that; to make a formal kimono in a day's time, very impressive. Or that's what he said he would do.

He was still angry at me; he was very much not pleased when I informed him I would not be removing my mask. He was ranting for hours! Kami he was going off the deep end. Of course I waited patiently and calmly as he finally cooled down.

I at least gave him the benefit of not having to make a cover for my eye, agreeing that letting my eye show for a bit was not so bad. But now he had the poor servants scrambling about because of his anger.

I honestly ignored him as he took more measurements and chose more fabrics, thinking more back on the discussion Tsunade and I shared hours ago.

*_(Flash Back)_*

We walked through the beautiful garden in the palace of the Mizukage; passing the very spot I held the conversation with Gaara. A bit of peacefulness settled between the both of us as we continued to stroll, but a weight also settled in the air; something telling me that this was going to be an intimate conversation.

"Have I ever told you about the days when the three of us were in a team?" Tsunade asked suddenly. She had no need to tell me who 'we' was; it was her and the other two sannin.

"No, you haven't." I answered softly.

"It was back then when I realized who I loved, long after my lover and brother died."

I turned my gaze to look at her form; her face solemn and draw. Pain laced into her features yet hope springing in her eyes. Most likely the opposite of how I must look. My face set calm and my posture mindful, face laced yet eyes filled with crushed hopes and dreams of lost love.

"It was a complicated situation back then. I think it is the reason Orchimaru turned to forbidden techniques and eventually left. You see we were all in a bit of a love triangle." She chuckled a bit. Her eyes clouding over as she recounted the tail of years long ago.

"Orchimaru admitted me, a year and a half, maybe, after my lover died that he was madly in love with Jiraiya. I was, of course, shocked with what he told me, but none the less wished him luck. I clearly remember the small pang in my heart from hearing those words that day, when I realized that pang was disappointment. I discovered that I in fact had some type of feelings for it was too late then to do anything about it; he was in love with our teammate.

But a few weeks after, he came to me again. The poor man was so disheartened. He told me he confronted our team mate, but that Jiraiya respond with 'I'm sorry, but I am in love with the women who has captured my heart'. Again hearing those words left a deep echoing of that pang in my chest. And after that Orchimaru changed, and eventually left. Only seen again when trouble arose and he was defeated."

She paused and took a breath, turning her face to look at me. Years of wisdom, and pain reflected on her face, yet pure intentions were seen. A small smirk now overtook her features.

"Years passed and I never took interest in another again. No one could seem to catch my eye after I departed the village and left my last fellow sannin. Till the day came where he and a little snot nosed brat came looking for me. And they managed to convince me to return to the village as the new Hokage. And all the troubles that came afterwards; the Akatsuki, and Naruto. But then the problem of Paine came and suddenly Jiraiya had to leave again. But this time was different, I asked him, the day before he left, 'Where is that women you were so in love with when Orchimaru confessed to you?' His answer was to stand, place money on the table and walk to the door of the bar. But just as he was about to go through the doors he answered 'I just had a drink with her' and left on his death journey"

I stayed silent as she continued with her tale, the story obviously coming to its end.

"And I didn't realize I loved him almost my entire life until the day we received his message thinking he was dead."

Her eyes were now filled with sadness, the pain most likely still very fresh even as Jiraiya sat back in the village recuperating.

"Don't wait till the moment you realized you could have had something Kakashi. It isn't too late to back out, Mei will understand. And I will try my hardest to keep Naruto from taking your place."

I turned and smiled at her, my gratitude palpable as I regarded her. My answer was clear and final.

"As long as there is a chance for one of the younger shinobi with love in their hearts to be put in my place, I will firmly stand here. Especially if that possibility is high for it to be Naruto." I replied.

Tsunade nodded, as she turned away to head in a different direction.

"Fine then, but I hope this all works out. And I wish you happiness."

*_(End Flash Back)_*

It saddened me to see the strong sannin with pain in her eyes. But I was happy that as soon as this wedding was over she could go back to the village and be with the one she loved. The hope and happiness that was in her eyes when she spoke of the love she held for Jiraiya is what I am trying to preserve. I want all the young ninjas in the village to be able to go back to their loved ones, not to someone they were bond to.

I thought about being able to see that look in Naruto's eyes brought a bit of joy to me, even if I knew it wasn't going to be directed at me. It never was going to be anyway. But to know that I could bring that look over my Love's face if I went through with the wedding was enough to make me grit my teeth and continue with these preparations.

"Very well," The tailor's voice broke the silence between us after a few pain staking hours. I look up into his stressed eyes waiting for him to continue.

"I have everything I need. Please return later tonight, the latest will be early morning, to try on the kimono." I nodded and left the room.

A thought occurred to me; will I even be allowed to visit the village? So with that in mind I headed off to have a conversation with Tsunade and Mei. Seeing as the wedding is tomorrow, I would like to know if I can even leave The Mist.

When I finally located the women, they were together having tea and discussing, what I assume to be the treaty between the villages. The quickly notice my presence and turn their attention to me; well at least I won't have to interrupt.

"Hi Kakashi," Mei said pleasantly. I gave a nod in reply and sat down near the two.

"What brings you here Kakashi?" Tsunade quickly detected the question in my aura.

"Well, I was a bit curious what will happen after the wedding tomorrow."

"After the wedding, what do you mean?" Mei turned her inquisitive eyes to me.

"I mean, will I even be able to visit the Leaf village afterward? Or will I be required to remain in the Mist always?"

Tsunade looked at Mei for a response also.

"Well, considering the delicate nature of the Mist already and the peace trying to go on between our two villages, I would rather you only leave the Mist for business." Mei answered slowly.

But just with that answer I knew, I would never be able to go back to my village and see anyone who was close to me. Not Gai, not Jiraiya, not any of the young shinobi, and not Naruto. Not being able to see those bright, sky blue eyes twinkling with laughter again. Not being able to see his smile, or that cocky smirk, or the saucy look he gave me when trying to make me buy ramen for him.

No more small intimate moments when he came to me for advice or even him using me as a pillow when we would go on missions.

My heart stuttered at the knowledge, my mind roared at me to reject the entire mission and return to the village as fast as possible and tell Naruto exactly how I feel. But my body remained calm and simply nodded; my eyes were downcast as I stood up.

"Very well, thank you." I said numbly and left the room. I could feel their stares on my body as I shuffled out the door, but honestly I think that is how I am going to be feeling for the rest of my life now. Numb.

AN: Wow, its been a while. So here is another update. The other two updates will be up within the week, I can promise that at least. Its almost the end and the smut will be in the next chapter. Be happy =D

I know this was a really short chapter but im hoping the length of the next one will make up for it. I had to really push to rewrite this chapter, I just kinda lost my muse for it. My laptop broke and the last chapters were lost and I have to rewrite, now that I have gotten a new laptop.

So I realized this is a really angst like. So I might change the genre, so till next week hope you like it. And please forgive any mistakes!