Under the light of a full, gibbous moon, a dark figure steals into the Loud family's backyard, crouching and moving quickly so it won't be seen. It stops at a worn wooden cross and begins to dig. In fifteen minutes, it pulls a coffin out of the ground and opens it. Inside is Flagg1991, his hands folded on his chest. His flesh is gray and mottled and his lips are blue. He is slightly swollen from the build-up of post-mortem gases.

The figure performs some bullshit voodoo magic ritual, and Flagg's eyes open: They are sickly yellow. He sits up and a hand flutters to his forehead. He lets out a moan and looks up at the figure. "Who the fuck are you?"

"It's me," the figure says, and leans forward. A moonbeam falls across its face, revealing it to be Kenny Rogers.

"Oh, shit, whaddup, Kenny?" He looks around. "What happened?"

"You shot yourself."

Flagg's brow furrows. A maggot falls from the gaping exit wound at the top of his skull. "Oh, right," he says, remembering. He plucks the maggot off of his shirt with his thumb and forefinger and plops it into his mouth. "Where are we? The cemetery?"

"No," Kenny says. "That Max Hero guy buried you in the backyard."

Flagg nods. "Typical. He waited until I was dead before showing up because he knew I'd kick his ass."

"He brought everyone we killed back to life too."

"Of course he did. He really buried me in their backyard?" Flagg looks around again, his eyes falling on the Loud house. "Kind of fucked up, isn't it? Every time they want to go outside and play or cut the grass, here's my grave, a constant reminder of the guy who tortured and murdered them." Flagg laughs richly and claps his hands. "I'm beginning to think Max Hero is more evil than I am."

"You wanna go finish what we started?" Kenny asks, nodding toward the house.

"Damn straight I do," Flagg says, getting up. "My soul's, like, infused with a demon or some shit, so I'm extra evil now." A satanic grin spreads across his face. "I really am going to put my dick in one of them now. Hell, all of them. Including the father. After all, there's no better way to emasculate a man than to put your dick in his ass...and kiss his neck while you do it."

Flagg and Kenny walk up to the patio door. Flagg knocks. "How long have I been dead?" he asks.

"Eight weeks."

"Damn." He laughs. "I bet these assholes were just starting to get over what we did to them."

The door opens, and Luna Loud appears. She looks up at Flagg, and her eyes widen.

"Surprise!" Flagg says, grabbing her face in his hand and walking her back into the kitchen. "Kenny, go round up the others." Kenny nods and goes into the living room.

"Never thought you'd see me again, did you?" Flagg asks as he pushes Luna against the fridge. He takes his hand away from her face and leans in, shoving his dead, rotting tongue into her mouth. She kicks him in the shin but he doesn't feel it because he's, like, a zombie or something now. He wraps his hand around her throat and licks her lips and the side of her face. He spins her around and buries his nose in her hair. "Your hair smells good...how does my hair smell?" He bows his head to reveal a maggot-infested hole, jagged skull splinters sticking out. Luna's mouth fills with bile and she chokes it back.

"Come on, honey," Flagg says, wrapping his arm around her neck and pressing his crotch against her butt, "let's go have some fun."

In the living room, the Louds are on the couch, looking scared: Kenny stands over them with a gun. He looks up when Flagg enters, and everyone else does too; some of them scream, others look shocked.

Flagg shoves Luna to the ground and throws out his arms. "Helllllooooo, baaaaaby!" He bends over the arm of the couch and grabs Luan by her hair, yanking her head back and shoving his face into hers. "This is the Big Bopper speakin'! Do I what? Will I what?"

He slaps her and pushes her away. "Oh, man, it feels so good to be back." He puts his hands on his hips and scans the frightened faces in front of him. "I missed you guys. I really, honestly did. You know, while I was rotting in your backyard, I realized something: I had a fucking blast in here. Maybe it just took that bullet lobotomizing me to get it, but torturing you guys really got me off. Metaphorically speaking, of course. This time around...there ain't no metaphor about it." He walks over to Leni and kneels, putting his cold, dead hand on her bare leg. He leans in, flashing a crazy smile. "I'm gonna get off for real this time." He stands up and looks around. "But with whom?" He puts his finger to his chin. He looks at Luan. "You?" He smiles. "You know, Kenny, with me being dead eight weeks...my dick skin will probably come off inside of her."

Luan's eyes widen.

"Give her necrosis or something." He grabs her chees in his hands and squeezes her lips together. "How's that for an STD, you little bitch?" He lets her go. "I know. While I wait, let's take some calls." He turns to the fourth wall. "Welcome to the new and improved Torture the Louds, ten times darker, ten times more undead. Call in now. Tell me how to hurt these pieces of shit...and how I should love them, if you catch me. 1-800-TORTLOUD. And Max Hero?"

Flagg holds up his middle finger.