To say Beth was nervous would have been the biggest understatement made in the history of man. She was bringing Daryl home to meet her family, and the thought had her pacing all night the night before. She'd done all her laundry, and cleaned her whole apartment (she'd actually cleaned her bathroom twice, once in the initial sweep, and then after she'd taken a shower to clean herself up) while trying to get rid of the nerves that were currently making her stomach churn. Daryl sat beside her in his beat-up pick-up, looking calm and collected. She had no idea how he could do it. She was a wreck, and was barely holding it together.
She'd been so nervous when inviting him, thinking he'd over react and feel like she was putting a label on them. That was something Beth was very careful not to do. Ever since the start of this whole…whatever they were…he'd seemed to balk at the idea of her being his 'girlfriend.' It had stung at first, but she was so greedy for his time she'd put the ball firmly in his court and told him he could be what ever he wanted to be. He'd never given her a label for what they were, and she really didn't need one, except for calling him her friend felt so wrong, given how many times they'd shared a bed (or couch, or floor, or table) calling him her friend felt like she was hiding. She didn't want to be just his friend, but she liked what they were and didn't want to jinx it by having that conversation with him. So, here she sat, in Daryl's truck, fretting about what Maggie and her daddy would say when they showed up, and how Daryl would take it.
Without thinking, she reached over and took one of his hands in hers, he glanced over and her and she smiled at him. "Thanks for coming Daryl."
"S'no big thing." He smiled at her in response, his hand gently squeezing hers. It wasn't long before they were pulling up to the family farm. Beth smiled as she climbed out of the truck, looking at the big farm house where she'd grown up. Daryl came up beside her. "You grew up here?" His voice held a note of awe as he asked and she had the feeling there was more hidden in that question than she really knew. She'd have to ask him about it later.
"Yeah." She said softly. "C'mon. I wanna show you around before we get swarmed." She grinned at him and tugged him along into the house. She could hear everyone laughing and having a good time out back in the field between the house and the barn. She wanted to show him around the house before too many people were around to stop them and bombard them with questions. They mounted the steps to the big white farmhouse and scurried inside, trying to dodge laughing friends and nosy on-lookers as they made their way upstairs. She giggled as they hit the top stair and she paused. "We'll start with my room, and I'll give you the grand tour." He gave her a grunt and followed behind her, into a small room, filled with soft pinks and blues and flowers and Daryl couldn't help but know this most definitely was a room that a little Beth had grown up in. There were pictures and medals all over her walls. Posters of old boy bands were tacked up on one wall, completing the whole image of a teenage girl's room (not that Daryl really had much idea on what a teenage girl's room looked like.)
Beth's childhood was decidedly different from his, he'd realized, not that there really had been any question about that. He could tell, just looking around her old room, that she'd had a happy childhood, filled with love and care. He had no idea what that felt like. His eyes landed on a picture of Beth, as a teenager, with the two people he'd come to assume were her siblings, and her parents. Beth walked up beside him. "That's my family. Daddy," She pointed to the older gentleman in the picture before her finger moved to the next person. "Maggie, my sister, Shawn…my older brother." She took a soft breath, "And that's my mom." She sounded sad, but before he could ask a knock sounded on the door and they both turned to look at who had entered.
"Oh, Beth, you are in here. Daddy was startin' to worry." Maggie gave a nervous smile, eyeing up Beth and Daryl. Beth smiled.
"Just wanted to show him around before everyone got here." Beth responded. "Oh, Maggie this is Daryl, Daryl this is my sister Maggie." Daryl tipped his head, mumbling an 'afternoon' while Maggie just smiled at him cautiously. "We better make our way down before everyone comes hunting for us." Daryl nodded at her, following her out as Maggie trailed behind them.
Introductions were quick, and while Daryl had thought it would have been awkward being introduced to Beth's dad, it wasn't. The man was warm and welcoming, and hadn't pressed Daryl with any awkward questions about him and Beth. He'd just moved conversation on, welcoming Daryl into the conversation he was currently having with a man named Otis, about re-roofing the barn and fixing some of the areas that had rot in the wood. Daryl didn't know why he did it, but he found himself offering to help, 'since he worked in construction and all.' Hershel had looked at him with a curious look in his eye offering his thanks and a promise to pilfer Daryl's number from Beth so they could make good on that offer.
Beth hadn't left him to to his own devices long. She'd shown up with a bottle, of what he'd assumed was beer, but choked as the flavor of root-beer filled his mouth. Beth just smiled as he'd turned to looked at her. "It's a long story…Daddy doesn't keep alcohol in the house." She said softly. She turned to her father, who was still deep in conversation with Otis, "Daddy I'm gonna steal Daryl if that's ok? Maybe go show him the horses?"
"Sure thing Bethy. Don't be long, your sister will start a manhunt if you disappear for too long." He smiled fondly down at his daughter and she giggled lightly.
"Yes sir. C'mon." She took Daryl's hand gently and tugged him along towards the barn. The thing was massive, and Daryl was suddenly apprehensive about having to get on the top of it to re-roof.
"So, why no alcohol on the farm?" Not that Daryl was complaining. He'd grown up around alcohol and knew what it could do to people.
"Uhm…" Beth looked around as they entered the barn, coming up to a brown horse that was currently munching on some oats. "When Maggie was little, her mama died, and Daddy found comfort in the bottom of a bottle." Her voice was soft, like she didn't like to share the darkness hidden in her family's past, and truthfully, he didn't want her to share if it was something she was comfortable with. "He got pretty lost, and did some things he's none too proud of. He woke up one day and swore it off. Hasn't touched a drop since." She looked over at Daryl, "This was all before I was born, so I don't really know how it all happened. Just stories and things I've been told. No one really likes to talk about it much, everyone just kind of accepts that we don't have alcohol at the farm." He stood there staring at her for a moment, wrapping his mind around the idea that Hershel Greene, the warm kind man he'd met and talked with, struggled with drink. It appeared even the most wholesome of people had their demons. "So I heard you're gonna help them put a new roof on this old barn?" He gave her a grunt, taking a swig off his soda. "That's really sweet. I keep telling him he needs to just tear it down and build a new one, but…he built this barn for my Mama and doesn't want to just get rid of it." She shook her head and leaned back against the pen, eyes studying Daryl as he looked around.
"Where is your Ma?" He suddenly realized he hadn't met her mother yet. That would be a hard meeting. He was definitely rough around the edges and nothing a mama would want her little girl hanging around. Beth bit her lip, her right hand going to her left wrist, thumb playing over the skin under her bracelets. There was very little Daryl missed even when he wasn't paying attention. He'd noticed the way she wore a bunch of bracelets over that wrist only, and hardly ever took them off, (much like the way he never took his shirt off around her) and had caught the briefest glimpse of the edge of a dark, puckered scar being hidden by those trinkets around her wrist. Daryl knew she had a scar, but had never asked about it, never wanting to open that wound or draw attention to the fact that he knew.
"Mama passed away." She said softly, her voice sounding brittle. "That's why I never finished college." Her eyes glazed over. "It was quick. She was making breakfast for Daddy and me, and just collapsed. I was there when it happened. I-I watched her die." He could hear tears in her voice and moved to hold her, compelled by the ache in her voice. She buried her face in his chest and sniffed, trying to calm down. "They said she'd had a massive heart attack and washouts gone when the EMTs arrived at the house."
"It's alright Beth. Yo ain't gotta talk about it, if it's too hard." He felt her press against him tighter, and tightened his arms, trying to make her feel more secure. They'd been doing whatever it was that they were doing for a couple months now, and he'd never seen her actually upset. Not like this. This was raw, and real, and new. This was a deep wound she kept hidden by a band-aid and a smile for everyone around her.
"No…I need to." She gasped out. "They always say talking about it helps healing, and after a while people got tired of me talkin' about it…so I just stopped. It's never gotten healed." She looked up at him and felt so torn. She didn't want to unload on him, but now that the dam was cracked she was going to lose it until she could put her world back together. She didn't want him to be bombarded with her dark secrets. She didn't want to freak him out and make him run by showing him what a mess she truly was. But it was there, at the surface and she was so tired of hiding. She hid from her family, and friends, and co-workers; she didn't want to hide from him. Not anymore.
"Let it out babygirl." He rumbled, not catching the term of endearment. He called her that in his head, but never out loud. "I'm here. I can't do much, but I can listen."
"I've never felt so scared, and helpless before. I mean, she just…she just went down and stopped movin' and I called her name. I tried to shake her. I yelled for Daddy, and he finally called the EMTs, and then I started yellin' at her." Her eyes were watery. "I yelled at her, like she was doing it on purpose. And then when they said she was dead, I just." A small sob escaped her lips as a tear trekked down her cheek. "I just kept thinking that my last words to my Mama were angry, like she'd done it on purpose. Like she didn't love me." He stared at her, eyes wide, disbelieving she was actually torturing herself over things she'd said to her mom when she'd died, things she'd said when she was terrified of losing her.
"Beth, she knew you loved 'er." He whispered gruffly into her hair.
"I know, but still."
"Still nothin'." He looked down at her. "What was the last thing you said, before she went down?" She looked confused. "Just think." Her eyes went glassy like she was thinking about something far away and long ago.
"I told her that I missed her pancakes when I was away at school. The dining hall food was nothin' compared."
"Then that was the last thing she heard." Beth started to shake her head. "Beth, that was the last thing she heard." He held her eyes, practically begging her to believe him. Watching her hurt made him ache something fierce and all he wanted to do was make it better. She was tough, a fighter, and to see her so broken down, well it didn't sit right for him. Beth Greene deserved to smile and be happy, and not have a care in the world. Beth Greene did not deserve to live her days out haunted by pain and guilt for something she said in a moment of panic and fear. "She went out, knowing that you loved her and her pancakes." She let out a watery laugh but nodded once.
"Thank you." She rested her head on his chest, waiting until her breathing calmed down before she spoke again. "I was so angry at her, after the funeral and I went back to school." She started, gripping the back of his shirt with both her hands like he was a life preserver keeping her floating in the crazy waves of emotions. If she let go, she felt like she would drown. "I was so angry, and lost, and hurt. I just…I wanted my Mama. I couldn't focus on school. I didn't want to come home…I tried to kill myself but couldn't even do that right." She looked up at him, before drawing her arm from around him to pull her wrist up between them. "I mean, I could have…but when I did it, I just," She sighed, "I could hear Mama's voice telling me how much she loved me, and it just felt wrong. I knew she'd have been so upset to see me do something like that. She wouldn't have wanted it. So I wrapped up my wrist and had Rosita go with me to the campus clinic. They put me on watch and called Daddy, and Daddy made Maggie come pick me up." Her thumb moved her bracelets to the side to show the smooth line on her wrist. It was small, but had probably hurt like hell, and Daryl watched as his hand came up and he touched a finger to it. "I knew I was better'n that, so I've worked everyday to prove to everyone that I am strong and I can make it." She looked up at him.
"You are." He agreed. "You can take care of yourself. You're doin' a damn good job of it." She smiled up at him and he felt himself smile back at her. Everyone had their moments of weakness, and Daryl was starting to realize, Beth's life wasn't all ponies and rainbows and pancakes. She had her own scars, and her own secrets. She was trusting him with those secrets. Trusting that he wouldn't judge her, wouldn't look at her like she was ready to break, wouldn't look at her like she was damaged. Even if he wanted to, he didn't think he could ever look at her like that. She had reached her bottom and had dragged herself up through the mud to make herself stronger and better than that. She'd done a damn good job it. A damn good job indeed. He reached up to her face, wiping away one tear-track from her cheek, and smiled when she blushed prettily at him.
"You mind if we stay in here until it doesn't look like I cried my eyes out?" He grunted out a soft 'mm'. "I just don't wanna have to answer Maggie's questions." He nodded. When she pulled away from him he almost tugged her back into place, but resisted the urge, following her down the row of stables to look at each of the horses. She told him their names, but later he'd be hard pressed to remember a single one. He was too busy watching her and marveling at how she could do so little and make him feel so much. After a few minutes she turned to him and asked if she looked normal (he'd had to bite his tongue to keep the sappy comments from spilling out of his mouth) and then took his hand to lead him back to the party. Everyone was there and it smelled like they were starting to barbecue. As they rejoined the group Beth chatted away and Daryl watched as she easily slid amongst the groups. It was like watching sunlight penetrate a thick canopy. She brightened everything around her, and Daryl was hard pressed to tear his eyes away from her. She really was something special.