A/N- First, I would like to say thank you to all of you who have added 'Let Go' to your favorites and/or alerts. It really does mean a lot to me to know people are reading and hopefully, enjoying this story! I really enjoy writing it! With that said, for those of you who haven't reviewed, I would greatly appreciate any and all feedback, it helps me to know what is working for people and what isn't. Of course, I have definite ideas for this story and its characters, but that doesn't mean your comments don't help me! Okay, see you darlings on the flip side!

Chapter 10

Come on, oh my star is fading, and I see no chance of release

And I know I'm dead on the surface, but screaming underneath


"Another one of Edward's 'friends'." I said dumbly looking at this beautiful woman in front of me, blood whooshing loudly in my ears. I felt deafened by it as it drained down out of my head and pooled nauseatingly in my stomach.

This must be some kind of mistake, right? I'd finally started to entertain the idea that my insecurities were unfounded, that even if Edward had gone to another swinger's party, that surely, there must be some kind explanation, because when we were together, there was something different between us. We were special, and of course, of course it had to be more than mere sex to him. Yet, here Tanya stood, telling me plainly that I was not, in fact, Edward's only significant other.

I tore my eyes away from Tanya's smug face, and searched Edward out in the crowd. He was speaking to a group of three people, his perfect profile to me. He turned then, meeting my gaze, and smiled crookedly. Using every ounce of willpower within me, I smiled back. His eyes shifted suddenly to who I was speaking with and his smile disappeared quickly and he spoke a few words to his companions before making his way towards us.

The last thing I wanted was to speak to him before I could pull myself together. To my utter relief, he was detained once more by another group, a man and woman, Irina, and her date, Caius. I'd met them earlier.

"Oh dear, you'll have to excuse me, I want to say hello to Irina, I haven't spoken to her since my party last week, but I'm sure you knew about it, Edward was there too after all."

I wanted to rip the arrogant expression off her face, but instead, I coolly met her snarky blue eyes.

"Of course, I knew about your little get together. I was unable to attend, but it worked out well that Edward could make it." You bitch.

Her smiled dimmed slightly, but she nodded and made her way over to Irina, Caius and Edward.

I turned slowly as not to attract attention and moved to Edward's bedroom to gather my things. I needed out of there, right now. I had to leave before I suffocated under the choking emotions boiling inside of me.

"Bella."

I'd just made it past the counter of liquor when Eric's voice stopped me. I should have been overwhelmed with gratitude that it wasn't Edward, but I wanted out of there so badly, that even this detainment sorely tested my patience.

"I need to get going, Eric. I'll, uh see you later." Anything, I had to say anything to get away.

"Please, I don't know what Tanya said, but she's poison, don't let her get between you and Edward." His voice was so soft and kind, I wanted to sob.

It wasn't Tanya getting between us, Edward had firmly placed her there.

"Don't worry, Eric. I'm fine. I just need to go." I lied and continued towards the door, slipping through it while a new string of people came in. It helped disguise my exit, as I weaved around them.

I strode purposefully down the long hallway and punched the elevator button. Just as I entered the lift car, I heard my name.

"Bella! Wait!" Edward called running towards me.

I hit the lobby button hurriedly and closed the doors before he could get to me. I stared at him blankly as the doors closed on his distressed face.

Goodbye Edward.

I gripped my bag tightly and waited to step off onto the main level. I strode determinedly through the lobby and out the main revolving doors. I couldn't have planned it better as a couple were exiting a taxi in front of the building, I slid into the backseat and gave the driver my address.

I was a half a block away when I saw Edward run out onto the sidewalk through the rearview mirror. He frantically searched left then right.

A moment later, my cell phone buzzed inside my handbag. I pulled it out already knowing it would be Edward.

I hit Ignore and sat back in the seat, waiting to get home, waiting to finally be able to break down and feel every piece of my shattered heart breaking.

I'd been home fifteen minutes, and Edward had called eight times. I don't want to talk to you, I thought rolling over onto my stomach where I'd sprawled on my bed earlier, as my phone buzzed for the ninth time. I can't talk to you!

It would stop, eventually, it would have to stop. I wanted to cry, scream, punch something, but above all, I wanted what Tanya said to not be true. I wanted to continue on in that tiny bubble where Edward and I had existed today, where we'd snuggled on the couch, with his strong arms around me, his heavenly scent invading my senses, and we talked about our lives and families and friends. I wanted to not feel this ache in my heart that hurt so much worse than any ache from Jacob.

I closed my eyes and curled into a ball, I was still wearing that stupid blue dress and suddenly feeling like I couldn't shed it fast enough, I jumped up off my bed and whipped it over my head. I even stripped out of the underwear I'd been wearing all day. I crossed to my dresser and pulled out a soft comfy pair of purple sweatpants and a gray worn t-shirt that read 'University of Maryland'.

I quickly dove back to bed and buried myself under the covers. I didn't have to come out if I didn't want to right? I was an adult and didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do. I could become a hermit, and live right here in this safe little spot for the rest of my life.

Five minutes later, five hours later, I don't know, someone was buzzing incessantly down on our front stoop. I clenched my eyes shut like the wuss that I was and willed them away.

It had to be Edward, and I couldn't face him right now. When I eventually spoke with him again, I wanted to be strong, and shrug my shoulders at the funny little thing Tanya had said to me, because that's all it should have been, a funny little nothing, just as our arrangement shouldn't have meant to me what it did.

So no, I didn't move a muscle to answer that buzz.

Finally it stopped, and blessed silence kept me company again. That is until a insistant knocking at our front door began. I sat up with assuredly a shocked expression on my face. How did he get up to our door? I didn't buzz him through!

I crept slowly out of my room and across the living room to peak out the peephole.

There he stood, in all of his magnificent, beautiful glory. The fucking bastard!

"Bella." He spoke lowly through the door, leaning with both hands braced on the frame.

"Bella, please. I know you're home, please talk to me, I don't know what Tanya said, but let's talk about it, whatever it is."

I closed my eyes tightly as a wayward hand started to reach for the door knob. I snatched it back quickly. What was I doing? I hadn't prepared myself, I wasn't ready to smile carelessly at him.

"Don't shut me out, baby." His voice was soft.

Baby? Baby? He had the gall to call me baby? Wonder what he called Tanya?

Before I could stop myself a second time, I yanked that door open with fire shooting out of my eyeballs. Pride be damned!

"You want to talk about it, alright let's have a fucking discussion."

He stared at me open-mouthed for all of five seconds before he stepped into the apartment and tried to reach for me.

"Bella-"

"Don't touch me. Words don't require touching." I told him, stepping away from his grasp.

He blinked with surprise and slowly nodded, looking at me like skittish animal who might run at the slightest move.

"What happened tonight?" He asked, his voice soothing and calm.

"Nothing that I shouldn't have been prepared for." I replied flatly, because truthfully, what Tanya said shouldn't have been anything shocking. I knew he'd been to that party, and I knew that I was merely someone to call for a piece of ass. If I'm hurt, I have no one to blame but myself. That doesn't mean I couldn't hate him though.

"I don't understand." He took a step towards me and I took a step back, causing him again to halt all movement.

"I knew what we were, so really, like I said, it shouldn't have surprised me."

"What we were?" His eyes narrowed at my word choice.

"Yes, I knew that I was little more than a fuck buddy."

He winced. It gave me a slight degree of satisfaction.

"So when Tanya explained that she was as well, I shouldn't have been surprised."

"She wha-!"

I cut him off.

"It's probably better now actually, I was allowing myself to think maybe we were becoming something more, but that's my fault, and I'm rectifying it now. I'd like to end whatever it is we've got going on here. I thought maybe I could do it, but I can't, and you deserve to know that before it goes any further."

Edward looked stunned. He was silent for a moment.

"I don't want this to be over Bella." He kept his eyes on mine, his voice increasingly gentle.

"I understand that the sex was good, great actually, but who are we fooling? You want a convenient lay, and I'm a relationship person. I really want you to understand that I don't blame you for misleading me, you haven't. I mean," I laughed mirthlessly, "we did meet at a sex party, how could this mean any more to you than a couple of good fucks."

Edward's head snapped up and he took two giant steps towards me, grabbing me by my upper arms.

"I don't ever want to hear you say that again, that is not what this is." His voice was raspy and hard with anger.

My eyes widened at his coldly furious face, before I regained some composure.

"What it was," I correct him "and don't tell me that when you walked into that bedroom at Emmett's and Rosalie's you weren't hoping for one thing and one thing only?

Why wouldn't he just agree with me and go? I needed him to go so I could fall apart.

"You're right," he brought his face close to mine. "I was, and if you didn't want to do it, you could have said no."

I nodded.

"I'm saying no now."

His grip loosened and he took a step away from me.

"That's it, just like that, you're done? Because Tanya fed you some bullshit about her being, what, my 'other fuck buddy'? And let's get that straight right now, Bella, it was definite bullshit, I have never been with Tanya sexually or otherwise." He ran his hand through his hair leaving it in disarray.

"Regardless," I stiffened my spine against the overwhelming relief. "it doesn't really change anything, and I don't want to be used for sex."

"Who's using you?" He almost bellowed with frustration.

"You are!" my volume matched his. "Why else would you go to Irina's party last week?"

His eyes narrowed, but the rest of his face went blank.

"How did you hear about that?"

"Why does it matter if it's true?" I replied just as flatly.

He shook his head, "Bella, it's not-"

"I would like you to leave please." I looked over his shoulder at the wall as I said it. Enough was enough. I needed a clean break.

"No damnit, not until we've straightened this out." He growled.

"It's my apartment, and I'd like you to leave." I repeated.

"Baby-"

"Now." It took all my resolve, but I stood unwaveringly.

"This isn't done." Edward told me grasping my chin in his fingers and tilting my face to look him in the eye. "Even though I'm leaving, this is not finished."

I stood mutely as he turned to walk out the door.

"Yes, it is." I said softly before he clicked it shut.

I took two deep breaths before dissolving into the tears I had been fighting. I stumbled to the couch and cried until all I had left were hiccups.

Two days later, I sat in my room in my armchair and stared out the window. It was late evening, I'd managed to eat a hurried dinner before Alice got home from work. So far she hadn't mentioned my distant mood, but that could also be attributed to her dealing with her own issues.

She had returned late Sunday night and I only stayed up long enough to make sure she wasn't sporting a new ring on her left hand and I'd somehow missed the call. She smiled a little sadly as she held up her naked hand. I returned her smile feeling sorry for the both of us as I gave her a hug. We both went to bed that night without further discussion. She was lost in her own thoughts just as I was in mine.

I'd been trying to stay away from Esme at work without seeming like I was avoiding her. I'd made sure to say hello when I passed her desk Monday and Tuesday, but then quickly made my way up to my desk before she could start a conversation.

So here, I sat in solitude with Him and Her playing through my speakers. Zooey Deschanel's voice soothed and allowed me to either think long thoughts or wipe my mind blank as I watched the night sky.

Edward had called me every day, but I'd yet to answer my phone. I wasn't ready. After our discussion on Sunday night, I realized just how deeply I'd come to care for him. I knew that I was already in too deep, but in his absence, it only became more abundantly clear.

A soft knock at my door interrupted my star gazing and pensive mood.

"Come in." I called.

"Hey." Alice peeked her head in. "Edward is in the living room. He wants to talk to you."

I tensed but kept my expression neutral.

"Please tell him that I will call him when I want to talk to him."

Alice hesitated.

"He's not Jacob. I just want you to know that. I don't know what happened, but he's not like Jacob."

I turned my head to look at her compassionate gaze.

"Please tell him." I said again firmly.

She nodded and shut the door quietly behind her. I heard murmurs in living room. The deep tone of Edward's voice, and the softer, higher tone of Alice's.

A few minutes later another knock sounded on my door.

I sat silently as it opened without my reply.

"He's gone." Alice came in and sat on my bed cross-legged. "He asked me to tell you that it's important that you talk soon."

"Alright, thanks Alice."

She sighed when I made no other comment.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." I didn't want to hurt feelings, but discussing Edward was the furthest thing from what I wanted to do at that moment.

"Do you want to talk about San Diego?" I asked turning to look at her.

That same sad smile floated across her lips as she rubbed her temple.

"No." She laughed humorlessly. "But I will tell this much. It was a beautiful weekend, and if I hadn't gotten it in my stupid head that he was going to propose, then I wouldn't be so disappointed right now. It's my own fault."

"The messes we make all by ourselves, huh?" I held my hand out to her. She grasped it and squeezed it tightly. "How about some tea? I know I could use a little soothing."

I stood up and headed for the kitchen.

"Put a little whiskey in mine." Alice replied as she pulled my gray quilt around her.

I nodded and ended up adding whiskey to both of our mugs. We watched "Say Anything" while huddled underneath my quilt and sipping our hot toddies. It was comforting, so much so that we both fell asleep in my room that night.

I repacked my container from lunch into my purse the next day and was preparing to dive back into the stack of manuscripts that needed to be filed away when Esme barreled her way in front of me.

"What's going on?" She asked firmly. Her face serious and leaving no question of whether or not she meant business.

I didn't even try to feign ignorance.

"Edward and I had a situation/fight/thing, whatever you want to call it. I don't want to talk about it, Esme. I mean it. I love you, but I just don't want to."

"What about dinner tonight?" She asked without preamble.

"Shit." I'd totally forgotten about dinner at Rose and Emmett's house. "Shit, shit, shit."

"Yeah." She didn't move an inch, waiting for some kind of reply other than repeated expletives.

"I'll have to back out. I can't go like this." I bit my lip, trying to think of a good excuse. Would claiming Typhoid work? Maybe Mad Cow disease? Rubella?

"Go like what?"

"Feeling how I do right now." I shook my head. No, I needed to come up with something quickly. Dinner was six hours away.

"Kind of late to back out." Esme raised her eyebrows.

"Who's side are you on?" I scowled at her.

"Yours every time, honey." Her expression softened. "But that doesn't mean I'll go easy on you all the time either."

I blew my breath out and up so they fluttered my bangs over.

"I'll think about it." I said and turned towards my work, signaling that I was done discussing this.

"Alright, well, I'll only say one more thing then, Everyone is going because of you, Alice and Jasper are going for you, as am I, and Carlisle is going for Edward, who is also going for you. This dinner is for you and Edward."

I looked up at her stoically.

"Okay, okay, I'm leaving now." She held up her hands in surrender.

I worked through the afternoon trying to block out Esme's words, but they were harder to ignore than they should've been. It was true, this dinner was set up by me because Alice wanted to get a look at Edward. And it would be unfair to Rose, who had gone to all the work of putting it together for me to cancel this late. I knew I had no choice but to go.

I closed down my computer at five o'clock, and began walking down to the main lobby. I saw Edward standing at the main desk talking to Lauren.

I froze.

He looked up and saw me standing outside the bank of elevators.

"Bella." He said softly, walking towards me.

I took a deep breath. "Edward."

"You haven't returned any of my calls." he came to a stop in front of me.

"No, I haven't."

"It seems a little unfair for you to just quit without really talking to me about this." His eyes were slightly hard.

"I spoke to you Sunday night." I reminded him, returning his gaze.

"Barely, and I had to practically force you to."

"Well, this isn't the time or place to have this discussion either." I started to brush passed him, but he caught my hand.

"Are you going to be at the McCarty's tonight?"

"Yes." I said pulling away from him and walking out through the front glass doors. I could feel Lauren watching me with unconcealed curiosity, but I tried to keep my eyes forward.

I kept my pace steady and even so that I didn't break out into a run like I wanted to, to get away from him. I wanted to sprint as fast as I could, because what I really wanted was to curl into his chest and breathe in that delicious lemon and smoky scent of him, tell him that I didn't care about anything but being with him, and that if I could, I'd stay with him forever because I was so in love with him, it was choking me, squeezing my heart so tightly it felt like it could kill me.

So I walked briskly away to survive.

I fastened a drop earring on as Alice came through my bedroom door at 6:40.

"You look pretty." I told her looking at her through the reflection of the mirror I was using. She was wearing smoky blue short-sleeved sweater with a scoop neck, charcoal cigarette slacks, and black stilettos.

"Thanks, you do too." She looked at my form-fitting cider-colored sweater dress with three-quarter length sleeves, and caramel toned knee-high flat boots. I'd pulled my hair into a loose pony-tail and kept my make-up light.

"What's up?" I asked her as as I applied a neutral-toned lip gloss.

"I just wanted to see if you were okay going tonight."

I was really impressed with how calm Alice was being with my situation. She'd normally be bouncing off the walls, asking questions, and digging for information, but she'd been blessedly sensitive and easy about my feelings.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. You okay with Jazz, after this weekend and all?" I picked up my carmel hobo bag, and followed her out to the living room. We were going to go in Alice's car, and pick up Jasper on the way.

"Yes, I'm fine." She said firmly, locking the front door behind us as we made our way down the garage entrance to the underground parking. "Jasper hasn't done anything wrong, in fact, he gave me an amazingly romantic weekend, I just assumed it was because he wanted to ask me to marry him, that's on me. So yes, I'm okay, I just need to keep reminding myself that not everyone moves at the same emotional pace as I do."

I put my arm around her shoulders and squeezed before moving around her little BMW to the passenger's side. "I'm really proud of you, Alice. I know this is hard for you, but you're being really understanding and mature about it."

"Thanks, buddy." She gave me that wan smile again, and started the engine.

Jasper was completely normal as we drove to the McCarty's, he chattered about some of the things he and Alice did in San Diego and how he really wanted to go to San Francisco next to go on the tour for Alcatraz. Alice to her absolute credit, didn't miss a beat, speaking up to insert her own opinions on the sights they'd gone to, and how she'd also really enjoy a trip to San Francisco.

We pulled up to the main gate and around Rose and Emmett's expansive drive to their front door. I tried to quell the nerves in my stomach, but they swam uneasily. How was I going to possibly act normal around everyone with Edward right there, reminding me of how miserable I was? I had no idea.

Emmett answered the door when we'd rung the bell, pulling me into a boisterous hug as well as Alice, and shook Jasper's hand as if they were great friends. To my pleasant surprise, Jasper seemed equally happy to see Emmett. He must have really been impressed by Emmett's facer to Jacob.

"Everyone is in the parlor, except Rose, she's in the kitchen grabbing drinks." Emmett directed us toward the front room.

I edged back and towards the kitchen. "I'll just say hi to Rose and see if I can help her at all." Because I really want to avoid this situation as long as possible, I thought.

"Oh ok, thanks Bella." Emmett smiled and followed Alice and Jasper in the opposite direction.

Chicken, I closed my eyes and walked through the door into the brightly lit kitchen.

"Bella! Hi!" Rose, beautiful as ever in a deep aqua sheath dress, was competently making martini's.

"Hi Rose, can I help you with those?" I smiled.

"Sure, I'm just about done, why don't you take those on out." She gestured towards three glasses, two were dirty with olives, the other had a lemon twist.

Not the job I was hoping for, but I didn't know how to politely refuse, so I just nodded with my plastic smile and set my bag on the bar stool so I could carry the glasses.

"You okay, Bella?" Rose shot me a quizzical look.

"Yeah, Edward and I just had a ...thing. It just feels a little awkward is all." I tried to downplay it without totally lying to her.

"Ah, I see, well how about I take those out and you finish these. That one is straight up, I need to grab two beers and of course whatever you and Alice want, I'm assuming the Jasper will just take a beer."

I smiled gratefully. "Sure, and you're right, Jasper would like a beer. Thanks Rose."

She leaned over and pecked my cheek in a completely sisterly way. "Don't mention it. Does Emmett need to kick some ass again? I always like it when he does." She grinned wickedly.

I laughed my first real laugh in days. "I'll let you know if he does."

She pouted lightly, "Alright. Holler if you need help carrying those out.

I finished getting the drinks ready, pouring both Alice and myself healthy glasses of Riesling.

I downed half of mine before refilling it and promising myself that I'd go slow the rest of the night. With my arms full, I walked out into the parlor.

"Here Bella, let me help you." Carlisle jumped up from his seat next to Esme on the dark brown couch and took a martini, handing it Esme, and the beers, distributing those to Jasper and Edward, who were standing with Emmett by the fireplace. Edward was watching me blatantly, but didn't say anything.

"Thanks Carlisle." I smiled warmly at him, he was just as charming and handsome as before. I gave Alice her glass of Riesling.

"Have you met before?" Edward asked suddenly.

Oh crap, I could see the train wreck that was about to go down.

"Who, son?" Carlisle returned to his place with Esme who smiled lightly at me. She placed her hand on Carlisle's knee.

"You and Bella." Edward's gaze narrowed as if he were trying to figure out something that had been kept from him. Was that a look of...jealousy, on his face?

"Oh, well yes, we met last weekend, at my house. She came with Esme to a get together I had." Carlisle was oblivious to the heightened tension that filled the room.

"One of your get togethers?" Edward asked quietly, his words slow and enunciated as he locked his eyes on mine and tilted his head.

"Yes, the one I told you I was having."

"Interesting. Bella, a word please." His voice a velvet caress that was coated with ice. This was not a request, but a command.

Oh, shit.

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