Sitting down Sara sees expectant faces. Catherine glaring, the boys deciding which of their million questions they should ask, Gil with only one.
"Guys, I suggest you get a drink cause this is going to be a long one. But I do with hold the right to stop when I'm too tired. There probably is story previous in the timeline to where I am going to start, but that really is another days discussion. For now we will start after the abduction."
She takes a deep breath and feels Jim's hand in hers giving her strength to continue.
"First I want to thank all of you for all your efforts that night. I don't think any other team would have found me in time, so don't take this the wrong way. For a long time I wished that you hadn't. You all tried your hardest to make sure that I felt that I deserved to live, deserved to have a second chance, but I didn't. I didn't deserve it and I certainly didn't take it. I knew it was over between Gil and me. It was a sham that I had dug myself into and didn't have the guts to dig myself out of. I'm sorry Gil. I know how much I hurt you. I know how much you hurt me too. I don't know if you can ever forgive me for what I did but please know that I am not the same person as I was." Sara stares intently hoping to see his emotions but as usual, Grissom gives nothing away.
"I know that Sara. And I forgave you a long time ago. I know I hurt you just as much carrying on the charade, even asking you to marry me when I knew that you would say yes just out of obligation rather than love. I knew it at the time as well as I know it now. I just hope that you can forgive me."
"I can't believe this. What do you mean Gil? When she left you were devastated. We all saw that! She destroyed you!" Cath almost screams.
"Catherine, it was a shock that was all. Sara, please do not take what Catherine just said to heart. You needed to break the cycle. You needed to take the second chance and I am so glad you did. You are obviously exactly where, and with whom, you are supposed to be and I am truly happy for you. True, you could have let us know that everything was alright. That goes for you too Jim. That was what hurt the most. Not knowing if what I had put in motion had worked, not knowing if you were both safe."
"What do you mean Gil? What did you put in motion? Are you telling us that you sent Jim after Sara knowing that this could happen?" Catherine couldn't believe her ears. Could what her friend be saying be the truth. She had watched as Gil had been destroyed by the woman in front of her. Had seen the heartache when Jim had also left. Or had she? Had it been some kind of relief when he left too? Had Gil sent him? Catherine, for the first time in her life realised that she would get more answers to her questions if she stopped asking them and started listening, so she apologised to the group and swore to keep her big trap shut.
"Thank you Catherine. As I was saying. Umm. As well as Gill basically camped out at the hospital Jim also spent most of his time off in that room. He never said anything. Didn't need to. I could see all his thoughts in his eyes. Had no-one else around this table noticed our uncanny knack of finishing each other's sentences, knowing each other's moods before we even spoke? I am sure you can all remember instances of it if you think hard. Anyway, after I got out of the hospital and back to Gil's house everything between us went back to the way it was. I was no longer in danger and so we could be simply friends again. Then I moved to swing and everything crumbled for me. I had no-one. Gil, Jim, the rest of you. I never saw you except to say hi in the corridor and it was killing me. I took it out on Ronnie, not training her as I had helped with Greg. I resented everyone and everything. I started to hate going to work. I hated going home. I hated my life, Vegas, practically everything."
Sara needed a break. Taking a long drink from her OJ she wished it was beer and formulated her next next sentence.
"When I was confronted with Hannah West again I snapped. It was going to happen at some point. I was stretched beyond human limits. I had to get out of there. There is no doubt that I did it the wrong way. I should have told you. I should have talked to someone, but I was so scared that you would try to talk me out of it and I wasn't sure I was strong enough to stick with my decision. No, please Nick, let me continue. I know I hurt all of you by leaving the way I did but I had no choice. Even now, if I had to do it again I would do it the same way. You all saw me as strong, but I wasn't, not at that point."
"So I walked out. I left a letter for Gil. It was all lies though and I know that you knew it when you read it. (Gil nods). Of course, if anyone else read it they would believe every word. I wasn't sure where I was going, or exactly what I was going to do. There were many ghosts and issues for me to deal with it was overwhelming. I can't remember how many times I picked up the phone wanting to hear a friendly voice and bottling out at the last minute because I knew that I would crumble and go back. I went to Frisco, to child services to have my file released so I could find my first foster family and find the woman who had taken me from my parent's house. That took a month! I couldn't believe the red tape. It was me I was asking about, could prove it with a number of ID's including my police ID but it still took forever. A part of me had admiration for these people who go through that to steal an identity I can tell you! In that month I started working on the ghost that was me. I found a good doctor to talk to, not only about my past but my present as it was and my future. We talked about my eating or lack of eating, talked about getting some of the sun's rays on my skin and about doing a job that would not demand so much of myself, giving me a life outside of work. That is what actually scared me the most. I had buried myself in work to ensure that I would not deal with my issues. It was my crutch as they say. I was working to forget. Getting involved in other people's lives ensured that I didn't get involved with my own."
"That month seemed to go forever but at the end of it I actually felt a whole lot better. I had taken the doc's advice, seen a nutritionalist and got my diet sorted out, spent time outside during the day in the sun, wind and rain. It felt wonderful. I felt wonderful, well mostly. When I finally got the information from child services I phoned Gil. Let him know I was ok, let him know where I would be. I had already finished the relationship in my mind and had to relay that to him. I remember the conversation well. I told him my plans and he told me that Jim had left Vegas. He said that Jim had gone to find me. I didn't know what to say, or do. So I just kept my eyes open. I saw my foster parents, met the woman who was there that day, met a couple of the cops that had run the case. They told me that Jim had already been there."
"My plans for the next couple were simple. I was going to go to my father's grave and then to the prison that my mother still is. Can you believe that she's
still there? The day I arrived at the prison there was Jim sitting on his car! He looked as though he had been there for days. He came into the prison with me, sat there while my mother and I talked and cried. Afterwards, he drove me to the motel and we talked. A lot. Look guys, this has been exhausting. I'm going to leave it there if you don't mind."
Jim looks over and sees how drained Sara looked. "Guys let's leave it there for tonight. You have tomorrow off, the academy's books and code of conduct have been left at your hotel. We start at nine on Monday so Tom will pick you up at eight thirty. If you get bored tomorrow give me a call, here's my card, we'll barbecue! Come on Sara, lets go."
After they had left Catherine looked over to Grissom. "Now it's your turn!"