The World Inside Me
Summary: Every person has their own internal world where their mind wanders to in their day dreams. It is a world that holds no secrets but the ones the owner doesn't tell. It is the true essence of the person living as a world inside of them. People rarely let someone see this world, often keeping it closed off or covered up in the folds and pockets of their clothes. Edward doesn't wear that big coat just because he thinks it looks cool. Inspired by fanart by Lightsout777 on tumblr.
Plot: Every person has their own internal world where their mind wanders to in their day dreams. It is a world that holds no secrets but the ones the owner doesn't tell. It is the true essence of the person living as a world inside of them. People rarely let someone see this world, often keeping it closed off or covered up in the folds and pockets of their clothes. Some people pry, or catch a glimpse of it in their passing but to actually see and walk through someone else's dreamscape is a rarity.
Edward doesn't wear that big coat just because he thinks it looks cool. Though everyone is curious, Edward doesn't let anyone see the world inside of him. Thought of as grumpy and closed off because of it by his co-workers they expect his internal world to be dull and grey. They couldn't have been more wrong. Everyone around him are surprised when they catch a glimpse of his internal world through the folds of his coat and see a bright blue sky. What they don't realise is that Edward isn't grumpy, his biggest secret is just how much he cares for everyone. The only one who understands this is Alphonse even though he never saw Edward's internal world. He just understands and questions Edward why he never shows anyone.
As the tension with the homunculi increases, the bonds between Edward and his unit grow stronger and strained. He is having a harder time not showing how much he worries for everyone and its getting more difficult for him to contain it. The sunshine in his internal world is sometimes so bright it glows out from beneath his coat. When Edward returns the gun to Hawkeye after getting out of gluttony's stomach, Hawkeye tells him about Ishval. Not knowing any other way to show him, she allows him to see her own dreamscape. Edward is filled with the fear and regret of killing innocent people as he sees fire bridging across the sky of her internal world. Amongst this he feels her passion for Mustang and protectiveness of him and Alphonse. Edward better understands the struggles of ishval. When Hawkeye notes that he must really love Winry, Edward ofcourse really denies it but she can see right through it. Eventually, Edward admits it and asks how she knew if he never showed his world to anyone. She states that she of all people would understand what love like that would look like without needing to see someone's internal world. They all express love differently however she does challenge why Edward doesn't allow himself to open up more. Edward brushes it off and pretends she doesn't know what she's talking about. He does not admit that the reason why he doesn't open up more is that he is afraid he would get hurt if people really understood how much he cared for others.
Eventually, before Mustang sends Edward up to Briggs the fear of the unknown overwhelms him. Edward has trouble admitting he is scared for what will happen to everyone now that the unit is dispersed. Mustang tries to assure him that nothing would happen. He jokes that if something were to happen to himself it might have been a great relief to Edward not to have him hanging over him anymore. Angry at his assumption that he doesn't care for Mustang, Edward eventually shows Mustang his dreamscape. Mustang is the first person to actually see it. Mustang is filled with all of Edward's love for him. He feels his respect for him as an alchemist and a superior officer. He feels how grateful Edward is for going to resembool to recruit him and the happiness he has felt since that day (outside of the pain and trouble). Mustang is completely astonished that Edward's internal self was something so powerful like that. He apologizes for what he said previously and tries his best to reassure Edward that everything will be alright. Even though they don't know what else is going to happen in the future, he knows that it is for the best. Edward leaves with these words of reassurance and the 520 cenz.
After the promised day the unit notices that Edward, aside from the great happiness Alphonse's body brings him, is rather distantly upset. They ask Mustang what is going on and he notes that with Edward he wouldn't expect anything less. They are really confused and Mustang mentions that he had seen Edward's internal world and now that he is blind he understands it even more. He doesn't tell them what it looked like and states that it isn't something for him to tell. But Edward, along with the rest of them, lost many friends during the Promised day and it is affecting him. The unit takes this to mind and try to talk to Edward about it. They comfort him and allows him to grieve but encourages him to still be happy. Though they haven't seen his internal world, they now understand that the grumpy teenager wasn't that anymore. Edward visits Mustang knowing that he must have talked to them about it and asks him what he told them. Mustang says nothing other than that he lost a few good friends. Edward is grateful for this. Mustang notes that Hawkeye might have let it slip that he likes Winry. Edward flushes red and tries his best to deny it but even Mustang knows that Hawkeye has the keenest eyes when it comes to something like that. Edward admits it and Mustang encourages him to finally be more open. He says with all the shit that has happened in his lifetime, they don't know what the next day will bring. He better try and let his friends understand how much he cares for them before it is too late and they never know. Edward understands this and contemplates it for a bit. Eventually he tries it. He first starts with his brother.
When Edward returns back to Resembool and proposes to Winry he lets her into his internal world. She is hesitant at first, completely shocked that he was allowing it. She knows that he isn't the most open person and asks him if he really wants to show it. Edward nods his head and says that there is nothing he is ashamed of hiding anymore. Winry feels all of the happiness Edward has been hiding over the years and is so overwhelmed with it that she begins crying. Edward laughs at her as she tries to wipe her eyes and she gets angry at him for being even more happy after she just felt all of that. He comforts her and Winry thanks him for everything. When he leaves on the train he looks out the window and waves to winry. He has no question in his mind that he did the right thing. He only wonders why he wasn't that open before.