Chapter 10
Jane felt lighter over the next few weeks. After a months-long nightmare, she could finally stop looking over her shoulder, could finally stop fearing for Maura's safety, for her family's. She could finally think about the future, and for the first time, it was a future with Maura that she was thinking about.
Of course, that was something she'd wanted for a long time, but she'd never imagined Maura feeling the same way. Now here she was, stating it all so matter-of-factly: she loved Jane. She wanted Jane to live with her forever. She wanted to raise the baby with Jane. It hardly seemed real, and Jane savored each moment she spent with the blonde in her arms, her soft lips on Jane's.
They hadn't consummated the relationship yet. There had been some intense make-out sessions and a lot of cuddling, but Maura had yet to make a move to go further, and Jane didn't dare. She certainly wanted to, she'd wanted to for years, but she was nervous. For one thing, she was afraid of letting her down. For another, she wasn't sure if Maura was ready for that sort of thing yet. How long did it take to want sex again after a really horrible sexual experience? The one thing she knew was that it needed to be Maura's idea. She wasn't going to have her feeling like everyone just wanted to get their hands on her. Still, she knew Maura was probably going to want to do it sooner or later, so she was Googling stuff on her phone about how to please a woman in bed whenever she got the chance.
Of course, their ordeal still wasn't over, even though the people who had hurt Maura were dead. Maura was still grappling with her memories of the traumatic event, and she was still dealing with her head injury. She had continued to have symptoms intermittently, and she told Jane one day that she believed the injury had set off an underlying condition. There was a treatment, she said, but it wasn't guaranteed to work, and there was a possibility of her condition deteriorating. Then she handed Jane her resignation, for Jane to turn in if Maura reached a point where she could no longer perform her job duties and was incapable of making the call herself. Jane thought this was a gross overreaction, but it got worse: she also had papers giving Jane equal decision-making rights for the baby, as well as the ability to assume full guardianship if Maura became unable to care for her.
"You're going to be able to take care of her," Jane promised. She realized how horrifying the situation must be for Maura, to finally get excited about having a baby and then learn she might not be up to the task of motherhood after all. Jane didn't know how to fight this particular demon for her.
"I just want to be prepared for the worst," Maura repeated. "I need to know she'll be taken care of no matter what. You're the person I want to do it."
"I would absolutely do it if I needed to, but I won't," Jane insisted. "You're going to be the best mommy in the world."
"I hope so," Maura whispered.
Jane had taken the papers from Maura, and she would keep them safe, but she wished there was more she could do to put Maura's mind at ease. The only reminder of Alice Sands she was willing to accept being left with was that baby – and the relationship she had unwittingly sparked. Jane couldn't help feeling a little smug about how that had turned out.
Maura seemed to be feeling more optimistic that evening, however. Jane found her at the Dirty Robber, sipping a Shirley Temple and sporting zombie makeup. Well, she wasn't in full makeup, but Kent had painted a realistic rotting gash on her face, which she was quite proud of and couldn't wait for Jane to see.
"Well I was going to kiss you, but I don't kiss zombies," Jane told her after she'd sat down and asked her mom for a beer.
"You were not going to kiss me," Maura laughed. "Your mom's here!"
"So? She has to find out about us one way or another."
"Yes, but I didn't think you'd want it to be like that," said Maura. "So far I haven't told anyone besides Melanie, who can't tell anybody. I thought perhaps we'd wait until the dust settled a little, metaphorically speaking."
"I'm fine with whatever makes you most comfortable." Jane looked at her and smiled. "So, I don't know if this is psychological or something, but you seem like you've gotten more beautiful. Like, your hair looks thicker and shinier, and your skin looks extra perfect, aside from that zombie gash. Am I just noticing stuff more now that we're a couple?"
Maura grinned. "That could be a contributing factor, but so is my pregnancy. The increased estrogen is prolonging my hair's growth phase, which makes it appear fuller, and increased blood flow to the skin causes that pregnancy glow."
"Oh. Well, it's working for you. You look gorgeous."
"Thank you," said Maura delightedly.
"Aside from the zombie makeup."
Maura giggled. "Last night I dreamed I had the baby and she was a zombie. I was so upset because I didn't know how she became a zombie inside of me. I felt like I'd failed her."
"It's this damn case," said Jane. "So how did you feel about your zombie baby?"
Maura smiled shyly. "I still loved her. I was trying to figure out how to find brains for her to eat."
"A growing baby's gotta have the right nutrition, even if she's undead." Jane smiled. "I knew you'd still love her. It's in your nature. You're just a loving person." She moved a strand of Maura's hair out of her face. "That's why I love you so much."
"Jane," Maura said fondly in response. Jane had never heard Maura use terms of endearment when speaking to anyone other than Bass, or T.J. when they used to babysit him, but she had this way of saying Jane's name that sounded warmer and dearer than any term of endearment ever could.
Suddenly Jane noticed Angela watching them, Jane's beer in her hand, an interesting look on her face. She saw Jane looking and came over to the table, putting the beer down. "Doesn't Maura look lovely?" she said to Jane. "She definitely has that pregnancy glow. She looks better than I've ever seen her, which is saying something since she always looks amazing."
"Yeah, she does," Jane agreed.
"I can only imagine how beautiful this baby's gonna be if she takes after Maura," Angela continued, giving Jane a meaningful look.
"Don't you have other customers to serve?" Jane asked her.
"Of course. I'll let you two have some time together," she said, beating a hasty retreat.
"Well that was odd. We get plenty of time together," said Maura.
"I think she wants to make sure this baby calls her Grandma," Jane said wryly.
"Oh! That would be lovely, if she would want it, and if you would."
Jane shrugged. "She wanted me to give her a grandkid. Maybe I will; just not the way she expected." She saw Angela sneaking glances at them from across the room and smiled at Maura. "You know what? Maybe I could make an exception to my zombie-kissing rule, if the zombie was pretty enough."
Maura lit up. "You really want to? In front of your mom?"
"Yeah, why not?" Jane gently moved a strand of hair out of Maura's face and leaned forwards, tenderly kissing her lips.
"I knew it!" The shout came from across the room as Angela came barreling towards them. "I knew there was something going on between you two!" She bore down on Maura, sweeping the startled blonde into a hug. "You're already my daughter as far as I'm concerned, but I sure wouldn't complain if you made an honest woman out of my Jane. I looked it up, in Massachusetts two moms can go on a baby's birth certificate as long as the moms are married at the time of the birth! You've got five months to take care of that!"
"Ma!" Jane shouted, feeling her cheeks burn.
"I'm just saying. I want my granddaughter taken care of." She kissed Maura's cheek. "Welcome to the family, sweetie. You know we all love you." She rounded on Jane. "Now you better treat her right. If you scare her away I'm never going to forgive you."
Maura laughed. "Jane has always treated me wonderfully, Angela."
"You'd better keep it up. I've got my eye on you," Angela said sternly as she went back to serve someone at the bar.
The evening passed pleasantly enough. They discussed Maura's medical condition a bit more, and Jane was relieved to hear that extreme deterioration was unlikely, but she understood Maura's need for a backup plan in case things went horribly wrong.
In bed that night, Maura snuggled up to Jane as usual, and, and always, Jane pulled her close. For a bit they each read, though Jane's thoughts were more on the blonde in her arms than the book in her hands, but suddenly Maura looked up.
"Jane, can I tell you something?"
"Of course, you can tell me anything."
"It's a problem I'm having that I was hoping you could help me with."
"Sure. Anything you need."
"Well I don't want you to agree to do it unless you really want to."
"Okay, well what is it?"
Maura bit her lip nervously. "My body is producing large amounts of estrogen, progesterone, and oxytocin right now," she said.
"Mmm-hmm. And in English?"
"I'm experiencing increased blood flow to my pelvic region, as well as an increased emotional need for intimacy. My nipples are also feeling increased sensitivity."
"Mmm. So what you're trying to say is, the pregnancy is making you horny?"
Maura looked at her. "My sex drive was virtually nonexistent at the beginning of the pregnancy, both as the result of trauma and the hormone levels I had at the time, but due to recent hormonal changes as well as the change in the nature of our relationship, I find that whenever I look at you now, I think about having sex with you."
"Oh really?" Jane raised an eyebrow in amusement.
"Yes! And if you don't want to right now, I understand, but I've wanted to do it for years, and currently It feels very…urgent."
"Urgent, huh?"
"Yes! It's not logical, but I feel like I'm going to die if you don't give me an orgasm as soon as possible."
Jane couldn't help chuckling. "Well, I can do my best. I've never given another woman an orgasm before, so I'm not sure if I'll be, you know, successful, but…"
"I don't think it'll be a problem." Maura shifted in her arms, pressing her body more fully against Jane's. "So you'll do it?"
"Of course. You're the woman I love. As long as you're willing to put up with my inexpert fumbling, I'm down."
"Oh, Jane, I won't let you fumble." Maura kissed her, slowly, softly. "There's no reason to feel awkward," she whispered. "This is the most natural thing in the world."
Jane shivered pleasantly as she felt Maura's breath on her neck, the doctor's nimble fingers gently pushing her tank top up and pulling it over her head, tossing it aside. Her lips eagerly traveled down Jane's neck, onto her chest, and encircled a nipple as casually as if she'd already planned out every step of this adventure. Her hands moved downwards, slipping Jane's shorts down as far as she could and then pulling them off the rest of the way with her foot.
"Hey," said Jane, amazed at how quickly things were moving, "am I supposed to get you naked, too?"
"Of course," said Maura. "That's part of sex."
"Okay, just checking." Jane's fingers moved to the hem of Maura's silk nightgown, then slowly lifted it off over her head, revealing a perfect naked body. Her fingers traced the baby bump and then moved upwards.
"Touch me," Maura breathed. "I want to feel your hands all over me."
Okay, that was hot. "Are your boobs sore?" she asked, her fingers caressing soft skin but stopping short of the mounds she wanted so badly to feel in her hands. "Mine were really sore when I was pregnant."
"They're a bit tender if someone bumps into me, but they can handle being touched. Please do it. The last person who touched me intimately was doing it to hurt me. I just want to feel loved."
"You are loved. I love you, more than anything in the world." She was determined to make Maura see that, to make her feel like the most precious human being in the world, because that was exactly what she was. She cupped the blonde's breasts, teasing her nipples with her thumbs, and covered her face in kisses. She decided she was going to kiss everything to make Maura feel how loved she was. She moved down her neck, over her shoulder, and down her arms, kissing her hand and each individual finger. She moved to the other side, starting with her fingers and working her way up until she was back to Maura's chest. Feeling emboldened by this new intimacy, she moved on to those exquisite breasts, kissing her way around each one before teasing one nipple, then the other, with her tongue. Maura moaned softly, her fingers now working their way into Jane's hair. Jane finally moved on, planting kisses on Maura's stomach, where the baby was housed. She slowed down when she found herself approaching another mound, one she'd never dared even think about touching. "Maura, do you want…"
"No," Maura murmured.
"Oh, okay," said Jane, withdrawing quickly.
"No, I mean, come here. I want to do it together."
"Oh. Okay." Following Maura's gesture, Jane stretched out so that she and Maura were facing each other. "What do you…what do you want me to do?"
"Do what I do," said Maura. Her fingers trailed down Jane's skin and then slipped between her legs, finding her wet and ready. She slowly caressed her swollen folds, savoring it. Jane was unable to contain a small moan of pleasure as she hesitantly reached for Maura's heat, caressing her in the same way. She was surprised (she wasn't sure why) to find Maura just as wet, just as swollen, and it turned her on immensely. Another moan escaped her, this time more in response to the feel of Maura's slick folds under her fingers than from anything Maura was doing to her. But that was the thing, wasn't it? She was enjoying touching and being touched in equal measure, for the first time in her life. This was like nothing she had ever experienced before.
Maura's finger found Jane's clit and began stroking, lightly and then harder, her spare hand working Jane's right breast. Jane involuntarily rocked her hips forwards, wordlessly begging Maura to touch her more, to do it harder. Maura did, adding another finger so she was now rubbing both sides of her clit at once. Jane, following her lead, sought out Maura's own sensitive spot and began stroking her the same way, paying attention to Maura's cues to figure out if she should go faster or slower. While her left hand did that, her right crept up towards Maura's left breast, fingers lightly circling a taught nipple. Her lips found Maura's, reveling in the seemingly endless beautiful sensations they were making together.
Then Maura's fingers moved to Jane's entrance and paused as if asking a silent question. In answer, Jane moved her hips to take her in. Maura's fingers, already wet with Jane's juices, easily slipped inside, causing the detective to gasp and pull back from their kiss.
"Is this okay?" Maura murmured. "Do you like this?"
"Yes. Yes, definitely."
"Do it to me too. I want it. I want you there."
Jane nodded and cautiously entered her girlfriend, feeling like she had just been granted access to the holiest temple in the world. She mimicked Maura's rhythm as the blonde began to move her fingers inside of her. They both moved in and out, thrusting deeper and faster, until Jane felt Maura clenching around her fingers. She was so amazed to be making Maura come that the very thought triggered her own orgasm, the sweetest she had ever felt. Then the two women lay panting, holding each other close.
"Maura, that was…" Jane searched for the right word, but none seemed adequate.
"Beautiful," gasped Maura. "Jane, it was perfect. Thank you."
"You're thanking me?"
"Yes, for making me feel good again."
"Well, I've never felt as good as you just made me feel, so maybe I should be the one thanking you."
"Really?"
"Yeah." Jane kissed her, fingering the blonde's soft hair. "So is this it, then? We're settled now?"
"What do you mean?"
"Is this really how I'm spending the rest of my life? I'm going to stay in this house, live with you, be another mommy to your little girl? And we'll do this a lot?"
"If that's what you want. I have invited you to do exactly that. Whether you accept my invitation is up to you."
"Of course I accept it. Maura, this is…this is beyond my wildest dreams. Just a few months ago, my life was the most unsettled it had ever been. I was living in my brother's closet, for crying out loud. It's weird to think that I could have gone straight from that to being completely settled, with a home and family just waiting for me."
"I suppose it is a bit sudden. I understand if you need time to think."
"Maura, no. No." She hugged the smaller woman close, feeling their skin together, the gentle swell of Maura's pregnant belly against her own flat stomach. "I don't need time to think. There is no place else I could possibly want to be. And now that there's nobody after me anymore, there's no reason to even hesitate. I'll stay here, forever. I'll tell the world this is how it is, that the three of us are a family now."
She could feel Maura's smile against her chest. "My Jane, thank you. That gives me one less thing to worry about."
"I already told you, I should be the one thanking you." Jane pulled back to look at the woman's beautiful face. "Do you feel better now? Less horny?"
Maura smiled, slowly shaking her head.
"Are you serious? You're insatiably horny?"
Maura laughed. "Perhaps I could be sated."
"Perhaps?"
"Well." Maura smiled coyly. "There's only one way to find out."