Well here's the newest installment of I'll Wait For You! :)

Just in time for the New Year!

I hope everyone out there had a great Christmas and holiday and I thought I'd help celebrate the new year by updating once again.

So here's the new chapter and reviews are highly encouraged! I do have to warn you that there is some explicit content, which is also why this fanfic was rated M. Just a warning, some lemons are coming up, so if you want to skip it be free too. I will be marking off where it begins and where it ends.

Chapter 9 part 2: More Than I Expected

Previously:

I guess I found my decision because seeing how many tears I was letting fall from my face, I definitely wasn't ready for this.

Breaking me from my own emotional state, I suddenly felt strong arms wrap around me and despite how I barely felt any emotional connection between him and I, I wrapped my arms around him too. It was a nice gesture and I felt as though I needed someone there for me. Makoto was the person that was always there for me and he tried his best to make me happy.

Maybe I was thinking through this whole situation wrong. I've been so caught up about myself, being so selfish and never thinking about how he felt, that I didn't realize how much I would hurt him if I refused to marry him.

He loved me, that was certain; I could always see it in his eyes and he took care of me when I needed someone there for me the most. He surely wasn't someone that I was one-hundred percent sure that was my soul mate or true love, but who else did I have to turn to?

If I said no, I'd be hurting him the most and I couldn't bare to do that. Makoto's always been the one trying to make me happy, it would only be right if I made him happy by staying by his side.

I hadn't realized how long he had been holding me in his arms until I suddenly stopped and saw that the sun had fully set. Now it was as dark as ever and as the moon shone down upon the two of us, I heard Makoto whisper soothing words into my ear that seemed to calm me down.

Once I was able to return to my calm stature, I stood before him and noticed that he had returned to his kneeling position, still waiting for my answer.

I still wasn't sure if I'd be able to speak for myself because I was worried that I wouldn't be able to say it. I didn't dare to open my mouth to say anything and as I looked back at him, I knew I was sealing my fate.

Taking a gulp before finally deciding what I would do, I decided to give him my answer.

I couldn't help but look at him and nod my head yes. My mind was boggled down by so much pain that I was willing to take whatever happiness my life was going to give me. And as I saw the happiness swell into his eyes, he quickly put the ring on my finger. Looking back at him with his soft gaze, he kissed my forehead and as he embraced me again, he brought his lips down onto mine. It was a simple kiss, but at that moment, I relished in the thought of having someone saving me from my sadness and my loneliness, so I kissed back with as much passion as I could give to him.

I felt my hands get tangled in his dark blue hair and it felt as though we were the only two people in this world. After a few more moments, we stopped and took a breath; looking into each other's eyes, I hadn't realized that we were in motion until I noticed that Makoto picked me up and carried me into his arms.

And before I knew it, we were back at his home.

We had quickly passed through his front door and seeing that it was already dark, I had no idea how he was able to carry me into his room. As we both entered into his bedroom, he set me down onto his bed softly as his lips met mine again.

Returning his kiss, I kissed back and as I moved my hands through his blue hair, I felt him slowly push me onto my back. I felt him slowly ravish my body with his hands and as my own breathing sped up, I felt as though my body was betraying my own thoughts. On the inside, I knew I could never grow to love Makoto, but right then and there, I felt the security in my life that I always wanted, so I let him continue.

He soft lips met mine again and as I felt his tongue lick my lower lip, I opened my mouth to welcome him in. Still grabbing onto his hair to push his body closer to me, I felt the strong passion that he held for me inside of him. As we continued to kiss for what felt like eternity, I felt his hand slowly graze over my obi and quickly untie it.

WARNING! Lemons starting now!:

It was as though nothing mattered at that moment and as I felt him pull each layer of the kimono from my body, I felt myself slowly become excited by this.

Within moments, my kimono was off and I was only in my undergarments; as I felt his hands move across my bare skin, I shivered at his touch. As we continued to kiss, I felt him slowly peel off my bra, letting my breasts harden from the cold air, and as I felt my panties get pulled off by him as well, I felt exposed, so I quickly tried to cover myself up with my arms. But as I tried to, Makoto quickly stopped me as he held my arms above my head. I saw him look at me with a hint of concern and lust and as I cowered under his gaze, I felt self-conscious of my figure; I didn't have a huge chest, and although I did have curves, I never was that confident about my body. As I still showed that low self-esteem in my eyes, I saw him lift his head and meet up with my green orbs.

Grabbing my chin, Makoto forced me to look at him and as he came closer, close enough for me to feel his hot breath near my ear, he whispered, "Hikari, you're beautiful."

Those words seemed so powerful to me and as I blushed under his gaze, I nodded at his statement. Slowly he let go of my arms and as I looked at him, I failed to notice that his chest was bare to me and he was only wearing a pair of black boxers.

I felt him slowly skim over my body and as I relaxed under his touch, my skin became enflamed by his touch. I decided to be bold as well and as I touched the hard muscles on his chest, I let out a loud moan as I felt him suck on my neck.

Sucking and nipping at the crook of my neck only made me moan even more and as I felt him smirk into my skin, he continued to perform the same action again. At that moment, I couldn't help but grab onto his hair and let the sound come out of my mouth over and over again. As my back arched from the immense pleasure he was giving me, I felt him move lower.

As his tongue flicked across my left breast, I moaned even louder and said his name over and over again as he took one into his mouth. "Ma-makoto…" I said out of breathe as I continued to grab at his hair. "W-w-we're moving too fast."

He lifted his head from where it was and as he looked back at me, he gave me a look of reassurance and cupped my chin; giving me another kiss, I nodded at him to continue.

Continuing at where he left off, Makoto gave my other breast the same attention and as I moaned louder and louder each time, I arched into him again. As I felt my legs wrap around his waist, I felt his manhood behind the black cloth and I was sure my excitement showed in my eyes.

As Makoto met my gaze again, I saw him slowly move away from me and as his boxers came off quicker than my eyes could see, I suddenly blushed at what I was seeing. After all, I was still a virgin and as I felt him smirk at me, he quickly moved towards me.

I felt our skin touch each other and as I felt his mouth move lower and lower down my body, I felt so much passion from him. But as I felt him hover over my womanhood, I started to doubt myself. I felt sorry that I was sort of taking advantage of him and even though I did want to feel loved, I knew this was wrong.

I froze right there and wondered if there was anyway I could get out of this. I felt as though there was no air coming into my lungs, as though I was suffering some sort of panic attack that I couldn't stop from coming.

But as I pondered over at how I would get myself out of this situation this time, I didn't have time to think of a plan as something else entered my own thoughts.

As I felt one of his fingers slowly enter into me, my body betrayed me once again as I arched into his touch and moaned out his name. Taking this as a signal, I felt another finger enter into me and as I felt his fingers make my tight opening a little wider; my toes curled up in pleasure and at that point, I tried to stop myself from showing him any pleasure, but I couldn't help it. I once again grabbed onto his hair, and as I felt a fourth finger enter, it took me over the top and I wouldn't help but moan again.

Moments later, his fingers left my opening, and as I propped myself up by my elbows, I whimpered at the absence of his touch; my orbs showed some sort of desire coming from deep within me apparently and I think he took that look the wrong way. I felt his lips meet mine again and at that exact moment, I felt his manhood slowly fill my opening.

I felt him softly kissing my lips and as I heard him whisper that it would hurt at first, I saw him prepare himself to enter me and break my barrier.

Ended! It's safe now!

In my mind, I started panicking and I was afraid that my body would betray me again and allow him to take me there; I didn't know what to think at that moment and as I tried to find the will to speak, nothing came out as I started to cry.

Tears started pouring from my orbs and as I saw him stop through my tears, he was still inside me, but nothing had happened yet. Makoto came closer to my face and as he wiped away each tear, he said aloud, "Hikari…are you all right? If you don't want this, I won't mind. We always have other chances after we get married to try this again." With this, I nodded and as I felt him slowly remove his manhood from my opening, I couldn't help but cry out more as I felt ashamed.

This couldn't have been what I wanted. Makoto was nice and to me, he was probably one of the best males out there, but now, I wasn't too sure if I wanted to lose my innocence to him.

The question for me was if I actually loved him as much as I was trying to tell myself that I did. Love, it's such a simple word, but it has so many standards to it. There's love for your father, your mother, your brother, and your grandmother, but love for your lover is suppose to feel different. And what I was feeling about Makoto didn't feel different at all. I couldn't really describe it, it just wasn't different to me in any way.

I was broken out of my thoughts once again as I sensed Makoto approaching me again and embracing me with his arms. I wanted to find comfort in him and as I nuzzled into the crook of his neck, I listened to his soothing words. "Hikari, it was wrong of me to take advantage of you like this; I know you've been through a lot of pain and suffering and I just want to make you happy. Just know that I will be there for you and protect you no matter what because I love you."

My eyes widened in shock at that statement and I didn't dare to look at his gaze because I was afraid that I would break down again. I always thought when I heard those three words, I would feel happy, as if something was going right in my life, but as of now, I felt even sadder. I had tried to take advantage of him because I wanted all the pain to stop, but now I realized the consequences of my actions. But I couldn't do anything about it because I knew that within time, I would become his wife and there was no turning back because you can't change the past.

Maybe I couldn't do it because I felt ashamed, or maybe it was because it didn't feel right, but whatever reason why I decided to stop, I knew that in the end, people just don't live up to your expectations. Sometimes you wish people would keep their word and be there, but in the end, you find that they're only lies that they use; when you put too much trust and faith in a person, in the end, it's the person that you trust the most that hurts you.

I can't turn back time and take back my own words and actions and I think this was something that I'd have to live with for the rest of my life. What was done was done and now I had to live with the consequences whether I liked it or not.

Life's full of disappointments and nothing you do can ever change that. You can run, you can hide, but in the end, it will always catch up to you. You can't run away from the disappointments forever and despite how you try to build yourself up to prevent yourself from becoming disappointed ever again, it will always happen. You can't become immune to it because it's like a disease that will never go away.

Makoto was my life line; he was someone who could save me from all my pain and although I knew it was wrong to take advantage of him, I couldn't help it. I was selfish in a way and I think in a way, we all are selfish.

We all want the pain to go away and in the end, we all choose someone else who we believe they can take that pain away. But maybe taking advantage of that person isn't the answer; we all need to find our own happiness and I didn't know if I would truly be happy if I stayed at Makoto's side forever.

Even while laying there beside him, I didn't know what to think. All I knew was that while I heard Makoto slowly breathe in and out, signaling that he was asleep, the engagement ring kept haunting me.

Still looking at it as it glared back at me, it was taunting me and even though I tried to close my eyes and try to go to sleep, I couldn't get my own mind off at how deep a hole I was digging for myself. I was only getting deeper and deeper and who knew if there would be a way out.

Well I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and sorry it's short. I was intending it to be a little bit longer, but I was just trying to get this chapter out as quickly as possible. I'm pretty happy with it I suppose considering that this was my first lemon I ever wrote. Please don't judge; by the time I was done with this chapter, my face was fully red. Writing scenes like this is new to me, and I actually had trouble with it, so yeah. I guess it didn't turn out as horrible as I expected considering that I had to look at some fanfics on here that dealt with these types of scenes.

Well after explaining to you readers out there how I was able to write this, when I had to reread it several times, I was still not comfortable with it seeing that my face kept getting red.

As for now, tell me what you think of the chapter! Don't be afraid to review and criticize or review to tell me if you liked it or not. Any review is fine with me. Just helps me become a better writer.

As of now, I hope you all have a safe and happy New Year!

*Confetti throwing*

Sincerely,

Katara