Chapter 10: It's Britney, bitch (2)
"Those kids totally hoodwinked you," Shannon Beiste chuckled, shaking her head fondly at Will. The new friends were commiserating over lunch in the teachers lounge.
In the beginning, it had been a lonely lunch-break for Will Schuester. With the lack of Emma's constant presence, he had run out of ways to avoid sitting alone at what used to be 'their' table. Luckily, that all changed the day Beiste joined him, offering the glee director a friendly smile and a willing ear.
As had become the norm, the new football coach had systematically worked her way through a plate of chicken, while making conversation. She was currently relating the spectacle of Artie and Finn attempting to re-join the team, for the umpteenth time since their dismissal. She had, for the most part, been listening to Will's story with a frown creasing her forehead, only nodding now and then for him to continue. She was mopping up what little remained of her meal with a breadroll when he finished.
Will only smiled, oddly charmed at her behaviour. The Spanish teacher found himself genuinely liking the unorthodox woman, despite Sue's earlier complaints. Silently, he stared at her empty plate, taking in her assertion before scoffing in dismissal. Those kids were dramatic, sure, but they weren't manipulative. He finished chewing his apple, and swallowed hastily to deny her claim. "What? No, they just..." he shook his head, unable to complete his thought.
"Basically threatened to all quit if you didn't give in to their demands," she interrupted with a matter-of-fact tone, looking him dead in the eye. Her face softened. "Look, it's what kids do, right?" she smiled. "See how far they can push authority, and all that."
The more he thought about it, the deeper the truth of her words sunk in. "And I fell for it," he mumbled, embarrassed.
The big woman clapped a hand on his shoulder in sympathy. Will flinched, casually checking to see if her hand left a greasy stain on his vest. "So, what do I do about it?" he asked, noting with relief that there was no trace of a stain. "I can't tell them to choose another song; not again. I'd have a riot on my hands," he finished morosely.
Shannon pursed her lips in concentration, nodding thoughtfully, before shrugging at him. "Heck if I know." She opened a can of soda and took a sip, foregoing a straw as usual. "They're your kids, Will. What do you think you have to do?"
Before he could answer, they were joined by a visibly irritated Sue Sylvester. She strode into the lounge and grabbed Coach Beiste's soda right as she was taking another sip. "Hey!" the Southerner protested. "Get yer own!"
"Please," Coach Sylvester waved her off, "after taking half my budget, this is the least of what you owe me. And don't think for one second that I will not collect. Every. Last. Cent."
"It wasn't half..." Beiste tried to defend.
Sue ignored her, scowling in disgust at the beverage she had appropriated. "What is this swill?" she muttered. Not waiting for an answer, she finished the rest of the soda in one long pull. Slamming the empty can down hard, she drawled, "Now, that was satisfying."
Abruptly she pointed a finger at Will. "What the hell do you think you're doing, Schuester?" She smirked inwardly as he seemed to sink further into his chair.
He cleared his suddenly dried throat, hoping he didn't stutter. "Having lunch?" came the timid reply.
"Exactly," the cheerleading coach sneered. "You're in here, having lunch with Moby Dick's second cousin, allowing those mouthbreathers you call a glee-club to corrupt my ears with Ke$ha, of all things." She took a deep breath, glaring fiercely at the flabbergasted man. "How dare you." She bent down to stare deeply into his (slightly terrified) eyes. "This is your worst infraction yet. That noise is an abomination, William, and while I understand that you have the urge to commune with your peers, this school is not the place for it. You will fix that oversight, right now." She straightened, tugging her trade-mark tracksuit into place.
He finally found his voice. "The kids have chosen to perform 'Tik Tok' for the assembly, Sue. I've already banned anything by Britney Spears; I can't ban anything else." Will shrunk back even further than before when the tall blonde leaned into his space again, apparently getting ready for an interrogation.
"Which song?" she asked lowly.
"What?" he replied. It was always so difficult to keep up with the other woman, especially in such close quarters. "Um, I just told you-"
"Which Britney song, for the love of God!' she interrupted, exasperated. Really, why was it so hard for people to understand her? The question was perfectly clear.
"Oh," Will sagged in relief. "We didn't get that far, actually. Brittany was rather upset by the initial choice of artist, and-"
"Who?"
"Uh, Brittany Fabray?" Schuester trailed off uncertainly. "Apparently she feels victimized by..." But Sue was already gone. He turned a bewildered expression on Shannon, who had remained curiously silent throughout his ordeal. "What just happened?"
"Damned if I know," she said softly, shaking her head. "That is one crazy lady." She tilted her head at Will. "You okay there, punkin? Yer lookin' a bit pale."
Will would have looked even paler if he had any idea exactly what he had just, unwittingly, unleashed on his beloved kids.
Sue would have been disgusted at the fact that she knew these kids so well, if disgust was an emotion she would ever assosiate with herself. Instead, she only sneered as she took in the singing, dancing, annoying mess that was Schuester's beloved glee-club. They were in the auditorium, of course, and as per usual the biggest annoyance of them all, Rachel Berry, was front and center. It was the newly-reinstated Head Cheerio that noticed her first, however. Sue hid a proud smile at that. She had taught her team well.
"Coach?" Santana asked warily. "Do you need me to do something for you?" She self-consciously folded her arms over her chest as a defence. There was just something about not knowing Sylvester was watching her sing and dance that unnerved her.
"Yes," came the answer, the voice causing Santana to stand up straighter, "you can abandon this sad excuse for a team, once and for all."
From the corner of her eye the tall blonde could see Berry gearing up for a retort, and she chuckled evilly. "Stand down, future Broadway reject. Actually, I'm here on business. Glee business." She pinned them all with her fiery glare, before snapping onto Brittany, her prized tumbler. "B, c'mere," she beckoned the girl over. "Now, what's this I hear about you and Britney Spears?"
Sam cast a suspicious look in the cheerleading coach's direction, before making his way over to Santana. "Should we be concerned about that?" he asked, nodding at the two whispering blondes. Santana shrugged in response. Coach Sylvester might be crazier than anyone else in the world, but she also had a weird soft-spot for Britts. Didn't mean she wouldn't be watching that interaction like a hawk, though
Sam was watching silently too, before gasping in surprise when he saw Sylvester take hold of Brittany's hands. He had to quickly grab Santana when the latina made to lunge their way, though. "Hey, whoa!" he yelled.
"Let me go, Sam," she snarled, struggling in his grip. "I swear to God," she threatened in Spanish, pushing and pulling at the blonde's arms. "I will crush your junk if you don't-"
"No, Santana, just look," he interrupted, shaking her a little. For such a slight girl, his sister's girlfriend was surprisingly hard to contain. "She's smiling," he pointed out. "Brittany is smiling!"
The Latina's glare snapped up in their direction at his words, confirming that Brittany was, indeed, smiling. "What the hell?"
"My thoughts exactly," Mercedes interrupted them. She had seen Sam going over to talk to Santana, and had been watching their interaction cautiously, prefering to ignore the little voice in her head that was trying to label her mounting dread as jealousy. "What's goin' on over here?" she asked, hoping she came off as casual. "And where's Britt?" She flicked her gaze to Sam's arms still around Santana, then back up at the silent duo.
Santana was the first to respond. She slipped out of the boy's loose embrace, mumbling curses in Spanish under her breath. She was supposed to be the Head Bitch, for crying out loud!
"Sorry," Sam grimaced, feeling his cheeks flare. He quickly took a step away from the scowling Latina, keeping his hands behind his back. "Please don't kill me. I was just-"
"Whatever," Santana dismissed him with a wave. "It's the closest you'll ever get to a smokin' hot babe anyway. Consider it your birthday and Christmas presents from me, for like, the rest of your life." She glared at Mercedes. "What?"
The black girl just shrugged. "I didn't say anything." A beat. Then, "Y'all did look awfully cozy though," she smirked. "Not missing the hetero-life, are we S?" she teased.
The girl in question only huffed before making her way to her girlfriend. Brittany was bouncing on the balls of her feet, smiling as wide as Santana had ever seen her do. "Hey," she greeted her softly, absolutely charmed by the sight, "someone's happy."
"Hey back," Brittany said, reaching to pull the smaller girl into her arms. "I missed you," she whispered, smiling wickedly at the shiver her words, and the proximity of her mouth to Santana's ear elicited. She pulled back, taking in the light blush on her girlfriend's cheeks with sparkling blue eyes. "So guess what?"
Meanwhile, the rest of the gleeks were being corralled by a determined Sue Sylvester. She very unceremoniously prevented Artie and Finn from joining the group on stage though. "Nope, not on my watch," was the only explanation she offered. Her cold stare did not encourage further questions, and the two boys quickly moved to the seating area instead.
Sue then commandeered Mercedes ("Aretha, release that back into the ocean!") to find Kurt ("Porcelain"), before instructing Sam ("Trouty Mouth") to hand over his cellphone, and proceeded to demand Quintin's immediate presence. "Forget about the suspension," she nullified his objections. "Just get your ass over here right now. I'll handle everything else."
And that's exactly what she did. She is Sue Sylvester, after all. Did anyone really expect anything less?
Sue admitted, grudgingly, and only in the private pages of her journal, that helping those idiots in glee with their routine had felt, well, not good, but as close to good as helping anyone had ever felt. You know, for Sue. Getting to rub their performance in William's face was just the icing on the protein-shake.
Backstage at Friday's assembly, with Sue sylvester's idea of a pep-talk still ringing in her ears (like literally ringing, because the cheerleading coach had Becky Jackson ring two bells at them for three minutes straight, instead of saying anything to them), was strangely quiet. There was no Mr Schuester, looking ready to jump on-stage and just joining in with them at the drop of a hat. In fact, ever since Sue took over, they hadn't really seen much of their glee director at all.
I've never seen him so cowed, Rachel reflected. Usually he was the first to oppose whatever crazy plan Coach Sylvester tried against the New Directions, and his meek attitude now was just unsettling. And really, what was Sue up to with this? She definitely didn't care one way or the other whether Brittany spent the rest of her life thinking Britney Spears was out to ruin her life. Ergo, crazy plan to sabotage Glee-club. But how? She turned to address Santana.
"Maybe we shouldn't-"
The Latina put a hand up to stall whatever she was about to say. "Save it, Berry. It's done. We're doin' this, come hell or high water." She sighed, recognizing the worried glint in her glee-captain's eyes. "Look," Santana began, "whatever Coach is planning, which we don't even know that she is." She simply shrugged at Rachel's pointed look, because yeah, it was all kinds of fishy.
"Let's just do this song, okay?" she tried again. "We'll figure out the master-plan after."
And then it was time. They could hear Principal Figgins accented voice announcing the New Directions, and then the curtains swooshed open, and Brad gave the signal to begin.
The teens had ended up choosing to do a slightly acapella version of 'Toxic', with Brittany, Santana, Rachel and Quintin featured on the solo parts. Without Finn and Artie there, it enabled everyone to be partnered up in a boy/girl coupling: Kurt and Mercedes, Tina and Puck, Mike and Brittany, Sam and Santana, and Rachel and Quintin. They were dressed in white shirts and black pants, with fedoras that had a white band as well. The boys wore suspenders, while the girls wore ties, also black. It was stylish and elegant ... and sexy. This was made abundantly clear as soon as Brittany opened her mouth. (It might also have been the fact that she was bent over, with her ass facing the crowd when she opened her mouth, though.)
McKinley was in ecstasy.
Her protests died in her throat when they heard Sue Sylvester's sarcasm-laced voice, introducing the glee-club from in front of the heavy stage curtain...