Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.
Love and appreciation to my betas. Also - I'm seeing a lot of activity for this story, but not a lot of comments. I don't know if I'm on the right track or not, if nobody says anything. Just sayin'. =]
This is a long chapter. Get yourself some sustenance, a kleenex (if I wrote it right), and a comfy chair. I'll see ya at the end.
Previously:
"Thank you for taking me to see the tide pools," she said as Edward handed her the cooler. She forced a small smile.
"It was my pleasure. Thank you for coming." Edward glanced at Bella's lips the way he had at the beach, and Bella instinctively took a step closer to her door.
Edward took the hint.
"Goodnight, Bella." He smiled softly and jogged down the steps, driving off into the night.
Edward didn't sleep well that night. When he awoke for the third time at 5am, he gave up and got up, deciding a long jog would clear his mind. He threw on a gray t-shirt and his black Nike running shorts. He shut the front door, slid his iPhone into the armband, and blasted System of a Down.
He pounded the pavement, each step oozing frustration as Edward replayed the events of the night before. He was sure he was missing something. Three miles into his run, his dinner with Bella at the Getty Center came to mind. He hadn't thought much of it at the time, but looking back, her behavior had been a little bit odd. She had gotten kind of spacey. Could she be on drugs? he wondered, turning onto Bellagio and heading north. He decided against it - she didn't look like a drug addict. But then what? She mentioned low blood sugar at the restaurant, then last night had some sort of asthma attack. Is she hiding some kind of illness? He pondered the possibility for a mile or so but shot it down, as well. Why would she need to hide something like that?
Having run his normal route, Edward reached home no less frustrated than when he began. He glanced up at Emmett's window; it was dark. He passed the house and kept running.
Two things he eventually became sure of; one: Bella was intentionally hiding something from him. Two: he didn't like it.
As he rounded Glenroy and headed toward home again, he chastised himself for his ego. Why would she open herself up to him? She was obviously not that into him. And this, he realized with an uncomfortable tinge in his chest, was uncharted territory for him. Whether for his car or his major, his brother or his perceived wealth, girls were always throwing themselves at Edward Cullen. While he loathed that behavior intellectually, his ego was accustomed to it. What was he to do with a girl who kept him at arm's length?
He was no closer to a resolution as he reached his driveway and slowed to a walk. Inside, he went straight for the kitchen, grabbing an energy bar from the cupboard. He poured himself a tall glass of orange juice and sat down at the island in the center of the room. Emmett walked in a few minutes later. Edward glanced at the clock; he'd been jogging for three hours.
"Huh. I'd have thought you'd sleep in after your hot date last night," Emmett smirked. Edward didn't acknowledge him.
He heard Rosalie's heels on the kitchen tile before he saw her. She gave Emmett a quick kiss and ignored Edward completely. "I have to be in Malibu by 10am, baby. I'll see you later."
"Fun times with the Princess last night?" Edward asked snidely.
"I always have fun with Rose." Emmett wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Edward made a disgusted face, and Emmett laughed. He chugged the rest of his juice, tossed the rest of the energy bar into the trash, and went upstairs to shower.
x – x – x – x – x
Bella slept hard, and woke up at 8am feeling groggy, but not anxious. She had not dreamt. She looked over at Jake's side of the room; he wasn't home. So she folded up the futon and sat the big pillow on the floor. She sat cross-legged on the pillow and began her morning meditation. When she was done, she uploaded last night's pictures to the computer, deleting the bad shots, marking the good ones.
As she scrolled through them, she wished she had thought to take one of Edward, because she probably would not see him again outside of class. She was simply too damaged to be dragging any more people into her life.
She got to the bookstore at 10am and clocked in for what turned out to be a boring Monday. There weren't many students in, and there wasn't much busy work to be done. Alice and Bella stood around the cash register idly.
"So how did your date go yesterday?"
"The beach was beautiful," Bella hedged.
Alice narrowed her eyes as if she were trying to read fine print. Bella eventually cracked under the scrutiny. "What?" she asked, annoyed.
"You don't like him," Alice breathed, in awe.
"It's not that – I'm just not sure we're all that compatible," Bella answered, avoiding Alice's prying eyes.
Alice stared at her for a long moment just the same, finally narrowing her eyes in accusation. "Mmm," was all she said. Bella didn't know what to make of that, but it didn't sound good. She changed the subject to Jasper's band.
When her shift was over, Bella went home and cleaned the loft. When she was done, she still had at least an hour before Jake would be walking in the door. She decided to cook dinner for them, putting a large pot of water to boil, and pulling some tomatoes and onions from the fridge.
Jake walked in about 7pm, shut the door, and took a big whiff. "Something smells good!"
Bella jumped at the sound of his voice, and turned around quickly. Jake quirked an eyebrow at her reaction, to which Bella just smiled apologetically. It wasn't his fault he startled her. She had been deep in thought, arguing with herself and mentally rehearsing all the reasons it was a bad idea to see Edward again.
"Rough day?" Jake took off his boots and set them by the door.
"I guess," Bella shrugged. "Well, no, actually, not really."
"Dream?"
Bella shook her head, facing the stove again to stir the spaghetti sauce.
"Date go okay?"
"Edward was really nice, and the beach was amazing. I'll show you the photos I took after dinner."
Jake shrugged to himself. Whatever was going on, she obviously wasn't talking. He grabbed a change of clothes from his dresser and headed to the bathroom for a shower.
After two huge plates of spaghetti, Jake finally joined Bella at the computer.
"Alright, let's see these pictures." Jake sat on a crate and opened a can of cheap soda. Bella had deleted about two thirds of what she took, leaving what she hoped were twenty really good shots.
When Bella got to the shots of the sunset, Jake whistled. Bella grinned and glanced at Jake. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. These are really good, Bella. You need to enter these in a contest or something."
"What contest?" Bella scoffed.
"I don't know," Jake shrugged. "Big school like UCLA has to have a photography club or something, don't it? You've taken lots of incredible photos over the years. It would be cool to see you enter these in something."
x – x – x – x – x
When Bella walked into Advanced English Lit on Thursday, Edward was already seated up in the first seat of the last row. He had a paper coffee cup in his hand and a laptop open before him. Their eyes connected; Edward sat up straighter and smiled, offering a small wave. He hoped that Bella would climb the stairs and join him. His face fell somewhat when, instead, she simply offered him a small smile and a single wave before sitting in her usual seat by the door.
Bella bit her lower lip and pulled her notebook out of her backpack. Edward had looked almost like he wanted her to sit with him. But that was a bad idea for a couple of reasons, she knew. With a sigh, she tucked the hair that had fallen out of her bun behind her ear, and got ready to work.
Edward gawked at the back of Bella's head. Did she just blow him off? A memory of a previous conversation came to mind. Bella had a thing about being near the door. His hand floated to his laptop, ready to snap it shut and move down. But she hadn't gestured for him to join her. He took a long look at the back of that pretty little head. He doubted she would have gestured for him even if she wanted him to join her. He grimaced. Would that be weird to pack up his things and move? If he stayed where he was, would that be rude? He wasn't sure. He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. Just a moment later, the decision was made for him. The professor stormed into the room and immediately began the lecture.
When class was over, Edward looked down at his laptop. He hadn't typed any notes. In truth, his mind had been on Bella the entire time. She hadn't said a single word in three hours. He was surprised how much that vexed him. He packed up his bag and skipped his usual study time at the coffee lounge, opting to go home, change, and go for a very long jog.
A week later, Edward experienced déjà vu. Bella walked into the lecture hall, locked eyes with Edward, who was already seated in the back row, and sat down front instead. This time his ambivalence was accompanied by equal parts rejection and guilt. Bella had not called or texted him at all. Then again, he had not called her, either. He had gone to the bookstore on Monday, but neither Bella nor Alice had been working. He wondered now, chuckling humorlessly to himself, what he would have even said to her: Hi, I can't stop thinking about you, and what the hell are you hiding from me? This girl had his head so jumbled up he didn't know what to think anymore.
Annoyed with himself, he opened up a word document and titled it Advanced Lit notes: May 28. Today he was going to focus, damn it. He pulled up his personal notes on the story they were reading and reviewed them while he waited for the professor to enter. He would not spend another three hours staring at the back of Bella Swan's head. The professor entered and began speaking, and Edward typed away as fast as he could, giving all of his focus to the lesson.
And when class was over, Edward looked down at his laptop, and his notes made him cringe. Every few sections, he had unknowingly typed notes completely unrelated to the lesson.
Too warm in here for a hoodie. Why does she wear that thing?
Tuck hair behind ear count: 4
Pasta salad for dinner?
Bella slid the novel and her notebook into her backpack and risked a glance at Edward before slipping out of the room. He was staring incredulously at the screen of his laptop. She hesitated, then scolded herself. Leave him alone, Bella. It's better this way.
She had just enough time to make something quick for dinner before Jake got home, she thought, walking to her car. She grimaced as it occurred to her that maybe he would go to Leah's instead. She shot off a quick text before starting her truck and driving home.
Sure enough, Jake was taking Leah out and would be home late. Bella made herself a sandwich for dinner and curled up in the green chair with a textbook for a long night of reading.
She often took half of a pill before bed when she had a late start the next day, but this night, and many nights lately, Bella dozed off in the chair. Her homework was still in her lap. Just as the sky began it's daily transition from black to blue, Bella's dreams took a sharp and ugly turn.
She was in the loft, in her green chair. Alice, Jake, and Edward were sitting on the futon, watching her, expressionless. Movement to her right caught her eye, and she glanced over to see James standing before her. He was shirtless, but wearing his old beat-up leather jacket. She thought idly that he needed to shave.
With a disturbing grin, he held up a surgical needle and proceeded to sew Bella's lips shut. She panicked, realizing the chair had become a metal slab she was strapped to. She looked to her left, her terrified eyes pleading desperately to her friends to help her. But they just sat there, staring at her. Their lips faded from their faces until they had nothing but eyes and a nose. Each of them wore the same pained expression, condemning her: Look what you've done to us.
She woke with a start and the book slid off her lap, slamming shut as it hit the floor. Bella looked around her surroundings warily. Then she curled back up in the chair and let the tears flow, grateful to at least be home alone where no one else could see them.
x – x – x – x – x
Mid-June snuck up on Bella, and she crammed day and night for finals. When she was at work, they were busy pulling old textbooks, updating and replenishing stock, and preparing for the new term. The coffee lounge was crammed with students, caffeine surging through their veins, formulas and theories swimming in their heads. Every so often, Bella chanced a peek their way, hoping to find Edward sitting among them, yet relieved that he was not.
She missed him. And she hated that she missed him, because, as she kept reminding herself, she hardly knew him.
What did she know, really? He lived with his brother, who was a jock. He drove a Volvo. He wanted to be a doctor. He didn't own a brush. So, he knew a lot about art and literature. And maybe his mother brought him up with enough manners to hold a door open. And when they were together, he acted like she was the only person in the room. And when he looked like he was going to say something, but then didn't, his cheeks caved in a bit like he was biting them. And when he smiled really big, he got little tiny wrinkles at the outer corners of his eyes that made an 'x'. Jesus, Bella. She rolled her eyes at herself and slammed a stack of International Business textbooks onto a shelf.
She walked into Advanced English Lit for the last time, just moments before class began. It was a habit she'd taken up in order to prevent having time to look at or talk to Edward. She knew he was there; she would swear she could feel him staring at her. But she was here to get an education, not a boyfriend. And she was no prize to be had. It was better this way. The professor entered with a stack of copies of the final exam and passed them out. When Bella was finished, she set the test on the podium and walked out, never looking back.
Saturday was the last day for final exams, so the UCLA population was either in a classroom testing or home recuperating. The bookstore was dead. Bella clocked in for a four-hour shift she and Alice both knew was a waste of time. She needed the money too much to argue, though, and she enjoyed Alice's company.
"I am so glad this term is over!" Alice exclaimed to a tan, muscular girl from behind the counter.
"No kidding. I'm headed to the beach right now for some fun in the sun, and then a night of mind-numbing drinking," the girl laughed.
"Oh, God, I haven't been to the beach in forever," Alice lamented. "I wonder if Jazzy has to work tomorrow."
"You know, if you're free the first Saturday in July, my surf team could use some help. We're hosting a Beach Clean-up at Redondo Beach, from 8am-2pm," she said. She pulled a small stack of 5" x 8" flyers from the canvas bag draped over her shoulder. It had a blue ocean wave silk-screened on it, with the words UCLA Surf Club in black lettering below.
Bella overheard the conversation as she walked out to the sales floor. "Redondo Beach, is that far from here?"
"Half an hour to an hour, depending on traffic," the girl shrugged, then smiled. "I'm Tia, by the way."
"Bella." She smiled at the girl and glanced at Alice. "I want to go, Alice. Come with me?"
Alice frowned. "Bella, I love the beach and all the little sea creatures as much as the next girl, but I am not waking up at 8am on a Saturday for anything. Sorry, Tia."
Tia chuckled. "Just because I'll be there at 8am, doesn't mean you have to. Come whenever you want, and leave whenever you like. You're helping us – you do only what you want to do."
Bella turned back to Alice, hands in her pockets, lip between her teeth. She raised her eyebrows in question.
"Oh, alright. But 10:30 is like the earliest you are going to see me. A girl needs her beauty rest."
"Sweet! Thanks guys, you'll be doing a great thing. I'll see you in a couple weeks." Tia left the flyers on the counter and waved on her way out the door.
"Wait – who's scheduled to work that Saturday?" Alice asked suddenly. With a grimace, Bella pulled the schedule out from under the counter.
"You have down Angela and that part-time guy I've still never met."
"Oh, cool."
Bella's wheels began to turn as she came up with an idea. "Do you think Jasper will come, too?"
"Probably… if I make it worth his while." Alice winked.
Bella scrunched up her face and shook her head. "I don't want to know. But I was thinking maybe you could ask Jasper, I could ask Jake, you know, get a few extra hands. It would be more fun that way, and we could be a bigger help."
Alice seemed to zone out for a moment, staring into the space in front of her. Bella furrowed her eyebrows. "Earth to Alice."
"Oh, sorry. My mind wandered. I think I'll see if the whole band will help out, and I'll ask Charlotte to call her friends, too." Alice had a twinkle in her eye that made Bella a little suspicious, but the more people that came to help, the better.
Bella got off at 2pm and came home to find Jake sprawled out on the futon, watching a Mariner's game. "Hey Bells," he said absently. "Game's almost over." Growing up with Charlie and Billy, Bella had learned that was man-speak for 'leave me alone until the game is over.' She smiled to herself and straightened up a bit around the loft. When the game was over, she pounced.
"I have a good idea, and I want you to help," Bella said excitedly.
Jake hadn't seen Bella that animated in months, maybe a year. He had to admit, he was amused by it. "I'm listening," he said, sitting upright.
Bella told him about the clean-up event and encouraged him to invite Leah, too. She told him Alice's idea to invite her roommates, as well. Jake nodded thoughtfully.
"Okay, count me in. I'll text Leah later, but I'm pretty sure she'll like the idea."
x – x – x – x – x
Edward walked into the bookstore around 2:30pm. He looked around but didn't see any of the girls. He went into the coffee lounge and ordered a drink. When it was ready, he took it to his favorite table, opened his laptop, and surfed the internet on the lounge's free wi-fi. He had nothing of importance to do, but Rosalie was at the house, grating on his nerves. It was either run or come here, and it was 90-something degrees outside. And then, of course, here he had a chance of seeing Bella.
Alice spotted Edward a short time later and skipped up to him. "Hi, Edward."
"Alice."
"A bunch of us are getting together on the 3rd to help the surf team with a beach clean-up at Redondo. We're going to stay after, though, and have ourselves a 4th of July beach party. Pretty much the same group as the party at my house." Alice paused for effect, watching Edward's wheels turn. She knew the moment he realized Bella would be there – his eyes lit up. She didn't know what the deal was with these two, but she just knew, deep down, they were supposed to be together. If they needed help recognizing it, she was happy to provide.
"Maybe you even want to call up some of your friends, see if they want to help out, too," she added casually.
"July 3rd, you said?" Internally, Edward jumped at the idea of having another chance to talk to Bella again, though he still needed to figure out what to say to her. Alice nodded once, a knowing grin plastered across her face.
Edward cleared his throat. "Sure. I'll call some people. I'll come help out."
Alice spun around and floated back to the bookstore, her blue printed skirt twirling around her knees. "It would be nice if you'd bring some drinks, too," she called over her shoulder.
Alice closed down the bookstore at 4pm and came home to find a jam session going on in the living room. "Perfect," she grinned. "Guys, I have an excellent idea!"
x – x – x – x – x
"Bella! Hi!" Tia waved as Bella approached the surf team's tent. She soon learned she was the first of her friends to sign in.
"Do you want to wait for them, or…" Tia trailed off.
Bella looked at the time on her cell phone – 10:30am. She shook her head. "No, it's okay. They'll find me."
Tia gave her a warm smile in return, along with a pair of latex gloves and a bright blue garbage bag. "Okay. When you're done, just bring the trash back up here. And thanks for coming today."
She was just about to head down to the sand when she saw Jake's towering figure standing near an ugly little red Volkswagen Rabbit, wearing a white v-neck t-shirt and a pair of old black cut-off jeans. Leah got out of the passenger side, looking, well, sexy, Bella thought with a grin. Really, she was just wearing a white wife-beater with what looked like a red bikini top underneath, some black shorts, and flip-flops. But she wore it like a designer suit. This girl was not lacking in the self-esteem department, not at all. No wonder she had Jake all worked up all the time.
Bella walked up to them with a huge smile on her face. "I can't believe you got it running!" she exclaimed. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Finished it yesterday and drove it to Leah's. I'll take you for a ride in it this weekend," he promised, clearly proud of himself. "Meanwhile, introductions? Bella, this is the sweet and sassy Leah." Leah winked at him and chuckled. "Leah, this is my best friend and little sister, Bella." He draped an arm around Bella's shoulder and gave a squeeze. Bella leaned into it briefly, then stepped away to extend her hand to Leah.
"Really nice to meet you," Leah said warmly.
"You too," Bella responded. "I have heard so much about you."
"Yeah, same here." Leah grinned.
Jake stepped between the two and placed an arm around each of them, laughing. "Enough chit-chat. I've got two beautiful women on my arms; I'm ready to go save the rain forest, or feed starving children, or whatever it is you talked me into. Let's get a move on!"
Alice showed up a few minutes later in Jasper's blue pick-up. She'd given him three long blankets, five ice chests, a grill, a bag of charcoal, a huge beach bag and three reusable grocery bags full of food to pack before they left. Jasper locked the truck but left everything in the bed for now. Seeing Bella's truck in the lot, they signed in at the tent, took their trash bags, and went looking for the others.
Bella saw Alice and Jasper on the sand and waved to them. Jake and Leah were near the parking lot, goofing around more than they were working, and Bella was nearby, taking pictures. She'd never seen Alice dressed so casually. She was sporting a plain baby blue tank top and black shorts. Jasper was wearing a white and blue raglan tee.
It was a beautiful day out – sunny and very warm. Bella was in a UCLA t-shirt and cut-off shorts, and wished she had worn something lighter. She imagined herself wearing a tank top like Alice and frowned. She didn't think she was ready to be quite that close to naked in public. She didn't think she'd ever be ready for that.
Edward got to Redondo Beach about 12:30pm. He got out of the car first, slamming Emmett's door in irritation. Emmett climbed out of the driver's seat, chuckling and shaking his head. Rosalie got out last, wearing a gold and white Gucci bikini under a thin cotton cover-up. Emmett and Edward were in tank tops and board shorts, and she was, what, going to a Vegas pool party? This was what they had to wait for. Edward ran his hand through his hair a few times, wishing he'd never asked Emmett to come.
It didn't take long for Jake and Leah to lose their shirts. Soon both were picking up trash and chasing each other playfully with their shirts sticking out of their back pockets. As Bella looked around the beach, she saw more and more college students showing up and helping out. She noticed Alice had recruited quite a large group, as well – Jasper's band, their girlfriends, and a few other people she recognized from the party in May. There were probably a hundred people with blue trash bags sprinkled around the beach and parking lot. It had looked pretty bad when she arrived; already the improvement was impressive.
She decided to take a few more photos before heading farther up toward the pier to look for more trash. That's when she saw Edward. He was laughing, running from a big guy with an armful of seaweed. They, too, had blue trash bags. But how would he have known… ALICE. Frozen in place, she watched Edward through the camera's lens. His bag was already half full, unlike his friend, who's bag looked completely empty. Has he seen me yet? she wondered. Did Alice tell him I'd be here? Am I supposed to go and say hi, now that I've seen him? Or am I supposed to ignore him like he's ignoring me? Bella sighed at her ridiculousness. You decided not to see him again, remember? she chided herself. You don't say hi. You don't go make small talk. You pick up garbage, you say good-bye to Alice, and you go home.
Suddenly Jake's deep voice was inches from her ear. "Whatcha looking at?"
Bella jumped in surprise and nearly dropped the camera. "Damnit Jake!" she shrieked.
"Did you see McDreamy?"
Bella blushed in answer. Jake quirked an eyebrow at her, then glanced over in the general direction Bella had been looking. "Ah." He paused thoughtfully, and leaned in close. "So what are you doing way over here?" he asked, amusement in his voice.
Bella sighed. "This is so not the time for this conversation."
All amusement left Jake's face in a hurry. His tone was low and laced with menace. "Something I should know, Bella?"
Bella placed her hand on Jake's arm and gave him a sad smile. "No."
He didn't like her answer, but she was probably right – now was not the time. He tapped her trash bag with his foot. "Best get back to work then, sis." He gave her a quick peck on the top of her head and jogged over to Leah. Bella watched Jake run up behind her and wrap his arms around her waist, leaning in to kiss her neck. Leah laughed and said something that made Jake chuckle.
Bella loved seeing Jake happy and carefree like this. She hadn't seen this side of him in over a year. She knew she was the reason for that, and the weight of that knowledge, the guilt she felt, made her chest ache. She would need to thank Leah for bringing the old Jake back.
Against her better judgment, Bella chanced another glance at Edward. The big guy was talking to a blonde bombshell in a tiny white dress, and Edward was picking up trash with a thin strawberry blonde in a very small pink tank top. She was nearly as tall as Edward and quite beautiful, at least from what Bella could see - and clearly very fond of Edward. With a sigh, Bella got back to work.
Alice and Jasper were the first to call it quits. Jasper rounded up his band mates and together they unloaded his truck, Peter's SUV, and Alistair's black and red '53 Chevy. Combined, they had enough food for around 50 people and drinks for 100.
Alice bounced up to Bella as she made her way back down the beach toward the parking lot. "Hey! Listen, we're going to hang around, play some music, tan, drink… will you stay and hang out for a while?" Bella looked around Alice to see Jasper and several other people spreading out blankets, lining up a dozen coolers, and setting up a small grill in the sand.
She raised an eyebrow. "Hang out?" Bella asked dubiously. "That looks like a catered event."
Alice grabbed Bella's hands and gave her best puppy dog eyes. "Please Bella? We never get to hang out! We're always working, or doing homework… it's like I never get to see you. Just stay for a little bit?"
"Alice, how long have you been planning this?"
Alice grinned from ear to ear, a wicked twinkle in her eye. "Since like 30 seconds after you asked me to come do this with you."
Bella caved in like Alice knew she would.
Alice clapped. "Yay! I've already talked to Jake and Leah, they're staying too." Bella smiled and shook her head. How could she say no to her? She walked her bag up to the tent and signed out. She saw Edward's friend, the big guy, pulling a beach bag and a football out of a black BMW sedan. She couldn't help wondering if that meant Edward was hanging around for a while, too.
"Come, you need a drink!" Alice waved to her, and she went where she was beckoned. She handed Bella a clear drink in a beer bottle. "It's hard lemonade. It's yummy, and I have a cooler full of it."
"Do you have any bottled water, or any Pepsi?"
"Silly Bella," Alice grinned. She interlocked her arm with Bella's and pulled her to the circle of blankets, where most of the group was gathered.
x – x – x – x – x
By 5pm, the party was in full swing. A boom box was blaring, Jasper was grilling, people were drinking and dancing, and a handful of the guys had broken off and begun a football game in the sand.
Bella sipped her drink, which she thought mostly just tasted like lemonade that had gone bad, and found a spot not too far off to the side of the main group to sit and observe. She tried to follow the football game, which was led mostly by Jake and Edward's big linebacker friend. She couldn't help but scan the crowd every so often, to see if Edward had stayed after the clean-up. She hadn't seen him once. She intentionally ignored the disappointment that laced the mental fuzziness her drink provided her.
The sunset here was just as beautiful as the one she had seen with Edward, and Bella got up and got closer to the water. She wanted to see it set behind the jetty, and clicked away on her camera as the sun slowly descended into the horizon.
She returned to the group and saw Alice and Jasper laughing and embracing. For two such strong and independent people, it was a surprisingly tender expression. Bella couldn't resist snapping a picture.
Of course, with her camera in her face, she couldn't see anything around her, and walked right into a shirtless Edward. He was drinking a beer and standing next to the big guy. Edward's eyes widened and he choked on his beer.
The big guy stared at both of them for a moment before grinning widely. "You must be the beautiful swan I've heard so much about," he said, throwing an arm around Edward's shoulder. Bella's eyes widened in confusion. She glanced at Edward; he was shooting his friend a dirty look. The blonde bombshell appeared with a fresh beer and handed it to the guy. "I'm Emmett. This is my girlfriend, Rosalie." He kissed her on the cheek.
"Hi," Bella replied lamely. Well, you can't pretend you didn't see him now, can you. Now what? Bella tried to come up with something intelligent to say.
"I thought you hadn't come," Edward said, a little too softly for the volume level of the party going on around them. Bella glanced back at Alice suddenly, and found her smirking at them both. Bella frowned slightly. Rosalie spoke quietly to Emmett and they walked away.
"I need to get a shirt," Edward blurted out. Bella looked back at Edward, and he gestured toward the parking lot. "You feel like walking with me?
Inexplicably, Bella nodded. Edward gestured for her to go first, and he walked a half-step behind her to the parking lot. "That was my brother," Edward said awkwardly. Bella nodded again. She racked her brain for something, anything, to say. The uncomfortable silence dragged on. Finally she thought of something.
"I didn't see you swimming out there."
"I went for a jog, actually. Down to the end of the beach and back. I just dove into the water to get the sweat off me."
"Oh."
The uncomfortable silence returned. Edward popped the same trunk she'd seen Emmett get the football from. He pulled out a clean t-shirt and gracefully slid it on. He closed the trunk a little harder than necessary, frustrated with his involuntary speechlessness, and had begun walking back to the group before Edward finally summoned the courage to speak up.
"I'm glad you came today." Bella's gaze shifted from the sand in front of her to Edward's face. "I thought maybe you didn't want to see me anymore," he added, searching Bella's face for a reaction.
Bella frowned. "Oh," Edward said softly. That was the answer he expected, all things considered, but it still stung. He shifted his eyes to their group of friends, laughing and dancing the night away.
Oh, that sweet sadness. Bella couldn't let this go on. She stopped in her tracks. Edward took another couple of steps before he realized she'd stopped, and he turned to face her. They were on the beach now, but still out of earshot of anyone in their party. Several large 10,000 watt floodlights, like the ones Charlie used to use in the garage, lit up the sand and sky around them. Bella glanced over at the group wistfully, actually preferring to be in the middle of that than having this conversation right now.
"Edward, I'm…"
Bella's words caught in her throat. Part of her wanted him to know that she truly did like him. A lot. More than was appropriate, considering her circumstances. Part of her wanted to lock that information away, deep inside where no one would ever know, and no one could ever use it against her. Part of her was horrified that she was even having this argument with herself and contemplating telling a man she hardly knew how utterly defective she was – just so he wouldn't feel as defective.
Torn, she glanced at the group again, looking for Jake. Maybe if he'd just see her, he'd read her mind, appear at her side, and pull her in for a hug. She found him with a beer in his hand and Leah's body pressed against him. They were either dancing or dry-humping; it was hard to tell which. Either way, she was on her own, she realized with a sigh.
She shifted her focus back to Edward. His face was relaxed and neutral but his eyes told a different story. She had hurt him. She had thought as much, but to see it, to know, caused her chest to ache with guilt – an emotion she knew all too well these days.
"Edward, you are one of the nicest guys I have ever met."
Edward flinched at Bella's use of the word 'nice'. Nothing good has ever come of the words 'nice' and 'guy' being uttered by a woman in the same sentence.
"I'm still not sure if guys like you really exist," she said, more to herself than to Edward. She shook her head to herself. "The point is, you shouldn't be wasting your time with me. I am completely defective, and you're…" gorgeous, smart, kind, chivalrous… "not."
Anger flashed in Edward's eyes. "Well at least you didn't hurt yourself trying to think up something original, " he said coldly. He turned and began walking back to the group.
Bella stood there for a moment, stunned. When her senses kicked back in, she yelled after him. "Edward!"
He stopped. He didn't want to stop, but he stopped. He tried to make his feet move. He didn't want to turn around and look at her. He wanted to reach into the first cooler he saw and keep reaching into it until he was drunk. Blind, stumbling, drunk. But something about the way she said his name compelled him. Slowly, he turned around.
She was holding out her hand. Her palm was up, and there was a small box resting in it. Curious, Edward walked back to where he had been standing and looked closer. It was a pillbox, and it contained a dozen little oval-shaped pills.
"I'm not lying," she said defensively. She meant to sound indignant, but her words came out shaky and resigned.
"What are they?"
Bella didn't answer right away. Edward looked her right in the eye, his expression demanding an answer.
"Xanax."
Xanax… Why was she telling him this? His mind flashed to their date at the Getty, and then at the beach. "You have panic attacks," he said, mostly to himself.
He said nothing else, leaving Bella standing there, vulnerable and awkward. She snapped the pillbox closed and shoved it into her jeans pocket. Then she wrapped her arms over her chest protectively and looked at the ground behind Edward, unable to meet his eyes.
He wondered why Bella hadn't just told him. He wondered why she had panic attacks in the first place. He wondered why in the hell she would ever think that it would make him stop wanting to see her.
"So…" he started to say. He ran his hand nervously through his wet hair. "You're saying if this wasn't an issue, you'd go out with me again?" He tried to keep his tone disinterested, casual. He wanted an honest answer.
Bella started to shrug and stopped, instead nodding once. She still wasn't looking at him.
"Then go out with me again. Thursday, to see Jasper and his band play at the pub."
Bella's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
Edward took a step closer to her. Slowly, gently, he pulled her hands from her body, and held them in his own. He spoke softly, a small smile pulling up the edges of his mouth. "If I had asthma, would you stop seeing me?"
Bella's expression changed but before she could argue with him, Edward took another half-step closer. Their faces were less than a foot apart. She wanted to tell him that was so not the same thing, and he had no idea what he was saying. She wanted to take a giant step back, because him being so close was making it hard for her to focus.
He smelled like sunscreen and ocean, she thought.
"Please," he said to her, his voice low and soft.
Bella bit her lower lip. She had good reasons for letting Edward go and not seeing him again. She'd thought about this at great length, weighed all the options and made the logical choice. Right now though, with her hands in his and his emerald eyes focused on her, she couldn't remember any of them.
"Okay," she whispered. Edward barely heard her, but she glanced up at him bashfully, and he grinned from ear to ear, squeezing her hands.
He thought of something then. His grin faded and his eyes became tender but focused. "I want to try something," he said softly. He let go of Bella's hands. Bella felt his hands move to either side of her face, his thumbs tenderly stroking her cheeks. "Stand very still," he murmured, the edges of his lips curved up slightly.
Bella's eyes held many questions, but for reasons she didn't understand, she found herself doing as he said. He leaned in ever so slowly, paying close attention to her body language and breathing, and licked his lips as he glanced down at hers. Bella's breathing hitched but still, she did not move. She watched until his lips finally touched hers, and then her eyes fluttered closed.
Her lips tingled at the feathery friction of his soft kiss. She had only ever kissed one other person, and was confused by the extreme difference between this kiss and every kiss James had ever given her. It was not sexual. It was not aggressive, nor was it possessive. It was not angry, as his had often been. It was warm and sweet; it was full of promises. Needing some place to rest, her hands migrated awkwardly to his waist. She returned his kiss earnestly, communicating, she hoped, apologies and desire.
Edward slid his hands down her face adoringly. One hand moved to caress the delicate skin at the nape of her neck. The other hand found the small of her back and rested there, pulling Bella even closer to him.
He was no novice to kissing, but this kiss… this kiss felt like the first time. It was tentative; he felt unsure. At the same time, it was more real, more intimate, than any kiss he'd ever had before. Eventually, Edward broke the kiss with one last soft peck.
"Thank you," he whispered against her lips. He smiled at her so adoringly her heart swelled. She blinked back tears and took a deep breath.
Bella had no words. She was overwhelmed. She simply placed a hand over her heart symbolically, hoping he could somehow read her mind. With a crooked grin, Edward took Bella's hand and walked with her back to the group.
Disclaimer: there's no alcohol actually allowed on Redondo Beach. Bad, bad girl, Alice.
I worked hard on this chapter. It was supposed to go in an entirely different direction, but damned if Bella would cooperate. She had to get all martyr-y, and Edward had to get all Edward-y, and of course Alice had to be all Alice-y… everybody wanted some attention. It got very long and frankly, I am beat. (Longest chapter yet.) They ended up in the right place, I think. But who cares what I think? What do you think?