She knows that she has to make a grand gesture to gather Piper's attention, and hopefully, her forgiveness. Alex knows that to deserve a second chance with Piper, she needs to do the impossible, but this isn't going to stop her. Impossible and unachievable things don't exist in Alex's mind. The only thing that scares her are feelings. That's all she's always been afraid of. She knows that avoiding to let herself have feeling for something is absolutely silly. "It's like not going out because you're too afraid it might rain", her mother always told her. Or, not listening to new songs from your favorite artist because you're scared they might fail your expectations.
The only person she's ever allowed herself to love without questions is her mother. She truly loves her, and she would do everything to make that woman happy. So when she visits her for New Years Eve, she puts all her fears in words and speaks to her mother, asking for comfort and advice. Yes, Alex needs her mother's advice. No matter how grown up she is, she knows that woman will always have a wise word or truth that will enlighten her mind. She tells her about this new girl she's met, Piper. Alex allows her mother to ask questions, and fearlessly, she tells her the whole truth. How she hides her fear of being in love, how she thinks this girl could change her whole world. How that thought scares her to death. Diane, who's been listening to her daughter's monologue for more than ten minutes without saying a word, finally speaks.
"Alex Vause," Diane says, shaking her head, and earning the attention of her stubborn daughter.
"I didn't raise you to be a fearful ass," she says as she takes her hand, "I want you to fight for that girl, and tell her you love her, and that you've been a silly woman." Her mother is looking at her with a knowing smile, as if to empower her and to make her daughter feel comfortable.
"It's not that easy, ma," Alex says, shyly fixing her glasses upon her nose.
"Oh, don't give me that shit," she responds and looks at her, annoyed, "Where's the girl who won that scholarship against all the odds? The girl who came out without fear? Where's my brave Alex?"
"It's still here. I just can't." She stops when her mother snorts and then says, "Okay, maybe I can."
"Maybe? Alexandra, stops acting like a scared puppy and go get what you want."
"But I..." She stops for a second, sighing and thinking about how scared she is.
"Do you want that woman? Do you wish she were with you every day?" Her mother asks her firmly, not letting her hands go.
"Yes." Alex is sure. In a second, her fears are gone. Her mother is the only person able to make her feel like she could kick Hulk's ass, or climb the Himalaya.
"Than ya know exactly what ya need to do. Right?" Diane smiles, as she can see that known light in her daugther's eyes. That light she's always had when she wanted something so badly and she was willing to do anything for it.
"Yes." Alex smiles, almost excited.
"When do I have to turn on the radio?"
"On Monday night," Alex says then sighs, as if to gain some more strength, "I can't believe I'm really doing this."
"It's gonna be perfect, Al, don't worry... just make your mama proud, okay?" Diane looks at her subtly, nodding and tightening the grip on her daugther's hand.
"Okay." She smiles at her, and somehow, she feels better, and she feels like she can actually do it.
Say what you need to say
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Than never say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
[Say - John Mayer]
"It's a cold kind of New York City evening, the sky is dark and confused, uncertain about what to do. You're listening to Radio Serendipity and the song we've just heard is "Say" by John Mayer. It's Alex speaking, and, as every evening, I will try to guide you in the baffling and unexpected trip we call life. I've decided to use this song as an opening tonight because, lately, I've been wondering why some of us fear love.
Yeah, love, that feeling of knowing there's one person who'd do anything for you, who'd be ready to dry your tears with her lips. That feeling that comes all of sudden, because, guys, let's be serious, that's when you know it's real. When a glimpse, a quick glance makes your whole being stop, and has you asking who the heck is that person, where does she comes from, why does she makes you feel like your stomach tangles in itself. That feeling usually painted as glorious by movies and songs, sometimes can be scary. Some people are scared of it. I am."
Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light
I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again
And It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm taking
I'm never gonna shut you out!
[Halo - Beyoncé]
"The scariest thing about feeling yourself falling for someone is the way your mood depends on them, on their actions, on their smiles. I know it's a lot, but I'm telling you what I've been learning. Love is a scary thing, indeed, but as my mom told me, being scared of loving someone is like being scared of going out because it might rain. I know that's a stupid quote, but it helps to understand that while it could rain, because that's something that happens, going out means meeting more that just rain. It gives you the opportunity to make so many experiences.
If you think about it, we live in risk every day. We wake up, we rush to work or to class, we don't think that anything important could happen to us. We run in the middle of the streets, we drive cars, we talk to strangers, we eat nasty food. If you really think about it, we go through so many risks every day, but still, sometimes we fear love. A simple but still complicated feeling. I've done bungee jumping. I've jumped off of a plane. Still, I haven't found the courage to love someone.
Loving someone, for people like us, it's the greatest act of courage. It's the act of trusting someone so deeply that you're willing to put your heart in their hands, hoping they won't throw it away. Damn," she pauses, her voice getting lower than usual, before she starts again, "that sounds scary, I know, but I'm telling you, you just gotta find the right hands, those eyes that tells you everything you need to hear to feel safe."
Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you.
[Can't Help Falling in Love – Elvis Presley]
"My old friend Elvis – now I get why he's my best friend – couldn't have said it better. Love, sometimes, is inevitable. It goes beyond your fears. That fear can turn in aching pain if you don't do something, if you keep on repressing your feelings. It's like a patch you don't want to take off, because you're scared it may not heal correctly.
Tear it off, blow on it, raise your head and just follow your goddamn heart."
These arms of mine
They are burning,
Burning from wanting you.
These arms of mine
They are wanting,
Wanting to hold you
And if you
Would let them hold you
Ohh, how grateful I will be.
[These Arms of Mine - Otis Redding]
"So, guys, while we're getting close to the end of my rambling and to the beginning of your messages, I just want to use a few minutes to tell someone that I've been a silly, silly woman.
I thought I could fight my feelings. I thought I could forget your eyes by just not looking at them, but I can't," she pauses, clears her throat, "and I don't want to. Your eyes gently haunt me when I'm sleeping.
I hope you're listening, and I hope you'll give me the chance that, now, I know what I want. I want it, I want more with you. I want you. I want your inevitable love.
Okay, people, see you after the ad breaks."
She ends it with a grin, noticing people staring at her with a surprised smile, but keeping her eyes stuck on Piper, as she is behind the glass that's dividing them. She can see her, but she doesn't know if she is smiling. The fact that she's there, a thing she's been avoiding to do lately, gives her hope.
During the break, Piper steps in the room where Alex is, while no one there knows Piper is that lucky person. So, everything around them just keeps going like every day, but today isn't a normal day. Today is the day Alex Vause exposed herself and professed her love for someone.
"This wasn't on the schedule you gave me this morning," Piper says shyly, a hint of a smile showing on her face.
"I know," Alex says, biting her inner cheek as if to suppress a smile.
Is Piper mad because Alex has changed the entire schedule without saying anything to her? Would it be better if Alex said to her that she is the person who's inspired her to do this?
With her green and uncertain eyes, she tries to understand Piper's face, as the blonde is showing nothing in particular, or maybe, Alex is too afraid to read what the other woman is thinking.
"I've enjoyed it, anyway," Piper says, beaming, her eyes getting incredibly bright.
"You did?" Alex asks, suddenly feeling relieved. She feels her entire body being crowd by joy, and she has to fight hard to not stand up and kiss the woman in front of her.
"Yes." Piper tilts her head as if to hide herself from everyone around them.
"You think I've made a good impression with that person?" Alex asks, her voice full of hope and joy.
"I think that person loved it." The blonde states it simply, her eyes blinking rapidly.
"So, you think she'll give me one more chance?" Alex asks, needing to hear 'yes', needing to see that joyful smile Piper used to give her. She truly hopes her grand gesture did work, because she doesn't really know what else to do.
"I think so," Piper says, smiling joyfully.
"Let's hope that person feels the same way, then," Alex says, winking at her, but fighting that persisting desire of throwing away that fucking table that's diving them and owning those perfect pink lips with all the energy she has.
"I'll see you later, Al," Piper says, leaning closer to Alex, trying to not be heard by anyone.
"I can't wait," is all she says, before going back to work.
Tons of messages are received that night by the radio. The server almost crashes, and Alex is relieved to know that she isn't the only person in the world who's been scared of loving someone. She smiles at some of those messages, saying things like "I knew you secretely loved me", or "I'm so jealous of that person who gets to hear 'I love you' from that voice of yours!".
Here we are, I know this is cheesy but I don't care. I wanted it to be cheesy lol
Hope you'll like it, see you in the reviews :)