Urgent: if you don't know who Eleanorar Starrar is, scroll right to the bottom. Then back up.

Hey, guys. I'm not back. Unfortunately. As before, I am at a friend's house, who is again letting me use her wifi provided I buy her Maryland cookies (food of the gods) and I'm still moving. Well, unpacking. But wifi hasn't been granted yet, so this is another quick update which I am really glad for because it's just really nice to give a quick update. Ok. Um, edited before chapters, adding song quotes to the top of each; I had no where to put a load of these lovely lyrics hovering everywhere, so now they're in this fanfic.

CHAPTER 10

And I'm a man with many dreams,

I've seen them all fall straight to the bottom;

I'm all alone inside you see,

Just take a deep breath,

And watch me fall down.

Oceans, by Mallory Knox

"Alex?" she said.

Eleanorar Starrar was looking extravagantly obnoxious, with large curls in her sparkling hair and thick makeup hiding every inch of her skin. Her dress was low cut and tight, and her bra a little too big for a fifteen year old so the straps were slipping down her arm. Her nails were a loud red and feet clad in spangled high heels, which the SAS men unconsciously flinched at; how anyone could walk in them was a feat they'd never thought possible.

"Oh my god, it's you!" she giggled. Alex closed his eyes tiredly.

Why?

Why him?

"I can't believe it's you! How many years has it been? Just one! We should so catch up sometime-"

"You know her?" Rat asked his friend quietly. Alex turned to him, trying his best to ignore the now perturbed looking Eleanorar.

"Unfortunately. She used to go to my school, back when-" he realised his mistake instantaneously. School? Why did he say that? Please don't catch on, please-

"Totally!" Eleanorar butted in. "It was, like, at Brooklands. I can't believe I'm seeing you again, Alex!"

Rat was looking between the two with a frown. "How old are you, Eleanorar?" he enquired.

"Just turned fifteen, and-"

"How comes you guys were at school together?" Rat asked. "Seeing as Eel is twenty one."

"Eel?" Eleanorar asked confusedly.

"I'm guessing you know him as Alex." Rat told her. "Apparently-" he directed a look at an ashen faced Eel. "-he changed his name to Thomas when he turned eighteen, and-"

"Eighteen? No, Alex is my age!"

"Um. Eleanorar. How about we.. go outside for a second?" Alex butted in hurriedly.

Seriously? It had to happen, now?

God, he pleaded, raising his eyes to the sky. If you're up there, please have mercy. I didn't mean to sing the I Knew an Old Lady song. It was Rat's idea. If this is punishment, please, please have mercy. 'Coz you're the guy big on forgiveness, right?

Or was he confusing God with Gandhi?

Gandhi, then, please. If you're up there, please-

Up?

"Sure!" Eleanorar tittered, breaking him out of his momentary confusion. She stood up, and lurched towards him, lips puckered as if expecting a kiss- really?

Rat gently pushed her back down. "Sorry, ma'am, but for safety reasons I must require you to remain seated." he informed her curtly. He turned to Wolf. "Wolf, can I take Eel out for a few minutes?"

Wolf nodded his agreement, in the middle of conversing with Lion and knowing that when Rat was serious- because Rat? Serious?- it was best to let him do what he wanted, and Rat steered Alex out the restaurant.

Karma was such a bitch.

Rat took Eel by the wrist and dragged him out, weaving round the tables and extravagantly dressed diners staring at them unashamedly- their SAS uniform contrasted sharply with the low lighted, comfortable, expensive atmosphere- before opening the doors and stepping out into the sunlight. Eel didn't dare speak, and Rat's vision was slightly red, reminding him of those anger management classes he'd gone to so long ago, at school.

And this boy, this child was still meant to be at school-

Rat spotted a bench sitting by the road, in a patch of straggled brown grass, with a single daisy wilting out beside it with an air of a certain reluctance about the flower, if that was possible. He walked over to it, Eel following dismally behind him. They sat down.

The bench was mottled brown wood, with chewing gum dried on the handles and dog turds resting peaceably beneath it, an inscription carved into the back; Jamilia Chowdhury, 1998-2007. Loved by all. Eel stared at it and turned to Rat. "I knew someone called Jamilia." he said cheerfully. "But she's still alive. And she wasn't loved by anyone. She was a bitch."

Rat stared at him for a moment.

"How old are you?"

Eel shrugged, managing to slide a slightly amused expression onto his face. "Twenty three?"

"Don't mess with me." Rat said coldly. "I'm not in the mood. Tell me right now, straight, how old you are. And don't you dare lie."

"Rat-" he started.

"Tell me!"

"What will you do?" he asked him suddenly, quickly. No trace of humour was in Eel's face. "If I'm what you think I am, what are you going to do?"

Rat didn't move. "Eel. Tell me."

"I- I can't. You don't understand. I can't." His voice was desperate, a plea clear in his tone.

Why him?

Why?

"I don't care. I don't care if you can't, or won't, or shouldn't. You tell me right now, or I'll go back to Eleanorar and in front of everyone ask her to confirm what I thought I heard her say- that you and her are the same age. Are you twenty three, or not?!"

"Not." he said quietly.

"Are you fifteen? Like Eleanorar?"

"I..." he coughed. Seemed to shrivel up in himself. Bit his lip. Tangled his fingers. Closed his eyes, breathed softly.

Was this it?

Everything he had, gone?

"I- yes."

Rat stood up and walked back to the restaurant.

Alex leant back against the bench, sighing heavily at the sudden stinging of his eyes. He traced the grooves on the wood of the bench rhythmically, taking no particular comfort out of the movement but doing it to keep busy, to keep doing something because otherwise he'd have to acknowledge what he'd always feared, always dreaded. That his façade was finally spiralling apart, finally crumbling- everything dies, sometime- it was too soon- never too young to die. Never too young to be alone.

And he was alone, now. He was alone. They- they were going to abandon him. Leave him.

Please, don't leave... I just, I want to... I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Words won't fix anything, Alex. Don't you know that? You did wrong. You're going to be punished now, okay?

Okay?

I just...

Can I.. can I go to sleep now?

Please?

He stood up, moving mechanically. He crossed the road, barely glancing at either side- if a car hit him, maybe, maybe he would- maybe it would all be over, and he'd- can I go to sleep, now?- and strode up to the restaurant, swinging the doors open and walking over to Wolf- please? Can I- "What shall I do?" he asked stiffly.

"What happened out there?" Wolf enquired curiously. "Rat won't tell us anything, he just came back in looking angry. Why'd he want to go out in the first place?"

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry- "We... just had a disagreement."

Wolf didn't ask further. "Whatever you say. You can go stand out by the back with Rat- maybe you can sort out your differences."

All alone, now. All a fake. Didn't you know? Didn't you realise? "Can I- can I not?"

"Eel. Go. I've never seen Rat like that, and neither has Lion and he knew him the longest. Go talk to him. You look rough as well- we can't have divisions within each-other like this."

I'm sorry. "I... okay."

He knew that Rat knowing his age wasn't the end of the world. But it was a stripe of his façade, a giant one, and underneath the skin was red and raw and reminding him of just what would happen if they found out about everything else. Everything else. And, and- what if Rat told someone? What if someone high up got to hear, or- and they kicked him out? Or they investigated further into his records- why was a fifteen year old allowed?- and he knew that no fake was perfect, if they looked hard enough they'd find some small discrepancy and it would... it would all come falling apart.

And all he could do was watch.

As he passed the Starrar's table to go to the back, Eleanorar grabbed his arm. "Alex!" she said. "I forgot to ask. Why are you in the SAS?"

He stared at her, and pulled his arm out of her grasp. Let... go! Get off me! Help, someone! "Doesn't matter." he walked to the back.

Rat was standing outside, eyes searching over his surroundings in an uncharacteristic display of concentration. Alex walked up to him quietly, taking full advantage of his spy past, and tapped him lightly on the shoulder. "Rat?"

Rat whirled around, hand instantly on his gun.

"Rat? I- I'm sorry."

Please- "You're sorry?"

"Yes?" Alex tried, unable to gauge his best friend's mood.

"You're sorry?" Rat repeated. "You lie, you lie to everyone and- and me, and all you can say is I'm sorry?"

"What do you want me to say?" Alex exploded back at him. "I lied because I knew this is how you'd react. And it's not even that a big deal! I'm a few months younger than the legal age- sixteen- for joining the army-"

"With parental permission! And you're not allowed into actual dangerous situations until eighteen!"

"My parents abused me." Oh god, he hated lying like this. "And eighteen is only three years away!"

"Three years you could use to learn, to be a normal teenager. Three years you could change your mind about the army in. And this is SAS, not the army!"

"But I don't want those three years! I've made my decision now!"

"You- this isn't about whether you've made your decision or not. It's about the fact that you are a child."

"I'm NOT!" he was uncomfortably aware of how childish he sounded. "You don't know what I've been through. You don't know anything about me!"

"You're right." Rat agreed sadly. "I don't. Because since something this big has been a lie, then I don't know if anything else about you that I know is true either."

And it hurt so much, because Rat was right. He was so right and he didn't even know- that Eel was a lie, a complete lie. Alex instantly felt guilty, and wanted to strike back, because it wasn't his fault- "So this is what it's about?" he said scornfully, regretting the words even as they came out of his mouth. "It's about whether I'm your friend or not? You think I actually care?" No, he wasn't doing this- please, he couldn't- don't believe me, I don't mean it, please-

And all he could do was watch. Watch as Rat crumpled for a second, then stood up and something in his eyes hardened. Watch as something went snip! And everything he'd ever valued went floating away, until he couldn't see them any more and his heart was hurting from trying to reach out for it.

"No." Rat said. "I might've cared once. I would've cared about Eel. But you- you're not Eel. I don't know you, so I don't care whether I have your friendship or not."

"Rat-" he said, gasping, gabbling, trying to make this right, don't turn away!- "Rat, wait, I'm sorry-"

He was walking away-

"I didn't mean it- please! Rat, come back!"

Why wasn't he running after him? Why wasn't he turning Rat around, telling him this, telling him he didn't mean it of course he didn't mean it he was sorry, so sorry, and his stupid feet they weren't fucking moving- why weren't they moving? What was wrong with him?

"I'm sorry." he whispered to the ground. It stared back up at him, just like the ceiling in the mental asylum; watching and not moving to do anything, watching with an unreadable blankness, a disgusting carelessness- just like him.

0

The drive back was cold and awkward. Lion had silently swapped places with Rat so Lion was sitting at the back with Eel and Eagle, and Rat was at the front. The tension hovered almost tangibly; so much all the occupants started wishing for I Knew An Old Lady, anything to get back something that they couldn't put their finger on but that had been torn irrevocably from what was once a tight bond.

They correctly attributed it (the tension) to the two who sat and refused to answer with anything but grunts; Eel and Rat, who also didn't communicate once the entire journey. Leopard hesitantly enquired as to what happened to be the matter and got his head bitten off by Rat; Monkey made the mistake of asking Eel, in no long winded manner, what had crawled up his arse and died and was taken aback by the number of filthy expletives mixed into a number of creative but barely comprehensible insults that instantly spewed from the dark haired man and stopped when he lost breath.

When they arrived at Brecon Beacons, even the taxi driver let out a barely audible sigh of relief when they were let out of the enclosed atmosphere of the car.

Rat had a dark expression on his face; when Snake was opening the boot Eel tapped Rat on the shoulder, mouth open in readied apology and eyes filled with regret. Rat turned, saw who it was, and in a moment when every single members of both units held their breath in preparation for the hopeful reunion stared at his old friend. Then he turned away, and everyone could see the hurt on Eel's face before it was swallowed with the same black expression as Rat.

Both then had a miserable, rage infused air about them. Where not the situation so upsetting, it would have been almost laughable how similar they were as they picked up their packs and threw it over their shoulders- pushed past the men, slammed the door when they finally got back to the barracks.

Wolf went to the sergeant and named the mission successful, claiming their extra pay with a smile that rapidly faltered on the discovery that the extra pay was by five pounds.

Tricky bastard.

Dinner was similarly awkward; the six men (Wolf, Eagle, Snake, Lion, Leopard, Monkey) not involved conspired to make the two speak to each-other, leaving two places next to each-other at their usual table. Rat came and sat down, then Eel came with a tray balanced on his arms, saw that the only space was next to Rat and announced he wasn't hungry to everyone listening- which was, for a change, the entire table, watching to see the consequences- and dumped his tray in the bin, before going out.

The six took the chance to interrogate Rat. "What is up with you and Eel?" Monkey asked, in his usual blatant manner. Rat scowled at his food and chose not to answer. "Seriously." Monkey persisted. "It's getting real annoying now-"

"It's not my fault!" Rat exclaimed, standing up so his chair screeched back on the floor. "He was the one who lied."

And with that cryptic statement, he also left, leaving the rest to marvel again at the two's similarities when they were angry and muse over Rat's comment.

0

It wasn't long before everything was revealed, and it came out disastrously.

Rat never made a conscious decision to inform his unit members and K Unit of Eel's... situation. It was slight jumps.

The first was when Leopard fell into the river on their weekend hike, and Rat instinctively turned to look at Eel to laugh with him, and saw that Eel was staring at his hands, and realised that he had truly lost a friend.

The second was when they were at the shooting range, and the instructor was commenting on Eel's slight build, saying it was maybe what made his instinctive shooting so good, and Rat was again reminded that Eel was a child.

The next was when Eel lied about something small. So small Rat couldn't even remember it, but all he could think about was that Eel had lied, and he didn't know him any more, and-

The last was when Rat was talking to his sister, who was also fifteen, and she was telling him about some bullies she had beaten up, and he was feeling proud about her progression with karate, but also really angry and mad at those bullies, and he really hated them- how dare they hurt her? She was only fifteen!

And he realised Eel was only fifteen.

Jeez, that realisation had hurt the most, because yeah. He was angry at Eel for lying, and he knew they weren't friends, and he knew Eel was a cold hearted bastard but he was a kid. A kid, with no one who cared about him, and a kid in the fucking army. And he, Rat, was the only one who knew, and he had to do something about it. And he wasn't, he was sulking around.

But... a year of friendship was hard to erase, so Rat didn't want to betray Eel so unfeelingly, or not just yet, anyway. So he decided not to tell the superiors.

Then he realised he was going to tell K Unit and the rest of D Unit, and so he did.

0

Jenna Renarla.

Jenna Renarla was a woman in SCORPIA. She had risen to the top through successful operations and then commands that had saved their organisation a number of times; particularly the order to put in a back up command group if, ever, the current one was demolished, which it then was by Alex Rider. It took a while to recover that back up but it was there, and after a few years SCORPIA returned to almost full strength.

She had an elusive accent and cold heart. Her looks were striking, but forgettable. She had a sharp mind and cared absolutely nothing for others. From the age of eighteen, her purpose had been clear; to rise to the top of the criminal underworld in the quickest time possible. Now at the age twenty nine, she had succeeded. Not only was she part of the commanding committee of SCORPIA, she also was in charge of a number of smaller terrorist organisations and drug dealings stretching across the world, as well as head of a number of human trafficking operations.

But no one was perfect. Jenna Renarla had a single weakness; a need to fall in love.

It wasn't even a want, a distant wish. She needed it. She needed it like she needed water, like she need oxygen. She needed to fall irrevocably in love with the most perfect man out there, her other half, her soul mate.

She had fulfilled this, partly, once. Anthony Sean Howel. Ash. A double agent, as ingenious as her, as dangerous as her, committed to the same goals. They'd shared a breathless night after meeting in a bar, and when seeing each other again at a SCORPIA meeting it was obvious that fate wanted them together.

Then Alex Rider had happened. Her love had died.

For the first time in twenty years, Jenna had cried. Broke down and cried.

Then, being the woman she was, she had entered the business again, with a new resolve, and an even stronger weakness; because now she had tasted love, she wanted it more than ever. Oh god, how she wanted it.

She'd sent in Michael to SAS, made him pretend he was Bear, ruined Alex's life a bit. Just a little.

She needed a little more revenge, of course, but she was over that silly boy now. She had... she had found love again.

Even the thought bought a smile to her face, a gleaming, dazzling smile. She touched her heart almost unconsciously as a picture of his face appeared in her mind. Dark hair, bright blue eyes, sharply cut cheekbones, tanned skin, a slim yet muscled build, actual taste in clothes- a sense of humour to counter her seriousness. An innocence to counter her knowledge. An intelligence to match her own; a light to her dark.

He was low in the rank of SCORPIA, extremely low, but she had bought him straight up; almost to level her own.

Only now did she realise this was a mistake.

Their organisation had moles; whose didn't?- and those moles had related to MI6, somehow, the astounding speed at which James (what a beautiful name) had swam through the ranks- everyone knew he would, of course, as skill such as his could not be uncounted, but the steepness of his rising had beckoned many raised eyebrows. MI6 had quickly became alarmed, and now he was on their assassination list.

She had to protect her love. She'd put him in a safe-house, where the only entry was through the sewers, and even that was connected to the house through a slim pipe that only a child could possibly crawl through. A certain worry about that thought jumped her heart every time it entered her mind, but she dismissed it, and went on with her business.

Sometime, she was going to resign. A couple of years maybe. James would, too. They'd have kids, they'd bring them up to be safe, to be normal; they would have everything, and her and James would be in love forever and nothing would come between them.

She clutched that wonderful image close to her heart with a smile on her face.

I don't think I've actually ever said how grateful I am to all you guys for the support. Over 200 reviews? For just over 30k worth of words? If this is as long as I'm hoping it will be- so thank you. So much. You have no idea how much all of it means to me. This chapter was so hard to write, (a total of four complete drafts, about 4k words each, currently hovering in the Recycle Bin) but reading the reviews again and again (I know that's sad, but whatever) gave me so much inspiration it's actually unbelievable.

Uhm... the song quotes, now sitting atop each chapter, are there because I have all these wonderful lyrics going on and on in my head and nowhere to put them. So they're going in this fic. Review if I have lyrics wrong, and PM me to obsess over bands you like as well.

Oh, and I might be writing an Avengers/Harry Potter fic, starring Tony as a teen at Hogwarts, strunk with PTSD from his Afghanistan experience over the summer, his life slowly going down hill as friends abandon him for blond haired super boy, parents haunt him and guardian becomes abusive. Yes, I like writing angsty teen boys with crappy lives and messed up heads; gotta problem? So please read that if it sounds interesting and if I ever write it. Inspiration from Iron Man 3 movie, loved it!

Eleanorar Starrar. Firstly, loads of you (in reviews) were like; "OMG! I can't wait for the next one so I can find out who Eleanor is!" Eleanorar, not Eleanor. YOU met her in chapter 8. She was bitching about how she hated British school, and the only guy she liked (Alex Rider) ignored her, and how she was getting SAS protection. Chapter 9, Eel is in the SAS unit assigned to protect Eleanorar Starrar. They meet, she's like "Alex!" because she knows him, and being a kinda obsessed stalker girl has memorized his face so will recognize him anywhere.

Remember her now?

Extra info; she's Canadian, has a rich mum, was sent to Alex's school in the short time she lived with her British dad, she's a spoilt bitch, you're meant to hate her. She looks sorta older for her age (fifteen). I said this in revised version of chapter nine, but this is for people who have followed before that and haven't seen the revised edition.