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BLOOD DESIRE

Chapter Ten

Dean sat and looked at the clock on the wall of Matt's office; he couldn't believe an hour had past so quickly. Matt took a sip of water from his glass then replaced on the coffee table while still keeping his eyes on Dean "What was going through your mind when you came too and Chrissie was feeding on you?"

Dean moved his gaze from the clock to the windows, his mind remembering how he felt "The first couple of times I was barely conscious, but I hated the feeling of been trapped, powerless to stop her, kinda vulnerable, helpless, even degrading.

"That's understandable, what about being scared, maybe even frightened"

The only two people that Dean had ever admitted to been scared to was his dad and Sam, so he found it hard to admit to Matt "A little"

"Just a little, come on Dean your doing great don't hold back now" Matt wanted Dean to open up more

Dean rubbed his hand over his face "Ok, more than just a little, but do you want to know what scared the crap of me, was when I woke up trapped in a cage in the back off a truck and realizing we were on the move to a new location away from Sam, away from any possible rescue" Dean surprised himself at his little outburst of feelings

"Anybody would be scared"

"If nobody knew where I was then it was down to me, I had to escape, that night we stopped at an abandoned country house…." Dean stopped memories of Amy came flooding back, sweet innocent Amy and with that came his guilt that he had pushed so deep within himself.

"Dean"

"I don't want to go on" Dean climbed to his feet and walked to the door, but Matt was there before him and blocked his exit "Dean what happened there?"

With his only exit blocked by Matt Dean felt trapped he shouted out "stop recording" as he paced the room like a cage animal

"Dean, forget about that, just focus on me, tell me what happened?"

"Something I never told anybody else, not even Sammy" Dean finally stopped pacing and walked across the room pressing his back against the wall near the window he slid down until his backside was nearly touching the floor, his head in his hands

Matt walked over and squatted in from of him, there was something he had to ask, something that others had endured while been captives; it just didn't happen to women it also happen to men. "Dean, I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to answer it truthfully?"

"Dean, look at me" Matt waited until Dean looked up at him "were you raped?"

"What?" Dean couldn't believe what he just heard "you're asking me if some vampire shoved his dick up my arse?"

"Not the way I would phrase it but yes"

Dean pulled a face of disgust "hell no and I intend to keep it that way"

Matt looked deep to Dean's green eyes and saw no evident that he was lying, he sighed with relief "that's good news" but he was no nearer to finding out what happened so he asked again "Dean what happened?"

"It was my fault, I should never have taken her with me; it was stupid of me to think we could escape, they had our scent"

"She was a member of the blood bank?"

Yeah, her name was Amy" it was almost a whisper

"You two escaped and they found you"

"Chrissie killed her, you want to know why?" Dean asked but he didn't give Matt chance to answer "because I took her with me, because I liked her, Chrissie saw Amy as a threat because she wanted me so she ripped out Amy's throat" a tear ran down his cheek "Amy didn't deserve that"

"You couldn't have known Chrissie would kill her, Dean you do realize that if you hadn't have taken her Jack Turner would have killed her?"

Dean looked down at his hands "then Amy's blood would have been on his hands not mine"

"Not on your hands Dean Chrissie's hands"

"I just wanted to help Amy and Eddie I couldn't save either one of them"

"You tried you best Dean, no one could ask for more"

"I know I can't save everyone but do you want to know something really awful?"

"What's that Dean?"

Dean looked up from his hands "some days I wish I'd died with the rest of the blood bank"

Matt saw the pain and sorrow in Dean's eyes "Why Dean?"

"Then I wouldn't be broken, I wouldn't be a taster"

"And Sam, would you want him left all alone without his big brother around and I know Sam wouldn't agree with you, he never gave up on you, are you going to?"

"No, but some days I'm barely hanging on. Once Sam knows the truth that I 'm a fifthly blood junkie, he won't care about me"

Matt was surprised at the words Dean used "I don't think that's true Dean, Sam loves you and he'll be supportive

"He sees us as sick disgusting bastards, his words not mine"

"Give him a chance Dean" Matt patted Dean on his knee and stood up, his legs had gone numb from squatting "how about we call it a day we'll continue tomorrow, go see how Jay's doing" Matt walked over to the tape recorder and switched it off.

Dean stood up and walked over to the door, he grabbed the handle and stopped "Thanks Doc"

Matt turned to look at Dean "you're welcome, remember what I said, don't shut Sam out"

Dean left Matt Office's it wasn't that he wanted to shut Sam out, Sam was all he had and without him he had nothing, he was nothing. His brother had always looked up to him, he couldn't bare Sammy looking down at him in disgust, like some fifthly piece of scum. Opening the door to the back room he found Jay sat up watching small TV that Matt had provided

"Well you look better than you did last night" Dean commented

"Hi Dean, I'm sorry man for shooting my mouth off last night, did I get you into trouble with Matt?"

Dean walked over to the window and lent his back against the window sill "Don't worry, forget about it"

"Last night in the car you said something about sticking to our own kind, Dean how do I meet people like us?"

"Jay you're a smart kid, you got your whole further ahead of you, get out now while you can because if you don't it going to drag you down, don't become like me, a fifthly blood junkie"

"Dean, what I'm going to do, I don't think I can coupe?"

"Jay I know you can do it, will you promise me something?"

"What?"

"That you'll listen to Matt, he's a good man let him help you, that you'll turn your life around and make something of yourself"

Jay remembered what one of the men who had beat him up had called him a piece of fifthly scum, he hadn't realised before but now he could see what he had become and he didn't like it "I'm sorry for attacking you and for attacking that girl, I don't want to be some kind of animal that's dependent on blood, I want to get better and I'm going to try."

Dean walked over to the door; he turned and smiled at Jay "Bye Jay"

"Dean thanks for everything" Jay couldn't shake this feeling that this was the last time he would see him.

Stepping outside the clinic into the hot midday sun Dean felt a little happier; it had been good to talk to Matt. Climbing into the impala he started the engine and then sat for a moment before pulling out his cell phone and ringing Celeste.

At the mansion the wrought iron gates slowly open, allowing Dean to enter, he drove up the gravel path and parked the impala as far away from the mansion as he could, climbing out and removed his outer shirt, he remembered what Nikolay had said about leaving his gun in the car, he removed it from behind his back, while he had been here he had seen no reason to carry it, he believed Nikolay when he said no harm would come to him and for some weird reason Nikolay was protecting them. He placed his gun in the glove compartment and locked the car up.

Seeing that Dean had arrived and had parked the impala up Toby made his way out of the main house, he saw Dean lock the car and then turn to go towards the path that led to the old servants quarters "Hey Dean hold up"

Dean stopped walking towards the path that led towards the old servant's quarter and turned to see Toby "Hi Toby"

Toby jogged up to Dean "got a minute Nikolay would like a word with you?"

Dean had a feeling this was about what Celeste had told him last night "Look Toby, if this is about letting other taste me for money I not interested and besides I'll be moving on in a day or two"

"Sorry to hear that, will you do something for me talk to Nikolay; tell him what you've told me. At least you owe him that much, he as welcomed you here taken you under his wing and a least you can do is say thank you"

Dean realised he owed Nikolay his gratitude for his hospitality "OK"

Dean followed Toby into the mansion; he stood in the hallway while Toby went into the study. Dean thought the outside of the place gave him the creeps but the inside was no different. Standing in the hallway he couldn't miss the grand mahogany staircase, the creepy portraits that hung on the walls with their eyes that seem to be watching him. He was relieved when Toby called him into Nikolay's study.

Inside the study Nikolay sat behind his desk, he rose as Dean entered "Dean thank you for seeing me, I won't keep you long; come take a seat"

Nikolay gestured towards the leather chair in front of his desk, turning to Toby "That'll be all Toby, thank you"

Toby closed the door behind him as he departed the study, crossing the large hallway he pulled out his cell phone from his pocket and made a call "hi it's Toby I have that job for you"

"When?" the male voice asked at the other end

"Now"

"I'll be there shortly" the voice said before he ended the call

In the study Nikolay walked over to his drinks cabinet and made himself a bloody Mary "Toby informs me you are moving on in a day or two, sorry to hear that"

"It's my work; I have to move around a lot"

"Would you like a drink Dean?"

Dean thought about it then declined "No thanks"

He still poured Dean a drink "I have a twenty year old scotch, sure I can't tempt you" he walked over to Dean and lent against the desk, he held the glass for Dean to take.

Dean looked at the glass and then at up at Nikolay, just like the previous night Dean's eyes were drawn to Nikolay's brown eyes and just like before he couldn't take his eyes of them they had a calming almost hypnotic effect.

"I'll me offended if you don't have a drink with me Dean" Nikolay asked

Dean licked his lips suddenly feeling thirsty, almost in a trance he reached out and took the glass from Nikolay's hand he placed it to his lips and took a drink. Nikolay broke eye contact and walked over to the window "I know Celeste will miss you, I think she has a soft spot for you"

"I'll miss her too" Dean replied he shook his head to clear the fuzziness in his head. Swirling the scotch around in the glass, he found it hard not to take another drink, it was the best scotch he had ever tasted "Nikolay I like to thank you for welcoming me here, I don't know why you let tasters on to your property, you must have your reasons, look about this tasting for money it's just not me" Dean pulled at the neck of his T-shirt, he was feeling warm.

Looking out of the window Nikolay spoke "When I left my homeland I had nothing, everything that I have today I have earned, worked for" Nikolay turned to look at Dean "I like you Dean but we have a problem here"

Dean was finding it hard to focus, suddenly his vision started to swim in and out as he looked at Nikolay, "Problem, what problem?" he slurred, the glass slipped from his hand falling onto the Persian rug.

Nikolay walked back towards Dean "As I said I haven't got where I'm today by taking no for an answer, when I want something nothing stands in my way".

Dean tried to push up out of the chair with his arms but there was no strength there, he fell back into the chair like a rag doll he could feel his cell phone vibrating in his jean's pocket, he wanted to answer but his arm won't respond "You drugged me"