Dragonball Evolution: The Game...
(Played on an emulator)
Hey I'm Grump!" Freddy sang.
"I'm not so Gruuump!" Foxy chimed.
"Aaaand weee're NOT the Game Grumps!" they finished in unison, sitting in front of the computer screen with their arms stretched out and wide grins on their muzzles. Only a minute passed by before the grins on their faces dropped and Freddy says in a dull voice, "Well that was awful."
"Told ye it was a bad idea ta do an intro." Foxy said, crossing his arms with a huff.
"No! I mean we can do an intro, it's just that we have to be original about it." Freddy sighed.
"But-"
"Just start the damn game already!"
...
"Uuuuuhm..." Freddy blinked a few times before rubbing his optics. "Is this the right game?"
"Ehhhhh... It says "Dragonball" on the front." Foxy replied while looking over the title screen.
"Are you sure? 'cause this doesn't look like a Dragonball game, or anything related to Dragonball entirely..." He grips the mouse nervously, his finger hovering over the "start button" on the keyboard. "I don't know... This title sounds oddly familiar... Like I've heard it somewhere before... Foxy."
"Aye, Freddy?"
"... I think I'm actually scared right now." The bear began to chuckle a bit. "I think I'm actually fucking scared right now!" He then pressed down on the start button, and after going through the usual file name and stuff, he begins a new game. ""The first rule is... There are no rules. That's what Grandpa always said before we trained." Well now! It looks like we're starting off strong here."
The black screen then faded into a hyper realistic image of a house in the forest. "Oh. Hello." Foxy said. Then two hyper realistic images of men - one young and the other old - appeared on screen. It was when the name "Gohan" appeared on screen along with dialogue that Foxy and Freddy felt their servos suddenly lock.
"... Foxy." Freddy spoke, his voice eerily calm.
"Aye?" Foxy replied.
Freddy's eyes closed as he let out a heavy sigh through his nose, completely ignoring the dialogue on screen. "Who is that?"
"Ahhh..." The fox hesitated a bit before answering. "I believe that's supposed ta be... Grandpa Gohan."
Freddy's eyes reopened slowly as his eyebrows furrowed and a frown appearing on his muzzle. "Foxy... Do you still have the manager's phone on you? If so, please look up Grandpa Gohan." It didn't take the other animatronic long to look the anime character up. "Please tell me the difference you see here."
"Do I have ta answer?" Foxy mumbled.
"Got it Grandpa. I won't lose!" the younger man named "Goku" said. This seemed to aggravate Freddy while Foxy let out a gag.
"W-what?!" the fox screeched.
"That...is not...GOKU!" Freddy screamed loudly. "THAT IS NOT FUCKING GOKU! GOKU IS A BADASS! NOT FUCKING THIS!"
"Freddy!" Foxy wailed while struggling to wipe away the tears of oil that were beginning to squeeze out of the corners of his eyes. "F-Freddy I'm scared!"
"WHAT IS THIS?!" Freddy shrieked as he violent slams down the keyboard on the desk. "THE TITLE HAD DRAGONBALL IN IT! THIS IS NOT DRAGONBAAAAALL!" The screen then changed into a Mortal Combat style scenario, with two horribly made 3D models of the characters standing across from each other in fighting stances. Freddy suddenly found himself floored as he began to play, his face slack-jawed as he stared at the computer screen with stunned blue eyes. "Oh my gosh." he says, "This game is a fucking re-skin of Shin Budokai. OF SHIN. FUCKING. BUDOKAI!"
"Awww, gosh, Freddy! This game is makin' me wanna scratch me optics out!" Foxy cried between sobs.
"Look away, Foxy! This game is not suitable for children!" Freddy exclaimed.
"But I'm not a child!"
"According to canon lore you are! But thankfully this fic doesn't follow ANYTHING canon! But this game..." He dodges an attack from the Grandpa Gohan imposter. He eventually managed to defeat the old man, much to his relief. "Foxy..." he breathes, "I don't think I've ever felt more pissed off over a game before."
"OH, GOSH! IT'S STILL GOIN'!" the fox cried while pointing his hook at the screen. "THE DIALOGUE IS SO CLICHÉ! MAKE IT STOP!
Freddy's jaw drops open when noticed something in Noku's hand. "Is he holding a fucking Dragonball? IS HE HOLDING. A FUCKING. DRAGONBALL?" He the violent slams his fist on the desk, nearly hitting the mouse. "What is this abomination?" he whispers under his breath as he stared intensely at the screen. "Is this even real? Were the creators of this game even serious?"
"I don't wanna play tha rest of this game..." Foxy whimpered, rocking back and forth slightly in his seat.
"NO, FOXY!" Freddy snaps. "WE ARE GOING TO PLAY THE REST OF THIS GAME!"
"BUT IT'S SOOO BAD!" the fox protests. "IT MAKES ME WANNA THROW UP ME NON-EXISTENT ORGANS OUT!"
"I KNOW THAT! But Foxy." Freddy grips his wrist firmly. "We're all in this together! You, me, and the people who actually bother to read this fic! Now you can either pull through this game with me, or you can just sit here like a baby and a shell of your former self. What will it be?!"
The a pirate animtronic sniffled, blinking away the rest of his tears. He then looks up at his companion and gives him a determined nod. "Aye. A Captain never backs down from a challenge!"
"Good." Freddy said, nodding. "Now let's get back to playing-"
"My name is Son Goku. I'd like to say I'm a normal 18 year old high school student, but..."
Freddy and Foxy stared at the screen slack-jawed - Freddy could have sworn he felt his eye twitch. "'H-high school'?" the bear echoed before wheezing a bit. "High school? Goku didn't go to high school."
"Freddy." Foxy closed his eyes and spoke in a calm tone. "I've made a decision. I'm gonna get out of this seat, go to tha phone, call tha local incinerator people, and have meself melted down."
"A-ah... Ah... Ah..." Freddy gagged. "... You know what? I'm just gonna skip all this text...'cause I don't give a shit anymore..."
"Did I just see fuckin' Chi-Chi?" Foxy said.
"... No, Foxy." Freddy replied in a monotonous voice, a forced smile on his muzzle. "That wasn't Chi-Chi... This... This is not Dragonball... This...is something else. This is a game, created by the haters of Dragonball and anime, to make fans cry in their sleep at night. I think I'm gonna do that later, actually. I'm just gonna curl up on stage, and cry my eyes out."
"Ye wanna join me gettin' melted down instead?" Foxy asked.
"...Maybe." Freddy said as he began to fight a character named Mai. "... Did I just see a fucking jet pack on her back?" The two animatronics lean forward slightly and manage to catch a glimpse of the jet pack before it quickly disappeared. Freddy finally lost it and slams his head on the desk just as he finishes up the battle. "Is there ANY other game out there that's worse than this? IS THERE?"
"... Freddy." Foxy spoke. "Whatever ye do, don't look at tha screen."
"Why?" Freddy asked, his voice sounding muffled against the desk surface.
"If ye cherish yer sanity, don't look up." His voice cracked slightly near the end. But unfortunately it was all in vain, for Freddy lifted up his head and saw the monstrosity in front of him. Standing on screen was an image of a poorly portrayed live-action version of...Piccolo.
"...WHAT THE FU-"
A few minutes of raging and fighting later...
"Give it up, Noku..." Freddy said dully during a cut scene. "The real Goku was able to get laid faster than you!"
"Freddy?" Foxy asked. "I think I'm about ready ta just...rip me CPU out."
"Really? Ha ha ha."
"Oh, shut up no-Chi." Freddy rolled his eyes.
"You're different."
Cue record dj scratch sound effect...
"NOPE! THAT'S IT!" Freddy threw his arms in the air in defeat and rolled his chair back from the computer. "I'm done! Fuck this game! I'm fucking done!" Foxy watched with muffled laughs as the bear stood up and stomped out of the office, slamming the door loudly behind him. It was only then that Foxy began to laugh like crazy.
"F-FREDDY!" he yelled through his laughs. "COME BACK! HA HA HA HA! Come back...ha ha ha ha!"
The door swung open and Freddy pokes his head in. "NO! I'M DONE! I'M NOT DEALING WITH THIS BULLSHIT ANYMORE! I AM GOING TO WATCH SOME REAL DRAGONBALL EPISODES! ...EVEN THOUGH I PREFER DRAGONBALL Z INSTEAD."
"B-BUT FREDDY!"
"THAT IS NOT DRAGONBALL, FOXY! THAT IS A MONSTROSITY! AN ABOMINATION THAT SHOULD HAVE NEVER EXISTED!"
"FREDDY!" Foxy screamed loudly. "I know how ta fix this."
Freddy raised a brow. "What? Gather the dragonballs and wish for this game and it's shit movie to have never existed?"
"No, lad. Somethin' better." Foxy turned back to the computer and exited out of the game. And in one simple move he drags the cursor, clicks on the game, and drops it in the garbage bin. "There." he said, "It be gone now. It'll never hurt anyone again."
Freddy's eyes closed as he breathed a sigh of relief. "Hopefully we'll never have to encounter a game as terrible as that in the future..."
... Or will they?
Mario Kart Wii
"See, Freddy? Doesn't this look fun?" Foxy asked after choosing Bowser as his character. Freddy snorted and rolls his eyes before picking Mario as his character.
"Yeah. Fun."
"Well... It's a Mario game! Ye love Mario, right?"
"Yeah. Sure. I just love Mario games." he replied grumpily.
"... Yer still upset over Dragonball: Evolution, aren't ye."
"JUST PICK A DAMN TRACK ALREADY!"
Foxy rolled his eyes before going through his options. Let's see... Dry Dry Ruins... Moonview Highway... Bowser's Castle... Ooh! This one looks interestin'. "Hey, Freddy! Whaddya say we have a run on Rainbow Road?"
"Pfffffft."
The fox animatronic stared at the frown that was present on Freddy's face before frowning himself. "Yer're just bein' a party pooper right now. Ye know that right?" He then turned his attention back to the screen and started the level. Both animatronics jaws dropped as they were given a view of the entire course before settling on them at the starting point.
"I have a feeling that this track is gonna be one hell of a trip." Freddy said, sounding a little like his usual self.
"Ya thin-AW SHIT!" He and Freddy were taken by surprise when they failed to hear the noise go off after the countdown.
"Oh fuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" Freddy yelled, being the first of the two to get his car started. Foxy quickly followed suit, but was also stricken with shock as he drove down the very steep drop at the beginning of the track.
"Pirate's life for LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!"
"Damn it, Toad! Stop cockblocking me from Peach!" Freddy snapped as he struggled to drive past him before reaching a really weird part of the track. "W-woAH! What the fuck is going on!?" He laughs a bit. But the laugh was quickly short lived when a red shell suddenly struck him from behind. "HEY!"
"Ha! Ha!" Foxy said mockingly, hitting the finish line and starting his second lap. "Alright! Fourth place!"
"Because of you, I'm in eight place now!" Freddy growled before cursing loudly as he drove into a banana peel and ended up in tenth place.
Foxy was in the middle of dodging some cars when he winds up at the part of the track that had giant holes in it. His exposed eyes widen, and a bead of lubricant rolls down the side of his head as he realized the stress of the situation. Freddy noticed the look on his friend's face and decided to pull a dick move. You see, he managed to unlock the item that will shrink all the other drivers with a zap of lightning. He unleashes the attack, surprising Foxy enough to make him unintentionally drive into one of the holes.
"DAMN YE, FREDDY!" he snaps.
Freddy laughed his signature laugh. "Ha! First fucking place!" he announced as he reached his third and final lap.
Foxy, now in eleventh place, growled under his breath. After bumping and skidding and trying to avoid falling off the edge of space, he eventually hit a question mark box. And what he got made him laugh evilly inside. Freddy was so focused on finishing in first that he failed to notice the blue shell icon on Foxy's side of the screen.
Yes yes yes! he thought proudly as he neared the finish line. I'm gonna fucking win this bi-wait. What's that noise? The bear's eyes widen in horror when the blue shell icon appeared over Mario's head. No...
The shell wasn't far from him.
No.
It was now getting closer.
NO.
Just behind him now.
NONONONONONONO!
Boom.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Freddy screamed as he helplessly watched his avatar fall over the edge while the other racers made it through the finish and leaving him in last. "NO! NO! I WAS SO CLOSE! I WAS SO FUCKING CLOSE!"
Foxy watched in both amusement and horror as the bear suddenly shot up from his seat and threw the driving wheel on the floor. Just like before, he began to stomp out of the room again in a heated rage.
"WE'RE DONE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES FOR TONIGHT! WE'RE FUCKING DONE!"
"But Freddy!" Foxy protested.
"No 'buts' Foxy! It's over! We're done playing video games for now!" And with that he slams the door behind him. Foxy stayed where he was in complete silence. But a smile slowly crept on his face when he heard distant, muffled screaming, coming from outside the Dining Hall.
X.X
Now I know what you guys are thinking. "Where's the new chapter for Out of the Blue?!" "When will you update?!" "Update Out of the Blue please!" "UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!"
Before I say anything else, I just want to say that I'm grateful that you guys really like my fic. But I'm going to college now, and college really drains the creativity out of me. And not only that, but there's been a LOT of real life bullshit going on in my life. And I mean a LOT. Like, enough to make me depressed and not want to do anything at all.
Authors have lives too you know. And constantly asking for updates won't make new chapters come any faster. Ideas don't just happen overnight, plus I often have problems putting my thoughts into words. I'm not just saying this for myself, by the way. I know I'm not the only one experiencing this problem. So please, all I ask if for you guys to be patient.
Lucky for you, I've been making a lot of good progress with the new chapter recently. But with a recent paper assignment to do, it might take a little longer to update and work on the chapter.
And one more thing: you might see a Dragonball Z yaoi one-shot pop up one of these days. That's right! I've recently gotten back into my favorite anime from my childhood, and is probably also my FIRST anime. (Although my only memories from those times are of Buu turning Android 18 into a cookie and eating her... ._.) And I've also been watching the Team Four Star abridged series. If you are a Dragonball fan, and enjoys humor every once in a while, then I suggest going over to their channel and check out their episodes! You will NOT regret it ;D