Chapter 10: "O teach me how I should forget to think" - Romeo and Juliet

The sound of clattering pans followed by Octavia's indignant squeak had Clarke racing into the kitchen. It had been two days since they'd arrived back in LA and they'd been in full rehearsal mode from the moment the plane touched down Thursday afternoon. Saturday night dinner was the first opportunity for both Blake siblings and Clarke to sit down for a meal together.

Octavia was staring at her brother with wide eyes while several cooking pans rolled at her feet. "This better fucking not be what I think it is, big brother."

Clarke stared between the two of them. Bellamy looked more flabbergasted than worried, but Octavia was on the warpath. He slid his eyes momentarily over to Clarke before turning his attention to his seething sister. "O, I said I had good news."

Octavia narrowed her eyes at him before turning her intense gaze on Clarke. "Please tell me he didn't get you pregnant."

Clarke stared dumbly back at her. She blinked rapidly, trying to digest Octavia's words. She and Bellamy had only been intimate a handful of times in the past week and she took regular birth control pills. There was no way she was pregnant. "What are you talking about?"

"You are, aren't you?" Octavia whirled around to face her brother, stalking toward him with predatory steps. She jabbed her index finger violently into his black t-shirt clad chest. "You're smarter than that, Bell! Why the hell would you let something like this happen?"

Clarke ignored Octavia's ranting in favor of frowning at him. "What the heck did you say to her?"

He eyed the finger still poking his chest before shrugging helplessly. "I told her we had some good news to share with her."

Octavia now glanced between Clarke and Bellamy, her brow creasing with confusion. Clarke put a reassuring hand on the younger Blake's shoulder. "Bellamy. You should know better than to say that. That's like the universal phrase for we're getting married or we're pregnant." She glanced over at Octavia, giving the other girl's shoulder a squeeze. "We're doing neither."

Octavia's aggressive stance melted into a more neutral one. "So what the hell is going on?"

Clarke moved to stand beside Bellamy, her arm dropping from Octavia's shoulder to brush his hand. He gave her a small smile before meeting his sister's fierce eyes. "Clarke and I have made arrangements to start our own dance company. It'll be operational this fall."

Octavia's face was pale now, her expression uncertain. "You're leaving the show?"

"I thought you knew."

"I'd suspected you weren't happy with what you were doing, Bell, but you never fucking gave me any indication that you were just going to quit. Fucking Hell." Bellamy's gaze dropped to the floor. Heart beating erratically in her chest, Clarke grasped his hand.

"You have to tell her, Bellamy. It's doing none of us any good to keep secrets." Octavia gave Clarke a startled glance. She clearly didn't think that her brother had had anything to hide from her that Clarke would know about. Clarke resisted opening her mouth to defend Bellamy. This was between the siblings now.

"Tell me what?"

"I finished my college degree in history while on the show." He looked up at his sister tentatively through the fringe of his dark curls. "I know I should have told you, but I honestly thought I might never use it. You're right, though, I was getting unhappy doing the show and the other dance contracts we got in LA, so I was planning on quitting this season so I could finish up a teaching credential and then teach high school history."

"You have a fucking history degree." Octavia seemed to turn the words over in her head before snapping her gaze back to her brother. "Damn it, Bell. How long ago?"

"A year."

His words were barely a whisper in the quiet kitchen. "You hid this from me for a year? Bellamy! What the fuck? After all the shit we've been through together, you go and lie to me?"

His face contorted in desperate anguish, the hand gripping Clarke's an iron vice. "I didn't lie, O. I just didn't mention it… I'm sorry, okay? I understand now what a selfish choice that was."

"You arrogant asshole," Octavia thundered. Her eyes flashed steely blue and Clarke fought the urge to flee the scene. Bellamy needed her now more than ever. Bellamy's sorrowful gaze locked with his sister's for several long moments before Octavia's expression shattered, turning from rage to sorrow in an instant. "God, Bell. Was any of it real? Did you ever really love dancing or was this just for me?"

His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. Clarke heard his breathing stutter for a second. His eyes gleamed with moisture he stared into his sister's eyes. "I learned to love it."

"You make it sound like a fucking arranged marriage." Octavia surged forward now, wrapping her thin arms around him. Clarke started to retreat, but Bellamy refused to relinquish his grip on her hand, so she hovered beside them. Octavia brushed at the moisture running from her eyes as she stepped back. "I never knew, Bell. You hid it so damn well. Just like everything else. When are you going to stop sacrificing your happiness for mine, you idiot?"

"Hopefully now," he responded, voice laden with emotion. "I never really loved dancing until I danced with Clarke. She awoke something in me that I never knew existed. This stopped being a job and became a passion. I don't want to become a history teacher anymore, at least not right now. I want to dance with her and by some miracle she's actually agreed to join me on this insane adventure."

Octavia's bright blue eyes wandered to Clarke. "Is this true?"

"I can't speak to how Bellamy feels, but yeah. We talked to a studio in Denver and all the arrangements have been made for us to develop and audition dancers over the summer and then start productions and classes in the fall."

"Denver?" Octavia's eyes danced with an unidentifiable mixture of emotions as she turned back to her brother. "I thought you said you'd never go back there. Ever."

"A lot has changed, O." He rubbed his free hand through his hair. "We stayed at the house and it was okay. Better than okay, really. I thought I could never go back, but I've been working on letting go of the past. I think I'm at the point where going back doesn't feel like going backwards."

Octavia pulled him into another embrace, pressing a kiss to his cheek as she let him go. Her voice was soft as she spoke. "I'm so proud of you, big brother. I was so worried that you'd carry everything around for the rest of your life."

"She did all the heavy lifting," Bellamy responded, lifting the hand interwoven with Clarke's. "I've never been so happy to be proven wrong in my entire life."

A wry smile crossed Clarke's lips; they had certainly come a long way in ten weeks. "I can't argue with you there, but seriously, Bellamy, you did all work. I just came along for the ride."

Octavia interrupted their affectionate staring match by asking sharply, "What about Clarke? Aren't you supposed to be finishing medical school? Is it really okay to just fucking quit? Not that I'm not all for this plan, but I want to make sure you'll be alright."

Clarke nearly jumped up and down with elation as the dread that had been suffocating her made no appearance at Octavia's question. She had worried that the feeling would return once they were back in the 'real' world, but ever since her revelation in the studio parking lot, she'd been free of it.

"I'll be fine, Octavia. Med school was a bit of a pipe dream for me anyway. I wanted to do it for all the wrong reasons and I'm pretty sure I would have eventually quit or failed out." Clarke gave both Blakes' shoulders a squeeze before she bent to pick up the pots at their feet. "So how about that dinner thing?"

"Right." Octavia grinned at her, a hint of mischief in her eyes. "I believe one Bellamy Alfred Blake requested to cook this evening."

"Alfred?"

Bellamy glared daggers at his sister, ignoring Clarke's question. Octavia just laughed as she placed the cookware Clarke was gathering in its proper place. "Bell, you're going to be working with her. I'm sure it was bound to come up on some contract or something. I'm just sparing her the surprise."

"Shut up and get out. I have work to do here, ladies." Bellamy shooed them out of the kitchen.

Clarke managed to stay quiet as they made their way to the living room, but as soon as they were alone, she burst into laughter. Octavia's rich giggles followed quickly after. Clarke rounded on Octavia, using the couch to prop herself up in order to avoid collapsing. "Is it… it's really Alfred?"

She stared at Octavia, waiting for the other girl to calm down enough to speak. It wasn't that Alfred was such a bad name or anything; it was just that Clarke had never even considered that he had a middle name, let alone one straight out of the Victorian Era. She felt like she knew him so well, but with only eleven weeks together she was missing some of the critical details. Her laughter tapered off as she realized that she didn't even know his birthday or his exact age. She had no idea what his favorite flavor of ice cream was or if he liked pepperoni pizza. In terms of daily life she knew absolutely nothing about him. A feeling of isolation swept through her. She had known all those things about Wells, but he was gone.

"Hey, Clarke, you okay?"

Her vision blurred as she glanced over at Octavia who was staring at her without a hint of mirth. She tentatively reached up to touch her face, surprised to feel the wetness of tears upon her fingers. Was she really crying? Water dripped from her fingers on to her dark wash jeans as she slumped down on the couch. Apparently she was.

"Hey." Octavia was immediately at her side, her tanned arm wrapping around Clarke's shoulders. "You don't have to say anything, but we're here for you."

Clarke fought back the sudden urge to burry her face in Octavia's hair and sob. She managed to murmur a bleary, "Thanks."

Octavia's hand gently caressed her skin, sending small waves of comfort though her. "I know they say it gets easier, but I always thought that was bullshit. After mom died, a part of Bell just went away. I felt like I'd lost one and a half people. He hides it all well. Apparently even from me." Octavia paused, her hand stiffening against Clarke's shoulder. "I want to be mad at him for hiding all the pain from me, but I get why he did it. If I'd been in his position I would have done the same. I guess some part of me always knew he wasn't really happy, but I think I accepted that maybe he was never going to be. Does that make me a horrible person?"

"No," Clarke told her, shifting to face the brunette. Octavia's deep blue eyes gleamed with a sadness Clarke was all too used to seeing in her brother's gaze. She wiped the tears from her eyes and laid her hand over Octavia's. "That just makes you human. I keep feeling guilty every time I feel happy… like I'm not respecting Wells or something. But he would want me to be happy and he would be even more upset that I was feeling guilty. So then I just feel guiltier. Being with Bellamy is about the only thing that can pull me out of that cycle, no offence."

"None taken. You seem to have a singular effect on my brother. It makes sense that the same is true for you." Octavia leveled Clarke with a look that threatened to take no prisoners. "What is going on between you two now anyway?"

"Well… you heard about the dance –"

"Clarke. I'm not talking about the damn dance company."

"Right." Clarke felt the blood rush to her face. Of course Octavia was interested in the development of their relationship. She supposed it was unlikely that Bellamy had given her any of the details already. "Well, we came to an understanding about more than just our professional future."

Octavia groaned, hitting her with a throw pillow. "This is no time to play coy, Clarke! Give me the juicy details!" She paused, wrinkling her nose. "Well… actually, no. I don't want any of the juicy details. Give me the PG summary."

Clarke contemplated Octavia for a moment before allowing a small smile to fall across her lips. Fuck it. Bellamy was going to have to admit this to his sister at some point in time; she was just going to beat him to it. "So he told me he was in love with me and I said it back. Well, not immediately, which I think gave him a minor heart attack, but pretty soon after. So… yeah… kind of officially a couple now."

Clarke expected Octavia to smile back at her and perhaps offer words of congratulations. Instead the brunette stared at her wide-eyed, her mouth gaping. "He said what?"

"That he was in love with me…"

"He actually said those words."

"Yeah. What? What's wrong?" Clarke glanced nervously back at the kitchen, but Bellamy was too preoccupied stirring something on the stove to be paying their conversation any attention.

Her attention snapped back to Octavia when the younger Blake gripped her hands tightly, her shocked expression melting into one of awe. "Damn. Holy shit, Clarke. I mean I knew he liked you and that you guys were going to try and give it a go, but I had no idea he felt that way. I had no idea he was capable of admitting he felt that way." She paused, loosening her death grip on Clarke's hands. "I mean I know he feels really deeply about stuff, but ever since mom died he'd never really let anyone in, especially girls. He and Roma were together for like seven years and I don't think he ever told her he liked her, let alone anything else."

Clarke nodded in agreement. She knew that his relationship with Roma had been on and off again for years. In one corner of her mind, she still felt horribly plain in comparison to Roma, but Octavia was right. Bellamy had never progressed beyond a casual relationship with the other dancing star and yet somehow in a matter of weeks, he had fallen in love with Clarke. She had no idea what to think. She was still in some amount of shock that Bellamy really wanted her, let alone loved her, but the feelings she experienced when she was with him were so much more intense than anything else.

"I think neither of us really knew what was happening. We felt so intensely for each other even when we didn't want to. Those first few weeks we really kind of hated each other, but I think that's because we were both putting up fronts," Clarke admitted.

"You don't say." A wry smile crossed Octavia's lips. "Oh my god. I forgot about the time you walked in on him and Roma…"

Clarke sent Octavia a mock glare before buried her face in her hands. "Why did you have to remind me? Thank god I didn't actually see that much."

"So you didn't actually walk in on them having sex?"

Clarke choked, imagining how utterly petrifying that would have been. "Octavia! God no. He just had his shirt off. It wasn't like I hadn't seen him half naked during practice anyway."

Octavia narrowed her eyes at Clarke. "But that got you thinking about him, didn't it?"

Clarke's cheeks became efficient heaters. She refused to meet Octavia's amused stare. So what if seeing Bellamy in a sexual situation had done a number on her? There was no way she was admitting the extent of her infatuation to his sister. "I still hated him, Octavia. He was acting like a complete ass. He even slept with Raven during the partner swap week."

"Only because she walked in on Roma and Finn Collins. Turns out Raven and Finn had been having a thing and she wanted revenge or something. Anyway, I'm pretty sure Bellamy knows Raven used him." The amusement had left Octavia's delicate features and Clarke figured that she had already expressed her opinion to Raven on the subject.

"He didn't tell me that when I asked about it."

"Don't be dense, Clarke." Octavia sighed in apparent exasperation. "Why the hell would he admit to being used? That's like voluntarily turning in your man card or whatever the hell you want to call it. Bell may be an asshole sometimes, but he's actually pretty sensitive. You know that."

"I suppose so."

"So back to the important fact of my brother telling you he loves you." This time Octavia seemed to have gotten used to the idea. Her blue eyes nearly sparkled as she grinned at Clarke. "Was it super romantic?"

"Not really. I was being dense and he realized he needed to spell it out for me kindergarten style." Clarke smiled, remembering the look in his eyes as he insisted he was head over heels in love with her. A wave a heat washed over her skin as memories of the night that followed flowed over her closely followed by the eruption of Goosebumps across her skin at the memory of his lips ghosting across her skin. Despite the deepening their relationship, the chemistry between them had not abated in the slightest. In fact, the pull she felt toward him was stronger than ever. Even a flash of a smile or a blink of his dark lashes against his freckled cheeks had her stomach churning and her palms sweating. She shifted uncomfortably, reminding herself that she was talking to his sister and that acting like a dog in heat was probably not the best course of action.

"Damn." Her flushed appearance had clearly not escaped Octavia's notice. "I'm going to stop asking questions now because I think this is about to get NC-17 rated and this is my brother you're thinking about."

Bellamy chose that moment to appear at the back of the couch. He narrowed his dark eyes at Octavia and Clarke in turn. "NC-17? What the hell are you two talking about?"

Clarke was simultaneously horrendously turned on and mortified. She wanted nothing more than to drag Bellamy and his shapely ass down the hall to his bedroom, but the more coherent part of her brain reminded her that she was about to sit down to what essentially amounted to a family dinner. Bellamy's eyes had locked with hers and she saw his pupils beginning to dilate in response to her heated gaze. Damn it. Before they could go any further down that path, she leapt from her seat on the couch next to Octavia. She spoke as cheerily as she could, avoiding eye contact with both Blakes. "So is dinner ready, Bellamy?"

He shook his head, curls bouncing listlessly, as if trying to clear his head. He raised his right hand and raked it through his hair as he spoke. "Wha… oh… huh… yeah. Dinner's ready."

Octavia leveled a glare at both of them as she headed toward the kitchen. "You two are disgusting. I don't want to accidently overhear anything later tonight. Is that clear?"

Bellamy stared after his sister with a sheepish expression. "So we clearly still need to work on that."

"Are you complaining about our sexual chemistry, Mr. Blake?" Clarke purred as she passed him.

He choked as he stared at her with wide brown eyes and flushed cheeks. A short round of coughing followed before he caught up to her at the kitchen door. She could feel the heat of him at her back, but he didn't touch her. Instead he leaned forward until his breath was hot against her ear. "If you play with fire, Ms. Griffin, you're going to get burned."

She let her head fall back to rest against his chest. His rapid heartbeat thundered in her ear. She tilted her head such that her lips brushed his neck, just below his ear. "I'm counting on it."

His groan was low and hungry. "Damn it, Princess."

Clarke sent him what she hoped was a lascivious wink before flouncing over to where Octavia was spooning the curry Bellamy had made into bowls. She had never considered herself to be much of a sexy woman and had never even contemplated teasing any of her previous partners, but Bellamy brought out a reckless side of her that she couldn't seem to tame. She'd found a confidence in the face of his overwhelming desire that inspired her to do things she would never have dreamt of before. While the experience was out of character for her, she had to admit she liked the power that came with it. He was under her control as much as she was under his and if she felt freer with her sexuality because of it, that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

She glanced over her shoulder, her breath hiccupping as she met his dark eyes. In just a glance, he promised to undo her and she couldn't help but shiver in anticipation. Holding her eyes captive, he ran his tongue slowly over his full lips. She nearly gasped aloud and quickly swung around to face Octavia.

"You okay there, Clarke?" Octavia had a neutral expression on her face that gave no hint of whether or not she knew what had passed between Clarke and her brother.

Clarke nodded, clearing her throat. "Um, yeah, sorry. I just have a bit of a headache coming on."

"You need any Advil or something? I keep some in my bathroom cabinet."

Clarke nodded thankfully. She might not have a headache, but she could do with splashing some cold water on her flushed face. Hell, a cold shower sounded like a good option if it wasn't dinnertime. "Yeah, I'll go get that."

She was out of the kitchen in a heartbeat, nearly running down the hall to the bathroom. They'd been incredibly busy since they'd returned from Colorado and she had forgotten just how strong an effect Bellamy could have on her when he tried. She narrowly avoided slamming the door before she jerked the taps into an open position and splashed the chilled water over her face. Even after she was done rinsing her face, she stayed leaning over the counter, searching for her equilibrium. A creak sounded near her, but she paid it no mind. The house was old and nearly every step you took in it sounded like ghosts taking tap dance lessons.

She screamed as an arm wrapped around her waist, strong fingers pushing under her shirt to splay across her skin. The sound was muffled instantly as another warm hand covered her mouth. "Shh. You don't want Octavia to hear you."

His voice was husky against her ear. Satisfied that she wasn't going to scream again, he dropped both hands to work on the fastening of her jeans. She stared at him wide eyed in the mirror, panting at the sight of him pressing her against the counter. He grinned at her through their reflections, the look in his dark eyes sending lightening bolts of need through her.

S~*~S

Clarke reached out blindly for her clothes, fingers brushing numbly against the material. She felt like she'd been transported to some alternate universe where every sense was simultaneously heightened and dulled. She swayed as she pushed to her feet, nearly tripping as she pulled her underwear back on and clasped her bra. She glanced toward the mirror and caught Bellamy's dark eyes staring back at her. His pupils were still dilated, but his expression resembled that of a shell shock victim. His full lips were parted and his palms were flattened against the bathroom wall.

She swayed again and he startled into action, reaching a hand out to grasp her arm, steadying her. She knelt down to pick up her jeans and his hand slipped away from her. He looked almost pained as he broke their staring contest, muttering, "Jesus Christ."

"Bell? How is Clarke? Should I put the bowls in the oven?"

Octavia's voice shook Clarke sharply back to reality. She grabbed her tank top and yanked it over her head before bending over the taps, splashing chilled water over her face for the second time in the past ten minutes.

Bellamy's deep voice called out from behind her. "Yeah. She's fine. We'll be there in a second."

"You better not be getting up to anything in my bathroom," Octavia's voice called back. Clarke glanced sharply at the hand towel hanging next to Bellamy. It was pink. This wasn't even Bellamy's bathroom; it was his sister's.

Bellamy stood against the wall, still as a statue. His eyes were pressed closed and his strong jaw was clenched, muscles jumping with tension. Clarke took the chance to study him. His dark hair was even more disheveled than usual, likely her work, and his olive skin held a dark flush. His chest rose and fell a little too quickly. As she watched, his fingers curled into fist against the wall, as if he was fighting back a wave of frustration or anger.

"I'm so sorry."

He didn't open his eyes or move. Clarke took a step toward him, turning to face him instead of the mirror. "I don't think you have anything to apologize for. That was just really intense."

"You drive me crazy and I just couldn't stop," he whispered, anguish coating his tone.

"Bellamy. Look at me." His dark lashes slowly lifted to reveal luminous dark eyes. "You didn't do anything I didn't agree to. I will admit the last five minutes were completely out of character for me, but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it."

"I should have more control than to assault you in my sister's bathroom," he insisted.

"I'm not exactly going to argue that point, but I'm not going to let you apologize either." She paused, raising her hands to cup his face. "I love you, Bellamy. I have never felt this intensely about anyone or anything and sometimes I think we both get caught up in all that intensity. We need to forgive ourselves when we get carried away." His eyes conveyed his doubt. She leaned forward to kiss his freckled cheek. "I'm not going to run away just because you get a little intense sometimes. You make me feel things I never imagined I could. I'm not going to ever give that up. I can't give you up, Bell. Not anymore. It's too late to turn back for me."

Some of the tension fell away from him at her words. He sighed, pulling her into a tight hug. "Thank you. I'm not giving you up either." He pressed a warm kiss to her hair before pulling away with a small smile gracing his lips. "So you enjoyed that?"

"Yes, you idiot." She stepped back, pulling at her tank top and checking her reflection. She looked a little too flushed, but otherwise there was no sign that Bellamy had just spun her world upside down yet again. She leaned back against the sink, trying her best to glare at him. "Next time I'd prefer better timing and not your sister's bathroom."

He chuckled. "At least it wasn't Octavia's bedroom."

She whacked his arm. "Don't be gross."

"BELL! What the hell are the two of you doing?"

"We're just-"

Octavia crashed through the door. Clarke stared at the door handle in horror. They hadn't even bothered the lock the door. She caught sight of a similar look of discomfort settling over Bellamy's features. Octavia glared at Bellamy. "What the hell, Bell? It's been like ten minutes. How long does it take to help Clarke find the Advil?"

He stared at the wall above Octavia head. His fingers clenched absently into the pink hand towel. "We just got to talking, sorry. I didn't realize it had been so long, O."

Octavia turned a questioning look on Clarke. "Bellamy's right, Octavia. We just got to talking. I'm so sorry."

The brunette crossed her arms as she leaned against the doorframe. Despite her petite size, Clarke couldn't help but feel like Octavia could destroy her with single glance. "So you two didn't just have sex in my bathroom."

Clarke's gaze snapped instinctively to meet Bellamy's in the mirror. They both looked horribly guilty. She had no idea what to say, so she kept her mouth shut praying that Bellamy could find a way to make the situation less mortifying. A cleared throat and a few mumbled syllables later she knew there was no hope on that front.

Staring between them Octavia looked equal parts disgusted, furious and exasperated. "Wonderful. I'm going to have Lysol this whole room. I'd been pleasantly surprised at the lack of such activity after you two got back from Colorado, but now I realize that was only because you two were the walking dead. If we're all going to be living here, there are going to be ground rules."

Clarke managed to find her voice. "Yeah. That's reasonable."

"Keep everything in the guest bedroom or Bell's room and I don't want to hear a damn thing."

"That's fair," Clarke agreed. Bellamy appeared to still be too mortified to respond.

Octavia nodded sharply. "Good. Now let's go eat, yeah?"

Clarke paused, watching Octavia retreat down the hallway. "Well that went better than I thought it might. Come on." She grabbed Bellamy's tanned arm and dragged him out of the bathroom.

He was silent most of the way to the dining room. In the doorway he paused and turned to her, his eyes glinting with humor. "I think we're going to have to find a place of our own pretty soon."

Clarke rolled her eyes at him before pushing him into the dining room ahead of her. She slumped into her seat as Octavia set the bowls on the table. She glanced over at Bellamy, who was sheepishly apologizing to his sister in hushed tones, and sighed in contentment.