Chapter Nine: Sorry

Barton's P.O.V.

Please don't be angry with me when you wake up.

The silence I'd been drowning in suddenly lifted at those words. The darkness went away as my eyes focused on the return of the square of "video feed" stuck behind the bars. Mo's figure was retreating away from me. I could see the Avengers congregated at the entrance to the runway on Stark Tower, somber looks on their faces. I didn't even ponder over how I'd suddenly managed to end up out of the helicarrier. That didn't matter as soon as I saw Mo's hands trembling.

I gripped the bars in front of me, wishing for the first time in my life that I could be like Banner and turn all green and muscular so I could rip this cage apart and get to Mo. I could hear her sniffling, and when she looked down at her feet, I could see the tears glinting on her cheeks. My struggles against the damned cage became more desperate. Never again. I told myself I would never again be the source of her tears. I didn't even know if I was the cause this time, but it didn't matter. I never wanted it to happen again.

"Let me out, dammit!" I screamed, trying to rattle the bars and getting more and more frustrated the more they refused to budge. "I need to get to her! Put me back in reality! Let me get to her!"

I could see Mo walking toward the open door to the runway. I couldn't see what she was doing or what was out there, but judging by the angered and saddened expressions on everyone's faces, I knew it wasn't good. "Let me out!" I yelled again. Her figure was disappearing through the doorway. "Let me out!" The words weren't as strong as they were two seconds ago.

She completely disappeared outside and I stepped back. "Goddammit," I said in a hiss, pressing the heels of my hands to my eyes. "Goddammit."

Thank you for everything. I lifted my head. I'm sorry none of this turned out the way we wanted it to. It's my fault.

Mo's voice was like a whisper in my ear, even though she was nowhere near me. But, as I watched Rogers clench his jaw and Stark turn his face away in frustration, the bar around the square disintegrated. Almost without thinking, I gave a frantic shout and rushed forward with one hand extended.

My feet left the ground and I was certain I was going to land hard on my stomach, still trapped in my own mind, but it wasn't so. It was like I'd done a front flip and landed hard on my back on the floor, knocking the breath out of me and instantly making me feel nauseous. I tried to move, but it was as if I was a stranger in my own body. Nothing was moving the way I wanted it to, and it was irritating as much as it was worrying.

Slowly, though, I could feel...myself...start to creep back in, rather than just my consciousness. It didn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but I knew I was becoming normal again. My fingers twitched and my eyelids fluttered, and then I could open my eyes. But when I tried to stand, I fell to the side.

From this angle, I could see a helicopter landing on the end of the runway - the very same helicopter that I was thrown into when the aliens kidnapped me. And now Mo was walking directly toward it. The Avengers were doing nothing to stop her.

"Mo." I tried to yell, but my voice was hoarse. My body ached and my head was throbbing. "Mo, stop!" No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the words to come out any stronger. I attempted to at least push myself onto my hands and knees, and immediately cried out in pain. It was like when you fall asleep while laying on your arm and all of the feeling has gone out of it. It was the burning, aching feeling of getting your cells and your nerves to wake up again, but it was all over my body and it hurt about a thousand times worse. I fell back onto my stomach, clutching my head to try and ward off the splitting headache I could sense was about to come, but it didn't help any.

Someone gripped my shoulder and rolled me onto my back, despite my screams of pain. Thor's blue eyes were cold, boring into mine and searching for something I wasn't aware of. Slowly, though, a smile began to spread across his lips. "Barton," he said. "Is it you?"

I cleared my throat and nodded, wincing at the pain from both actions. "Yeah," I rasped. I cleared my throat again. "Yeah, it's me." I sighed. "It's me."

"He's back!" Thor called. Stark, Rogers, Banner, and Natasha were at my side in an instant. Mo was nowhere to me seen.

"Where's Mo?" I burst out, gripping onto Stark's forearm. He looked away.

I searched their faces, desperately trying to find someone who would just come out with it and tell me what happened to Mo already. But all their lips were pressed together in silence, all their foreheads creased with worry. I suddenly found it hard to breathe and had to lay back again. The grave expressions followed me down. My head throbbed where it touched the floor and I pressed my hands over my eyes to block out the burning of the lights against my retinas.

"No, no, no, no, no..."

Someone touched my arm with thin, calloused fingertips. I knew instantly who it was. "Barton..." Natasha trailed off. She was never at a loss for words. Ever. With all of the shit that had been happening in my life recently, I didn't need that to change also.

"Where is she?" I asked, keeping my hands firmly over my eyes. If I cried, I didn't want anyone to see. Not now, anyway. I had a feeling I wouldn't be able to help myself no matter what I did. "Where is she?" I repeated when I didn't receive an answer.

No one spoke for a moment. I was going to ask again, but Stark spoke first. "With them."

Two words. Two words was all it took for me to drop my hands from my face and sit upright. I knew the answer, I know I knew I did, but the truth didn't hurt any less hearing someone else say it. "W-why?" I was stuttering now, my heart beating too quickly in my chest. "Why would you just let them take her?"

Natasha tried to touch my arm again, but I jerked away from her and stood up, rubbing my forehead with my hand. "Barton, we didn't have a choice," the redhead said, standing with me. The rest of the team did the same.

"Why? Why didn't you have a choice?" My blood was starting to boil. My fists clenched and unclenched in agitation. "What deal did she make? What were the terms?"

"No, Barton, she didn't - "

"Yes she did, goddammit!" I screamed, cutting Natasha's lie off abruptly. Banner stepped a little in front of her, like I was going to fly off the handle and hurt her. Watching them made me angrier, but I did my best to control it. My breathing became labored.

Stark came at me, holding his hands up like he was going to put them on my shoulders. "All right, bud, you need to calm down a little bit. Okay? How about you go and sit on the couch? Let's talk about this like adults."

I turned my gaze to him, eyes lit with fury. "I'm not doing anything until you tell me what the hell Mo just got herself into."

The billionaire's expression becomes guarded. "How do you know she - "

"Because I know Mo," I said, cutting him off as well. I looked away from him and clasped my hands behind my back, pacing back and forth across the living room area. "I know she's been looking for an excuse to martyr herself off and save the planet. What pushed her over the edge this time?"

Stark's face was solemn. "You." I stopped pacing. "Garfield's one condition for leaving your body was for Mo to give herself over to him and return back to his planet with the aliens."

I chose to ignore that bit about being possessed by an alien mastermind and instead focused on the important information. "No. Mo wouldn't do that. There's no way she would give herself up just because of me. I'm not important enough."

Banner sighed. "You know you are, though."

I clenched my hands around my hair. "No, no..." I trailed off, squeezing my eyes shut. "Please - " My voice broke. "She can't have done this because of me. She can't."

No one wanted to answer me for a moment, which didn't calm me down any. I opened my eyes, looking toward Stark with a desperate look. I knew he would give me answers. He was always more blunt than any of the rest of them. But even he was looking at me with tightly-pressed lips. "Stark," I pleaded, hating how pitiful my voice sounded. "Please tell me she didn't."

Stark exhaled slowly through his nose. "But you know I don't lie. I just stretch the truth."

"What does Garfield want with her? Why did he need her?" My voice was almost too soft for even my own ears to hear it. I wanted to know the answer, but at the same time I didn't. The team again was just looking at me, waiting for me to crack, or to at least stop asking them all of these questions they so clearly didn't want to answer. "I need to know," I snapped. "I deserve to know."

Rogers was the one to step forward this time. His hands were clasped together in front of him, his head bowed in submission. It was something I'd never expected to see from him. His blue eyes bored into mine, a stern expression on his face. Beneath the hard surface, I could see the sadness in his eyes. "He's going to take her back to his ship," he said. He pressed his lips together in a thin line, breathing slowly through his nose. "And then he's taking her back to his planet. And we're never going to see her again."

It was like everything went silent. Rogers' face disappeared from sight as I fell back, landing roughly on the couch. I think I cried out, but I couldn't hear it. I couldn't hear anything around the shrill ringing in my ears, like a scream. I could feel the blood pounding in my veins, feel the dropping of my stomach all the way down to my toes. I don't know if I was crying. Maybe not. Not yet, anyway.

"Get her back." My voice was barely above a whisper. I could feel five pairs of eyes staring at me. I looked up; my vision was blurry. "We have to get her back."

I don't know if Rogers felt like he always had to be the bearer of bad news instead of letting Stark talk, but, regardless, it didn't stop him from sighing and saying, "We can't. I'm sorry."

I'm a grown man. Society says I'm supposed to be strong. I know I'm supposed to be strong. But no matter how many times I tell myself that I'm not supposed to show emotion and break down, I break down anyway. I've always hated myself for it.

I leaned my elbows on my knees and buried my face in my hands. I'm so sorry I couldn't stop you, Mo. I'm so, so sorry.