10. Freedom
"How did you manage to find us? And why did the Berber allow you to enter their village and rescue us? You were at war with them when we were taken from Wadi Halaf."
"As to finding you, some of the injured Berber we captured told us they came from Biri Barash, so it was reasonable to assume they would bring you here. My mother was a Berber, so I am familiar with the customs of her people. Lieutenant Fletcher and I rode into the village unarmed, so we were accepted as guests. The rest you do not need to concern yourself about."
I'm not certain how I should behave with Jaimy in front of Hassan. By rights I am Hassan's slave, so not at liberty to even talk to another man without his consent. But next morning I risk a conversation with Jaimy while Hassan isn't looking.
"Thank you for rescuing me," I say to Jaimy as we ride north to Wadi Halaf.
"Well, Hassan deserves most of the credit. But I insisted on coming along. He has rewarded Randall and I for our help in defending Wadi Halaf. He has passed his claim over Clarissa and you to Randall and I. Technically, you are our war prizes."
"I don't know if I like being traded like that. I hope you don't expect me to call you 'master'. What did Clarissa say?"
"Nothing I feel a gentleman should repeat. She wasn't very pleased. I can't understand either you. Your status is only for your protection here in Morocco, and once we are married you are free anyway."
My elation at being rescued starts to wane. I feel like I'm a just piece of property that's been traded between Hassan and Jaimy. I move my mount away from Jaimy and ride alone for a while.
"What troubles you this fine morning, Zakiyah?" asks Hassan coming alongside me.
"Is it true you've given me to Jaimy as a war prize? And Clarissa to Randall?"
"Unfortunately you all seem to have difficulty in understanding my gift. I simply acknowledge the help and bravery of Lieutenants Fletcher and Trevelyne in the defence of my home. The customs of my people require that I do. Your term 'war prize' is very appropriate. As a war prize you and Clarissa are elevated above the status of a slave, and for all intents and purposes are free women. I and your two lieutenants are your guardians and protectors, but we have no other claim over you."
"Does that mean I must leave Wadi Halaf? I had hoped to stay for a while longer. I can't return to America with the girls while the English Admiralty are still hunting for me. I know I'll miss the girls when they leave but I need time to sort out my future."
"You may stay at Wadi Halaf as my guest if you wish. What if I were to ask you to stay as my wife?" he asks out of the blue.
I'm stunned by his question. Hassan was quick enough to prevent Jaimy and I from being married at Biri Barash, so I guess Hassan's offer is serious. But is his real motive to have me work in his office and dance for his guests? Or perhaps to replace A'isha as housekeeper of Wadi Halaf when she gets married next month?
"Why would you want to do that?" I eventually reply.
"Because we are alike in many ways and I sense you are at a crossroads. You are wondering whether you should return to the dangers of your former life, or to stay in the comfort of my house, but as a servant. I am offering you a third choice."
Am I so transparent that he knows my inner thoughts? What's his game here? Does he genuinely want to help me, or is he seeking another conquest? A hundred questions flash through my mind but I know the answers to none.
"Do you love me?" I ask. The words are hardly out of my mouth when I wish I hadn't said them.
"Yes, I love you. To prove how much I do, when we return to Wadi Halaf I shall invite you to join me in my room one evening."
Oh, now what am I to do? I am so very uncertain …
After five days hard riding we arrive at Wadi Halaf to the joyous greetings. The signs of battle have been cleared, although the outer walls will show the pot marks from the Berber muskets for decades to come. Fortunately the loss of life is relatively small. None of the girls were hurt and Hassan's injured soldiers are recovering. It appears Helen, Rebecca and my capture was the end of the battle. The Berber raid had the simple aim of seizing some women to replace those killed by the Sultan's army at Biri Barash. They must have decided three captives were enough given the fierce resistance we all put up.
Rebecca and I are allowed to spend a few hours in the harem to bathe and refresh ourselves after our ordeal. All of the girls, A'isha included, come and join us. We catch up on the news from the other girls. As Hassan said, nearly all the ransoms have been paid and those girls will be freed and returned to America as soon as a suitable ship arrives in Salé.
As Helen knew, no ransom has arrived for her; nor for Sally or I as we both expected. Ransoms could not be raised for poor Annie and Sylvie, but I understand Clarissa has had a hand in securing their release. But she is very evasive when I ask how she achieved it.
I know Helen is happy with her new husband, and Sally is no stranger to Hassan's bed. She and Jasmina need have no worries about a secure future here with Hassan. As for me … I don't know.
I suddenly feel very uncertain. What of Jaimy? He asked me to marry him and I said yes; but I'm suddenly not so sure I wish to leave Wadi Halaf.
That evening, after the initial excitement of Rebecca's and my return to Wadi Halaf has passed, I sit on the verandah outside my room, quietly contemplating my future. Most of the girls are busy discussing what they will wear for their arrival back in Boston since, for most of them, their school uniforms are now too small. Clarissa comes and sits beside me.
"I'd thought you'd be busy packing," I say.
"No. I don't know if I'm returning with the other girls. Hasn't Hassan told you?"
"It seems to have slipped his mind. So what's happening to you? Surely your father has paid your ransom."
"Oh yes, the money arrived. But like you, I'm not Hassan's slave to ransom any more. I'm Randall's property."
"Oh that! Yes, Hassan told me. But I still don't see the problem. You and Randall were engaged before we were kidnapped. Surely he will be taking you back to America."
"I don't know. Randall has been very evasive about whether he and I will be leaving with the other girls. At first he said he was waiting for Jaimy to return to see if he succeeded in finding you. But now you're back safe and sound, he still won't tell me. I think he's enjoying his hold over me."
"Well, I'll ask Hassan and Jaimy in the morning. Don't worry, I'm sure it will turn out all right."
Clarissa's revelation puts a new light on my dilemma. I know enough about Moroccan customs by now to understand that a single woman must have a parent or relative to be responsible for her, or an owner if she's a slave. But Clarissa and I have no relatives here, so we must place ourselves under the protection of either Hassan or Randall and Jaimy. Their decision is final. Despite what Hassan said, we are free only in name.
"What about your ransom money?" I ask.
"Hassan handed that to Randall. Randall promised to settle matters with my parents although I suspect he was going to pocket the money. But I managed to persuade him to use the money to free Annie and Sylvie. Only a small part of their ransom money could be raised in America and the six month time limit has nearly run out. Hassan was going to return it and keep Annie and Sylvie here, but he agreed to accept my ransom money in settlement, and will free both of them with the others."
"That was very noble of you Clarissa. I'm proud of you."
"Well, there was a certain amount of self preservation involved. If Randall had kept the money after I had already been freed, my father would likely have strung Randall up to the nearest tree and shown him how cheats and robbers are treated in Virginia. At least this way we can return to America without Randall being lynched on arrival."
Any possibility that Hassan wasn't making a serious offer to me are dispelled after breakfast the next morning. Samed informs me that Hassan has invited me to his room tonight. I'm a free woman now, so I could refuse; and I should if I'm being faithful to Jaimy. But I don't. I want to find out what Hassan is offering.
A'isha helps me with the preparations after our afternoon dancing practice. Firstly a hair wash and long bath with plenty of perfumed soap. Once I am thoroughly clean I rub scented oils all over my body from my neck down, until my skin takes on a light sheen. Both Sally and A'isha help me with my hair. Then comes the make-up. Not too much as my youthful skin doesn't need disguising, just enough to highlight my features. The aroma from the oils and the perfume applied behind my ears makes me slightly dizzy.
At first glance the veils of my outfit appear to be a single piece of material, which gives the pretence of hiding my body from my neck to my ankles. The gauzy material is so fine that it in fact highlights rather than hides my feminine features. Nor is it a single piece of material. There is no part of my skin that cannot be touched by simply parting two pieces of the filmy fabric. I look in the mirror and am amazed at the graceful young woman I see.
I have a drink of water and some fruit. This is all I'm allowed to eat since I need to keep an appetite in case Hassan wishes to dine with me, but sufficient to avoid my stomach rumbling if he chooses to skip a meal.
All too soon Samed is taking me to the door which connects directly from the harem to Hassan's bedroom. Once through the door there is a short corridor with the door to his room at the other end. A chair is positioned by the door which Samed indicates I am to sit in until Hassan collects me. Samed then lights some incense on a small table besides the chair and leaves me to my fate.
The smell of the incense starts to toy with my senses. The tingling in my body heightens until the sensations coursing through my body reach fever pitch. I feel a pleasant warmth like being on the threshold of a dream; like a butterfly opening its wings for the first time. The warm sensations flow through my body. My heart and my breathing go faster. How much longer must I wait?
My body is taking control of my mind, and my mind makes one last valiant attempt at a rescue. It's the incense that's doing this! You're being seduced into surrendering your entire being! What about your promise to Jaimy? Just as my mind seems to be regaining some control, the door opens and Hassan walks towards me. I look at his torso and go weak at the knees. My heart misses a beat. Then my breathing and heart rate rapidly increase as I sink longingly into his eyes.
The next morning I feel different. I am different, I suppose. But I'm still a maiden. As passionate as our evening together was, he sensed I'm not yet ready to commit to him totally. What he demonstrated to me was the choice I must make.
On one hand there is Hassan, a skilful lover who can offer me comfort and security. But I would be only one wife among others; I would have to share his affections without complaint. But then, part of what I've enjoyed here in Morocco is the company of other girls in the harem. Not just those from the Lawson Peabody school, but Jasmina, A'isha and many others who were here when we arrived or have joined us since. And as his wife I would no longer be confined to Wadi Halaf.
On the other hand there is Jaimy. My former shipmate and a brave hero who has travelled half the world to rescue me. My first love, who has shared the dangers and excitement of much of my life since I escaped from the gutters of London. He has prospects of higher rank in the navy, and his parents are not without means. And I would be his only wife; no sharing him with others. However, there is the matter of the large reward for my hide to sort out. My musing is interrupted by Clarissa.
"Randall has finally confirmed he and I are returning with the other girls in two days time. A ship has arrived to take us all home. Isn't it great!"
A wave of relief and excitement overcomes me and I hug Clarissa and share the rejoicing that the welcome news brings to the other girls.
"What about you?" asks Clarissa.
I smile and for the first time I feel I know there is only one possible choice for me. I go to find Jaimy and Hassan to tell them of my decision.