Title: Shadows and Regrets
PART TEN
Dawn stood by the edge of the lake, simply staring out at the little wisps of fog that gently curled above the water. She heard Willow approaching but didn't turn around to face her. Crossing her arms more out of defiance than from being cold, Dawn tilted her head just a little more away from her so that Willow couldn't see her face. Willow pulled off her windbreaker and slipped it over Dawn's shoulders.
"I reached out to her. You know, telepathically. But she must be too far away," sighed Willow. Dawn ignored her.
"Dawn, she'll be okay."
"Will she? Faith doesn't know that it wasn't Buffy telling her those things. But she knew, right from the start she knew it wasn't her. And none of us would listen. We...we just all wanted it to be Buffy."
Dawn finally turned to face Willow and tried to stay angry but Willow saw how badly she was hurting.
"Willow, do you know what we did to Faith? Do you?" asked Dawn, her voice breaking.
"Not we, Dawnie. Me. It's my fault," said Willow, hugging her. Dawn hesitated but then threw her arms around Willow.
"So why are we helping this...Karen, or whoever she is? I say let her rot in the ground!"
Willow gently pulled away from Dawn and looked right into her eyes.
"You don't think I didn't consider that? But, well, Karen...she was desperate. And it's not like she was thinking of herself. The others..."
"Yeah. Whatever," snapped Dawn, looking away again.
Before Willow could answer her they noticed Anya stumbling towards them out of the woods, dragging the shovel behind her. Buffy was trailing behind, head down and every step an effort as if she were wading through water.
"Why did Anya want to go first?" whispered Dawn.
"Well, think about it. She witnessed a lot of pain and suffering during her demon days. Hell, she probably caused most of it. So if the experience is too much for her..."
"Then how would any of us get through it," nodded Dawn.
"Not us, Dawnie. I don't want you involved," said Willow.
"But..."
"Anya? Are you okay?" called Willow.
Anya looked up but didn't answer right away. Her face was pale. She dropped the shovel and, wiping tears from her eyes with one hand, glanced at Dawn but spoke to Willow. Tara quickly walked over to them from under the beech tree.
"Dawn can't do this," said Anya. "She can't."
"Can we?" asked Willow apprehensively. Anya hesitated, then nodded.
"I think so. You...to connect with them, you must feel what they felt. When they died. But to set them free, you have to let go of the grief. They need your anger then, not your pity. I guess that's how it works. Remember that. And keep calling out their name. Somehow it seems to keep the darkness away. It's, um, not very pleasant," winced Anya.
"I'm sorry," sighed Buffy. "There's no other way."
"Buffy...I mean, Karen...are you alright?" asked Willow.
"Yeah. Just tired. But I can't go, not yet. The night grows thin and I can't appear to you after sunrise. I just don't know if I could make it back in time," said Buffy, looking up at the stars. She turned towards Anya. "Thank you, Anya."
Anya gave a half-hearted smile and walked over to sit under the beech tree. Even from here they could hear her stifling a cry. Buffy looked first at Tara, then at Willow, wondering who would go next.
"I'll go," announced Willow. Buffy didn't smile, she simply nodded. Then she turned her head towards Dawn. Dawn quickly turned her back on her.
"Don't even look at me!" yelled Dawn. "You're not my sister."
"No. I'm not."
"So how do you know all this stuff about us?" sniffed Dawn, covering her mouth with a hand.
"I touched Buffy. Something happens...I, I can't explain it. Dawn, she was here. And I can draw things from you, from the others. I didn't mean to..."
"Well, you did!" barked Dawn, walking away to stand by the edge of the water again.
Willow sighed but didn't go over to comfort Dawn.
"Tara, we don't have much time. Stay with her while I'm gone," said Willow. Tara nodded.
"After you," said Willow, extending her hand towards the woods as she looked at Buffy. Willow glanced back once as she followed Buffy into the shadows.
"Love you too," whispered Tara to herself, staring after them.
*****
Faith kicked the double doors open and pulled Matthieu in after her. Pat pushed the doors shut and looked around. Three steps led up into the building and a wooden hand rail was bracketed into the wall to her left. She kicked the rail, splintering it free from the wall and quickly slid it through the door handles. Pat leaned up with one hand against the door and one hand pressed into her side, catching her breath.
"Pat?" said Faith.
"That won't hold them very long. Probably slow 'em down, though, buy us some time," said Pat through clenched teeth. She slid her hand down off the door and turned to face Faith.
"Pat, you're..."
"It's nothing," answered Pat.
Faith looked at the door behind Pat. There was a bloody handprint on the wood. She met Pat's eyes but Pat looked away.
"Let me see," said Faith.
"Hey, I'm fine. Bastard had a knife and I slipped in the sand. He got lucky, is all," shrugged Pat.
"And not to sound ungrateful, but if you hadn't been so worried about my ass he never would've stabbed you," said Matthieu.
"Um, he meant protecting his ass, Faith. I wasn't checking him out," laughed Pat, immediately wincing in pain.
Faith stepped over to her and gently pulled away Pat's hand from her side. Her shirt was bloody and even though the wound wasn't deep it was long and Faith could see the bone of a rib. Matthieu slipped off his leather jacket and pulled his T shirt over his head. He folded it into a square and pressed it against Pat's side, pushing her hand onto it.
"Come sit down and press this against it," said Matthieu. Pat reluctantly nodded and let Matthieu help her over to the first bench. They both looked back when they realized that Faith hadn't followed them.
"Faith?" called Matthieu.
Faith stood there, studying her surroundings.
"You okay?" asked Pat.
"I guess. I don't know, I'm a little uncomfortable here," winced Faith.
"Yeah, me too. Hey, I haven't been to church in years either. It's...oh, you mean uncomfortable in a different way," said Matthieu.
"Yeah. It's like I can't breathe," said Faith.
"Faith, you can't breathe," reminded Matthieu.
"Yeah...whatever. But it feels like I'm suffocating," said Faith absently. She looked past them down the center aisle of the church. A large wooden cross hung from the ceiling above the altar.
"Matthieu, go check the back door. Even if it's locked, prop a chair up against it or something. I'd go, but..." said Faith, glancing up at the cross.
"Sure," he answered, grabbing his jacket as he turned to go but hesitating in the dark.
"And no, you can't put any lights on," added Faith. "In fact, stay back there. Just yell if you hear anything."
"So I'm what, a watchdog?" he teased.
"Matthieu," warned Faith.
"I'm going," he laughed. Faith sat down next to Pat.
"I'm fine," complained Pat before Faith could say anything.
"Thanks. For looking out for him. Sorry it got you distracted," sighed Faith.
"No big. You know, that was a strange fight. When the second group caught up with us, it was like they were ignoring me and concentrating on you," said Pat. "You notice that?"
"Well, I was kinda busy at the time, what with me doing all the fighting. But yeah, that was strange. Didn't look like they planned it or anything," frowned Faith.
Matthieu checked the doors again, having wedged a metal folding chair across the push bars. And just in time. Someone, or something, was tugging at the outside handle trying to get in.
"Rut row," muttered Matthieu.
Just then the girls heard a loud crash from in back of the church.
"Stay!" barked Faith, already running down the aisle and avoiding looking up. By the time she reached Matthieu, Spike had already stood up. He glanced back at the stained glass lying about the floor.
"Never did care for that particular saint,' shrugged Spike. "Sorry 'bout the window."
"Spike, what the hell..."
"Save the small talk for later, Faith. Not sure why, but you're attracting the undead like honey to a bee," said Spike, brushing off his duster.
"Huh?"
"There's that word again. Look, I can't explain it. All I know is that I was drawn here like a, a...oh, sod it, I'm here, aren't I? It's like you're sending out a signal or something."
"Huh?"
Spike rolled his eyes.
"In here," said Spike, pointing to his head. "I can hear you, in here."
Faith's eyes opened wide.
"Willow! She must be doing a spell. But, why?" shrugged Faith.
"Guess she doesn't want you bothering her while she's...doing whatever she's doing," suggested Matthieu.
"People, let's get back inside before company arrives and grab some weapons," said Spike.
"Matthieu, there's a font by the altar. I'm sure there's holy water in it. See if you can find a cup or, or something you can..."
"Gotcha," he nodded, heading back.
"Pat's here," said Spike, a statement more than a question.
"Yeah. But she's hurt."
"So I smelled. Bad?" asked Spike.
"She can fight," replied Faith. "And you better go bust up a chair or two for stakes. We've got company."
*****
"Okay, Giles, have a seat here," said Xander, guiding Giles over to the sofa. He offered no resistance as Xander pushed him down.
"I've got to run upstairs, Giles. I'll only be a minute."
Giles stared blankly at the floor in front of him as if Xander wasn't even in the room.
"You need anything?" asked Xander.
Giles didn't even blink. Xander sighed and turned for the stairs.
"I'm going to be famous."
Xander turned back, more confused than worried now.
"What's that?" said Xander.
"Think about it. Oh, sure, every Watcher eventually loses their Slayer. Not exactly unexpected, you know. And then they just...fade away...forgotten. You see, we're expected to fail," laughed Giles, still staring at nothing.
"Giles..."
"Ah, but to lose two Slayers! That takes some considerable doing, you see. No, they won't soon forget the name of Rupert Giles anytime soon," smiled Giles. "No indeed."
Xander knelt down beside him and awkwardly put a hand on his arm.
"Giles, you didn't lose Faith. She's tough. Besides, it's not like you lied to her. Karen did and we all thought it was Buffy. We needed it to be her," said Xander soothingly. Giles slowly turned his head and looked at Xander's hand on his arm. He looked up, even more confused and lost than before.
"But I did. I did. I made her cry," winced Giles.
"Why don't you lay down, try to get some sleep?" suggested Xander with a smile. Giles lowered his head and stared at the floor again. Xander stood up, shaking his head.
"Oh, Faith, what have I done?" whispered Giles.
"I'll be right back," promised Xander, reluctant to leave. Again Giles didn't seem to hear him.
*****
The vampire exploded into ash before her. Faith spun, looking for another, but the were alone for the moment. And then she heard them pounding at the front door.
"Spike, I'm taking this fight outside. It's me they want."
"You can't go out there alone!" yelled Pat.
"She won't be alone," answered Spike, running to join her. "You're holding your own, Slayer, but you're hurt. Now do as you're told!"
Faith looked at Matthieu. He knew better than to argue.
"Don't worry, I'll protect her," said Matthieu, nodding towards Pat. Faith smiled.
"Go already!" snapped Pat, rolling her eyes.
Faith stepped through the broken window and Spike followed her. Back to back they moved cautiously through a small cemetery that ran alongside the church. Two vampires, both young girls, came running around the side of the church, both coming straight for Faith. Spike stepped out in front to cut one of them off and she tried to run around him, not even looking at him.
Spike simply stuck his arm out and the girl ran into it, immediately being dropped onto her back. She was staked before she could lift her head off the ground.
The other vampire ran straight at Faith and, enraged, tried to tackle her. Faith ducked and flipped the girl over her shoulders. She landed on her back right across the top of a tombstone. Writhing on the ground in pain, the vampire couldn't defend herself and was easily staked.
"This has been one hell of a party, but despite all the fun I'm having it's beginning to get old!" yelled Spike.
Faith nodded in agreement. She and Spike then looked at one another, hearing a noise. Looking down, the saw the grass behind Faith begin to move.
"That's an old grave for a vampire to rise from, isn't it?" asked Faith, stake ready in her hand.
"Too old," replied Spike, staring at the ground.
As they expected, first one hand and then another broke free from the earth. It pulled itself free and opened its mouth but no sound came forth from the desiccated skull. Faith raised her stake but Spike grabbed her arm.
"It's not a vampire," he warned. With a deliberate kick he smashed the skull free from its body. And still the corpse clawed its way towards them.
"That's it! Next time I see Red I'm gonna smack that witch upside her head!" shouted Faith.
"Come on, let's get back inside," said Spike, pulling on her arm.
Faith ran ahead of Spike and was almost splashed with holy water by Matthieu. She smiled at his embarrassment.
"Okay, time for plan B. Willow's spell makes me the center of attention so I want you two to get back to Matthieu's bike and get outta Dodge. Find Willow and let her know she's gotta end this mojo. Spike and I can keep them at bay until dawn," said Faith.
"We can?" whined Spike, ignoring Faith's glare. Pat and Matthieu looked at one another.
"Hey, we're not voting on this. There's a lull in the action so get while the gettin is good," warned Faith. "How's the wound?"
"Not even bleeding anymore," lied Pat. "Come on, Matthieu, I can tell when we're not wanted."
Matthieu hesitated. And then Faith walked over to him and, on tiptoe, kissed him.
"Time's wasting. You and me, tomorrow night. I'll make all this up to you. I promise," winked Faith.
"I'll hold you to that. And don't worry about Pat, I'll keep an eye on her," smiled Matthieu.
Faith stepped outside with them and watched until they disappeared from view.
*****
Xander bounded up the stairs two at a time, then slapped his forehead and ran back into the kitchen to get a knife. He glanced at Giles as he went past but the Watcher was as he had left him, just staring out at nothing. Giles' lips were moving but no words came out. Shaking his head, Xander made it to Dawn's room and easily found the leather piece on the bed.
Tossing it onto the floor, Xander cut cleanly through the hide with the knife. The room seemed somehow not as cold as a moment before. He smiled and ran from the room, leaving the knife on the floor.
"Giles? Hey, I have to get back to the others, okay? They need my help. I'll be back as fast as I can. Just...sit," said Xander. He wasn't sure but Giles may have nodded. Xander shook his head again and slammed the door shut behind him as he left.
Giles sat there for a moment, hearing the car start up and then drive off. He stood up, looking around as if he just remembered where he was.
Giles didn't slam the door when he left. He just shut it quietly.
*****
Spike and Faith sat on the front steps of the church. It was quiet. Too quiet.
"Maybe we should start walking back," said Faith. "Looks like we're fresh out of vampires."
Spike stared at her, then squinted at her.
"What?" asked Faith.
"I can't...I mean, I'm not drawn to you anymore. The spell...I don't think it just ended, but it kind of faded away, you know?" said Spike.
"So to another passing vampire I'm...just another passing vampire. No heartbeat," smiled Faith. Her smile quickly faded.
"Heartbeats. If they were drawn here...Spike, we should've heard that motorcycle by now!" yelled Faith, running before Spike even realized she had stood.
"Bloody hell," muttered Spike as he tried to catch up with her.
*****
Willow emerged from woods alone, not even carrying the shovel. Tara ran to her and caught her as she stumbled. Willow's face was pale and her eyes were once again black.
"Willow, are you...oh, honey. Your eyes," winced Tara.
"My...oh. Sorry. That was...intense," swallowed Willow. "I'm okay, Tara."
Dawn and Anya ran over to them.
"There were two. In the same grave. A, a couple, I think. No, I know. They were together," nodded Willow. "But I freed them both. You don't just experience their death. You know them, become them, know what they'll never have."
Willow looked down and shook her head.
"Where's Buf...I mean, Karen?" asked Anya.
"I left her there. I think she's too tired to move, if that makes sense. She's easier to see through now. The girl's name was Ashley. She, she said she smelled apple pie, just before she left. And she smiled for me," said Willow, smiling herself before beginning to cry. She buried her face in Tara's shoulder.
They heard footsteps running towards them and looked up to see Xander, panting for breath.
"Come on, Xander. There's only three left. And we don't have much time," sighed Tara.
*****
Even before the made it back to the beach they saw Pat running towards them.
"Faith! He's on the beach. I'm taking the bike. I'll get help," said Pat, painfully holding her side and out of breath.
Faith just stood there, staring past her, not moving, not blinking.
"What happened?" demanded Spike.
"There were three of them. I killed two but...they had weapons. Matthieu, he...he did kill the last one," winced Pat, looking down at the blood on her hand. "Spike, there's no time for this! I gotta go!"
Spike reached out and grabbed her arm as she tried to go.
"Spike, what are you..."
"You're right. There's no time," he whispered.
Pat looked at him and then watched as Faith began to slowly walk away.
"We can hear his heartbeat, remember?" said Spike.
"No," gasped Pat, shaking her head. "Faith, wait!"
Faith stopped but didn't turn around.
"Faith, I'm sorry. I did everything I could. I tried," cried Pat.
"I know. It's not your fault," answered Faith flatly, her voice tiny.
"Faith, it will be light soon," reminded Spike. Faith simply nodded.
"Faith, you're not going to..."
Pat didn't finish, feeling Spike grip her arm tighter.
"We'll leave you the bike. That'll buy you some more time. Faith. Don't do anything stupid," said Spike. Faith turned her head to face them.
"Too late. I already have," she smiled. And then she walked away from them.
"Spike, you don't think she'll..."
"She'll what? Wait for the sun? I haven't a clue. Let's just leave them alone, shall we? It's not our decision."
Spike looked at her, inhaling the sweet smell of her blood.
"Can you walk?" he asked.
"Yeah," nodded Pat. "Let's go. But you try to lick my hand and you won't be able to walk."
Spike didn't smile. He looked up at Pat and nodded.
"Pat, it's a long walk and we'd better get going," said Spike, looking up at the sky. "Need to get you to a hospital. If you need some help along the way, you don't have to ask."
Pat stared at him for a moment, shocked at him even using her name.
"Thank you," she nodded.
"Hey, it doesn't mean I'm going to carry you the whole bleedin' way," snapped Spike. Pat smiled. Looking back over her shoulder, they left Faith alone with Matthieu.
*****
"What's taking them so long!" complained Anya, pacing back and forth. Dawn and Willow just looked at her helplessly.
"Anya, they'll be back soon," tried Willow.
"I can't stand it! I didn't take this long and, and neither did you! Maybe Xander's in trouble. Maybe...oh, I don't want wait any longer. I'm going to find him," said Anya.
"Anya, no! Anya!"
Willow went running after Anya, leaving Dawn all alone. It only took a moment for her to realize just how alone she was. Dawn slowly turned, looking at the woods around her, listening...and coming face to face with Buffy. Startled, she jumped but didn't cry out. Buffy was fading, barely visible.
"It's over. The others can rest now," said Buffy, her voice sounding distant.
"Over? But there's one more grave. Hey, it's your grave!" said Dawn..
"Yes, but you'll never find it. I have to go now Dawn. I just wanted to tell you, to try to make you understand how sorry I am. I, I needed your help. But that's not good enough. I know now that they would've helped me. I lied to Willow. But what I did to Giles...no, that's unforgivable."
"Giles? What did you do? Karen, what did you do?" asked Dawn anxiously.
"I made him feel the hatred I held for the thing that killed me. The thing that Faith is. I couldn't see past that. He believed my lies and he trusted me...because he thought I was Buffy. I'm sorry. Those words can't make up for what I've done."
"So you're going to punish yourself by not letting us help you?" asked Dawn. Buffy stared at her a moment, looking like she might cry.
"I believe your sister is at peace, Dawn. She's not in pain. Take comfort in that."
"No, Karen, don't go! Please!"
Buffy faded away. Dawn was alone.
*****
"Oh, Matthieu! What the hell did you think you were doing?" winced Faith as she knelt down beside him.
"Bitch snuck up behind me," gasped Matthieu, both hands clutching a wooden stake protruding out from his ribcage. There was blood everywhere. Too much blood.
"No," whimpered Faith, shaking her head.
"Hey, it's okay...I dusted her...turned around and tackled her...she went for my neck and I hugged her...should've seen the expression on her face," smiled Matthieu.
Faith didn't hear a word of what he was saying but clung to the sound of his voice.
"Impaled on her own stake," laughed Matthieu. His laughter broke into weak coughing and his eyes closed tightly in pain.
Faith gently eased his head into her lap.
"Guess this doesn't look good, huh?" whispered Matthieu, not opening his eyes.
"It's okay, Matthieu. I'm here. I won't...I won't leave you. I'm here," repeated Faith, fighting back tears as she ran her hand through his hair.
Matthieu opened his eyes and stared unfocused at Faith's face.
"Faith, I'm...am I going to die?" he asked calmly.
Faith barely nodded.
"Your heartbeat, it's, it's too weak. You've lost too much blood. Oh, Matthieu, I told you this would happen. I told you..."
"Hey. It's not your fault. It was my choice. Mine!"
"But you didn't know. You had no idea what you were getting into," protested Faith, tears now running down her cheeks.
"Faith, listen to me..."
"It is my fault! It is!" yelled Faith. "You can't trust people. I shoulda learned that by now. Giles...Willow...me."
"You?"
"I, I promised to protect you. I did. And look!"
"Faith!" said Matthieu loudly, too weak to yell and wincing with the effort.
He had her attention now.
"We can still be together. You know..."
Matthieu swallowed before he continued.
"You know what you have to do."
Faith visibly stiffened.
"No. No, you have no idea what you are asking of me!"
"Yes, I do. I'll be like you. Why..."
"No, you won't!" yelled Faith, sliding his head onto the ground and inching away from him.
"But..."
"No! I can't change you. Not the way you think," whispered Faith, her eyes pleading.
Matthieu knotted his eyebrows together, not understanding.
"The vampire that turned me, he had a soul."
"And so do you," countered Matthieu.
"But if I turned you...Matthieu, you wouldn't have a soul. I don't have that ability. You would be just another demon, like the things we kill. Worse yet...even worse, I would lose my soul if I turned you. Please, don't ask me to do this," begged Faith.
"How can you be sure? And, and even if it were true, we'd be together, you and I. Spike doesn't have a soul...and he's okay, right? Faith...do you love me?" asked Matthieu, letting go of the stake and trying to rise up on his elbows.
"I do," sniffed Faith. "And that's why I can't help you. I can't."
Matthieu gave up trying to get up and collapsed onto his back. Faith looked up at the sky then knelt beside him and gently slipped her arms under him.
"Let's get you back to that church, okay? That way I can stay with you," comforted Faith. She had barely lifted him when he screamed out in agony. Faith eased him back down onto the sand.
"Damn. I'm sorry, Matty. I shouldn't have...oh, damn it!" whispered Faith. She cupped his face in her hands. It took almost a minute before he could speak again.
"Faith, you're going to be all alone. Is that what you want?" gasped Matthieu.
"I've always been alone. Always."
"Faith...I don't want to die. I'm, I'm scared," whispered Matthieu, tears in his eyes now.
"I know. Been there, done that," laughed Faith, immediately beginning to cry.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you to..."
He didn't finish what he was going to say. Faith was sobbing, her body shaking.
"You'd better go. It will be light soon," sighed Matthieu.
"No. No, I'll stay," said Faith, reaching out and grabbing his hand.
"Faith, it doesn't hurt as much. But the sun will rise before I'm dead."
He tried to grip her hand tightly but she barely felt his feeble attempt.
"I, I don't want you to be alone," cried Faith painfully. "No one should be alone."
Matthieu smiled.
"Then take my blood."
Faith looked at him and glanced up at the sky again.
"That's the way I'd like to go...in your arms. Please, Faith...you said you loved me...something...something to remember me by. And I won't...be...alone."
Matthieu lay his head back. His eyes stared vacantly outward, unfocused. Faith quickly leaned forward and kissed him hard on the lips. But he didn't respond. His heartbeat still echoed in her ears as Faith's face morphed into the animal that she was. Her lips trembling on his, she pulled away and quickly bit into his neck before she could change her mind.
Any passion, any pleasure that the moment should've brought was lost in the overwhelming pain Faith felt. It was over. She pulled away, eyes closed, her body shaking. Hugging him one last time, not once looking upon Matthieu's still face, she wondered what would happen if she forced him to drink from her. More than wondered. Faith was tempted.
"Spike doesn't have a soul...and he's okay, right? Faith...do you love me?"
Matthieu's words haunted her. Slowly she raised her hands, bloody and trembling, and covered her face. Faith felt more than alone. Faith was scared, terrified of what was going to happen next.
*****
Spike was making his way back to his crypt when he stopped and looked around the cemetery as if he had heard something. No, as if he had sensed something. Even before he got to her grave he suspected what he might find.
Giles was asleep, curled up into a fetal position on Buffy's grave. An empty bottle lay off to one side. Spike sadly shook his head, glancing towards the eastern horizon. He knelt down beside Giles and shook his shoulder but got no response.
"Come on, Rupert, you'll have to sleep this one off with me. No time to get you home now," said Spike, lifting Giles up in his arms.
"You know, we have to stop meeting like this. People will talk. Mind you, I have a reputation to think of."
END OF PART TEN
PART TEN
Dawn stood by the edge of the lake, simply staring out at the little wisps of fog that gently curled above the water. She heard Willow approaching but didn't turn around to face her. Crossing her arms more out of defiance than from being cold, Dawn tilted her head just a little more away from her so that Willow couldn't see her face. Willow pulled off her windbreaker and slipped it over Dawn's shoulders.
"I reached out to her. You know, telepathically. But she must be too far away," sighed Willow. Dawn ignored her.
"Dawn, she'll be okay."
"Will she? Faith doesn't know that it wasn't Buffy telling her those things. But she knew, right from the start she knew it wasn't her. And none of us would listen. We...we just all wanted it to be Buffy."
Dawn finally turned to face Willow and tried to stay angry but Willow saw how badly she was hurting.
"Willow, do you know what we did to Faith? Do you?" asked Dawn, her voice breaking.
"Not we, Dawnie. Me. It's my fault," said Willow, hugging her. Dawn hesitated but then threw her arms around Willow.
"So why are we helping this...Karen, or whoever she is? I say let her rot in the ground!"
Willow gently pulled away from Dawn and looked right into her eyes.
"You don't think I didn't consider that? But, well, Karen...she was desperate. And it's not like she was thinking of herself. The others..."
"Yeah. Whatever," snapped Dawn, looking away again.
Before Willow could answer her they noticed Anya stumbling towards them out of the woods, dragging the shovel behind her. Buffy was trailing behind, head down and every step an effort as if she were wading through water.
"Why did Anya want to go first?" whispered Dawn.
"Well, think about it. She witnessed a lot of pain and suffering during her demon days. Hell, she probably caused most of it. So if the experience is too much for her..."
"Then how would any of us get through it," nodded Dawn.
"Not us, Dawnie. I don't want you involved," said Willow.
"But..."
"Anya? Are you okay?" called Willow.
Anya looked up but didn't answer right away. Her face was pale. She dropped the shovel and, wiping tears from her eyes with one hand, glanced at Dawn but spoke to Willow. Tara quickly walked over to them from under the beech tree.
"Dawn can't do this," said Anya. "She can't."
"Can we?" asked Willow apprehensively. Anya hesitated, then nodded.
"I think so. You...to connect with them, you must feel what they felt. When they died. But to set them free, you have to let go of the grief. They need your anger then, not your pity. I guess that's how it works. Remember that. And keep calling out their name. Somehow it seems to keep the darkness away. It's, um, not very pleasant," winced Anya.
"I'm sorry," sighed Buffy. "There's no other way."
"Buffy...I mean, Karen...are you alright?" asked Willow.
"Yeah. Just tired. But I can't go, not yet. The night grows thin and I can't appear to you after sunrise. I just don't know if I could make it back in time," said Buffy, looking up at the stars. She turned towards Anya. "Thank you, Anya."
Anya gave a half-hearted smile and walked over to sit under the beech tree. Even from here they could hear her stifling a cry. Buffy looked first at Tara, then at Willow, wondering who would go next.
"I'll go," announced Willow. Buffy didn't smile, she simply nodded. Then she turned her head towards Dawn. Dawn quickly turned her back on her.
"Don't even look at me!" yelled Dawn. "You're not my sister."
"No. I'm not."
"So how do you know all this stuff about us?" sniffed Dawn, covering her mouth with a hand.
"I touched Buffy. Something happens...I, I can't explain it. Dawn, she was here. And I can draw things from you, from the others. I didn't mean to..."
"Well, you did!" barked Dawn, walking away to stand by the edge of the water again.
Willow sighed but didn't go over to comfort Dawn.
"Tara, we don't have much time. Stay with her while I'm gone," said Willow. Tara nodded.
"After you," said Willow, extending her hand towards the woods as she looked at Buffy. Willow glanced back once as she followed Buffy into the shadows.
"Love you too," whispered Tara to herself, staring after them.
*****
Faith kicked the double doors open and pulled Matthieu in after her. Pat pushed the doors shut and looked around. Three steps led up into the building and a wooden hand rail was bracketed into the wall to her left. She kicked the rail, splintering it free from the wall and quickly slid it through the door handles. Pat leaned up with one hand against the door and one hand pressed into her side, catching her breath.
"Pat?" said Faith.
"That won't hold them very long. Probably slow 'em down, though, buy us some time," said Pat through clenched teeth. She slid her hand down off the door and turned to face Faith.
"Pat, you're..."
"It's nothing," answered Pat.
Faith looked at the door behind Pat. There was a bloody handprint on the wood. She met Pat's eyes but Pat looked away.
"Let me see," said Faith.
"Hey, I'm fine. Bastard had a knife and I slipped in the sand. He got lucky, is all," shrugged Pat.
"And not to sound ungrateful, but if you hadn't been so worried about my ass he never would've stabbed you," said Matthieu.
"Um, he meant protecting his ass, Faith. I wasn't checking him out," laughed Pat, immediately wincing in pain.
Faith stepped over to her and gently pulled away Pat's hand from her side. Her shirt was bloody and even though the wound wasn't deep it was long and Faith could see the bone of a rib. Matthieu slipped off his leather jacket and pulled his T shirt over his head. He folded it into a square and pressed it against Pat's side, pushing her hand onto it.
"Come sit down and press this against it," said Matthieu. Pat reluctantly nodded and let Matthieu help her over to the first bench. They both looked back when they realized that Faith hadn't followed them.
"Faith?" called Matthieu.
Faith stood there, studying her surroundings.
"You okay?" asked Pat.
"I guess. I don't know, I'm a little uncomfortable here," winced Faith.
"Yeah, me too. Hey, I haven't been to church in years either. It's...oh, you mean uncomfortable in a different way," said Matthieu.
"Yeah. It's like I can't breathe," said Faith.
"Faith, you can't breathe," reminded Matthieu.
"Yeah...whatever. But it feels like I'm suffocating," said Faith absently. She looked past them down the center aisle of the church. A large wooden cross hung from the ceiling above the altar.
"Matthieu, go check the back door. Even if it's locked, prop a chair up against it or something. I'd go, but..." said Faith, glancing up at the cross.
"Sure," he answered, grabbing his jacket as he turned to go but hesitating in the dark.
"And no, you can't put any lights on," added Faith. "In fact, stay back there. Just yell if you hear anything."
"So I'm what, a watchdog?" he teased.
"Matthieu," warned Faith.
"I'm going," he laughed. Faith sat down next to Pat.
"I'm fine," complained Pat before Faith could say anything.
"Thanks. For looking out for him. Sorry it got you distracted," sighed Faith.
"No big. You know, that was a strange fight. When the second group caught up with us, it was like they were ignoring me and concentrating on you," said Pat. "You notice that?"
"Well, I was kinda busy at the time, what with me doing all the fighting. But yeah, that was strange. Didn't look like they planned it or anything," frowned Faith.
Matthieu checked the doors again, having wedged a metal folding chair across the push bars. And just in time. Someone, or something, was tugging at the outside handle trying to get in.
"Rut row," muttered Matthieu.
Just then the girls heard a loud crash from in back of the church.
"Stay!" barked Faith, already running down the aisle and avoiding looking up. By the time she reached Matthieu, Spike had already stood up. He glanced back at the stained glass lying about the floor.
"Never did care for that particular saint,' shrugged Spike. "Sorry 'bout the window."
"Spike, what the hell..."
"Save the small talk for later, Faith. Not sure why, but you're attracting the undead like honey to a bee," said Spike, brushing off his duster.
"Huh?"
"There's that word again. Look, I can't explain it. All I know is that I was drawn here like a, a...oh, sod it, I'm here, aren't I? It's like you're sending out a signal or something."
"Huh?"
Spike rolled his eyes.
"In here," said Spike, pointing to his head. "I can hear you, in here."
Faith's eyes opened wide.
"Willow! She must be doing a spell. But, why?" shrugged Faith.
"Guess she doesn't want you bothering her while she's...doing whatever she's doing," suggested Matthieu.
"People, let's get back inside before company arrives and grab some weapons," said Spike.
"Matthieu, there's a font by the altar. I'm sure there's holy water in it. See if you can find a cup or, or something you can..."
"Gotcha," he nodded, heading back.
"Pat's here," said Spike, a statement more than a question.
"Yeah. But she's hurt."
"So I smelled. Bad?" asked Spike.
"She can fight," replied Faith. "And you better go bust up a chair or two for stakes. We've got company."
*****
"Okay, Giles, have a seat here," said Xander, guiding Giles over to the sofa. He offered no resistance as Xander pushed him down.
"I've got to run upstairs, Giles. I'll only be a minute."
Giles stared blankly at the floor in front of him as if Xander wasn't even in the room.
"You need anything?" asked Xander.
Giles didn't even blink. Xander sighed and turned for the stairs.
"I'm going to be famous."
Xander turned back, more confused than worried now.
"What's that?" said Xander.
"Think about it. Oh, sure, every Watcher eventually loses their Slayer. Not exactly unexpected, you know. And then they just...fade away...forgotten. You see, we're expected to fail," laughed Giles, still staring at nothing.
"Giles..."
"Ah, but to lose two Slayers! That takes some considerable doing, you see. No, they won't soon forget the name of Rupert Giles anytime soon," smiled Giles. "No indeed."
Xander knelt down beside him and awkwardly put a hand on his arm.
"Giles, you didn't lose Faith. She's tough. Besides, it's not like you lied to her. Karen did and we all thought it was Buffy. We needed it to be her," said Xander soothingly. Giles slowly turned his head and looked at Xander's hand on his arm. He looked up, even more confused and lost than before.
"But I did. I did. I made her cry," winced Giles.
"Why don't you lay down, try to get some sleep?" suggested Xander with a smile. Giles lowered his head and stared at the floor again. Xander stood up, shaking his head.
"Oh, Faith, what have I done?" whispered Giles.
"I'll be right back," promised Xander, reluctant to leave. Again Giles didn't seem to hear him.
*****
The vampire exploded into ash before her. Faith spun, looking for another, but the were alone for the moment. And then she heard them pounding at the front door.
"Spike, I'm taking this fight outside. It's me they want."
"You can't go out there alone!" yelled Pat.
"She won't be alone," answered Spike, running to join her. "You're holding your own, Slayer, but you're hurt. Now do as you're told!"
Faith looked at Matthieu. He knew better than to argue.
"Don't worry, I'll protect her," said Matthieu, nodding towards Pat. Faith smiled.
"Go already!" snapped Pat, rolling her eyes.
Faith stepped through the broken window and Spike followed her. Back to back they moved cautiously through a small cemetery that ran alongside the church. Two vampires, both young girls, came running around the side of the church, both coming straight for Faith. Spike stepped out in front to cut one of them off and she tried to run around him, not even looking at him.
Spike simply stuck his arm out and the girl ran into it, immediately being dropped onto her back. She was staked before she could lift her head off the ground.
The other vampire ran straight at Faith and, enraged, tried to tackle her. Faith ducked and flipped the girl over her shoulders. She landed on her back right across the top of a tombstone. Writhing on the ground in pain, the vampire couldn't defend herself and was easily staked.
"This has been one hell of a party, but despite all the fun I'm having it's beginning to get old!" yelled Spike.
Faith nodded in agreement. She and Spike then looked at one another, hearing a noise. Looking down, the saw the grass behind Faith begin to move.
"That's an old grave for a vampire to rise from, isn't it?" asked Faith, stake ready in her hand.
"Too old," replied Spike, staring at the ground.
As they expected, first one hand and then another broke free from the earth. It pulled itself free and opened its mouth but no sound came forth from the desiccated skull. Faith raised her stake but Spike grabbed her arm.
"It's not a vampire," he warned. With a deliberate kick he smashed the skull free from its body. And still the corpse clawed its way towards them.
"That's it! Next time I see Red I'm gonna smack that witch upside her head!" shouted Faith.
"Come on, let's get back inside," said Spike, pulling on her arm.
Faith ran ahead of Spike and was almost splashed with holy water by Matthieu. She smiled at his embarrassment.
"Okay, time for plan B. Willow's spell makes me the center of attention so I want you two to get back to Matthieu's bike and get outta Dodge. Find Willow and let her know she's gotta end this mojo. Spike and I can keep them at bay until dawn," said Faith.
"We can?" whined Spike, ignoring Faith's glare. Pat and Matthieu looked at one another.
"Hey, we're not voting on this. There's a lull in the action so get while the gettin is good," warned Faith. "How's the wound?"
"Not even bleeding anymore," lied Pat. "Come on, Matthieu, I can tell when we're not wanted."
Matthieu hesitated. And then Faith walked over to him and, on tiptoe, kissed him.
"Time's wasting. You and me, tomorrow night. I'll make all this up to you. I promise," winked Faith.
"I'll hold you to that. And don't worry about Pat, I'll keep an eye on her," smiled Matthieu.
Faith stepped outside with them and watched until they disappeared from view.
*****
Xander bounded up the stairs two at a time, then slapped his forehead and ran back into the kitchen to get a knife. He glanced at Giles as he went past but the Watcher was as he had left him, just staring out at nothing. Giles' lips were moving but no words came out. Shaking his head, Xander made it to Dawn's room and easily found the leather piece on the bed.
Tossing it onto the floor, Xander cut cleanly through the hide with the knife. The room seemed somehow not as cold as a moment before. He smiled and ran from the room, leaving the knife on the floor.
"Giles? Hey, I have to get back to the others, okay? They need my help. I'll be back as fast as I can. Just...sit," said Xander. He wasn't sure but Giles may have nodded. Xander shook his head again and slammed the door shut behind him as he left.
Giles sat there for a moment, hearing the car start up and then drive off. He stood up, looking around as if he just remembered where he was.
Giles didn't slam the door when he left. He just shut it quietly.
*****
Spike and Faith sat on the front steps of the church. It was quiet. Too quiet.
"Maybe we should start walking back," said Faith. "Looks like we're fresh out of vampires."
Spike stared at her, then squinted at her.
"What?" asked Faith.
"I can't...I mean, I'm not drawn to you anymore. The spell...I don't think it just ended, but it kind of faded away, you know?" said Spike.
"So to another passing vampire I'm...just another passing vampire. No heartbeat," smiled Faith. Her smile quickly faded.
"Heartbeats. If they were drawn here...Spike, we should've heard that motorcycle by now!" yelled Faith, running before Spike even realized she had stood.
"Bloody hell," muttered Spike as he tried to catch up with her.
*****
Willow emerged from woods alone, not even carrying the shovel. Tara ran to her and caught her as she stumbled. Willow's face was pale and her eyes were once again black.
"Willow, are you...oh, honey. Your eyes," winced Tara.
"My...oh. Sorry. That was...intense," swallowed Willow. "I'm okay, Tara."
Dawn and Anya ran over to them.
"There were two. In the same grave. A, a couple, I think. No, I know. They were together," nodded Willow. "But I freed them both. You don't just experience their death. You know them, become them, know what they'll never have."
Willow looked down and shook her head.
"Where's Buf...I mean, Karen?" asked Anya.
"I left her there. I think she's too tired to move, if that makes sense. She's easier to see through now. The girl's name was Ashley. She, she said she smelled apple pie, just before she left. And she smiled for me," said Willow, smiling herself before beginning to cry. She buried her face in Tara's shoulder.
They heard footsteps running towards them and looked up to see Xander, panting for breath.
"Come on, Xander. There's only three left. And we don't have much time," sighed Tara.
*****
Even before the made it back to the beach they saw Pat running towards them.
"Faith! He's on the beach. I'm taking the bike. I'll get help," said Pat, painfully holding her side and out of breath.
Faith just stood there, staring past her, not moving, not blinking.
"What happened?" demanded Spike.
"There were three of them. I killed two but...they had weapons. Matthieu, he...he did kill the last one," winced Pat, looking down at the blood on her hand. "Spike, there's no time for this! I gotta go!"
Spike reached out and grabbed her arm as she tried to go.
"Spike, what are you..."
"You're right. There's no time," he whispered.
Pat looked at him and then watched as Faith began to slowly walk away.
"We can hear his heartbeat, remember?" said Spike.
"No," gasped Pat, shaking her head. "Faith, wait!"
Faith stopped but didn't turn around.
"Faith, I'm sorry. I did everything I could. I tried," cried Pat.
"I know. It's not your fault," answered Faith flatly, her voice tiny.
"Faith, it will be light soon," reminded Spike. Faith simply nodded.
"Faith, you're not going to..."
Pat didn't finish, feeling Spike grip her arm tighter.
"We'll leave you the bike. That'll buy you some more time. Faith. Don't do anything stupid," said Spike. Faith turned her head to face them.
"Too late. I already have," she smiled. And then she walked away from them.
"Spike, you don't think she'll..."
"She'll what? Wait for the sun? I haven't a clue. Let's just leave them alone, shall we? It's not our decision."
Spike looked at her, inhaling the sweet smell of her blood.
"Can you walk?" he asked.
"Yeah," nodded Pat. "Let's go. But you try to lick my hand and you won't be able to walk."
Spike didn't smile. He looked up at Pat and nodded.
"Pat, it's a long walk and we'd better get going," said Spike, looking up at the sky. "Need to get you to a hospital. If you need some help along the way, you don't have to ask."
Pat stared at him for a moment, shocked at him even using her name.
"Thank you," she nodded.
"Hey, it doesn't mean I'm going to carry you the whole bleedin' way," snapped Spike. Pat smiled. Looking back over her shoulder, they left Faith alone with Matthieu.
*****
"What's taking them so long!" complained Anya, pacing back and forth. Dawn and Willow just looked at her helplessly.
"Anya, they'll be back soon," tried Willow.
"I can't stand it! I didn't take this long and, and neither did you! Maybe Xander's in trouble. Maybe...oh, I don't want wait any longer. I'm going to find him," said Anya.
"Anya, no! Anya!"
Willow went running after Anya, leaving Dawn all alone. It only took a moment for her to realize just how alone she was. Dawn slowly turned, looking at the woods around her, listening...and coming face to face with Buffy. Startled, she jumped but didn't cry out. Buffy was fading, barely visible.
"It's over. The others can rest now," said Buffy, her voice sounding distant.
"Over? But there's one more grave. Hey, it's your grave!" said Dawn..
"Yes, but you'll never find it. I have to go now Dawn. I just wanted to tell you, to try to make you understand how sorry I am. I, I needed your help. But that's not good enough. I know now that they would've helped me. I lied to Willow. But what I did to Giles...no, that's unforgivable."
"Giles? What did you do? Karen, what did you do?" asked Dawn anxiously.
"I made him feel the hatred I held for the thing that killed me. The thing that Faith is. I couldn't see past that. He believed my lies and he trusted me...because he thought I was Buffy. I'm sorry. Those words can't make up for what I've done."
"So you're going to punish yourself by not letting us help you?" asked Dawn. Buffy stared at her a moment, looking like she might cry.
"I believe your sister is at peace, Dawn. She's not in pain. Take comfort in that."
"No, Karen, don't go! Please!"
Buffy faded away. Dawn was alone.
*****
"Oh, Matthieu! What the hell did you think you were doing?" winced Faith as she knelt down beside him.
"Bitch snuck up behind me," gasped Matthieu, both hands clutching a wooden stake protruding out from his ribcage. There was blood everywhere. Too much blood.
"No," whimpered Faith, shaking her head.
"Hey, it's okay...I dusted her...turned around and tackled her...she went for my neck and I hugged her...should've seen the expression on her face," smiled Matthieu.
Faith didn't hear a word of what he was saying but clung to the sound of his voice.
"Impaled on her own stake," laughed Matthieu. His laughter broke into weak coughing and his eyes closed tightly in pain.
Faith gently eased his head into her lap.
"Guess this doesn't look good, huh?" whispered Matthieu, not opening his eyes.
"It's okay, Matthieu. I'm here. I won't...I won't leave you. I'm here," repeated Faith, fighting back tears as she ran her hand through his hair.
Matthieu opened his eyes and stared unfocused at Faith's face.
"Faith, I'm...am I going to die?" he asked calmly.
Faith barely nodded.
"Your heartbeat, it's, it's too weak. You've lost too much blood. Oh, Matthieu, I told you this would happen. I told you..."
"Hey. It's not your fault. It was my choice. Mine!"
"But you didn't know. You had no idea what you were getting into," protested Faith, tears now running down her cheeks.
"Faith, listen to me..."
"It is my fault! It is!" yelled Faith. "You can't trust people. I shoulda learned that by now. Giles...Willow...me."
"You?"
"I, I promised to protect you. I did. And look!"
"Faith!" said Matthieu loudly, too weak to yell and wincing with the effort.
He had her attention now.
"We can still be together. You know..."
Matthieu swallowed before he continued.
"You know what you have to do."
Faith visibly stiffened.
"No. No, you have no idea what you are asking of me!"
"Yes, I do. I'll be like you. Why..."
"No, you won't!" yelled Faith, sliding his head onto the ground and inching away from him.
"But..."
"No! I can't change you. Not the way you think," whispered Faith, her eyes pleading.
Matthieu knotted his eyebrows together, not understanding.
"The vampire that turned me, he had a soul."
"And so do you," countered Matthieu.
"But if I turned you...Matthieu, you wouldn't have a soul. I don't have that ability. You would be just another demon, like the things we kill. Worse yet...even worse, I would lose my soul if I turned you. Please, don't ask me to do this," begged Faith.
"How can you be sure? And, and even if it were true, we'd be together, you and I. Spike doesn't have a soul...and he's okay, right? Faith...do you love me?" asked Matthieu, letting go of the stake and trying to rise up on his elbows.
"I do," sniffed Faith. "And that's why I can't help you. I can't."
Matthieu gave up trying to get up and collapsed onto his back. Faith looked up at the sky then knelt beside him and gently slipped her arms under him.
"Let's get you back to that church, okay? That way I can stay with you," comforted Faith. She had barely lifted him when he screamed out in agony. Faith eased him back down onto the sand.
"Damn. I'm sorry, Matty. I shouldn't have...oh, damn it!" whispered Faith. She cupped his face in her hands. It took almost a minute before he could speak again.
"Faith, you're going to be all alone. Is that what you want?" gasped Matthieu.
"I've always been alone. Always."
"Faith...I don't want to die. I'm, I'm scared," whispered Matthieu, tears in his eyes now.
"I know. Been there, done that," laughed Faith, immediately beginning to cry.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you to..."
He didn't finish what he was going to say. Faith was sobbing, her body shaking.
"You'd better go. It will be light soon," sighed Matthieu.
"No. No, I'll stay," said Faith, reaching out and grabbing his hand.
"Faith, it doesn't hurt as much. But the sun will rise before I'm dead."
He tried to grip her hand tightly but she barely felt his feeble attempt.
"I, I don't want you to be alone," cried Faith painfully. "No one should be alone."
Matthieu smiled.
"Then take my blood."
Faith looked at him and glanced up at the sky again.
"That's the way I'd like to go...in your arms. Please, Faith...you said you loved me...something...something to remember me by. And I won't...be...alone."
Matthieu lay his head back. His eyes stared vacantly outward, unfocused. Faith quickly leaned forward and kissed him hard on the lips. But he didn't respond. His heartbeat still echoed in her ears as Faith's face morphed into the animal that she was. Her lips trembling on his, she pulled away and quickly bit into his neck before she could change her mind.
Any passion, any pleasure that the moment should've brought was lost in the overwhelming pain Faith felt. It was over. She pulled away, eyes closed, her body shaking. Hugging him one last time, not once looking upon Matthieu's still face, she wondered what would happen if she forced him to drink from her. More than wondered. Faith was tempted.
"Spike doesn't have a soul...and he's okay, right? Faith...do you love me?"
Matthieu's words haunted her. Slowly she raised her hands, bloody and trembling, and covered her face. Faith felt more than alone. Faith was scared, terrified of what was going to happen next.
*****
Spike was making his way back to his crypt when he stopped and looked around the cemetery as if he had heard something. No, as if he had sensed something. Even before he got to her grave he suspected what he might find.
Giles was asleep, curled up into a fetal position on Buffy's grave. An empty bottle lay off to one side. Spike sadly shook his head, glancing towards the eastern horizon. He knelt down beside Giles and shook his shoulder but got no response.
"Come on, Rupert, you'll have to sleep this one off with me. No time to get you home now," said Spike, lifting Giles up in his arms.
"You know, we have to stop meeting like this. People will talk. Mind you, I have a reputation to think of."
END OF PART TEN