Thanks alot to "Getoutofmyface" for the age information, as well as the many readers who where kind enough to review. And the last bit about the jacket was just a random "what-if" scenario. Although, I may write a sequel... Ludifer's review actually gives me an idea... heheh...

Talent Show

"Moral has been low as of late," Major Montana Max scanned the paperwork in his hand. "We need some sort of idea to improve the men's attitudes." He looked at his subordinates, who where lined up in front of him. "Any ideas?"

"A shooting contest?" Rip held up her hand timidly.

"Nein," the Major shook his head. "Anything else?"

"..." the Captain shrugged.

"Zat helps..." the Major frowned.

"A talent show?" Doc suddenly spoke up. The Major grinned at that idea.

"Ja... dat is a good idea. A talent show! It shall be held tommorrow night. Hopefully, it will lift the men's spirits," the Major nodded his head.

"What have you gotten us into?" Zorin whispered to the Doctor, who ignored her.

----

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!" a uniformed soldier walked onto the stage and spoke into the microphone as he addressed the primarily male audience. "Ve have a very good show for you tonight. First up... Rip Van Winkle!" The curtains behind the soldier began to rise as he ran off the stage. Rip Van Winkle bowed as the curtain raised, and after a few seconds of silence began to sing one of her favorite operas. He lovely singing shocked and awed many of the soldiers, except for a few who didn't like opera. She mentally noted to cause them pain and misery after the show for the rest of their lives. As she neared the end of her act, she noticed a soldier sitting in the back of the audience asleep. The growled menacingly and walked of the stage, still singing. She returned a few seconds later holding her musket, but two soldiers quickly rushed on stage and talked her out of killing the idiot. She shrugged, and then finished her song. The audience burst into applause.

"Dunke, dunke!" she bowed, thanking her fans. After a few minutes of enjoying the spotlight, the curtain fell down in front of her, and the soldier from earlier returned.

"Alright, folks. Next up... the Captain!" the soldier quickly ran off the stage. The curtain rose, revealing the coat clad bodyguard. He stared at the crowd, who stared back at him. After a few seconds of silence, he suddenly began to make strange handsigns.

"Oh great... he's a mime..." one soldier groaned. Sure enough, the Captain was acting like he was trapped in a box. Soon the crowd began to boo at him, and he replied by pulling a calendar out of his jacket. He pointed to what day it was: the night of the full moon. Instantly, all booing ceased. The Captain then finished his routine, and the curtains full without much hesitation.

"Vell that was different..." the soldier walked back on stage, noting the growling coming from behind the curtain. "But it vas good! Very good! Eheh..." he chuckled nervously. "Next up... Shrodinger!" Again, the curtains rose and the soldier ran.

"Guten tag!" Schrodinger waved at the people in front of him. He walked over to the corner of the stage and grabbed the corner of the curtains hanging down. "Hm..." He stuck his head behind the curtain and away from the audience's view. Instantly, his head appeared from behind the opposite curtains across the stage. "Guten tag!"

"Wow!" several soldiers clapped. Schrodinger then walked completely behind the curtain, and appeared from behind the other one. He bowed, and the audience applauded. The curtains fell, and the soldier returned.

"Okay... that was interesting. Next up... Doc, on the piano!" the soldier ran off the stage as the curtain rose. Doc was seated at a grand piano, and he waved at the crowd with a broad smile. He removed his gloves, revealing that he is... a polydactyl! Thus, he had six fingers on each hand, allowing him to play the piano quite well. He then proceeded to play a quick song on the piano. Upon finishing, he stood up and took a bow, and was met with a loud applause.

"Thank you!" Doc bowed repeatedly as the curtains fell.

"Well, I think that about wraps it up..." the soldier looked over the sheet of paper in his hands. "Zorin was supposed to go next, but she didn't want to make a fool out of herself. So... I guess that about raps it up! And the winner is..." the soldier turned around as the curtains rose. Rip, the Captain, Schrodinger, and Doc were lined up side by side. Rip had her rifle in her hands, the Captain was holding the calander, and Schrodinger was playing rock-paper-scissors with Doc out of boredom. Another soldier ran up and handed the soldier an envelope, and then ran off. "And the winner is..."

"Gasp!" the audience held their breath.

"Er..." the soldier realized that he was the center of attention, and the contestants who lost would all kill him without a second thought. "The winner is... the Major!" the soldier pointed at the Major, who was sitting in the front row.

"Eh?" the Major raised an eyebrow.

"Yes! The Major wins because he has the great talent of being a wonderful leader!" the soldier pointed at the Major. The audience broke into a wild applause, and the Major stood up, shrugged, and then bowed. Needless to say, nobody would dare to challenge him, so none of the contestants said a word. The soldier sighed, and then burnt the paper so that nobody would ever know who won for real. "Its better if the world never knows the truth..." the soldier muttered as he walked off the stage. "I need a vacation..."

Moral of the Story: Millinium is full of sore losers, it seems.

And yes, Doc really does have six fingers. Didn't consider that much of a spoiler, since it serves no real purpose... found that info on Wikipedia. Along with plenty of other cool things about Hellsing. Be forewarned... Wikipedia is full of spoilers, so be careful who or what you read about.