Jace's POV
My ears prick at the first sign of sound in half an hour. Clary passed out from exhaustion I believe after a few minutes of loud sobbing. Izzy and I tried to calm her down but she refused to let either of us touch her. I could see the hurt in Izzy's face as she tried to keep on a brave face. I don't know what happened to her but I want to take away her suffering. I stand up and silently walk out of her room. I walk down the halls to find the source of the noise. Laughter. Max is home. No one but him could produce this type of welcoming. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My hair is dishevelled and matted, my eyes house deep purple crescent moon bags beneath them. My eyes are slightly bloodshot. I shake my head and carry on walking to meet Max. As I turn the corner I see Izzy crouching down in front of her youngest brother. She is smiling for the first time in hours. Alec is leaning against the wall trying to hide a smile. He meets my eyes and tips his head lightly. Max turns around and his smile lights up his face at the sign of me, I don't know why I look a state.
"JACE!" the small boy shouts. he sets off running towards me and jumps into my arms.
"Hey Buddy, how was Idris?" I smile at Max in my arms. His tousled hair shimmers in the light. His smile turns mischievous.
"Runes aren't my strong point, Dad wasn't too happy" He giggles and wiggles in my arms. I put him back down on his feet and he looks up at me. "So when do I get to see Clary again, Mum said to me that Izzy told her that you have a special friend, is it Clary? That means she's your girlfriend right." He smiles sweetly at me. I shoot a glare at Izzy who is covering her face with her hands. Alec is smirking at his brother.
"Ummm I guess you could meet her now, but something has happened and she isn't herself, she is in a lot of pain Max. She's fragile right now. Do you get what I am telling you?" I plead with his eyes.
"Yes, I must be gentle and nice. Like I am with everyone basically but more so with Clary. So can I see her now?" He taps his shoe looking at me disapprovingly. I sigh and walk off to Clary's room. This will be good for Clary, Max will help her. He will help her, right? I hope I haven't made a mistake. I know Izzy and Alec are hovering behind me, making sure that Max doesn't do anything by mistake. We reach Clary's door and I open the door slowly and look at Max. He urges me to open the door quicker. Once the door is open. Max walks past me calmly and slowly. Light is seeping through Clary's curtains.
Clary is sitting up in bed with her duvet around her shoulders. Max's stares lock onto Clary's bedside table. He goes over to it and leans down and grabs something. I look to Izzy but she just shrugs her shoulders.
"Hi, Clary. I'm Max Lightwood we met when you first arrived at the institute but I had to go to Idris with my mum. Is this yours?" Max holds out the item in his hands. Clary looks at him and nods lightly. "Can I look at them?". Clary shrugs at his question. Max pulls up his chair and rests the item on the bed.
"It's her sketch book Iz, how did we not think about this," I whisper. I watch Max intently who is looking at her drawing one by one with great care. Clary shuffles slowly back towards the wall. My heart wrenches. Max ignores this and carries on talking to her.
"Do you want to draw something?" Max whispers something else which isn't audible. Carry hesitates and extends a shaking hand taking the sketchbook gently. Max pushes a pencil over to her, standing up he turns and heads towards us. Max takes my hand in his and pulls me out of the door. When the door is shut Mac turns to the three of us with a somber expression.
"Max what did you say to her in there?" Izzy puts her hands on her hips with a stoney look.
"Basically, I asked if she wanted to talk about what happened, she shook her head so I got this idea. She loves to draw right so I said do you want to draw it? And she took the sketchbook from me didn't she" his eyes twinkle "Alec is there any food? I'm really hungry. Can we get pizza?" Max sounds excited by his own idea. Alec shakes his head and smiles.
"Sure come on buddy, lets go and get pizza and bring it back" Max lets go of my hand and runs after his brother who is striding away purposely. I huff nearly shouting at Alec but Izzy grabs my arm giving me a knowing look.
"God damn Alec. Ugh, why did he just do that?" I grumble.
"Jace you know that Max has the attention span of a teaspoon, he was never gpiong to focus for long. We just need to break through to Clary, I don't know what happened to her but I feel her pain Jace" She rests her palm on top of her parabatai rune. "It eats me away bit by bit and I can do nothing because it is futile right now as Clary doesn't want anyone near her, she trembles and shakes when anyone is in close proximity. I haven't been in on my own yet so I am going to take her some pizza when Alec gets back. You need some sleep and a shower brother. You stink so use it as some down time and don't go to Clary or I will find some ducks and put them in your room" She narrows her big eyes at me.
"You wouldn't!" I challenge.
"Oh I would and you know it" Izzy states coolly looking at her fingernails.
"Fine, I won't come near the room." I give in but if it is for Clary I will try anything.
Izzy POV
When I walk into the kitchen Max is sitting on the counter, pizza slice in hand laughing. Alec has a genuine smile on his face. My phone vibrates in my back pocket. I pull it out and smile at the text.
"Woah, sis who's made you go soft?" Alec sneers biting into his pizza.
"What do you mean?" I send a response and shove it back into my pocket.
"Well, you went all goes eyed and smiled like someone was flirting with you" Jace smirks at me from behind his mug.
"I did not!" I huff as I retrieve two plates from the cupvoard.
"Did too" Max giggles.
"Right well I refuse to keep you guys' company while you are bullying me" I load up two plates of pizza and walk out of the room. Laughter follows me out. They are nothing but trouble when the three of them are together.
I get to Clary's room and knock lightly before entering.
"Hey, I brought you some…. What happened!" I say flicking on the light switch. I put the plates of food down on the bed. Her room looks like someone came in and ransacked it. Clothes are strewn all over the floor. Glass shard litter the floor making the room a hazard. I walk around and the glass cracks underneath my boots. Clary is on the floor sobbing. She is sat in a pool of broken glass. All of her photo frames are on the floor around her, the glass is smashed distorting her happy memories. I rush towards her.
"Hey, let's get you out of this glass and into the shower eh?" I whisper softly I attempt not to scare her. A dull aching pain forms in the centre of my chest. I swallow my tears and reach to touch Clary's arm. She jumps and her head snaps in my direction. She visibly relaxes when she sees me.
"Izzy" She whimpers. "Help me" tears fall down her cheeks in a steady flow. I grab a blanket and lay it down in front of her. I hold my hand fro her to take. Her hand is trembling. I enclose my hand around her petite slender one and squeeze gently. I look at my best friend who is terrified and broken.
"Let's get you out of this glass and into the shower" I pull her up gently. Clary lets out a small whimper as we hobble to her bathroom. I turn on the shower and watch the water turn pink. I grab some tweezers on her bathroom counter and start to pull the glass shards out of her soft feet. She doesn't let go of my hand.
"I have finished taking the glass out do you want me to leave you to have a shower?" I ask her.
"Yes but don't leave me," Clary says softly. The ache in my chest starts to throb.
"I'm going to put your room back together and get you some clothes," I say slipping out the door. I get hit with the bombshell of her room. She must have just lost it and destroyed everything. All her pictures are smashed and clothes are everywhere. I try the best of drawers, her top drawer has been untouched. I retrieve a black lacy bra and underwear set from the drawer and blue jeans and a big cable knit jumper off of her floor. I put them on the floor in the bathroom while she is showering.
"Right, now I have to clean up your mess Clary Morgenstern" I sigh to myself. I gather up all her strewn clothing and food it up, avoiding the glass. I open up the curtains and allow the morning sun trickle into the room. I see the dust dancing in the air around me. I sneeze before continuing me work.
"You didn't have to do this, I was going to do it, it was my mess" A small voice floats through the air. I turn round to see a damp-haired Clary. My gaze softens.
"I know but its done now, I just need to get the glass. I put all your clothes back in the wardrobe and chest of drawers. Do you want me to do your hair?" I smile at my small friend, she nods fiddling with the sleeves of her jumper.
"Right, where's your hairdryer?" I say rubbing warmth into my hands. She goes to sit down at her vanity table and pulls out a hairdryer. I walk over and take it out of her hand which is shaking slightly. I ignore it.
"Brush?" I quickly get handed a brush. I brush through her crimson hair slowly making sure I don't hurt her. After all, tangles have gone I begin the task of drying her dripping hair.
It is atlas twenty minutes until her hair is completely dry. Her hair fell loosely down her back in loose curls, I was envious.
"So are your going to tell me what that was about," I say gesturing to the room behind me. Clary looks at me, her eyes are dull and glassy. Different from the usual bright sparkling emerald ones. She looks defeated.
"Look in my sketchbook" She points to her bedside table where the sketchbook is open on a page. I hesitantly walk over, worried to see what lies on the page. I gingerly reach for the book. I bring it up to my face and try to fight back the tears. Clary's drawing is in pencil and some sort of black ink. The picture depicts a dark stone flagged cell. There is a man in the corner, his arm is the only part visible from the shadows apart from his dull eyes. Runes lace the arm of the man and I look to see what he is holding, it looks to be a piece of clothing. I look to the rest of the drawing and see other clothes around the floor, some ripped up and others whole. I gasp and realise what has gone on. I look up to see Clary hugging her legs looking out the window.
"Clary this person did more to you than hit you didn't they?" I say gently. I place the distressing drawing on the bed. Tear rolls down Clary's cheek as her eyes fill with liquid. The ache in my chest intensifies and I suppress a gasp. Clary looks at me and holds my gaze until her face crumples.
"Yes," she gasps through her sobs. I pull into a hug, she tenses before hugging tightly back. Sobs rack her body. I stroke her hair as a tear escapes and rolls silently down my check.
"Clary, I'm so sorry. That's why you can't be near men isn't it. You don't want Jace to find out" I pull back.
"I'm broken izzy. I'm dirty, tainted unpure. He wouldn't want me if he found out. He would think I'm disgusting" She sniffles and wipes the tears from her eyes.
"He would never think that Clary. He loves you, he would do anything for you. He literally has a tunnel vision for you. I had to threaten him with ducks so I could spend a few hours with you." I squeeze her arm so she gets the message. I bring her in for a quick hug before looking at her.
"Do you want some pizza? I can go warm it up if you like" I smile as Clary laughs.
"Yes, I would like that" her smile is short-lived at she returns to her emotionless state.
"Ok, I will be back in ten. Don't destroy your room again please" I say with a small smile.
I walk into the kitchen to find Jace sitting st the island resting his head on his hands. I walk to the microwave and pop the plate in for a minute. I turn round to look at the defeated character of my brother.
"How is she?" He says without looking up.
"Not good," I say truthfully. Jace looks up. "Jace I dont think you should go in, at least not yet. I'm going to be staying I her room from now on, that chair will be my new bed" o say firmly.
"Has she said something to you?!" He sits up quickly looking at me.
"Yes, kind of well not really. She drew it and let me see" I tell him
"Can I see it?" He jumps off the chair and makes his way quickly around the island.
"No Jace you can't see it" I sigh as I know either way he will be crushed.
"Isabelle! I need to see it! I need to know what happened to her" Jace starts to raise his voice at me. I furrow my eyebrows.
"Don't shout at me! You don't want to know what happened to her Jace!" I shout.
"Your shouting at me! I want to know what's. On that piece of paper! Tell me Isabelle or so help me God!" Jace strides right up to me, his face is flushed red from shouting.
"Goddamnit Kace she doesn't want you to knwo! Don't you get that she's scared because of what happened!" I scream extremley angry now.
"What happened Isabelle!" Jace's face is red and his eyes are bulging.
"Want do you think happened there, why do you think she won't let you or any other male for that fact touch her. Let me give you a hint, a male shadowhunter was there and what do you think he did to a beautiful helpless girl like Clary! I'm sure you can work it out, I'm not going to spell it out for you. Ahhh so you figured it out" His face pales and loses its colour, "Are you happy you know, has it for filled you big head. Does that make you happy! And to top it all off it was a shadowhunter! One of our own took advantage of her putting it into nice terms as I don't like the other word used for it. So if you don't mind I am going back to my parabatai because she needs me!" I scream I. Jace's faces. He goes pale and visibly swallows. I grab the pizza out of the microwave and storm out of the room. I really need to punch something and the next person I see might just get a fist connecting with their nose. I stop outside Clary's door and compose myself, I don't want her to notice my anger. I let out a sigh and walk in.
Clary POV
I told her. I told my best friend. But I haven't told her the half of it. Just the hurtful part. Is that bad? Does it make me a bad person? I don't want anyone's pity. I am done feeling sorry for myself. I know what he told me. And I know what he did to me is terrible. But I will get through this. I will save my friends even if I get hurt as a consequence as I already have. I must accept what has happened to me and why. It is all about the why the why in this situation is the most important. The why is always the most important as it defines who we are and the choices we make. I hear shouting in the institute. It makes me jump. It's like thunderstorms, I hate thunderstorms. I need Izzy. My hands are trembling and there is nothing I can do to stop it, I press them into my pockets but it sends the shakes through my body. More shouting erupts through the institute. I can hear someone approaching. They stop outside my door and wait. I hear a strangled sigh and see Ozzy walk through the door. I give her a small smile and pull my knees up to my chest.
"Pizza! I'm starved, here's yours" izzy smiles and climbs onto the bed to give me a plate with two slices of pepperoni pizza on. She immediately devours her first piece, I smile at her. I hear words come out of her mouth but I can't filter them into comprehensible words so I start on my pizza.
I eat the first piece but end up giving my piece to izzy as she is that hungry.
"Right I'm going to have a shower and get changed into my pjs and I will be right back so we can have a girls night. I'll paint your nails, we can do face masks the whoLe shabang! See you in half an hour ok" She softens her smile and slips out the door.
"Alone again," I say outloud. I pull my knitted blanket up around my shoulder revelling in thenimmediate warmth I feel. I pull myself off the bed and limp over to my chest of drawers. My feet still sting but my ribs hurt the most. I can't breathe without there being a constant deep ache. I retrieve some cotton shorts and a camisole.
"It's not even afternoon And I'm getting ready for bed" input on my pjs and fold up the barely worn clothes and laying them on my chair. I grab my blanket from the floor and head towards the bed. I hit the mattress lightly and the bed hugs me, welcoming me back. I hear small
Knock at my door.
"Iz you can come in," I say quietly. I'm facing the wall, I can hear someone approaching but they have heavy footsteps. Too heavy to be Ozzy. I turn over and see Jace, his blonde hair spills into his face obstructing his eyes at times. His eyes are painted with deep purple crescents. His face is pale and his eyes are filled with panic he is trying to hide. He knows. I'm mortified, ashamed, embarrassed are all feeings that have taken residence in me now. My hands tremble again as I pull the blanket around me sitting up, I'm suddenly conscience on how little clothing I am wearing. I feel emxposed. Jace sits in the chair opposite me and I fight everything in me from not backing up to the wall. It's Jace he wouldn't hurt me. I stay frozen in my position.
"Clary, I know what happened" I break our eye contact and look at the blanket I am fiddling with.
"It's in the past no one can do anything about it, so please Jace I really don't want to talk about it" I whisper. He is looking at me strangely, a look I can't decipher. My palms start to sweat under his intense gaze.
"It doesn't change anything between us. You know that right" He almost pleads and edges closer to me. My heart quickens like a mini drum.
"Jace please don't lie to me, I will understand if you find me repulsive. I will understand if you don't want to be with me but just lie to me" I choke back tears that are threatening to spill. No more crying g Clary, no more. Jace widens his eyes and looks at incredulously.
"Clary, why would you think that? Do you think my beliefs are that fragile I would let that come between us? What happened was awful and I swear when I find this guy I will kill him. I can help you get through this if you let me. Clary let me help" Jace pleads and reaches his hand out. I see it approaching and I only feel intense fear. I have no clue why this isnJace we are talking about. he won't hurt me. I shy away from his touch.
"I'm sorry, so sorry" I feel defeated, I have lost myself. Who am I now?
"You are Clary Morgenstern, you are my girlfriend and I love you" I must have said it aloud.
"Jace out now!" Izzy warns.
New Chapter, I hope you guys are enjoying the story. I feel like this is a slow burning story. I hope you guys don't mind, but in my opinion the slow burners are always the best. I am starting to write my own story, it is in the same genre as this and includes certain groups that TMI uses but in a completley different way. I really hope you guys will enjoy it and I hope you are enjoying this book as well, don't hate me for what happened to Clary but it will all make sense soon, at least I hope it will ^_^ Please review :P