Chapter 9

After the incident of Raphael overhearing Leo and Splinter, the general mood between the two oldest turtles seemed to have changed. Raph appeared less angry while Leo seemed to be opening up more often. Donnie and Mikey still didn't know exactly what was said between their brothers, but in all honesty, they didn't really care as long as the lightened mood continued.

It was a day after Leo woke up when he left the lab, surprising everyone at breakfast by limping in alone. He was still bruised and cut- his most excessive injuries wrapped up, his arm in a cast and he leant heavily on a crutch Donnie managed to salvage on account of Leo's injured foot. Apart from all that and the fact he was wearing a smaller version of Master Splinter's dark kimono, he pretty much looked like the old Leo.

Mikey was the first to notice his entrance and alerted the others by subtly screaming,

"LEO!" and dropping his bowl of soup in his hurry to give his brother a hug. The last time he had seen Leo, he had been unconscious and in an extremely bad way, but when he delivered the soup, he couldn't even see him. Mikey had been annoyed at his brothers for not letting him help Leo out, but looking now at the array of cuts and injuries- all freshly healing- he was thankful his young life hadn't been disturbed by the horrors that had been performed on his brother.

He wrapped his arms tightly around his brother, careful to avoid the area where his shell had been, and to his shock, he felt Leo stiffen before returning the hug. Releasing him, Mikey stepped back so Donnie could hug his brother as well, before turning all serious again- his doctor face fixed firmly upon his features.

"Mikey, grab Leo some soup- and add one spoonful of that bottled powder to it." He turned to the confused Leo, "He's adding important vitamins to it- things which I doubt you've had much of in the last month." He then moved aside so Leo could sit down, knowing full well not to act as if he wasn't capable of doing anything by himself. Raph had warned him and Mikey to do the same.

Mikey frisbeed the bowl over to Leo without thinking, but despite being out of practise, his reflexes were on point and he caught it mid-air. He looked shocked that he did that, but quickly hid his surprise as Mikey came over with the soup, filling the bowl to the brim then adding a spoonful of white powder. As the vitamins drifted down into the soup and sunk below the surface, Leo's mind flickered back to the drug experiments they did to him. The drugs were added to food, or injected in, but the ones he found in meals looked very similar- finely grained and pure white.

He felt himself shaking as his breath caught in his throat and he vaguely heard Mikey shouting at Donnie, yet the words were not clear.

Suddenly he felt strong hands grip his shoulders, pulling him back from the horrors in his mind, he blinked and a red masked turtle stood before him, worry etched onto his face. In the corners of his eyes, Leo could make out a smudge of orange and of purple, yet his gaze never moved from Raphael's face.

"Leonardo. Are you with us?" Raph's voice trembled a little, and Leo blinked. He nodded slowly, "What happened there, bro?" Raph questioned kneeling before his brother.

It took Leo a second to find his voice, and when he did, he spoke barely above a whisper.

"The drugs…" he closed his eyes and felt the shame for what he must look like, a scared, helpless invalid, that's what he knew his brothers must be thinking. Leonardo, the fearless leader- now reduced to cowering at a bowl of soup. He took a breath. "It was nothing, guys. I'm fine." He opened his eyes and looked to each of his brothers in turn. Mikey looked terrified, Donnie was disbelieving and Raph- well, he looked half way between a full out explosion and slapping Leo around the face.

"Leo-" It was Donnie, great. "You've got to tell us what's going on, or else how can we help you?"

Leo crossed his arms across his chest, he still couldn't get used to the feel of skin rather than a shell.

"Fine," he growled, "The Kraang experimented on me and gave me all these stupid drugs!" his voice rose and he stood suddenly, "That's why I'm freaking out at a frickin' bowl of soup!" he stormed out of the kitchen, cursing himself for forgetting his crutch, when he froze for a second before falling to his knees. He let out a sob and put his head in his hands, even though he knew he was safe, he kept having these crushing visions and flashbacks, each one sending him spiralling back down into depression. He had a duty to his brother's, yet how could he perform such a simple duty when the very floor he put his feet on could come crashing down at any moment?

He heard the footsteps of his brothers drawing near, but he couldn't move. I'm done, he thought, I can't come back from this…

"Leo?" The footsteps quietened as if slowing down, then he heard Raph mutter to the others,

"Give us a minute?"

Two lots of footsteps retreated back into the kitchen.

"Hey? Leo? You wanna talk?"

Leo rubbed his eyes and looked over his shoulder at Raph.

"It's hopeless…" he muttered, then attempted to stand, but his bad leg wouldn't hold him and he fell straight back down, yet Raph had moved forward and grabbed him.

"What is?"

"Look at me Raph! Just open your eyes and look what they've done to me!" Sobs racked his body, but he didn't care, what he had to say was more important. "I'm no good to the team anymore! I can't face food as it reminds me of the drugs! I can't face blood or knives because of the experiments and I can't face you or the others as it reminds me of the visions! I saw myself killing you- all of you! Do you know what that's like Raph?! Do you know what it's like to do something you can't take back, even though you didn't want to do it in the first place?!"

There was a heavy silence before Raph spoke.

"Yeah, I do Leo…"

The eldest turtle froze and looked to his brother.

"What do you-"

"I mean my anger, Leo. I can't control it- just as you couldn't control your actions." Raph sighed and lifted his brother up, carrying him to the sofas, "I know what you mean, Leonardo, and the best way to get past it, is, well-" he put his brother down on the seat, "To say sorry." Leo looked up at Raph, shaken by the brutal honesty his brother was speaking, he never spoke like this to him before. Yet it seemed that Raph still had more to say, "You remember that morning, the one you were taken?" Leo winced, he knew where this was headed, "Well, I know you're a goody two shoes, and you like bossing everyone around- but I didn't mean it bro, I'm… I… I'm sorry…" Leo blinked and a small smile crept onto his face.

"Raph-"

"Let me finish." But he was smiling as well, "Gosh, this is getting soppier than when April thought she lost Casey!" both laughed, "But what I'm trying to say Leo, is that all that time you were missing, all I could think about was how we had argued that morning, and I was thinking- what if we couldn't find you, and one of the last things we did was argue? That was killing me." Leo winced at the expression, but Raph caught it, "Sorry- um… tearing me apart? No- er… Bugging me?" Leo nodded.

"Sorry Raph…" he muttered, "I didn't think…"

Raph plonked himself next to Leo and put his arm around his brother's shoulders, "You don't have to say anything. If you need to talk- I'm here. And Leo- we will know if something's wrong." He smiled and in Leo's chest, he felt a huge weight begin to lift. He wasn't alone on this path, as long as he had his brothers with him, he knew everything would be alright.

"Thank you." He leant into Raph, and the brothers hugged.

A slow clap started up behind them and a deep voice stated.

"That was the thing known as 'entertaining.'"

DUN DUN DUN! Poor old Leo, he's falling apart again! *cackles and rubs hands together in glee*

So here's the questions:

Who is that voice?

Can Leo ever face soup again?

Why does he keep tensing before hugs?

Can Leo come back to being the fearless leader he once was?!

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LL99 OUT!