In this one:

Characters: Antonio, Romano, Feliciano
Universe: Human AU
Genre: Derp

There he was, the most adorable thing on the planet. Feliciano Vargas, host of Feli's Home Cooking, one of the most popular shows on TV at the moment. Not only were his recipes fantastic, Feliciano's personality was just so likeable and endearing that people were hooked immediately. Antonio loved him.

No, really. He was in love with that boy.

And there he was, waiting in his beat-up little Irizar, with rope, duct tape and a bottle of chloroform in the seat beside him. He was waiting outside the recording studio. It had been difficult, very difficult, to find out Feliciano's schedule, but Antonio had spent a pretty penny to buy information from that albino boom-mike kid. He knew that Feliciano would be coming out to the parking lot in a bit (and ride home on a cute Vespa. Antonio just wanted to smother him with affection).

He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel impatiently as Feli finally made his way out the door. There he was with his nice brown hair and his stylish clothes and that cute little cowlick sticking out of his head. Antonio could almost hear himself hyperventilating as his love drew closer. And he was alone, unguarded. That would just make things so much easier.

Feli walked up to a green Vespa (odd, hadn't it been blue?) and started fiddling around with the keys. Antonio took the distraction as an opportunity to pull up slowly, stopping a few feet away. He snatched the chloroform and a rag out of the passenger seat and opened the door, walking out on tip-toes and checking to see that nobody was around.

Oooh, he was good. Got right behind this adorable Italian without the other even noticing. His arms slowly snaked around Feli and he clamped the now-soaked rag to his mouth and nose. Feli struggled a bit (how I wish you wouldn't, my dear, I only want to love you after all) and then went limp in his arms. Antonio picked him up with a happy sigh. The body was put in the back seat, lying down so he'd be comfortable.

He started up the engine and pulled out of the parking lot.

Romano woke up with a splitting headache. Everything was groggy and unfocused for him, which was a lot like waking up after being drunk. He wanted to swear but he thought that if he made any noise, his head might explode. Still, he never remembered going out to drink or anything. Something fishy was definitely going down and Romano didn't like it.

Slowly, he raised his head.

He seemed to be in an unfamiliar house. He was tied down, too, to an old (but comfy) armchair. He struggled weakly for a minute before giving up. Evidently, he had been kidnapped.

Minutes went by and Romano's head eventually began to clear. He mustered up the strength to holler. "Ey!" he yelled (his voice wasn't as intimidating as he usually tried to make it).

He heard shuffling noises from behind him. A (handsome) head popped into his vision with a big, cheerful, slightly unsettling grin.

"Hello!" chirped the mysterious man. Romano was immediately annoyed.

"What the fuck is going on? Who are you? Let me go, asshole, before I call the cops!"

The strange man (presumably Romano's kidnapper) seemed taken aback, which was actually fucking stupid because really, did he expect a warm welcome? "My name is Antonio," he said uncertainly.

"Okay, hi, Antonio, let me the fuck go so I can shove my foot up your ass."

Antonio blanched, and then smiled shakily. "Wow, you've got quite a mouth on you, huh? I'm sorry, I can see why you must be upset, but don't worry! I won't hurt you, I promise."

"I'm going to hurt you once I get out of these damn ropes," hissed Romano, wriggling around. It didn't do much good, and made his wrists chafe, so he stopped. Outwardly, he was scowling, but his heart was doing a fucking samba inside his ribcage.

Antonio reached out to him. "You're so cute. I really like you, you know. I'm sorry for stealing you, but I didn't know how else to keep you with me!" He stroked Romano's hair away from his face.

"Excuse me, what the fuck are you doing?" Romano demanded, voice cracking at the end from fear and severe discomfort. Antonio shushed him and patted him on the hand.

"I'll take good care of you, I promise. We'll have lots of fun together! Don't you worry about a thing, Feli, you'll grow to love me pretty soon, I guarantee it."

Romano stared at him, bug-eyed. "Feli? You were trying to kidnap Feli? What the fuck! You've got the wrong person, you dumbass!"

Antonio blinked innocently. "What are you talking about?"

"Feliciano is my brother!" Romano exploded. "I'm not him! Why the hell did you take me? Why were you even trying to kidnap my brother, you freak? Are you some sort or rapist?"

"I'm not a rapist!" cried Antonio, hurt. "I'm just a big fan of yours, Feli. I like your cooking show a lot. I just wanted you to myself. I'm sorry, I know it was bad of me but I just couldn't help myself."

Romano gaped him, horrified. "You're a psychopath. You're a, you're a manchild. That's really fucking creepy, and for the last time I'm not fucking Feliciano!"

Antonio tilted his head, smiling. "I don't really believe you. I think you're lying because you want to trick me into letting you go. But you won't fool me! We'll have lots of fun together, Feli."

"I give up, you're mentally challenged," said Romano flatly. "Stop calling me Feli."

"Okay, Feli," replied Antonio sweetly. Romano sighed.

It had been six days. Romano wasn't stuck in the armchair anymore, but he hadn't been allowed to leave the house. He didn't feel too badly about it, actually. He was being fed pretty well, even if he was sort of sick of paella. That crazy Antonio fuck kept trying to lure him into conversation, but Romano kept his answers short and sarcastic. Antonio didn't seem to mind. He remained almost maniacally sweet, even after Romano had pulled a McGyver and tried to escape by tying some sheets together and jumping out the window. Unfortunately, he'd misjudged exactly where the fuck he was, and had spent the better part of an hour wandering around until Antonio had pulled up in his (piece of shit) car and told him that it was time to go home, cariño. And then he'd made dinner for them both with a cheerful smile and a slightly manic light in his eye, and told Romano not to do that again. And Romano had listened, because Antonio could really fucking disturbing when he just… smiled. Without blinking. For minutes at a time.

"If it's a ransom you're after, you're out of luck," Romano had remark casually once. "You got the wrong twin. Gramps won't pay shit for me."

Antonio had paused in doing the laundry, and smiled. "I like you. All the money in the world couldn't show how much I like you."

Romano had sighed. "I told you, I'm not Feliciano."

Antonio provided for Romano, but didn't allow for any communication with the outside world. No phones, no going outside, no computer, no talking to the mailman, no talking to anyone. Romano was ready to go crazy.

"For the love of God, at least let me watch TV," he said at the end of the sixth day. Antonio shrugged.

"I suppose it can't hurt," he said kindly, and turned it on. Romano flopped onto the couch, attentive immediately.

Of course, it had to be the news. There was a pretty telecaster talking about a kidnapping that had happened six days prior.

"…local TV star has been suffering for a while, after the mysterious disappearance of his brother a few days ago. Police suspect a kidnapping, and there have been unconfirmed sightings of a red car that was in Romano Vargas's last seen location around the time of the disappearance."

Romano snorted. "Took them fucking long enough." He risked a glance at Antonio, to see his reaction. "And I told you I'm not fucking Feliciano. You got the wrong guy."

Antonio had a spoon of ice-cream halfway to his lips. His mouth was still open. He was doing that not-blinky thing again. "You're not Feli,' he said flatly.

"No shit. That's what I've been telling you for a week."

Antonio set his spoon down. "You… you really weren't kidding. You're not Feliciano."

Romano laughed hollowly. "Been hearing that all my life. I'm not the one you want, okay? I'm just 'the brother'."

Antonio said nothing. He was still watching the news report, a look of intense concentration on his face.

"Don't hurt yourself," Romano offered.

"I took the wrong person," Antonio said thoughtfully.

"You sure did, asshole. So when are you gonna let me go?"

Antonio turned like he'd just noticed Romano was still there. He raised his eyebrows. "Let you go? Why would I do that?"

Romano stared at Antonio like he was an idiot, which he was. "Because you got the wrong person? So you should let me go. Unless you intend to kill me so I won't talk," he said, face losing some colour. "Please don't kill me, I won't talk. I won't tell anyone what a lunatic you are."

Antonio chuckled. "I'm not going to kill you! I told you, I like you. Remember?"

"I'm not Feliciano!" Romano exploded. "What part of that don't you get?"

"I know you're not Feliciano," replied Antonio innocently.

"Then why are you not giving me back?"

Antonio smiled at him unblinkingly, and then reached forward to place his hand over Romano's own. "Romano, Romano," he said soothingly. "You don't get it. I got the wrong twin, but it turned out to be a great mistake! I like you. I really like you."

Romano shrank back into his seat. "Are you fucking kidding me? After all that, you finally figure out you have the wrong damn guy, and I'm still stuck here?"

Antonio laughed. "I'm sorry," he said sweetly and pulled Romano closer into a hug. "Don't struggle, you're tickling me. You don't have to look so scared, Romano! I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy. I don't have much money, but if you need anything, you just say it and it's done. We'll live together happily ever after and everything."

Romano shuddered. Antonio sighed happily. "Oh, amorcito. You're never getting out."

I prefer the name Romano to Lovino, so I'm just using that. Even though they're like, real people. Yeah. ORZ

I haven't updated in a really long time. I only just got my laptop hooked up to the internet! It's not my fault! I'm a beautiful butterfly that can't be tamed!

I'm sorry.

Please review! I'd really appreciate it. Have a nice day y'all :D