Don't hurt me! Yes, this update is way overdue and yes, I am so very sorry! I am still blaming it on college. I tried to make this chapter longer and better for you lovely readers who are being so patient. I apoligise once again for my laziness. But then again, maybe if I got some more reviews, I would hurry up!;) Please leave me a review and encourage me to hurry with the next chapter!

Kate sat against the tree trunk with her legs curled into her chest as she remained breathing heavily. She couldn't comprehend the situation any more than she wanted to. When Kate had been given the news about her shooting, she half knew what this meant and tried to prepare for it. There had been some minor bumps, but nothing like this; this didn't feel like a bump, it felt like a mountain.

She was hoping to remember something good, something helpful in her recovery, not the experience of being shot in the chest and being tackled by her so called fiancé.

"I have PTSD. Let me just add that to my list of problems." She thought to herself, adding a short laugh at the life she had been given.

It was easy for her to grasp, now that it had happened. She knew she had PTSD and fully understood why, but she wished Castle would have told her this nugget of information sooner. It doesn't matter if it was a car back firing, it could have been a shooting and her panic could have cost her life if the shooter was on a killing spree. How was she meant to be a cop if she couldn't even handle one loud noise?

Kate sat on the dirty forest floor, covered in leaves, taking in deep breaths.

"Kate!" Castle shouted into the woods, for a fifth time.

He felt like an imbecile. How could he not know that this would happen in a situation such as this? It was rather inevitable that she would relive her trauma at some point, he wished he had explained that to her, so she didn't feel so confused; so alone.

"Kate, you're alright. If you can hear me, please, just find me." He shouted helplessly, wiping his brow with the back of his hand.

Then he heard it; a scuffle of leaves followed by heavy breathing. Before he knew it, a pair of arms was being clasped around his shoulders and a pair of legs wrapped around his waist.

Castle was taken slightly aback by this action; this was not a 'Kate action'. Maybe engaged Beckett but not 'I fell down the stairs, lost all recollection of you and I don't like being touched' Beckett. He wasn't complaining though. The closeness felt so much better after being absent for a long time. Her head tucked beneath his chin and her brunette curls tickling his face felt like heaven. Castle missed her very much. He wrapped one arm around her neck and the other around her waist; supporting her and making her feel loved.

The moment was over too soon and after whispering "I'm sorry" in his ear, she was retracting her legs and arms from his body which he detested. Just like that, her body was gone, the closeness was gone and once more like before, the old Kate, was gone.

"Can we sit down for a moment? I need to ask you a few questions." Kate told him. Her lips curled, trying to force a smile but clearly not having the energy. So the smile fell and she just looked at him.

"It feels like we're back at my first interrogation, except your hair was shorter and I was a bit more ruggedly handsome back then." He joked, trying to light up the conversation. He could see the smile in her eyes. It was something her eyes had always done quite often. Her eyes had always told him what she was thinking and feeling; what her story was.

"Short hair? Very bad move. I cannot imagine that looking too great."

"I'll show you a picture when we get home. It wasn't my favourite look but you definitely pulled it off." She smiled genuinely at his comment, but not much longer, she lost her smile and the focused look returned. "Right; the questions."

"Look, Castle, I know you don't want to tell me things that have happened in my life but I'm getting these... memories-" she stopped as soon as she saw his face light up.

Please stop looking so handsome and loving and kind. Please stop making me feel like I'm crushing a child's dreams when I have to tell you that I still don't remember you.

These thoughts went through her mind quite a lot, because he did this a lot. It wasn't easy for either one of them. She couldn't remember the love of her life, but in his situation the love of his life didn't remember him. She couldn't decide who was in the worst position.

"Castle, the memories are short flashes of a small situation. It is a big deal, but it's not a break through. Except in this case, the information I got from my 'flashbacks' was something I really wished I could have gotten from you."

"I couldn't tell you all of the things you've been through. You have been through so much, you're like a TV crime drama. You get into at least four things a year and nine out of ten times, I'm involved in that with you. I can't tell you all these things because one; I can't remember them all and two; what if it traumatizes you in some way?"

"This has traumatized me! I can't go running off into a forest every time I hear a loud noise. I need to know who shot me, Castle."

"What do you mean?" He tried to play dumb, it was believable most of the time.

"This is what I'm talking about. This hole in my chest, this hole in my life!" She unbuttoned the top of her shirt and ran her hands over her scar. "This bullet that made you tell me you love me. Just tell me who did it."

"So what? You can try and go after them and get yourself killed? No, it's not happening." After a moment Castle realized his eyes were not on her face and quickly brought them up to where they were supposed to be.

"Why did they even try to kill me? Does it involve my mom's case? Because I have been very patient about this, not letting me know about my own mother when the whole world does. I've listened to you when you told me it won't do me any good. Now it's time for you to listen to me when I tell you that not knowing is worse."

He tried to link their hands but Kate pulled away very quickly. Castle bowed his head and sighed.

"Kate, he's already dead. You already got him."

"Do you think lying to me is going to stop me from–"

Castle cut her off mid-sentence. "It's not a lie, Kate. We were trying to save your life with something very valuable to us and along the way we crossed paths with him. He tried to open up a safe that had something inside that could remove all of your protection and nothing would have stopped him from killing you, except the safe was rigged with explosives and blew him up. He's dead, Kate."

She let out a deep breath she didn't know she had been holding. "Promise?" "Scout's honor. Please can we put this behind us?"

"Wrong hand, jackass. Wait, you said that there was something valuable, some information that would save my life, do we have it?"

"It doesn't matter if we do or not, you're safe now."

"How do you know? How do you know that I'm safe? He could have had people working with him, they could try to get me any moment."

He knew he shouldn't have but Castle got impatient and all the information just flowed out of his mouth. "They won't come and get you because you went to Bracken yourself and threatened him. He's going to leave you alone, they all are. You're the one in control, you have all the power."

"Who's Bracken?" She asked.

"W-what?" He stuttered realizing that in his rant to her, he had let some vital information slip.

"You said that I went to Bracken. Who's Bracken?"

"Kate I don't–" "Castle!" She shouted. "This is my life! I appreciate what you're trying to do for me and I've not researched stories on myself, or tried to look for any information. When I first came home, you told me that I had been shot... It would have been nice to know I'd suffered from PTSD too but anyway, I have respected what you have asked of me. The thing is that it's now affecting me and how my life is going to pan out, so I need you to start talking."

"Yeah? Well I need you to remember who the hell I am and everything I've done for y–" Castle stopped himself.

"Go on. Finish it." She prompted.

"I didn't mean that, I'm sorry."

"Come on Castle. We both know that you've been far too patient so go ahead and tell me what you really think, that you don't want to wait for me. I expected this to come at some point, so just go ahead and say it."

Kate wiped away a falling tear from her cheek.

Castle hadn't meant to say those things, he just got irritated and it slipped out. It was understandable! How could he pretend that everything was fine? His fiancé didn't love him anymore, she didn't remember him and every time he tried to make his way back into her life like before, his attempt was rejected. He was back at the beginning; clawing for every inch of information she gave him. It wasn't fine and he didn't feel happy. How could he?

"Let's just go home, Kate."

"It's not my home, Castle, it's yours. I'm simply living there."

"Where did this even come from? I thought we were making progress! I thought that it was going to work."

"Yeah? Well I thought you were being sincere when you told me that you didn't mind waiting. When I pulled away from you, you said that you understood... but you don't. It's my fault; I was naive enough to believe it. I should have known that guys can't change, Will taught me that."

"Wait a moment. You mean your stupid ex-boyfriend? Don't even try and compare me to him! He's a complete ass!"

Kate shrugged. "At least he was an ass who told the truth."

"You know what, Kate, forget it. All I have done is try to make you feel comfortable and welcome, but you are throwing it back in my face. I know that this is scary for you and I know that you are doing your best; but so am I, Kate! And for you to stand here and tell me that I'm an ass when all I've done for the past five years of my life is try to look out for you; try and love you- no, I'm putting an end to this argument. I am far too angry to speak to you right now. I'm going home, I'll see you later."

He turned around and walked back out of the forest. Kate was stunned after Castle's outburst and she had to make her mind up about what to do. After a minute she came to a conclusion and started to go after Castle, when she thought she heard something.

She told herself to calm down and that she was most definitely imagining things. She had to take another deep breath before continuing to follow Castle. Taking another step forward she saw a shadow run across a tree. She was imagining things, most definitely imagining things.

She felt cold metal pressed against her temple and heard a trigger click. This was not her imagination. A man edged his head close to her ear, taking a deep breath and sending shiver through her body.

"Take another step and I'll blow your brains out."

DUN DUN DUUUUUUN.

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