10/20/2013
I've decided to ask him out. He said yes! I can't believe it. I mean, he's so… and I'm so… I hope it works out for both of us. I feel like it's one of those relationships where it's either going to last forever or go down in flames. I hope it lasts forever, but I don't know that it will. He's just such an ass sometimes and I think I'll expect more of him, but I shouldn't. I like him the way he is.
Oh My God! He just pulled me onto his lap! I mean… It was nice. I can't believe he did that though! Then he put me down. Which was ok. But then he did something so embarrassing! He found my porn movies and he played one. WITH ME STILL ON HIS LAP! I couldn't get off, he wouldn't let me. I got a little turned on by everything and he could tell. And he wouldn't leave. I'm an idiot. I decided that I was fine with that and I'd just lock my door and masturbate there. And I did. He heard me… He against the wall between my bed and him and listened to me. I tried to be quiet, but I've always screamed when I orgasm. And he was way more visibly erect after that than before, without watching the movie, which was also embarrassing. He came in after smirking at me. And I didn't really mind! I'm taking a shower now, it's heating up. He ordered a pizza.
He's making me go to the psychiatrists now. I don't need one, but he's still making me go. I cut myself in the shower for being so slutty and watching porn and masturbating around him and then my robe came untied and he saw my whole body, including the cut on my thigh. He got so mad at me! I acted like I didn't know what he was talking about and he came over to me and ripped open my robe and pointed at the cut so angrily… I was frozen with fear and there were tears rolling down my face. He looked so mad at himself when he realized he frightened me that I felt bad for making him feel like that to himself. He said I could hit him, and he was so confused when I didn't. I want to know what happened to him that that would be a reasonable solution to him. But anyways he said I could and I took his hands and put them around my hips and hugged him. He didn't know what to do. It was sad. I want to know who did that too him.