Stef
I put Brandon in charge and then went to drive around town to find her. I brushed away the tears and tried to focus on finding my wife. Crying and feeling bad for myself isn't going to help matters. She's walking and doesn't know the town she can't get too far.
That's another thing that worries me. She doesn't know the town and she's wondering around it by herself at like three in the morning. God forbid the same thing that happened last time happen this time.
I drove around for a while before finding her. I could tell she was crying and I was just so happy I found her safe.
"Lena" I said pulling next to her and getting out. I went over and hugged her without even thinking of it. She tensed up in my arms and I pulled away.
"Hey you scared me" I said and I know she doesn't want to come home with me.
"Sorry" she said and wiping the tears away from her eyes.
"Come on let's go home and we can talk about this there" I said and she nodded. I put my hand on her shoulder and she flinched up like i was gonna hit her and it brought tears to my eyes.
I hate thinking about what happened to her. I wish I could go back in time and stop what happened or at least find her sooner and carry her out of the house before anything really bad happened to her. But I can't, I can't change time and I can't save her from what already happened. And it's all my fault. I was the one that should have protected her that night. I should have came and got her before I left and make sure my wife was safe. If I could I would just hold her and keep her where I know she safe forever but obviously I can't do that. So instead I just have to try my best with the circumstances and try to deal with the guilt that I know it's all because of me.
We drove back in awkward silence as i was just relieved I found her. I'm sure she is feeling the exact opposite feeling.
"I know you don't believe me, but you really are safe at home" I said and I know i'm not getting though to her. Now on top of everything else I have to worry about her taking off. How am I suppose too keep her at home where she is safe without reinforcing her believe that I own her. Am I really just gonna have to hope that she doesn't run away again? It's really my only option it's not like i'm gonna lock her in the basement.
"I'm sorry" she said and I forced a smile. I know she's scared. I know she's scared i'm gonna hurt her or something, that's pretty clear by how she flinched when I touched her.
"It's ok, I know you're scared but you really don't have to be. I promise you we really aren't that bad of people." I said and I know it's in one ear and out the other.
"Please don't run away again. I don't want anything too happen to you" I said and she nodded. He is still running loss and if I don't find her quick enough next time he could take her even easier than the last time. No too mention he is not the only trouble she can run into in the middle of the night. This town is nowhere near as safe as we would like to think it is.
Lena
The next day we continued with learning the alphabet, because I keep mixing up M and N. I'm still waiting for her too hit me or lock me in the basement or something but she hasn't yet. I wish she would just get it over with so I can stop worrying about it.
"Ok say it after me…. A,B,C, D,EFG,HIJKLMNOP,QRSTUV,WXY and Z" She said in a sing song voice. I repeated it after her but was getting that mass of letters in the middle mixed up.
"Ok close lets slow it down. P" she said slowing it down and I tried to remember it but i'm too worried she's going to hit me.
"L N O P" I said and I feel like I'm missing one.
"Close" she said and I can tell she's a little frustrated.
"I'm sorry" I said and she looked over at me and shook her head.
"Don't apologize you are doing a great job. That part is the harder part of the alphabet. Everyone says it fast so it's harder to pick up besides most normal adult still have to sing the song in their head too remember the order of those middle letters" she said and I'm kind of glad too here i'm not the only adult that has a bit of a problem with the alphabet.
" P" she repeated and I tried to remember it.
" P" I said and she smiled.
"Good. Now lets try the entire alphabet again." I said and tried to think of how it started,
"A…" she said reminding me.
"Ok A, B, C, D, E…" I started and the kids came home.
"Oh we lost track of time or we would have picked you up" Stephanie said too the kids.
"Where you just teaching her the alphabet?" Jesus asked laughing and I watched as she glared at him.
"Yes, be nice" she said.
"Yeah how long did it take you to learn it anyways" Mariana said to him and he rolled his eyes.
"Be nice too you're brother too." she said and Mariana sighed.
"How is it going?" Brandon asked me and I shrugged.
"She's doing really good. How was school today?" she asked and they all shrugged.
"School" Jesus said groaning. I don't really understand how they talk sometimes
Gina
My husband came over and hugged me and I tried not to flinch. I know I got lucky in comparison to the other victims but that doesn't mean everything is ok. I have been very lucky all my life. I haven't been subjected to any serious racism and have only been around people who aren't racist. I never gave race much of a thought but now I feel so bad about being black. For once in my life I'm scared of my husband and he didn't do anything to me. I thought if I got home alive I would be so glad to see him. Don't get me wrong I am, but on the other hand I'm scared of him. I still know it's 2015, and have my memories which according to the cops make me lucky. I still remember who my husband is. He's a caring, dedicated man who never cared about our racial differences. So why am I afraid of him? Just because he is a white man?
Stef
I went to go grill some chicken on the grill, it's all we have been having since she got home four days ago and I know the kids are sick of it but she can't digest red meats yet, when I noticed we are all out. I looked in the fridge and noticed we are all out of milk and pretty much everything else. I sighed before turning around to Lena.
"Hey you want to go to the grocery store?" I asked and she gave me a weird look.
"Grocery store?" She asked shocking me. Did anything exist in 1903?
"Yeah grocery store, where you buy food? Did they really not have grocery stores in your time" I said and she shook her head.
"I never heard of them" she said.
"Well if you want to go you can, nothing exciting but you really haven't left the house since coming home... Well minus... Never mind. It's up to you" I said and she nodded. I think she's afraid to be in the house without me. She hasn't really left my side since coming home. I'm not complaining I'm just worried she's going to have trouble being independent.
We left letting the kids know we would be back.
"I think you just like the car" I said and she laughed. She's a little more at ease when it is just me and her and this car seems to bring out a little more of Lena than anything else.
"Well it's fun, and still makes no sense" she said and I laughed.
"You have seen other electronics but the car is just mind blowing to you still?" I said and she laughed.
"How does it move by itself?" She asked and I laughed.
"It's not I'm driving it, and it's called gasoline."I said and she looked at me confused.
"Gasoline?" She asked.
"Yeah it makes it run, you burn it to make energy. Anyways you don't need to worry about that yet" I said and she nodded.
"How does the radio work then?" She asked and I laughed.
"Well..." I started before realizing I don't really know.
"Similar to a telephone... Just its a recording, sometimes." I said having no idea how to explain it. She is just like her old self she really wants to learn about everything. She gets so proud of herself when she figure something out. Jude tried to teach her the tv the other day and she took over an hour trying to figure it out, which is fine minus the fact that after she 'figured it out' I had to fix the tv.
"Wait how am I suppose to get in?" She said confusing me.
"What do you mean get in? It's a local store not a bar." I said even though she could get into a bar to.
What she said next ruined the cuteness a moment before.
"Isnt it a white store?" She asked and it took me a second before I realized she's talking about segregation. This whole drama is just a reminder that the 'good old days' weren't exactly good.
"We don't do segregation anymore" I stated and she looked at me like I said we don't breathe air anymore.
"What?" She asked.
"There isn't white stores and black stores there are just stores" I said and she still didn't seem to understand that. I need to get her out more or else she won't understand the social changes apply to outside the house too.
"Wait, so they really let n*ggers in?" She asked shocked and i looked at her shocked to hear that word come out of her mouth. Sure I get that back then it was a commonly used and accepted term but still Lena using the N word? My Lena?
"What? We don't call people that!" I said almost yelling it like a parent would. If one of my kids were to say that they would be in so much trouble. I have to remind myself that she was in a way raised with that and she doesn't get what she just said. I just don't want her ever saying that in public, even though she could get away with it, but still.
"I'm sorry I didnt mean to raise my voice. We don't use that word anymore. Please don't use it again especially about yourself" I said and she nodded.
"I'm sorry..."
"It's ok, you just took me by surprise" I said and she nodded.
"My therapist said that too" she said and I smiled at her.
"Well he's right. Speaking of therapists you have an appointment tomorrow" I said and she nodded even though I know she doesn't like it.
We got to the grocery store and she looked around shocked that people of all different ethnicity are in here and no one but here is shocked by it.
"Ok we only really have a few things too get" I said going to grab a gallon of milk and she was looking around shocked at all the processed foods. I kept moving thinking she was following me and when I turned around she wasn't behind me. Shit!
"Lena" I said going back in the direction that I went. When I found her she was on the verge of a panic attack, tears in her eyes. Shit, i'm going to have too keep an eye on her like she is a child. People around us where looking at us in shock, then quickly looking away probably thinking she is slow or something.
"Hey you are ok" I said feeling bad. I'm not used to being out with Lena and having too feel responsible for her like I would the kids when they were young.
"I lost you" she said and I sighed.
"Yeah and we are going to prevent that from happening again. Keep a hold of the chart" I said and she did.
"Lets just get a few more things and get you home ok" I said and she nodded.
"I'm sorry"
"Don't be, that was my fault" I said hating that I have to treat her like a child.
Stewart
Do too the weather we haven't been able too flew out to see Lena yet. It's been over a week since she was found and thanks to the snowstorms our flights keep get pushed back. We were originally suppose to fly out the day after and today is the day we finally get to fly out.
I'm so glad she was found and is ok, more or less. I can't wait until I get too see her. I'm also just happy that Dana hasn't killed someone yet. I honestly thought she would start a fight with the people at the airport.
" I can't wait to see her" She said and I took her hand.
"Me either" I said and she looked at me sadly.
"She's not herself" she said and I sighed.
"I know, but she's still our daughter." I said and she nodded.
"Not too her through" she said and i know she's right.
"It doesn't change that we are her parents. Soon Lena will have her memories back and we will have her back" I said and she sighed.
"She thinks she's the maid" she said and we have had this conversation many times.
"I know, she thinks it's 1903, but she will come around. Stef warned me she's not taking too well too white men" I said and she nodded.
"Well can you blame her?" she asked and I shook my head.
"No it's just gonna be hard." I said and she nodded.
"I know well she just needs to talk to a black person to get the point across and apparently I'm the first one she's going to get to talk to" she said and I know she isn't looking forward to sitting her down and having that conversation with her.
"Yeah well it's good she has you" I said and she sighed.
Let me know what you think.