Max: (Looks around) Where's Jordan?
Jacob: He was so depressed by the last chapter that he went back home and shut himself up in his room, refusing to talk to anybody.
Tom: That's a sheer case of denial, for sure.
Crow: Oh, yeah, definitely.
James: (Notices that they are both a beat up) Uh…What happened to you two?
Tom: Nutcase got angry during a review and—
Max: Say no more.
Kaitlin: You probably deserved it anyway…
Tom: HEY!
Jacob: ANYway, because of Jordan's absence, I had to call someone to take his place this chapter.
Kaitlin: Who? Claus?
Jacob: No…
Jaron: Sonic?
Jacob: Uh, no…
James: Gantz or Nutcase, maybe?
Jacob: What? No!
Lucas: Who, then?
Jacob: Uh…
(Suddenly, the door explodes rather violently, generating an eye-watering cloud of dust. When it clears, it reveals--)
Tom and Crow: PEARL FORRESTER??!?!?!??!?!
Pearl: Well, HELLO, robots. Long time no see. Seen any soul-crushing movies lately?
Kaitlin: (Turns to Jacob) Pearl?! You called PEARL?!?!?!
Jacob: Er, 'called' isn't the right word…
Kaitlin: Ah. She threatened?
Jacob: Yeah.
Pearl: Wait wait wait wait. Where the heck is Jordan?
Jacob: He called in sick today…
Pearl: What?! Oh, that just takes the fun out of everything. (Looks around) And this place is FILTHY! How do you knuckleheads manage?
(Suddenly, a light fixture comes crashing down, nearly hitting James, who jumps in shock)
Pearl: That does it. Everyone, I'm taking charge. (Jacob opens his mouth) NO COMPLAINTS!!!!!!! We will start with a complete overhaul of this CRAPPY booth. No offense, but this place looks horrible, you can't deny that, but with me around we'll be able to make this a respectable and also good-looking evil lair.
Jacob: We're not evil, Pearl.
Pearl: Too bad, I am. We'll need fifty miles of steel girder and—
Rika: Start the chapter already!!!!!!!
Chapter Ten
The Wonderful World of Tom Servo and Crow
(Jacob: Hey, wait a minute!
Rika: That's not the name we came up with!
Pearl: You're right. Here's a better one:)
Chapter Ten
The Wonderful World of Pearl Forrester
(Jacob: …
Jaron: HERE'S a better one:)
Chapter Ten
Mystery Science Theater: Roxai Concord Edition!
(Jacob: Slightly better… I guess.
Pearl: What's wrong with mine?!
Rika: EVERYTHING.
Pearl: Grrrrr…
Lucas: A-actually…Rika and I wrote a song. Want to hear it?
Jacob: When did you—?!
Jaron: Remember when you guys went to the dental lab to help clean up?
Jacob: Oh… Well, you could've asked me for help!
Pearl: (Snorts) A DENTAL lab? Please.
Jacob: What's wrong with that?!
Pearl: As your little girlfriend stated before, EVERYTHING.
Jacob: (blushes) mmmff…..
Jaron: Guys?
Rika: Oh, yeah, right… Don't worry Jacob, I think you'll love it.
Tom and Crow: Start the Season 10 theme music!)
Three…
Two…
One…
GO!!!
In the not-too-distant future,
Far beyond Time and Space,
There was a scheme being hatched
By a very familiar face,
This face had a large and very spiky shell
Who breathed fire from the very depths of Hell.
He used his evil army to dispatch all his foes,
That is, until he met the Super Mario Bros.! (Ma… Ri…. OOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!)
Bowser: "I'll get those annoying brothers!
Then I'll get my Princess Peach! (Kammy: La la la!)
"But every time I get near her,
She's just outside my reach." (La la la!)
Now keep in mind Bowser doesn't have
The biggest brain, at the day's end,(La la la!)
Things'll get a whole lot worse for him
With Jaron and his friends.
He-ro ROLL CALL!!
Jaron! (That's my name, speed's my game!)
Kaitlin! (Just watch!)
Max Chadi! (Don't call me Maxwell!)
JaaaAAAAAAAAAAMES! (WOAH!)
If you're wondering how they eat and breathe,
and all those science facts, (lalala!)
Just keep in mind it's just a fic,
so you should really just relax
For Mario Science Theater 3000!!!!!
Chapter Ten
MTS (Multiple Title Syndrome)
Nightime.
…Wait, what purpose does typing that one word serve? ANYWAY…
At nighttime, the cat came out, if only to savor the sweet evening air. Tonight, however, she came out for a more serious purpose.
She averted her gaze toward the castle towering above her, keeping her eyes fixed on a window on the fifth floor. She could see shapes moving around inside, but even with her telescopic gaze she couldn't really tell who they were. She didn't move her attention from this window until she heard the footsteps behind her. She turned to briefly acknowledge the being with a nod, then, staying by his side, walked with him toward the castle.
"Blood pressure at 109/70. Heartrate at one beat per two seconds. Everything else seems normal." Done with the examination, the large vacuum-cleaner looking robot (that's what she looks like, honest) with a nurse's hat turned to Dr. Mario. "Do you know what's wrong with him, Doctor?"
As astonishing as many will hear it (NOT), not only was Mario a hero, plumber and occasional referee for boxing matches, he was also a doctor. I have no idea where exactly he received his doctorate or PhD, but no doubt it made him very professional and official.
"Sorry, no, Gypsy," Dr. Mario sighed. Kaitlin, Max, and James had brought in Jaron looking bruised, bloodied, and as a green hedgehog earlier that day, after the Spartans had fled. Mario and Gypsy (the latter having basic medical training) had managed to clean him up to the best of their ability, but had failed in every attempt to wake him up.
Mario was jarred from his thoughts by Crow shrieking, "Live, Jaron, LIVE!!!!!!" whilst simultaneously pounding his chest.
"Uh, Gypsy—"
"Yeah, hold on." She turned to Crow. "CROW!!!!"
Cue the impromptu shriek, then Crow fleeing at high speed. "Better?"
"Yeah, thanks."
Max walked over to Jaron, who was lying on the hospital bed, fully unconscious. One of the perks of being friends with a princess is the ability to summon medical equipment at will if needed. As such, Jaron was surrounded with IV drips, heart monitors, pacemakers, the usual stuff you'd find in a hospital.
…None of it being enough to wake him up, however. Oh, and Tom and Crow weren't helping. But is that a surprise?
"COME BACK TO LIFE!!!!"
I thought not.
(Pearl: On a side note, I sold the naming rights of the chapter to my son, so now it's called
Chapter Ten:
Clayton Forrester, Secret Agent Man
so please call it as such.
Rika: You can't just—
Pearl: I just did. Moving on…
Jacob: I now regret letting her come here. On a side note, Rika, the song was EPIC IN EVERY WAY!!!!!!1!!!11!!
Rika: (smiling) Thank you!)
Meanwhile, Bowser Jr. was doing his own way of "contributing to the cause". In other words, marching around and banging a drum loud enough to be heard from Mars.
"WILL YOU QUIT THAT?!"
"Ah, make me, ya big palooka!"
This was followed by Joel swooping in like a bat and grabbing Jr., lifting him into the air and causing him to drop the drum. "LEMME GO! LEMME GO, YOU BIG BULLY, OR I'LL TELL MY PAPA!!!"
Kaitlin glanced at Luigi. "His papa?"
"Bowser," Luigi sighed.
"Oh. Wait, Bowser?! Who the heck would marry THAT guy?"
In the meantime, Mike, while plugging his nose, was waving a smelling salt in front of Jaron's, and was having no effect. "Weird, that always works…"
"Let me try that." Before Mike could protest, Max had taken the smelling salt and gave it a whiff, with obvious results.
"GAAAAAAAAAH!!!! WHAT IS IN THAT THING!?!?!? IT'S LIKE BOWSER BELCHED IN MY FACE!!!!!! UGH!!!!!"
James grabbed the salt and immediately crushed it. "Maybe THAT will teach you not to smell things like that. Any OTHER ideas?"
"Yeah, kill all smelling salts… ugh…"
"Actually, we haven't done this yet," said Tom.
Before anyone could help him, he brought himself RIGHT NEXT to Jaron's ear and screamed, "WAKE THE !#!%# UP NOW, YOU CRETIN!!!!!"
Okay, pop quiz: Did that have any chance of waking him up at all?
…
If you guessed no, then THANK GOD.
"Tom…" Joel said calmly (though everyone could detect a hint of asperity in his voice), "I don't think that helps much."
"I know what will, though," said Crow.
And before anyone could stop him, he launched into song:
Open up your heart and let the Patrick Swayze Christmas in.
We'll gather at the Road House with our next of kin.
And Santa can be our regular Saturday night thing.
We'll decorate a barstool and gather round and sing.
Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year!
Or we'll tear your throat out and kick you in the ear,
It's my way or the highway, this Christmas at my bar.
I'll have to smash your kneecaps if you bastards touch my car!
I got the word that Santa has been stealing from the till.
I think that that right jolly old elf had better make out his will!
Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and AWWWWWK!!!!
Thankfully, Kaitlin had grabbed Crow by the throat before he could finish the horrible, HORRIBLE song. "YOU…" Crow practically withered in her vicelike grip, as he awaited her unholy wrath.
Only for her to deposit him in Joel's arms. "YOU can deal with him, if you don't mind."
"Thank you." He then proceeded to drag Crow out of the room, the robot's pleas falling on deaf ears:
"C'mon, Joel, I didn't mean it, you KNOW I have a fine singing voice, worthy of an Emmy, right? Uh…Have I ever told you how gorgeous your eyes are? Wha—AAAAGH!"
(Pearl: On a different subject, Clayton sold the naming rights to Patrick Swayze, so now it's called
Chapter Ten:
A Patrick Swayze Christmas
so no hard feelings.)
"Is he always like this?" James asked Luigi.
"Yep."
After a debatable series of short-lived events involving a great pizza pie that was amore and all that, Crow managed to evade Joel.
For three seconds.
"Oh, come on, Joel! It was just an innocent carol, that's all!"
"Innocent carol? Crow, that was the worst—"
"Hey look, the naming rights for the chapter!"
"Really? Where?"
Crow took this opportunity to flee toward the front doors, confused by the fact that Joel fell for it but eager to escape until the heat died down.
And no, he did NOT know where he was going. "OOOOF!!" This resulted in him falling backward with a crash after running slapbang into someone. "OW! Watch where you're going, you …."
If Crow could produce saliva, his mouth would've gone dry with fear at the sight of the intimidating MAN before him. Said MAN gave him a single glance, acknowledged Joel with a brief nod, then walked by them both toward the staircase, the cat following behind.
(Pearl: Not to butt in, but the chapter naming rights was given to Crow as a present, so it's now called
Chapter Ten:
The Wrath of MAN
so call it that way.)
Kaitlin eyed Bowser.
Bowser eyed Kaitlin.
"Remind me WHY you're here again?"
"None of your beeswax, little girl. Now run along and go text your friends, or whatever teenage girls do these days."
Subtle, Kaitlin thought. Namine (oh, sorry, Holly, I mean) winced a little—Bowser scared the pants (or lack thereof) off here. Kaitlin, however, had somehow managed to get on Bowser's bad side the instant the two of them had laid eyes on each other. But how? Was it the way she acted? No, wait, what was she thinking? It was obviously her fashion sense. Or her temper. Or her voice. Maybe her eating habits? It could be anything, really.
She was interrupted from her thoughts by the big brute asking, "Have I seen you somewhere before?"
"I honestly hope to God no. Why?"
"You look familiar."
"…And?"
"What'd you mean, and?"
"Look, if you're done, I'm going to check up on my friend." And with that, she started walking toward Jaron's room.
As she walked, Bowser caught up with her. "What's with that little brat, anyway? He your boyfriend or something?"
Kaitlin stopped dead in her tracks. Somehow, I knew that was gonna come up sooner or later. Turning to Bowser, she stated, quite calmly, "Look, I am going to say this once, and only once. Friends we may be, but Jaron and I are NOT an item, okay? He's just a friend—and a rather silly one, definitely, but a friend nonetheless. Okay?"
Bowser snorted (LOUDLY), but made no further comment.
They entered the room just as Luigi stated, "Okay, so we know that the kazoo band idea fell a little flat, so we need another idea."
"All right, that leaves us no alternative," Tom said seriously. "Let's CUT HIM OPEN!" He lifted up a terrifying R-rated chainsaw complete with hellfire spewing flamethrowers, acid tipped razor blades, and a flowerbed.
(Pearl: As annoying as my constant interruptions are, I am sorry to report that Crow lost the naming rights to Tom, so the chapter is now called
Chapter Ten:
The Texas Chainsmoker's Mascara
so please refer to it accordingly.)
"We are NOT cutting him open!" Mario said firmly. Tom put away the chainsaw in disappointment.
"Well, then, oh Intelligent One, how do you suggest we go about reviving him from his slumber, HMMMMMMM?!"
"Let me try," Bowser said gruffly.
And before anyone could stop him, he roared "WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!" so loudly it could be heard around the world.
Still nothing.
Suddenly, Bowser had a brilliant and nefarious plan. It was evil, it was diabolical, and it was , very, VERY unnerving. Okay, it was too unnerving. Way, way, WAY too unnerving.
"I have a plan," he announced. Tom and Crow both groaned audibly.
"Does this involve a stash of Dr. Pepper and you kidnapping Peach…AGAIN?" Crow complained.
Bowser ignored him. "I saw we have the girl kiss him."
This was promptly followed by a loud "WHAT?!" by Kaitlin, James, and Max, Max being the loudest.
"Oh, I get it," said Tom, "It'll be like Sleeping Beauty, but backwards. Am I right, or am I wrong?"
(Pearl: He's totally wrong, and because of that, the chapter is now
Chapter Ten
Neil Simon's "The Sunshine Boys"
So if you have ANY complaints, you can call Jordan at this number--
Jacob: PEARL!
Pearl: What now?
Rika: It's against our policy to release that sort of information to the public!
Pearl: And your point is…?
(Meanwhile, Jaron, Kaitlin, and James are in a corner)
Kaitlin: She's getting on my nerves.
James: She's horrible. How could Jacob let her be here?
Jaron: I don't think it's Jacob's fault.
Kaitlin: What I don't get is how she knows Jordan.
James: A good question, but since we can't ask him about it, we need a way to get rid of her.
Kaitlin: I suggest poison.
Jaron: Kaitlin!
James: Let's try something that's not life threatening, okay?
Jaron: I have an idea. (Starts to whisper to the others.))
"The answer is NO." Kaitlin can be very blunt, almost to a fault.
"Well, FINE, reject my idea… stunt the growth of my creativity… for that matter, just throw me off a cliff, why doncha?"
"That, Bowser, can be arranged…"
"KAITLIN!"
"What? Max, you KNOW he deserves it…"
"True, he deserves every beat down he gets, and then some—"
"HEY!!!"
"But now you're just being malicious, and like it or not, the courts won't like it."
"Aww, come on Max---"
"YES!! BOWSER FOR THE WIN!!!! Screw you, everyone who doesn't get along with me!"
(Tom: I win the bet. Pay up.
Crow: Grumble…)
"Mmmf…"
Nearly everyone in the room spun in unison at the sound. Jaron, however, remained silent, and they all groaned in frustration.
"If that wasn't Jaron," Nurse Gypsy asked no one in particular, "Who was it?"
"Trust me, it was Jaron," said Kaitlin. "I know it was. But then again, I wouldn't be surprised if Bowser was playing tricks—"
"Oh, I see how it is, blame the Koopa, you little brat, is it because I have a shell on my back?"
"Oh, don't give me that tone, you!"
"Can't you two stop arguing?"
Once again, everyone spun around in unison to witness the sight of the man in the doorway. Leaning against the doorway with a cool expression on his face, the red-haired individual in the white habit looked at them all.
"Who the HELL are you?" Bowser demanded.
"My name is only important to a certain individual on the hospital bed, not to you." The random stranger from seemingly nowhere retorted. Bowser fumed silently, but made no other comment.
"Do you know Jaron?" asked James.
"Yes, but he doesn't know me."
"That makes no sense."
"No input from you, Koopa Klutz."
"Why you LITTLE—is EVERYONE against me today?!"
"Five bucks says yes," Kaitlin whispered to Max.
"I HEARD THAT!!"
"…
…
…
…GAH! What the—"
Jaron flailed around wildly before realizing that he was floating in midair. Calming down a bit, he looked around to see…well, nothing.
Okay, not necessary NOTHING, but it was really dark. As in nightime dark, the kind on foggy nights. As far as he could tell, he was totally alone.
"HELLO!!!" No response. "This is pretty lonely…"
"…Ahahahaha…."
"Huh?! Who's there?"
Hearing no response at first, Jaron began to hear the slow yet sure sounds of laughter.
"At last we meet, Roxai."
"Huh?! How do you know my name?"
More echoing silence—wait, how can silence ECHO?
"Heh…I have waited so long for this…I have watched you for some time, you know. Your battles, your traveling… I know it all."
Jaron was getting more and more creeped out. Wait a sec—"Have you been STALKING me?!
"…Unbelievable. Are you really that stupid?"
Jaron was beginning to get upset. "Why is everyone calling me stupid today? First Anti-Jaron, then some creepy voice…I have FEELINGS, you know!"
The voice continued to ignore Jaron. "I have waited for so long. For too long, actually. But I have been patient. I could wait. But now, I may never get another opportunity."
Jaron was beyond unnerved now. "Who the heck are you?! Are you that real estate guy? I already said I don't want a house!"
No comeback this time. Just an awkward pause, then suddenly--
"I…am your destiny, boy!"
Suddenly, a hand—a DEAD hand—materialized in front of Jaron and reached for him. Now understandably freaked out, Jaron attempted to back (or float) away from it, only for it to reach closer for him, for what, he had no idea—
Suddenly, a bright light engulfed the hand, and everything turned white…this was accompanied by an infuriated roar—
"MEDDLESOME GIRL!"
…………………………………………..Jaron?
Everything was silent, but it wasn't the silence that would make you uneasy. This was more like a comforting silence. Jaron didn't know where he was, but he wasn't scared. On the contrary, he felt calm and peaceful. He could feel the arms of someone wrap themselves around him, comforting him, pulling him close as if to protect him from harm. He knew this presence… this smell, even. He hadn't even smelled it in four years.
…Four lonely and sad years.
"…Mom…?"
Slowly but surely, Kioko began to sing his favorite lullaby.
"What do you MEAN we have to wait?!" Kaitlin demanded angrily.
"There is no way to wake him up otherwise, ma'am. Or would you rather try HIS method?" He jammed his thumb in Tom Servo's direction.
"Oh, yes, please do, I haven't tested my new contraption yet and I don't know the hazards involved."
Kaitlin wisely kept her mouth shut.
"…mmm…"
As if perfectly synchronized, everyone turned their heads toward the bed simultaneously. There was complete silence for a moment, then Jaron's eyes opened.
"…Where the heck am I?" he asked groggily.
"JARON!"
"Gah!" Kaitlin had immediately flung herself at him, grabbing him in sheer relief.
"Don't EVER do that again, you hear me?!" she shouted. "For crying out loud, we thought you were DEAD!"
"Hey, hey, calm down, Kaitlin!" Jaron exclaimed as Holly continued to lick him on the cheek in sheer relief.
"Well, actually," Nurse Gypsy explained. "If some one is in a coma, they're still actually alive—"
"He was pierced in the chest," Bowser stated bluntly.
"Well, there are spots in the chest that don't have vital organs—"
"He was pierced in the HEART."
"Still—"
"Who cares?!" Max yelled. "Jaron's awake!"
"You make it sound like I was gone for good or something…" Jaron mumbled.
"Well, we thought you were! For crying out loud, we thought you died!"
"Meh…" Jaron mumbled. It was then he noticed the man. "Who's he?"
The man bowed. "It's a pleasure to meet your acquaintance at last, Mr. Roxai. My name is Nova."
He was immediately interrupted by Crow running into the room looking extremely panicked. "Guys, quick! A strange and unsettling man is coming this way—" He looked at Nova. "Hi, nice to meet you—and he's big and—" It suddenly hit Crow who he just talked to. "You're—you're—you're the—the—the—PANIC!!!!!!"
(Pearl: Once again, the naming rights were given away, so know it's
Chapter Ten:
It Came to Me In a Dream… And I Lost It In Another Dream.
So call it that way, or ELSE!
Jaron: Hey, Pearl!
Pearl: Yeah, what?
Jaron: I need to ask you something…Jordan put my favorite magazine in his personal closet, and I'm not allowed in there, so could you go in and get it?
Pearl: Uh…why can't you do it?
Jaron: I'm not allowed, and Jordan would know if I went in there.
Pearl: I guess I could…BUT JUST THIS ONCE! (Goes into closet)Wait a minute…Jordan doesn't have a—
(Door slams shut)
Jaron: I told you guys this escape pod would work!
Kaitlin: Destination: Canada! (Escape pod goes off) Finally…no more Pearl.
Jacob: HA! We TOLD you it would work!
Rika: PAY UP!
James: (unintelligible grumbling))
As Crow proceeded to panic ("AAAAAGH!!!!!!!!! JOEL! JOEL! JOEL! WHAT'REWEGONNADOWHAT'REWEGONNADOAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!"), Kaitlin turned to Jaron. "Seriously, though…we really thought you died."
"I said—oh, you mean when that woman—"
"Yeah. How come you didn't…"
Jaron shook his head. "Believe me, if I knew I'd tell you, but I haven't a single clue."
"I have a theory—" Tom started.
"He is NOT Jesus! Jesus has a forest on his chin, this guy has a bald chin," Mike snapped.
Jaron rolled his eyes. "Whatever…anyway, I'm sorry for fainting like that, you guys."
"You must've been exhausted, Jaron. Nobody's blaming you."
"It wasn't exhaustion," Nova interrupted. Everyone stared at him. Sighing, he sat down on the side of the hospital bed. "Jaron, I am going to ask you something, and I beg that you remember the answer. Have you ever had any trouble breathing? And if you had, was it ever followed by you fainting?"
Jaron thought thought for a moment. "Actually, yeah…a couple days ago, I felt like I couldn't breathe properly in the castle…and a while after that, I fainted when I shook Zane's hand. And the last time I fainted I felt like my lungs were filled up or something. Why?"
Nova closed his eyes. "…Well, I figured."
"So he has asthma. Big deal," Bowser grumbled.
"It WASN'T asthma. It looks like asthma, sounds like asthma, tastes like asthma, but it's not asthma."
"TASTES like asthma?" Tom asked.
"What does asthma taste like?" asked Mike.
"I don't know…" Joel murmured.
"I assume it's something rather tart," said Crow, who had calmed down. Nova closed his eyes, silently counted to ten, then turned to Crow and pointed at his net, which for some reason lit up like a light bulb. "HEY!!"
"The look suits you." Bowser snorted. Nova ignored this and turned to look at Jaron. "As I was saying…you don't have asthma, but…"
"But?" Jaron was beginning to feel uneasy.
"… but you do still have something wrong with you."
"There's ALWAYS something wrong with me."
"What?! What the heck does THAT mean?!" Max demanded.
"It means only one thing, and one thing only…" Tom said dramatically. "He is a nomad sent from Jesus to inflict a plague on all mankind for being seriously f*#%ed up for the last 500 years or so. Right?" Tom said in a matter-of-fact voice.
A complete silence followed this oh-so-epic announcement, then Nova, obviously annoyed, turned to Tom, then pointed at him, which somehow set his cloak on fire. "HEY!!!! I just dry-cleaned that!!!"
(Max: Uh, Jacob…
Jacob: Yeah?
Max: I just got a call…Apparently, Chris McClean has the naming rights now, so we have to call it
Chapter Ten:
Total Drama Chapter of Pure AWESOME!!!!!!1!
Jacob: Who let THIS GUY get them?
Max: I don't know…
Jacob: They're fired, whoever they are.)
"Well, you DID deserve it. Now, could you leave for a moment? I need to talk to Jaron alone."
Tom snorted. "Hey, I have just as much right to be here, buddy, and so does Crow, and Gypsy, and Mario, and Luigi, and Joel, and me, and Mike, and me, and me, and—GAH!"
Joel had grabbed him by the dome. "And on that note, we'll be going." They marched out single-file, with Tom squawking a LONG tirade of complaints and profanities uttered by hyped-up twelve year olds on Halloween in Georgia. "—and UNICEFT IS A SCAM BY THE PRESIDENT'S CABINET TO ROB PEOPLE OF THEIR SPARE CHANGE! SURE, IT'S JUST TWELVE CENTS, BUT MULTIPLY THAT TIMES THE 568 MILLION PEOPLE IN THE U.S., AND YOU HAVE OVER $68 MILLION DOLLARS IN ONE SITTING, THOSE BACK-STABBING BA—" Luckily, the door slammed shut to save their eardrums from any more torture, though Holly did her best not to giggle so much.
"As I was saying," Nova said in a tone that indicated that nobody was to speak of what had just happened, "You do have something wrong with you, but it's not anything you can ask anyone about."
"What is it?"
"You sure you want to know?"
"Yeah."
"Are you absolutely positive?"
"Yes!"
"Are you really—"
"YES! Just tell me, for crying out loud!"
Nova rolled his eyes, though he had to stifle a chuckle. "I was just joking. You remind me of a friend of mine…Anyway, what you have…well…it's been labeled as a disease, but in reality it's more like a curse. Few people have heard the name, even fewer know what it does, and only two people in all of history actually had the misfortune of having it."
"Sounds pretty bad."
"…You know, most people would get pretty nervous upon hearing my words."
"Yeah, well," Jaron put his hands behind his head, "I'm not really most people, am I?"
Nova smirked. "You certainly aren't. As I was saying…what you have is…well, I doubt you'll know what the name means. It's called El Corazón del Diablo…ever heard of it?"
Judging from Jaron's blank expression, he hadn't.
"Sounds vaguely Spanish," Max noted.
Jaron looked baffled. "What's El Cor…thingamajig?"
"As I said before, it's classified as a disease, and barely anybody knows about it. Last time I counted, only eleven people know of its existence, and only four of them know its name."
"Including you?"
"Yeah. The effects of it…well, it's essentially like asthma, but that is only a side effect."
"That implies something worse, doesn't it?" Max asked.
"You're right." Nova hesitated. "Well…It's a lot more life threatening than normal asthma—"
"It's not terminal, is it?" Jaron asked.
Kaitlin, Max, and James looked at him. "You know what terminal means?!" Kaitlin asked, bewildered.
"What, you mean I shouldn't?"
"Jaron, I have never even seen you with a thesaurus. Where the heck did you hear that?!"
"Why are you so surprised? It's just one word! Big deal!"
"Can we get back to the subject?" Nova interrupted loudly. The four of them looked slightly sheepish. "As I was saying…this condition isn't definitively terminal, but it CAN kill you if you aren't careful. It's not like you can tell when it'll show up. It'll strike you when you least expect it, and, more often than not, in inconvenient situations."
"Like when Jaron was stabbed in the heart?" Kaitlin asked.
"Yes."
"Wait, does it have something to do with when Jaron came back to life, or whatever he did?" Max asked, confused.
"Actually, yes. To be honest, he didn't really die. He may have blacked out for a moment, but he wasn't dead. You see, El Corazón del Diablo has a rather odd, yet convenient, side effect. If the heart is damaged in some way, the virus—for lack of a better term, repairs all possible damage, no matter what it is."
"Uh…wow. That IS convenient," Jaron noted. "So, what's the bad part?"
That was rather straightforward, Nova thought. "Well, the more times the heart is damaged, the higher the chance of the virus striking you increases, as well as the frequency."
"Oh…well… what exactly DOES happen in an attack?"
This kid never deviates from what's on his mind… Nova mused. "Well, somewhat like an asthma attack, but without as much lack of air. You also become dizzy, and your limbs become rather weak, not to mention rather severe chest pain. You also may faint."
"How severe is the chest pain?" Max asked.
"Imagine millions of tiny scalpels strapped to your heart, and they all expand outward. That, times ten, is the general description of the pain."
For once in his life, Jaron had no comeback. No, wait—"Does it give me gas? I just wanna know…"
Nova couldn't hold back anymore. He had to laugh. "Hahahahahahahahaaaaa! I—I just—bwahahaha!"
Jaron smiled a little, but he still wanted an answer. "Is that a no?"
"It was a no, Jaron," Kaitlin pointed out, as Nova held his sides as he laughed.
James decided to ask a question, though he waited for Nova to catch his breath to ask it. "Does it have to be the heart specifically, or the arteries connecting the heart to the rest of the body?"
"Both. It doesn't matter WHAT part of the heart it is. As long as it is a part of the organ itself, it WILL be affected."
Kaitlin suddenly had a thought. "Wait, is there a cure?"
At this, Nova fell silent. Kaitlin wondered if she had struck a nerve, then Nova said, rather quietly, "No. There isn't. There used to be a cure, but not anymore."
All for of them looked severely disappointed. "Why not?!" Max demanded.
"I…would rather not talk about it. I do know how to keep it under control, though." He reached into his pocket, and, with the air of a dramatic street magician, pulled out—
"An inhaler?" Kaitlin's voice was full of disbelief.
"Believe it or not, the medicine used against asthma can be used to keep the virus under control a little… and I stress, A LITTLE."
"…I don't believe you," Kaitlin stated bluntly.
"I did NOT expect you to."
"And what is THAT supposed to mean?!"
"Just because a fact is truth, does not mean it will be believed immediately after it is stated."
"Are you saying that—"
Holly gave a yip of shock Jaron immediately grabbed his chest, pain evident on his expression. "ARRHG!"
"Jaron!"
"…M-medic…ow!"
Nova immediately shoved the inhaler into his hand. "I suggest you use this!"
Not needing any further prompting, Jaron immediately shoved the mouthpiece into his mouth and pressed the button on the top of the cartridge several times. After a couple of hair raising seconds, he took it out and took a deep breath, asking one question.
"Is that going to happen often?"
Nova exhaled. "Thankfully, no."
"Oh, that's good." And with that, Jaron jumped out of the bed and headed for the door, holding Holly in his arms. "I'm starving. Think there's anything good in the kitchen?"
It took a moment for the others to realize what just happened. "HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!!!!" Kaitlin yelled.
Mike and Joel walked into the entrance hall from the kitchens, chatting. "And then I said to the guy—what the?!"
Joel grabbed Mike and dragged him back, saving him from being run over by several goats. The hall was FULL of goats, making it look like some sort of Springfield Goat Family Reunion or something.
"What the hell's with all the goats?" Was Mike's reaction.
"What the hell's with all this safety railing?" Was Joel's.
Oh, right, I also forgot to mention the RIDICULOUS amount of safety railings littering the hall, most—okay, ALL of them being in the most inconvenient places—in front of doors, on the stairs, that sort of thing. Mike and Joel looked at each other.
"TOM! CROW!!!!!"
"?" was the simultaneous response from the robots. Tom was consulting a book titled "Railings, Balconies and Balustrades," while Crow was dressed like a shepard. Mike and Joel had to literally wade through the sea of goats and railings to reach them. "Guys, what the HECK is going on?" Mike demanded.
"Oh, well, you see, Mike, I decided to go into goat herding to earn some extra cash, and it just so happens that these guys are trying out for the Jesus Christ Manger Pageant Servo and I are hosting next Thursday," Crow blabbed.
"Yes, and I decided that Peach does NOT take her safety seriously," said Tom. "You see, my theory is that she can prevent future kidnappings from Bowser by IMPROVISING and using any and all needed elements to increase her safety, such as these railings."
"Aren't these supposed to only prevent falls, not kidnappings?" Mike reasoned.
"…Hmm. Didn't think of that," admitted Tom as Crow sheparded the goats into a makeshift pen made of—big surprise—safety railings. "Do you think we should try spiked railings instead?"
Barely two minutes had passed and already Joel had enough. "Okay, Tom, Crow—I need you both to get rid of all of this, railings, goats, I don't care, just so long as they're GONE, okay?"
"But Joel—"
"No buts!"
Both robots grumbled as they set to their alloted tasks. It was only until AFTER the goats had left when Crow realised something.
"What happened to the tapestries?"
"MY GOOD HEAVENS!!!"
Any and all tapestries, drapes, and curtains in the hall had been chewed away until they resembeled swiss cheese, and Toadsworth had just noticed.
"MASTER CROW!!!!!! MASTER SERVO!!!!!!!!!"
Both robots promptly fled.
"But Kaitlin—"
"No buts, Jaron!" Kaitlin said firmly as she pushed him back into the bed. "You need your rest as much as the rest of us."
"But—"
"I said NO! Now get back in bed, or I'll have Gypsy put you in a full-body cast!"
Jaron only pouted in response. "Hedgehog or not, that won't work on me, Jaron. Now, is there anything you want me to get you?"
"An apple's fine."
"That all? Okay then. I'll be right back." Kaitlin looked pointedly at Holly. "Make sure he behaves, got it?" Holly gave an affirmative nod, and with that, Kaitlin promptly left. Jaron waited for a minute, then promptly jumped out of the bed and made for the door, but stopped just as he put his hand on the knob. Wait a minute. Turning to face the window, he could see it had a HUGE bulge in the curtain, as if somebody was behind it. Rolling his eyes, though smiling slightly, he slowly tiptoed to the curtain, signaling Holly to shush, then grabbed the rope that held it there.
"Let's see what's behind curtain number ONE!" he exclaimed as he pulled, revealing a very startled Bowser Jr.
"WAUGH!" Jr. immediately stumbled back from Jaron, nearly tripping in the process. "D-don't try anything funny!" he stammered as Jaron took a step; Holly gave a low growl (or as close as a growl can get, anyway). "I can breathe fire!"
"You CAN?" Jaron asked, amazed. "Wow! Can you teach me?"
Jr. was totally thrown by this question. "Uh, well, I don't think I—" THEN he realized what he was saying. "HEY! You can't trick me! I'm the son of the great King Bowser!"
"You're a prince? Hope you're not like that other guy, he was a—wait…" Jaron thought for a moment. "Did you say Bowser?" A nod. "The big spiky guy." "Uh-huh." "The guy who can breathe fire?" "Yep." Jaron contemplated this. "Big spiky…oh." He looked at Jr. "Your dad's THAT Bowser…" He suddenly felt a bit nervous. "Uh…"
It was if Jr. had read his mind. "Yeah, I know who you are!" he exclaimed, pointed an accusatory claw at the green hedgehog. "You're the guy who beat up my papa, you big bully!"
"Hey, in my defense, he attacked me first!" Jaron countered. "And he was breaking and entering! It's HIS fault!"
"Nuh-uh! It's YOUR fault!"
"Hey, he started it! I barely did anything! I'm innocent!"
"Yeah right, ya big—"
Holly looked from one to the other as they argued, wondering if anyone would win this strange argument. Eventually she decided that it was best notworry about it, though Bowser Jr. was giving her the wrong impression.
Jaron immediately interrupted him by extending his hand. "I'm Jaron. What's your name?"
This completely threw Jr. off. In all honesty, he had no answer to this question.
(James: Uh, Jacob…
Jacob: …Let me guess, another title change?
James: Yep:
Chapter Ten
Annnnd…STOP! Hammertime!
Jaron: Who has the rights now?
James: I don't know yet.)
It took Jr. at least a minute to recover. "W-what kind of question is that?!"
"Well, what's in a name? Yours, for example."
"Uh, letters?"
Jaron burst out laughing. "Hahahaha! I guess you're right! But seriously," he continued, "what IS your name, anyway?"
"Uh…Jr.... Bowser Jr."
Jaron nodded. "Makes sense. You DO look like him a little."
Jr. gave him a long, cold stare. "You're too friendly for your own good, you know that?"
"What? There's nothin' wrong with bein' friendly, is there?"
"Uh…"
Suddenly, a loud yell of "JUNIOR! WHERE ARE YOU!!" was heard from downstairs. Jr. nearly jumped a mile. "Uh-oh…I gotta go!" He rushed for the door.
"Hey, wait!" Jr. stopped and turned to face Jaron.
"WHAT?!"
"I just wanted to say that I'll see you sometime," Jaron said honestly.
"W-what?!" Jr. sputtered. "Don't think we're friends or anything!" And with that, he promptly left.
Jaron looked at Holly. "Nice guy, huh?"
"I wouldn't say 'nice', specifically," Holly said quietly.
"I said, I'D be doing the Triple-Layered Chocolate Wedding Cake of Death™ with Amish chocolate!" Tom bellowed.
"And I say, you're an IDIOT!" Crow roared.
Maybe we should step back a bit: Max and James had gone down to the kitchens to see what they could make, and, much to the chef's displeasure, Tom and Crow had decided to recreate the Triple-Layered Chocolate Wedding Cake of Death—as if there WASN'T any more chaos already.
"I still say AMISH chocolate!" Tom declared.
"Do you WANT to blow everyone's minds, Tom?" Crow fumed. "It's bad enough we're making it TRIPLE-layered!"
"We could add cinnamon!"
"Oh so you want a GIRLY spice in the cake, is that it?!"
Kaitlin pinched her nose. "What are they doing?!"
"Making a cake, apparently," Max replied as he munched a fruitcake he had found.
"Is someone getting married?" Jaron asked.
"I seriously dou—HEY!!" Kaitlin glared at Jaron. "You're supposed to be resting!"
"I was hungry!" he countered. Holly looked at Kaitlin with a look and shrugged, as if saying, You know how he is.
"Oh, I know."
They were interrupted by Tom going, "GAH! Don't put that in there! Human digestive systems cannot withstand the might of a kettle in their Gastro-Intestinal tracts!"
"I'm detecting a pattern…" Kaitlin mumbled.
"We must add another layer!" Crow shrieked.
"WHAT?! Are you insane, Crow?!" Tom yelled. "It's bad enough that there's THREE layers, four would be just too hardcore!"
"What about five layers?" Jaron suggested. He shrank as the robot's glares bore into him.
"When it comes to the Wedding Cake of Death™," Crow seethed, "three layers is Bruce Lee, four is Mr. T, five is Chuck Norris, six is Jesus Christ, seven is the Virgin Mary, and anything higher than that is GODLY."
"Why not just cut each layer in half and put frosting in-betwe—"
"HERETIC!!!!!!" Tom and Crow yelled as they rudely shoved Jaron out of the kitchen. "BLASPHEMY!!!! TOTAL BLASPHEMY! HOW DARE YOU EVEN SUGGEST TO DO SUCH A THING TO A CAKE WORTHY OF LEE AND MR. T AND NORRIS AND GOD!!!"
"I don't even know who any of those people are!" Jaron protested as they shoved him out the door.
Tom sniffed. "Blasphemer. Always ruining the finer culinary arts." They both turned to see Jaron sampling some tomato soup with a ladle.
"Hmm, I think it needs more salt."
"GET THE HELL OUT OF OUR KITCHEN!!!!!"
"YOUR kitchen?!" Unfortunately for the robots, the large, imposing Toad cook had overheard, and she was armed with a large ladle.
"RUN AWAY!!!"
"So, how are you doing, Ranulf?" Nova asked.
Ranulf chuckled as he adjusted the bandage over his eye. "Oh, as good as I can be, Nova. Sure, I'm a bit banged up, but it's nothing a vulnary or two can't fix."
Nova shook his head. "Why did you even stay, Ranulf? All you had to do was deliver the Smash Ball to Jaron and leave."
"I did deliver it. But I wanted to look around a bit before heading back to Gallia. I mean, look at this place!" he exclaimed as he spread out his arms. "It's totally different from what I've seen from back home. Especially those Toads—they're like funny looking beorc."
"I gotta agree with you there. They are funny looking with those hats—but don't tell anyone I said that, okay?"
Both Nova and Ranulf turned to see Jaron leaning in the doorway. "So, you two know each other, huh?"
"Shouldn't you be resting?" Nova asked.
"Hey, it's not like I'm crippled or anything—I'm totally fine!"
(Kaitlin: (Opens mouth)
Jaron: ANOTHER title change?! Who has the rights now?!
Kaitlin: Gantz.
Max: WHAT?! Why does—
Kaitlin: I don't know, but luckily for us, he didn't want them, and sent them to us via mail.
James: And?
Kaitlin: They were stolen by untrustworthy-looking disco balls, so now we have to call this chapter
Chapter Ten
The Boy Who Was a Tree
Rika: That has to be the worst—
Jaron: Don't worry about it—Zane and I are going on a top secret mission to get the rights back.
Jacob: It's not top secret if you tell everyone!
Zane: …Thanks a lot, Jaron…)
Jaron thought for a moment. "Well, except that I'm a hedgehog, but, well…"
"I guess you don't often look like that?" Ranulf inquired.
"No…anyway, I wanted to ask you something." Jaron promptly pulled out the Smash Ball. "What IS this, anyway?"
Ranulf looked at the ball, then at Nova. "You made it, you explain it." Nova sighed and opened his mouth, only for Jaron to interrupt, "YOU made it?!"
"Yes," Nova replied, "I did. I believed that Ranulf would be able to deliver it to you—I wanted to do it myself, but I was busy at the time."
"Busy doing what?"
"A good question, but totally irrelevant."
Jaron opened his mouth, but found that for once, he had no comeback. No, wait—"Was it something embarrasing?"
"Do you want to know about the ball or not?" Nova asked curtly.
"Okay, okay, sorry." He held the ball out to Nova. "What is this, anyway? Does it do anything?"
Nova took the ball. "It's called a Smash Ball. It's quite special—I made it out of pure chaos and what is called "smash energy", along with one other thing—and I am NOT going to tell you what," he said sternly as Jaron opened his mouth. "The Smash Ball itself is incredibly useful, and can be used as many times as necessary. However, this one's effectiveness WILL deteriorate with every use, so make sure to use it sparingly, all right?"
Jaron nodded, then realized something. "That's nice and all, but what does it DO?"
Nova opened his mouth, closed it, looked at Ranulf, who shrugged, then back at Jaron and said, "I think it's better if you find out for yourself." He then looked at Ranulf. "and I didn't make EVERY Smash Ball in existence, just this one for Jaron."
Before Jaron could respond, they heard a loud crash outside, prompting the three of them to run to the balcony and look out into the castle lawn.
"What the—"
What they saw was totally bizarre: what seemed to be a partially built ark resting outside the castle, with most of its skeleton showing. Mike and Joel joined them on the deck, Mike holding a megaphone.
"What the—" Mike started, then he realized what was going on. "CROW!!!!!"
Why Mike was yelling was understandable. Crow was dressing in rags, had a false, giant beard (rather haphazardly) taped to his beak, and was standing in front of the wooden skeleton of what appeared to be an ark with a giant spoon in his hand. Behind him, the arc was being loaded by Gypsy and several Toads with what appeared to be two of whatever they could find.
"PEOPLE, TOADS, ONE AND ALL!" Crow declared to a small group of curious and baffled Toads who had gathered in from of the "ark". "GATHER YOUR BELONGINGS AND FLEE ONBOARD THE ARK! THE FLOOD—IT IS EMINENT!"
The only thing that followed this epic pronouncement was a cool, evening breeze, along with some smothered titters from the group of Toads. Crow quickly became irritated. "Is it too much to ask FOR A LITTLE PRECIPITATION?!?!" he squawked to the heavens. As if on cue (and it was), a bucketful of water was dumped on his head, courtesy of the authors.
(Jacob: You're welcome.)
"CROW!" Mike yelled into the megaphone. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING???"
"WELL, YOU SEE, MIKE," Crow yelled back, using a megaphone of his own, "I READ ON THE WEATHER CHANNEL THAT WE'RE TO EXPECT A MASSIVE SHOWER TODAY, BUT THE WEATHER GUY WAS CLEARLY OFF THE MARK A BIT. BUUUUT BY MY CALCULATIONS, IT SHOULD START FLOODING RIGHT ABOUT…NOW!"
Nothing happened. As Crow silently fumed, Tom floated up to him holding a clipboard. "Well, Crow, we have managed to fill up about half the ark with about two of whatever we could find, be they animals or otherwise."
"What exactly did you load up? I wasn't really paying any attention…"
"WHY THE HELL AM I ON A BOAT?!?!?!?"
"MASTER CROW!?!?!? HOW DARE YOU!!!!! UNHAND ME, YOU VILE, ROBOTIC CAD!!!!!"
"Well, I WAS going to tell you that we managed to load up on everything we could get our hands on, massage recliners, sparrows, milk cartons, slugs, what have you, and we have also managed to load up on two Toads, which HAPPEN to be Toadsworth and Zane, but I might as well forget it now," Tom replied with a hint of irritation in his voice.
Once again, Joel had enough. "TOM, CROW, GYPSY, THAT'S ENOUGH! JUST PUT EVERYTHING BACK, ALRIGHT?!"
A very depressed "Yes, sir," came from the three sentient machines.
(James: And that was an example of Crow overreacting…AGAIN.)
Jaron held his spiky sides as he laughed uncontrollably. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Those robots are comedic gold!"
"Yes, I'm sure they'll win an Emmy in comedy one day," Nova said sarcastically.
"Eh, they don't seem too bad if you ask me," Ranulf said reasonably. "They ARE a bit weird, though. Don't think I've seen anything like them on Tellius."
"I doubt you ever will. Society there isn't that technologically advanced yet. I'd give it another century or two."
Jaron tugged at a spine hanging from his forehead. "Hey, Nova, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, go ahead."
"How come you're here in the first place?"
Nova and Ranulf each shared coverted glances, then Nova said, "I should be asking you the same question."
Jaron looked taken aback. "Well, um…" He noticed that Ranulf was giving him a look that clearly said I know something that you don't, but decided not to comment. "I'm looking for someone."
Nova raised an eyebrow. "Are you?"
"Yeah. I heard that there was this guy named Merlon in this town who could predict the future and stuff, so I'd thought that he'd help me find the guy. But he wasn't really much of a help."
"How so?"
"Uh…Disco. I'll leave it at that. He DID tell me a bit what the guy looked like, though."
"What does he look like, then?" Ranulf asked.
"All he said that it was this scared boy with blonde hair. He wasn't very specific. Actually, I think he was a bit of a fraud."
"I don't know about that. I know a guy back in Tellius who's pretty good at magic. He was rather antisocial, though."
"He sounds a bit like—Nova? Something wrong?"
Nova had a faraway look in his eyes. "You said blonde…right?"
"Yeah."
Nova was silent for a few more minutes, his expression giving Jaron the idea that he was having some sort of internal struggle, then he sighed and said, "I think I may know where this person is."
Before either of them could blink, Jaron was practically nose-to-snout with Nova and had grabbed him by the lapels. "Where?!"
Nova blinked. "…Rather urgent, aren't you?"
"I've been looking for this guy for months. I'm getting desperate. So SPILL IT!"
(Max: Wow.
James: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is Jaron under too much pressure. On a different note:
Chapter Ten:
DAMN Dirty Apes!!!
James: There you go.)
Nova raised an eyebrow. "All right…but only if you let me go."
Jaron immediately released Nova. "Okay, now are ya gonna tell me????"
"I'm only going to tell you where he is; if I told you who he was, it would defeat the point of you having a conversation with him."
"What the heck does THAT mean?!"
"Whatever you want," Ranulf butted in.
Jaron gave him an "Oh, shut up" look, then turned back to Nova. "Well, where is he? And who is he?"
"I just told you, you'll have to find out WHO he is on your own. As for where…" Nova paused putting his hand to his chin. "The Planet of Fanfiction. Toon Town, to be specific. He'll be there in one week."
Jaron looked confused, though he was pretty familiar with that emotion. "The Planet of what? Toon Town? I've never heard of 'em."
Nova thought for a moment. "Well, I suggest you ask your friend Kaitlin. She might know."
"Uh…okay." Jaron turned to leave, then kept on turning and faced Nova. "Hey, you said in a week? He's not there right now?"
Nova knew what he was thinking. "I have my reasons for not telling you his CURRENT location, and besides, it takes a full week to get to Toon Town from here anyway, and he will be there by then. Just take my word for it."
"Yeah! He ever steer you wrong before?" Ranulf asked with a smile.
"Uhh…" Jaron had no idea how to answer this question. "You know what? Never mind. I'm gonna get my friends and get ready to go. Thanks, Nova."
As Jaron walked over to the door, Nova asked, "By the way, Jaron… how long have you been looking for this person?"
Jaron stopped. "…Oh, eleven months, give or take. I've been having dreams about the guy for about fourteen months."
As Jaron left, Ranulf gave Nova a quizzical look. "He's been dreaming about him?"
"I didn't know that either," Nova admitted. He turned to face the window. "…Interesting…I don't think his existence would resonate with that of Jaron's. Or does it…?"
"Kaitlin! Max! James! You'll never guess--!"
"SHUSHHHHHHH!!!!" Jaron was quieted by Crow. Everyone else was gathered around a crystal ball set upon a mystic DDR mandala, a bunch of incense sticks lit and perfuming the air. The lights were also uncomfortably dim.
"What's going o—" Jaron started.
"SHUSSSSSSSHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Crow hissed. "You are disturbing the clairvoyant vibrations!"
(Jaron: Just so ya know, everyone, Crow hasn't a clue what he's talkin' about.
Kaitlin: Or what he's doing.)
"The ecto-cosmic waves are crashing upon us… now, BRING BACK OUR LOVED ONES!!!!!" Madame Crow suddenly shouted.
"What's he doing?" Jaron whispered to Kaitlin.
"Conducting a séance," said Kaitlin, who had an expression that showed that she did NOT want to be there at that moment.
"What's a séance?" Jaron asked.
"UNENLIGHTENED ONE!!"
"GAH!"
"You know NOT the ways of the after life! And THAT is why you are a cosmic ecto-pickle."
"Cosmic-what now?"
"UNENLIGHTENED ONE!!!"
"GAH!"
"The cosmic waves crash upon NOTHING but an empty mind… EMPTY, I say!!!!"
"Empty—hey, are you saying that I'm dumb?!"
"UNENLIGHTENED ONE!!!!"
"WHAH!!!"
"Yes, you ARE dumb and foolish! The cosmic waves do not crash upon an empty mind! You must see—and you will then know TRUE enlightenment!"
(Kaitlin: This was HEAVILY influenced by the Star Sage Chakron from Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story, a game for the Nintendo DS.)
"Can we start with the summoning already!?" Tom demanded.
"Yes, yes…sit down, Jaron, you're disturbing the cosmic vibrations by standing up with you being so tall. Now, let's all be peaceful and talk to a dead guy, shall we?"
"Talk to a WHAT?!"
"UNENLIGHTENED—"
"SIT DOWN, CROW!"
"Yes ma'am." Kaitlin can be kind when she needs to be and commanding when she needs to be. That's all that needs to be said.
As everyone sat down, Madame Crow began to chant. "We gather here today to unite this man and woman in holy mat—"
"Wait, Crow, that's the wrong speech," Tom pointed out.
"Oh, yes, right…ahem…tonight, ladies and gentlemen (But mostly ladies—"HEY!"), we gather this night to speak with those whom have been lost to the icy grip of DEATH."
"Did you have to put emphasis on 'death?'"
"Yes, Max, I did. Now then, RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE from the Great Beyond!! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!!!!!!!!!!"
"OW! Sensitive ears, Crow!"
"Oh, right, sorry, Jaron." Madame Crow's voice sank to an inaudible whisper. "Rissssssse…"
"What did you say?" Max asked.
"!!!"
"Gah!"
Silence reigned, then Madame Crow began to chant. "HEEEYNAYA MUUUUUNAYA HEEEEENAYA WOOOOOONAYA….OWEMBOWAY OWEMBOWAY OWEMBOWAY OWEMBOWAY…"
"IN THE JUNGLE, THE MIGHTY JUNGLE," Tom sang, "THE LION SLEEPS TONIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT…"
"BRING BACK OUR LOVED ONES!" Madame Crow shrieked.
In a large puff of smoke, Toadsworth was seen in the middle of the group, holding a cup of tea. "I quite agree, Princess, yet I must say that—" That was when he noticed his surroundings. "I—What the duece? Where am I??"
"Wait, Toadsworth!? You're not—" James was just as confused as anyone else.
"I'm not what? Oh, don't tell me that Masters Tom and Crow have set up yet ANOTHER evil cult?"
Both robots were, once again, indignant. "WHAT?! What would make you possibly think that—well, yeah, we did," Crow admitted.
"Hey, wanna join?" Tom asked excitedly.
"Are you daft?!" Toadsworth exclaimed. "Of course not! You'd probably sacrifice me to your deity or something."
"What? Oh, no, our cult doesn't do stuff like that," said Crow.
"Actually, we spend our time baking muffins—lots of different kinds," Tom explained.
"Also we go to each other's houses to watch Abby Mcbeal—"
"So, we're sort of like a Martha Stewart/Monty Python/Hannah Montana kind of cult."
Kaitlin was getting the impression that the sceance had officialy dissolved. Toadsworth, on the other hand, looked rather baffled.
"Uh, Toadsworth?"
"Oh, great, I think we freaked him out again, Crow."
"Woah…OKAY, Toadypants, we strip down to the waist, worship an evil entity and cut people's heads off for FUN, is that any less weird?"
"Ah, yes, much better. Now if you will EXCUSE me…" Toadsworth left in a huff.
Silence reigned for a few seconds, then Tom said, "Well, that was confusing."
"FINE THEN!" Crow yelled, yanking the tablecloth and pulling everything with it off, causing it all to crash to the floor, uncovering a hidden Ouija Board on the table. "OHHHHH, spirits of the after life, I implore you, give us a massage!"
"Don't you mean message?"
"SHUT UP! As I was saying…" He looked to the group. "Okay, now we all place one hand on the lens, and let the spirit spell out its message."
"I'm not touching that thing," Kaitlin said flatly.
"Fine, then remain cursed, for all I care, buddy." Everyone else complied, and 'let the spirit' spell out the message.
"Oh, spirits, tell us, will I ever be able to decide who lives and who dies?"
"And can I go to Peter Stellers' grave and spit on it?" Tom asked.
"What's it say?" Max asked.
Crow read it out. "Lemme see… Okay, it says…You… can… kiss… my—HEY!!!"
Tom immediately looked under the table to see if someone was using a magnet, only to encounter a society of morlocks.
"GAH!"
"The Planet of Fanfiction?" Kaitlin asked in disbelief.
Jaron shoved his jacket into his bag, Holly on top of his head so he could use both hands. "Yep. Nova said you would know about it."
"I do. I work at a café there, actually."
"So you know Toon Town like the back of your hand?"
"Uh, no."
Jaron's head snapped back up to look at her. "What?! But—"
"I've only been there once. The café is outside it."
"Why didn't you tell any of us this earlier?!"
"Like you yourself always say, Jaron," Kaitlin gave a dramatic pause. "You never asked."
"Mmfff…"
"Besides, I know a guy," Kaitlin added. "He should be able to show us around."
"Okay, then we're set!" Jaron exclaimed as he swung his bag over his shoulder. "If we leave early tonight—ten minutes maybe—we could get a head sta—"
"Whoa whoa whoa whoa, what?!" Max stammered, startled. "Tonight?! Are you serious?!"
"Well, yeah!" Jaron said reasonably. "If we get a hea—"
"Jaron, are you even listening to yourself?" James asked. "We were assaulted by probably three hundred Spartans early today and were nearly beaten within an inch of our lives by that woman, and that's beside the thrashing you got from that anti guy, and you want to leave TONIGHT?"
"Um… well, yeah."
Holly shook her head. "Bit of a rush, huh?" Max pinched the bridge of his nose. "Well, what about us? I, for one, am exhausted!"
This hit Jaron like a ton of bricks. One of the things that mattered to him the most was his friend's wellbeing. Not for one moment had he remembered that until now. "…I…I'm sorry guys, I…"
"Don't worry about it," Kaitlin said gently as she placed her hands on his spiky shoulders. "We know that you're so eager to find this guy, after having—" She started waving her hands around. "Mysterious and prophetic dreams about him for over a year, but you should really take a break every now and again."
Jaron looked down at the floor. "Sorry," he mumbled, then started to snicker a bit. "Do you have to be so… so—"
"Animated?" Max interjected.
Jaron nodded. "Yeah…I mean, that's my job!"
Everyone snickered.
"HMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!" Bowser was having quite an intense stare-off with Mario and Luigi. Peach was not sure which side was winning, her side (the bros) or the opposing side (Bowser). But then again, Kamek, Kammy, and Bowser Jr. were alongside the Koopa King (AND his minions) so it was better for her to rethink the odds.
During this (VERY) intense staring match, Jaron came into the hall from the top of the stairs. He was slightly taken aback. What the—what's going on?
And just when things couldn't get worse, Bowser noticed Jaron. "YOU!"
Jaron balked. "Me?"
"YES, YOU! GET DOWN HERE!"
Without any hesitation, Jaron jumped down the stairs and stopped in front of the giant Koopa. "Yeah?"
Bowser stood there for a single minute staring at Jaron, his face expressionless. Finally, he said, "I hate to admit it…"
"Yes?" Jaron asked.
Bowser hesitated, then finally muttered hesitantly, "You know, you're not really a bad kid."
Dead silence reigned for five eternal seconds, then…
"Yeah, I get that a lot. You all better now after I hit you?" Jaron tilted his head to the side. "I didn't really want to hurt you all that bad, anyway."
Bowser's eye twitched. "…W-what?! You…." He gritted his teeth. "You little…Oh, forget it!" He turned his back on Jaron and crossed his arms. "You're too much trouble."
Jaron shrugged. "Sorry, your Majesty."
Bowser flinched. Did this spiky green teenage rodent actually call him your Majesty? That had never happened before. EVER. Sure, his minions always addressed him with fancy titles and such, but this had to be the FIRST TIME EVER that the ENEMY had called him that with any respect.
Jaron turned around and put his arms behind his head. "Well, sorry for bothering you, King Bowser."
Nothing happened for a few minutes. You could literally butter the tension and serve it with gravy.
(Max: Uh…
Kaitlin: Have Zane and Jaron managed to get the rights back?
James: No. And once again:
Chapter Ten:
Walk a Mile In My Globin
Jacob: Did an Emoglobin in Bowser's body obtain the rights?)
And then, before anyone could blink—
SMASH!!!!!!!
Several spikes from Jaron's arms fell to the floor with a clatter. Both he and the giant Koopa just stood there, Bowser's fist outstretched and in contact with Jaron's arms, who had raised them to block the attack, despite the fist shattering several of the spines.
Bowser grunted, then took a step back, brushing off the spines on his fist. Jaron just stood where he was, the spines on his arms cracked and broken. The Koopa King gave him a long stare, then chuckled. "Yeah…I guess you're all right." He turned. "Kammy, Kamek, Jr., we're leaving."
It was around this time that Luigi, who had been petrified by the punch, recovered enough to say, "Hey, wait! Aren't you going to try and take Peach or something?" Everyone in the room glared at him, but Bowser didn't bother to look at him.
"You know, Green 'Stache…I'm not in the mood today."
While silence reigned eternal again, Luigi promptly fainted. Everyone else in the room, however, looked absolutely shocked. For as long as Mario had known Bowser (and trust me, that had been a very long time) the overgrown Koopa had never missed an opportunity to kidnap the Princess…EVER. PERIOD. We're being honest here.
While Mario and Peach did their best to process Bowser's out-of-characterness, the Koopa gave Jaron one last look, then stomped to the door with his son and minions. Before going through the door, he stopped. "Jaron."
"Yeah?"
"…Next time we meet, you're MINE." And with that, he and his minions left, Jr. giving Jaron a pointed look and blowing raspberries with his mouth as he followed his father.
"Charming, aren't they?" Kaitlin asked.
"GAH! Where'd you come from?!" Jaron asked, alarmed.
"What, you didn't notice me come in?"
Jaron rolled his eyes. "Guh…" He turned around to face Peach. "Hey there. You're Peach, right?"
Peach, recovered from the confrontation from Bowser, nodded. "Yes, that is correct. You're…Jaron, aren't you?"
"The one and only!" Jaron declared. "Annnnnnd…these two would be Mario and Luigi, right?" he asked, indicating the two bros. Mario nodded. "Nice to meet-a you." As they shook hands, a thought occurred to Jaron. "Hey…I've seen you before, haven't I?"
"No doubt you have." Everyone turned to see Nova and Ranulf by the front doors, Ranulf looking completely recovered.
"You're leaving?" Peach asked politely.
Nova nodded. "Ranulf needs to go back home, whereas I have things to do." He looked at Jaron. "Take care of yourself. And keep that inhaler on you at all times, you hear me?"
"Uh, okay," Jaron replied. Nova smiled slightly. "Good. I hoped you find what you're searching for." He turned to leave—"Hey!"
Nova turned. "Yes…?" Jaron gave him a look. "Sorry, but I have a ton of questions—" "Not now," Nova interrupted. "But—" Nova held up a finger, silencing him. Turning to face the door, he said, "Something tells me we'll meet again, Jaron. Until then, farewell." He took a step toward the door—
"Can you at least tell me who you are?"
Nova stopped. Not speaking for a long time, he finally said, "I'm what's left." He extended his arm. "Or maybe…"
With a white flash, a…pretty weird weapon appeared in his hand. It was spiky and pointy, that was for sure, but it looked odd. It was covered in ebony and ivory blades at the end, and the length of it was ivory, connected to an ebony guard, with a checkered grip. It had a silver, four-pointed star on the end of a matching chain on the bottom of the hilt, and if Jaron didn't know better, he could've sworn the weapon, as a whole, reminded him of a key.
"I'm the only one there was in the first place."
And with those cryptic words, he left the castle. Ranulf gave Jaron a meaningful look before following. "You might get it soon. Who knows with Nova…"
Ranulf gave Nova a look as the two of them walked down the dark street. "I can't believe that you're still carrying that thing around, Nova."
Nova sighed as he examined the weapon. "The Two Become One hasn't accepted a new master for it yet. Until then, I must keep it with me. The Keyblade can become very dangerous if misused—you know that as well as I do, Ranulf."
"Yeah, I forgot," Ranulf admitted. "Seriously, though…you can't carry that thing around forever."
Nova thought for a moment. "To be honest…I thought that Jaron would be a good candidate." As Ranulf looked at him in surprise, Nova simply shrugged. "We will just have to wait and see." He paused. "Then again, since Jaron seems to break the rules of seemingly every world he goes to, I'm not even sure he'll be able to wield it properly. He might have to carry it around like I'm doing now."
Ranulf just shrugged and sighed. "Whatever you say, Nova. After all, you're the only Forger I know, so you know more about Keyblades than anyone else I've encountered."
Nova smirked. "I'm surprised you remember my title from the legends…"
Ranulf grinned. "I read a lot in my spare time."
Tom and Crow were at it again. This time, they had set up a gigantic theater in the castle lobby, apparently about to do some Japanese theater. This was actually welcomed by Peach and the Toads, who all needed a bit of a pick me up after the whole Spartan thing.
Kaitlin, on the other hand, was flabbergasted. "What on earth are they doing?!"
"The thing about those two," Joel commented as he sat down, "is that they do whatever is on their minds no matter what it is."
"Even if it gets them into trouble?"
"Yeah."
"Really? I NEVER would have guessed," Kaitlin said sarcastically. She looked at Jaron. "Hey, is something up? You look distracted."
Jaron nodded as brushed off some more cracked spines. "Well, um…"
"Lemme guess," James said as he sat down, "it's Nova, right?"
The hedgehog boy nodded. "Yeah, I mean, well, you know…"
They all knew what he meant. "Just worry about it later," Max commented. "I mean, you really need a break right now."
Jaron nodded. "Yeah…" He absentmindedly brushed some more broken spines off.
"Jaron, shouldn't you get your arms checked?" Kaitlin asked, concerned. "I mean, that can't be healthy."
Jaron shrugged. "I guess you're right." He got up. "I'll go look for a nurse or something. You guys enjoy the show." And with that, he left.
Kaitlin watched him go, then turned to Max and James, concern on her face. "What d'you guys—"
And then, of course, the show started, effectively cutting her off.
"Hello," Tom started onstage, wearing a Kabuki mask over his head, "and—"
"Konichiwa!" All the robots exploded into chorus on that line.
"We are VERY thankful that you could all come here tonight," Tom continued, "And we hope that you enjoy tonight's Kabuki play—translated, the title is, 'Beyond the Scope of the Range of the Grasp of the Palm of the Hand of the Wrath of the Dawn of the Day of the Dead of The Damned of Those who Live in the Town in the Valley of the Mountains of the Country of the Continent of the World of the Planet of the Apes.'"
Nearly half of those in the theater were snoring by the time he finished. Ignoring this, Tom continued, "So, how many of you enjoy Japanese theater? Anybody wanna say?"
"Anybody at all," Crow commented. At this, Mike firmly sat on his hands, remembering the LAST time he had said anything involving Japanese theater—it had just been too confusing. Kaitlin, on the other hand, raised her hand.
"Yeah, are you going to actually put on a show, and not just make spectacles of yourselves?"
Tom ignored this. "So, you like Kabuki theater, ma'am?"
Kaitlin thought for a moment. "Wellllll….I DO like Kabuki a little, but to be honest, I prefer Noh theater more."
Mike put his head in his hands. Somebody hates me, I know it…The robots, however, were flabbergasted.
"Wait, if that's true, then why are you here?" Tom asked, baffled.
"'Cause I like Noh theatre, and I thought Kabuki would be sorta like Noh theatre."
Both robots gasped, but Crow took exceptional offence from this. "How DARE you say Kabuki is not a theatrical entertainment?!"
"No, I said it was like Noh theatre."
Heavier gasps this time. "Wait, so in OTHER words, you're saying that Kabuki theater is CRAP."
"Hey, I did not say that. I said I wanted to know the difference between Noh and Kabuki."
This confused the robots even more, but Crow said reasonably, "Well, here's the difference: There's Kabuki, and then there's nothing at all. There you go."
"What the heck does that mean?!"
During this, Mike had slowly started to sneak toward the exit. Realizing that things were getting worse, though, he pretty much fled instead.
"If you don't like Kabuki all that much, then WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"
"I didn't say I didn't like it! I just said that I prefer Noh more!"
"NO MORE WHAT?!"
"Wait, wait, Tom, calm down," Crow interrupted. "Now, then, Kaitlin, I am going to ask you a series of questions that even YOU can answer 'Yes' or 'No'. Now, then: Is there theater in Japan?"
"Duh."
"Okay then, do you have a preferred brand of theater?"
"Yes…"
Crow could not keep the triumph out of his voice. "Good! Now then: WILL YOU TELL ME THE NAME OF YOUR FAVORITE THEATER!"
"Sure."
"Okay, what is the name of your favorite theater?"
"Noh."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO?!"
"What? You hate Noh theater or something?"
"Oh, no, Kaitlin," Tom seethed, "I LOVE no theater at all! As a matter of fact, it is my policy to riff on ANY theater at all as harshly as possible!"
Crow interrupted. "Can we do our Kabuki play now?!"
"Go right ahead," Kaitlin sniffed. "But remember: I would rather watch Noh theater than Kabuki."
"THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?!?!?!?!?" The robots screamed.
"BECAUSE I want to watch Kabuki theater!"
"BUT YOU SAID YOU'D PREFER NO THEATER AT ALL!!!!" The robots went apoplectic. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Does this happen often?" Max asked Luigi.
"More often than you could possibly think," was the response.
Jaron had cover his mouth to stop giggling. Those robots will be famous someday, I just know it! He absentmindedly scratched his arm, causing more needles to fall out. I really need to find that clinic…
Unfortunately for him, however, he had come across a little…snag.
He was lost.
"Doesn't this castle have a map or something?" he asked allowed. "I mean, there aren't even any landmarks, except that gear in the wall—"
He stopped. "Hey…" He turned around and gave the aformentioned gear a once-over. It looked like any other gear stuck in a wall. Next to it, there was a weird meter-like object. What's this thing for, anyway? He looked around. "Well, since nobody's around…" He grabbed the top of the gear with both hands and attempted to pull it down. To be frank, though, he would've found it easier to suck orange juice out of a rock with a spoon—the blasted thing would not turn, no matter how he tried to move it. After a few minutes, he gave up. "Haff…haff…What the heck?" He placed his hand on his chin, thinking for a minute. "I need something stronger to spin this…"
Almost at once, an image came to mind: Sonic the Hedgehog doing a Spin Dash. Wha? Why am I thinking about Sonic at a time like thi—
He stopped. He looked at the gear, then down at himself. Jaron was not an idiot—he can easily put two and two together. A Spin Dash is a spin…obviously…and I'M a hedgehog…He realized it immediately.
"Hey, it could work!" He exclaimed. Then he realized he had no idea how to curl up like a hedgehog, let alone do a Spin Dash. But then again, there wasn't anyone around, so he was safe to try…
Okay…umm…what do I do first? He thought. Er, maybe I should crouch first. He did this, then noticed the broken spikes on his arms. Maybe I should…yeah, don't want to get poked. He brushed off the last of the broken spikes. Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah, okay, next, maybe I should wrap my arms around my legs… After doing this, he thought for a moment. Uh…I think I have to put my head between my legs. Ig…This is going to be so awkward. I'm glad nobody's around. With a sigh, he ducked his head.
Before he could so much as blink, he felt like he was practically being folded, and then his vision was nothing but black. What the?! What's going on?! He was about to panic, but then realized—I think I just curled up like an actual hedgehog! He considered this for a moment. I don't feel cramped…heck, if I didn't know better, I'd say this was pretty comfy! Now…uh, great. How do I move?!
Jaron could not believe that he had gone with this without knowing how to move curled up. Hoping for the best, he tried rocking forward. To his astonishment, he rolled forward at an almost indecent speed and ramming into the gear. WAH! Hey, wait…that didn't hurt…okay, never mind. Now, how do I spin in place…?
He thought for a moment, then began to roll forward repeatedly. This wasn't really a charging-up phase of the Spin Dash, but it was enough to spin the gear. After a few minutes, the gear stopped, and Jaron promptly uncurled. "Oog…that was weird," he said out loud. A sound behind him caused him to turn around, and what he saw was just odd. "A pipe?!" Why there would be a giant blue pipe in the castle he could not guess, but his curiosity overode his confusion. Walking toward the pipe, he jumped on in. "Doesn't look like it goes anywhe—"
With a sound typically heard when one travels by pipe, Jaron was promptly sucked down the pipe before he could yelp for help.
"…Sigh…I have boredom…"
Business had been slow for Fawful since those babies had stopped coming to Fawful's Bean 'n Badge. You don't often get many customers in the sewers, but Fawful had figured that the closer he was to the castle, the greater the chances of him learning its secrets.
He gritted his pearly-white teeth. It was THEIR fault that he was stuck here, forced to sell badges and such to amass his funds to take over the kingdom. If it weren't for THEM, his and her plan to take over the world would have succeeded, and the two of them would've taken every single piece of candy from every rich baby they could find. The mere thought of the colors of their clothing put the fog of rage in his eyes. Red, green, blue…that blasted trio of jumping hammers that had hammered him and jumped on his head and causing the overheating of his ship and—
"I HAVE FURY!!!" Fawful shrieked, venting his rage. Taking a deep breath, he calmed himself. "I have calm…"
Suddenly, he heard the sound of somebody traveling by pipe…and several grunts of pain. Hiding behind a sewer pipe, he witnessed a…well, he had never seen anything like it before. What looked like a big, green, spiky thing wearing clothing had tumbled out of the pipe headfirst and was now getting up while rubbing the back of its green spiky head.
"Ow…okay, I now appreciate what plumbers go through," the thing muttered, sounding like an adolecsent male. When it noticed it's surroundings, it looked taken aback. "Wa—the sewers?! Well, guess I shouldn't be surprised…" It looked thoughtful. "Hmm…Should I explore, or go back?" After a moment of silence, he seemed to make up his mind. "Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to have a peek…" With this new determination, it set off, Fawful watching him go. "I have wonderment…" he muttered. After a moment of silence, he made up his mind and followed the strange creature.
"At least these aren't as bad as the Fourside sewers…" Jaron muttered, "Those were awful." These sewers, on the other hand, were remarkably clean for some reason. Heck, is there ANY part of the Mushroom Kingdom that ISN'T clean? he thought. Huh… I guess I should just chalk it up to good maintenance crews…
"I have hmmm…" Fawful muttered. "This creature is something to watch with whimsy, as a baby made of Happiness uses its first joyful tooth on the unsuspecting spoon of Experience…" He went off on another elaborate metaphor as Jaron went deeper into the sewers.
(James: Jacob—
Jacob: What? It seems… fawful-y, right?
Rika: I would agree, but… 'I have hmm?' REALLY?
Jaron: She has a point you know…
James: Not what I meant.
Chapter Ten:
Mustard of Doom
James: THAT'S what I meant.)
Jaron, completely unaware of Fawful's presence, kept walking, looking around at the scenery around him. "You know, you'd think there'd be something more exciting down here, like, I dunno, a –oop!"
Jaron immediately lost his footing and fell, going down a pipe that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Fawful looked down and noticed that he had accidently stepped on the corner of a small, blue ! switch. "I have apologies…"
"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The tunnel that Jaron was sliding was slimy and dark, yet it was rather exhilarating to zoom down the pipe at such a speed. He would've enjoyed it if he knew where he was going.
And as soon as he thought this, he fell out of the pipe—and onto his face—with a loud "OOF!!!" He had to practically peel himself off the floor. "Ow…that REALLY hurt." He dusted himself off, then looked around. "What the heck…where am I?"
The place he had fallen looked completely different from the rest of the sewers. It looked more primitive, less, well, developed. Actually, it looked more like a stone cave than anything else. Jaron turned to look up the pipe. "Doesn't look like I can go back up." He shrugged. "might as well keep going."
A few seconds after he walked off, there was a loud "I HAVE TERROR!!!!" followed by Fawful tumbling out of the pipe and crashing into the stone wall. "I…have…p-pain…"
The tunnel was pretty dark—Jaron might have reasonably good eyesight, but he couldn't see in the dark. "They could've at least installed some lights…" he muttered as he felt his way. "I can barely see anything."
Behind him, Fawful was following him, having had turned on the special night-vision mode on his goggles. "Hmmmmmmmmmmmm… the markings on the walls look like the doodlings of an expert artist of when he would first form words in his mouth of toothlessness… Theses ruins seem as though they were drawn when the kingdom, too, was as a young baby gnawing on its first nugget of civilization."
Jaron, on the other hand, took no notice of said markings due to the darkness, though he could hear someone muttering. "Hey, is somebody there?"
No response. He shrugged. "Huh, must've been my imagination—"
At that instant, there was a flaring sound, and the torches on the walls, unnoticed by Jaron and Fawful, burst into flame, lighting the tunnel. Jaron looked around in surprise; it looked like he was in a dead end. "What the…"
This was when he noticed the drawings on the walls. They looked rather old—he wasn't sure what they depicted, though he noticed there were a lot of drawings of a scowling star. He examined one such star with interest. "Huh…looks like a star with an attitude problem, if you ask me…"
The sound of something hitting a rock caused him to turn around. "Somebody there?" Nothing.
Meanwhile, Fawful had rushed behind a corner before Jaron could see him, intent on remaining undetected. "I am having the suspicion of badness and no-goodness forced upon me like a husky man forces himself upon an all-you-can-can-eat-for-free buffet. Fawful must have the silence of a mute human without a neck in a steel house without the creekyness of wood to impede him… I have calm." He said the last bit to himself repeatedly to calm his nerves.
Jaron shook his head. "Uh, anyone sure you're not there?" No response. "Oh, never mind." He turned back to the drawing. "Wonder who did this, anyway…" He placed a hand on the star with a scowl. "Doesn't look very friendly, anyway—"
When his hand touched the star, there was a loud rumbling, and part of the wall crumbled away, startling Jaron and revealing a passageway simultaneously. Fawful was also startled. "WAH! I have the wetness of pantaloons!" Fortunately, the crumbling of the wall was loud enough to cover up Fawful's yelling.
Jaron had to take a deep breath to calm himself. "Okay, note to self—try not to do that again." After a minute, he said to himself, "Might as well see where it goes." And with that, he went inside. Fawful followed him a few seconds after. "I have the intrigue of a newborn child, exploring all that he can, wondering which pulley of wonder activated which device of joy…" Fawful's expression suddenly soured. "So why does Fawful feel like a newborn baby crawling toward a dangerous staircase of horror and fury?" He trekked on, muttering "I have calm," to himself again.
To be honest, Fawful had nothing to worry about, as did Jaron—the passage led to another dead end. Jaron sighed and placed his hand on the wall. "I swear, I'm wasting my time down h—WAH!!!"
As soon as his hands touched the wall, it disappeared, causing him to fall over. "Ow…" He picked himself up, then stopped at what he saw.
It was an enormous cavern. Strange carvings of stars and other unidentifiable objects lined the walls, and—despite the fact that it was miles underground—the roof opened up to a blue, cloud-filled sky, even though it was eight o'clock in the evening.
Buuuuuut the one thing that caught Jaron's attention was the thing in the middle of the cavern—a glowing, golden, thin rapier-like object stuck in the ground. Jaron walked toward it, amazed. "Wow…what is this thing?"
Meanwhile, Fawful hung by the doorway, watching Jaron and the object with wide eyes. "I have… I have…" In word, Fawful was, perhaps for the first time in his life, speechless. "…wow. I have amazement…"
Jaron examined the rapier-like thing. "Looks funny. Wonder what it's for…"
Well? Go on!
Jaron nearly jumped out of his shoes. "Who was that?!"
Fawful looked at him, confused. "Has the creature lost his mind as a lazy father of ignorance loses his car keys in the couch cushions of neglect?"
Go on—pull it out! It won't hurt you.
Jaron looked around wildly. "Who is that?! Pull what out, this thing? Where are you?"
Come on! Pull it out! Please?
Jaron sighed. "Okay, fine, if that's what you want…" Jaron placed his hands on the object. "Huh…feels warm…" Jaron gave it a slight tug. "Seems really stuck there. Gotta give it more effort…" With a loud grunt, he pulled with all his might.
What happened next was unexpected. As soon as he pulled the thing out, it shattered into millions of golden pieces of light, which quickly vanished. After this, the entire cavern started to shake violently, causing Jaron to fall back on his behind with a loud "Oof!"
Fawful grabbed the doorway to steady himself, this time fully panicked. "I am as blind as an idiot child who plays video games as if they were his cardio exercises!"
After a few minutes, the rumbling stopped. Jaron picked himself up. "Okay…maybe I shouldn't have done tha—wah?!"
Almost before he finished speaking, his entire body started to glow green. After a minute, it stopped, leaving Jaron very confused. "What the heck was that?!" He shook his head. "Okay, this is too weird. I'm leaving." He turned to go, only to trip and fall over, cutting his hand on a rock in the process. "OW! This isn't my day…" He picked himself up and looked at his hand. "Ugh…wish I had a potion or s—" He immediately stopped when he saw what was happening to his hand—it was glowing green, like he had been a second ago, and the cut on it was rapidly disappearing. After a moment, it was as if he had never been injured.
"What the--?! Whoa!" Jaron reeled at the disappearance of his injury. "Did I do that?!" He stared at his hand for a moment, then shook his head. "I'll figure that out after I get back."
And with that, he left the cavern, Fawful following in secret, though not before the crazy bean glanced at the carvings of the scowling star.
But then again, one glance was all it took…
As Jaron walked back into the passage, Fawful watched him behind a rock, muttering to himself while gradually working himself into a furious frenzy:
"Incredible… I have the inspiration of 150 Michelangelo's stuffed into an Einstein's head! The power from which that object seemed to give off in the ruins is more than even Cackletta would be envious of!" He looked at the creature he was following. "Perhaps, if I follow this green mysterious creature, he will lead me to the success of 1000 Super Bowls wrapped up with 100 Grammy's into a burrito of vic-" His brain suddenly halted. "This green creature… Green, the color of nuisance, often treacherously parted with the Red of hurt and the Blue of snarkiness… The three colors, the three moustaches that dig into my soul like a Shiatsu massage from an angry nailbed…" He looked at the being with the intent of malice. "My new objective… it is to rid myself and this kingdom of those three horrid, horse-tail moustaches!" The pent-up anger could not be held back any longer. "I HAVE FURY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The sound of the shriek echoed off the walls, like a giant chorus of Fawfuls singing from the Gospels, scaring Jaron out of his wits. "YAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" He ran off, screaming "GHOST!!!!!" Fawful watched him go, snickering. "I have chortles…"
Jaron took a deep breath as he headed to the entrance hall of the castle. "Ugh…ghosts…" As he entered the hall, he called out, "Hey, guys—"
"Ah, perfect!" Before Jaron knew what was happening, he was being pushed along toward Tom, who, for whatever reason, was dressed in a conductor's outfit.
"I was about to call you up," said Tom, "because I was hoping for your assistance with my orchestra."
"Your what?"
Heavy gasps from the robots. "WHAT?! A travesty! How can ye not know what an orchestra is?!"
"Uh, well—"
"SILENCE! You can lead with me."
"What does that mean?"
"Just sing when prompted, kid," Tom said as he pushed Jaron up to the podium.
Jaron looked at the crowd of Toads—and surprisingly, Kaitlin, Max, James, Peach, Meriee, and, looking like he wanted to get out of there, Zane.
"Uh, I'll try…"
"Has he ever sung before?" Zane asked Max.
"Dunno."
(Stage lights up, revealing Mike and Joel.)
MIKE: Hello, everyone, and thank you for coming tonight.
JOEL: We're here to present to you tonight a series of special songs brought to you by the United Servo Acadamy Chorus, led by Thomas "Brunswick" Servo and Jaron "Cobaj" Roxai…
MIKE: The first of which is titled: "The United Servo Acadamy Men's Chorus Hymn".
(The two leave the stage, and then the Chorus enters, with Tom and Jaron at the podium.)
Tom: Okay, eyes front…one, two, and—
Chorus:
Here's to the guys and gals who like to fly,
Flying so high with some guy in the sky,
Sky rockets in flight, afternoon delight!
Captain High at your service.
Tom:
Would you like to fly-y-y-y in my beautiful ballooooon?
Jaron:
Take these broken wings and then learn to fly me to the moon!
Tom: Sail on the silver bird—
Both: Have you ever heard that the bird is the word?!
Chorus:
In a big country, dreams stay with you
Come along with me Lucille in my merry Oldsmobile
We are kids for saving Earth
We are fans of Colin Firth
Off we go to yonder blue
We really move our tails for you!
Tom:
Cross the wide Missouri!
(Applause, then Mike and Joel reappear.)
MIKE: Yes, thank you, everyone. Now, our next masterpiece—
JOEL: Is a Christmas carol written by Crow T. Robot and HEAVILY corrected by Kaitlin Roslyn. Ladies and Gentlemen, we give you—
BOTH: A Grand Ol' Patrick Swayze Christmas.
(Both leave the stage, then the Chorus starts back up.)
Max: Open up your heart and let the Patrick Swayze Christmas in.
James: We'll gather at the Road House with our next of kin.
Kaitlin: And Santa can be our regular Saturday night thing.
Jaron: We'll decorate a Christmas Tree and gather round and sing.
Tom: Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year!
Crow: And then we'll grab the eggnog and all come back next year!
Meriee: Let's try and reach a compromise this merry Christmas year,
Zane: And we'll have some turkey so that we'll have no fights here!
Peach: I wonder if Santa has been going to the mill,
Chorus: I hope that those grand ol' folks have laughed and ate their fill!
All: Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and all.
And this can be the haziest...
This can be the laziest...
This can be the Swayziest Christmas of them all!
Tom: La la la la, la la, la laaaaaaaaaaa!
(The audience applauds, then Mike and Joel walk back onstage.)
MIKE: Great work, everyone, I'm glad that you all—
(Tom starts up a more inappropriate song to the tune of One-Winged Angel)
TOM:
I AM AWESOME
WITH UNLIMITED
POWAAAAH
I AM AWESOME
WITH UNLIMITED
POWAAAAH
I AM HOT!
I AM HOT!
MIKE: Uh, Tom—
TOM:
GO GET ME…
A COOKIE…
JOEL GET ME…
A SODAAAAA!!
JOEL: TOM!!!
TOM: TOM SERVO IS AWESOME!!!!! (Joel grabs him) TELL THE WORLD MY STORY!!!!! AND MY SONG, ONE WINGED SERVO!!!!!!
(Curtain falls, followed with a loud "OW!")
Jaron ran into the room in a panicked fashion, panting about ghosts and haunted basements of basements. Zane noticed this. "Hey, you don't look so good. Anything wrong, Jaron?"
"You guys have angry ghosts in the sewer!"
Zane disregarded this and said offhandedly, "Oh, just ignore the Boos and they leave you alone after a while."
Jaron gave him his typical baffled look. "A what?"
"A Boo. Y'know, a ghost?"
"Oh…"
Meriee brushed her hair absentmindedly. "Have you been doing alright, Jaron? You still look a bit tired from the whole Spartan thing."
"Oh, don't worry," Jaron said absentmindedly while stretching almost in a catlike fashion. "By the way, what happened to those Spartan guys, anyway? Nobody will tell me what for some reason."
Zane and Meriee gave each other looks. "Well, probably because it was so weird," Meriee said quietly.
"What d'you mean?"
Zane coughed. "Well…they just disappeared. Vanished."
"Vanished? How?"
"No idea," Zane said. "One minute those Koopas of Bowser's were going at them like no tomorrow, next they're literally clawing at empty air. Bowser was pretty P. when that happened."
"How come?"
"What do you mean, how c—you know how Bowser gets."
"Oh…"
"Actually, Jaron, that brings up a good question," Meriee piped up. "Why did you come to the Mushroom Kingdom in the first place?"
Jaron rubbed his neck. "Oh, I'm lookin' for someone. I heard that there was a fortune teller here that would help me a little, but I think he was a bit of a fraud."
Zane and Meriee looked at each other. Zane coughed. "Uh…What was his name?"
"The fortune teller? Merlin, or Merlon, can't really remember. He had this disco ball for some reason. Wasn't very helpful."
Both Zane and Meriee looked very awkward at this. "Uh…"
"What? Something wrong?"
"Actually, Merlon is my grandfather," Meriee said very quietly.
Well, THAT was awkward.
(Kaitlin: (on walkie-talkie) Kaitlin to Zane, have you found the target?
Zane: (on other end)Well, not yet, but Jaron and I think these guys could use a—WHAT THE?! What the HECK is that?
Jaron: BATS!!! RUN!
Katilin: Guys?! Oh, never mind.
James: Also—
Chapter Ten
Ghostbusters III—Luigi's Mansion
Feels like this'll never end.
Jacob: Put Bill Murray's lawyer on the phone, pronto.)
"…Your…oh." Jaron felt uncomfortable. "I…uh…s-sorry…I didn't—
"Don't worry," Zane added. "I thought the same thing, but then Merlon read my fortune again, and, well, the rest is history."
"Really? Huh."
Meriee decided to change the subject (wise move on her part). "So, who's the person you're looking for?"
"Oh, well, according to Merlon, he's a boy with blonde hair who's apparently scared outta his pants of somethin'. You see, I've been having these weird dreams lately—"
"OH REALLY? I SMELL A CONSPIRACY!!!!"
"What the—"
"SEIZE HIM!!!"
What happened happened so fast that Jaron had no time to react. Next minute he found himself in an interrogation room (actually the castle pantry).
"LIGHTS!!!"
"LIGHTS ON!!!" Gypsy shrieked as her eye flashed like a flashlight, nearly blinding Jaron with a loud "GAH!"
Tom stood over him, blocking out the light. "WHERE WERE YOU THE DAY BEFORE TOMMORROW?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!Q??!?!?!"
"Uh…Right here?"
"HMMMMM…. HERE, he says! And WHAT were you DOING here, HMMMMMM?!?!?!?"
"Uh…talkin' to you guys?"
Crow stroke his nonexistent beard. "Oh, REAAAAAALLY, now? An odd chance of circumstances indeed!"
"True enough," Tom agreed. "Here we are, talking to him, and he says that he was here the day BEFORE tomorrow. Coincidence?"
"I believe so," said Crow.
Tom turned back to Jaron. "Now then, you said you had dreams, HMMMM?!?!?"
"Uh…yeah."
"Oh really?" Crow said absentmindedly as he read the paper. "Dooooo tell."
"Uh, I really don't have much to tell. I mean, I start with these dreams—not a single one is the same twice, by the way—some of them start with me seeing this little boy—"
"And then the two of you are confronted by the Swamp Thing, is that it?"
"Uh…no."
"WHAT?! Why not?!?!?! How can it be exciting?! Where's the DRAMA?!"
"It's because he's lazy," Tom reasoned.
"Can't be, he's not lazy."
"You don't know that."
"Oh, and YOU do?!"
Jaron promptly fled as the two of them proceeded to assault each other.
Jaron sighed has he fell back into the bed. "Well, what next?"
"We'll leave in the morning, If you want," said Kaitlin as she sat down.
"How far is this Planet of Fanfiction, anyway?" James asked.
"It'll take a while. We'll have to prepare a bit tomorrow morning, but we'll make it."
Max yawned. "Well, let's get some sleep. We're gonna need it, and besides, I'm exhausted."
Tom and Crow, however, had no intention of sleeping…
"You're an ugly little dummy, aren't you, Zane-o? An ugly, silly little dummy—stuffed with sawdust. A dummy who may never have ham, certainly not in regards to oneself. A dummy who may never drink wine…yes, an ugly, smelly, stupid…"
Zane shook himself awake. The first thing he noticed was that Crow was wearing an outrageous outfit. The second thing was that he was in a cage. The third was that he himself was wearing the most ridiculous getup ever. "What the--?! Crow? CROW! What's going on?! What the HECK am I wearing?!"
Crow continued as if he head not heard. "Not only can't you have ham, you can't have any luncheon meats—not bologna or curvature—not even a cut of salami! Why? Because luncheon meats cause the sawdust in your stomach to EXPLODE."
Zane had enough. "CROW!!!!!!"
"W-what?!"
"Okay, this is TOO much! First, you lock me up, then you dress me up in this STUPID outfit, then you start whispering odd, creepy, and, needless to say, IRRELEVANT taunts into my ear?! Now that is too much!!!"
"What?! What is wrong with that?! Zane, I have been wanting to do this all MONTH and now you're all over me!"
And as if the situation wasn't bad ENOUGH, Tom emerged wearing a dress. "Well, now that I'm set up, Crow, I'm ready to be your lovely assistant for this—"
"OH, COME ON!!!!"
"Hey, calm down, Zane, I—"
"AGH! CROW, FLEE!!!!"
After the ill-fated revival of the "Devil Doll" sketch, Tom and Crow decided to try out what they BELIEVED to be Leonardo da Vinci's flying machine, but was really—
"Guys, this is a bike with wings," Mike pointed out.
"Oh, and how would YOU know, Mike?!" Tom snorted.
"Cuz…I'm good in History."
"Oh, you and your SCIENCE, and FACTS, huh?!" Crow said snarkily as he put on pilot's goggles.
"It's not science, Crow, it's—" Joel began.
"It is UNLIMITED Science!" Tom interrupted. "Why, you ask? Because this machine's power source is the most sacred of liquids!"
Kaitlin checked under the hood. "Pink Lemonade?!"
"What's wrong with pink lemonade?"
"EVERYTHING!" everyone shouted at once.
Crow made a farting noise. "Yeah, well, that's what everyone said when Benjamin Franklin invented the light bulb!"
"No, they didn't, and Ol' Ben didn't do that, either!" said Joel.
Tom snorted. "That's what THEY said when Martha Stewart flew across the world while inventing peanut butter."
"Amelia Earhart flew across the world, George Washington Carver invented peanut butter, and Martha Stewart was NEVER involved."
"Says you." The robots jumped onto the bike. "LAUNCH!!" Crow started pedaling—Tom didn't even have legs—and soon they were airborne, flying by the moon E.T. style.
"I'M FLYING! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!" Tom cried to the heavens.
"I AM SUPER-DUPER-ULTRA-WONDERFUL-MEGA-UNLIMITED-EDITION-COLLECTOR'S-ITEM-HAPPY-MAGICAL-LIGHTING-SWIFT-GREASED-LIGHTINING-SWIFT-AWESOME-COOL-EXTRA-…UMMM…BOMBS…UH…I AM CROW!!!!!!"
There was a sound like an engine backfiring, then the bike stopped. "Oh, crap."
"Out of juice?"
"Out of PINK LEMON juice."
"Uh-huh."
"AAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!"
They wound out crashing into the Toad Town fountain (which explained why the fountain was always spurting out pink lemonade afterwards).
Jaron had to stifle a laugh. Yep, those guys are gonna be famous. He sighed and rolled over, holding on to his Shinx plushie. Hope everything goes fine tomorrow. He closed his eyes and promptly went to sleep.
But then again, it would've been LESS tiring if he didn't.
He felt like he was falling, though he had no idea how long he had been. He didn't feel scared or anything, though he was getting a bit bored. Down, down he fell into the dark abyss…
Suddenly his feet touched solid ground. As he looked around at his surroundings (more dark, by the way), he took a step forward. This caused the floor to erupt in a swarm of doves that flew around him and took off to the skies. As he watched them go in wonderment, he noticed that he was standing on a stained glass-like surface. He could see faces of people on the glass, but for some reason he wasn't able to make them out.
"I wonder where I am…"
As if in response to his question, a voice answered out of nowhere:
Always so much to do, yet there's never enough time to do them.
Jaron did not bother to ask of the identity of this voice this time—he had gotten used to odd things happening to him, and took it in stride.
But you don't have to worry—you can take your time, as much as you need. Many have gone through such an awakening, so they could wield a curse as well as a great responsibility. But you are different than all the rest… Now, can you step forward?
Jaron shrugged. "Eh, sure." He walked to the center of the platform.
Suddenly, three pedestals came out of the floor around him.
You have great power within you.
A sword appeared floating above the pedestal to his left.
Give it form…
A staff appeared on his right.
And it can give you the strength you need.
Finally, a shield appeared on the pedastal in front of him.
Choose well.
Jaron looked at the three items with interest. "Choose, huh? Well, if you want me to…" He walked over to the sword first. It had a yellow hilt, and a blue handle with a razor-sharp blade.
This sword…almighty strength sleeps within. Truly a sword of terrible destruction.
Jaron shivered. "Uh, terrible?"
The voice seemed to chuckle. Terrible as in great, not evil.
"Oh."
Is this the power you seek?
Jaron thought for a moment. "Uh…Lemme look at the other ones first."
If you wish…
Jaron checked the staff next. It was a simple thing, with a green handle and a star at the top of it. This staff…great wisdom sleeps within this. It is a staff of wonder…and ruin.
Jaron stared at it. "Ruin…huh. Uh, lemme look at that shield, and I'll tell ya what I think."
He went over to said shield and picked it up. It was a simple looking shield, red with a Starman on the front. Ah, the shield…True courage is within it, along with a desire to help one's friends. A shield that will protect all.
As soon as he touched the shield, he knew, indistinctively, that this was the one he would pick. He took the shield and examined it. "You know…I'll pick this one."
Are you sure?
"Yep!"
Suddenly, the shield vanished in a sparkle of light. Your path's set. But… Jaron looked at the sword and staff. What will you give up in exchange?
He was a bit taken aback. "Give up?Uh, well…does it really matter?"
Not much at first, but you'll find later that the choice is significant. Well?
Jaron thought for a moment. "Well…hm. I dunno. I guess it doesn't matter, really."
Really? I thought you'd say that.
Both the sword and staff vanished. You see what's truly important—not strength or wisdom, but what really matters to you—something you treasure the most—your friends.
Jaron nodded. "Yeah. They mean the world to me."
If that is true…then you may go with all three.
Suddenly, the pedestals vanished, and Jaron's vision was filled with black. When he came to, the stained glass had changed.
He could see what was on it now—allow me to describe the faces, clockwise from the left:
The first one looked like a middle-age cowboy, with his hat under his eyes. He looked gruff, but friendly.
The next one was actually a brown dog—Jaron thought of this little guy as actually being kinda cute.
The next was a woman—someone in her teens if he were to guess. She wore a blue vest, and more astonishingly, had short pink hair!
The one after her was a man with a reasonably large head and a thin mustache. He didn't know why, but Jaron thought this person would probably have a limp or something.
The one after this dude was a monkey. A monkey! What'll they think of next?
(Max: Elephants?
Kaitlin: Are they back yet?
Zane: (on phone) We traced the rights to the guy next door. Hold on, I'm gonna punch his socks off.)
After the monkey was a man highly reminicsent of an Arabian gypsy. He had a sneer on his lips that made Jaron a bit uncomfortable.
After this one was the chubbiest kid that Jaron had ever seen. His bangs covered his eyes so he couldn't see them.
The last image after this one was one he recognized instantly—Ness of Onett. He had met him several months ago with his friends. He had been a nice kid, though Jaron had been a bit jealous of his psychic powers.
And in the middle of the platform were two images he also recognized on the spot—the exact same boy from his dreams, along with that masked person from earlier that day, though the masked one had no mask and was dressed like the other boy, making them look like twins. "So, the masked guy is the mystery dream guy's twin?" As Jaron stood digesting this info, his Raptor Sword appeared in his hand.
You have the power to fight, am I correct? Always use it to protect yourself and others.
Jaron swung the sword a few times. "Sure, no prob."
Good. Just remember… Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and a strange, bluish-black creature appeared before him, accompanied by several others. Always be on your guard.
Jaron looked at the monsters with confusion, then, sighing, readied his Raptor Sword. "Oh, well, a hero's work is never done."
The first creature jumped toward him, claws outstretched. Jaron rolled out of the way and kicked it in the back, pulverizing it into dust instantly. Noting the other two behind him, he actually rolled backward, defeating them with his spines. He stood up and shook himself. "Huh. Bein' a hedgehog is pretty convenient."
Behind you!
Almost without thinking about it, Jaron swiftly turned and slashed at the blue monster that was about to ambush him. Not bad!
"Thanks." He had a sudden thought. "Hey, can I ask you your name?"
Nope.
"Just thought I'd ask."
He heard a strange sound behind him, prompting him to turn around and see a door appear out of nowhere. "That wasn't there before…"
It wasn't. You may want to go through it.
"Isn't there another platform to go to a giant pillar thing again? Can't I just save the door for last?
Sadly, no. Now, please enter the door.
"Sigh…all right." He placed a hand on the doorknob and pulled it open, revealing a blinding light…
Now, hold on. You're not quite done yet.
Jaron looked around, speechless. He couldn't believe his eyes—he was now in a village, one he recognized instantly:
Home.
Everything was just like it was when he left: the fisherman's hut stood next to the babbling brook, the blacksmith's stall the same spot in the square, the merchant's house at the main gate, even the giant crystal was in the same spot. The sight brought a few tears to his eye.
"Is this…is this really my…?"
Sadly, no. This is more of a memory. But still, you should look around a bit.
Jaron sighed, disappointed. "Well, okay…"
As he headed toward the square, he noticed a surprise: Kaitlin, Max, and James, hanging around the crystal. "Hey, guys!" Jaron ran over to them, waving frantically. "What're you doin' here?"
"Oh, you know, hangin' around," Max said casually. "Hey, can I ask you somethin'?"
"Uh, okay. Shoot."
"What would you like outta life?"
Jaron was a bit taken aback. "What I like…? Well, lemme think. Hmm…to make my friends happy?"
Max nodded. "Good answer. But just so you know, you shouldn't overexert yourself."
"I'll keep that in mind," said Jaron.
"I have a question," said Kaitlin.
"You too? Go ahead."
"What do you value most?"
Jaron chuckled. "You already know that." He spread his arms wide. "You guys!"
Kaitlin chuckled. "I feel a bit honored. Thanks."
"Don't mention it." He looked at James. "Don't tell me—You have something to ask?"
James nodded in an offhanded sort of way. "Yeah."
"Well, go ahead."
"What are you most afraid of?"
Jaron was a bit taken aback. "What I'm afraid of? Well…" He thought for a moment. "Hmm…nothin' comes to mind—" He brightened. "Oh, one thing."
"Well, what?"
"My past."
The three of them stared at him. "Well, that came out of nowhere." said Kaitlin. "Your PAST scares you? What, you do something wrong?"
Jaron shook his head. "No. I just, well…I don't really remember much about it. About five years ago…" He sat down next to Kaitlin. "Well, I told you already…me not remembering anything before then. What if…" He scratched the back of his neck. "What if I was a bad person before then? What if I was like Anti-Jaron?" He sighed. "THAT'S what I'm afraid of."
James sighed. "Wow. Um…I don't really know what to say."
Jaron shook his head. "Oh, don't worry about it." He looked at the three of them questionably. "What're you guys doing here, anyway?"
Kaitlin smiled mysteriously. "Oh, that's a bit of a secret, really."
Jaron wanted to ask what that meant, but after a minute, decided not to. "Never mind then…"
"By the way," said Max, "There's someone at the cape waiting for you."
Jaron looked surprised. "At the cape?"
"Yeah, so get goin'!" said Kaitlin, indicating for him to go on.
"Okay then," Jaron said cheerfully as he went. "I'll see you guys later."
Jaron went out of the square, wondering who he would meet at the cape. As he stepped on the path, he stopped dead.
Sitting on a tree stump, looking up at the sky, was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. She wore a yellow Capri skirt along with a white t-shirt. Her hair was bright green, and it had a pink flower, along with two darker green leaves in it.
She noticed Jaron after a minute. "Oh, hi, Jaron! I was wondering when you'd come."
Jaron was completely speechless. Then something hit him—he recognized the girl's smell instantly. But it couldn't be…
"H-h-holly?" he croaked.
She giggled. "Yep! Surprised?"
THAT was the understatement of all creation.
"B-b-bu-b-but, I thought, y-you're--!"
"A Shaymin? Yeah, it's called being a Pokémorph. Ever heard of one?"
Jaron was downright baffled. "A Pokemorph? You're a—you can turn into a—"
"Yep!" she said cheerfully.
"But—wait, if you can turn into a Shaymin, then—then how come—"
She looked a bit crestfallen at this. "Sorry, I would've turned back to a human, but…" She trailed off.
"What?"
She shook her head. "Don't worry about it. At least I could tell you now, since you wouldn't be able to understand me as a Shaymin—"
"But I can understand you."
She looked surprised. "You can?"
Jaron nodded. "Well, not totally. Just a little bit."
Holly giggled. "Well, I never knew that! You should've told me."
Jaron blushed. "Ehe…By the way, about that whole "Namine" thing—"
"Yeah?"
"I just called you that 'cause I didn't know your name. I'll call you Holly from now on, if you'd like."
"Thanks, Jaron." She hopped off the stump. "By the way, there's someone who wants to talk to you at the cape."
"Wha—you're not the person?"
"No, but you'll meet her soon enough." She extended her hand toward him. "C'mon!"
"W-wait, is it someone I know?!" He stammered out as he took Holly's hand, only to be whisked away toward the cape.
"Yep!"
Jaron couldn't help but noticed how pretty Holly was. If only she was human when they met…
Suddenly, they both stopped. Holly turned to Jaron and gestured toward the cliff edge. "Go on."
Jaron looked at her questionly; she nodded, indicating that he should move forward, then walked toward the edge of the cape, only for him to freeze, his breath caught in his throat.
Standing on the cape, facing the sea, was a woman wearing a red dress, and with brown hair. Jaron instantly remembered the smell; it brought tears to his eyes. For a moment he couldn't speak.
Then the woman spoke.
"Please tell me…what do you want the most?"
Jaron was taken aback at the question. He gave it some thought, then answered:
"I guess…well…I've always wanted a younger brother. You know, someone I could relate to. I guess, well, he'd be someone I could watch over, like any other older brother, you know? But, also…" He choked back a sob.
"I'd give anything to have you back, Mom."
There was a flash of light…
You wish to make your friends happy, and they mean the world to you. You fear your past, and you desire a sibling…
And you wish to see your mother again. Is this correct?
"…Yeah."
This time, Jaron ended up on a rectangular stained-glass platform, in front of a staircase made out of similar platforms. But these were different. These had holograms on the side, emitting from a floating circular device to the side of each individual platform. It varied wiether they were on the left or right side of their respective platform.
"What... are these?" Jaron asked aloud.
Your past life, and that's all I'm saying on that subject, the voice interjected again.
Jaron went to the first one infront of him. The image was fuzzy, and absolutely no audio to speak of, but there were things he could make out clearly. There were people, no, teenagers gathered around a boiling pot of what appeared to be stew, and it looked like they were in a very poorly made campsite. he could make out a skinny figure dangling a little boy over the pot, when it hit Jaron; the boy was the kid from his dreams! He investigated further, and was genuinely surprised when one of the figures tackled the dangler, when another figure -- Jaron figured it was a female -- caught the boy and set him down, and made gestures to apparently calm him down. "That skinny guy is weird!"
You have no idea... the voice trailed off.
Jaron advanced to the next one. Again, this was a fuzzy hologram with no audio capabilities. This time, he recognized the blond kid from his dreams on a bed, linked up to a bunch of medical equipment, and surrounded by what appeared to be surgeons. The surgeons behaved in a sort of paniced fashion, clearly worried for the boy's life. "What's happening?!"
Remember when Nova said you were the SECOND person with El Corazón del Diablo? Well...
"This kid, the kid from my dreams, is the first one?"
Bingo.
Though mentally stunned, Jaron moved to the third one. This one stuck out because, unlike the others, it was stuck in a five-second loop, though it was still as silent and as laking in quality as the others. It showed the kid again, seemingly praying, then becomeing a silouette of light, and then the loop repeated. "What's he doing?"
Although he doesn't know what it will happen because of it, he's ending his life... and beginning yours.
Before Jaron could object, there was a flash of light, and he was warped away again.
The stained glass again. It was a different image this time: It was the neck, shirt, and arms of the boy from his dreams, but placed in his hands was an object that, although embedded in stained glass, glowed more luminescent than the rest of the floor.
Or, at least two of the five fifths of it were. The circle was divided into five sections; one completely white in the top-right, one completely black in the top-left, one orangy white on the bottom, a light gray on the lower-right, and a dark gray on the lower-left. At the moment, the white and black segments were shimmering, but the other three sections seemed… dim.
I know what the circle and its segments mean. Do you wish to know?
Jaron sighed. "You again. This is the craziest dream I have ever had. Oh, and yeah."
The tone of the voice seemed serious. The white section represents Light, and the black represents Darkness. The light gray is Dawn, The darker gray is Dusk, and the orange-white section represents Twilight. The reason the Light and Dark sections are glowing… Well, for now, anyway, that will remain a secret, though I can guarantee you that the facts regarding that segmented circle will come about in due time, at which point you will return here, where I shall clarify anything clouding your mind.
Jaron actually pouted. "You're no fun."
Sorry. But like I said earlier, always be on your guard.
"Huh?" He heard a sound, and indistinctively ducked, causing another one of those blue things to fly over his head. He looked up to see an arrangement of pots with bat wings, each one a different color.
"Oh, come on!" He sighed and crouched, muttering, "I'm never gonna get a break."
Two of the pots made a beeline for him; showing all of the swiftness of a hedgehog (note the irony), he jumped over them both and landed on one, causing it to panic and fly around frantically. As it zoomed toward the other pot, Jaron jumped off it and watched as the two airborne pottery crash into each other and disintegrate. Without even turning, he slashed at another pot with his sword, destroying it.
Jaron sighed as he rubbed his neck. "Note to self: never enter a pottery shop."
Good one. Look behind you!
Jaron turned around rather swiftly. What he saw seemed to be a staircase made of stained glass (Like EVERYTHING ELSE) leading up to another tower.
Going up?
"Lamest. Joke. Ever."
Now who's no fun?
"Sorry…
As Jaron mounted the staircse, he turned and noticed that pieces of the stairs were vanishing the higher he climbed. Figuring there was no other choice but to go up, he kept going.
"How long is this going to go on?"
Don't worry, you're almost done.
"Thought I'd ask."
Finally, he reached the top. What did he see? Yep, more stained glass. Allow me to describe it:
One of the images in the middle looked like a young man with chestnut brown hair and deep blue eyes. His clothes were black, and he was holding what looked like a giant silver-gold key. Jaron found this person to be familiar somehow.
The next character had only his head showing like a photograph. He was a young man of around 14 years of age, with messy black hair, and a black thin-strip mask over his eyes. He had a cocky smile on his face.
The next one was a young man of around 17 years with intimidating yellow eyes, dark black hair fixed into dreadlocks, and a dark looking frown to match his features.
The next one was a young man around 17, with brown hair, green eyes, and the collar of a black trench coat could be seen starting at his neck.
And finally, the last one was a young man of around 13, with green eyes, with long yet short black hair. (Okay, total paradox.) Right next to his face being held by his hand was a small strange looking pen.
There seemed to be something wrong with this, however. Unlike the other stained glass murals that Jaron had seen, parts of this one were badly cracked, and glass was even missing in places.
There is always danger lurking unseen. And the closer you get, the greater your shadow becomes.
He heard a distant rumbling, prompting him to turn around…and his jaw dropped.
Towering over him, higher than Peach's Castle itself, was him. Well, it was Jaron in his human form, but anyway…
The great giant looked down at Jaron with a scowl, prompting the hedgehog boy to run with all speed, only to teeter over the edge of the black abyss. After regaining his balance, he turned around to face his human self, which was a LOT taller than him.
"Oh, great…"
Good luck. I think you'll need it. Oh, and I'd advise you draw your weapon, otherwise… well, you can guess.
Jaron took a cue from the disembodied voice and brought out the Raptor Sword. "This…is gonna be bad."
The giant punctuated this by sending a giant fist at Jaron, forcing him to roll out of the way. When he picked himself up, he saw that the fist had actually gotten stuck in the ground. No matter how much the giant pulled, it would not be extracted from the glass.
Jaron stared at it, then, getting an idea, ran up to the fist and gave it a good solid whack. The giant roared in pain as it swiftly withdrew its hand, glaring at Jaron angrily.
Suddenly, strange threads appeared around Jaron, and before he could react, he was quickly bound and lifted into the air. The giant Jaron examined him closely, as a kid examines an ant with a magnifying glass… with the intent to burn it. That is when Jaron noted his larger self's fist headed right for him. He ran in time, but was hurt slightly by the flying debris. When he collected himself, he noticed the giant Jaron was struggling to get out. He looked at the Raptor Sword. 'I wonder… if I attack him… will it be some obscure form of masochism? And will I be hurt by my own attacks?' Whatever opportunity to attack he had dwindled as the giant dislodged its fist from the floor and opted to punch the smaller, hedgehog Jaron again. Instead of rolling to the side, he actually hopped aboard his larger self's hand and ran up the arm to score a nice, clean slash across the chin.
The reward for this was a loud yell of pain, coupled with the giant grabbing Jaron and throwing him across the platform, landing with an "OOOF!" Okay, not much of a reward… "Well, at least I don't get harmed from my own attacks… ow…" Well, there's that as a reward. "Looks like it's a rinse-and-repeat for this guy." Jaron muttered to himself at the colossus version of him proceeded to punch him again. He rolled because he was dead-center in the 'target zone' and had to dodged. Then Jaron noticed the colossus lifting his foot up. "Oh, MAN!"
CRASH!!! The foot DID hit it's target. Unfortunately for the colossus, however, Jaron curled up at the last second, introducing the foot to his spines.
Foot+sharp object=what, exactly? Pain, class, that's what.
The big guy fell over, clutching his foot in pain. Jaron saw this opportunity to run up to the giant's chin and look at him in the face. "Hey, guess what?" He raised his fist. "My turn!"
BAM!!!! RIGHT in the eye. Again the creature reeled in pain, throwing Jaron off of it and causing him to land on his rear end. As Jaron got up painfully, the giant stood up and glared at him, eyes glowing red. Before Jaron could react, the monster actually jumped in the air, landing on the ground with a loud crash, causing the station to shake, nearly causing Jaron to fall off. "Ygh…" Jaron steadied himself. "Ha! That didn't work!"
He immediately regretted not keeping his mouth shut when his 'dynamic' doppelganger swooped down and grabbed him in his fist. "AGH!"
The giant brought Jaron up to his face, and started to squeeze the life out of him. "MMMGH!!" Try as he might, he could not break out of the monster's iron-clad grip.
Huh. Is that all you've got?
"NOT LIKELY!" Jaron yelled, biting into the giant's fist. This caused it to yell in more pain, dropping Jaron in the process. Enraged, it swung another fist at Jaron, missing again and having its hand embedded into the floor.
Before it could extract the fist, Jaron jumped and ran along it's outstretched arm and stood in front of it's face. "Hope you like a knuckle sandwich!" he said jokingly as he slammed one betwixt the giant's eyes.
That alone was enough to end the fight. The monster teetered backward, holding it's head, then, with a loud shout of shock, it fell over the edge of the station and into the abyss. Jaron ran toward the edge and peered over it to see where it went, but saw nothing. He sat down with a sigh of relief. "Phew…glad that's over."
Good work! I expected no less.
"Thanks…"
You are very special, Jaron. While you may not play a greater role in the events to come, your actions will be great significant to others.
Aid those you meet. Defeat evil. Your role is minor, but your actions will be great, to you, and, more importantly, them.
At the sound of footsteps, Jaron turned around to see someone near him. Before he could get much of a glimpse, however, there was a great flash of white, and everything went dark.
What he could remember, though, was that blond kid again. But, he was smiling at Jaron, and seemingly waving goodbye...
Jaron yawned a little and rolled over in his bed. He could vaguely hear Tom and Crow singing "Inky Dinky Parlez-Vous" somewhere in the castle. Using his hand to cover up his yawn, he realized he had gone back to human form for the first time in a while. While he didn't mind this one bit, he couldn't help but feel disappointed…
After he fell asleep, a gloved hand took the inhaler he had placed on the beside table. "El Corazón del Diablo, eh? I'd like to see how long you last..." With a sinister chuckle, the thief vanished into the night.
Kaitlin blinked several times. Who the HECK would be up at six o'clock in the morning?! If he or she is not gone in the next five seconds, they get an egg in the face.
Five seconds later:
Time's up. They're gettin' an egg in the face! Kaitlin immediately got out of bed, turned around—
And was confronted by the Burger King, who revealed a pair of Jr. Whoppers on a silver platter with a flourish.
"AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Excerpt from Dr. Zako's Report:
Such a horrible thing has happened that I am having a hard time piecing together everything.
The lab was attacked. Those horrible men came for my research, and they were not taking no for an answer. They destroyed everything…I tried to stop them, but I was beaten unconscious. When I came to, they were gone, and so was Luke.
Where is he? Did they take him? If so, may God have mercy on him.
But if not, I will do all in my power to find him, I swear it.
Jaron: Guess that explains your hatred of the Burger King too, right?
Kaitlin: SHUT…UP…
Jacob: The file size is half of ALL documents for Two Worlds One Door… and that's only for this chapter! Not to mention the word count's almost exactly 27,000!
Rika: So… how many more chapters to go? I mean, we must be on the final stretch…
Jacob: Yeah, only two more chapters, then we're good to go for Sole Exception.
Max: We could do Deleted Scenes, or something.
Jaron: Actually, Jordan said something about trying to do a scene in this chapter for Zane, but decided to make it a Deleted Scene later with Gantz's permission.
Zane: So, that's that?
Jaron: Yeah. Anybody have a question, we'll answer, provided you're an author on this site. (Turns to Zane) It was nice having you over. (They shake hands).
Zane: Yeah, I had some fun here. Oh, by the way, Here's the naming rights back, Jacob.
Jacob: YES!!!!! (The 'You got an item!' song from the Legend of Zelda plays). Now, let's decide the final chapter title ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!
Chapter Ten
MTS (Multiple Title Syndrome)
Jacob: I got it from watching a House, M.D. marathon.
Rika: Nice!
Lucas: Good!
Max: Good choice.
James: No complaints here.
Pearl: It sucks.
Zane: (Pulls lever, which launched Pearl through the ceiling with a shriek) And THAT is for being such a horrible woman.
Kaitlin: By the way, where's Tom and Crow?
Tom: (comes rushing in) Guys, we have a situation.
Jacob: Why?
Crow: (In the other room) DEBBIE!!!!!
Jaron: Debbie?
Lucas: Someone we know?
Jacob: You guys take care of it, I'll do the disclaimer. (Faces the readers) Any OC's you see from other authors were only used with permission. Any character that are copyrighted belong to their respective owners. Anything else is copyrighted to us, so NO STEALING!!!
Crow: (louder) DEBBIE!!!!!1!!!!!1!!!!
Zane: (sighs) We'll grab Crow, then we'll get going.
Jaron: It was nice having you over. You're always free to come back to visit if you want.
Zane: Thanks. I'll tell Gantz you said hello.
Crow: DEBBIE!!!!
~~~~~~~A Grand ol' Patrick Swayze Christmas~~~~~~~
Open up your heart and let the Patrick Swayze Christmas in.
We'll gather at the Road House with our next of kin.
And Santa can be our regular Saturday night thing.
We'll decorate a Christmas Tree and gather round and sing.
Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year!
And then we'll grab the eggnog and all come back next year!
Let's try and reach a compromise this merry Christmas year,
And we'll have some turkey so that we'll have no fights here!
I wonder if Santa has been going to the mill,
I hope that those grand ol' folks have laughed and ate their fill!
Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and all.
And this can be the haziest...
This can be the laziest...
This can be the Swayziest Christmas of them all!
La la la la, la la, la laaaaaaaaaaa!
In memory of Patrick Swayze
1952~2009
~Not just to Patrick Swayze, but also in loving memory of all those we lost in 2009~