Acknowledgements: Lots of thanks to hydraling110 for betaing.
Warnings: Just some crackiness.
Disclaimer: Transformers doesn't belong to me in any shape or way.
"Incoming transmission," the computer in the officers' room intoned monotonously, accompanied by a blue flashing light.
Prowl looked up from his usual pile of reports.
Finally.
It was the scheduled transmission that he had been waiting for. Normally, Prime would be the one answering them, but seeing as how he was currently away helping the humans with some infrastructure project or the other, that responsibility now fell on the Second in Command.
"Good morning, Elita-1," he greeted as the monitor sprang to life, showing the pink form of the female Autobots' leader.
"Hi, Prowl! Everything alright over there?"
"Yes. There is nothing much to report from our side, except that we have managed to find and destroy the solar powered laser cannon our sources told us that Megatron was building."
Elita-1 nodded. "Well done. I was a bit worried about that one, seeing as how its location was so hard to find. Glad you managed to take care of it."
"We had excellent intelligence from Mirage to help us," the tactician acknowledged, before continuing his report. "Also, recent activities are suggesting that the Earth-stationed Decepticons are planning to use the space bridge soon. You might want to be on the lookout for that."
"We'll keep an eye on it."
"So any news from Cybertron?"
The femme shrugged. "Just the usual – we raided Shockwave's energon stash again, and we've also managed to intercept a few of his transmissions to Megatron. We'll send them over to you once we've gotten them decoded."
"Thank you," Prowl said. "Anything else?"
"No, I think that's all for now."
"Then I wish you and your teammates a pleasant day." He made to turn the monitor off and end the transmission, but was stopped by Elita-1's insistent voice.
"Hey, you don't have to turn it off just yet, do you?"
Prowl halted his hand in midair and let it fall to his side. Was there something else on the femme leader's mind?
Confident that she wasn't about to be shut off, the pink 'Bot seemed to relax, her normal commanding and rather strict demeanour softening. She reclined into her chair, giving the tactician a friendly smile.
"So tell me how you're doing, Prowl? You're not getting lonely there on Earth or anything?"
The tactician's optic ridges arched towards his chevron. Why would he be getting lonely, having an entire spaceship full of mechs to keep him company? If anything, he wished for more solitude and time for himself, not less.
Sensing the black and white mech's confusion, Elita-1 quickly elaborated. "Well, there are no female Autobots in the Ark to keep you company, are there?"
Prowl's transistors froze for a moment. Had he heard correctly? The leader of the female Autobots bringing up such a subject? And to the Second in Command, to boot?
How inappropriate.
"I manage," he replied stiffly, hoping his reluctance to discuss this further would be obvious and the issue dropped.
"I'm sure you do," came the other 'Bot's sympathetic reply. "But I thought it would be nice for you to get to talk a bit to some femmes for once. I mean, it's not like you get that opportunity very often, do you?"
Prowl was on the verge of shutting off the transmission then and there, but the impulse was overridden by his desire not to be rude. The pink femme was the Autobot leader's bondmate, if nothing else. Not to mention, a very competent leader of her own team. Even if she currently wasn't acting like it.
Suddenly, the other femmes in Elita-1's team came into view as they crowded around the monitor, grinning and waving to the tactician. "Hey, Prowl! Nice to see you!"
The tactician gave a curt nod back. "Moonracer. Firestar. Chromia," he acknowledged rather flatly.
"So how's Ironhide doing?" the blue femme inquired with a grin. "Slag it, I really miss the old fragger."
"You mean, you miss how he revs your engine at night, don't you?" Moonracer sniggered, a teasing note in her voice.
Chromia punched her playfully in the arm. "Well, that too! Let me tell you, that guy really knows how to get a femme's circuits overheated!"
The red 'Bot next to her laughed. "And that's one of the advantages of being bonded to a fire truck... having someone to cool you down once things start to catch on fire!"
Her comment was followed by a barrage of giggles.
Prowl could hardly believe his audio receptors. What had caused this sudden frivolous kind of behaviour? While he could certainly imagine the kinds of conversations that went on between the femmes when they were alone, indulging in them while a mech was present was anything but proper. And it wasn't like them at all.
But, finally, his logic processor managed to churn out a reasonable explanation for this undignified scenario that was playing itself out before his very optics.
The femmes had, perhaps in celebration of their successful raid at Shockwave's headquarters, been drinking high-grade. And lots of it, too, judging by the rocky and overgrown paths the conversation was heading down. While Elita-1 had appeared sober enough at first, he knew that the average femme's systems took considerably longer to respond to high-grade than those of a mech. And so, the effects of whatever the team had been drinking were just now starting to manifest themselves.
So early in the day, too. He frowned. And to think that some of his comrades were unable to understand why he never drank high-grade...
"Although," Chromia said, still snickering, "in my case, I'd say it's Ironhide who would be in need of a bit of cooling down, considering the pictures I sent him!"
"Haha, you mean those," Elita-1 chimed in. "The whole Ark would probably kill to get their hands on them!"
"I bet." She grinned conspiratorially at the flabbergasted tactician. "Hey Prowl, wanna see the pictures Ironhide sent me in return?"
The black and white mech instinctively took a step back from the monitor. "No! That's not... I mean..."
However, Prowl's feeble protests were drowned out by the supportive shouts from the blue femme's teammates. "Yeah, let's see them, Chromia!"
The femme fished around in her subspace pocket and brought out a fist of colourful photos. They were passed around among the eager femme hands, accompanied by the snickering and giggling of the participants. Prowl did his best not to look. He really didn't want to see the weapons specialist in such... compromising positions.
He squinted for an astrosecond. Who would have known that the servos of an old mech like Ironhide could actually bend that way... The tactician shuddered and looked away.
"You have the ones you sent to Ironhide, too? Figured I might as well get some inspiration for something to send to poor lonely Inferno..." Firestar grinned.
"Oh, I do."
More pictures were brought forth, and to Prowl's horror, this time the sleek form of the blue femme was adorning them.
Oh Primus. If the weapons specialist ever found out that another mech had seen such pictures of his bondmate, however inadvertently, there wouldn't be words to describe his displeasure.
"You look dreamy! Absolutely gorgeous! I bet Ironhide can't help but stick his fingers right into his own circuitry whenever he looks at these!"
Moonracer grabbed a picture of the weapons specialist and gave it an appreciative nod. "Heh, don't you just love how it's always the reserved, stoic mechs who turn out to be the ones totally lacking in inhibition once it gets down to the interesting stuff?"
"Tell me about it," Elita-1 nodded sagely. "It's like when I met Optimus. I thought at first he was going to be a total bore in the berth, but instead, the walls around me seemed to be exploding into supernovas once he got beneath my chassis. He just couldn't get enough, and..."
Prowl choked. He really didn't need to hear this.
The pink femme grinned at Prowl, winking an optic in his direction. "Yeah, you know what we're talking about, right?"
"I..." was all the tactician managed. This had to stop. Now.
"Look. I-I have... things to do. Reports to write. Would you please excuse me?"
"Alright, Prowl," Elita-1 sat up in her chair, firing off a friendly smile. "Just remember, if you ever feel lonely over there, you know where to turn!"
"And be sure to give my thanks to Ironhide for the photos he sent me. I loved them!" Chromia winked at him.
Prowl couldn't wait to hit the red button that would end the transmission.
End note: Well, what can I say other than that the female Autobots must be getting lonely too.