I ran to the lodging house where I know Jack would be. I was going to yell at him for letting them take Crutchie away but now I have to think logically about this. How was anyone supposed to get to Crutchie without getting soaked by the Delanceys or caught by Snyder? Is this what I get? Is this what I deserve for being the Delancey's spy?

Everything really is so complicated now! Why is it everything hard and tough comes to me? And again those feelings I had for Crutchie there and how he held me and how we almost kissed. I still wonder if it's for the best how we are as friends or more than friends. I don't know! I don't know anything nowadays! I'm always passing by needing someone to depend on. Wonder when I'm gonna start doing things by myself now.

"I heard what happened. I'm not blaming you for this. But this is what I was afraid for. I knew something like this would happen." I turned around and saw Scarlet. "You did? Then why didn't you tell me before?" I cried. "I was scared. I knew how important the strike was to you and I knew how much you wanted your shot at being an activist so I didn't want to ruin it for you."

"You don't understand. Now that this has happened a lot of innocent kids got hurt and Crutchie... I'm never gonna see him again. I was wrong. I was wrong about my feelings for him. I thought it was best if we stayed friends but... No. We were meant to be together. I felt it when we felt each other's hearts. I felt it when he held me. This is it. And now because of me it will never happen."

"What are you talking about? You didn't call the bulls. You didn't call Snyder." I can't tell her what I've been doing. It'll make the situation more worse. If I tell her then she'll just turn her back on me along with the newsies. Until I realized that I had a bone to pick with the Delanceys. But before that I have to go to Katherine. I have to tell her the real story. My story. Once the story goes out tomorrow morning then maybe it'll give me a chance to be heard and maybe do something about the refuge.

I left Scarlet confused and started running to the address that Katherine gave me. I didn't know why she told me to climb up and take the stairs to the balcony. What's wrong with knocking on the door? I hesitantly tapped on the window many times. I just really needed to talk to her. Katherine opened the window and I rushed into the room leaning on the wall panting.

"My god! Is everything OK?" I gave her a quick wave telling her that I'm OK. "Did you run all the way here?" Was it not evident to her? She was back in the room with a glass of water and I started quickly downing the water. "Slowly, Slowly."

"It's my fault. It's all my fault. Everything that happened. The bulls, the goons, and Snyder. It was all me." I said. "Calm down. Why is this all your fault? Why are you blaming yourself for something you didn't cause?" she said. "It's hard to explain. But it has something to do with me. If I didn't let them take Crutchie away he wouldn't be in the refuge right now. All throughout the rally I did nothing. Now look what's happened. Newsies beaten and hurt and one taken away. I know I'm not a war soldier and I don't know that much about war but I do know this. You never leave a man behind." I went back to crying on her bed sheets. Katherine comfortingly patted my head. She told me the same thing that Scarlet told me. That I should stop blaming myself. It's easy for both of them to say.

I got up and wiped my face and took a deep breath. I was ready to tell her. "I'm ready to tell you now. My backstory. What I couldn't tell you the moment we met. And it's OK if you take notes. Jack's my brother and the only family I got. My mother died giving birth to me and my father hates my guts so much. He got his butt landed in the penitentiary. Jack and I was sent to the refuge where a bunch of horrible things happened. He was my brother and I trusted him. He protected me. Then that day came when we both decided to escape. You probably know the story already. He jumped onto the back of Teddy Roosevelt's carriage and rode off. But what you don't know is that he left me behind. I was given like an additional six months for attempted escape. But it wasn't an additional six months it was like an additional two years. I landed my butt in doing servant work. I was Snyder's personal maid. I cooked for him, cleaned for him, and entertained for him. Don't ask me on the entertainment part. I rather keep that to myself."

"How did you get out then?"

"I was cleaning the floors one day and it seemed like on that day there was not much care put around to make sure I don't get out. Big mistake. They left the door partially open and Snyder and most of the staff were too busy to pay attention to me. So off I ran. I slid under the opening of the metal gate and ran as fast as I could. The newsies found me lying around in my old house which is now boarded up. They made me one of them. They made me a part of their family. But how is it a family when I can't get along with my own brother. He left me there and he didn't think twice in looking back. I just have so many mixed feelings for Jack. Like today at the rally the speech he gave it made me think that he might've changed but after seeing how he abandoned Crutchie like how he abandoned me left me with feelings contempt and hatred. I just don't know who I am now."

"Well that's some story. I can't tell you who you are. That's for you to decide. But I do know this it's the past that shapes how you are in the future. I can't fix your situations but I can advise you how to solve them." I heard someone knocking on Katherine's door. "I have to go. But tomorrow is a new day. I'm sure you can figure something out to handle your problems. If you ever feel lonely just know I'm here." The same thing that Scarlet said to me one time. Now I have two people that i can look up to. If only it were that easy to figure out my problems.

I wasn't ready to deal with the Delanceys yet. I wasn't ready to go back home. I don't think I'm ready for love yet. What kind of a lover abandons the one they love if they're in grave danger. Sadly me. I know Crutchie wanted me to leave but I could've done something to help him. I bet he was just saying that and holding me because he felt sorry for me. He knows my pain all too much. I bet he did all those things out of pity for me. I don't think this relationship is meant to be not even as friends if I'm the one causing all this and making him feel bad. But what's more mixed up is that he still means so much to me. The feelings I had for him before still lingers in me.

"I sense there's something in the wind

That feels like tragedy's at hand

And though I'd like to stand by him

Can't shake this feeling that I have

The worst is just around the bend"

"And does he notice my feelings for him?

And will he see how much he means to me?

I think it's not to be."

I do the only thing I'm ready to do. Leave. I go to the Delancey's house and hope they already have my ticket ready. The sooner I get my ticket, the sooner I can abandon these dark memories that follow me.

" What will become of my dear friend?

Where will his actions lead us then?

Although I'd like to join the crowd

In their enthusiastic cloud

Try as I may, it doesn't last

And will we ever end up together?"

"No I think not, it's never to become

For I am not the one."

I was ready. I was so ready to leave. I was so ready that I didn't think anyone would miss me. Why should they? Once the truth's out that I've been spying on for the Delanceys then they'll be happy that I left.

"Look who it is? Just the person we were waiting to see." Morris was more happier this time and more friendlier when he let me in the house. Probably because they finally hit Jack's weak spot and sent it to the refuge, along with mine.

"Eliza Kelly. Just the girl I was thinking about. We have some good news and some bad news. I'll start with the bad news first so to get that out of the way. The bad news is during the rally we tried so hard to keep your newsies safe but it's not our call to call in the goons and the bulls and to break up the rally in a hard way. We really tried to keep them safe but Snyder came to the rally and took away Crutchie. We really did try to save him but once Snyder has a kid then there's no way to rescue that kid. We're sorry. But the good news is that we have your ticket to Santa Fe." Oscar gave me my ticket in an envelope. I opened it and saw the official train ticket. It was even first class. "Why would you give this to me early? Don't you want me to keep feeding you with information?"

"My dear you've suffered so long. You've been through a terrible past and a terrible brother. You deserve a break. A much deserved break. We know how much you really wanted to go to Santa Fe and it just breaks my heart to see you suffer here in New York. You've done your time here. Go. Relax and forget all your worries." Oscar put his hand on my cheek. I immediately took that hand away. His touch makes me feel uncomfortable.

"What about the newsies? They'll need someone like me. I've been taking care of them ever since they found me and who am I to pay them back with leaving and them not knowing?"

"We'll take care of them. We know what to do. Practically self-taught. We learned from the best." I knew Morris was talking about me. "Don't worry we've stopped the beatings. We basically turned over a new leaf. You and your kindness have inspired us to better our lives and better the lives of others around it." I highly doubt Morris meant anything he said. But it is what it is. I looked at my ticket once more and finally decided that I will be leaving.

"Thank you... For everything."

Song used: Sally's Song from Nightmare Before Christmas