Close Your Eyes and Stay Awhile

My ears were ringing. My mind was reeling in complete and utter shock.

He loves me. He loves me. He loves me.

There was a pounding in my ears and a throbbing in my chest. I could hardly believe it; Edward Cullen, the most beautiful creature in the entire world, loves me. I was truly speechless.

But Edward wasn't at all fazed. He just smiled, not expecting me to say anything in return. "We should probably get inside. You don't want the eggs to spoil." And he got out of the car, leaving me still shocked in the passenger's seat. It wasn't until I realized he was waiting expectantly on the front porch that I even contemplated getting out of the car.

When I finally got out and walked to the front door, Edward carried in the groceries for me without being asked. I followed him, dumbstruck and speechless.

In my dazed state, I slowly walked to the kitchen and barely watched as that beautiful creature flew all over the kitchen, putting away the groceries with absolutely no direction from me. A small part of my brain wondered a little suspiciously how he knew where I kept everything, but the majority of my mind was still preoccupied with his shocking confession.

When he was finished, he took the seat next to me and smiled. It was around this time that I finally regained my voice. "Edward," I rasped, a little desperately, "I don't think—"

"Bella," he interrupted me smoothly with a deeply reassuring look on his face, "I don't expect you to say anything now. I want you to think about it very carefully. Everything has been happening so quickly that you haven't had any time to process this and I respect that. You need time, and I'm not going to pressure you to tell me how you feel immediately." And suddenly his eyes were burning with such intense ferocity that for a split-second, I forgot where I was. "But I want you to know that somehow in the midst of all of this, I fell in love with you. I fell so far, so deep that I didn't realize it until it was over. I've passed the point of no return, Bella."

Those were sentiments for which girls all over the country pined. There were women who would have killed just to hear someone as handsome as Edward whisper those words passionately to them. But I must have been the luckiest of them all, because I was the one experiencing it. Edward Cullen, arguably the most gorgeous creature in the known universe, was telling me that he loved me. And what was more, he told me he didn't even expect me to love him back.

But he wasn't anywhere near finished. "I know that you've been through so much. Your life changed in a matter of moments and you were left alone to gather the pieces and put them back together. But you're not alone anymore. I'm here. I'm here and I will stay here with you."

A lump hardened in my throat and tears began to well in my eyes. His words were so beautiful, so absolutely perfect that I felt my heart shattering in my chest, almost as if it were made of glass. And in some ways, it was almost as if I had been waiting my whole life to hear him say that.

And there were so many things that I had trouble accepting: the fact that he and his family were actually vampires, the fact that he was as beautiful as he was, the fact that he was here with me, the fact that he loved me…but there was one thing that I believed unequivocally. I knew, without a single doubt, that he would always be there for me. If I needed him, he would not hesitate to rush to my side.

"Thank you," I finally whispered as I hastily wiped the tears from my streaming eyes. There was so much more to say, so much more that I felt obligated to tell him, but I couldn't find the words to express it. I couldn't tell him how much I had come to rely on him in the course of six days.

Edward very carefully reached a pale hand to help wipe away the last of the moisture on my face. I felt a shiver when his cold skin touched my face. "You never need to thank me."

We stayed there, staring at each other and wordlessly expressing what we were feeling. Being anywhere near him always made me feel lighter, a little less weighted and heavy. His mere presence often made me forget why I was in Forks in the first place.

Eventually, I realized that Charlie would come back any minute, so I started on his dinner. While I was in the kitchen, Edward was next to me, helping me slice vegetables and grimacing at the stovetop every so often. I smiled a tiny bit and asked, "Does it really smell that bad?"

"Just to me," he said very lightly. "I find human food mildly disgusting."

I chuckled for the first time in months. The action lifted a bit of the heaviness on my chest and made the smile on Edward's face grow wider. "I could say the same thing about your diet," I teased shyly. "To each his own, I guess."

He turned abruptly solemn. "So you're not horrified? You don't think I'm a monster?"

I never thought Edward would be so insecure about who he really was, so I sought to reassure him. "I don't think you're a monster," I told him. "Would monsters save me from wayward vans?"

He smiled. "I suppose not."

Charlie came back just when I was finishing up. "Bella?" he called as he walked into the house.

"Hello, Charlie," I greeted him when he entered the kitchen. He paused in the doorway, shocked at both the fact that I had greeted him and at Edward Cullen's presence in his house.

"Hello, Chief Swan," the man in question greeted courteously.

"Edward helped me run some errands today," I added for my guardian's benefit. "And he offered to help me make dinner."

"I hope you don't mind," he added, almost as an afterthought.

Charlie eventually found his voice. "No, not at all," he shook his head. "I—I'm just glad that Bella didn't have to spend the day alone. Why don't you stay for dinner, Edward? The least I could do is feed you."

Edward and I exchanged amused grins at his seemingly-innocent words. In the corner of my eye, I saw Charlie's expression brighten.

"I would love to stay for dinner," he finally answered with much grace. I shot him a confused look, but he only smiled at me in return. "I'm sure Carlisle and Esme won't mind."

"Good," Charlie said satisfactorily. "I'm just going to get cleaned up. I'll be down in a minute."

When he was well out of earshot, I turned to Edward with raised eyebrows. "Can you even eat human food?" I demanded.

His smile quickly turned into a playful grimace. "I can…it's just a rather unpleasant experience. Emmett wasn't lying when he said those welcome casseroles tasted like dirt."

"So what will you do?"

He shrugged. "I'll just move the food around on the plate and pretend like I ate. It seems to work for young children all the time."

It turned out that it did work. Charlie hadn't paid nearly as much attention to his food as he did to what Edward said. Quite frankly, I was entranced as well. I shouldn't have been surprised at this point; I had spent enough time with him to know that he was naturally (even supernaturally) charming. He dazzled everyone around him with his amazing good looks and his charming, courteous manners. And, as Charlie clearly proved, it worked on males as well.

At that moment, the two of them were discussing college football. I was paying more attention to Edward than I was to the conversation, but it gave me time to think about the strange turn of events my life had taken in the last five hours.

First of all, I learned that vampires existed, and the Cullens were probably the largest family of vampires in the world. I suppose this fact should have scared me to death, but I couldn't compel myself to feel the proper amount of terror. Vampires were supposed to be creatures that haunted people's dreams; they were the subject of horror films and literature since the beginning of time. But how could Edward be terrifying to me? Or Carlisle, for that matter? How could I see them as monsters when they struggled so fiercely against the instincts of their kind?

And perhaps the most shocking of all news, I learned that Edward Cullen loved me. Someone as perfect and amazing as Edward couldn't love me. He deserved more than I could ever give him. He deserved to love someone who could keep up with him, someone who was whole. Someone who wasn't broken.

When dinner was finished and Charlie had retreated into the living room, I was left to wash the dishes with Edward at my side. It was a little disconcerting because the moment I finished rinsing a dish and handed it to him, he dried it instantly and put it away, waiting patiently for the next one. I probably should have let him do the dishes by himself; he would have completed the task much more quickly.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to you," I declared when the dishes were finished.

He cocked his head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"You're so…" I struggled to find the words to describe him. "You're so different from anyone I've ever met. And it's not just the fact that you're not human…it's the other stuff too. You do things that people wouldn't or aren't willing to do. Like when you stayed in the hospital with me…if I had told anyone else to go away, they would have. But you didn't. You stayed."

His eyes softened as he reached toward me and stroked my cheek. My breath hitched in my throat when his skin touched mine and I felt electricity shoot through my veins. "I couldn't leave you there alone," he whispered. "You've been alone for too long."

I bit my lip and looked around the kitchen. I didn't know what to do; now that dinner was over and the dishes were finished, there wasn't a reason for him to stay any longer. But the thought of him leaving was unbearable.

"Do you want to come up to my room?" I blurted before I could stop myself.

His face broke into a wide grin. "Yes. I'd like that a lot."

He followed me as I walked up the narrow staircase. My heart was hammering away in my chest, threatening to burst out of my ribcage. Edward probably could have heard it, even if he didn't have superhuman hearing.

When we got to my room, he started to look around at my belongings and I stood at the foot of my bed, holding my arms a little awkwardly. He wandered toward my bookcase and started looking through my collection.

"It's not very big," I said sheepishly. "I only have the classics and a few contemporary stuff. I haven't read anything in a while."

"There's nothing wrong with the classics," he said as he pulled Jane Eyre off the shelf. "Which one's your favorite?"

I walked over to my bookshelf and pulled off my copy of Pride and Prejudice. It was easily the most weathered book in my collection. "I know it's kind of cliché for girls to love it, but I can't help it. Jane Austen's probably my favorite author."

He grinned. "Mine as well. She depicts the family life very accurately."

I allowed myself a small grin. "I think her individual characterizations are brilliant. Jane was the sweet one, Elizabeth was the stubborn one, Mary was the bookworm and Kitty and Lydia were flighty. It all makes complete sense and they all fit together so perfectly. And Darcy's character was so complex, much more so than Elizabeth. They complemented each other and she knew that. I think that's what makes Austen one of the greatest authors of all time."

Edward's eyes warmed. "I think Elizabeth is more complex than you give her credit for."

I frowned. "I disagree. She was very vocal in her opinions; she said what she was thinking, no matter who was offended. She rarely hid anything or kept anything secret. She was a very open person."

"True, she was very open. But she has a very complex way of thinking. She was always overprotective of her family and she wasn't taken in by Darcy's good looks and riches when everyone else was. She turned him down when he first proposed when any other girl would have said yes in an instant, no matter how repulsive she found him. She was truly a visionary for her time and a very dynamic character."

I shrugged. "Sure, back then she was a visionary. But now, we're all so used to the story, we find it a bit cliché. Which is another reason I like the book so much; it was the first story to come out about a girl who could think for herself."

He nodded. "You have a point." Then he turned his attention to the box of CDs I had sitting next to my stereo. He pulled out one of the CDs and examined the cover. "I never would have guessed that you listened to Linkin Park."

My heart squeezed, but not as painfully as it usually did. "My father used to love them," I said as I examined the art over his arm. "He gave me that CD for my last birthday."

Edward's expression was solemn but a little amused at the same time, a feat that was not easily managed, I imagine. "Really? Not very many adults I know would enjoy Linkin Park."

I couldn't help but grin a little. "Phil loved Linkin Park; in fact, he liked a lot of alternative bands. Some of his favorites were Muse and Foo Fighters. Renee wasn't particularly fond of either of them, but she put up with them just for him."

He wrinkled his nose. "I was never as fond of Foo Fighters as everyone else was. I certainly think they're talented and I appreciate a few of their songs, but they're a little overrated."

The hole in my chest throbbed a little. "It's a good thing that Phil will never hear you say that." I smiled sadly. "He loved them. He even offered to take my friends and me to one of their concerts. When I told the kids I sat with at lunch, their eyes nearly popped out of their sockets."

Edward put the CD away. "Did you have a lot of friends in Phoenix?"

I shrugged. "Not really. I talked to a few kids in my classes and I sat with a few of them at lunch. We had very pleasant conversations, but nothing more than that. None of them were what I'd call a best friend; I was too close to my parents to have other friends."

He frowned. "You never spent time with other people your age?"

I shook my head. "Not really. I didn't relate to the other kids. I still don't. We always have different interests, and we always think differently. Not even my parents could relate to me completely, and they were my best friends."

"But didn't that make you feel…incomplete?"

I sighed. "All the time. But what was I going to do? Force someone to think like me just so I would get along with them? That's not fair to them."

Suddenly, he took my hands in his. "But it's not fair to you, either. I never realized how lonely you were until now. You've been alone your whole life, haven't you?"

The blood rushed to my cheeks and I abruptly looked away. "What about you?" I asked. "Haven't you been alone? It's always been Carlisle and Esme, Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper. Didn't you ever feel left out?"

He shrugged. "I'll admit, there were moments when I would have liked to have had a partner, but I eventually resigned myself to the impossibility." The longing in his voice was very faint, but I could still hear it. "After decades, I had learned to be content with just my family for company." Then he turned his warm eyes to me and I felt my insides slowly melt. "But I doubt you've had as much practice as I have."

"Perhaps," I murmured. "But I've gotten used to it too."

He reached for my hands and held them in his. "You shouldn't have to settle for it. You deserve more than that."

His words cut through me. They were the words that I so longed to hear, the ones that I needed to hear more than ever. But for some reason, they hurt. They made the hole inside of my chest ache and throb as tears sprang to my eyes.

"Bella?" he whispered. "Oh, no…" His gentle fingers were suddenly wiping the tears off my face and I struggled to restrain my reaction. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I didn't mean to cry at all," I murmured.

But what he had told me was something I had struggled with for so long. He was right; I had been alone my entire life, but for the past three months, I started to believe that this loneliness was something I deserved. If I had tried harder, if I had done something differently, then my mother and father would both still be alive. But that was not the case. I did what I did, and now I was reaping the benefits. My loneliness was the consequence of my decisions and actions, and I would have to deal with this for the rest of my life.

As I looked into those gentle, warm gold orbs, I felt myself panic slightly. How could someone so beautiful, so wonderful and amazing love someone like me? He said I deserved something greater, but he didn't know…he couldn't realize the extent of my damage. If he knew, would he still love me? Would he still say I deserved more?

"Edward," I whispered, "Don't you think…I mean, haven't you thought that maybe…maybe it's a mistake?"

He frowned. "What's a mistake?"

"That you love me?"

His mouth pressed into a firm line, but his eyes softened. "Bella," he whispered my name with such a soft caress that my knees nearly buckled right then and there. "Loving you could never be a mistake. Do you realize how long I've been waiting to meet someone like you? You asked me earlier if I had ever felt lonely. The truth is I never thought I was. I thought I was complete within myself; little did I know that the holes inside of me had been there since I was born. Little did I know that I would have to wait over a hundred years before you could fill them. And now that I'm here, whole and happy, there's no way I could look at this and see this as a mistake. I love you. And even if you don't love me back, I can at least content myself to soak in the radiance of your presence."

Then he stepped away and let my hands drop to their sides. I immediately felt disappointed; I wanted to touch him again, and never let him go. This thought greatly disturbed me.

"You've learned a lot today," he said gently. "I think I'll leave you now, to get some sleep and absorb the information. But remember don't hesitate to call me if you need me. I'll be here in an instant."

I bit my lip, but nodded. As much as I was reluctant to let him leave, he was right; I needed some time alone to think about all that was revealed to me.

I led him down the staircase and he went into the living room to thank Charlie for allowing him to stay. When they finished exchanging goodbyes, I walked him back out to Rosalie's car. "Goodnight, Bella," he whispered. He took my right hand and pressed his cold, white lips against my knuckles and I shivered at the touch.

"Goodnight," I replied.

Without taking his eyes off me, he opened the car door, climbed in and backed out of the driveway. I stood there on the porch and watched him drive off into the distance. I didn't move until the roar of the engine had faded into the night.

After standing there, staring at the empty spot that shiny red convertible had once been for almost ten minutes, I turned back around and went into the house. When I got back to my room, I collapsed back into the rocking chair and closed my eyes.

How could this be happening? Vampires had never been real; my mother struggled to convince me of that fact throughout my entire childhood. Even now that Edward was gone, it was hard to believe their existence. But when Edward was here, it was so easy to accept; his inhuman beauty, his ethereal grace, and the way he never seemed to eat.

And perhaps the greatest indicator of his true nature was that strange vibe he gave; when I first met him, I felt a natural, instinctual aversion to him. Even when he told me about killing that man, I wanted to run. His eyes looked so dark and dangerous; eyes so similar to another pair…

No, I thought firmly. I will not think of that. Not tonight.

Then, for the very first time in three months, I decided to go to sleep. As much as I hated to admit it, my subconscious knew me better than I knew myself. If I wanted to learn how I really felt about this whole situation, it would be best to let my dreams figure that out for me.

After preparing to go to sleep, I took the quilt off the untouched bed and wrapped it around myself as I curled up in the rocking chair. In less than no time, I was asleep, drifting into the dark corridors of my unconscious mind.

I heard footsteps echoing all around me. I whipped my head in every direction, to see where they were coming from. A shadow shifted in the dark distance and my heart pounded as the sound of footfalls came ever closer.

As the figure came closer and closer, I realized it was Edward. His copper hair was splayed untidily over his forehead and stood out brilliantly against his pale skin. The lovely gold of his eyes shined with such intense emotion that I almost had to look away from his expression. Even in my dream, he was so incredibly lovely.

Suddenly, someone walked up from behind me. I never got a clear look at her face because her long brown hair swayed in front of it, but from what I could see, she was beautiful. She had a lovely, peaches and cream skin tone and she was slender and delicate. And she had a curtain of ruler straight, mahogany colored hair cascading down her back.

She walked up to Edward, who seemed to recognize her. His eyes lit up in happiness, anyway, when he saw her. To my intense annoyance, I felt a wave of jealousy wash over me. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I wanted him to look at me that way. Not some random girl.

"I was wondering when you would show up," he told her.

"I was waiting for you," she replied. There was something so familiar about her voice…something I couldn't put my finger on.

Then Edward bent forward and kissed her. I felt my heart squeeze tightly and the despair well in my throat. Didn't he say he loved me? What happened to those pretty words he gave me this afternoon? Was I so easily forgotten in the presence of a prettier woman?

The kiss lasted for what seemed like a lifetime. My heart shattered into smaller and smaller shards with each passing second. Perhaps this was why I was so reluctant to get close to Edward; I would inevitably end in pieces.

When he finally pulled away, his angelic face broke out into a wide smile. "Have I told you how much I love you today?"

The woman laughed; the sound seemed to fill the darkness with warmth and I felt such a sharp sense of longing pierce me. "Yes, you have. But it's nice to hear again, nonetheless."

"Then I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you too. More than words can ever express."

The scene unfolded before me with such heart wrenching, poetic expression, and I couldn't stand it. For some reason, the thought of Edward proclaiming his love to someone else made me sick and desperate. I hated myself for it, but I couldn't help the fact.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked her.

"Yes," she replied. Then she turned around.

I gasped. The girl I had been envying was none other than myself; she was the same reflection I had stabbed several nights before. "Bella?" she asked. "Are you coming?"

I stood speechless. I had been envying the version of me from three months ago this whole time.

When I hadn't said anything, she pulled herself from Edward's embrace and walked toward me. "Bella," she whispered with the loveliest, most inviting smile on her face. "Now is your chance. If you give this up, you'll never get another one." She reached up and wiped away the tears I hadn't realized already began to fall. "Come on, Bella. Don't let this opportunity pass you by. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't." She held out her hand, inviting me to take it.

I hesitated. Did I trust myself? Could I trust myself ever again?

Then I looked up at Edward. His eyes were so soft, so loving. His smile made his already handsome face all the more angelic. I knew that if it were within my power, I would make sure that he looked that happy for the rest of his life. He deserved that much.

I looked back at my reflection. She, too, looked happy. Her grin showed a contentment greater than what she felt when she was happy and whole, living a perfectly cheerful life in Phoenix, Arizona with two parents who doubled as best friends. She was undamaged and unspoiled. It was as if the darkness of Alan Vickers had never even touched her.

She was right. This was my last chance; this was the very last chance I would ever get to fix what was broken. So I took a deep breath and slipped my hand in hers.

She smiled. "Welcome back, Bella," she whispered, before leaning forward and pressing her lips on my forehead.

My eyes snapped open and my reflection disappeared. Instead, I faced the dark window, overlooking the tops of the trees that made up the small forest surrounding the house.

Just as I predicted, my subconscious knew how I felt. Somehow, in the midst of all this insanity, in the impossible span of six short days, I had fallen in love with Edward Cullen. I had let my guard down enough to allow him to penetrate my defenses, and now that there was no going back, I knew I was in love with him. And the greatest part of it was he loved me as well.

However, I was not worthy of his love. Not yet. But I would be.

A/N - Yay for progress!

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