Chapter 10! Kurt's settling in at Dalton. With things calming down he will explore have more time to wallow in his emotions. Though I did not intend it to originally, this story might get fairly dark. I'm trying to keep it from going too dark. I will sprinkle some lightheartedness in there as well. Also, some Klaine adorableness. Enjoy! Read and review.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee; or Harry Potter. My life is so sad. :(
The Warblers are great. Singing fills the emptiness, somewhat, and the boys are friendly and inclusive. But most of them are always trying to get Kurt to do things. To hang out with them or play games. They crack an excessive number of jokes when he's around, trying to make him laugh. Because they've noticed that he never smiles. They can see his expressionless face and his blank stare; and they think they can fix it with silly quips. They don't know what's wrong with him. And though that's the way he wants it; it is still very frustrating.
To get away from them he tells them that he has to do his homework. Actually though, he doesn't hardly do the work. He'll open the calculus packet and stare at the complex equations he doesn't know how to solve and wonder what the point of even trying is. He doesn't want to be here anyway. In this school. In this town. Maybe not even in this world.
What does he even have left here? What reason does he have to stay here? Everything he cares about has been taken from him: his mom, his dad, his home, and his friends. All that is left to inhabit him is emptiness. Emptiness that he forces upon himself. Because if he isn't empty then he is full. Full of overwhelming sorrow and loneliness. Full of pain. Full of anger.
Useless anger towards everything. Towards the hospital and doctors that failed to save his mom from kidney failure due to her diabetes and his dad from his heart attack. Towards his dad for not taking care of himself right, having the heart attack, and dying. At all the adults who don't know him but get to choose what is 'best' for him. Useless anger because he can't do anything about it. He can't take it out on them.
The inability to express those emotions the way he wants to leaves him with only the option of burying them deep inside him and hiding them by convincing everyone else and himself that he feels nothing.
Maybe that's not healthy, but whatever. It's the only thing he can do. He can't make friends here. He can't laugh or have fun or be happy. That would be an insult to his Dad's memory. As angry at his dad as he is he won't insult him.
Kurt is drawn from his depressed thoughts by the chipper tweets of the sweet little yellow bird in its cage. The obnoxious little thing rarely shuts up. Kurt gets out of his chair to grab the bird seed and refill the little bowl. Maybe he's wrong, he does have a purpose in life. To keep this stupid little ball of optimism alive. Great.
After taking care of the bird Kurt collapses onto his bed. He'd like to just waste away here and now. His phone starts ringing and he grudgingly picks it up. The caller ID reads his grandpa's nursing home; probably calling to tell him that he's dead too. He regretfully answers the call. "Hello?"
"Hey, Squirt. How are you?" Hubert's voice comes through.
"Grandpa?" Kurt asks.
"Yeah. You doing okay?" His grandpa asks.
"I'm fine."
"Really. Vincent hasn't tried anything? Laurette's treating you well?" He sounds worried.
"They sent me to boarding school. I haven't seen them in over a week." Kurt says.
"That's good. All of us here are worried about you. Carole says she hasn't talked to you since they, quote, 'dragged you out of McKinley during goodbye's'. I wanted to make sure." Hubert says.
"Yeah. I'm fine. And I should call Carole." Kurt agrees automatically.
"They haven't hurt you. But how are you emotionally? You sound quite lackluster, not vibrant like you used to."
"I'm-" he bit off another 'fine'. "I'm trying to be okay. It hurts; and I hate it. I miss you. I miss Carole and Finn and my friends. I want to come home." Kurt whines.
"I know. We want you home too. We'd do anything to have you back. But it doesn't work like that." His grandpa says.
"Please. I want to come home." Kurt doesn't fight the tears, anything to convince his grandpa to give in.
"It's not up to us." his grandpa is trying to be gentle about it. It's not what Kurt wants.
"That's stupid." He complains.
"I know Squirt."
"It's not fair." Kurt continues.
"I know. But you have your car. You can visit us anytime, as long as you aren't skipping school." He adds the last part in teasing.
"I miss you." Kurt says.
"I miss you too, Squirt." Another voice comes muffled from the other end of the line. "I've got to go Kurt. But I love you. Don't be a stranger."
"I love you too." Kurt sobs.
The line goes dead and Kurt drops his phone on the bed beside him. He sobs a few times and huffs in attempts at deep breaths. He sniffs and wipes at his face. He's had to do that so much recently it is a wonder his skin isn't rubbed raw. It takes a few minutes for him to get control of his emotions again.
He rolls over to find a nervous looking Nick standing awkwardly at the door. Kurt gasps in surprise and embarrassment. Nick walks slowly towards him stuttering out "H-hey, are you alright?"
"I'm fine." Kurt fusses over his appearance. "Sorry about… I was just… sorry."
"It's okay. We all get homesick. You don't have to be ashamed or hide it." Nick says.
"How much of that did you hear?" Kurt asks.
"Just the end. Form when you said you wanted to go home." Nick says. Kurt just nods. Nick continues. "Some of us are going to go have a movie marathon tonight. We wanted to invite you. Would you come?"
"I don't want to go to the lounge right now." Kurt says.
"We're actually going over to Wes' room, his roommate is out for the weekend and his parents got him a projector last Christmas. It's just a few of us, not at all public. Please. Blaine and Jeff and I really want you to come." Nick says.
Kurt considers. "Okay. Sure." He allows himself to be pulled out of bed. "Let me clean up a little before we go." He goes to their bathroom and rubs some moisturizer into his face. He applies makeup to his eyes to hide the redness and bagginess of them.
Upon exiting, he finds that Jeff and Blaine have come into the room. "Hey, you ready? Wes has got the projector set up and David is bringing the food. They're waiting for us." Nick says.
Kurt nods and the four of them make their way over to the Dewy dorm to Wes' room. The furniture has been rearranged; cushions, blankets and pillows have been piled on the floor. A wall has been cleared for the screen. There are chip bags and candy bowls in the same area. Wes and David are already sitting down leaning into each other, wrapped in the same blanket.
The four of them join the 'not gay' couple (psh, Right) on the floor. Naturally Nick and Jeff sit themselves as close as humanly possible to each other. Nick is on Jeff's lap with their legs twisted together and his head leaned back onto the blonde's shoulder, his neck exposed for the other to place small kisses along. Their hands are clasped in Nick's lap underneath the blanket they cover themselves in. Kurt doesn't want to worry about the possibilities of what they may do to each other under that blanket, he doesn't need the mental image. Kurt sits beside them, with a little extra space just in case, with Blaine on his other side. At least, until Blaine pulls him closer. "I'm so glad you came. Whenever we do these kind of movie nights Niff and Wevid end up cuddling and snogging while I'm left alone," the so called 'Wevid' protest to the accusations of snogging. "so, I'm glad to finally have a cuddle buddy." Blaine says.
"Okay." Kurt isn't sure what to think. Blaine is really flirty with him all the time; but, he can't tell if it specifically with him or just Blaine's personality. The hobbit-like boy is so chivalrous and dapper with everyone.
Blaine doesn't pick up on Kurt reservations though. He just smiles that adorable smile of his.
That smile melts any shyness Kurt would have had about cuddling with another boy. None of his guy friends at McKinley would ever allow for him to sit close to them, let alone cuddled with them, during a movie. And he misses them, yes, but he is beginning to find he likes these Warbler boys a great deal. Plus, Blaine is really comfy to lean against. So, he relishes Blaine's arm around his waist.
He, in fact, delves deeper into the cuddling throughout the first movie. It's a horror film. From the first scream, Kurt is curling into the blankets and averting his gaze from the screen into Blaine's chest. He hates horror films; but he doesn't say anything to the others. He presses closer to Blaine, pulls the blankets tighter and covers his ears with each following scream. At some point he begins whimpering; he'd like to give in and tell them to turn it off now; but is too far into his terror to do so. Blaine shifts their positions to pull Kurt more fully into his arms.
The movie stops quickly thereafter. Blaine tries to coax Kurt out of his hiding place. "Kurt? Kurt? Look at me Kurt. It's okay. We turned the movie off."
After he stops quaking in fear, sheer embarrassment takes over Kurt for freaking out so bad. He slumps farther down in shame. But Blaine lifts him up off his chest and makes him look at him. Blaine's head is slightly titled in questioning. In combination with his big gold eyes, he looks like a curious puppy. "Are you that scared of the movie?"
Kurt bends his head back down in shame, which is answer enough.
"Why didn't you say something? We can move on to the next movie." Wes says. "It's no big deal."
Blaine rubs his back. "You're okay. Here, eat this. It'll help." He pushes something into Kurt's face.
Kurt has to cross his eyes to see it. Upon realizing what it is he complains. "Chocolate clogs my pores."
The others laugh. "But chocolate will make you feel better." Blaine says and presses the candy to Kurt's lips again.
Kurt rolls his eyes and says sarcastically. "Okay, Lupin." He takes the piece from Blaine.
Blaine's entire face lights up. "You like Harry Potter?!"
"Who doesn't?" Kurt asks.
Blaine crushes him in a gleeful hug. "Wes, turn on Prisoner of Azkaban! We have to watch it!"
Wes grumbles about it; but does so. Kurt enjoys this movie far more that the first. Turns out Blaine is a huge Harry Potter nerd, and is super freaking adorable about it. They stay cuddled close. Kurt isn't even aware of the small smile that graces his features when he watches Blaine do something silly in response to the movie.
He is aware of his own increasing level of relaxation as the night progresses. They watch more comedic fun movies the rest of the night until one by one they all fall asleep. Kurt, unknowingly, being the first one to fade out. He wakes the next morning on Blaine's warm firm chest feeling rested for the first time in half a month.