Summary: "There are questions I have to answer...things I have to do..." On a quest to fulfill a dream, Alice travels the world with the Company but finds herself leading a double life with twice the complication, thanks to a certain butterfly and an increasingly emotional correspondence with the Hatter that leaves her torn between the two worlds. Book One of the Alice in Underland trilogy.
Genre: Romance/Adventure
Pairing: Alice Kingsley & The Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters or locations from Lewis Carroll's novels Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass, nor do I own any characters or locations from Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. All rights go to Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, Linda Woolverton, Disney, etc.
Alice in Underland: The Letters
Part Ten
23 December 1872
Dear Tarrant,
We're in Sumatra now. We got in sometime before dawn and the men from the Company had a busy day meeting with various traders of tea, coffee, tobacco, pepper, cinnamon, and cochineal and indigo (both of which make dyes that are used to colour fabrics and textiles - cochineal makes a red pigment, while the indigo plant makes an indigo blue dye). I wasn't allowed off the ship though because at the moment Sumatra is on the brink of war with the Dutch and Lord Ascot said it isn't safe for me nor Miss Prescott to go ashore. I don't know if I mentioned the impending war before. In any case, I had a feeling Lord Ascot wouldn't let me go and see Sumatra under the current circumstances but I'd hoped I was wrong, though I do understand why we had to stay on the ship. I was rather disappointed about it so I called for Absolem to talk about it and he agreed that it truly isn't safe for two women to be there right now and that if we went ashore, Miss Prescott and I would be in danger. So instead of seeing Sumatra and helping the Company get our business done there, I spent most of the day with Miss Prescott making Christmas cards and ornaments for the Christmas tree.
We made the Christmas cards and a number of the ornaments out of paper and cardboard, which we painted and decorated. The rest of the ornaments were made out of dough - we moulded some of them by hand, and cut the others into various shapes using a large assortment of cookie cutters (Lord Ascot brought along all the necessary supplies from London when he packed for the journey, knowing that we'd be spending Christmas on the ship). After forming and cutting the dough into the desired ornament shapes, the dough had to dry, and once that was done and they were ready, we painted them all, then threaded and fastened some ribbon through the holes at the top so the ornaments can be hung on the tree. Truth be told, making the ornaments and the cards actually turned out to be quite a fun project, so in the end, Miss Prescott and I weren't that upset about our missing out on the opportunity to visit Sumatra.
While we worked together, I had a long talk with Miss Prescott about Mr. Shelby and my lack of interest in him as a suitor, which went quite well. She understands now that I don't want any more men trying to woo or pursue me, under any circumstances, no matter if they're "a good match" for me or not. I reminded her that I've been corresponding with someone who's very special to me, not giving any more detail than that, and she drew her own conclusions, which obviously were that the special someone to whom I've been writing is a beau. She then apologised for trying to play matchmaker and made a promise that she wouldn't do it again in the future. So the distance between us is gone now and I feel closer to her, the way I did before, which makes me feel happier. I admit that I feel the need to have a friend in this world (other than Absolem), especially on this trip with the Company, because as you know, I've been rather lonely.
How I miss you, Tarrant! It would be so different if you were here with me. I'm glad to have Miss Prescott's friendship and I'm really grateful for it, but the truth is, she'll never be able to understand me, not like you I know you could. I know that Absolem understands me and he and I have a special connection, but as I've said before, it's not the same as ours.
Tonight after dinner I played a few hands of Whist with Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen and a man from the Company called Mr. Thomas (he's a happily married man so thankfully I don't need to worry about unwanted attentions from him), and afterwards, I retired to my cabin then played several games of backgammon with Absolem. He told me you don't celebrate Christmas in Underland so he's excited to see what it's all about.
Tomorrow night is Christmas Eve. We're going to have a party and we'll be using the ornaments we made today to trim the tree which one of the men from the Company was able to get from Sumatra today. Lord Ascot is quite determined to make the holiday as special as possible and has made preparations to create a traditional English Christmas though I imagine it will still be a bit strange, as it doesn't exactly feel like Christmas here in this part of the world. The weather is too warm.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
I'm so very glad you and Miss Prescott had your talk and that she's promised to stop trying to play matchmaker and will no longer be putting you in unwanted and awkward situations by attempting to set you up with other men. I like that you told her in that innocent, roundabout way of yours that you have a beau. It's so sweet. Deep down, I know you consider me as such, even if you won't admit it to anyone, even yourself.
I'm quite relieved to know you're heeding Lord Ascot's and Absolem's warnings about the danger you'd be in if you went ashore to Sumatra, especially because of Absolem's warning. The fact that he said what he did means something actually would have happened to you if you'd gone. I wonder sometimes how much you know about his abilities - about his ability to always see the truth, and that he always knows how things are going to go. He knows the Fates that shall come to pass. Are you aware of that?
In any case, despite your having to miss out on visiting Sumatra, it sounds like you had a good time making all those Christmas cards and ornaments. I can tell that you feel much happier now. And that makes me happy.
I wish I were there with you too. I miss you so much.
Forever yours,
Tarrant
24 December 1872
Dear Tarrant,
Another day stuck on the ship but Miss Prescott and I kept ourselves busy helping with the preparations for the Christmas Eve celebration. Lord Ascot said the meetings went well and were very productive and we now have several contracts in the works, so Sumatra was a success. I'm just sorry I didn't get a chance to see it.
We're back at sea now and on our way to Singapore.
So, let me tell you about tonight. Because of all the decorations and the holiday spirit, it actually feels more like Christmas than I thought it would. The Christmas Eve party was lovely for the most part. Everyone was in a festive mood. After dinner, we had a wonderful time singing Christmas carols and trimming the tree as we drank spiced cider and eggnog and played games like Charades and Lookabout and The Minister's Cat. The only bad thing that happened was when Mr. Shelby suggested we play the game Blindman's Bluff, which would be a rather naughty game to play in mixed company. He was obviously hoping to get an opportunity to try to grope me! Isn't that disgusting? Lord Ascot was not amused in the least - he actually got quite angry at him for making such a scandalous suggestion and said, "Absolutely not! There are ladies present." He must have seen the way Mr. Shelby was looking at me because a short while after that, he pulled me aside and asked if Mr. Shelby has been bothering me. So I told him about the courtship proposal and that despite my rejection of it, Mr. Shelby still hasn't seemed to have gotten the message that I'm not interested. Lord Ascot looked very annoyed about that and said he'd have a word with him. He was very nice. I can see he doesn't like what's been happening. He's certainly not happy with all the men trying to pursue me. He told me he looks upon me as a sort of daughter, which I thought was rather sweet because his words were clearly genuine, and then he said he can't help but feel protective of me and that he doesn't want me to have to worry about men bothering me. He understands that I just want to be an apprentice with the Company and promised he'd make it clear again that I'm to be left alone. So hopefully that will be the end of it.
As tomorrow is Christmas, I have a present for you. Right now I don't quite know how I'll do it, but somehow I'm going to make sure Absolem gives my present to you. I hope you like it.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
That Mr. Shelby is a cad! I know what the game Blindman's Bluff is, and there's no doubt about it - that despicable man was just trying to find a way to have an excuse to touch you, and as you put it, to grope you. How dare he! Really, he's almost as bad as the Pig Man. I'm glad Lord Ascot intervened and it gives me geat comfort to know that he's so protective of you. I'm certain he'll have a talk with the men in the Company (I imagine that he'll do it discreetly but effectively, judging from the way you've described him) and I hope this time they get the message.
Oh, my sweet angel! It's later in the day now and Absolem just left. I love your present! I can't tell you how happy it made me to get it. It's so wonderful! I love you so much, Alice. And now I have a physical token of your feeling for me. I'll never take it off.
I hope you like my present. I can't begin to describe how hard it was to convince Absolem to bring it to you but somehow I managed it.
Forever yours,
Tarrant
25 December 1872
Dear Tarrant,
Happy Christmas, my sweet Hatter. Did you like my present? I know men don't traditionally wear jewellery but it's not an ordinary pendant - it's a special protection amulet that I got in Bombay for you. Absolem told me you liked it very much and that when he gave it to you (or rather, you took it off him), you found a longer cord and put it on immediately. That made me smile. Are you wearing it right now?
Thank you for the beautiful rose. Absolem was quite cross delivering it to me. When he appeared, he spat the stem out of his mouth and then yelled at me, saying, "Never again, you horrid girl!" I can only imagine how he was with you! I never knew a blue butterfly's face could turn so red. I couldn't help but laugh, which made him launch into an angry tirade about not being our personal delivery service. But then he calmed down when I gave him his present - a second packet of tobacco that I secretly got in Bombay and kept hidden all this time (I knew he'd go through the first one and I couldn't think of what else to give a butterfly for a Christmas gift). He was much nicer after getting his present then after I helped him smoke a bit from the hookah he told me your message that the rose was pink because it's my secret favourite colour. I can't believe you remembered that! You're the only one I've ever told that to so it means a lot to me that you remembered. It's very thoughtful of you. Absolem was very strange though. He smirked at me and asked if I thought perhaps you were trying to tell me something else in choosing that colour. He said a pink rose is a symbol of a new romance that has yet to bloom into full passion (those were his exact words - I'm not making it up!), and that it also symbolises joy and sweet affection, as well as wishing luck upon the recipient. When he asked me that and told me the meaning, I asked him if he thought it was what you really meant but he wouldn't answer. Is that what you meant? Was the colour choice more than just what you said in your message and actually a symbol of what Absolem described? Or is Absolem just being silly?
I'm looking at the rose right now as I'm writing this. It's on my bedside table in a vase I got from the ship's kitchen. How very sweet it was of you to give me a present at all since you don't celebrate Christmas yourself. I treasure it specially because it's so lovely and because it's from you. Do you recall my mentioning in one of my previous letters that I wished I still had the dress that you made me after you shrunk me to fit in the teapot, and how I wished I had something tangible from Underland and from you especially to have with me in this world, instead of just my memories? Now I have something from you that I can keep close. That makes me very happy. When the rose dries out I plan to press it into a book so I'll always have it. It means so much to me.
Surprisingly, Christmas on the ship was actually quite nice. There was the traditional Christmas dinner of roast goose with sage and onion dressing, cranberry sauce, bread stuffing and apples, plum pudding, assorted mince pies and gingerbread biscuits, as well as spiced cider, mulled wine and eggnog to drink. We even had Christmas crackers. Miss Prescott and I handed out all the Christmas cards, which were greatly appreciated. We made sure none of the men got any ideas that they were meant as anything but friendly holiday wishes - in addition to our signing them, Lord Ascot signed them all personally as well. I received a lot of gifts this year, despite being on the ship. Lord Ascot gave me some books and a new writing quill and an inkwell. He also gave me the gifts my mother and sister sent along (which they got before we left London and asked him to give to me on Christmas Day). My mother gave me a very fine backgammon set (which Absolem loved!), some books, a tin of sweets and a rather lovely journal, and Margaret gave me some hair ribbons and two puzzles. Surprisingly, Hamish sent along a Christmas gift for me too, which I thought was a bit strange. His present was a kaleidoscope. It's actually quite a nice gift, though as I said, I found it a bit odd to get a gift from him at all, considering I rejected his proposal.
Miss Prescott gave me a beautiful sari that she bought in Bombay which she had seen me looking at. We laughed because I got her a sari too, one I noticed she had her eye on but never bought for herself. Mr. Bowen gave me an atlas which was very nice of him. As I consider Mr. Bowen a friend of sorts, I had asked Miss Prescott while we were in Bombay what I should get him for his Chruistmas gift, so she helped me pick something appropriate for him - a book of poems by Edgar Allan Poe, which was a lucky find, as he's an American writer. He was very happy with it. Several of the men I work with in the Company gave me Christmas cards, including Mr. Shelby and Mr. Caldwell. I think Lord Ascot must have spoken to Mr. Shelby because according to what Mr. Bowen told her, Miss Prescott said Mr. Shelby had intended to give a gift to me but he didn't give me anything but the card, thank heavens. It's bad enough that I received cards at all from the men I've rejected, not to mention the gift from Hamish (though the kaleidoscope really is rather lovely). How horrid it would have been if Mr. Shelby gave me his gift - apparently it was a necklace he bought in Sumatra. That's such a brazen choice, and very presumptuous, as such a thing would be considered a courting gift. Of course, I would have had to refuse it, which would have been uncomfortable so I'm very happy I wasn't put in that position.
Absolem's present to me was giving me your present. Though he also gave me his own version of a present - a promise that he'd scare the next man who tried to woo me. When I asked him how he'd do it, he said he'd find the man when he was sleeping and wake him up in the dark and whisper menacing things in his ear and then disappear before the man could turn the lights on. The thought of it made us laugh and I told him I almost wanted someone to try to pursue me just to get Absolem to do that. How terrible we are!
So all in all, this Christmas turned out to be wonderful. Last night's party, today's Christmas dinner, the cards, the gifts, all of it. But out of everything, the best part was receiving your pink rose. I love it.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
I'm so very happy you liked the rose - or loved it, as you said. Yes, Absolem was quite right - the colour choice was indeed symbolic and I knew exactly what it meant. But I didn't tell you in my message and instead asked him to tell you it was pink because it's your secret favourite colour. I didn't send the message about it's real meaning because I didn't want to be too forward and I didn't want to scare you with such a bold declaration. Until you can admit your true feelings about me, I can't tell you mine. Though Absolem certainly tried to give you quite a hint! How devious he is!
I laughed at your description of his delivery methods and what he said. He was very annoyed with me too, as I'm sure you can imagine. It took a lot of convincing to get him to even take the rose to give it to you in the first place, especially since it entailed his having to carry it in his mouth. You should have seen the expression on his face when I asked him! At first he refused to do it, and I was worried I'd never convince him. But then I told him how much it would mean to you to get a gift from me in return, and that you had told me in a letter how much you wished you had something from me to carry with you in the Otherworld. So he finally relented. He was also annoyed about his having to wear the pendant (or amulet, as you call it) in order to bring it to me. When I took it off him, he told me the only reason he agreed to deliver it to me was because you beat him at a game of backgammon and that was your wager and the prize. Though really, I think he's secretly enjoying playing matchmaker for us.
I find it quite interesting that you mentioned how Mr. Shelby's intended gift of a necklace would be considered a courting gift - and yet your present to me was a necklace of sorts. Did you realise that? I don't think so. You're still clinging to your innocence about such things. But it's very revealing. How adorable you are not to see it. Though I admit, it's rather frustrating too. I won't complain because really, all that matters is the truth, and one day you'll figure it out. I can't wait for that day to come!
How delightfully evil of Absolem to promise to scare off the next man who tries to pursue you. The thought of him whispering menacing things in the ear of your next "suitor", especially in the dark, had me laughing quite hard.
Forever yours,
Tarrant
26 December 1872
Dear Tarrant,
Today is Boxing Day but we didn't celebrate it because of being on the ship, though Lord Ascot did - he gave gifts to the all the service people on the ship which is the custom. The holiday spirit is still going strong and we had a good time continuing the festivities. Dinner was a rather merry affair and afterwards, we played games and had more spiced cider and mulled wine and eggnog, along with gingerbread biscuits, mince pies and cakes. The games are rather entertaining, especially Charades. It can be quite silly which is amusing. Even more amusing was the fact that Absolem hid in the room while we were playing so he could watch, then later he had me in stitches with his commentary about some of the men's attempts to act out their parts. Absolem is quite adept at doing imitations of people, and I know it's terrible, but it makes me laugh. He can be so horrid!
My rose is alive and well. I'm looking at it right now. Are you wearing your amulet?
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
Yes, of course I'm wearing it. I'll never take it off. Don't you know how much it means to me, you silly thing?
I'm well aware of Absolem's ability to imitate others, and I agree - it is quite amusing! I laughed imagining him watching your games and then making sarcastic comments about everyone. I can picture it perfectly.
Forever yours,
Tarrant
27 December 1872
Dear Tarrant,
I don't know if I mentioned it but we're celebrating the traditional Twelve Days of Christmas so the holiday will be continuing on until the 6th of January. The atmosphere on the ship is quite jovial and everyone is in a happy mood. So far, this is the best time I've had on this entire journey, though my time in Bombay is a close second.
Tonight was another nice dinner, then afterwards we played more games, accompanied by the usual traditional holiday refreshments. Absolem hid and watched the games again. And of course, later in my cabin he did his imitations of everyone. He clearly is enjoying Christmas and even said perhaps it's something that should be adapted and brought to Underland in some way.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
From all you've said, I agree with Absolem. Christmas sounds like such a charming holiday with all its traditions and festivities. Underland would certainly benefit from having something similar. Though things are much better now that the White Queen has regained her crown, we could always do with more merriment and frivolity and happiness. I wonder if Absolem will talk to the Queen about it. Or perhaps he'll wait until you return here so the two of you can speak to her about it and come up with a way to make it happen. How lovely that would be!
I miss you as much as always but ever since I started wearing your amulet, I feel less sad. I don't know how to describe it, but it's almost as if you put a part of your heart in it so I feel like you're with me. I think it must be some kind of magic...or perhaps it's just the bond between us and having something physical from you has made our connection even stronger. I wonder if it's the same for you having the rose.
Forever yours,
Tarrant
28 December 1872
Dear Tarrant,
I'm beginning to establish a routine during this celebration of the Twelve Days of Christmas. I spend most of my day reading one of the books I received as a Christmas gift, and every afternoon I have a long visit with Miss Prescott. Then at night we have a dinner of traditional Christmas fare, followed by refreshments and games - Charades, Lookabout and The Minister's Cat are the usual favourites. Tonight we played Pass the Slipper as well, then after Lord Ascot left, one of the men suggested a game that involved paying Forfeits, which can be just as scandalous as Blindman's Bluff when played in mixed company. Miss Prescott and I agreed to play on the condition that we had the option of denying any forfeit involving either of us if we found the forfeit to be too risqué. I have to admit, my true motivation for agreeing to play was my wanting a chance to have a bit of revenge against the men who've bothered or annoyed me, be it the men who've tried to pursue me or the men who have resented or been rude to me for being a woman apprentice. Is that horrid of me? Absolem was there of course and before the game started I excused myself for a moment and went to my cabin in order to speak to him privately and get some ideas. He really is terrible, but quite inventive! His suggestions were a bit beyond the pale though so unfortunately I couldn't use any of them.
So, shall I tell you about the game? I think it will amuse you. I managed to get several of the men to pay forfeits. Mr. Shelby's "punishment" was to get down on the floor and imitate animals of my choice. I made him bark like a dog, squawk like a chicken, squeal like a pig, crow like a rooster, and neigh like a horse. Do you think me cruel to embarrass him in such a way or do you think he deserved it? Mr. Caldwell 's forfeit was to skip around the circle singing a nursery rhyme in a baby voice. Mr. Bowen's forfeit was to kiss Miss Prescott (she was quite happy to oblige him!). Mr. Henderson, a man who has been particularly resentful of my presence as Lord Ascot's apprentice, earned the forfeit of having to hop about the room on one leg while holding his nose for a full two minutes. Another man, Mr. Andrews, paid the forfeit of being blindfolded then spun around, then I sat him on the lap of a third man, Mr. Nelson, who's been rather rude to me, and Mr. Andrews had to guess whose lap he was sitting on solely by using his hands and touching Mr. Nelson's face. That was rather funny, I must confess! I lost a few times and one man tried to get me to kiss him as my forfeit but I refused to do it so instead, the new forfeit was to answer an embarrassing question. I suppose you want to know what that question was. Really, it was quite silly. The question was, "Is there any man who I would allow to kiss me?" Obviously they were all wanting to know who might have a chance with me. So I answered, "If there is, he's not in this room or on this ship."
Absolem was rather amused by the whole thing. Later when I retired to my cabin, we had quite a laugh about the forfeits I made the men pay. He said mine were good but his ideas were better. I told him they were indeed but that I had to show some restraint at least, otherwise I'd be absolutely hated by every man in the Company.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
Am I the man you would allow to kiss you? Yes, I think so. In fact I'm quite certain of it, because you've already told me that, when you talked about my pretending to court you if I were there with you on the ship and how we would have to pretend we were trying to hide our love and "accidentally get caught" while I stole a kiss from you...
Oh God! Now that I'm remembering that letter and what you wrote, I can't believe you actually said those things! I just got out that letter and read it again and now all I can think about is kissing you, and how all of it, the whole scenario you imagined, was your roundabout way of telling me how you feel about me and what you want. You want me to kiss you and hold your hand, and you worry that I think of you as a sister and wonder what it is that I really feel for you. And yet, Absolem has been giving you hint after hint, and I have as well in all the messages I've gotten Absolem to relay to you. When I gave you the pink rose, Absolem told you what it really meant. He tried to get you to question it and think about it, which really was rather obvious of him. And you gave me what was essentially a necklace, which you said would be considered a courting gift when you were referring to the one Mr. Shelby had gotten you. How is it possible that you can't see all this clearly? I love you and you love me and it's obvious to everyone but you.
Forever yours,
Tarrant
29 December 1872
Dear Tarrant,
Tomorrow we'll be arriving in Singapore. Like Bombay, it's been colonised by the British so it shall be quite interesting to see how the two cultures interact.
As I mentioned in last night's letter, during these Twelve Days of Christmas, a routine of sorts is being established, which I followed again today. I read one of my new books and spent some time with Miss Prescott talking and working on one of the puzzles I got from Margaret. Miss Prescott and I had a good laugh about the Forfeits game and she thanked me for bestowing Mr. Bowen with the forfeit of having to give her a kiss. Tonight we played again after Lord Ascot retired for the night and it was even more amusing! I'm a bit tired now so I'm afraid my letter will have to be a short one. I'll write a longer letter tomorrow.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
I'm glad you're having such a nice time. It's been so hard for you and it's good to know that things seem to be better and you're enjoying yourself. I hope you'll write more about the forfeits game tomorrow. It's quite amusing to hear about.
Forever yours,
Tarrant
30 December 1872
Dear Tarrant,
We're in Singapore now and shall be in port here for just a short while, but we'll be returning on our trip back and spending a longer time doing Company business. Besides being in the midst of the Twelve Days of Christmas, it's also the New Year's holiday so we won't be getting much work done. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve and apparently we're going to have a rather grand party to celebrate.
Singapore is rather nice so I'm looking forward to coming back and spending more time here. The two main products we import from here are pepper and gambier, which is a plant that has several different uses. One way it is used is to make various types of medicinal cures. As a lotion, it treats burns, and in paste form, it treats a skin condition called scurf. It's also commonly used in this part of the world to treat digestive maladies, as well as a gargle for sore throats. The usual way to take gambier medicinally is to apply it as a paste on betel leaves after mixing it with lime and water, wrapping the leaves with some betel nuts and chewing it - though I was told it has a mild narcotic effect and stains one's mouth red so I don't think I'd want to take it. In this part of the world it's sometimes chewed alone as a gum. Gambier Catechu produces a colour called "Cutch Brown" or "Khaki" and is used for dyeing and tanning fabrics such as wool, cotton, silk and leather. There are "bangsals" here in Singapore, which are dual gambier-pepper plantations, and they have dwellings where labourers prepare the gambier for its different uses.
We spent most of today at a bangsal, which is how I learned all these things. I don't know if you find such details interesting or not so I'll stop going on about it.
Tonight we had our dinner and then games but we just played Charades because we were all a bit tired from visiting the bangsal.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
I do find it interesting to hear about what the Company does and to learn about the things you trade. Being a Hatter, I'm most interested in hearing about all the fabrics and textiles and dyes, and the colours the dyes make. I like that your work involves those things, because it's what my work involves. It makes me feel so connected to you. And that makes me happy, though it also makes me miss you terribly.
Forever yours,
Tarrant
31 December 1872
Dear Tarrant,
I haven't gone to sleep yet so I'm dating this letter as 31 December 1872, though "officially" it's actually 1 January 1873 now, as it's well past midnight. Happy New Year, my sweet Hatter!
We had the party and some of it was fun but not all of it. At the stroke of midnight we sang Auld Lang Syne, which is the tradition. It's also a tradition for people to kiss at midnight to bring in the new year. A few of the men actually attempted to steal a kiss but I pushed them away, then Lord Ascot saw what was happening and immediately put a stop to it. I can't believe the men are still trying, after everything - after Lord Ascot's talks with them about leaving me alone, and my telling them during the Forfeits game that I didn't want to kiss any of the men from the Company and even hinting that there might possibly be someone else I would kiss, but not any of them. Honestly! It's ridiculous. When I got back to my cabin Absolem and I talked about it. He said no matter what, and no matter how many times I make it clear I'm not interested, the men are still going to try to pursue me. He agreed that the ones who tried to steal a New Year's Eve kiss tonight were horrid and disrespectful but he said I shouldn't expect otherwise. But why must it be like this? I asked him that and he said it's because I'm a beautiful woman and men like that. But I said it's can't be that, because I'm not beautiful. Absolem laughed and called me stupid and said I'm blind and unbelievably obtuse, but I'm not! I just don't think it's true. People have told me I'm beautiful before...well, actually a lot of people have, but I don't see it.
I miss you. I wish I could have spent New Year's Eve with you. At least I have my rose so it's like part of you is with me. But I wish I had more than that. I wish you were here and that you could stay and be by my side, joining in the adventures like Absolem can.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
I wish that too, my sweet angel. And I wish I could give you a kiss to bring in the Otherworld new year. I would hold you close and kiss you...and then I'd never let you go.
Of course you're beautiful. How can you not see that? But it's not just physical beauty that you possess - you're just as beautiful inside. How is it that you can't see how extraordinary you are?
Forever yours,
Tarrant
1 January 1873
Dear Tarrant,
Back at sea. We left Singapore just a little while ago and are now heading for Borneo. I had a rather exhausting day visiting another bangsal so I'm too tired to write a long letter tonight. Forgive me, my sweet Hatter. Writing these letters to you is my favourite thing to do but when we're in port it can be somewhat taxing, especially on busy days like today, and then I'm too physically drained to write down all the words I want to write. I wish you were here so I could just talk to you in person. How much easier that would be.
Goodnight, dear Tarrant.
Yours always,
Alice
My darling Alice,
Are you alright? You sounded a bit depressed in your letter. I know you said you were just tired, but I sense it was more than that. Were you feeling sad because it was the first day of the new year in the Otherworld and we're apart? Did you miss me and wish that I were there with you?
Forever yours,
Tarrant