Author's Rant: Here's the next chapter guys. ^_^

Old Emotions

Sesshomaru tried over twenty different times to call Inuyasha before Monday came. He tried a thousand text messages and each one went unanswered. He was angry, pissed, confused and now worried.

Raped? Inuyasha had been raped while they were in school. Why hadn't he said something before? Sesshomaru would've done something, anything to help him pull through this. Just imagining Inuyasha going through that turmoil all alone, burned a hole in Sesshomaru's chest. Facing being a single parent with a child he wasn't sure was the rapist or Sesshomaru's? What could Inuyasha have been thinking?

Sesshomaru didn't know how to think or handle any of it. His first immediate action had been to find Koga and make him talk, but when the details were laid out for him, he too was just as stunned to find out.

It was a genuine confusion that led him to believe Koga was loss in the dark like the rest of the Espada family. When everyone arrived at Sesshomaru's parents house, there was no victorious celebration, no kind of whooping and hollering for the gain of a new child. There was just a steeled silence, small eye glances from one to the other, each thinking their own thoughts about what was learned. Sesshomaru especially couldn't find himself to stay in the same room and had to find one of the vacant ones in the back of the two-story home to think. No one even knew the news about Kyora being pregnant with his child. It just didn't seem the right time to bring that up.

Where had he been when all of this happened? Who had it been with? Was Inuyasha that afraid of Sesshomaru losing his career because he knew Sesshomaru would've killed the asshole who did it? Shit, if he knew who'd done it he'd still lay the motherfucker out. It might explain everything now from when he proposed years ago. Inuyasha was scared of him finding out. Afraid of everything.

He'd been alone for so long. Shit. Sesshomaru sighed as he made the turn down Inuyasha's street and parked outside his apartment building. In the back seat he had some flowers, a box of caramels, a teddy bear the size of a six year old and balloons. Maybe he was over doing it but this was going to be the first time he was spending time with Zaya. He just wanted everything to be perfect.

And yet, Sesshomaru had to sit in the passenger seat for a while longer to collect his composure. Now that he knew about Inuyasha's situation, how would he approach him? All of this time they'd been at each other's throats with only one or two exceptions. Then there was the fact of Zaya herself. Did Inuyasha tell her that he was her father? Would she look at him with the same adoring eyes as she did Inuyasha?

So many questions, so many wonders, Sesshomaru truly wished he knew what to expect but in the end there was only one way to find out. Taking a deep courageous breath, Sesshomaru opened his car door and went around to the back seat to gather all of his gifts. There was only one way to find out how this day would be.

Inuyasha decided to take a two week holiday from work. He had the saved time and after telling Sergeant Tsukiyomi Ramirez the entire ordeal, she for once didn't give him much lip and just waved him off saying to take as long as he needed. Two weeks was plenty, but he just needed enough time to prepare himself for seeing Sesshomaru on a regular basis, getting Zaya ready for the new parent in her life and knowing Sesshomaru knew what happened.

Inuyasha hoped with all his being that there wouldn't be any questions, any pity looks or attempts at coddling him. He'd gotten passed this to some degree with counseling sessions and trips to the doctor on several occasions. It wouldn't do to be timid around every man he was near especially when he worked with about ninety percent of them during the day. The only thing was, he just couldn't get pass that horrid stench of old spice and peppermint. As soon as he wheezed it in, an automatic seizure would try to creep into his muscles and lock him down on the ground.

He was still receiving treatments for that and so far, little's been done to erase the reaction.

"Lookie daddy Lookie!" Zaya squeaked from the other side of the living room where she'd been busily scribbling drawings on sheets of printer paper. "I make kitty!"

Inuyasha snapped himself out of his self-pity and smiled at his daughter, "Aww let daddy see what you did," Turning off the TV from Little House on the Prairie, Inuyasha lowered himself down on the carpet and crawled around to sit next to her, taking the offered picture. It was so cute. The picture was a red lumpy circle with crooked triangle ears, one giant green eye and one tiny speck of a yellow eye, about twenty thousand whiskers and six arms and legs. "My baby's a lil' artist. Daddy loves it."

"Eeeee!" She squealed, tickled pink. "I d'aw daddy puppy too kay?"

"Not yet baby girl, daddy needs to talk to you."

Zaya's ears perked up the same way she would when her daddy had something interesting to say, "P'esent?"

"No, no presents," Inuyasha scooted around some of the crayons and markers and picked her up to stand between his legs. Her little belly poked out and he couldn't resist wiggling his face against it. Zaya giggled and smashed her fingers in Inuyasha's hair. It was her favorite place to sleep when she was a little baby. Sometimes it still was. Inuyasha pulled her back and stared into her eyes. Eyes just like her grandmother's. "Zaya, do you remember Prince?"

Zaya gasped bobbling her head up and down, "Yep, Prince my f'iend."

"Yes he is," Inuyasha had debated about this for some time, deciding how best to approach this subject but no matter how he wormed through it, it was too soon to say Sesshomaru was her father. "Listen, Prince and Daddy are gonna be spending some time together ok? That means Prince is gonna come visit you a whole lot now."

"See me, daddy?"

"That's right."

"Ohhhh," Zaya popped her lips together. "Today?"

Inuyasha nodded, "He'll be here any minute."

Zaya gasped a second time, "He see me daddy? No! I no p'etty!"

"Yes you are, you lil diva," Inuyasha chuckled as she went slack in his hands like a fainting prima donna. "Ok, ok, ok, let's get you dressed up. You want a pretty dress?" Zaya revived long enough to nod and re-fainted in his hands.

Goodness, where did she get this attitude from? Now knowing she was Sesshomaru's child, it was safe to say she got from him. Inuyasha never acted so dramatic about the way he looked. As he searched through her drawers for a skirt and tee, it was the very first time Inuyasha took the time to stare and study her face. He'd never thought to see what feathers she would've gotten but now seeing her through new eyes, she did have Sesshomaru's jaw, his nose and lips. Maybe his attitude too. Inuyasha knew his ears, forehead and smile when he saw them.

Zaya ended up emerging in a leopard pink skirt with a swishing tail on the back, a long sleeved black shirt with a pink colored leopard on the front and her short hair tucked up in two pigtails, tied with bright pink ribbons. She twirled down the hall in her baby doll shoes, dancing and singing some song off the TV. "I p'etty daddy?"

"Yes baby, you're beautiful." Chuckled Inuyasha.

"Like p'incess?"

"Like a queen."

"I a queen," Zaya delightfully confirmed, laughed and leaped in the air, doing a turn that made her come down with one leg cocked out as if she was going to dance some more, but ended up falling on her bottom.

The door knocked three sharp raps. Zaya squealed at the top of her lungs, "He he'e daddy! He he're, he he'e!" Zaya wobbled back as fast as she could and started pushing behind Inuyasha's legs to hurry him along. "'urry daddy fo' he leave!"

"He's not gonna leave," Though a part of Inuyasha wished he would. Seeing Sesshomaru was going to be different now but they were going to have to look past that. Like Ryuukotsesui said, just think of Zaya. She was the main priority.

Inuyasha wanted until Sesshomaru knocked a second time before peeking through the peep hole to see it was him and opened the door. There Sesshomaru stood wearing a solid black double breasted trench coat, some dark blue jeans, thick leather Timberland boots, and a white cashmere sweater. On second thought, Inuyasha kept himself from looking over every inch of Sesshomaru like a broadcasted wedding cake and thought more on how he looked.

He was wearing only a pair of dark grey sweats and a red t-shirt, thinking this was going to be a casual visit. Well, that definitely explained where Zaya got her personality from.

"Hey," Sesshomaru greeted first.

"Hey," Inuyasha spied all the gifts, the balloons, candy and a teddy bear the size of a small child. "That's kinda overkill for a visit isn't it?"

Sesshomaru innocently blinked, "Is it?" He shifted some of the things to one arm. "I wanted to make up for time loss."

Inuyasha didn't flinch at the statement since there wasn't a bite tone to it. He only nodded and stepped back, nearly tripping over Zaya he had a death grip on his legs. "Excuse me lil girl," He said playfully. "You wanna make me fall?"

Zaya eyes strayed to the floor to study her shuffling shoes, quietly picking at the fabric on her daddy's sweatpants.

What's this? His little girl shy? Where was all that spark and spunk for looking cute? No one would guess twice that this was the same child from how her ears hide under her hair and the shy peeks she'd give Sesshomaru. What a diva indeed.

"Sorry come in," Inuyasha said after realizing Sesshomaru was still outside. He had to step wide legged to avoid tripping over Zaya. She clung to his legs like a baby monkey, refusing to let Inuyasha leave her alone in the presence of the Prince.

So far this wasn't exactly how Inuyasha predicted this go. He looked at Sesshomaru's big giant self actually terrified of a little girl and then there was Zaya who lost her nerve. Inuyasha felt himself stuck between a rock and hard place so he decided to try a small bribe, "Look Zaya, Prince got you a teddy bear."

"Hmm?" Zaya peeked out noticing or the first time, the giant red teddy bear with a heart stitched in the middle and 'I LUV U ZAYA' inscribed on the inside. She beamed like a county fair and giggled. "I like your bear," She said softly.

Sesshomaru needed to get a hold of himself. If he kept this up his stomach was going to free-fall to his knees. His first reaction alone to seeing Inuyasha up close stirred a new kind of emotion in him. He looked pretty good even in a pair of sweats and a chest tight shirt. Red of all colors, the best color he looked good in.

Then there was the beautiful product of their old love standing in front of him shy and timid as he was.

Prince. So Inuyasha hadn't told her yet. Sesshomaru stored that question back in his mind for later when he heard Zaya comment on the gifts in his arms. His height probably intimidated her so he kneeled down low and held it out. "He's all yours." Sesshomaru was gratified at the enormous burst of energy Zaya couldn't gained and scurried forward to tackle the bear two times her size. The collision knocked her and the bear in Sesshomaru's arms.

He wasn't sure what to do. He looked at Inuyasha who's nod gave him the secret permission to close his arms around her and smell her scent.

Baby lotion and lavender today. She smelled so wonderful, felt so small and fragile in his arms. He could hold her for as long as she lived and protect her from the world. Sesshomaru looked over her shoulder and mouthed 'Thank you' to Inuyasha. It must've startled him but he smiled small and mouthed 'you're welcome' in return.

Zaya squirmed to get free, eyes sparkling and arms with a death grip around the bear's neck, "Daddy, c'n Prince p'ay wit' me?"

"Why don't you ask him?"

Zaya looked back at Sesshomaru again a little shy, "Prince, p'ay wit' me p'ease."

"I'll love too," Sesshomaru couldn't resist. He kissed her forehead and her juicy cheeks. And just felt so-so alive. God this lovely child was his. His own flesh and blood. And so beautiful. Sesshomaru stood with her and the bear in her arms. "What do you wanna play first?"

Zaya ducked her face against the bear's stomach and pointed down at a corner of the living room with toys, crayons, markers and paper. "C'ayons p'ease."

"Alright," Sesshomaru put her on the floor and gently patted her butt. "You go get it ready. Dad—Prince will be there in a minute."

Zaya giggled and hurried over to put in everything in some kind of messy arrangement. She was out of ear range from her parents. Sesshomaru used a small minute to skate over Inuyasha's body without helping himself. Having a baby only added the weight in all the right places. A slither of his stomach peeked from where his shirt and the sweats meant, not an ounce of fat clinging to him. It all went to his thighs and ass. After all this time Inuyasha still looked good. He didn't look traumatized or helpless or disturbed. Maybe a little tired from all that's happened, but overall, Sesshomaru was secretly proud to see him doing so well.

"What's on ya mind Sesshomaru?" Inuyasha asked out of the blue.

Sesshomaru tilted his head, folding his arms, "What makes you think I got somethin' on my mind?"

"Because your lip is twitching," Inuyasha deadpanned as if it should've been obvious. Sesshomaru subconsciously balled his lips, causing Inuyasha to snicker. "Yeah, you still do it. Old habits die hard. So share your two cents."

Sesshomaru stopped the blush to rising on his cheeks. Damn, he thought he stopped doing that last year. "I do wanna know something," He stepped closer to Inuyasha's side and sure enough trust the hanyou to meet his focus dead on. Sesshomaru searched those hazel gold eyes for a moment before asking, "Why didn't you tell Zaya I'm her father."

"Because it's too soon. She's only seen you once."

"Shouldn't she get used to the idea at least? I dunno if I can deal with being called Prince and hearin' her only call you daddy. I deserve that title too."

"You'll get your chance Sesshomaru but only after she's used to seeing you around first," Inuyasha explained patiently. "It'll confuse her to know a stranger is her daddy."

"And whose fault is that?" Sesshomaru hissed and immediately regretted it when one of Inuyasha's ears flattened. "Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm bein' impatient. I'm just ready to hear her say that to me. I've been wantin' a child forever." Sesshomaru dragged a tired hand over his face, "I don't know a thing about being a father."

"I didn't either. No one's an expert on their first try," Inuyasha closed his arms around himself, Sesshomaru saw, and inched away. "It's a slow process, but you'll learn. She'll get used to seeing you and the shock of learnin' you're her daddy won't be so sudden. Gimme time to break it on her kay?"

"Alright," Sesshomaru grimaced. Inuyasha's arms were trembling a little. He wanted to reach out and quail his fears but knew it'd mess up the small peace they managed to settled between them. "I'm not hell bent on still takin' her Inuyasha. Not after learning the truth." It was out in the open. Sesshomaru wanted to know. It burned and toyed with his chest muscles like a need. "But I do wanna know. Why didn't you tell me you were raped?"

Inuyasha closed in on himself, wishing against all hope this subject could be dropped. "I don't wanna talk about this Sesshomaru. You're here to spend time with Zaya."

"I wanna know what happened first Inuyasha. Be honest with me for once. I'm tired of all these secrets." Sesshomaru sounded frustrated and hurt. Inuyasha didn't want that tone to affect him into confessing what he'd kept locked away for all this time. What good would knowing everything do four years later? It was over and done with. "Inuyasha."

"Just leave it alone Sesshomaru. I don't wanna talk about it," Inuyasha's hands trembled as he pushed back his banes. "I got it resolved. You knowin' about it isn't gonna change what happened."

"Is that why you wouldn't agree to marry me that night?"

Inuyasha averted his eyes to the floor, fingers digging into his forearms. "I said I don't wanna talk about it."

"But I do," Sesshomaru clipped Inuyasha's chin and turned him back to look him dead in the eyes.

Inuyasha was rooted down, forced to get lost in that bright, fiery gaze, enveloped in its inferno. He licked his lips, trying to turn his face away but Sesshomaru's hand kept him dead bolted in place.

"I wanna know where I failed you at least," Sesshomaru said, absently stroking his thumb over Inuyasha's cheek. "What caused you to stray away into some other man's arms? What did I do wrong that I couldn't protect you that night? Where was I? Tell me something Inuyasha."

Inuyasha's throat dried and so did his tongue. How could he answer honestly to that? What could he say? It was a moment of weakness? A pleasurable night with that bastard? There was no way to sugarcoat any of what happened. Sesshomaru was better off living in the dark without anything else to taint the light. But he could answer one question, "Yes," he said. "That's why I didn't wanna marry you when you asked. I couldn't risk it." He loosened his jaw when Sesshomaru's finger got dangerously close to tracing the scar under his chin. "I didn't know if Zaya was yours. I didn't want to hurt you."

"But you did hurt me Inuyasha," Sesshomaru's voice crackled. "My God, do you have any idea what you put me through? I couldn't sleep for days, I didn't eat, I drunk myself into oblivion. Fuck, I looked for you for months, thinking you ran off with some other man or I scared you away." Sesshomaru turned his head away before Inuyasha could see the bleeding rawness sneak through.

The small piece Inuyasha did see only made him hug himself more to save himself from Sesshomaru's pain, "I'm sorry for what I did. No amount of apologizin' is gonna equal up to what you've been through."

"It wasn't just me Inuyasha. We all missed you. We were all scared for you."

Inuyasha stepped back against the wall when Sesshomaru hovered over him, making the hurt absorb into Inuyasha's skin. When Sesshomaru reached out to touch him, Inuyasha flinched back, but Sesshomaru took him in his arms and slammed him against his chest. Sesshomaru cupped the back of Inuyasha's head to his shoulder and wrapped his arm around his waist. With his mouth planted flat against his hear, he let every detail ooze in Inuyasha's ear, unaware of the slight tremor it sent down like shock waves.

"My parents were afraid something had happened. They couldn't even reach your parents, thinking the worst. You and Naraku were supposed to go to see a play together that weekend but you never came. You promised to play checkers with Muso when he came to visit our school and Bankotsu wouldn't stop searching for you. Hakudoshi cried for days. Kagura was pissed off and I was so scared," Sesshomaru hugged the breath from Inuyasha's body. "You don't know what your leavin' did to us. Did to me. Inuyasha I loved you so much."

Loved.

Use to love.

Inuyasha closed his eyes and took in Sesshomaru's scent like a drunken sailor. He smelled just as he did years old. Jergen's lotion, small hints of grass and dove soap. Inuyasha's fingers closed in Sesshomaru's sweater and clung to him for the loss. Things would've been different. They could've stayed together, gotten married, had more children. But what good was it to dwell on it now?

Inuyasha did the one thing he should've done on that night and leaned away. He reached up, cupping his hands on Sesshomaru's cheeks and leaned up, lips a centimeter away from his. "I'm sorry Sesshomaru. I'm so, so sorry."

Sesshomaru's darkening eyes was nearly his undoing, but Zaya chose that moment to intervene, "P'ince come p'ay!"

The spell cracked like a whip. The two men broke away slowly, Sesshomaru reluctant to let go. Inuyasha wormed free and went to the living room. Sesshomaru didn't say another word to him the entire time he sat on the floor playing with Zaya. Inuyasha felt those times his eyes were stray to him but he refused to make eye contact.

Sesshomaru stayed for most of the day, learning what Zaya's favorite cartoons were, what she enjoyed playing with, her favorite foods and how much of a drama queen she could be. Inuyasha had to keep himself in check a few times when the two would laugh at something together, because the sting in the back of his eyes kept coming back.

Zaya eventually wore herself out after dinner time. Inuyasha cooked baked spaghetti, some butter Texas toast, and a small salad. Zaya hated spaghetti, so she ate some chicken nuggets with ketchup and string beans. Inuyasha showed Sesshomaru how to get her ready for bed, by bathing her, brushing her hair, braiding it, putting on her pajamas and leaving on her night light after tucking her in bed.

"Kiss Daddy," Zaya whimpered sleepily.

"Sure baby," Inuyasha leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Sweet dreams."

"P'ince too."

Sesshomaru who'd observed the whole lesson from a distance, buckled out of his day dream and looked at Inuyasha.

"Go on," Inuyasha urged without looking at him.

Sesshomaru hesitated for a moment but pushed up off the wall and kneeled by the bed. Zaya reached out to hug his neck when he bent down to kiss her. He sighed in her hair and kissed her cheek. "Good night baby girl."

"Nite, nite," She kissed Sesshomaru's cheek, yawned and settled in for the night.

The tear fell from Inuyasha's cheek this time as he watched the beautiful moment. How many times had he pictured something like this too? It was such an inviting scene, he didn't notice when Sesshomaru's finger trailed under the tear and swipe it away. In the hours since this morning and now, it was the first time they looked at each other.

Really, looked at each other. Inuyasha leaned against the door way, feeling exposed, "I'll see you later."

"Yeah," Sesshomaru said, not blinking. "You will." He reached out his hand to touch Inuyasha's face, but caught himself and let his hand drop by his side. It clenched in a fist, "Did you wanna go anywhere tomorrow?"

"I'll see."

Silence. Silence and more staring. Only the tick of the hallway clock tickled the quiet but nothing damaged the spell capture between them.

Keys jangled in the front door. Inuyasha frowned, then relaxed. Sesshomaru on the other hand, turned around spreading his legs as wide as his shoulders, ready for whoever was about to come.

"Whew, damn its cold as hell out there."

Inuyasha glanced around Sesshomaru's Macho Wall and saw Ryuukotsesui amble in with two large sized pizzas. He was bundled up from head to toe in, a red snap back, a brown wooly jacket, some blue jeans and a black turtle neck.

"Shit, it sucks being cold blooded, Yash' where ya at babe?"

Sesshomaru tensed up. Inuyasha did too because it was going to look all wrong. "He's just a friend," he said quietly.

"Yeah, sure," Sesshomaru snipped.

"He is," Inuyasha pushed around him. "Hey, I didn't know you were coming by."

"Yeah when I found out you took a holiday, I wanted to see how you were holdin' up," Ryuukotsesui eased out of his jacket and removed his snap back, letting all of his red hair dance around his shoulders. "Oh, you got company." He said once noticing Sesshomaru's looming presence in the entrance of the hall. Ryuukotsesui looked between Sesshomaru and Inuyasha cautiously before staring down at Inuyasha, "Ya good?"

"Why wouldn't he be?" Sesshomaru said, vocal cords soaked with an attitude.

"Say what?" Ryuukotsesui looked Sesshomaru up and down like his gaze alone would shriek the man into the floor. He wasn't as tall as Sesshomaru but he evened it out when it came to bulkiness.

"The hell you starin' at?" Sesshomaru snapped.

"You," Ryuukotsesui shot back. He blinked when Sesshomaru's muscles flexed. "What? You got a problem son? Trust, this ain't what ya want."

"Both of you keep your voices down before you wake up Zaya!" Inuyasha hissed getting between the two. "What the hell's your problem?"

"Ask ole dude," Ryuukotsesui said. "He's the one trying to raise up like he can handle this."

"Oh you think I can't take your scrawny ass?" Sesshomaru bucked behind Inuyasha's hand. "Bring it partna'!"

"It's been brought!"

"Hey, hey, hey, enough!" Inuyasha pushed them both backwards, rolling his eyes. "Ryuu, I'm fine. Sesshomaru came by to visit Zaya. His order started today. You need to chill." He turned around to erase Sesshomaru's smug expression too. "And you need to calm down. Ryuu's Zaya's godfather, he comes by to visit her from time to time too. So you're gonna have to get used to seein' him."

Sesshomaru's glare could kill a rabbit, "And there's nothin' else goin' on?"

"No."

"Not that'd it be any of your business if there was," Ryuukotsesui defended.

"Tsk whatever," Sesshomaru grumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Just don't have any strange men coming around my daughter." He walked pass, bumping his shoulder with the dragon demon before stomping out pissed.

Inuyasha sighed, closing the door behind him and leaning against it. What happened. How did a perfect evening turn sour so quickly? One that was for certain, he was going to need to have a long talk with Ryuukotsesui. He didn't need any more problems added to his plate.

TBC: Is Sesshomaru jelly? Hmmm.